An iVillage Playa' Speaks Out.

Alert!!, Alert!!, Alert!!

You are currently using an incompatible browser or an outdated version of
iVillage!!PeeknWindowsVidPlayer to access the video player on this site.

Please read the troubleshooting tips below for more information.

Do not show me this page ever, EVER again!

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Breakfast&BraSize!!

Video Player Troubleshooting Tips
Also on YVCInc!!

About ‘dis Playah and his Features

MAC USERS: Ha!! As if...........

1. What do you recommend for me to view video?
a couple shots o’ Crown&Coke!!, or PeppermintSchnapps!!

2. What operating system do I need to use the iVillage!!PeeknWindowsVP?!
theLatest system you can get at any CussLess!! or theSam!!’sClubb...
Wait.... never mind, as any system now adays is obsolete once it’s left theDevelopershands!!

3. What browsers can I use to use the Video Player?

any iVillage!! browser will do, as they all need something to do,

We recommend any iVillage Slacker as well, or any iVillage Inebriate / Transient will do, and if you really need someone to run browser duties for you,

Just get those lazy good for nothing iVPSO’s to do it!! They don’t do nothing anyway but oppress theVillageBootleggers!!

4. What version of iVillage!!PeeknWindows VP Media do I need?

we found that the iVPWinVPM 1995 was good, maybe even an 1985,

perhaps an 1965 version (anything before the stupid VPSO program was started really), as any current model iVPWinVP media will be too costly,

it’ll want 40+hours a week, and OT, with full medical, dental, vision and 2 weeks vacation every year. Sheeesh!!.... soon it'll be taking Flight training and getting a new pickup truck and expecting to help out theVillageKidz even more in school!!

5. Does the iVillagePeeknWindowsVideoPlayer support Real video or Quicktime?

Nooott really.

See, when those PeeknWindows browsers, Slackers & Vagrants are up to no good, they often end up supporting iVillageKidz!! & iVillageChixxx!!

(or at least theOnes not pretty enough or fertile enough to be supported by theiVPSO!!)

let us know how things go and get back to us in about 9mos or 18yrs.

6. Do I need cookies enabled to use the iVillagePeeknWindowsVideoPlayer?

Yes!!

Most certainly Yes, as Sam!!.. uh..
I meant.

As theiVPSO’s are easily placated and entertained by the most inane and silly of things,

But they don’t always rule out food in day to day living so, if you wanna be “HassleFree!!” in theiVillage!!

Feed them cookies, or at least leave out Boxed milk and PopTarts!!

7. Why do I see a streaming video prior to the video clip I selected?

Probably because whomever was contacted & detained, arrested and transported DOESN’T want to have any evidence of such things taking place,

and when you see torn up, pulled-Out “VideoTape” streaming from an angry iVillager!!’s hands that’s usually a sign that such an event happened and they’re trying to dispose of any evidence.

Just keep on selecting and you’re bound to get some tape that you can view, as most of the smart iVPSO’s keep copies of all the footage they take anyway!!

just like Sam!!

8. Can I skip this streaming media advertisement?

No.

that’s how the iVPSO’s and YVCInc!! are making supplemental income now adays,

Just close your ears to the inane voice asking you,

“Hey You!!, are your warts itching and burning!?, Are you scratching constantly and does it burn when you urin...”

Well... you get the picture,
Just relax and go get another shot of Vodka or grab some 2nds from dinner cos theiVillagePeeknWindowsVideoPlayer advertisements are kinda like what you see at the movies!!

they last about 15mins long and then you can watch your selected video.

9. The video displays like a slide show. How can I fix this?

that’s probably because the iVPSO set it up to be that way,

sorry,
But unless you have an extra plate full of “Cookies” or your “MalWear!!” becomes “UndieWear!!” and then becomes “askew” and into “Off” mode,

we can’t help you.

10. How do I exit Full Screen mode?

that’s a tuffie!!

cos we really can’t tell your iVPSO when to exit even OUR houses either!!

Yes, you heard right. Even us dwellers and workers for YVCInc!! are subject to Search&Seizure!! constraints via the iVPSO’s,

But lucky for us, we can change things.... uh.. Certain things. Like

What with that sillySam!! coming to theCity!! for his visits and he decides he’s hungry,

Make his “Search & Seizure” escapdes into an “Search & Caesar!!”.... salad.

complete with bacon bits, hard boiled eggs and loads of Ranch unDressing!! and by golly,
He’s not gonna touch any more of your stuff.

But!!
and we mean, but.

If you have an iElder60 (as in 60yrs of age or older) and they wield an iDiamondWillowCane then the iVPSO will literally jump through your “ScreenDoor” to get out and then,

there you Have it.
an Full Screen EXIT mode!! Ain’t it a beautiful thing!?
“Run Sam!!, run!!

11. Why is the iVillagePeaknWidnowsVideoPlayer page cut off by my monitor?

Probably for theSame!! reason that the iVPSO’s cut off just about any iVillager!! from drinking!!

Cos when theLoad of alcohol being carried by bootleggers exceeds thePants pockets or Jacket pockets, or theBags & Backpacks of the iVillager!! then it’s quite obvious that the Alcohol Load is TOO big.

So, in that train of thought, maybe your Monitor is too small!!
Come on!! Aren’t you natives!?

You get supported by your tribal Corporations and have bi-annual or Quarterly Dividend income checks and thus you can afford to get a bigger monitor, after all.

You can afford to have a brand new pickup truck every 6 months, have theLatest iPods and other electronic toys, and you fly off with the family to Hawaii every year, You do have money!!

12. The iVillagePeeknWindowsVideoPlayah displays himself in public but nothing happens?
Is your iVillage Playah!! an son or daughter of an local TribalCouncil leader?!

If so, that’s your answer!! Cos the offspring and other favored relatives of theVillagers in Charge don’t get blamed for doing wrong,

they don’t get arrested for Murder even!!, they don’t get prosecuted for breaking local and state laws.

So if one of your “Playahs” decides to get high and / or drunk and becomes an Exhibitionist to everyone, including children, and nothing happens, that is why.

13. I cannot hear the audio. How can I fix this?

We dunno.

We’ll let our iVPSO’s handle this question.
Sam!?, are you ready?!

iVPSOtheSam!!: yes,
so.. what was the question about audio!?

is it not loud enough or can they just NOT here.... Not hear it?!

theiVillagePeeknWindowsVideoPlayer TechCrew:
hello Sam!!, yes, they cannot hear theAudio,

So they ask, How can they fix this!?

iVPSOtheSam!!:
ooh...

When you apply your ASPBatonStrikes, utilizing whatever 11-2001 (or 1-2002 or 11-2002 training month & year) cycle program,

you have to “DownStroke” and “DownStroke” and “DownStroke” theKeyboard really hard,

Put your Heart into it, and never ever “Backslash or back stroke as it were, \\\, no..

always the / Downstroke from theStrongSide.

If that won’t bring out theScream from your iVillager!!, then try your iCantSee!! OC resin spray.

That’ll get anyone dancing and screaming.”

14. What do I do if I get an error about codecs?
uhhm.....

Listen, You can use what ever brand of feminine hygiene products you want to.
Quite frankly, at this time, We don’t care.

15. The audio sounds like chipmunks - too fast. How can I fix this?

(more iVPSOtheSam!! typing to us)
Is this “chattering” in haste always preceded by an hearty application of ASPBatonStrikes!?

If so, just keep on MicroCassette tape recording and your iVillage!!Prisoners will slow down and start talking normally.
Unless,

unless it’s theVillageChief and his associates,
then chances are, They’re always gonna be talking like Alvin, Simon & Theodore!! and that’s only cute around Christmas time but certainly not in mid august or even after St patricks day when everyone’s pretty much hammered!!

But,
if this “problem” persists then,

Maybe YOU’D better check YOUR pot & Vodka intake and Slow down,
the problem COULD be with YOU!!

I’m just sayin’!!

16. What speed does the video play at?

Everybody out in the iVillage!! knows that the Video plays at any speed it wants too.

Cos out in the iVillage!!, who cares what the speed limits are!! Just go, go GO man!!

17. The iVillagePeeknWindowVideoPlayah!! huffs theGas but the video never loads?

I’m sorry to say that, after anyone huffs Gas or Paint or any other vapor inhalant, Nothing ever gets “Loaded”, or “Put away”.

In fact, NO work ever gets done cos everyone’s just sitting around in a daze!!

Sad but true.

18. The iVillagePeeknWindowsVideoPlayah stutters when it plays. Is there anything I can do to fix that?
No.

Nothing you can do. I admit that alot of the iVillageBasketBallPlayah’s are incredible but when they fixate themselves with illegal and harmful substances,

it eventually does impair them to a point where they can’t talk right, can’t walk right and can’t do common everyday activities normally anymore.

Nothing you can do.

Thanks for theQuestion everyone. Remember your iVillagePeeknWindowsVideoPlayah!!, especially when he gets caught and sent off to Prison, cos by then, they’ll be gone a long time!!
------------------

Even More Silly FAQ (fake!!) Frequently Asked Questions that were answered from various iVillagers!!

Enjoy!!

---

The iVillagePeeknWindowsVideoPlayer is supported on a variety of operating systems.


-iVillagePeeknWindowsITXPProfessional , (theInebriate Transient Pro!!) No home is EVER without at least “One” pro out in the iVillage!!

-iVillagePeeknWindowsVideoPlayerBreaknWindowsITXP HomeNV8SnEdition,
(theHomeInvasion, home robbery version, sadly, no Home is ever without at least one of these “Monthly” experiences out in the iVillages!!)

-iVillagePeeknWindows$2000Edition, (which pretty much speaks volumes on yearly “Honest” income made by an iVillager!!, $2000)

-iVillagePeeknWindows HUA-MillenniumEdition, an Doomsday favorite that was very popular up until about... end of year 1999,

theHUA stands for “Heads Up Ass”, as when faced with anything doomsday, or work & responsibility related then all iVillageCouncils that utilize this Millenium Edition end up putting their Heads Up their......

-iVillagePeeknWindows 1998 Second Edition, and 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th and up to the578th Edition (and counting!!) because,
quite frankly, if it isn’t nailed down out in theVillage!!

It gets stolen (eventually)
and besides,

1998 was a bad year for thefts.

This iVillagePeeknWindowsVideoPlayah!! is NOT supported by the following browsers:

-theFiredFox!!:
You can SHOOT video of your iVillageChixxx!! “foxes“, however, you will not be able to use the video player features at all,

unless you join their club sites Prepaid for a year and they grant you all access, Not even if She’s your cousin!!

NM8Escape7x:
You can view video, however, you will not be able to use the video player features.

We have no idea how the video player features turned up missing, but they were there one minute and gone the next!!

The Inmates have Escaped again for the 7th Time now, or is it 77th time this month!?

NM8Escape 6.2+ with TapedOverWindowsMediaPlayer Plugin-CurtainBlinds installed:

You can view video using the Windows Media Player plugin, however, you will not be able to “SEE” the Darn video player features very clearly.

As the view will be obstructed and kinda fuzzy!!

We recommend that you upgrade your browser to Friendship 21.0, (so you can legally buy contraband for your friends) or even to the standard iVPSO 30K perYear!!

so that you may view video on this site (because as a friend of your iVillageFox-even if she is your cousin-, or even if you’re her iVPSO with $ to throw around, You’ll be able to SEE Anything you want!!)

NM8Escape without iVillagePeeknWindows MediaPlayer LegShackles-Plugin installed:

You can UnInstall the WindowsMedia LegShackles Plugin by Inserting the iVPSO’s PassKey that you found last summer After he lost it. But we wouldn’t recommend you do this AND get caught afterwards.

Or we highly recommend that you upgrade yourself to another iVPSO-less village by Pointing your Browser and following It,

Just “Shuffle” off utilizing NM8Escape 0.15, as that Point 1-5 is often what BAC / blood alcohol concentration is required to make such rash escape decisions even in the dead of winter and you have No shoes!!

NM8Escape 4.0: (the scholars choice!! as those iVillageTeens and YoungFolk whom are smart, Privileged and more bright than their iVPSO’s!!, don’t have to deal with being iNCUSTD!!

Caution!!
For you iVPSO’s and other iVillagers!!

It is highly recommend that you upgrade your browser Statute LawBookSettings to help you read up on NOT getting Sued or dragged into Court and thus this knowledge will also help you when knowing how to properly utilize any Use of Force applications when interupting an NM8Escape!!


Well.

We see that even WE here at YVCInc (doh!!) have had enough of our own “FuzzyLogic!!”

We’ll end the I/T related questions for this website and hope that all of you can decipher what was just spoken by us.

Even we don’t know what the hell is going on.

laters,

theSam!!
the iVillage!!
theVillageChixxx!!



*hiccup!!*
Even theLiver!!

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