Uncle Sam!!'s Army Guide

UncleSam!!'s Complete Army Guide
-How To Tell!!
htt that You need Glasses!!
You go to every "WiFi Hot Spot" expecting to find yourself a Bride!!, and this while wearing your issued ArmySpecs "BCG's!!" (birthControlGlasses) Bo)
-How To Tell!!
htt that everyone knows you're broke on paydays!!
I'm theOnly one at theRecCtr / RecreationCenter on base, in fact, I'm the only one eating in chowHall that day......
ALL month too!!
that I've been in theArmy all my life.
Cos no one saw me back then (a minority) and no one sees me now!! (even when I'm a Minority wearing army digital combat uniform!!)
that UncleSam!! wants you to be (and in MY case, to GO BACK to theBar & Grill!!) an professionalChef!!
Because your BlackBeret can be poofed up like a mushroom cap on top of your head, just like chefBoydArdee!!  d:oP
that theArmy DOESN'T want you to have kidz!!   d:o(
The Drill Sergeants / DS follow through on threats to kick you......  ME in theNuts (on a daily basis)
I should also mention, that theDS and my fellow CharlieCompany of soldiers keeps shooting me in theNuts with the paintball rounds.
theArmy knows that theNumber "4" is your favorite numeral.
Even though theCompany is now in week 11 of 14, you...
I'm stuck in week "4" pretty much every week, heck, ever since I started this shit in week 8.
.....eh, where was I?!
And I get TearGassed "4" times a week (4 x a day)
and I get "4" hrs sleep, "4" miles running each day
that thePlague!! wasn't the worst epidemic to hit Mankind!!
cos I lived through "Recruit Crud Week"...... twice already,
and now after having that stupid Private cough on me, the one that just got his SmallPox shots,
I'm breaking out again.
that 3 movie titles can also be RealLife!!
When an "GI" gets caught off base with Hooker "Jane", and goes on the run becoming "theFugitive"
cos he was seeing "theCaptainsDaughter"
I'll never be all I can be while in army uniform no matter how long I serve!!
cos after living 42yrs and doing everything from ranchHand, HairStylist, DishWasher, LineCook & Food Prep to Childcare,
Security, village PublicSafety, privatePilot, pianist to Barista etc,etc
I've pretty much BEEN All I'm ever gonna be!!
loves, theSam!!
PFC / private first class!!
Samuel L Flyinghorse
fortBenning, GA


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