Showing posts from 2007

theSam!! Answers Your Questions!!



for reals ok?! ?!


Let 'er rip!!

-Cold + gas = cash?
Does hot or cold weather make your car use more gasoline?-submitted by AnonymousVillager!!

-theSam!! Answers!!
I'd say COLD weather.

Cos if theVillageChick!! girlfriend(s) have taken theCar!! that means that they'll drive all the way to theCity!! just to import alcohol back into theVillage!!

Cold weather means sitting for hours roadside and idling theEngine, using theDefrosters and cranking theHeat up!!

After all, the average VillageChick!! hardly wears a thing anywayz, Jeans, a skimpy top and perhaps a Hoodie, and they all share the same pair of shoes,

And all of theAbove (even the "sharing of the same pair of shoes) just taxes theEngine of a vehicle to no end, in fact,

all PublicSafetyVehicles, whether Police or Fire and especially Police vehicles are most heavily used & eventually worn out / damaged of all vehicles,

because they run almost 24 / 7 / 365, and just above that listing …

May It Be!!

May It Be!!

and if it doesn't ever happen, Just Blog about like it did and no one will ever know theDifference anyway!!
X:oP -lil MoselyMoose!!

Hi everyone, it's me theAlterEgo of my master, an Stuffed toy,
MoselyMoose here, or Har!! no.. Hair...
that's it.

Yous hoomons and your language,
too much "Mouthing" / speaking and not enough eating willow bark and hib.. hibi..


Hibiscus herbs!!

there, got it. Cos us Moose love to eat willow trees, flowers and moss.
And another thing, Ya gotta eat firewweed too and not just look at it as a sign on summer "dying" and fall approaching.

Us Meese in theWild, look at theFireweed and see it as a sign of More of Us "dying" when winter snow comes and we slip slide on Ice and umm... Cars approaching.


I see that I speak tooooooo soon.
about too much mouthing and not enough eating though.

I mean,
Have you ever gone to work at theBar with my Master!?

Holy smokes,
you got literally 100's of bipeds …

theSam!!'s Lying again!!......

So, what am I lyin... er,, I mean,
So, What's My Line!? Read on and find out!!

Whats my Line!?
« on: December 23, 2007, 06:35:08 AM »

Reply with quote Modify message
Whats in YOUR subject line!?
theSam!! wants to know.....

remember that he played this game last year?!

He's just too damn lazy to find the topic in Archives and entertain
himself reading and re reading it again and again and again...

and again.

here's a few lines from my SubjectLine!!

-A few days Late and a couple hundred dollars short!!

I have no idea what I was saying here on this one,
Someone google it for me and tell me please,

-And after theFirstFeast!!
Thumbs Up

Thanksgiving.... always an hit with my (now missing) gallbladder AND
my pancreas!!

umm, don't remind me how I get so worked up on this.. WTF
for theWholeMonth!! about all the wrongs perpetuated on theNatives over this one national holiday,

I like to think of it as,

I theSam!! get to avenge all my skinz!! LOL
by posting inane stuff for white peop…


My GallBladder Got Me This Cup!! d:o(

Every sport, every major event has some type of award that goes with it,
We here at YVCInc!! (doh) decided that we needed to award something to our silly former VPSO Sam!!

It's not that he's missing out on anything really,
he's done much in life already,

he's got his musical instruments, he's armed, he can fly!!
he can do much things medical,

Then we realized, that he's got it already.
It happens every time now, every day that he goes to work in theBars & Restaurants,
He's already got a Cup!!, and he drinks from it or from his other water containers.

But we just decided to make it official and so we got ahold of one of his black magic markers and started writing on his most favorite of SippyCups, theOne with theBuilt-in Straw!!

Writing was incredibly easy, trust us, each day with "Him" is a sitcom show.


Various writings upon my 30oz cup I got 2yrs ago via an overnight visit to theAlaskaNativeMedic…

It's Not Over till theSam!! sings.....

Merry Christmas from theSam!!

12 Days of Sam!!

-On the 1st Day of Christmas, theLeadChef!! gave to me-
a Burnt Pan I had to Scrubbee!!

-On the 2nd Day of Christmas, theBarSupplier gave to me-
2 Asbestos Gloves!!

-On the 3rd Day of Christmas, my Friends gave to me-
3 MySpace bulletins!!

-On the 4th Day of Christmas, my Hohner electric gave to me-
4 Power Chords!!

-On the 5th Day of Christmas, theLeadServerGirl!! gave to me-
5 Cake Mould rings!!

-On the 6th Day of Christmas, Route 45Bus!! gave to me-
6 Drunks a Riding!!

-On the 7th Day of Christmas.........ahh What theHell.
I don’t have time for all this....

On the 12th day of Christmas, my DayOff!! gave to me-

12 Hours Sleeping!!
11 Patrons Griping!!

10 Girlfriends Calling!!
9 bucks + Tips!!

8 Trashbags Breaking!!
7 Tushes Spanking!! (uhmmm. I hug theGirls alot!!)

6 Inebriates Riding!!
5 Cake Mould rings!!

4 Power Chords!!
3 silly Bulletins!!

2 Asbestos Gloves!!
and a Burnt Pan I had to scrubbee!!

-More Christmas KAROAKE SAM!!

We 3 Dummo’s,

Order up!!

here's an order of Chaos with a few sides of mayhem & mirth AND Girth!!

From theBulletin Board!!

More corky postings from theBOH / back of House!!

Friends of theSam!! were really shocked when he announced that Dec 2007 could be the last installment of AlaskaVillageTales!!,

It seems theSam!! wants to try something different, like......Writing!!

An Fall 2007 Bar scene painting by theSam!! done with actual Food and Libations upon an LinenApron,

was auctioned off at an private Pub & Club event in December 2007 for a mere $9.50 +Tips!!, uhh....

You have to go to theAlley BEHIND theBar!! to see theMaster!!’s other work though, just peek inside theGreenDumpster.

This makes theNot-so-StarvingArtiste’s 2nd highest commission as theSam!! recently began work upon a new medium, those silly looking paper ChefHats!!

Each work shift brings curious DinnerGuests, BarClients and even Admins come down off theMountain and into theBOH / back of house,

to theKitchen to see theTroubledArtiste’s …

theSam!! answers an Keg's List Personal ad

theSam!! Posts an Keg's List Personal ad!!
(ehh... to Himself!!)

I found it!!
I mean,

I found HER!! my dream womonzez.

an KegList posten reeds like dis:
"i am looking for serious relationship,
i man that will take good cares of me"


theSam!! will answer soon like this:
"im also on da lookout for Seras,
he's got an $5000 arrest warrant,

And amen too sister,
glad to see that you want to be good
taken cares of..."
Blank Stare

and here's some more KegList postens wit deSam!! commintry

Hi --

(Hey you!!)

I'm 38, pretty, secure job and single. My child has flown the nest and I'm situated to buy or build a home in the Valley next spring.

(wow, you must be in DOC or else Police, cos lately, those pretty much really hardcore SECURE jobs as of late.
Blank Stare,

and, you're a bird!?
I can live with that, just don't be pickin' at my hair to build a nest)

I'm looking for a tall, honest man.

(sometimes sweetheart, I find my…


thePublic's Shame!!

The PublicSam!! Report is compiled from citizen complaints filed in Basketball, raquetball, tennis, VillageTribal!!, State and Federal COURTS!!, as well as with “some police blotter information“,

Other “credible sources” come from State Trooper dispatches, fire department / EMS reports and interviews with public safety officials,

These interviews to include a couple of disgruntled former coWorkers, 3 Really-really hot female Supervisors and a couple of Barista stand girls whom have been known to Stalk theSam!! when ever he sets foot in Downtown Anchorage.

theIndividual(s) named as Contacted / Detained / Arrested and/or charged with crimes in this report are presumed innocent until proved guilty in a court of law......

Mehh.. Whom are we kidding!? he's guilty as hell!!


‘lil Sam E. Boy!!, 04, los Angarage!!, was charged with 120degree Farenheight assault after a ServerGirl / woman said he twisted her arm Friday at theChippedCup!! when ordering an 20o…

End of Year Billboard Favorites!!

"Mom!! Sam’s drinking again!!"

More Billboard Favorites with theSam!!

this weeks installment of VillageTales has us going back to yesterday,
back to Sobriety in fact,
Back before I ever set foot in a restaurant or, quite frankly, a bar for that matter to work.

I honestly think that this List of music favorites only stayed on theBillboard so long cos of theBarMgr sneaking bacon bits off theHolding rack,

realized that her fingers were sticky from her saliva,
she has to grab a handtowel cos theDummoSam!! / dishMachineOperator is out of reach,
else she’d just use his linen jacket sleeves (again)

but then she slips on the wet kitchen floor and sticks out a hand to steady herself and smacks theBillboard wall leaving traces of saliva, bacon bit crumbs and Thusly,

this List is forever fastened to theBillboard and subsequently covered up by weeks and weeks of ShiftSchedules, EventNotices and handbills,

33 weeks of postings to be exact!!, when finally theCorkboard gives up theGhost!! and s…



Back in 2001 when I went out to theVillage!!
I ordered an Casio Keyboard from Sam’sClub and never looked back.

As I had taken piano lessons when I was a child, those simple tunes and lessons stuck with me all my life.

And so, as part of helping me keep my sanity and keeping my mind & spirit occupied and uplifted when doing VPSO work out there,

I did pick up those lessons learned long ago throughout the years of my life, did start piano practice whenever I could find a piano to practice on and did start to learn to read music and to write tablature & notation,

But what I’m joking about today is theTunings of the Acoustic Guitar.
I also learned to play Guitar when I was a child, and have since then, gone back and picked up what skills I learned and

have also expanded the Instrument collection to include theViolin-as of last year 2006. theViolin is a very hard instrument to play, but it's worth it.

Music is fun,
Learn the basics, practice practice practice and after warming…

Villaged Initiatives

thisPost is sponsored by Ack!! Villaged unInitiatives ink!!
Proud pervos... proud parvo.. wait. That’s a dog virus,,,

Proud perverts.. no.

Proud perveyors of things that go bang, and we’re not just talking of theVillageChixxx!! and resultant baby booms either!!


Lite one little inky, dinky small fuse and a series of colors fills the sky hunderds of feet in the air,

At the stroke of Midnight ring in the New Year with a Bang!!

You’ll love this package,
You’ll love seeing this bright Career blossom and bud,

You’ll love seeing this Potential go Up in Smoke!! as it were and just as quickly, fade to black right before your eyes.

theVPSOC / veepSock!! in a box weighs in at a hefty 240lbs and even before the fireworks show begins at midnight,

theFireworks show begins when you bring theVeepSock!! package into theVillage!!

Drive it in, tour it around theVillage!! and intro it to just about everyone because when this package gets li…