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Showing posts from November, 2005

YVC Press Release!!

YVC Inc Press Release
(YVC Inc, theCity, Nov 30, 2005, Chelsea Talker PIO - Public Information Officer)

Item 1.
VCU Alaska! / Village Credit Union-Alaska! will now be hosting Quarterly press releases on the YVC Inc website.

Press releases are now available in ViDT (Village inebriate - Delerium Tremens) format.

Viewing them requires the free ViDT InterCranium software available after serious drinking bouts. Just access your account by Internet.

Helpful information reps are standing by to IM and argue with you.

IM-YVC-Billy224: Don't call me a snoggy head you drunk, and learn how to spell.
Your account says that last Sat 12 Nov 2005 at 2318:38hrs you withdrew $620 from Checking leaving you with a balance of $176. I didn't take that money you moron, I was out with my frien... oh God. *sigh*

IM-Customer Lefty112: ddded so! I was at the Elbow Rrrom looking at my... your chist and I said to you.. Irene. Will you mary me! Then I barrfed and fell off the floor and you stole my monkey!..!


Item …

WAG the Dog: Episode II - Attack of the Sponsors

Long ago in a Forum far far away.......
I posted my Copper Basin 300 experiences in WAG the Dog - an earlier posting to this Blog. Read all about it if you haven't done so already.

I just visited the CB300 site and the posting is still there.
The site admins either aren't paying attention to whom posts there or they're too busy out running their mutts to care who posts. Probably both.

Anyway, I posted the following to another forum on the CB300 site.

Site Trouble?

OH!!

And here I thought someone was complaining of my posting here.

Never mind.

Say, about your logo.

It's outdated as the current crop of Canine Athletes are slightly smaller, are not colored like the "stereotype" Husky dog of Jack London novels, AANNDD!!, he's not wearing a custom hand-sewn/machine made fleece & wool lined Nylon/Kevlar blend custom striped race jacket that cost more than my dad's new pickup truck.

Change the logo to reflect the current times!

Kevlar you say??
Hey pal. I go j…

the Red Rez Tour announcements

YVC Inc, Nov 28, 2005. Tara "mascara" White (Intern)

YVC received the following announcement by flaming arrow from our sister Skinz down south in the Lower 48.

theRedRez Inc company based on the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe, South Dakota, will now be hosting their quarterly Plains Crossing Re-enactments for all the White Tourists to participate in and to enjoy a Once-in-a-"Lifetime" experience of epic proportions.

Grab the reigns to your favorite horse or Ox team and hitch up your favorite Conestoga wagon, grab the wife and kids....don't forget to bring along
Mother-in-Law too coz you're going camping. (you'll also need her as currency)

Try the Plains trek, "Trail of Jeers"
Your package choice includes 2 weeks of starvation and near death as real LIVE
Injunz stalk and Verbally harrass your wagon train day after day with anti-Repub
slogans and stave off precious sleep as they Pow-Wow all night "just over
the Hill" to the sounds of Indigenous,…

For Sale to good Villager

One (1) small remote Native Alaskan village for sale by resident who's had enough BS from the various Tribal Administrators, Council leaders AND the office Janitor.



The cost to you is a tank of gas for me, Get me outta here!!





I must warn you that you need a good vehicle, preferably a 4wheel drive truck.
I barely got my Nissa out of the Village in one piece and I destroyed my Chevy Silverado long-bed hauling fuel heating oil one winter and hauling kids to the Lake to swim one summer. Get a CDL so you can drive a cement truck or even better; a Tank.

Village Measurements; 7 miles long x 2 miles wide, but enough about my Nose and the Council Chiefs daughter!




Pop; 182.7 people. 4 sled dog yards at 27.9 dogs each. 6 stray cats, 4 caged birds and 3 chickens.




Economy; Ha!! That's a good one.

-16 husbands (or LiveIns) are up on the Northslope 10 months out of the year. The OTHER 2 they're away from the Village (out of spite) to work trainings or else binge drinking.

-Village PFD payments…

This Just In - Again.

And you thought meat only came from the Store wrapped in plastic.

A new Village program that was started by the VPSO is in full swing this month. Actually it’s on its knees and bleeding-drawing it’s last breath in fact, gurgling... choking. Sending steam into the air......

Delinquent Youth from the Village (DYV)will butcher moose, caribou and pedestrians knocked down by speeding Alaska highway motorists.

“The plan is to provide packages of meat (and clothes) to the Village needy“, stated a Village press release just moments ago in a self unzipping zip packet powerpoint bundle that was emailed out to various state news and govt Agency’s.

When pressed further for info, the various news and state Agency’s couldn’t comment because they were too busy oggling the Fine fine village delicacy that had snuck her pics into the zip packet.

Further attempts at contact were unsuccessful as everyone had quickly run from their desks to the bathroom. Later on reports from throughout the City of huge run…

Fire Burns in Downtown Village

Fire burns in downtownVillage.
the Village, AK. (YVC Inc)

A fire erupted in a downtown flop house and quickly spread through the three room building near a crowded area full of holiday revelers Friday evening.

One Village First Responder suffered minor injuries, but no other injuries were reported. The first alarm came at 1:51 a.m., the Village Volunteer Fire Capt. Joseph Marksupiat stated.

Village firefighters believed they had the blaze contained by 3:00 a.m. but said they were still fighting to get it under control. One room of the destroyed structure was said to be the hiding place of all the Booze.

Which explained the myriad of Flashovers and explosions as the initial response teams battled the blaze.

One witness said, “It was incredibly brave of them to attack the fire like that.....unless they were just trying to save the booze before the rest of the Village woke up.”

Red-hot melted metal framing from appliances, bedding and plumbing still sizzled and fumed in the smoky darkness of…

Some fun postings at a Native Chat room.

7 Shawl Dance Sisters
Advanced Member
3348 Posts
There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year!
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Bullmoose
Advanced Member
5591 Posts
Just walk down the halls of Congress. You could get enough asses in 5 minutes to fill a dozen stables .

BigKnife
Advanced Member
2483 Posts
I'd think we can find at least 3 wise men here and maybe a couple of asses, a whole bunch of sheeps, too.

FastPony
Average Member
342 Posts
lol! I thought this was another one of those ritious Christian threads. not that I mind people worshiping as they choose so long as they aren't shooving it down someone's throat or being all uppity. Thanks for the laugh.

theSam!!
Senior Member
539 Posts
Post…

Village life is slow sometimes.

Cliches and sayings.
I contributed once to an online discussion forum. Here's a few things to read.

Village life is slow sometimes, try sitting in your office and watching a white plastic trash sack lazily blow by on the wind and get hung up on the bushes.
It flutters and waves. After an hour you want to rush out and free the poor thing.

Kansas may have Dust in theWind, but theVillage has trash in the woods.

She's so big, you have to not only go around the house, you go around theVillage.

The north winds blow so strongly here the village is in danger of blowing away, but no one worries as long as half the women are here. Their immense weight keeps us safe. Of course the same could be said about me Mr 250.

Anything rural isn't really tough until it's Village Tuff.

YourVillageCalled!!!! etc. This is self explanatory.....moving on.

As busy as a VPSO; (fireman, policeman, search & rescue man & co ordinator, dog catcher, baby sitter, truant officer, warrants officer (arrests…

"Note to Self".......

do not attend the village turkey dinner this Thur 24 Nov.
Why?

Because we now have "fowl" running around in theWoods due to the fiasco that happened recently at the local "Annual Village Turkey shoot".

Typically our turkey shoot is trap shooting at Clay pigeons,but this year we were going to do something different.

I thought that we were going to shoot the Tribal Admin & Cronies.
When I voiced this aloud everyone just glared at me.

I wondered what we'd shoot at this year and a real live "Goobblle-gobblle!" greeted my ears. That was my answer.

Bill, theVillage trouble maker, let loose the first Turkey to run, and our current reigning Village Beauty-Tess, racked a shell into her shotgun, took aim and promptly broke a nail after theBoom!!

She dropped the shotgun right away and sprinted down theHighway to her friends Nail Shop & Esthetics Log-cabin for an $80 repair. Hmmm. considering all the happened next, Tess was the lucky one.

And Gramma, yes dangerou…

A Police Officer Speaks

A POLICE OFFICER SPEAKS

Well, Mr. Citizen, it seems you've figured me out. I need to fit neatly into the category where you've placed me. I'm stereotyped, standardized, characterized, classified, grouped, and always typical.

Unfortunately, the reverse is true. I can never figure you out.
From birth you teach your children that I'm the bogeyman, then you're shocked when they identify with my traditional enemy...the criminal! You accuse me of coddling criminals...until I catch your kids doing wrong.

You may take an hour for lunch and several coffee breaks each day, but point me out as a loafer for having one cup. You pride yourself on your manners, but think nothing of disrupting my meals with your troubles.

You raise hell with the guy who cuts you off in traffic, but let me catch you doing the same thing and I'm picking on you. You know all the traffic laws...but you've never gotten a single ticket you deserve.

You shout "foul" if you observe me dri…