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Showing posts from November, 2009

Live from Fort Stewart!!

How To Tell!!.... that you've been OverCharged (again) for Basic Enlisted Barracks Quarters Room damage even though you JustMovedIn!! -On theCallOut price list, theHole In theWall charge starts at $45, but when your roomie (a 2 man room) takes a dump YOU charge $80 to stick your hand through and Wipe!! -theCeramicTile costs $60 to replace yet that youngArmyChick!! you had over last weekend (after her hubby deployed) had breast Implants harder, Smoother and Colder than your apt kitchenCounterTops!! -you got drunk (again), lost your key card and spent another $30 and now replace it so many times, Housing gave up on you, thus leaving theMainExchange (army PX) store clerks took over and now they "codeProximity" label your 151 Rum bottle labels to at least keep your Apt doors unlocked at least 4 days a week. -theDamaged!! interior Storm door ($400) actually refers to your girlfriends Diaphragm!! d:o( -theSink Fixture ($120), is really that hot lil' female from WeaponsBrigade wh…

theSoldierSam!!

theSoldierSam!! -theSoldierSam!! now tehBlackEye!! of 3rd Division (and of FortStewart!!) -tSS!! whom can STILL see Russia from his house!! (only cos he hid theSmirnoff vodka bottle in the grass field across from theReceptionBarracks!!) -tSS!! hoping to win theTriStateMega-millions lotto before deployment!! -tSS!! Georgias most Dazed & Confused Army Soldier!! -tSS!! his "edge on Life in tehArmeh!!" is the dull rusty disposable razor in his ShaveKit bag. -tSS!! having found his future in theArmy!! (but only cos he glanced at theHoroscopes while reading theBaseNewsPaper) -tSS!! still Nipping!! from theAfterShave bottle tucked away inside his ShaveKitBag (only not as much though once he walked into a miniShoppette on base and realized "they Sold Alcohol!!") -tSS!! trying to "be all he can be" in tehArmeh!!, which after 1 pushup in fortSill and that 2nd bout with "recruitCrud" in fortBenning-quite frankly still isn't much!! -tSS!! now face dwon in theGutter!! …