Showing posts from March, 2005

Educate me, on Why we should carry knives?

One Online forum that I visit posted this question. Below is "my" response.

Knife carrying 101; Village style
1. When sneaking around theVillage on patrol and you have to hide in Granma's food cache (smokehouse) you can cut some salmon or moose meat that is hanging to dry/smoke and eat it.

2. When someone that you pulled over absolutely will not get out of the vehicle then you can "cut" them out. (cut the seat belt)

3. When on river patrol and you park your boat and go inland and return to your boat and find rope "purposely" tied around your prop. Cut it.

4. You can pick your teeth gaps free of moose meat or salmon during the down time.

5. You can play Mumbly Peg, or VillageToes, or Yukon Jack (what ever your specific region calls the game) of throwing the knife at each other's feet. The VPO (village police officer) got an extra 1/2" split next to his big toe and I got my arch stabbed from one game.

6. You can impress theVillage kidz (boys) when yo…

More news from YourVillageCalled!!!

More News that's Unfit to Print!!!!

this just in......
due to budget cuts in the VSPO program each Village in theYVC region is asked to submit names and nominate the "oneVillager" (as there's always one such person in each Village) that either;

a. constantly walks around theVillage at certain hours day and night, whose timing is more constant than the earths march around the sun.

b. stays home 24/7 and never goes anywhere (and we mean, never goes anywhere) and whom often goes outside on the porch each night to smoke, gossip on the cordless phone.

The reason being that YVC needs the feral fundz to keep operating but needs to cut back on our ranks of occifers in theVillages.

So, we are turning to those "special" Villagers that can technically and legally be employed and paid to be in theVillage as a designated VSPO at reduced rates than what we would normally pay our full time VPSO's.

Submit your abdominations before 1700 hrs Fri 25 to theYVC orifices.

this Jus…

Postings to a Native chat forum.

Native American Movie descriptions.

-Salmon berries and old Leather / Arsenic and Old Lace

-Lonely adopted buck toothed smelly white man at the end of the village who talks funny / Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

-Bridget Jones’s Winter count blanket (that is stiff and smells kinda funky) / Bridget Jones's Diary

-Shaman 2, a gifted medicine-man Buffalo Soldier looks after all the Tribal horses and other animals (Just wait until the Son-In-Law comes back) / Doctor Dolittle 2

Keep Reading!!!!!

-The Englishman who went to the Reservation but came back an Indian, does this sound vaguely familiar to any Certain poster to Our chat room?? / The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain

-Taking off the Breachclothe / The Full Monty

-Looking at the Stars in the Sky and knowing that even now Mars is next to fall / Galaxy Quest

-It’s that Time of the Month (again) / I Married a Witch
(also what happens after this next description)

-He should bring 100,000 stallions, 50,000 mar…

WAG the Dog

Wag the Dog
The "Copper Basin 300" sleddog race skidded into the village slicker than waxed plastic sled runners yesterday (Sat morn) and as of 0200hrs today (sun morn) the last dog team left Chistochina.

Our humble (Ha!!!) village was the first checkpoint in the race.
In the dog mushing world there are mandatory races to run all over the United States, Canada and Alaska to qualify to run in the Biggest Sleddog Races; the Iditarod and the Yukon Quest. The CB 300 is a qualifier race.

And you thought Ironists climbed mountains, scaled buildings and SCUBA dived in order to take a few minutes to iron clothes didn't you?

If you want a lesson in Irony and Futility then watch a Dog Musher (the human driver) flip his dogsled and using a clothes iron, melt wax and "iron" it into the plastic runners.

After he does this then move closer to carefully observe as he takes a knife and shaves off EVERYTHING that he just put onto the sled runners!!

Carefully tiptoe away and spea…

A former VPSO speaks out.

I am a Native American from South Dakota. My mother moved up here in 1994 and I moved up here in 1999. Alaska is our new home.
I currently live with my mother and her AK Native (Ahtna) husband in Chistochina but I have not always lived here with my family.

From 2/2001 to 10/2003 I was an active VPSO (Village Public Safety Officer) to Minto. I was employed by TCC (Tanana Chiefs Conference) in Fairbanks. So with my mothers experience with the AK Natives here in Chistochina and with my own VPSO experiences we see that although the Natives here in AK have come along way in evolving into council powers and regional corporations with enough clout for the State to take notice; the Natives are still held back by alcohol. And they are held back by distrust of white culture and other Outsiders.

I loved my VPSO calling and cherished my position in Minto but there were people young and old that worked against me and ultimately left me no other choice but to leave the village overnight in…

Somewhere out there in the Villages

a young girl in school will read all of this and then jolt wide awake, screaming wildly in fright before scampering home.
"And he's protecting US???!" she'll cry.

Fall of 2004 I wrote to someone.

Flyinghorse SECURITY is the name of my Security Guard Agency that I am starting.
I have an AK business license now. And I'm waiting on bonding & insurance quotes before buying insurance and sending my completed applications
packet back to the State. I will be Agency & Guard licensed as well.

I'm working on uniform and badge style too. But I really can't buy anything until my insurance & bonding is paid for and I get the State licenses first. Catch 22.

I'm trying to figure out how I can participate during the AK summer fire season though. Get a nice rig or two and paint them "flames" with wild colors?

Though I'm not too happy about the type of "worker" such seasonal jobs attract. The drunks and potheads. I've been on 2 EFF cr…

Emergency Medical Transport-It all Begins with a Dream!

I hit the Internet hard when I research things. I get into newsgroups and into forum discussions and even real-time chat with some people via Chat rooms.

Just before Fall of 2004 I had been contacting Transport vendors to see what ideas I could bounce off them.

I had taken steps to being my own Security Guard Agency here in Alaska and had other paperwork to finish up. Then some people wanted me to be VPSO for them, so I put all those personal dreams on hold.

But I had plans and dreams of what someday would be like if I had my own Security Agency. I'm not afraid to share with anyone what I have in mind for the Alaska public.

This state is BIG and needs all the help from as many people possible in policing, patrolling and protecting the lonely roads of this Last Frontier. Right now, with my previous VPSO experience I feel comfortable going into any Police, Fire, EMT, SAR, probations officer situation.

And the kind of Security Agency I'd run would do all of that as well. We'd pat…

Who's A Tree?

I had received a chain e-mail asking me to read the list of trees and picking my favorite one. At the end of the e-mail was "answers" that told my personality according to the Trees I had picked.

I'll start by saying that there's just one "tree" or plant that I do not like at all. It's the feared "diamond willow".

From these small trees you can get walking sticks and canes that are wielded so hastily by mean Elders up and down the Rivers of the remote Interior Alaskan wilderness.

I know of this....have felt a cane or two as it was used upon me when smack dab in the middle of a domestic dispute or two at 2 in the morning.

When I was a hero lawman in uniform the diamond willow was my kryptonite. Enterprising Natives can fetch $300 to $800 per cane if they varnish & shellac the heck out of it. But other more honest Natives take their canes closer to heart.

Such village Elders I speak of are tough and resilient...almost as tough as their can…

2004 Christmas Carols

"He's getting a felony list, checking it twice!",
"gonna find out who's been naughty and nice."
"VPSO's coming to the Village!!!"

"He sees you when you're sleeping!, he knows when you're awake!"
"He knows when you've been bad or good, VPSO, get a LIFE!!!"

"oh... ya' better not pout, better not cry.",
Better not DUI, Assault, DV, B&E, Minor in possession..I'm telling you why."
"VPSO is coming to the Village!!!"

Merry Christmas Everyone.

More Writings.

"Hello, and welcome to the YVC Rescue Hotline.
If you know the name of the felony being committed, Press 1.

To choose from a list of felonies, Press 2.
If you are being murdered or calling from a rotary phone, please stay on
the line..."

Alaska Flagging Handbook
Page 2. Tools.
Flaggers should have the standard "Stop" / "Slow" paddles,
which are at least 18 inches wide with letters at least 6 inches high.

Page 3. Flagger’s Position.
When on duty, flaggers should remain out of sight of approaching traffic until the last possible second. Then flaggers are to suddenly appear "as if out of nowhere" and stand at the side of the road holding the "Stop" / "Slow" paddles in a non committal manner.

Page 4. Flagger’s Behavior.
As the first car(s) arrive and the drivers are looking at you to determine whether or not to proceed by looking at your sign, turn the paddle sign facing them.

Then switch the paddle sides in an abrupt manner, followed…