All theNews that's fit to Print!!
All theNews that's fit to Print, Misprint and Ms Quote!!
Today's yammerings is endorsed by theSam!! who vigorously promises to not only Visit theBush after he wins thePrimary, but he'll shampoo, condition, cut, color and Wax theBush if he's declared Victor after upcoming Elections.
Speaking of Bush.......theSilvers are IN!! and theReds are OUT, dying and being eaten up along theRiver banks by hungry Seagulls
"peck, peck, peck".
theSecurity Sam!!
Now Harmed and Dangerous, and even more grumpy when he gets stuck with a duty vehicle with no working music radio.
Is he grinding his teeth or just chewing on a .45 cal bullet?
And he works for us??!!!
INCIDENT REPORT
(to Provide as seamy...as Seamless report as Possible Sam, just circle the appropriate info as close as what actually happened to You or your Victims. *sigh* We know we'll definitely be hearing from Irate clients and concerned public anyway)
Account Name:
-Burgers King,
-Wendies,
-Crazyhorse 2 saloon,
-Midtown Salon & DaySpa,
-Carl jr,
-theCourtHouse,
-iHopps,
-Sylvias house of Pain,
-FlapJaxx Bistro bar & grill,
-Confidential Account Name
Note: when accessing info regarding all ConAccounts, all Security Officers must use Sight Restraint hoods and Hearing impairment devices when Approaching, Driving / Walking Through ConActs property / buildings / employee crowds.
Furthermore, all SO's must use Impaired Recording Instruments when recording any info, taking statements, interacting with people during any ConAct contact.
To cite some excellent examples of ConAct interaction (especially regarding some Native clients) we have copied and dispersed recent reports from theSam!! as he is well known for Hurrying through all ConAct interactions with theRock radio blasting, flattening speed bumps, hastily writing illegible reports while driving at top speed and besides.....
theSam!! is frugal in obtaining cheap Yet Effective Sight restraint hoods every time he uses his Food Stamp card at Carzz grocers.
All SO's are required to obtain similar SR hoods and DO NOT CUT breathing holes in them when installing them upon your cranium No Less then 1/2 mile from any ConAct account address.
theConfidentiality of our ConAct clients must be maintained!!
We won't look at their problems because quite frankly, neither do they.
Date:
-Blind,
-Mercy,
-Wingman,
-3rd Wheel,
-Needed an adult to: see Movie, get into Bar, buy cigarettes & alcohol)
-Saucy,
-"Dry" as a Village and just as big!!
Account Address:
(main streets and cross streets Sam.
Quit referencing everything in Anchorage from your Mtn View Apt, from theDowntown Bars,from any and all StripClubs, from all fast food joints and restaurants please!!)
Type of Incident:
-Patrol,
-Guard,
-Alarm Response,
-Cat stuck in Tree,
-Hot dancer stuck on Pole at theClub,
-School:
PreSchool / Kintergarten
(Activate butt-SWAT team, all Members must be Insurance & Medical updated and wear Body Armor!! to cushion you when those Single, 2 Job working Moms attack),
MiddleSchool
(confiscate all Ipods, Nanos, Ipads & MaxiPads and note style of Vans, Capris and utility cargo pants worn. Also note how high / low / or Visible a Female "whale tail" will be)
Jr & Sr High
(alert theSam!! and tell him to take his Sony Cam, if he got his Village school kids to run and behave it might work for theCity kids too,
if nothing else, tell theSam!! to take his BullHorn and talk to the volatile crowds in his Whiny Nasal tone, they'll break down in boredom then)
Note which Crowd theOffending kids are a part of; Geeks, Jocks, Preps, Losers (use this time to Recruit, recruit, recruit to work for us!!)
Be especially sensitive to Cultural differences; i.e. Three Guards responded to a school fight last month and was told to look for Tattoos and the Guards ended up detaining some pasty-White Goths when instead, they should have been looking for some Samoans/Mauri as they also-are tattood.
In fact, if any Kids you meet are Tattood, Inscribed, Fonted, Crayoned, Branded, Pierced, Poked and Prodded in theLeast just send an Officer from the Night shift as they Often have thePale, unDead Zombie look. Especially theOver Timers like theSam!! who's looking lighter recently. He got mad at some school kids cos they thought he was Nordic or German instead of Lakota.
Don't worry about Native students, they often drop out after Middle school.
College, VoTech, Beauty
(confiscate weapons; Orange sticks, hair dryers, nail files, stilettos),
Massage school
(confiscate all vibrating tools, oils)
Medical school
(confiscate all speculums, gowns and vaseline)
Remember that this type of "Other than Traditional College"student is Special and much different than the Bright, Vibrant students that know what they want to be when they grow up. theSam!! can relate to this type of Crowd so Wake him, track him down at all costs and bring him in for these C / VT / B / M school insurrections)
Incidents Continued
-Pasta & Seafood,
(if Italians involved note use of Silencers, garotte ropes and decapitated horse heads)
-thePastrami,
-theString Cheese!!,
-Competing Native Corporations employees fist fighting again; in Public, in Traffic,
-that Time of theMonth,
(note Flow; light, heavy, Cramps, bloating, overall bitchiness, access to weapons etc)
-sleep Tent raided at TentCity on 3rd;
(stash of left over pizza stolen, orange juice all dranked up and two females passed out in sleeping bag, ??)
-Career, Hopes and Dreams found Face down in theGutter,
(treat as Crime scene, Cordon / Tape off area, note witnesses, bystanders. If none of this is possible just finish your weekly dinner, generously tip the Cute barmaid, drink all your Pop and wobble all over the sidewalk with your Bike on your way home then weep in theShower)
-Accidental Gun Discharge; Suite at Providence ready and Staff standing by,
-Crashed Patrol Truck (again); RubberNecking young sweeties, DragRacing StreetRacers, Fell asleep at wheel from too much OverTime,
-Late for Work-Tire on Bicycle went flat (again),
-Banning;
Incumbent Mayoral and Governer Candidates from various Strip Malls and other Hi volume public places on Company Accounts List as Election deadlines draw near.
Remember recent training mandates Mace/OC spray for two former Govs, theBaton for the New Runners and fuzzy Cuffs & stern talking to for theHot New female Governor!!
-Patrol Room / Guard Shack Response; DayShift and NightShift are playing practical jokes on each other. Whoopie cushions inside Vehicle seats, Talcum/Baby powder inside the vehicle air vents etc ad nauseum.....
Time of Dispatch / Incident:
(as opposed to Datpatch, Furpatch, Nico-Patch, thePill Patch and CoIncident)
Time of Arrival:
(not when you got your first paycheck ever and got that crummy bike, riding it around like you owned theSidewalks... we mean,
When you Started, Instigated or *ahem*... got to theIncident)
Time of Departure:
(time you left, Fled from, Sped away from said Incident you Started, Instigated or Agitated)
Incident Data:
(be spicific as to Whom, What, When, Where and Why.....Yes Sam,
with all your Vaunted Village experience You can expound upon HOW things happened)
Action Taken:
(actions can also be Incidents as well or stem from Incidents)
-Hemming and Hawing scratching chin, flicking Lint off uniform sleeve while Complainant babbles in Spanish / Farsi / English about his stolen bicycle,
-Using Duty truck to give other Security Company employees rides to "their" work and home again (all theBig, HUGE Samoan girls)
-Narrowing down theCause of Incident "to Her raging hormone levels and the fact that she just killed a bottle of Vodka",
-Mimicking theWet Floor / Slippery sign stick figures at Cost(tooMuch)Kos stores screaming..."I've fallen down and can't...."
-Helping self to Day Old doughnuts and emptying theEspresso pot at every Grocer store account you visit,
-Power Napping every hour in assigned Duty vehicle,
-Taking names, phone numbers, pictures of Cute-Only females...errr. For Official report purposes,
-Pawing through current issues of FHM, Hustler and Guns Weekly at EVERY freakin' Liquor store and Mom-n-Pop grocer on your weekend routes,
-Using Company cell phones, calling up LoveLine, Dr. Laura and Phil's AM talk shows and arguing with hosts or else spilling the beans on Latest company gossip because you know that Company owners and bosses often listen to said talk shows,
-Calling competing Security Officers via passerby cell phone and tying them up on some bogus Alarm call,
-Drag racing C street with theYoung kids on Friday nights in the Duty vehicle; alienating theImports crowd by banning them to park across the vacant street from their usual hangout, chumming with theDomestic crowds listening to HipHop music at Earthquake seismic event sound levels and championing theAngst of young Hooligans by being a general all around pain the***.
-Shrugging shoulders and sipping Wildberry TasteeFreeze as theThugs run out theLiquor store in front of you as Staff clerks hop around in Panic,
-Mooning or Tummy flashing theSecurity cams,
-IM'ing other PD / Security officers via Internet when patrolling in Wi-Fi hotspots
Reporting Officer:
-theSam!! (me!!),
-Incredibly HOT APD female officer (or AST), (no Sam, we don't need any more vids, pics of said females please, their husbands complain too much),
-Other Security Officer who's even more Incompetent than me, to Include any other SO loser from any other Security company,
-Bank Loan Officer for refusing your loan requests again because you keep putting up your assigned patrol truck as collateral,
Print & Sign:
(not in Crayon Sam!! and quit putting d:oP faces here, You making faces at theSecurity cameras is Enough)
Time & Date:
-d:oD
-Hair past a Redhead's freckles,
-dd/mm/yy, hh/mm/ss,
-closing time at: (insert fave hangout)
Follow up Action Taken: (Pick at least 4)
-Firing,
-Counseling,
-8 hour re-Orientation w/ Barney Fife security vids,
-Severe beating by hot female Company Interns,
-Taking away his Single bullet,
-Taking Away his Cape,
-Issuing him a Pink Cape,
-Taking away his Ford Ranger vehicle and giving him a Bicycle to Patrol w/,
-Guarding theDumpster out Back for a Week,
-Running theGauntlet every Payday as Company Owners, Bosses, Stockholders, Interns and fellow SO's wail away at him with all the Incident Reports generated by him from thePrevious week!!
HOW DRY I AM!!
Village Called!! (doh)
'Your' is currently on summer vacation, Hell.
Since half theTribal Leaders and Cronies left theCountry for theBig 2006 Summer Conventions in Aruba Even the Signage had to take a break.
'Your' should be back in time for school starts, gotta get theKids off to school ya' know. All 5 to 8 per household.
theVillage!!
try your own Village in the safety and comfort of your own home for only $39.99 + Shipping and Handling.
Some settling may occur during shipping but often the settling (permanent) occurs after theVillager(s) arrive in your home and disperse to various corners / rooms of your house.
YVC takes no responsibility for damage, death, dismemberment or hurt feelings from the use of any Village product though a small nominal fee is hunted down each month with Blood lust for 18yrs after any children are born.
theVillage!!
Basic skills Guides, Practice and Procedure tomes and Illustrated Textbooks are now on Sale for a Kings ransom at all UAA/F campuses, bookstores and comic book shops state wide.
You too can be a Villager,
Get your Village ON!!
theVillage!!
a simple book of Village Amusements available in E-book form is available online.
Just click and Point (and laugh) at http://alaskavillagetales.blogspot.com/
Not only can you experience theVillage for free for 30 days, which is about how long it will now take you to read all of theSam!!'s blogs and ponder the meaning of each news blurb, but you can also access the MyVillageExperience site and be whisked away to theLand of Oz and browse various Pics and see with your own eyes what Village life is like.
We guarantee a 10, a 20, even a 30lbs weight gain for you, and with a 20, 30 or even a 2.5yr age gain, your friends won't even know the difference when they look at you!!
Because, theVillage isn't available in Most stores and it isn't even available to Most Villagers (ha.. and they live there)
Do you suffer from fatigue, mental strain, dyslexia, stress and migraines??
Trust us, your problems don't stand up to theProblems found in and caused by Life in theVillage.
Get your Village ON!!
This Message
brought to you by theSam!!, who's not only the President, Founder and Author.
But he's also a Villager!!
YVC Inc (doh!!)
Moving at the speed of Village!!
YVC Inc would like to humbly apologize to the Group of Tourists that visited theYVC Inc "Village Experience" exhibit on 3rd Ave in theCity.
It seems that overnight a huge 2' block of Glacial Ice disappeared from the VE exhibit storage room and it will be at least another day until a
suitable replacement exhibit will be found.
The Glacial Ice block was a famed attraction amongst Tourists visiting Alaska not because the GI block came from the Sea.
No No noo no no no no!!
The GI Block has never ever come from the Ocean, nor has it ever come from theMountains.
It came from theVillage!!
To be more precise, it came from the House of the Villager that hates theVPSO the most!!
City police discovered a dozen Inebriates that had taken refuge in the alley behind the3rd Ave VE building and noted small pieces of melting
Ice scattered about on the ground amidst the Litter of whiskey & vodka bottles which would 'splain the GI disappearance.
YVC Inc immediately contacted theVPSO director and within hours the top 3 VPSO's of theYVC Inc region were nominating "theColdest Shoulders" from within their respective Villages.
2 Native women and 1 Native Elder will be flown to theCity for theDuration of theSummer to sit outside the VE exhibit building and let
curious Tourists and brave Alaskans--TOUCH their shoulders.
Hopefully YVC Inc won't be having any more GI blockages for Aug and Sep.
Today's yammerings is endorsed by theSam!! who vigorously promises to not only Visit theBush after he wins thePrimary, but he'll shampoo, condition, cut, color and Wax theBush if he's declared Victor after upcoming Elections.
Speaking of Bush.......theSilvers are IN!! and theReds are OUT, dying and being eaten up along theRiver banks by hungry Seagulls
"peck, peck, peck".
theSecurity Sam!!
Now Harmed and Dangerous, and even more grumpy when he gets stuck with a duty vehicle with no working music radio.
Is he grinding his teeth or just chewing on a .45 cal bullet?
And he works for us??!!!
INCIDENT REPORT
(to Provide as seamy...as Seamless report as Possible Sam, just circle the appropriate info as close as what actually happened to You or your Victims. *sigh* We know we'll definitely be hearing from Irate clients and concerned public anyway)
Account Name:
-Burgers King,
-Wendies,
-Crazyhorse 2 saloon,
-Midtown Salon & DaySpa,
-Carl jr,
-theCourtHouse,
-iHopps,
-Sylvias house of Pain,
-FlapJaxx Bistro bar & grill,
-Confidential Account Name
Note: when accessing info regarding all ConAccounts, all Security Officers must use Sight Restraint hoods and Hearing impairment devices when Approaching, Driving / Walking Through ConActs property / buildings / employee crowds.
Furthermore, all SO's must use Impaired Recording Instruments when recording any info, taking statements, interacting with people during any ConAct contact.
To cite some excellent examples of ConAct interaction (especially regarding some Native clients) we have copied and dispersed recent reports from theSam!! as he is well known for Hurrying through all ConAct interactions with theRock radio blasting, flattening speed bumps, hastily writing illegible reports while driving at top speed and besides.....
theSam!! is frugal in obtaining cheap Yet Effective Sight restraint hoods every time he uses his Food Stamp card at Carzz grocers.
All SO's are required to obtain similar SR hoods and DO NOT CUT breathing holes in them when installing them upon your cranium No Less then 1/2 mile from any ConAct account address.
theConfidentiality of our ConAct clients must be maintained!!
We won't look at their problems because quite frankly, neither do they.
Date:
-Blind,
-Mercy,
-Wingman,
-3rd Wheel,
-Needed an adult to: see Movie, get into Bar, buy cigarettes & alcohol)
-Saucy,
-"Dry" as a Village and just as big!!
Account Address:
(main streets and cross streets Sam.
Quit referencing everything in Anchorage from your Mtn View Apt, from theDowntown Bars,from any and all StripClubs, from all fast food joints and restaurants please!!)
Type of Incident:
-Patrol,
-Guard,
-Alarm Response,
-Cat stuck in Tree,
-Hot dancer stuck on Pole at theClub,
-School:
PreSchool / Kintergarten
(Activate butt-SWAT team, all Members must be Insurance & Medical updated and wear Body Armor!! to cushion you when those Single, 2 Job working Moms attack),
MiddleSchool
(confiscate all Ipods, Nanos, Ipads & MaxiPads and note style of Vans, Capris and utility cargo pants worn. Also note how high / low / or Visible a Female "whale tail" will be)
Jr & Sr High
(alert theSam!! and tell him to take his Sony Cam, if he got his Village school kids to run and behave it might work for theCity kids too,
if nothing else, tell theSam!! to take his BullHorn and talk to the volatile crowds in his Whiny Nasal tone, they'll break down in boredom then)
Note which Crowd theOffending kids are a part of; Geeks, Jocks, Preps, Losers (use this time to Recruit, recruit, recruit to work for us!!)
Be especially sensitive to Cultural differences; i.e. Three Guards responded to a school fight last month and was told to look for Tattoos and the Guards ended up detaining some pasty-White Goths when instead, they should have been looking for some Samoans/Mauri as they also-are tattood.
In fact, if any Kids you meet are Tattood, Inscribed, Fonted, Crayoned, Branded, Pierced, Poked and Prodded in theLeast just send an Officer from the Night shift as they Often have thePale, unDead Zombie look. Especially theOver Timers like theSam!! who's looking lighter recently. He got mad at some school kids cos they thought he was Nordic or German instead of Lakota.
Don't worry about Native students, they often drop out after Middle school.
College, VoTech, Beauty
(confiscate weapons; Orange sticks, hair dryers, nail files, stilettos),
Massage school
(confiscate all vibrating tools, oils)
Medical school
(confiscate all speculums, gowns and vaseline)
Remember that this type of "Other than Traditional College"student is Special and much different than the Bright, Vibrant students that know what they want to be when they grow up. theSam!! can relate to this type of Crowd so Wake him, track him down at all costs and bring him in for these C / VT / B / M school insurrections)
Incidents Continued
-Pasta & Seafood,
(if Italians involved note use of Silencers, garotte ropes and decapitated horse heads)
-thePastrami,
-theString Cheese!!,
-Competing Native Corporations employees fist fighting again; in Public, in Traffic,
-that Time of theMonth,
(note Flow; light, heavy, Cramps, bloating, overall bitchiness, access to weapons etc)
-sleep Tent raided at TentCity on 3rd;
(stash of left over pizza stolen, orange juice all dranked up and two females passed out in sleeping bag, ??)
-Career, Hopes and Dreams found Face down in theGutter,
(treat as Crime scene, Cordon / Tape off area, note witnesses, bystanders. If none of this is possible just finish your weekly dinner, generously tip the Cute barmaid, drink all your Pop and wobble all over the sidewalk with your Bike on your way home then weep in theShower)
-Accidental Gun Discharge; Suite at Providence ready and Staff standing by,
-Crashed Patrol Truck (again); RubberNecking young sweeties, DragRacing StreetRacers, Fell asleep at wheel from too much OverTime,
-Late for Work-Tire on Bicycle went flat (again),
-Banning;
Incumbent Mayoral and Governer Candidates from various Strip Malls and other Hi volume public places on Company Accounts List as Election deadlines draw near.
Remember recent training mandates Mace/OC spray for two former Govs, theBaton for the New Runners and fuzzy Cuffs & stern talking to for theHot New female Governor!!
-Patrol Room / Guard Shack Response; DayShift and NightShift are playing practical jokes on each other. Whoopie cushions inside Vehicle seats, Talcum/Baby powder inside the vehicle air vents etc ad nauseum.....
Time of Dispatch / Incident:
(as opposed to Datpatch, Furpatch, Nico-Patch, thePill Patch and CoIncident)
Time of Arrival:
(not when you got your first paycheck ever and got that crummy bike, riding it around like you owned theSidewalks... we mean,
When you Started, Instigated or *ahem*... got to theIncident)
Time of Departure:
(time you left, Fled from, Sped away from said Incident you Started, Instigated or Agitated)
Incident Data:
(be spicific as to Whom, What, When, Where and Why.....Yes Sam,
with all your Vaunted Village experience You can expound upon HOW things happened)
Action Taken:
(actions can also be Incidents as well or stem from Incidents)
-Hemming and Hawing scratching chin, flicking Lint off uniform sleeve while Complainant babbles in Spanish / Farsi / English about his stolen bicycle,
-Using Duty truck to give other Security Company employees rides to "their" work and home again (all theBig, HUGE Samoan girls)
-Narrowing down theCause of Incident "to Her raging hormone levels and the fact that she just killed a bottle of Vodka",
-Mimicking theWet Floor / Slippery sign stick figures at Cost(tooMuch)Kos stores screaming..."I've fallen down and can't...."
-Helping self to Day Old doughnuts and emptying theEspresso pot at every Grocer store account you visit,
-Power Napping every hour in assigned Duty vehicle,
-Taking names, phone numbers, pictures of Cute-Only females...errr. For Official report purposes,
-Pawing through current issues of FHM, Hustler and Guns Weekly at EVERY freakin' Liquor store and Mom-n-Pop grocer on your weekend routes,
-Using Company cell phones, calling up LoveLine, Dr. Laura and Phil's AM talk shows and arguing with hosts or else spilling the beans on Latest company gossip because you know that Company owners and bosses often listen to said talk shows,
-Calling competing Security Officers via passerby cell phone and tying them up on some bogus Alarm call,
-Drag racing C street with theYoung kids on Friday nights in the Duty vehicle; alienating theImports crowd by banning them to park across the vacant street from their usual hangout, chumming with theDomestic crowds listening to HipHop music at Earthquake seismic event sound levels and championing theAngst of young Hooligans by being a general all around pain the***.
-Shrugging shoulders and sipping Wildberry TasteeFreeze as theThugs run out theLiquor store in front of you as Staff clerks hop around in Panic,
-Mooning or Tummy flashing theSecurity cams,
-IM'ing other PD / Security officers via Internet when patrolling in Wi-Fi hotspots
Reporting Officer:
-theSam!! (me!!),
-Incredibly HOT APD female officer (or AST), (no Sam, we don't need any more vids, pics of said females please, their husbands complain too much),
-Other Security Officer who's even more Incompetent than me, to Include any other SO loser from any other Security company,
-Bank Loan Officer for refusing your loan requests again because you keep putting up your assigned patrol truck as collateral,
Print & Sign:
(not in Crayon Sam!! and quit putting d:oP faces here, You making faces at theSecurity cameras is Enough)
Time & Date:
-d:oD
-Hair past a Redhead's freckles,
-dd/mm/yy, hh/mm/ss,
-closing time at: (insert fave hangout)
Follow up Action Taken: (Pick at least 4)
-Firing,
-Counseling,
-8 hour re-Orientation w/ Barney Fife security vids,
-Severe beating by hot female Company Interns,
-Taking away his Single bullet,
-Taking Away his Cape,
-Issuing him a Pink Cape,
-Taking away his Ford Ranger vehicle and giving him a Bicycle to Patrol w/,
-Guarding theDumpster out Back for a Week,
-Running theGauntlet every Payday as Company Owners, Bosses, Stockholders, Interns and fellow SO's wail away at him with all the Incident Reports generated by him from thePrevious week!!
HOW DRY I AM!!
Village Called!! (doh)
'Your' is currently on summer vacation, Hell.
Since half theTribal Leaders and Cronies left theCountry for theBig 2006 Summer Conventions in Aruba Even the Signage had to take a break.
'Your' should be back in time for school starts, gotta get theKids off to school ya' know. All 5 to 8 per household.
theVillage!!
try your own Village in the safety and comfort of your own home for only $39.99 + Shipping and Handling.
Some settling may occur during shipping but often the settling (permanent) occurs after theVillager(s) arrive in your home and disperse to various corners / rooms of your house.
YVC takes no responsibility for damage, death, dismemberment or hurt feelings from the use of any Village product though a small nominal fee is hunted down each month with Blood lust for 18yrs after any children are born.
theVillage!!
Basic skills Guides, Practice and Procedure tomes and Illustrated Textbooks are now on Sale for a Kings ransom at all UAA/F campuses, bookstores and comic book shops state wide.
You too can be a Villager,
Get your Village ON!!
theVillage!!
a simple book of Village Amusements available in E-book form is available online.
Just click and Point (and laugh) at http://alaskavillagetales.blogspot.com/
Not only can you experience theVillage for free for 30 days, which is about how long it will now take you to read all of theSam!!'s blogs and ponder the meaning of each news blurb, but you can also access the MyVillageExperience site and be whisked away to theLand of Oz and browse various Pics and see with your own eyes what Village life is like.
We guarantee a 10, a 20, even a 30lbs weight gain for you, and with a 20, 30 or even a 2.5yr age gain, your friends won't even know the difference when they look at you!!
Because, theVillage isn't available in Most stores and it isn't even available to Most Villagers (ha.. and they live there)
Do you suffer from fatigue, mental strain, dyslexia, stress and migraines??
Trust us, your problems don't stand up to theProblems found in and caused by Life in theVillage.
Get your Village ON!!
This Message
brought to you by theSam!!, who's not only the President, Founder and Author.
But he's also a Villager!!
YVC Inc (doh!!)
Moving at the speed of Village!!
YVC Inc would like to humbly apologize to the Group of Tourists that visited theYVC Inc "Village Experience" exhibit on 3rd Ave in theCity.
It seems that overnight a huge 2' block of Glacial Ice disappeared from the VE exhibit storage room and it will be at least another day until a
suitable replacement exhibit will be found.
The Glacial Ice block was a famed attraction amongst Tourists visiting Alaska not because the GI block came from the Sea.
No No noo no no no no!!
The GI Block has never ever come from the Ocean, nor has it ever come from theMountains.
It came from theVillage!!
To be more precise, it came from the House of the Villager that hates theVPSO the most!!
City police discovered a dozen Inebriates that had taken refuge in the alley behind the3rd Ave VE building and noted small pieces of melting
Ice scattered about on the ground amidst the Litter of whiskey & vodka bottles which would 'splain the GI disappearance.
YVC Inc immediately contacted theVPSO director and within hours the top 3 VPSO's of theYVC Inc region were nominating "theColdest Shoulders" from within their respective Villages.
2 Native women and 1 Native Elder will be flown to theCity for theDuration of theSummer to sit outside the VE exhibit building and let
curious Tourists and brave Alaskans--TOUCH their shoulders.
Hopefully YVC Inc won't be having any more GI blockages for Aug and Sep.
Comments