ELECTION DAY 2006
VILLAGE On!!
This Message brought to you from theSam!!
He Cheats theOther Blog Readers and passes theSavings onto YOU!!
d:oP
YVC Inc presents
theVILLAGE!! Magazine
Subscribe today and save 60%, only 9 issues (one full year) for only $19.99
Just print this Reader card and send in today.
-Name, (Please Print)
(Note: Hugh Jass, Mick E. Mouse, Al Merffud and Oh Bee Wonn already receives spam from YVC Inc so please use your REAL name.)
-Address,
(specify your PO Box or your Blind mailer service for those of you that avoid YVC Inc at all costs!! If required, we'll even send you heavy gauge dual reinforced rubber gloves and for our Village Vixens holiday issue we'll also include Wet wipes, a CPR mask and an AED)
-City,
(Village, Hamlet, Haven or any Rock will suffice)
-State,
("Drunken" is already taken by Everyone in theVillage, a close 2nd and 3rd is by all College students and School bus drivers.
However, "Emergency", "Vegatative" and "Happy" are up for grabs.
Happy was being used by someone in MatSu Valley but now they just flat out don't give a shit anymore)
-Zip,
(sorry that speed will not be a part of your Magazine delivery as we have to grow Spruce trees a minimum of Once every 200 years to harvest them for paper and that for every generation of Village children to use as sweat shop labor only 40 years passes)
-Country,
(Due to increased competition of Inanity and banalness from Elbonia we have stopped shipping to them)
-E-mail Address:
-__Payment enclosed, __Please bill me, __Ha!! I'm not paying ever
Offer good in USA only. Canada and Mexico send $29.99 Int'l send $49.99. US fundz only
Allow 6-8 weeks for first issue
Village!! Magazine Issue Teazer
-Exploring todays Village Life.
We used only a Fishing pole w/ a Dollar bill and interviewed the First Inebriate we landed in this expose' on life inside the Bottle, life tightly wrapped around theBottle in Village Death grip, and for some; Life from behind Coke bottle bottom glasses-Just ask theSam!!
-Cutting Edge Research; Imbibing increases Villagers alertness.
The more Proof in theBottle, the more Jumpy theBootlegger becomes!
And unfortunately the more Proof in theBottle the more Jagged theEdges on the end of theBottle became during this interview.
- Starting Out; How to Succeed as your own Village.
We've seen the 3" thick Court papers and now you can too.
Step by Step Instructions for those of you who are Banned from your community.
From Obscurity to City!!, from Scoot!! to powerSuit!!
-The Bowing Technique.
Ergonomic yet evasive posture techniques for Sitting upright yet out of sight-In plain Sight! of everyone like thePolice, Roving Security Guards, Korean commercial property owners, vigilant Bus drivers.
Oddly enough this article was written by an ex Hairdresser turned Parachute Rigger turned Massage Therapist turned Nanny that turned a Nanny or two over his knee!! turned Village Public Safety Officer turned Security Officer who still thinks he's Police while being a roving Security Guard for Korean commercial property owners who seem only too happy to insist that all transients be banned & bounced from sight-who often rides theBus on his days off!!!!
??
(Don't worry, we're lost too.)
Also included in this controversial article are Passive-Aggressive techniques when confronted by Police & Security.
Grabbed by theHand? Just pretend you're Sea Weed and drift yet stay in place.
Ordered by theVoice behind theLight to get off theProperty? Just tense up your body and start shaking violently.
Paid subscribers get an additional E-book entitled "Forward Head Postures"
Subversive postures endorsed by Hoodie clad teens and "forward" thinking youth who wish not to be seen, noticed, engaged in conversation by Police, Parents, even Security.
Drive straight ahead while looking theOther way!!
Tossing your hair strategically over your face and positioning theBaby over your shoulder toNot be seen by "him" or "them".
-How Dry I Am!!
YVC Inc took a pole w/ a dollar.... wait.. wrong article.
YVC Inc took a poll and found out just how dry a Transient can really be when it rains.
(Special bonus for readers of this article, you get your own complete set of assorted tools; like screwdrivers, knives, cardboard, paper and tape to "jimmy", jam and pry the locks to allow you to B&E into the closest public building after everyone has gone home.
-Mission; Impossible II
Clean beds? Who needs 'em!! A roof overhead? So what?!
Fed up with theWhite man's Salvation and a bowl of Soup?!! Who isn't?
Ditch survival techniques for those who live life on theLam yet who eat Ham on the 1st of every month and leave piles of trash in theWoods next to pristine public parks.
Proven techniques from a real life Village Chief and his Wife who sit in theBoard room by day and squat (literally) in the grass behind theDumpster just yards from their multimillion dollar corporation high rise building in theCity.
theVillage!!
now Village priced yet King sized
theVillage!!
now available in patented "No Rub" formula.
Try not to rub theVillage Council theWrong way!!
If a son or daughter of an Official does wrong, "Don't investigate this!!", "Let it go!!", "Don't start anything with us!!"
theVillage!!
Stick and stones and closets full of bones
and labeled names to hurt me.
AS SEEN ON TV
Village Pilates!!
For only $49.99 +S&H (Credit cards only)
You too can experience theLatest Craze that's sweeping
(figuratively NOT literally, as any Villager tries to keep away from any form of honest work)
theYVC Inc (doh!!) nether region.
It's thePurest form of Reshaping those Regional-wide Hips, Buns & Thighs
Fatten your abs (9months at a time) and still look good during all 3 Trimesters.
Just ask a few Hot Village girls that were stranded in theVillage or in theCity and had toWalk everywhere!!
Mostly they had to walk to *sigh* theBars and Clubs where they worked, walk to theGrocer stores, had to walk toCampus for their GED classes and such.
Lose weight fast and keep it off permanently.
Just ask theVillage of Pimento, Alaska and listen to their story of how they gained a hefty 250 lbs almost overnight and how they struggled for over 2.5 yrs to lose the weight off their problem areas (Conscience, Village Council influence, Bootleg enterprise etc.)
"It was a hard struggle for us" touts one former Village Council Chief.
"We went from walking on Sunshine to halted gait and finally to Staggering, blind drunk and then theWeight gain began"
"theWeight was driven into theVillage by that darn VPSO Director and life for us was never theSame again.
In fact, evveery daaay is exactly the saame, theerre is no love here and therre is noo pain.
I can't remember exactly how this whole thing started, but I can tell you exactly how it will end....."
"Errr... wait.
That's a NineInchNails song isn't it?
Sorry about that", theChief smiled in chagrin.
"See what I mean!!??
Our kids are listening to that darn Rock Station "theEdge",
of course, they've been listening to all that and also living that Gangster Rap stuff they see on MTV,
It's just that we needed something else to blame our failures on and so,
we blame it on our Weight gain that we experienced years ago", theChief accused.
Using our exclusive and patented exercise regimen that is guaranteed to make your Village slimmer of any excess pounds that your VPSO Director may give to you those Village pounds will melt away and (hopefully) keep away!!!
eehh.... at least until theVPSO Director decides to send your Village another 140lbs, or 127lbs or heaven forbid!! a whopping 270lb Officer!
Angry Villagers had just lost their weight when another 135lbs deposited himself in their Midst.
"We tried ignoring this one, we even tried CryoTherapy (denying him a warm home in mid Winter) but still the weight stuck to us. Eventually we shed those pounds from theVillage."
Take a look at these Exercise video clips to see for yourself.
Meat Tenderizer
What happens after you get drunk and decide to throw rocks at theVPSO.
He chases you and catches up after 10 strides and baton strikes your back, glutes, arms and hams while you run.
Hours later you decide to attempt a squeeze out through theJail cell doors and you get caught. Once again, you get your shoulders, thighs and back ba-Toned.
Push Your Luck
Using any Wall or Immovable object you reach out your hands before you and "Push, push, push" away the pounds.
After practicing for hours you should be good enough to push against theHouse door as theOfficer attempts to get in while your buddies chugg theLast gallons in theKeg.
You should be good enough to push against theBathroom door to keep theVPSO out while your buddies snort theLast ounces of Coke or smoke up the remaining toke.
(Note; Just be sure that when time comes to actually "Push theOfficer Out". That you are on theInside where your buddies are and not on theOutside of theHouse, of theBathroom, of theBedroom. Else theOfficer will "Tenderize" you.)
Act Now
Call now and we'll include "theFighting Chance" DVD's which includes theCardioKix, theCardioBox and theCarVandal set that will virtually guarantee you a "FightingChance" in theVillage as your People struggle to be free of your oppressive Weight.
E-LECTION DAY 3--7
(alright, who's the smarty pants that goofed and typed in 3--7 instead of 2006?? You moved your hands to theRight when you typed silly)
theSam!!
-2.5yrs Village Combat experience,
-the1000 Litre Stare (over 6 Nebuchadnezzar's),
-and with all that Baby-sitting and Kid watching he's still bitter that UAA/F won't bestow an honorary ECE (early childhood educations) certificate.
theSam!!
Village Courage, Rural leadership, Native Experience
theSam!!
who wants you to understand his 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 and his 2005 Decision!!
The transcripts for the 2006 year are to be sealed for 75 yrs due to theEvent that happened in theCity involving a Float Motorcade, a local Public official riding in a Parade and theInebriate that was asleep on theGrassy Knoll outside thePublic Library after firing 3 shots-Down theHatch!!
theSam!!
Loyalties happen
theSam!!
Who sincerely wants to keep doing his job for....4 more years.
theSam!!
Willing to swerve for theRight reasons.
theSam!!
standing up to theBig Corporations..
Or at least, standing outside their Gleaming skyscraper buildings and yelling loudly till Police drag him away.
theSam!!
ready to Toast in Champagne 2006
Let's build a Campfire outside a Local stripmall and celebrate!!
theSam!!
who's Mock Market points rallied +1.3 point gains this week and closed the day with a Guffaw followed by a stifled giggle.
theSam!!
Village neighborhoods, Village class edjumacashun,
theVillage!!
a Villager in every Village AND......Pot in every Villager.
theSam!!
thePainfully obvious and theQuestioned
theSam!!
who's Stand was already took!! He just puts theTV on theApple box next to his bed for now.
theSam!!
up to theMinute live updates!!!.........
whenever he gets around to heading downtown for Internet access after working 13 to 18hrs a day 6 days a week lately. It's Over Time Baabbyyy!!
theSam!!
upgraded from crummy Ranger patrol vehicle to huge, gleaming, spacious Silverado big enough to pack 3 Villages in. Let's play softball.
theSam!!
not just what happened but, Who Cares!??
theVillage!!
(in theDistance a Raven flies, a Moose leg lies in someone's yard, a Sled dog scratches and sniffs it's behind, a white garbage bag flutters in theStiff breeze hung up in theTrees at the end of theVillage)
theSam!!
attacking anxiety and depression one stupid Villager after another.
theSam!!
who faces Death face to face each day at work.
But enough about old, OLD, Aged Officer "FatherTime" Hoss.
He scared theSam!! one night when, in a Yawning Bout after another 14hr work day, theSam!! drove theDuty truck back to theBarn and rounded theOffice Corner hand covering Yawn-opened mouth in time to see theHand of Death reaching Out!! for him.
"FatherTime" just wanted thePickup keys from theVehicle that theSam!! had used.
Keys exchanged fleshed hand to bony appendage and theSam!! sleepily staggered away as FT aka "Death" dressed in Black uniform sauntered away / floated away over theGround to the still-Warm duty vehicle, that would eventually run Ice Cold for the rest of Officer Hoss' shift.
Death rides a White Chevy!!
Enuf of this.
It's my day off and I'm going to enjoy it or something.
Later Tators!!
luvs, theSam!!
Election Day, Anchorage, nebraska
This Message brought to you from theSam!!
He Cheats theOther Blog Readers and passes theSavings onto YOU!!
d:oP
YVC Inc presents
theVILLAGE!! Magazine
Subscribe today and save 60%, only 9 issues (one full year) for only $19.99
Just print this Reader card and send in today.
-Name, (Please Print)
(Note: Hugh Jass, Mick E. Mouse, Al Merffud and Oh Bee Wonn already receives spam from YVC Inc so please use your REAL name.)
-Address,
(specify your PO Box or your Blind mailer service for those of you that avoid YVC Inc at all costs!! If required, we'll even send you heavy gauge dual reinforced rubber gloves and for our Village Vixens holiday issue we'll also include Wet wipes, a CPR mask and an AED)
-City,
(Village, Hamlet, Haven or any Rock will suffice)
-State,
("Drunken" is already taken by Everyone in theVillage, a close 2nd and 3rd is by all College students and School bus drivers.
However, "Emergency", "Vegatative" and "Happy" are up for grabs.
Happy was being used by someone in MatSu Valley but now they just flat out don't give a shit anymore)
-Zip,
(sorry that speed will not be a part of your Magazine delivery as we have to grow Spruce trees a minimum of Once every 200 years to harvest them for paper and that for every generation of Village children to use as sweat shop labor only 40 years passes)
-Country,
(Due to increased competition of Inanity and banalness from Elbonia we have stopped shipping to them)
-E-mail Address:
-__Payment enclosed, __Please bill me, __Ha!! I'm not paying ever
Offer good in USA only. Canada and Mexico send $29.99 Int'l send $49.99. US fundz only
Allow 6-8 weeks for first issue
Village!! Magazine Issue Teazer
-Exploring todays Village Life.
We used only a Fishing pole w/ a Dollar bill and interviewed the First Inebriate we landed in this expose' on life inside the Bottle, life tightly wrapped around theBottle in Village Death grip, and for some; Life from behind Coke bottle bottom glasses-Just ask theSam!!
-Cutting Edge Research; Imbibing increases Villagers alertness.
The more Proof in theBottle, the more Jumpy theBootlegger becomes!
And unfortunately the more Proof in theBottle the more Jagged theEdges on the end of theBottle became during this interview.
- Starting Out; How to Succeed as your own Village.
We've seen the 3" thick Court papers and now you can too.
Step by Step Instructions for those of you who are Banned from your community.
From Obscurity to City!!, from Scoot!! to powerSuit!!
-The Bowing Technique.
Ergonomic yet evasive posture techniques for Sitting upright yet out of sight-In plain Sight! of everyone like thePolice, Roving Security Guards, Korean commercial property owners, vigilant Bus drivers.
Oddly enough this article was written by an ex Hairdresser turned Parachute Rigger turned Massage Therapist turned Nanny that turned a Nanny or two over his knee!! turned Village Public Safety Officer turned Security Officer who still thinks he's Police while being a roving Security Guard for Korean commercial property owners who seem only too happy to insist that all transients be banned & bounced from sight-who often rides theBus on his days off!!!!
??
(Don't worry, we're lost too.)
Also included in this controversial article are Passive-Aggressive techniques when confronted by Police & Security.
Grabbed by theHand? Just pretend you're Sea Weed and drift yet stay in place.
Ordered by theVoice behind theLight to get off theProperty? Just tense up your body and start shaking violently.
Paid subscribers get an additional E-book entitled "Forward Head Postures"
Subversive postures endorsed by Hoodie clad teens and "forward" thinking youth who wish not to be seen, noticed, engaged in conversation by Police, Parents, even Security.
Drive straight ahead while looking theOther way!!
Tossing your hair strategically over your face and positioning theBaby over your shoulder toNot be seen by "him" or "them".
-How Dry I Am!!
YVC Inc took a pole w/ a dollar.... wait.. wrong article.
YVC Inc took a poll and found out just how dry a Transient can really be when it rains.
(Special bonus for readers of this article, you get your own complete set of assorted tools; like screwdrivers, knives, cardboard, paper and tape to "jimmy", jam and pry the locks to allow you to B&E into the closest public building after everyone has gone home.
-Mission; Impossible II
Clean beds? Who needs 'em!! A roof overhead? So what?!
Fed up with theWhite man's Salvation and a bowl of Soup?!! Who isn't?
Ditch survival techniques for those who live life on theLam yet who eat Ham on the 1st of every month and leave piles of trash in theWoods next to pristine public parks.
Proven techniques from a real life Village Chief and his Wife who sit in theBoard room by day and squat (literally) in the grass behind theDumpster just yards from their multimillion dollar corporation high rise building in theCity.
theVillage!!
now Village priced yet King sized
theVillage!!
now available in patented "No Rub" formula.
Try not to rub theVillage Council theWrong way!!
If a son or daughter of an Official does wrong, "Don't investigate this!!", "Let it go!!", "Don't start anything with us!!"
theVillage!!
Stick and stones and closets full of bones
and labeled names to hurt me.
AS SEEN ON TV
Village Pilates!!
For only $49.99 +S&H (Credit cards only)
You too can experience theLatest Craze that's sweeping
(figuratively NOT literally, as any Villager tries to keep away from any form of honest work)
theYVC Inc (doh!!) nether region.
It's thePurest form of Reshaping those Regional-wide Hips, Buns & Thighs
Fatten your abs (9months at a time) and still look good during all 3 Trimesters.
Just ask a few Hot Village girls that were stranded in theVillage or in theCity and had toWalk everywhere!!
Mostly they had to walk to *sigh* theBars and Clubs where they worked, walk to theGrocer stores, had to walk toCampus for their GED classes and such.
Lose weight fast and keep it off permanently.
Just ask theVillage of Pimento, Alaska and listen to their story of how they gained a hefty 250 lbs almost overnight and how they struggled for over 2.5 yrs to lose the weight off their problem areas (Conscience, Village Council influence, Bootleg enterprise etc.)
"It was a hard struggle for us" touts one former Village Council Chief.
"We went from walking on Sunshine to halted gait and finally to Staggering, blind drunk and then theWeight gain began"
"theWeight was driven into theVillage by that darn VPSO Director and life for us was never theSame again.
In fact, evveery daaay is exactly the saame, theerre is no love here and therre is noo pain.
I can't remember exactly how this whole thing started, but I can tell you exactly how it will end....."
"Errr... wait.
That's a NineInchNails song isn't it?
Sorry about that", theChief smiled in chagrin.
"See what I mean!!??
Our kids are listening to that darn Rock Station "theEdge",
of course, they've been listening to all that and also living that Gangster Rap stuff they see on MTV,
It's just that we needed something else to blame our failures on and so,
we blame it on our Weight gain that we experienced years ago", theChief accused.
Using our exclusive and patented exercise regimen that is guaranteed to make your Village slimmer of any excess pounds that your VPSO Director may give to you those Village pounds will melt away and (hopefully) keep away!!!
eehh.... at least until theVPSO Director decides to send your Village another 140lbs, or 127lbs or heaven forbid!! a whopping 270lb Officer!
Angry Villagers had just lost their weight when another 135lbs deposited himself in their Midst.
"We tried ignoring this one, we even tried CryoTherapy (denying him a warm home in mid Winter) but still the weight stuck to us. Eventually we shed those pounds from theVillage."
Take a look at these Exercise video clips to see for yourself.
Meat Tenderizer
What happens after you get drunk and decide to throw rocks at theVPSO.
He chases you and catches up after 10 strides and baton strikes your back, glutes, arms and hams while you run.
Hours later you decide to attempt a squeeze out through theJail cell doors and you get caught. Once again, you get your shoulders, thighs and back ba-Toned.
Push Your Luck
Using any Wall or Immovable object you reach out your hands before you and "Push, push, push" away the pounds.
After practicing for hours you should be good enough to push against theHouse door as theOfficer attempts to get in while your buddies chugg theLast gallons in theKeg.
You should be good enough to push against theBathroom door to keep theVPSO out while your buddies snort theLast ounces of Coke or smoke up the remaining toke.
(Note; Just be sure that when time comes to actually "Push theOfficer Out". That you are on theInside where your buddies are and not on theOutside of theHouse, of theBathroom, of theBedroom. Else theOfficer will "Tenderize" you.)
Act Now
Call now and we'll include "theFighting Chance" DVD's which includes theCardioKix, theCardioBox and theCarVandal set that will virtually guarantee you a "FightingChance" in theVillage as your People struggle to be free of your oppressive Weight.
E-LECTION DAY 3--7
(alright, who's the smarty pants that goofed and typed in 3--7 instead of 2006?? You moved your hands to theRight when you typed silly)
theSam!!
-2.5yrs Village Combat experience,
-the1000 Litre Stare (over 6 Nebuchadnezzar's),
-and with all that Baby-sitting and Kid watching he's still bitter that UAA/F won't bestow an honorary ECE (early childhood educations) certificate.
theSam!!
Village Courage, Rural leadership, Native Experience
theSam!!
who wants you to understand his 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 and his 2005 Decision!!
The transcripts for the 2006 year are to be sealed for 75 yrs due to theEvent that happened in theCity involving a Float Motorcade, a local Public official riding in a Parade and theInebriate that was asleep on theGrassy Knoll outside thePublic Library after firing 3 shots-Down theHatch!!
theSam!!
Loyalties happen
theSam!!
Who sincerely wants to keep doing his job for....4 more years.
theSam!!
Willing to swerve for theRight reasons.
theSam!!
standing up to theBig Corporations..
Or at least, standing outside their Gleaming skyscraper buildings and yelling loudly till Police drag him away.
theSam!!
ready to Toast in Champagne 2006
Let's build a Campfire outside a Local stripmall and celebrate!!
theSam!!
who's Mock Market points rallied +1.3 point gains this week and closed the day with a Guffaw followed by a stifled giggle.
theSam!!
Village neighborhoods, Village class edjumacashun,
theVillage!!
a Villager in every Village AND......Pot in every Villager.
theSam!!
thePainfully obvious and theQuestioned
theSam!!
who's Stand was already took!! He just puts theTV on theApple box next to his bed for now.
theSam!!
up to theMinute live updates!!!.........
whenever he gets around to heading downtown for Internet access after working 13 to 18hrs a day 6 days a week lately. It's Over Time Baabbyyy!!
theSam!!
upgraded from crummy Ranger patrol vehicle to huge, gleaming, spacious Silverado big enough to pack 3 Villages in. Let's play softball.
theSam!!
not just what happened but, Who Cares!??
theVillage!!
(in theDistance a Raven flies, a Moose leg lies in someone's yard, a Sled dog scratches and sniffs it's behind, a white garbage bag flutters in theStiff breeze hung up in theTrees at the end of theVillage)
theSam!!
attacking anxiety and depression one stupid Villager after another.
theSam!!
who faces Death face to face each day at work.
But enough about old, OLD, Aged Officer "FatherTime" Hoss.
He scared theSam!! one night when, in a Yawning Bout after another 14hr work day, theSam!! drove theDuty truck back to theBarn and rounded theOffice Corner hand covering Yawn-opened mouth in time to see theHand of Death reaching Out!! for him.
"FatherTime" just wanted thePickup keys from theVehicle that theSam!! had used.
Keys exchanged fleshed hand to bony appendage and theSam!! sleepily staggered away as FT aka "Death" dressed in Black uniform sauntered away / floated away over theGround to the still-Warm duty vehicle, that would eventually run Ice Cold for the rest of Officer Hoss' shift.
Death rides a White Chevy!!
Enuf of this.
It's my day off and I'm going to enjoy it or something.
Later Tators!!
luvs, theSam!!
Election Day, Anchorage, nebraska
Comments