the Man In the Suit Case
theMan In The Suit Case
But first this Important Message from theSam!!
-Because He Said So!!
Hello everyone, I’m theSam!! and may I have the envelope please?!
Thank you. Oh... could I borrow some ones tongue too?!
Those postage stamps taste worse than my own cooking.
This Message brought to you by theSam!!
theOnly 2007 Superbowl coverage he’ll see this Sunday will be his hand over his Chicken Noodle at theShelters for his weekly meal.
Darn Trans (transients) and Nebes!! (Inebriates). They’ll eat anything in a flash.
Blink and your food is gone!!
theSam!!
who’s only Style and Taste now appear to be a quick run through theCombOver and a spoon of Cream cheese in theMouth at lunch time!!
After sending a lost Traveler to theBarista stand for a misplaced Cellphone theDoubleShift!! took all of his next appointed days off from Security work and zznooozed!!
theSam!!
Not just for Insomniacs and Entertainment anymore!! Now he’s gone Global, almost literally.
After theGroundsCrew talked him into helping out fill theLAJ / japanAirlines cargo jets and locking him in theMiddle cargo hold.
Anchorage thought that they were rid of theRunwaySuperModel himself once and for all,
but as theCraft lumbered away a sharp eyed officer saw a frightened shadow scamper into theWoodline across the airfield.
2 hours later, after coaxing him out of hiding with a plate of Spaghetti from theFoodCourt,
theSecurity!! was taken into Custody without incident and delivered back to his handlers,
i.e. theHuge HumanResources Gal that hired him and theReceptionist/WardRobe that dressed him upon theOrientationDay.
theEmployed!! remembers it like it was 4 months ago.
theDNA samples spurted upon heaving...... um.. provided.
theFingerPrinting upon theGlass spectrum plates that were directly linked to theFBI!!
theBody Patdown searches and even bringing in theDrug detection company K-9!! and finally theCastingCouch tryouts.
*sigh*
theSam!!
adding business to theVillage and a little Village to his Business!!
theSam!!
theMan who started it all.
After his Blog became a Blogs blog of a blog that blogged a bliggedy blaggedy blog, and became self aware on Feb 2005.
In a panic theVillagers!! tried to pull thePlug, theBlog struck back...
Sorry, just watching ‘Terminator’ right now. See how much thought I put into this Blog?
theSam!!
protecting Nebraskan’s for theLast 39 yrs!! by not living there,
but instead, living in South Dakota, North Dakota
(and they haven’t forgotten about that either!),
Kansas, Oklahoma (where as recent Floridians now know, theWind indeed DOES come sweeping-down thePlain),
California, Utah, Idaho, WA state....
theNomad has been everywhere!!
theSam!!
whom still hasn’t ever and never will Ever, relinquish his title of MissAmerica!!
the bootlegged videos sold at the Movie stores that is.....(hee hee hee)
after theVCR player bit theDust, theSam!! went to his Club and carried a new VCR & DVD Player combo aaalll theWay home on theBus!!
And now that AnnaNicole is kaput........
Much like theOfficer’s Public Safety Career, guess there’s absolutely no sense (as if I had any!!) in returning theHitMovies
SkyScraper!! and ToTheLimit!! now is there?!
Didn’t think so.
theSam!!
careful to not even appear to HINT at giving in to theNeed to be Thin!!
After all, look at what happened to his favorite hopped up Model / Actress / Slurring Product Spokeswoman.
and unlike his Village full of young sweet hotties, he can saunter down theIce covered Village streets empty handed and return from theGeneral Store arms full of food and never drop a thing even after falling down...........
several times!!
theSam!!
wanting to know which other Village in theYVC Inc (doh!!) region will give us theNextSuperOfficer.
After all, if theState can give theProbation!! not 3, not 4 but at least 6 parolees to watch at once then obviously theOverTime!! must be someone Important huh?!
Time to iron theUniform shirts with extra Niagra starch spray, errr. for theStiffness!!
And time to clean off theDuty!! boots, with a swift kick against theDoor jam, thePatrolVehicle tires or theClosest most prostrate combative prisoner.
And like theVillageCouncil leaders, start looking down theLakotaSchnozz!! at every other Officer in uniform for not
being so busy in theVillage!!
LOL, I joke.
I was never stuck up, was never an Uppity Indian!! like some Village Divas ever!!
theSam!! faces theDNA question and theMaternity test that just won’t go away!!
theLife of a SuperOfficer is ho-hum sometimes but after being hounded relentlessly by theVillageChixxx!! and Vixens
alike for years,
Prompting him into leaving his comfort zone of theVillage!! to experience a Jaunt in theCity sans Prisoners in tow was a bit unnerving for theFelony!! himself.
No more Entourage of drooling, unkempt prisoners in cuffs, protesting Relatives in caravan and even more friends and neighbors waiting at destination all squawking like magpies at theGrave Injustice done to their next of kin.
But his strut down theAirport Runway went without a hitch and even though theTraveler himself did take a wrong turn at theMini Tug farm and entered theWrong Terminal door, finding himself in theBowels of theAirport Baggage claim.
At least theSamsonite!! was happy that he had located his lost luggage-that disappeared over 20 yrs ago in OK?
But that was an green Army duffle bag with theBoys!! name and address painted on theSide!!
And this one bag was lost at an GreyHound Bus Depot at that!!
theSam!!
theEasy, Cheesy, Sleezy Covered-Boy!!
Maybe he’s born with it! Maybe he just sleeps with it.
Maybe he’s Envy Green!!
theSam!!
Ooops........ did he do It again!?
Although he’s thought much, and that’s Stretching his mental processessess sss ssss zzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz a bit,
theManedOne has decided to keep theShaggyDoo for another year.
There was a time way back in theVillage!! when theSafety himself was shorn of locks completely.
Standing quietly in theLodge Littleboy’s room with Wahl Peanut clipper in Hand and wondering if theMohawk look was a bit over theTop.
theSam!!
heating Village homes and angering Village hearts!!
If you don’t believe me, just watch sometime as he loads up 6 Fifty-gallon barrels into theDuty pickup truck and after he fills up theDrums!! with heatingOil, see which Village house that he goes to first!!
Will it be the first house on theFar back street or the lil shack at theCross streets next to theRec Center?!
Chances are, it will be a first stop at the most recent home that Fed him dinner!! Even if they never ordered any heating oil to begin with.
theHungryMan is just glad to have sustenance until his paychecks from YVC Inc (doh!!) bounce back to him and his needful Village hunnies.
Attack of theSlogans!!
Yes I know that more input from Anchorage, or even Statewide locals was needed to move us forward with a newer moniker for our jeweled City by theSea.
But like an Officer just moved to theVillage!!, you hate him / her at first, but then you warm up to them and after awhile you just quietly feign acceptance.
*I’m feigning here*
and I like the new slogan for Anchorage. BIG, WILD, LIFE
Granted, ol Seymour Moose and his rented Tuxedo jaunted into our hearts with theOldSlogan, “Wild About Anchorage!!”
But like all things new, they get old and something new must come along.
Here’s a few words from theSam!! about his New Humble Abode that is Anchorage. And in keeping with the rules of the New Slogan for our City, theWriter!? tried to keep things to 3 words at least.
And remember people. These are slogans that are meant to SELL our great America...... our great Multi culturally enhanced City to the rest of the world.
These are words that could someday be printed up on T-shirts, bumper stickers and coffee mugs around theState of Alaska and even elsewhere too.
these various words should just roll off theTongue and inspire generations to come.
these words should conjure up Images of certain flair and pizzazz!!!
Or at the very least, Hair in your Pizza.
Like, Lobster from Maine!!
Corn from Nebraska!!
Florida and Old people,
Floridas car rental industry and dead tourists and finally...
Florida and it’s recent wind storms etc.
So without further ado about absolutely Nothing!!!
Anchorage!!
Big. Wild. Life!!
Anchorage: Made a Difference
(Shoulda tried Harder)
(shoulda gone South!!)
(instead stayed here)
(please help me)
Anchorage: That Certain Stagger
(around the City)
(around Holding cell)
(argue with sign)
(argue with Reflection)
(argue with bush)
(pee on Officer)
(get arrested again)
(yes your honor)
(hi probation officer!!)
(it’s me again)
Anchorage: Call the Police!!
(I’ve been Shot!!)
(someone help me)
(get them out)
(of my house)
(not my problem)
(I’m not testifying)
(what blood, where?!)
(you’re kidding me)
(stop interviewing me!!)
(no habla engles)
(ICE, Immigration?! Papers?!)
(There I Was......)
Anchorage: Gov Sarah Palin
(Move theCapital please!!)
(we love you)
(murky is Out!!)
(so Damn Hot!!)
(who else is!?
(sell the Jet)
(Gov, Lead Us!!)
(2nd, 3rd Term!!)
Anchorage: Where’s My Kids?
(On the Internet)
(McLaughlin Youth Facility!!)
(In Police custody)
(unsupervised, surly, delinquent)
Anchorage: Ask any Girl!!
(what’s your rate?!)
(Spenard, Fairview, Mtn View)
(howld Are You!!)
Anchorage: Over the Top!!
(Under the Table)
(shirtless, pantsless, unconscious)
(What a Night!!)
(who are you?!)
Anchorage: International, National, Village!!
(intentional, unIntentional UnIntelligible)
Anchorage: Get Taken In!!
(Panhandler scamming people)
(got fooled again)
(take my money!!)
(take my Obsession)
(don’t need that..)
oopps. Sorry, let me change my CD music for a moment.
Where was I? Oh yeah...
More Anchorage Slogans.
Anchorage: Found face down
(Midtown, Dimond, Muldoon)
(bleed for me!!)
(I’ll pray Foryou)
(embrace me now)
(I’ll seeyoo through)
(Dig a hole)
(bow your head)
Oops.. sorry everyone. My bad.
Just listening to Black Label Society.....I’ll turn it down.
Next CD up is Judas Priest.
Anchorage: Where Am I?!
(who are you?!)
(I’m gooey inside)
(get off Me!!)
(help...Help Police!!)
(watch local news)
(lookee here Mom)
(on front page)
umm anyways...
Anchorage: It’s the End!!
(of theCivilized world as we know it, It’s your last chance to see us all you Tourists!!)
(to the Hills!!)
(for your Lives!!)
(grab the groceries)
Anchorage: It’s the Food!!
(so very expensive)
(Suppliers Say SHIPPING!!)
(could be better)
(Eat At Humpy’s!!)
(Apron Clad Waitresses)
(and nothing else!!)
(Come Get Crabs!!)
Anchorage: It’s our Fault
(no it’s not!!)
(yes it is!!)
(that Damn Denali!!!)
(oh I forgot)
(you’re rightcha know)
(that Earth quake)
(felt around world!!)
Anchorage: It’s the Clothes!
(or lack thereof)
(Dancers Wear None)
(Oggle Oggle Oggle!!)
(real genuine Fur!!)
Anchorage: It’s the Natives!
(Restless and Wild)
(4th and Drunk)
(I’m One Too!!)
(that Hate You!!)
(They don’t Care)
(neither do I!!)
(neither should you)
(who will survive!!)
(Run tourist RUN!!)
Anchorage: It’s Our Streets
(that Break backs!!)
(that need fixing)
(where Money goes)
(where Nebes Sleep)
(where Juvies chill)
(that Sam!! walks)
(and rides bike!!)
Anchorage: It’s our Strippers!!
(that need you)
(and none else!!)
(Crazy horse two!!)
(Tops Bottoms Heels!!)
(Hooters, booters, dysfunctional)
Anchorage: It’s our Soul
(that we’ve sold)
(at the CrossRoads)
(that You’ll feel)
(you’ll take home)
(including our girls!!)
(and..... something Else!!)
Anchorage: There I stood.....
(alone In Jail)
(just not Whole)
(You’ve been caught!!)
(before the Judge)
(before the Jury)
(guilty as Charged)
(You’ll get 99)
(I’m in trouble)
(again at WalMart)
(inline at Costcos)
(hands held high)
(before Bank teller)
(paycheck in Hand)
(pants around ankles)
(at doctors office)
(at Burger Kings!!)
(in employment line!!)
(looking for work)
(in Unemployment line)
(waiting for Bus)
(sipping Vanilla steamer)
(cookie in Hand!!)
Anchorage: Still Gotta Hold.....
(18 yrs later)
(on my Heart)
(on my pee)
(cos it hurts)
(for Customer service)
(hang up now!!)
(out on Love)
(out on Marriage)
(around wifes neck)
(fists are clenching)
(around wifes arms)
(on Wifes Bra!!)
(on Officers shirt)
(on my face)
(mace really hurts)
Anchorage: You Only Wanna....
(Catch the Fish!!)
(get really tanked)
(really move here)
(move to Hawaii)
(move to Mexico)
(it’s only fair)
(THEY moved here!!)
(call a Cab!!)
(get out Now!!)
(buy Plane tickets)
(order some Pizza)
(order Chinese food)
Sorry everyone. I’m just hungry.
So anyways..... on with theMadness!!
Anchorage: Don’t tell me......
(who you are)
(your name, Ever!)
(you’re a Man!!)
(my fly’s undone)
(where you live)
(you work undercover?)
(I’m under arrest!!)
(You love me)
(Another Texas Joke)
(Another eskimo joke)
(Sam lives here!!)
(I’m not Asking!!)
Anchorage: So Very very...
(hot, young , sweet)
(much to sexy)
(for this Blog!!)
(blah blah blah!!)
Anchorage: Suck it up!!
(the Beer Gut!!)
(get out, Exercise!!)
(I meant YOU!!)
Anchorage: Apologize to Us!!
(Kiss Our Ass!!)
(now!! you worm!!)
(on your knees!!)
(kiss the Boot!!)
(smell the Glove)
(call me Daddy!!)
(fetch my slippers)
(make a sandwich)
Anchorage: Where Are You!?
(here we are!!)
(I’m over here)
(passed out there)
(stuck in traffic)
(got pulled over)
(walking on Seward)
(double shifts again)
Anchorage: Just Getting started!!
(barely warmed up)
(I’m almost there)
(no sweetheart, no)
(I’m not done!!)
(wait, Hold On!!)
(no, don’t go!!)
(I’ll Pay You!!)
(you’re under Age?!)
(that’s Your Dad!?)
(oh my god!!)
(career goes My!!)
Anchorage: Please stop now!!
(cease and Desist!!)
(cut it out!!)
(I mean it)
(your last warning)
(Click clack. Bang!!)
(heh heh heh)
Anchorage: Certain conditions apply
(but not Forus!!)
(neener Neener NEENER!!)
Anchorage: Be the Next!!
(to get Arrested)
(broke down Tourist)
(disIllusioned Cannery worker)
(to sit at)
(Library All Daay)
(disEnchanted Public Safety!!)
(to Get Runout!!)
(of the Village!!)
(On a Pole)
(washed Up again)
(On 3rd Street)
(eat at Shelter)
(sleep under stars)
(Sigh.....doh well!!!)
Anchorage: Be the Next!!
(wait, there’s More!!)
(Touristo get Fleeced!!)
(Bush Village Survivor!!)
(Refugee from Village!!)
(Last Tourist Spending)
(last Tourist Crawling)
(out of Bar)
(Back to hotel)
(down the Alley)
Anchorage: This time The.....
(Breasts Are Real!!)
(Wife stays home)
(wife’s / Hubby’s at work)
(kids in Daycare)
(Smiles are Fake)
(English is Understandable)
(Peeps have spoken!!)
Anchorage: Trying to Find
(my way home)
(after the Party)
(where’s my pants?!)
(where’s my car?)
(my butt hurts)
(my head hurts)
(Self, Happiness, Niche)
Anchorage: Look, There’s An....
(bear in trash)
(moose in garden)
(really sober driver!!)
(no smoking sign)
(english speaking Cabbie!!)
(goofy Security Officer!!)
(Active Construction Worker!!)
(Pothole on Arctic)
Anchorage: Worth the Trip!!
(like Dunkin’ donuts!!)
(but not theTrouble)
(worth the Effort)
(Right to Jail!!)
(see us again!!)
(Spenard After Dark)
(age limit, 16)
(36th Still Out!!)
(To the Valley!!)
(Inhale real deeply)
Anchorage: Break the Rules!!
(and get arrested)
(or bend them!!)
Anchorage: Where is Everyone!?
(definitely not here)
(Home I guess)
(watching super bowl)
(at the Bars)
And Finally, Some Also Ran’s as well.
Anchorage: Global Cross roads
(Gerbils, Moss, Toads!!)
(What the Hell!?)
Anchorage: Speaks to me!!
(police bull horn)
(public address system)
(hands up now!!)
(walk backwards slowly!!)
(on your knees)
(Now Sam!!, now)
(on your face)
(hands behind back)
(hand over check)
(empty your pockets)
(it’s the girlfriend)
(she’s a cop)
(and mother Inlaw)
(my Probation Officer)
Anchorage: Calls To You!!
(just don’t answer)
(It’ll reverse charges)
(and Slam You!!)
Anchorage: On the Edge!!
(of the Knife)
(bloody, wet knife)
(In, out, IN)
(Quick, Wash, Dry!!)
(Act all surprised!!)
(who, Me!? officer...)
(boo hoo hooo!!)
(I was sleeping...)
(oh he’s dead!!)
(Boo hoo hoo!)
(haa haa haa)
(What finger prints!??)
(Witnessess, who?!, Where?!)
(Shoulda closed curtains!!)
(damn it all!!)
Anchorage: See You Soon!!
(but Hopefully not)
(may be later!??)
(Hopefully never again)
(Don’t call us!)
(take our advice)
Anchorage: Above and Beyond!!
(*guffaw*, Yeah right....)
(love Big Blondes!!?) theSam!! likes that one.
Anchorage: Go Farther North!!!
(or Go South)
(wait, right there!!)
(oh.. oh yeah..)
(is this On!??)
(oh my.. oops!!)
(my cell phone)
(hello, hello?! Mama!?)
(who's with me?!!)
(no one, honest)
(who?!, You’re breaking up!!)
(I’m watching .. television!!)
(he’s not In.....)
(please leave message)
(after the Beep!)
Anchorage: Just For You
(And 10M Tourists)
(and Oil companies)
(and still waiting!!)
(and none Other!!)
(Happy Valentines Day!!)
(oh.. Flowers again!!?)
(You cheap bastard.)
(I’m sicko this)
Anchorage: Top to bottom!!
(couldn’t find it)
*shrugs* I didn’t get that one either, it just came to me.
(Settling may occur)
(like Village chixxx!!)
(into your Life)
(into your pockets)
(into your room!!)
(I’m getting depressed)
(thinking of this)
(and moving on!!)
Anchorage: Worth Talking About!!
(to your kids!!)
(to your friends)
(on the Phone)
(or via Email)
(of your visit)
(to our State)
(of Being robbed)
(being laughed at)
(not living here)
(Pasty white people)
(even the Natives!!)
(of being duped)
(of being cheated)
(Cabbies spek farsi)
(no englesi spoken)
(all luggage lost)
(airline lost Kids!!)
(shoulda lost Wife!!)
(those snobby waiters)
(the expensive food)
(Some stupid Security!!)
(jerk named Sam!!)
(nice guy though)
(some stupid glacier!!)
(dinky little mountains)
(long ass drive!!)
(wow!!! Huge Mosquitos)
(Bus hit Moose)
(really Dead Driver)
(Ungulate in Pieces)
(Japanese Took photos)
(Alaskan Princess driver)
(gorgeous gal though)
(Oh so hot)
(Talky, chipper, Annoying)
(now still, silent)
(her blood everywhere)
(men took Liberties)
(what the Hey!!)
(she’s dead anyway!!!)
(she didn’t care!!)
(hers were Real!!)
(oh so Soft)
(getting real cold)
(Lodge sent help)
(medevac’d the Driver)
(she was unconscious!!)
(oh my god......)
(getting out of here)
(heading to Village!!)
(changing my name...)
*ahem...*
Anchorage: Your Attention Please
This now OVER!!
Back to your
BIG WILD LIFE!!
d:oP
The Man In The Suit Case
o crumbs, and I stayed up all night till 0400 writing too and forgot to Save to this disc.
It was another village tale, I'll post this anyway.
And will include MiSC later.
But first this Important Message from theSam!!
-Because He Said So!!
Hello everyone, I’m theSam!! and may I have the envelope please?!
Thank you. Oh... could I borrow some ones tongue too?!
Those postage stamps taste worse than my own cooking.
This Message brought to you by theSam!!
theOnly 2007 Superbowl coverage he’ll see this Sunday will be his hand over his Chicken Noodle at theShelters for his weekly meal.
Darn Trans (transients) and Nebes!! (Inebriates). They’ll eat anything in a flash.
Blink and your food is gone!!
theSam!!
who’s only Style and Taste now appear to be a quick run through theCombOver and a spoon of Cream cheese in theMouth at lunch time!!
After sending a lost Traveler to theBarista stand for a misplaced Cellphone theDoubleShift!! took all of his next appointed days off from Security work and zznooozed!!
theSam!!
Not just for Insomniacs and Entertainment anymore!! Now he’s gone Global, almost literally.
After theGroundsCrew talked him into helping out fill theLAJ / japanAirlines cargo jets and locking him in theMiddle cargo hold.
Anchorage thought that they were rid of theRunwaySuperModel himself once and for all,
but as theCraft lumbered away a sharp eyed officer saw a frightened shadow scamper into theWoodline across the airfield.
2 hours later, after coaxing him out of hiding with a plate of Spaghetti from theFoodCourt,
theSecurity!! was taken into Custody without incident and delivered back to his handlers,
i.e. theHuge HumanResources Gal that hired him and theReceptionist/WardRobe that dressed him upon theOrientationDay.
theEmployed!! remembers it like it was 4 months ago.
theDNA samples spurted upon heaving...... um.. provided.
theFingerPrinting upon theGlass spectrum plates that were directly linked to theFBI!!
theBody Patdown searches and even bringing in theDrug detection company K-9!! and finally theCastingCouch tryouts.
*sigh*
theSam!!
adding business to theVillage and a little Village to his Business!!
theSam!!
theMan who started it all.
After his Blog became a Blogs blog of a blog that blogged a bliggedy blaggedy blog, and became self aware on Feb 2005.
In a panic theVillagers!! tried to pull thePlug, theBlog struck back...
Sorry, just watching ‘Terminator’ right now. See how much thought I put into this Blog?
theSam!!
protecting Nebraskan’s for theLast 39 yrs!! by not living there,
but instead, living in South Dakota, North Dakota
(and they haven’t forgotten about that either!),
Kansas, Oklahoma (where as recent Floridians now know, theWind indeed DOES come sweeping-down thePlain),
California, Utah, Idaho, WA state....
theNomad has been everywhere!!
theSam!!
whom still hasn’t ever and never will Ever, relinquish his title of MissAmerica!!
the bootlegged videos sold at the Movie stores that is.....(hee hee hee)
after theVCR player bit theDust, theSam!! went to his Club and carried a new VCR & DVD Player combo aaalll theWay home on theBus!!
And now that AnnaNicole is kaput........
Much like theOfficer’s Public Safety Career, guess there’s absolutely no sense (as if I had any!!) in returning theHitMovies
SkyScraper!! and ToTheLimit!! now is there?!
Didn’t think so.
theSam!!
careful to not even appear to HINT at giving in to theNeed to be Thin!!
After all, look at what happened to his favorite hopped up Model / Actress / Slurring Product Spokeswoman.
and unlike his Village full of young sweet hotties, he can saunter down theIce covered Village streets empty handed and return from theGeneral Store arms full of food and never drop a thing even after falling down...........
several times!!
theSam!!
wanting to know which other Village in theYVC Inc (doh!!) region will give us theNextSuperOfficer.
After all, if theState can give theProbation!! not 3, not 4 but at least 6 parolees to watch at once then obviously theOverTime!! must be someone Important huh?!
Time to iron theUniform shirts with extra Niagra starch spray, errr. for theStiffness!!
And time to clean off theDuty!! boots, with a swift kick against theDoor jam, thePatrolVehicle tires or theClosest most prostrate combative prisoner.
And like theVillageCouncil leaders, start looking down theLakotaSchnozz!! at every other Officer in uniform for not
being so busy in theVillage!!
LOL, I joke.
I was never stuck up, was never an Uppity Indian!! like some Village Divas ever!!
theSam!! faces theDNA question and theMaternity test that just won’t go away!!
theLife of a SuperOfficer is ho-hum sometimes but after being hounded relentlessly by theVillageChixxx!! and Vixens
alike for years,
Prompting him into leaving his comfort zone of theVillage!! to experience a Jaunt in theCity sans Prisoners in tow was a bit unnerving for theFelony!! himself.
No more Entourage of drooling, unkempt prisoners in cuffs, protesting Relatives in caravan and even more friends and neighbors waiting at destination all squawking like magpies at theGrave Injustice done to their next of kin.
But his strut down theAirport Runway went without a hitch and even though theTraveler himself did take a wrong turn at theMini Tug farm and entered theWrong Terminal door, finding himself in theBowels of theAirport Baggage claim.
At least theSamsonite!! was happy that he had located his lost luggage-that disappeared over 20 yrs ago in OK?
But that was an green Army duffle bag with theBoys!! name and address painted on theSide!!
And this one bag was lost at an GreyHound Bus Depot at that!!
theSam!!
theEasy, Cheesy, Sleezy Covered-Boy!!
Maybe he’s born with it! Maybe he just sleeps with it.
Maybe he’s Envy Green!!
theSam!!
Ooops........ did he do It again!?
Although he’s thought much, and that’s Stretching his mental processessess sss ssss zzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz a bit,
theManedOne has decided to keep theShaggyDoo for another year.
There was a time way back in theVillage!! when theSafety himself was shorn of locks completely.
Standing quietly in theLodge Littleboy’s room with Wahl Peanut clipper in Hand and wondering if theMohawk look was a bit over theTop.
theSam!!
heating Village homes and angering Village hearts!!
If you don’t believe me, just watch sometime as he loads up 6 Fifty-gallon barrels into theDuty pickup truck and after he fills up theDrums!! with heatingOil, see which Village house that he goes to first!!
Will it be the first house on theFar back street or the lil shack at theCross streets next to theRec Center?!
Chances are, it will be a first stop at the most recent home that Fed him dinner!! Even if they never ordered any heating oil to begin with.
theHungryMan is just glad to have sustenance until his paychecks from YVC Inc (doh!!) bounce back to him and his needful Village hunnies.
Attack of theSlogans!!
Yes I know that more input from Anchorage, or even Statewide locals was needed to move us forward with a newer moniker for our jeweled City by theSea.
But like an Officer just moved to theVillage!!, you hate him / her at first, but then you warm up to them and after awhile you just quietly feign acceptance.
*I’m feigning here*
and I like the new slogan for Anchorage. BIG, WILD, LIFE
Granted, ol Seymour Moose and his rented Tuxedo jaunted into our hearts with theOldSlogan, “Wild About Anchorage!!”
But like all things new, they get old and something new must come along.
Here’s a few words from theSam!! about his New Humble Abode that is Anchorage. And in keeping with the rules of the New Slogan for our City, theWriter!? tried to keep things to 3 words at least.
And remember people. These are slogans that are meant to SELL our great America...... our great Multi culturally enhanced City to the rest of the world.
These are words that could someday be printed up on T-shirts, bumper stickers and coffee mugs around theState of Alaska and even elsewhere too.
these various words should just roll off theTongue and inspire generations to come.
these words should conjure up Images of certain flair and pizzazz!!!
Or at the very least, Hair in your Pizza.
Like, Lobster from Maine!!
Corn from Nebraska!!
Florida and Old people,
Floridas car rental industry and dead tourists and finally...
Florida and it’s recent wind storms etc.
So without further ado about absolutely Nothing!!!
Anchorage!!
Big. Wild. Life!!
Anchorage: Made a Difference
(Shoulda tried Harder)
(shoulda gone South!!)
(instead stayed here)
(please help me)
Anchorage: That Certain Stagger
(around the City)
(around Holding cell)
(argue with sign)
(argue with Reflection)
(argue with bush)
(pee on Officer)
(get arrested again)
(yes your honor)
(hi probation officer!!)
(it’s me again)
Anchorage: Call the Police!!
(I’ve been Shot!!)
(someone help me)
(get them out)
(of my house)
(not my problem)
(I’m not testifying)
(what blood, where?!)
(you’re kidding me)
(stop interviewing me!!)
(no habla engles)
(ICE, Immigration?! Papers?!)
(There I Was......)
Anchorage: Gov Sarah Palin
(Move theCapital please!!)
(we love you)
(murky is Out!!)
(so Damn Hot!!)
(who else is!?
(sell the Jet)
(Gov, Lead Us!!)
(2nd, 3rd Term!!)
Anchorage: Where’s My Kids?
(On the Internet)
(McLaughlin Youth Facility!!)
(In Police custody)
(unsupervised, surly, delinquent)
Anchorage: Ask any Girl!!
(what’s your rate?!)
(Spenard, Fairview, Mtn View)
(howld Are You!!)
Anchorage: Over the Top!!
(Under the Table)
(shirtless, pantsless, unconscious)
(What a Night!!)
(who are you?!)
Anchorage: International, National, Village!!
(intentional, unIntentional UnIntelligible)
Anchorage: Get Taken In!!
(Panhandler scamming people)
(got fooled again)
(take my money!!)
(take my Obsession)
(don’t need that..)
oopps. Sorry, let me change my CD music for a moment.
Where was I? Oh yeah...
More Anchorage Slogans.
Anchorage: Found face down
(Midtown, Dimond, Muldoon)
(bleed for me!!)
(I’ll pray Foryou)
(embrace me now)
(I’ll seeyoo through)
(Dig a hole)
(bow your head)
Oops.. sorry everyone. My bad.
Just listening to Black Label Society.....I’ll turn it down.
Next CD up is Judas Priest.
Anchorage: Where Am I?!
(who are you?!)
(I’m gooey inside)
(get off Me!!)
(help...Help Police!!)
(watch local news)
(lookee here Mom)
(on front page)
umm anyways...
Anchorage: It’s the End!!
(of theCivilized world as we know it, It’s your last chance to see us all you Tourists!!)
(to the Hills!!)
(for your Lives!!)
(grab the groceries)
Anchorage: It’s the Food!!
(so very expensive)
(Suppliers Say SHIPPING!!)
(could be better)
(Eat At Humpy’s!!)
(Apron Clad Waitresses)
(and nothing else!!)
(Come Get Crabs!!)
Anchorage: It’s our Fault
(no it’s not!!)
(yes it is!!)
(that Damn Denali!!!)
(oh I forgot)
(you’re rightcha know)
(that Earth quake)
(felt around world!!)
Anchorage: It’s the Clothes!
(or lack thereof)
(Dancers Wear None)
(Oggle Oggle Oggle!!)
(real genuine Fur!!)
Anchorage: It’s the Natives!
(Restless and Wild)
(4th and Drunk)
(I’m One Too!!)
(that Hate You!!)
(They don’t Care)
(neither do I!!)
(neither should you)
(who will survive!!)
(Run tourist RUN!!)
Anchorage: It’s Our Streets
(that Break backs!!)
(that need fixing)
(where Money goes)
(where Nebes Sleep)
(where Juvies chill)
(that Sam!! walks)
(and rides bike!!)
Anchorage: It’s our Strippers!!
(that need you)
(and none else!!)
(Crazy horse two!!)
(Tops Bottoms Heels!!)
(Hooters, booters, dysfunctional)
Anchorage: It’s our Soul
(that we’ve sold)
(at the CrossRoads)
(that You’ll feel)
(you’ll take home)
(including our girls!!)
(and..... something Else!!)
Anchorage: There I stood.....
(alone In Jail)
(just not Whole)
(You’ve been caught!!)
(before the Judge)
(before the Jury)
(guilty as Charged)
(You’ll get 99)
(I’m in trouble)
(again at WalMart)
(inline at Costcos)
(hands held high)
(before Bank teller)
(paycheck in Hand)
(pants around ankles)
(at doctors office)
(at Burger Kings!!)
(in employment line!!)
(looking for work)
(in Unemployment line)
(waiting for Bus)
(sipping Vanilla steamer)
(cookie in Hand!!)
Anchorage: Still Gotta Hold.....
(18 yrs later)
(on my Heart)
(on my pee)
(cos it hurts)
(for Customer service)
(hang up now!!)
(out on Love)
(out on Marriage)
(around wifes neck)
(fists are clenching)
(around wifes arms)
(on Wifes Bra!!)
(on Officers shirt)
(on my face)
(mace really hurts)
Anchorage: You Only Wanna....
(Catch the Fish!!)
(get really tanked)
(really move here)
(move to Hawaii)
(move to Mexico)
(it’s only fair)
(THEY moved here!!)
(call a Cab!!)
(get out Now!!)
(buy Plane tickets)
(order some Pizza)
(order Chinese food)
Sorry everyone. I’m just hungry.
So anyways..... on with theMadness!!
Anchorage: Don’t tell me......
(who you are)
(your name, Ever!)
(you’re a Man!!)
(my fly’s undone)
(where you live)
(you work undercover?)
(I’m under arrest!!)
(You love me)
(Another Texas Joke)
(Another eskimo joke)
(Sam lives here!!)
(I’m not Asking!!)
Anchorage: So Very very...
(hot, young , sweet)
(much to sexy)
(for this Blog!!)
(blah blah blah!!)
Anchorage: Suck it up!!
(the Beer Gut!!)
(get out, Exercise!!)
(I meant YOU!!)
Anchorage: Apologize to Us!!
(Kiss Our Ass!!)
(now!! you worm!!)
(on your knees!!)
(kiss the Boot!!)
(smell the Glove)
(call me Daddy!!)
(fetch my slippers)
(make a sandwich)
Anchorage: Where Are You!?
(here we are!!)
(I’m over here)
(passed out there)
(stuck in traffic)
(got pulled over)
(walking on Seward)
(double shifts again)
Anchorage: Just Getting started!!
(barely warmed up)
(I’m almost there)
(no sweetheart, no)
(I’m not done!!)
(wait, Hold On!!)
(no, don’t go!!)
(I’ll Pay You!!)
(you’re under Age?!)
(that’s Your Dad!?)
(oh my god!!)
(career goes My!!)
Anchorage: Please stop now!!
(cease and Desist!!)
(cut it out!!)
(I mean it)
(your last warning)
(Click clack. Bang!!)
(heh heh heh)
Anchorage: Certain conditions apply
(but not Forus!!)
(neener Neener NEENER!!)
Anchorage: Be the Next!!
(to get Arrested)
(broke down Tourist)
(disIllusioned Cannery worker)
(to sit at)
(Library All Daay)
(disEnchanted Public Safety!!)
(to Get Runout!!)
(of the Village!!)
(On a Pole)
(washed Up again)
(On 3rd Street)
(eat at Shelter)
(sleep under stars)
(Sigh.....doh well!!!)
Anchorage: Be the Next!!
(wait, there’s More!!)
(Touristo get Fleeced!!)
(Bush Village Survivor!!)
(Refugee from Village!!)
(Last Tourist Spending)
(last Tourist Crawling)
(out of Bar)
(Back to hotel)
(down the Alley)
Anchorage: This time The.....
(Breasts Are Real!!)
(Wife stays home)
(wife’s / Hubby’s at work)
(kids in Daycare)
(Smiles are Fake)
(English is Understandable)
(Peeps have spoken!!)
Anchorage: Trying to Find
(my way home)
(after the Party)
(where’s my pants?!)
(where’s my car?)
(my butt hurts)
(my head hurts)
(Self, Happiness, Niche)
Anchorage: Look, There’s An....
(bear in trash)
(moose in garden)
(really sober driver!!)
(no smoking sign)
(english speaking Cabbie!!)
(goofy Security Officer!!)
(Active Construction Worker!!)
(Pothole on Arctic)
Anchorage: Worth the Trip!!
(like Dunkin’ donuts!!)
(but not theTrouble)
(worth the Effort)
(Right to Jail!!)
(see us again!!)
(Spenard After Dark)
(age limit, 16)
(36th Still Out!!)
(To the Valley!!)
(Inhale real deeply)
Anchorage: Break the Rules!!
(and get arrested)
(or bend them!!)
Anchorage: Where is Everyone!?
(definitely not here)
(Home I guess)
(watching super bowl)
(at the Bars)
And Finally, Some Also Ran’s as well.
Anchorage: Global Cross roads
(Gerbils, Moss, Toads!!)
(What the Hell!?)
Anchorage: Speaks to me!!
(police bull horn)
(public address system)
(hands up now!!)
(walk backwards slowly!!)
(on your knees)
(Now Sam!!, now)
(on your face)
(hands behind back)
(hand over check)
(empty your pockets)
(it’s the girlfriend)
(she’s a cop)
(and mother Inlaw)
(my Probation Officer)
Anchorage: Calls To You!!
(just don’t answer)
(It’ll reverse charges)
(and Slam You!!)
Anchorage: On the Edge!!
(of the Knife)
(bloody, wet knife)
(In, out, IN)
(Quick, Wash, Dry!!)
(Act all surprised!!)
(who, Me!? officer...)
(boo hoo hooo!!)
(I was sleeping...)
(oh he’s dead!!)
(Boo hoo hoo!)
(haa haa haa)
(What finger prints!??)
(Witnessess, who?!, Where?!)
(Shoulda closed curtains!!)
(damn it all!!)
Anchorage: See You Soon!!
(but Hopefully not)
(may be later!??)
(Hopefully never again)
(Don’t call us!)
(take our advice)
Anchorage: Above and Beyond!!
(*guffaw*, Yeah right....)
(love Big Blondes!!?) theSam!! likes that one.
Anchorage: Go Farther North!!!
(or Go South)
(wait, right there!!)
(oh.. oh yeah..)
(is this On!??)
(oh my.. oops!!)
(my cell phone)
(hello, hello?! Mama!?)
(who's with me?!!)
(no one, honest)
(who?!, You’re breaking up!!)
(I’m watching .. television!!)
(he’s not In.....)
(please leave message)
(after the Beep!)
Anchorage: Just For You
(And 10M Tourists)
(and Oil companies)
(and still waiting!!)
(and none Other!!)
(Happy Valentines Day!!)
(oh.. Flowers again!!?)
(You cheap bastard.)
(I’m sicko this)
Anchorage: Top to bottom!!
(couldn’t find it)
*shrugs* I didn’t get that one either, it just came to me.
(Settling may occur)
(like Village chixxx!!)
(into your Life)
(into your pockets)
(into your room!!)
(I’m getting depressed)
(thinking of this)
(and moving on!!)
Anchorage: Worth Talking About!!
(to your kids!!)
(to your friends)
(on the Phone)
(or via Email)
(of your visit)
(to our State)
(of Being robbed)
(being laughed at)
(not living here)
(Pasty white people)
(even the Natives!!)
(of being duped)
(of being cheated)
(Cabbies spek farsi)
(no englesi spoken)
(all luggage lost)
(airline lost Kids!!)
(shoulda lost Wife!!)
(those snobby waiters)
(the expensive food)
(Some stupid Security!!)
(jerk named Sam!!)
(nice guy though)
(some stupid glacier!!)
(dinky little mountains)
(long ass drive!!)
(wow!!! Huge Mosquitos)
(Bus hit Moose)
(really Dead Driver)
(Ungulate in Pieces)
(Japanese Took photos)
(Alaskan Princess driver)
(gorgeous gal though)
(Oh so hot)
(Talky, chipper, Annoying)
(now still, silent)
(her blood everywhere)
(men took Liberties)
(what the Hey!!)
(she’s dead anyway!!!)
(she didn’t care!!)
(hers were Real!!)
(oh so Soft)
(getting real cold)
(Lodge sent help)
(medevac’d the Driver)
(she was unconscious!!)
(oh my god......)
(getting out of here)
(heading to Village!!)
(changing my name...)
*ahem...*
Anchorage: Your Attention Please
This now OVER!!
Back to your
BIG WILD LIFE!!
d:oP
The Man In The Suit Case
o crumbs, and I stayed up all night till 0400 writing too and forgot to Save to this disc.
It was another village tale, I'll post this anyway.
And will include MiSC later.
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