An Open Letter FROM a LandLord!! (to Sam!!)
-theAptBldg ManagementTeam!!
sending out AnotherQuarterly newsletter all because Sam!! insists that he never gets his copy,
even when we stick it under his door, mail it to him, Tack to his Apt room door, and post up and down theHallway, ALL over theKitchen and in theBathroom....
sheeeesh!!
-theAptBldg ManagementTeam!!
we ain’t MainSt, or FleetSt, but thanks to renters, likeSam!!, we be on EasySt!!
-tABMT!!
WinterReminders!!
Use street parking on days with snowFall of 4inches or greater to: allow snow removal apparatus to properly clear all parking spaces, driveways and to allow Sam!! greater Insulation coverage on days when passed out by theDumpster!!
-tABMT!!
Due to theRise of energyCosts, please keep all windows closes between months of Nov, Dec, Jan, Mar and Apr,
We look theOther way during Feb, cos theFunk!! that builds up from all theLubbin’!! goin’ on in theApts before during and after Valentines day is just too much for an enclosed house building to take!!
but other than Sam!!’s socks, his cooking, and vomitous left over in theBathroom every other weekend, Feb is an ideal month really to have windows closed.
-tABMT!!
washers / dryers are now $5 each!!
(as inspired by seeing theSam!! busy busy busy at work and charging everyone $5 if even for a cup of water!!)
-tABMT!!
there will be no more bidness hours but, theLandLord can still be contacted with 2 small taps on theBack window
or 3 raps and a foot shuffle by theSide window followed by a BallCap lift and an earTug for theSwatTeam staging next door!!
and in event of seeing Sam!! staggering home late from Barista work carrying chickenWings, Coke, Jack and Chianti just steer him down to Management door and hell,
give him free Inet for the rest of theMonth!!
-tABMT!!
a mail slot is now available at your convenience for Rent, Fees, Written Notices, Keys, Guest Notifications, Repair Demands!! / Request!! / Pleas!!, Tort and Court papers to Serve!!
and even big enough to stick a Glock barrel in or a Sig P90 on up to a babyDesertEagle through to bust a Cap!! juss becuz!!
erh... Just don’t hit thePSP, theWii, theTrampoline or thePlasma screen in my living room ok!?
-tABMT!!
all “missing” socks found in laundry will be turned over to Sam!! at each months end,
We’ve found out that it makes his cryingJags and passOutTimes along with his guitarPractice just a wee bit more tolerable for us when he’s actually using theSock for a friend, and speaking of sleepOver friends,
his Popo GF needs socks and woolies to wear when sneaking Food out of theCommunal fridge!!,
Lordy, she makes 5K a month and girl can’t feed herself or Sam!!
We also need some decorative Yarn, some blackMarkers, some glue on “eyes” (for his puppets) and for christs sakes,
quit egging him on when he’s drunk!!, you know that HoobToob is threatening to shut down access to my IP address if dat boy done Hollar up again under theInfluence wit his 6 string!! lordy lord lord!!
-TABMT!!
yes yes Sam!!,
your Tab pop is empty, we know you sneak off late late late at night down theStreet for pop, chips, candy!!
and that you re use the same tired pop bottles for Alcohol stash,
yes yes, Your Tap is empty!!, or do you sneak off to see the female officer on patrol!?
-tABMT!!
once again quietly reminding everyone that the WroughtIron backPorch deck furniture needs to be cleared of all Nude female models and have ALL chains, handcuffs and ropes removed from them when you’re done “Playing”,
we get tired of waking up late at night and hearing Sam!! crying softly out back while wiggling into feet, hand and neck restraints!!
Some one tell him This isn’t theVillage!!
-tABMT!!
escape ridiculously high rent prices by staying with us!!,
That will be First and Last months at $2K each, another $2K security deposit and let Sam!!’s popo GF run your stats direct from her cruiser parked outside!!
-tABMT!!
our “lets Kick It!!” theme for this last summer is now officially OVER!!
So quit drinkiing, partying and “Kicking” your apt doors,
quit kicking out theWindows and stop kicking theDrunkenLakota!! passed out by theDumpster please!!
punch him in the face or something!!
-tABMT!!
due to “some people that we know”,
people whom live in Apt 3 b!! hmmm!????, passing out and locking themselves OUT of their aptRooms and then heading to theKitchen and re arranging their assigned Cupboard space and making room to camp out INSIDE the cupboards and falling asleep for a day or two snoring reallllly loud!!,
all apt rooms will now be furnished with a “welcomeHome!!” mat and a potted frond or flower plant by their apt door!!
This is to ensure that if anyone in the future gets locked outside their aptRooms again!!
( 3 b!! this means you) that theResidents therein can then, just like everyone else in theNeighborhood I assume!!,
“LIFT” said Welcome mat or move thePotted plant and will find up to a dozen extra keys to use to let themselves INTO their rooms,
Please, please, DO NOT GET CREATIVE and substitute your own potPlant from theValley!!, you know how much that brings theSam!!’s K-9 popo friend out and her stupid dog too,
that girl and her mutt be smokin’ that sheeet up and then raidin’ theFridge once again!!
and Sam!?
quit throwing up on your plant and mat ok?!
-theApt Bldgs Management Team!!
until next round of nine 11 complaints about Sam!!, we’ll issue our next apts NewsLetter to ya’ll via Email.
---------------------
sending out AnotherQuarterly newsletter all because Sam!! insists that he never gets his copy,
even when we stick it under his door, mail it to him, Tack to his Apt room door, and post up and down theHallway, ALL over theKitchen and in theBathroom....
sheeeesh!!
-theAptBldg ManagementTeam!!
we ain’t MainSt, or FleetSt, but thanks to renters, likeSam!!, we be on EasySt!!
-tABMT!!
WinterReminders!!
Use street parking on days with snowFall of 4inches or greater to: allow snow removal apparatus to properly clear all parking spaces, driveways and to allow Sam!! greater Insulation coverage on days when passed out by theDumpster!!
-tABMT!!
Due to theRise of energyCosts, please keep all windows closes between months of Nov, Dec, Jan, Mar and Apr,
We look theOther way during Feb, cos theFunk!! that builds up from all theLubbin’!! goin’ on in theApts before during and after Valentines day is just too much for an enclosed house building to take!!
but other than Sam!!’s socks, his cooking, and vomitous left over in theBathroom every other weekend, Feb is an ideal month really to have windows closed.
-tABMT!!
washers / dryers are now $5 each!!
(as inspired by seeing theSam!! busy busy busy at work and charging everyone $5 if even for a cup of water!!)
-tABMT!!
there will be no more bidness hours but, theLandLord can still be contacted with 2 small taps on theBack window
or 3 raps and a foot shuffle by theSide window followed by a BallCap lift and an earTug for theSwatTeam staging next door!!
and in event of seeing Sam!! staggering home late from Barista work carrying chickenWings, Coke, Jack and Chianti just steer him down to Management door and hell,
give him free Inet for the rest of theMonth!!
-tABMT!!
a mail slot is now available at your convenience for Rent, Fees, Written Notices, Keys, Guest Notifications, Repair Demands!! / Request!! / Pleas!!, Tort and Court papers to Serve!!
and even big enough to stick a Glock barrel in or a Sig P90 on up to a babyDesertEagle through to bust a Cap!! juss becuz!!
erh... Just don’t hit thePSP, theWii, theTrampoline or thePlasma screen in my living room ok!?
-tABMT!!
all “missing” socks found in laundry will be turned over to Sam!! at each months end,
We’ve found out that it makes his cryingJags and passOutTimes along with his guitarPractice just a wee bit more tolerable for us when he’s actually using theSock for a friend, and speaking of sleepOver friends,
his Popo GF needs socks and woolies to wear when sneaking Food out of theCommunal fridge!!,
Lordy, she makes 5K a month and girl can’t feed herself or Sam!!
We also need some decorative Yarn, some blackMarkers, some glue on “eyes” (for his puppets) and for christs sakes,
quit egging him on when he’s drunk!!, you know that HoobToob is threatening to shut down access to my IP address if dat boy done Hollar up again under theInfluence wit his 6 string!! lordy lord lord!!
-TABMT!!
yes yes Sam!!,
your Tab pop is empty, we know you sneak off late late late at night down theStreet for pop, chips, candy!!
and that you re use the same tired pop bottles for Alcohol stash,
yes yes, Your Tap is empty!!, or do you sneak off to see the female officer on patrol!?
-tABMT!!
once again quietly reminding everyone that the WroughtIron backPorch deck furniture needs to be cleared of all Nude female models and have ALL chains, handcuffs and ropes removed from them when you’re done “Playing”,
we get tired of waking up late at night and hearing Sam!! crying softly out back while wiggling into feet, hand and neck restraints!!
Some one tell him This isn’t theVillage!!
-tABMT!!
escape ridiculously high rent prices by staying with us!!,
That will be First and Last months at $2K each, another $2K security deposit and let Sam!!’s popo GF run your stats direct from her cruiser parked outside!!
-tABMT!!
our “lets Kick It!!” theme for this last summer is now officially OVER!!
So quit drinkiing, partying and “Kicking” your apt doors,
quit kicking out theWindows and stop kicking theDrunkenLakota!! passed out by theDumpster please!!
punch him in the face or something!!
-tABMT!!
due to “some people that we know”,
people whom live in Apt 3 b!! hmmm!????, passing out and locking themselves OUT of their aptRooms and then heading to theKitchen and re arranging their assigned Cupboard space and making room to camp out INSIDE the cupboards and falling asleep for a day or two snoring reallllly loud!!,
all apt rooms will now be furnished with a “welcomeHome!!” mat and a potted frond or flower plant by their apt door!!
This is to ensure that if anyone in the future gets locked outside their aptRooms again!!
( 3 b!! this means you) that theResidents therein can then, just like everyone else in theNeighborhood I assume!!,
“LIFT” said Welcome mat or move thePotted plant and will find up to a dozen extra keys to use to let themselves INTO their rooms,
Please, please, DO NOT GET CREATIVE and substitute your own potPlant from theValley!!, you know how much that brings theSam!!’s K-9 popo friend out and her stupid dog too,
that girl and her mutt be smokin’ that sheeet up and then raidin’ theFridge once again!!
and Sam!?
quit throwing up on your plant and mat ok?!
-theApt Bldgs Management Team!!
until next round of nine 11 complaints about Sam!!, we’ll issue our next apts NewsLetter to ya’ll via Email.
---------------------
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