a SoldiersPerspective
(based on real events)
-----------------
Location:
Kirkuk, Iraq
FOB WARRIOR
Today being Saturday, it was Wednesday a.m. when I woke up from a brief 2hr rest in cold sweat prodded awake by a recurring nightmare of a Village-scene lived through years ago when I was PublicSafety,
My green PX bought sheets were literally wet in sweat and my tucked in PT shirt was getting warmer from urine. I squeezed my bladder to stop but couldn't. I hopped from bed and quickly changed, put away the wet sheets into theHeavy green laundry bag, inspected and then folded up the heavy sportsTeam logo blanket given to me by KBRbilleting, it too was damp from moisture.
After I left theVillage!! years ago I started having nightmares about certain events, of trauma that happened to others, of what I saw and went through Often alone w/ no one else to help me, and over the years theBad dreams melted away and became a distant memory.
Until now, when halfway around theWorld while in service to my country, I found myself back in theShit as they say, back in the same old dysfunction and abusive environment of theVillage!!, but this new environment of hostility had a different face. It was a face of War,
This face didn't really show itself in Basic at FortBenning GA, It might have popped up now and then in a couple of DrillSgts during group PT runs as I fell behind everyone else. "Hurry Up!!, Jesus christ recruit, Who was your recruiter that let you in?!, What kind of dumbass was he to let this happen?!"
On and on w/ one DrillSgt it was profanity after epitath, name after name and no wonder. Cos this one DS had been bounced around from Co after Co after racking up a history of abusing his recruits by smoking them longer than necessary, By overstepping his boundaries and authority.
You do not make a good soldier by slighting them, by abusing them and driving them away from the principles and ideals that BasicTraining instills into their minds and bodies, but it happens sometimes, and it did, this warFace that slowly revealed itself to us Soldiers, to me.
I started to see it here in Iraq when I first went through theMandated doctrine Reception classes on theFOB / forwardOperatingBase that was to be our home for the duration of the deployment. I noticed that our leading Officers often called some subordinates names and treated them dismissively, "Hey dumbass, knockout some pushups before getting mail... and take 5 of them" gesturing to us new Company members standing around.
I could understand how that in this hostile environment that there's little if NO room for kindness and weakness in theArmy. But I hoped that there would be room for Humanity and concern at least, but I guess not.
Morning PT runs turned out to be a chore for me, as I've always had bad ankles and knees since injuring them all over the years. But I had to keep on going through PT events, even in Basic when I fell off theRope tower, landed sideways and sprained both ankles, tweeking a knee and still had to keep on going I figured that such hard expectations would ease up after deployment
No.
Running around theFOB here, it was easy to locate me. I was the one being yelled at by the entire platoon formation. How does that saying go, Too many chefs spoil the broth?, Too many chiefs and not enough indians?, Or in my case, Too many Leaders and not enough effort.
It gets old when your peers take it upon themselves to hustle you around.
"hurry up!!, move your ass" one fellow private growls at me, and we're just going to chowhall what's the rush?
Later on it gets old when your 1stLT keeps calling you a retard, repeatedly all day during combatPatrols when you end up driving for him in theHumvee. And by then, most company considers you a fuckUp soldier because you can't keep up w/ everyone else and because you're a Minority soldier and because you don't kiss ass and suck up to the leaders and hang out with everyone else. Then everyone else considers you fair game for harassment just because upperManagement does it.
I like being a Soldier.
I don't mind this work we do.
Though I find it harder now to stay awake sometimes on patrol (when driving!!) due to the heavy Patrol schedule we now keep, of 2 patrols a day and often only 2 to 3hrs rest time between them. I'm a Humvee driver now, they took me out of the back seat (Dismount) and put me up front where the stresses of patrols isn't so tough. I get claustrophobic sitting back there with NO knee movement no foot movement, no stretching of legs and who knows when the next 2min stop will be for stretching and peeing roadside or streetside!?
I don't remember half of this months patrol times, I don't recall being behind the wheel most times cos of the lack of sleep finally getting to me and I zone out and when that happens, it's hard to get my attention. Plus with the fact that everyone is messing with me to begin with, from practical jokes of poking my ass & balls with a broom while I'm doing crunches on the ground outside my chu, to being felt up ass & thigh wise by passersby while I'm lying in bed in my chu.
I guess it's ok for heterosexual men, soldiers, to act homo and to sexualize things and assault others & Me. I tell them to stop and they keep doing it. I guess it's ok for a teamLeaderSgt to be openly racist and call me a WagonBurner and a whiteWomanRaper, and to also be calling black people-nigger. I guess it's ok to be ordering an sextoy, a FleshLight and to joy with your friends about it's delights and to pester those that don't have one as to why they don't buy one and jack off in the shower? all this over and over again daily.
In light of where we are, Iraq.
I'll stay my hand in detail about my fellow company soldiers leering at, and lewdly commenting upon each veilDraped, hooded and dress clad female we pass by while on patrol. "I'd fuck her face then let my M-4 finish her ass", or "she needs a good raping and so does her daughter". no, no need to say more lest I offend our gracious Iraqi hosts by telling them that most American soldiers really dislike them and their neediness, their dependence upon us for fuel to power our IraqPolice / ESU escorts while on patrol.
In training the privates in how to be leaders and in showing them the way to act, I guess it's ok for a Sgt to be pissed off and to take his anger out on a private just because he was a minute late to show up when just 5meters away around the corner theCO or theCo Sgt stopped said Privates for a word about something and then let them go on their way. Being blatantly late, by blowing off an appt or an order is one thing, but being detained rightfully by someone else is completely different.
When a private is already in pain from being smoked (situps) the day before, I guess it's ok to make them do more situps during a 2min PT before Patrol. And it's ok for Everyone to be yelling at said private without giving him time to acknowledge anyone and then later that night to have him sign a couple of CounselingStatements for disrespecting the LT and a couple of srSgts, when I never heard them yell at me or they never said anything that Required an answer. I'm not "smoking" for anyone now.
My past years of PublicSafety must have affected me more than I thought it did to have those old nightmares come back to me here halfway around the world. I'm a grown man and shouldn't be bothered by any of these things but I am.
One thing I did say to a new teamLeader of mine when he took notes of a recent complaint of mine.
That I thought the 1st LT was out of line in name calling me / us soldiers because such conduct destroys the calling and authority he has over us and hurts unit & individual moral.
He still treats us with contempt and I think that this LT would get along quite nicely with that navyCapt, the female Officer of the ship Cowpens, Whom also created an unsafe, hostile work & living atmosphere by being abusive to her crew. I too feel unsafe here with my 1-30th Inf Bn company only because our leaders have not done anything to address my concerns and instead twists events around to suit them and writes up more CounselingStatements against me. I'm told that I only need 3 to get an Article 15 brought upon me. I now have about a dozen statements written up. I could get kicked out of the Army for that.
And right now, the way things are going. I'd be happy with that. Because I get to get away from people whom I know aren't going to change their sick behavior and I won't become like them-even in passing.
The Platoon returns later today from checkPoint Ops.
As I was pulled from the truckLine yesterday and later on, taken to Medical and then to MentalHealth for evaluation.
Medical said my problem was a mental one so, MentalHealth interviewed me, we talked extensively, They listened.
One Officer said I could go to InspectorGeneral with the Harassment complaints. I initially declined citing not wanting to hurt any Officer and Sgt careers, but looking back, I may go ahead and go to IG if these things keep up around here on FOB.
America,
this is one perspective from a Soldier serving in uniform overseas for YOU.
I hope you enjoy your freedom, because it does come at great cost, not only do those who die for you pay thePrice, but so to do some of theLiving.
always,
lovs, theSam!!
PFC Samuel L Flyinghorse
B Co, 1-30 Inf Bn, 2 BCT, 2nd Platoon, 2nd Squad, rifleman
-----------------
Location:
Kirkuk, Iraq
FOB WARRIOR
Today being Saturday, it was Wednesday a.m. when I woke up from a brief 2hr rest in cold sweat prodded awake by a recurring nightmare of a Village-scene lived through years ago when I was PublicSafety,
My green PX bought sheets were literally wet in sweat and my tucked in PT shirt was getting warmer from urine. I squeezed my bladder to stop but couldn't. I hopped from bed and quickly changed, put away the wet sheets into theHeavy green laundry bag, inspected and then folded up the heavy sportsTeam logo blanket given to me by KBRbilleting, it too was damp from moisture.
After I left theVillage!! years ago I started having nightmares about certain events, of trauma that happened to others, of what I saw and went through Often alone w/ no one else to help me, and over the years theBad dreams melted away and became a distant memory.
Until now, when halfway around theWorld while in service to my country, I found myself back in theShit as they say, back in the same old dysfunction and abusive environment of theVillage!!, but this new environment of hostility had a different face. It was a face of War,
This face didn't really show itself in Basic at FortBenning GA, It might have popped up now and then in a couple of DrillSgts during group PT runs as I fell behind everyone else. "Hurry Up!!, Jesus christ recruit, Who was your recruiter that let you in?!, What kind of dumbass was he to let this happen?!"
On and on w/ one DrillSgt it was profanity after epitath, name after name and no wonder. Cos this one DS had been bounced around from Co after Co after racking up a history of abusing his recruits by smoking them longer than necessary, By overstepping his boundaries and authority.
You do not make a good soldier by slighting them, by abusing them and driving them away from the principles and ideals that BasicTraining instills into their minds and bodies, but it happens sometimes, and it did, this warFace that slowly revealed itself to us Soldiers, to me.
I started to see it here in Iraq when I first went through theMandated doctrine Reception classes on theFOB / forwardOperatingBase that was to be our home for the duration of the deployment. I noticed that our leading Officers often called some subordinates names and treated them dismissively, "Hey dumbass, knockout some pushups before getting mail... and take 5 of them" gesturing to us new Company members standing around.
I could understand how that in this hostile environment that there's little if NO room for kindness and weakness in theArmy. But I hoped that there would be room for Humanity and concern at least, but I guess not.
Morning PT runs turned out to be a chore for me, as I've always had bad ankles and knees since injuring them all over the years. But I had to keep on going through PT events, even in Basic when I fell off theRope tower, landed sideways and sprained both ankles, tweeking a knee and still had to keep on going I figured that such hard expectations would ease up after deployment
No.
Running around theFOB here, it was easy to locate me. I was the one being yelled at by the entire platoon formation. How does that saying go, Too many chefs spoil the broth?, Too many chiefs and not enough indians?, Or in my case, Too many Leaders and not enough effort.
It gets old when your peers take it upon themselves to hustle you around.
"hurry up!!, move your ass" one fellow private growls at me, and we're just going to chowhall what's the rush?
Later on it gets old when your 1stLT keeps calling you a retard, repeatedly all day during combatPatrols when you end up driving for him in theHumvee. And by then, most company considers you a fuckUp soldier because you can't keep up w/ everyone else and because you're a Minority soldier and because you don't kiss ass and suck up to the leaders and hang out with everyone else. Then everyone else considers you fair game for harassment just because upperManagement does it.
I like being a Soldier.
I don't mind this work we do.
Though I find it harder now to stay awake sometimes on patrol (when driving!!) due to the heavy Patrol schedule we now keep, of 2 patrols a day and often only 2 to 3hrs rest time between them. I'm a Humvee driver now, they took me out of the back seat (Dismount) and put me up front where the stresses of patrols isn't so tough. I get claustrophobic sitting back there with NO knee movement no foot movement, no stretching of legs and who knows when the next 2min stop will be for stretching and peeing roadside or streetside!?
I don't remember half of this months patrol times, I don't recall being behind the wheel most times cos of the lack of sleep finally getting to me and I zone out and when that happens, it's hard to get my attention. Plus with the fact that everyone is messing with me to begin with, from practical jokes of poking my ass & balls with a broom while I'm doing crunches on the ground outside my chu, to being felt up ass & thigh wise by passersby while I'm lying in bed in my chu.
I guess it's ok for heterosexual men, soldiers, to act homo and to sexualize things and assault others & Me. I tell them to stop and they keep doing it. I guess it's ok for a teamLeaderSgt to be openly racist and call me a WagonBurner and a whiteWomanRaper, and to also be calling black people-nigger. I guess it's ok to be ordering an sextoy, a FleshLight and to joy with your friends about it's delights and to pester those that don't have one as to why they don't buy one and jack off in the shower? all this over and over again daily.
In light of where we are, Iraq.
I'll stay my hand in detail about my fellow company soldiers leering at, and lewdly commenting upon each veilDraped, hooded and dress clad female we pass by while on patrol. "I'd fuck her face then let my M-4 finish her ass", or "she needs a good raping and so does her daughter". no, no need to say more lest I offend our gracious Iraqi hosts by telling them that most American soldiers really dislike them and their neediness, their dependence upon us for fuel to power our IraqPolice / ESU escorts while on patrol.
In training the privates in how to be leaders and in showing them the way to act, I guess it's ok for a Sgt to be pissed off and to take his anger out on a private just because he was a minute late to show up when just 5meters away around the corner theCO or theCo Sgt stopped said Privates for a word about something and then let them go on their way. Being blatantly late, by blowing off an appt or an order is one thing, but being detained rightfully by someone else is completely different.
When a private is already in pain from being smoked (situps) the day before, I guess it's ok to make them do more situps during a 2min PT before Patrol. And it's ok for Everyone to be yelling at said private without giving him time to acknowledge anyone and then later that night to have him sign a couple of CounselingStatements for disrespecting the LT and a couple of srSgts, when I never heard them yell at me or they never said anything that Required an answer. I'm not "smoking" for anyone now.
My past years of PublicSafety must have affected me more than I thought it did to have those old nightmares come back to me here halfway around the world. I'm a grown man and shouldn't be bothered by any of these things but I am.
One thing I did say to a new teamLeader of mine when he took notes of a recent complaint of mine.
That I thought the 1st LT was out of line in name calling me / us soldiers because such conduct destroys the calling and authority he has over us and hurts unit & individual moral.
He still treats us with contempt and I think that this LT would get along quite nicely with that navyCapt, the female Officer of the ship Cowpens, Whom also created an unsafe, hostile work & living atmosphere by being abusive to her crew. I too feel unsafe here with my 1-30th Inf Bn company only because our leaders have not done anything to address my concerns and instead twists events around to suit them and writes up more CounselingStatements against me. I'm told that I only need 3 to get an Article 15 brought upon me. I now have about a dozen statements written up. I could get kicked out of the Army for that.
And right now, the way things are going. I'd be happy with that. Because I get to get away from people whom I know aren't going to change their sick behavior and I won't become like them-even in passing.
The Platoon returns later today from checkPoint Ops.
As I was pulled from the truckLine yesterday and later on, taken to Medical and then to MentalHealth for evaluation.
Medical said my problem was a mental one so, MentalHealth interviewed me, we talked extensively, They listened.
One Officer said I could go to InspectorGeneral with the Harassment complaints. I initially declined citing not wanting to hurt any Officer and Sgt careers, but looking back, I may go ahead and go to IG if these things keep up around here on FOB.
America,
this is one perspective from a Soldier serving in uniform overseas for YOU.
I hope you enjoy your freedom, because it does come at great cost, not only do those who die for you pay thePrice, but so to do some of theLiving.
always,
lovs, theSam!!
PFC Samuel L Flyinghorse
B Co, 1-30 Inf Bn, 2 BCT, 2nd Platoon, 2nd Squad, rifleman
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