Gosh!!pull Hims with AcousticSam!! *hiccup!!*
1.A Home In Heaven
where Sam!! can't barge in at 3a.m.!!,
maybe 5 or 6, but not 3, or even 2,
heck!! Not even just after Midnight, just not after 3.
Maybe 5 or 6, but I've said this before right?!,
this is what happens when that idiot in uniform Tases YOU too many times....
2.Are You Walkin' And A-Talkin' For The Lord
We here in theVillage!! change theLyrics too,
"are you walkin' and talkin' WITHOUT theFORD!?"
cos, after we got Sam!! theCrownVictoria, then we started flattening theTires,
then someone STOLE theCV,
LOL,
after that, Sam!! trudged up and down theVillage!! streets on patrol.
3.Church In The Wildwood
enjoying theSpirit!! together on Sunday,
so that later on during theWeek!!, we can all singly or collectively "Lurch",
stagger and stumble in theWild woods around theVillage!!
d:oP
4.Crying In The Chapel
that my bottle's been confiscated by Sam!! again,
someone Fire!! that VPSO.
5.Family Bible
otherwise known as a "coloringBook",
but for more advanced Villagers!!
it's theLilBrownJugged!! 2 page spread advert!! d:oP
6.Give Me That Old Time Religion
cos it's good enough for me!!
but apparently these newKids these days, like Sam!!
have never had theLuxery of draining a Gallon of Wine during services or even during a Potlatch, getting all toasty warm and falling asleep by theWoodStove!!
7.He Turned The Water Into Wine
...see, after we were inCustody!! he wouldn't even give us a drink of water,
then we started "whining" about it!!
LOL,
You should watch theSam!! turn Wine into Whining!!
after he dumps it out in front of us, we start bitching and whining about it....
LOL, eh..
hey. That's not funny. d:o(
8.How Beautiful Heaven Must Be
Without an Officer to restrain me
as I beat my family.
sounds like fun!!
9.I Feel Like Traveling On
Meh!!, I tire of theVillage!! sam,
take me away to theBigCityJail!!
Lord I feeel like traveling on.
10. I Know What Lies Ahead
about 250miles of Road and then,
a CityJail!!
oh... Did I mention, 3 peeStops!?
11. I Saw The Light
of theSam!!'s 2.5millionCandlePower SpotLight beam as it shined-ededee-dedded ed in my face,
12. I Wouldn't Take Nothing For My Journey Now
But Sam!! and his StateTroop buddies sent me on my way anyway!!
sheeeeesh!!
13. I'd Rather Be An Old Time Christian (Than Anything I Know)
cos back then,
there were not as many VPSO's as there are now!!
I mean, I can't eve go grocery shopping in theCity!! now and have the
VPSO catch me looking at a Grape in theFruit section without him glaring
at me,
14. I'll Fly Away
Yes I will Sam!! on Helo-1 or a TwinEngine Chieftain, snugly tucked in back cuffed and shanckled,
yes, I'll fly away!!
15. If Not For The Love Of Christ
none of my Sober relatives would like me,
heck!! if not for theSam!!, no one would even have anything to do with me at all!!
16. It Was Jesus
oh...
I mean, it was Sam!!, yeah... *hiccup!!*
17. It's Heaven Calling Me
oh..
no. Wait.
my Caller ID says, "theVPSO Office", nope, "It's just theSam!! calling me" (again)
darn him,
I'm partying here all alone at 3a.m.
sheeesh!!
18. Just A Closer Walk With Thee
Sam!! gets mad when I sing this song to him,
"Just a closer walk with V!!"
"Just a closer walk with P!!"
"Just a closer walk with S!!"
"Just a closer walk with O!!"
anything to get his billyGoat,
I found, that if I say it with a smile and do nothing,
I can get away with saying anything!!
19. Just A Little Talk With Jesus
...or.. withSam!!
20. Land Of Israel
land of Russia,
heck!! land of antArctica!!
any place WITHOUT a VPSO or a StateTroop is paradise to me.
21. Last Night I Dreamed Of Heaven
a place without a VPSO,
or a JailCell,
or HandCuffs,
and there were no Drab, dreary Sherriff's Brown colors or that stupid Gold color.
22. Lead Me, Father
*hiccup!!*
Lead me Father, up theAisle,
force a grin and I a smile.
Lead me Father, to my Man,
away away, further from officerSam!!
Lead me Father (or whatever "StepDad" you are) away from "Him",
Hurry quick, he's using theZoom!! (lense)
lead me Father before everyone,
to theMan you'll call son (of a bitch!!)
now and forever, though my Marriage might not last,
though theFat'll still stick to my ass (forever)
Lead me Father, up theAisle
I'm so drunk, I can't see
I drank 5 liters, I have to pee
Lea........*vomit!!*
23. Life's Railway To Heaven
...... nah,
this is theVillage!!
we got no railroads out here, Just rivers, lakes, woods & trails.
24. On The Jericho Road
Where a few chosen Villagers!! saw theLight!!,
and lost their Alcohol to Sam!!
Their lives were changed!!,
ehh... for a few days or weeks while they were in Jail!!
25. One More Valley
*looks back*
no. no.
He's still following us in his PatrolVehicle
(a few miles and a Valley more!!)
*looks back*
"doh!!, he's still way back there..."
26. Precious Memories
aahhh.
that Case of MillerLight, all shot up with his shotGun.
that, that trunkLoad of Vodka and Gold rum, all poured out in front of us.
*starts crying...*
27. Put Your Hand In The Hand
of theTurtleGoved!!handedMan....
or else!!
28. Ready To Go Home
"ummm, Sir!!,
I'm....
I'm sobering up now!!
Can we go home now, uh.. Sir!?,
Mr VPSO man..... sir!?"
29. Safely In The Arms Of Jesus
safely in the arm.....
oh...
what am I doing in this stand of trees!?
oh..
I was running from theVPSO,
30. Sheltered In The Arms Of God
meh,
at least it was theVillageCouncil!! that helped "God" get his comfy warm,
safe office!!
31. Show Me The Way To Go
this what we like about Sam!!
not only does he show us theWayHome!!
he'll gladly drive 40 to 60miles from theVillage!! to help us,
and will follow us back home,
he even got some FlashingLights for his vehicle and a Siren/Horn so he could
talk to us from his Truck,
he's a great guy!!
32. Someone To Care
ya' know, if only theNonProfitAgency had hired someone NICE,
like, a hot woman. But instead we get this tall ugly Lakota man.
Why can't we get someone hot to arrest us like, like that Police woman
on tv!? that Vino-911?!
ha ha.. Get it!? VINO!?
LOL
33. The First Step To Heaven
begins with theFirstSip!!
34. The Unclouded Day
is the day my Village!! is without a VPSO!!
35. (There'll Be) Peace In The Valley (For Me)
*looks back*
nope. no, he's still there!!
damnit!!
why can't he just stop!!
Leave us alone!?
36. This Is Just What Heaven Means To Me
but I've said it before already,
it means there's no arrestingOfficer around to bug me!!
37. To My Mansion In The Sky
I get closer and closer sip by sip, swig by swig and with everyMile I drive under theInfluence!!
38. Turn Your Radio On
"Turn it on ya' dumbass, he's right there,
Michael, stop. Throw it out, he's right behind theCurve!!,
Turn your damn Motarola radio on stupid, it's what we got those things for,
Turn it on!! hey dummy!!"
39. Wealth Won't Save Your Soul
Neither will Health!!
which is why we wreck ours as soonest possible by drinking!!
40. When The Book Of Life Is Read
they'll see that I colored Outside theLines!!
and that Kilroy was in theVillage!!
41. Where Could I Go
I mean, I live in theVillage!!
and that damn Officer and his helpers know every street and every path,
They even know my hiding places and who my friends are,
so.
Where could go!?
42. Who Am I
who are You!?
why the hell...
why should I even tell you my name!?,
what..
what?!, where am I?!
Where are You!?
huh?! Where theFuck are you?!
43. Why Me? (Why Me, Lord?)
*as lamented by a RoadSide traffic-stopped Villager heard on MicroCassette
tape recording,
as Most of theOther writings above were ALSO, inspired by this and other
microCassette recordings!!
44. Will The Circle Be Unbroken
well.
Only when he inserts theLil-Key and unlatches theHandCuff's,
those two "circles" that for the most part,
while I'm inCustody, remain "Unbroken"
45. Wings Of A Dove
on theWings of a Snow white dove..
erh... of a SkyChieftain,
theState!! sends it's pure sweet love,
So if theVillage!! needs beatin', just leave that to Sam!! d:oP
----
lovs,
theSam!!
SLFlyinghorse
Anchorage, AK
where Sam!! can't barge in at 3a.m.!!,
maybe 5 or 6, but not 3, or even 2,
heck!! Not even just after Midnight, just not after 3.
Maybe 5 or 6, but I've said this before right?!,
this is what happens when that idiot in uniform Tases YOU too many times....
2.Are You Walkin' And A-Talkin' For The Lord
We here in theVillage!! change theLyrics too,
"are you walkin' and talkin' WITHOUT theFORD!?"
cos, after we got Sam!! theCrownVictoria, then we started flattening theTires,
then someone STOLE theCV,
LOL,
after that, Sam!! trudged up and down theVillage!! streets on patrol.
3.Church In The Wildwood
enjoying theSpirit!! together on Sunday,
so that later on during theWeek!!, we can all singly or collectively "Lurch",
stagger and stumble in theWild woods around theVillage!!
d:oP
4.Crying In The Chapel
that my bottle's been confiscated by Sam!! again,
someone Fire!! that VPSO.
5.Family Bible
otherwise known as a "coloringBook",
but for more advanced Villagers!!
it's theLilBrownJugged!! 2 page spread advert!! d:oP
6.Give Me That Old Time Religion
cos it's good enough for me!!
but apparently these newKids these days, like Sam!!
have never had theLuxery of draining a Gallon of Wine during services or even during a Potlatch, getting all toasty warm and falling asleep by theWoodStove!!
7.He Turned The Water Into Wine
...see, after we were inCustody!! he wouldn't even give us a drink of water,
then we started "whining" about it!!
LOL,
You should watch theSam!! turn Wine into Whining!!
after he dumps it out in front of us, we start bitching and whining about it....
LOL, eh..
hey. That's not funny. d:o(
8.How Beautiful Heaven Must Be
Without an Officer to restrain me
as I beat my family.
sounds like fun!!
9.I Feel Like Traveling On
Meh!!, I tire of theVillage!! sam,
take me away to theBigCityJail!!
Lord I feeel like traveling on.
10. I Know What Lies Ahead
about 250miles of Road and then,
a CityJail!!
oh... Did I mention, 3 peeStops!?
11. I Saw The Light
of theSam!!'s 2.5millionCandlePower SpotLight beam as it shined-ededee-dedded ed in my face,
12. I Wouldn't Take Nothing For My Journey Now
But Sam!! and his StateTroop buddies sent me on my way anyway!!
sheeeeesh!!
13. I'd Rather Be An Old Time Christian (Than Anything I Know)
cos back then,
there were not as many VPSO's as there are now!!
I mean, I can't eve go grocery shopping in theCity!! now and have the
VPSO catch me looking at a Grape in theFruit section without him glaring
at me,
14. I'll Fly Away
Yes I will Sam!! on Helo-1 or a TwinEngine Chieftain, snugly tucked in back cuffed and shanckled,
yes, I'll fly away!!
15. If Not For The Love Of Christ
none of my Sober relatives would like me,
heck!! if not for theSam!!, no one would even have anything to do with me at all!!
16. It Was Jesus
oh...
I mean, it was Sam!!, yeah... *hiccup!!*
17. It's Heaven Calling Me
oh..
no. Wait.
my Caller ID says, "theVPSO Office", nope, "It's just theSam!! calling me" (again)
darn him,
I'm partying here all alone at 3a.m.
sheeesh!!
18. Just A Closer Walk With Thee
Sam!! gets mad when I sing this song to him,
"Just a closer walk with V!!"
"Just a closer walk with P!!"
"Just a closer walk with S!!"
"Just a closer walk with O!!"
anything to get his billyGoat,
I found, that if I say it with a smile and do nothing,
I can get away with saying anything!!
19. Just A Little Talk With Jesus
...or.. withSam!!
20. Land Of Israel
land of Russia,
heck!! land of antArctica!!
any place WITHOUT a VPSO or a StateTroop is paradise to me.
21. Last Night I Dreamed Of Heaven
a place without a VPSO,
or a JailCell,
or HandCuffs,
and there were no Drab, dreary Sherriff's Brown colors or that stupid Gold color.
22. Lead Me, Father
*hiccup!!*
Lead me Father, up theAisle,
force a grin and I a smile.
Lead me Father, to my Man,
away away, further from officerSam!!
Lead me Father (or whatever "StepDad" you are) away from "Him",
Hurry quick, he's using theZoom!! (lense)
lead me Father before everyone,
to theMan you'll call son (of a bitch!!)
now and forever, though my Marriage might not last,
though theFat'll still stick to my ass (forever)
Lead me Father, up theAisle
I'm so drunk, I can't see
I drank 5 liters, I have to pee
Lea........*vomit!!*
23. Life's Railway To Heaven
...... nah,
this is theVillage!!
we got no railroads out here, Just rivers, lakes, woods & trails.
24. On The Jericho Road
Where a few chosen Villagers!! saw theLight!!,
and lost their Alcohol to Sam!!
Their lives were changed!!,
ehh... for a few days or weeks while they were in Jail!!
25. One More Valley
*looks back*
no. no.
He's still following us in his PatrolVehicle
(a few miles and a Valley more!!)
*looks back*
"doh!!, he's still way back there..."
26. Precious Memories
aahhh.
that Case of MillerLight, all shot up with his shotGun.
that, that trunkLoad of Vodka and Gold rum, all poured out in front of us.
*starts crying...*
27. Put Your Hand In The Hand
of theTurtleGoved!!handedMan....
or else!!
28. Ready To Go Home
"ummm, Sir!!,
I'm....
I'm sobering up now!!
Can we go home now, uh.. Sir!?,
Mr VPSO man..... sir!?"
29. Safely In The Arms Of Jesus
safely in the arm.....
oh...
what am I doing in this stand of trees!?
oh..
I was running from theVPSO,
30. Sheltered In The Arms Of God
meh,
at least it was theVillageCouncil!! that helped "God" get his comfy warm,
safe office!!
31. Show Me The Way To Go
this what we like about Sam!!
not only does he show us theWayHome!!
he'll gladly drive 40 to 60miles from theVillage!! to help us,
and will follow us back home,
he even got some FlashingLights for his vehicle and a Siren/Horn so he could
talk to us from his Truck,
he's a great guy!!
32. Someone To Care
ya' know, if only theNonProfitAgency had hired someone NICE,
like, a hot woman. But instead we get this tall ugly Lakota man.
Why can't we get someone hot to arrest us like, like that Police woman
on tv!? that Vino-911?!
ha ha.. Get it!? VINO!?
LOL
33. The First Step To Heaven
begins with theFirstSip!!
34. The Unclouded Day
is the day my Village!! is without a VPSO!!
35. (There'll Be) Peace In The Valley (For Me)
*looks back*
nope. no, he's still there!!
damnit!!
why can't he just stop!!
Leave us alone!?
36. This Is Just What Heaven Means To Me
but I've said it before already,
it means there's no arrestingOfficer around to bug me!!
37. To My Mansion In The Sky
I get closer and closer sip by sip, swig by swig and with everyMile I drive under theInfluence!!
38. Turn Your Radio On
"Turn it on ya' dumbass, he's right there,
Michael, stop. Throw it out, he's right behind theCurve!!,
Turn your damn Motarola radio on stupid, it's what we got those things for,
Turn it on!! hey dummy!!"
39. Wealth Won't Save Your Soul
Neither will Health!!
which is why we wreck ours as soonest possible by drinking!!
40. When The Book Of Life Is Read
they'll see that I colored Outside theLines!!
and that Kilroy was in theVillage!!
41. Where Could I Go
I mean, I live in theVillage!!
and that damn Officer and his helpers know every street and every path,
They even know my hiding places and who my friends are,
so.
Where could go!?
42. Who Am I
who are You!?
why the hell...
why should I even tell you my name!?,
what..
what?!, where am I?!
Where are You!?
huh?! Where theFuck are you?!
43. Why Me? (Why Me, Lord?)
*as lamented by a RoadSide traffic-stopped Villager heard on MicroCassette
tape recording,
as Most of theOther writings above were ALSO, inspired by this and other
microCassette recordings!!
44. Will The Circle Be Unbroken
well.
Only when he inserts theLil-Key and unlatches theHandCuff's,
those two "circles" that for the most part,
while I'm inCustody, remain "Unbroken"
45. Wings Of A Dove
on theWings of a Snow white dove..
erh... of a SkyChieftain,
theState!! sends it's pure sweet love,
So if theVillage!! needs beatin', just leave that to Sam!! d:oP
----
lovs,
theSam!!
SLFlyinghorse
Anchorage, AK
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