My Salmon-My Self
My Salmon- My Self
Can a much needed Adventure Vacation get you in touch with your roots??
Let you reach Inward to your inner Hunter - Gatherer??
Much explained blogster "theSam!!" went to Alaska to find out.
Stepping out the doors to my shoe box apt it hit me like a slipper in the face that..
wait. wait..
An old stinky slipper DID actually hit me in the face.
It came from theDumpster next to theApts.
I stepped on over and was surprised to find a couple of kids rummaging around
inside the green painted box, the whole dumpster smelled rancid.
Guess that explained the stinky slipper that had been tossed out non-chalantly
at me to... Hey!!!
I looked at the distance from theDumpster to thePorch where I once stood.
10, 20, 30feet and up 10 steps.
"Why those little creeps!", I fumed,
turning in anger to theDumpster I found it empty, devoid of neighborhood kids.
Glumly, I set back to what I had been thinking of previously.
Oh yeah....
I have to go to Alaska to find out!!
Then it hit me in theFace
I WAS in ALASKA!!
I shrugged my tired neck,
hoisted my micro back pack, w/built in 3Liter water capacity, over my shoulders and settled into
a slow walk to work.
--------------------------------------
Summer Blow-Up
As theTour de Anc'Rage' continues for the duration of theSummer,
back of thePack contender theSam!!, shirt # XXL, fends off Dope allegations from theTour de Anc'Rage'
officials.
"allright already,,, so I MIGHT be one at times!!".
For time being, theSam!! is sidelined with a rear tire flat and will wait till next pay check to buy
a small tire pump to inflate his newly purchased Bike Tire inner-tubes.
theSam!!'s race standings were affected sometime last week at a Mandatory Rest check point
sometime after Midnight.
theSam!! was prepping his gear, clothes and other sundries for theNext days events when
a gunshot rang loudly in his room, followed by what can only be described as the sound of
rushing air escaping it's confines most violently.
theSam!! checked on his Girlfriend of theDay, she slept sweetly and wasn't deflating or deflated
at all.
theSam!! checked his various water and "Other" liquids storage bottles in his room, nope.
No Hootch had gone sour, expanded in gas and broken out of their containers.
Perplexed and puzzled theSam!! checked his Noggin'.
As oft times residual hot air can get trapped up there and fester, sit for days on end
contributing to Fuzzy thinking and glib spontaneous spouts of rhetoric.
Nope. all clear. In fact, their was no wax build-up at all in theEars.
theSam!! checked his Self-Esteem and his fragile Ego as they sat upon the Clothes dresser.
Nope. They weren't deflated or damaged at all.
So where oh where did the gunshot come from??
It never came from outside.
theSam!! was overwhelmed by a sudden panic rush and gingerly checked his jammie bottoms.
Nope, one subcompact Glock still rested in it's SmartCarry right next to Jr and theBoys.
"Whhaadd!!?? blinked Jr as he stirred from sleep for a moment then turned to slumber.
Nope, theGlock didn't misfire and neither did theOther one laying under the pillow close by.
It wasn't until theNext morning when theSam!! prepped his Mtn Bike to continue in that days
spoiler of theTour de Anc'Rage' that theSource of the gun shots sound was found.
You'll read about it next.
Heaven and Hell
In Anchorage you can find politeness and rudeness all within minutes of the Other.
Usually it's a local who's either saying hi to you, begging for a handout or else swearing at you.
And lately it was theBeggars stepping up to me and sticking their "1 penny only please"
Black markered card board signs in my face as I approached them and seeing that I gave no handout,
would vulgarize m very existence.
Usually I would pedal past them but last Monday, on a day off from work, I rode into Downtown
Anchorage and stopped in front of a popular bar / restaurant.
I chained my mountain bike to a nearby parking meter then I tied up my bicycle Gel-seat cushion
more firmly and tied down my foam bike helmet to the handlebars.
I quietly drank a couple of Cokes at theBar and set out to watch CNN tv on the wall, to read the news
ticker but a small petite woman walked in during commercial and smiled at me,
softly touching my arm as she sat down beside me.
She ordered a Bubbly drink of a dark color. It smelled strongly of Grape and anger.
Because behind the fruity scents of each libation that theBlonde drank I could smell and taste
the pure alcohol and for a moment I was back in theVillage struggling with an angry young man as his
sobbing girlfriend held her bleeding face.
I pushed those long dormant thoughts aside for a few hours while Mrs Married blonde
talked to me about her life.
She blushed at my compliments regarding her hair and figure. She got a sof perm last month and was
actually happy about the results. I smiled inwardly at her frequent use of "actually".
Because in some circles, liars habitually say the word to start their sentences, but I glanced around
and reminded myself that I was in a bar. That I was in a theater and was center stage with a fellow
thespian and that I was also in the audience watching the show. Be Somebody!!
She ran daily, had purchased new running shoes yesterday.
She once had dreams of being a pro Bodybuilder, she still lifted weights and watched what she ate.
"Like this??" I lifted a piece of chocolate to my mouth and she was amused at my focus on the morsel
until it disappeared under my nose. She cackled and grabbed my arm, squeezing it.
I took that moment as opportunity to state that as of late, I just lifted candy bars and pop as I drove
a Security Patrol route miming a preacher curl and putting a warm smile on my face.
We laughed much as she gushed about her children and about her big house in theValley.
Her only daughter was doing great in high school and was hoping for preMed college
study here at home at UAA before going to Texas and New York for graduate programs.
Her twin sons were competing with each other in separate summer sports,
each hoping to out do the other in Baseball and Soccer.
She seemed to have read my mind and said that, Yes, she drove a Mini van like all the other moms.
I looked at her checkbook wallet she opened for me.
Nice kids, Your daughter?? I asked.
She caught herself for a moment, squinted at the photos.
"that's theNanny, we had her till my boys were 6 yrs old, here she is." And we both looked
and pondered the family images for a moment.
I broke us out of our silent mood that we had somehow slipped into.
"A Valley-girl, really?! And so far from home?" I stirred the ice cubes in my glass.
Her Valley husband was flying in from Juneau that evening and her Mother had the kids for a few hours
Downtown at theMalls. She wanted time alone to eat a salad or nibble nachos, "to think and drink"
as she put it.
"How about another one?" she took my empty Coke glass, placed it on the bar and pushed it inward.
In a moment a young girl calmly appeared from chaotic rush of bartenders, bar backs, dishwashers,
servers and white-clad Chefs that was taking place behind the bar and she refilled my glass
with fresh ice and Coke before joining the fray.
Now adays you filled several drinks, pop and even water from just a couple of central plumbed
spigots. Like a heavy duty dish sink water hose with a tv remote attached to the back of it.
I recalled a few Summers ago when theAlaska Princess employed me.
I was down in theBasement of theLodge looking through a utilities workshop room for some item
thePrincess needed and I almost shot a fountain drink canister with one of my carried-concealed pistols.
I had no idea those canisters were in the Utes room when I heard a loud ""ffffsshhh!!"
erupt from the darkness behind me. Within that hour I had to let the evening Bartender into
that same room so she could change out pop canisters.
Gone are the good old days when bartenders mixed drinks, popped bottle tops off in front of you,
wiped down glasses with clean rags and recycled the drinking glasses to other customers until the
next big bar scufflaw happened and a mug, shot glass or pint jar was broken.
Presently my Coke glass sweated, I stirred the ice and could taste a hint of sweet fruit,
sour water or club soda, and spicy water melon and all that was just residual from the
one computerized Tap nozzle that filled my glass with sweet beverage.
Mrs Blonde swirled her pink drink and we continued talking until she had to go meet her mother and children.
"I won't drive, I promise!" she breathed on me and then she left.
She breathed words like many village females and a couple of men breathed out on me to appease
me and keep me from arresting them or from impounding their vehicles.
My lazy summer afternoon in theBar with a Friend for a Moment and a good steak dinner
afterwards was Politeness. I was in Heaven again in good clean female company. I liked that and
started to miss my Salon & Therapist days in Seattle.
After my Happy hours were over I would return to my Bicycle and find my sweaty, reflective-taped
up foam helmet stolen and some other items askew upon the bike frame.
And this took place on a busy street with Tourists flocking by, locals walking by along with
bar security sitting and standing just steps away from my bicycle.
Way to go Anchorage, how rude of you.
In addition to my helmet being stolen that day my Bike tire was flat.
I stood my Bike on end and slowly spun the deflated wheel.
A sliver flash of white caught my eye, stopping theTire spin I moved the silver into view
and my beady eyes focused upon a small Office sized paper staple.
Apparently I had just picked up that staple before stopping at theBar and the tire deflated
while I enjoyed merriment inside theEstablishment.
I walked another mile to a Gas station that had a reliable air hose and inflated the empty
bike tire.
The tire pressure held up for the duration of my ride back to my Apt.
After the tire went flat again I used a small can of GreenGoo fix-it and that inflated theTire
up to rock hard firmness.
For at least two days riding that GreenGoo held up until theTire suddenly deflated
as theBike sat in my bedroom.
My foot hung off the bed and was suddenly cooled by a Cold rush of air.
A few days later I walked the smooth sidewalks along theBlvd and felt comfortable with the
solid surface beneath my polished black shoes. But 10 paces more and I was brought up roughly
out of my concrete comfort zone at seeing spider vein like patterns in the sidewalk.
I could see where tree roots had grown for years, decades and had cracked the sidewalk and broken
through more recent applications of black tar Quick-Fix-It.
Reality speed bumps for me. Telling me that no matter how far mankind had progressed in Alaska,
Nature was just a few steps away and already making efforts to reclaim what once was hers to begin with.
A scarred face Native male had sat on a downed tree section just off the sidewalk and was watching
me approach him, an unfiltered Camel slowly burning in his fingertips.
He looked at me.
"Your friends are down there", he spoke softly.
Gesturing to the 1/4mile hill that I would descend, a shortcut through forest and over glacial
stream to reach the road that would take me to my work place.
Many times, there are volumes of information contained in a Cigarette-led gesture.
Followed by the puckering and pointing of hole forming lips that spew out a gray cloud of smoke.
I offered nothing to the Native male, no acknowledgment at all.
I didn't look at him directly, studied the rest of the sidewalk as I passed him,
counted the number of glass bottle fragments (23), heard the number of cars pass by at that
Moment on theBlvd (5) then I stepped onto the walking trail.
I reached the bottom of theHill without incident. Often one Inebriate pedals or stumbles from
the tree line to say hi to me or ask me a question, hoping to lead me into being friendly
and then they ask for $.
I walked another mile of bike trail and over small foot bridges and my senses took in all that
was around me. Two joggers paced by me in steady cadence.
Your friends are down there.
Where?
I subconsciously picked up a familiar foot beat from the chatting joggers and I was suddenly
on a small country backroads in West Tennessee humping my sore body behind a pack
of hungry young men.
The military Instructor would sing and we'd repeat it.
........"wad we gona do wen we get back!",
"take a showr 'n hit the rack!",
"no way!!, I'm runnin'!",
"PT, lots of fun!!" ...............
My lungs blistered from the humidty, the Cadence calling, my arms were numb.
And that was only in the first mile.
Our running group sang all the cadence songs of that 90's era as I'm sure there are new
running songs the military sings.
We sang popular heavy metal tunes, grunted, growled, screamed and howled and did it all in
120 to 124 beats per minute, full stride 4 to 8 miles a day.
We got to running a good 4 miles under 26 minutes after the first month.
Those 4 years in the Navy were both Heaven and Hell for me.
My Parachute Rigger classmates, most of them that signed up for SEAL's after PR school in TN,
had gone onto their Experiences. And I went onto mine in life.
During theNavy years couple of good girl friends left me at that time, other friends
turned their backs on me and I was left alone.
But in looking back on my Life till now, such experiences were necessary for me to get here in the
first place and I wouldn't change my life one bit if I could live it over again.
Heaven and Hell, Pleasure and Pain, Comfort and Dis are part of daily life. Do what you will with
each experience.
I walked further till I got to the Shipyards Creek that runs from Downtown and meanders through
still-standing forest and under several heavy duty well used bridges towards the North north-east.
I crossed the empty 6 lane street, passing several vehicles parked well off the road side.
and joined about 2 dozen other people watching the swift moving water below and counted 60+
Salmon that were were barely visible against the dark gravel bottom of the Shipyards Creek.
The tails and heads of the dark purple / crimson hued fish wagged endlessly back and forth
as each Salmon stayed in the same spot swimming against the swift cold current.
We were watching about 5 yrs of hard earned life coming to a close in the waters below.
One man talked animatedly to his family that those Salmon had traveled over 2,000 miles from
the Ocean and they still had hundreds of miles to go till they were home.
I thought about an analogy that my mind gleaned from seeing the fish swaying in the current.
Rest a little, You've come this far and look at what you've become.
Look at what you can still do and will do for others including yourself.
Rest.
I continued my walk to work and had a great swing-shift patrolling my assigned Security route
for theCompany.
That day my assigned company truck had a dead battery from someone in Night shift leaving the
Comms radio turned on and from the dome light switch being left on as well.
When I was driving a One-way street and got into an Optional Turn Right or Go Straight Lane
I opted to go straight and was cut off abruptly from the Left by an irate driver in a huge
pickup truck. It seems that the Pickup driver wanted to turn Right and would have crashed into
me.
Guess I was too focused with other things to worry about an impatient driver when I first
judged that particular intersection safe to proceed and the vehicles around me as being happy
in their lane choices.
At one commercial account I drove around the Bldg and observed a White man side-lying
on the pavement. A Native woman was standing over him.
I thought that she had either backed into him with her car causing him injury or else that I
had stumbled upon a Domestic Violence scene that ended in her favor.
I was wrong on both thoughts, as the Man dropped suddenly due to an epaleptic seizure
right there in the Parking lot.
I knelt by the Man and talked with him, kept his mind focused on being calm while the Native
woman called 9-1-1 and soon we could hear sirens. Within 5 minutes the Man was in
care of Municipal Fire fighters and Para Medics. "Thanks Skipper", he saluted me from
the ambulance litter.
We make good choices and bad choices and the consequences can be Heaven or Hell for
us and for those around us when we are either Polite or Rude.
--Authors Note..
theSam!! vehemently denies rumors of alleged sightings of him at donut shops while on duty.
Vanilla Steamers and sugar cookies is Where it's at!! he declares.
--------------
Public Opinion
You decide whether or not Village should be in our Lives.
Should we ban theVillage, period??
or should we keep Village legal?
Log onto http://alaskavillagetales.blogspot.com/
and leave your comments. No reasonable comments will be ignored and left unpublished.
As theSam!! is not about censoring anybody.
And speaking of censoring, as stated awhile back in previous Blog listings.
theSam!! mentioned that he was not about censoring anybody or anything, and related a "fitting"
analogy of seeing a published photo of britney spears.
Where theSam!! thought that the black mini skirt that she (britney) had on in the photo was actually
a black magic marker censor by the tabloid publishers.
Then theSam!! realized that the black mark actually was a mini skirt. Thus theSam!! could rightly
and intelligently say that... that. um.
(lost my train of thought)
Anyway,
Shall we keep theVillage or ban theVillage?
theSam!! will let You decide.
Some irate blog readers are furious at theSam!! already, and castigating his efforts publicly.
Some angry anonymous writers who Support and who Ban theVillage along with a
smattering of other City citizens had these things to say.
One email to theSam!! reads:
"You're a silly silly man.
How dare you write honestly about me and my family and about my village
which I secretly despise.
I hate myself and that's why I drink and run around and actually,
it's not you that I'm afraid of when I mention that "I'm afraid for our Children".
But it's me that I fear the most and I'm ashamed at not having stood up for my kids in the past.
Actually I'm thankful that you were here in our Village.
You did keep the bad people in check by speaking out against them,
by doing good things for us all and we really miss you.
Hurry back to see us soon!!
Besides, we're bored here without someone to gossip about and to character assassinate.
Luvs, Villager X"
And another irritated Villager left this phone text message.
"You should be banned indoors, outdoors and especially from this Village sir!
My trip Outside with my family and spending Council funds upon a Gambling spree and Mall shopping
is sanctioned by theChief and those vegetables we call theCouncil.
And speaking of Lettuce heads, remember Will's Son the Hoity toity Cabinet member that's
never here in the Village??
He went kind of soft and lost his Ice Burg crispness overnight, so rather than toss him out
we shredded him for the salad bar and ate him during last months Community Dinners.
We had fun on the Vacation trip though, besides, your sister needed some shades from the
Hot Vegas sun and I wanted a Casino T-shirt so thtpthphthptptht!!!! and your dear Mother
got another silly coffee mug for me.
Later dude, Your Native stepdad."
Another message was found taped to theSam!!'s apt door in Mtn View;
"I don't like the idea of having to go down to 3rd Ave or theSoup Kitchens just to Village for a moment.
I think that I should be able to just get down and Village right in the comfort and safety of my
own living room in my Joe boxers, Don't you think!!??
By the way, sorry for using all the hot water the other day before you went to work, oh oh!! and
could you get some more of that delish cheese cake I ate up the other day?? Sorry I didn't save you
a slice.
And sorry for making you throw up all your dinner after you caught me Villaging the other day.
Your roomie / Apt. mate."
A plane skywriter left this for theSam!!
"I'm a nonVillager and often go out into the Rural places just to experience Village life.
I think that I should be able to just have theVillage more closer to theCity so we can have it both ways.
For now I'm basically just stuck looking at your Blog on theNet, going to TentCity or listening to your
silly stories at wor.... wait.. wait scratch that... Don't say work.... NO.. damn it.. I said.."
One young man, who asked not to be identified for fear of Village reprisal stated to one of our public
roving reporters;
"I would really love to be able to go out into Public and not have that horrid thing called Village around.
It gets into your clothes, it's in your hair, it's in your life and I've even found it sleeping in my car after a
cold winter night. I think we should ban theVillage and just move on with our lives!!"
One patriotic Inebriate waved us down and after writing a hasty two word message for us,
in black marker upon his cardboard sign, we translated the following:
"Going Village is the right thing to do.
Village is a necessity, it's more than just cost of living issues, or health
issues and it certainly is beyond emotional and mental health issues.
Being, doing and saying Village things is a natural way of life.
I would not have my Village life here in theCity taken away one bit.
Keep theVillage!!"
Well, there you have it hot HOT!! off the press.
Various Alaskan people are now debating at whether we should ban Village from our daily lives or else
whether we should impose sanctions upon Village use, Village hours and basically all things Village.
Stay tuned at http://alaskavillagetales.blogspot.com/ for more news regarding all things Village.
Upcoming News and Blog postings.
theSam!! defends his absence,
from theVillage at time of theIncident.
Did theSam!! get a Permit?
Live feeds from our Rural reporters regarding Combat Village,
Red season opens up today!
More Village Horoscopes,
find your answers in theStars!
Village Classifieds!!,
buy, sell or just junk the damn thing here
Village Sirens out of Jail and into theRecording Studio,
a Dae-ya, Cass & Jewels lead theGirls onward
As theVillage Turns!!
new season, new lineup, new Village Officer!!
theSam!!'s 2006
100 days of Village
--------------
More Village Ism's
-Support local Village!! buy local, better yet, steal!!
-theVillage?!
denying the severity of theProblem-in fact, denying that
there is a Problem.
-Village Public Safety
Nobody beats our Village like our Officers
-YVC Inc (so?!!)
What the COOL Villagers are doing
-Adopt a Village today!!
-Don't Village naked! at least put a Pasty on.
-theVillage Experience Live Theatre
Advance tickets on sale now!!
-the *hiccup* VVViillliiddgge
comfortably numb
-Honey, I shrunk theVillage!!!! problems
-Honey, I Blew up theVillage!!!! problems
-That Village Show
-My 3 Villages
-YVC Inc (doh!!) Nether region
now Color coded for easy Village finding and to see
which Village is right for you.
-thePublic Safety Series: a newly revised 2006 edition of
Village for Dummies.
with authentic field notes from theSam!!, love notes from
his many female suitors in theVillage and a few hate
messages from theVillage Council transcribed from tape!
Sam-On!!
Can a much needed Adventure Vacation get you in touch with your roots??
Let you reach Inward to your inner Hunter - Gatherer??
Much explained blogster "theSam!!" went to Alaska to find out.
Stepping out the doors to my shoe box apt it hit me like a slipper in the face that..
wait. wait..
An old stinky slipper DID actually hit me in the face.
It came from theDumpster next to theApts.
I stepped on over and was surprised to find a couple of kids rummaging around
inside the green painted box, the whole dumpster smelled rancid.
Guess that explained the stinky slipper that had been tossed out non-chalantly
at me to... Hey!!!
I looked at the distance from theDumpster to thePorch where I once stood.
10, 20, 30feet and up 10 steps.
"Why those little creeps!", I fumed,
turning in anger to theDumpster I found it empty, devoid of neighborhood kids.
Glumly, I set back to what I had been thinking of previously.
Oh yeah....
I have to go to Alaska to find out!!
Then it hit me in theFace
I WAS in ALASKA!!
I shrugged my tired neck,
hoisted my micro back pack, w/built in 3Liter water capacity, over my shoulders and settled into
a slow walk to work.
--------------------------------------
Summer Blow-Up
As theTour de Anc'Rage' continues for the duration of theSummer,
back of thePack contender theSam!!, shirt # XXL, fends off Dope allegations from theTour de Anc'Rage'
officials.
"allright already,,, so I MIGHT be one at times!!".
For time being, theSam!! is sidelined with a rear tire flat and will wait till next pay check to buy
a small tire pump to inflate his newly purchased Bike Tire inner-tubes.
theSam!!'s race standings were affected sometime last week at a Mandatory Rest check point
sometime after Midnight.
theSam!! was prepping his gear, clothes and other sundries for theNext days events when
a gunshot rang loudly in his room, followed by what can only be described as the sound of
rushing air escaping it's confines most violently.
theSam!! checked on his Girlfriend of theDay, she slept sweetly and wasn't deflating or deflated
at all.
theSam!! checked his various water and "Other" liquids storage bottles in his room, nope.
No Hootch had gone sour, expanded in gas and broken out of their containers.
Perplexed and puzzled theSam!! checked his Noggin'.
As oft times residual hot air can get trapped up there and fester, sit for days on end
contributing to Fuzzy thinking and glib spontaneous spouts of rhetoric.
Nope. all clear. In fact, their was no wax build-up at all in theEars.
theSam!! checked his Self-Esteem and his fragile Ego as they sat upon the Clothes dresser.
Nope. They weren't deflated or damaged at all.
So where oh where did the gunshot come from??
It never came from outside.
theSam!! was overwhelmed by a sudden panic rush and gingerly checked his jammie bottoms.
Nope, one subcompact Glock still rested in it's SmartCarry right next to Jr and theBoys.
"Whhaadd!!?? blinked Jr as he stirred from sleep for a moment then turned to slumber.
Nope, theGlock didn't misfire and neither did theOther one laying under the pillow close by.
It wasn't until theNext morning when theSam!! prepped his Mtn Bike to continue in that days
spoiler of theTour de Anc'Rage' that theSource of the gun shots sound was found.
You'll read about it next.
Heaven and Hell
In Anchorage you can find politeness and rudeness all within minutes of the Other.
Usually it's a local who's either saying hi to you, begging for a handout or else swearing at you.
And lately it was theBeggars stepping up to me and sticking their "1 penny only please"
Black markered card board signs in my face as I approached them and seeing that I gave no handout,
would vulgarize m very existence.
Usually I would pedal past them but last Monday, on a day off from work, I rode into Downtown
Anchorage and stopped in front of a popular bar / restaurant.
I chained my mountain bike to a nearby parking meter then I tied up my bicycle Gel-seat cushion
more firmly and tied down my foam bike helmet to the handlebars.
I quietly drank a couple of Cokes at theBar and set out to watch CNN tv on the wall, to read the news
ticker but a small petite woman walked in during commercial and smiled at me,
softly touching my arm as she sat down beside me.
She ordered a Bubbly drink of a dark color. It smelled strongly of Grape and anger.
Because behind the fruity scents of each libation that theBlonde drank I could smell and taste
the pure alcohol and for a moment I was back in theVillage struggling with an angry young man as his
sobbing girlfriend held her bleeding face.
I pushed those long dormant thoughts aside for a few hours while Mrs Married blonde
talked to me about her life.
She blushed at my compliments regarding her hair and figure. She got a sof perm last month and was
actually happy about the results. I smiled inwardly at her frequent use of "actually".
Because in some circles, liars habitually say the word to start their sentences, but I glanced around
and reminded myself that I was in a bar. That I was in a theater and was center stage with a fellow
thespian and that I was also in the audience watching the show. Be Somebody!!
She ran daily, had purchased new running shoes yesterday.
She once had dreams of being a pro Bodybuilder, she still lifted weights and watched what she ate.
"Like this??" I lifted a piece of chocolate to my mouth and she was amused at my focus on the morsel
until it disappeared under my nose. She cackled and grabbed my arm, squeezing it.
I took that moment as opportunity to state that as of late, I just lifted candy bars and pop as I drove
a Security Patrol route miming a preacher curl and putting a warm smile on my face.
We laughed much as she gushed about her children and about her big house in theValley.
Her only daughter was doing great in high school and was hoping for preMed college
study here at home at UAA before going to Texas and New York for graduate programs.
Her twin sons were competing with each other in separate summer sports,
each hoping to out do the other in Baseball and Soccer.
She seemed to have read my mind and said that, Yes, she drove a Mini van like all the other moms.
I looked at her checkbook wallet she opened for me.
Nice kids, Your daughter?? I asked.
She caught herself for a moment, squinted at the photos.
"that's theNanny, we had her till my boys were 6 yrs old, here she is." And we both looked
and pondered the family images for a moment.
I broke us out of our silent mood that we had somehow slipped into.
"A Valley-girl, really?! And so far from home?" I stirred the ice cubes in my glass.
Her Valley husband was flying in from Juneau that evening and her Mother had the kids for a few hours
Downtown at theMalls. She wanted time alone to eat a salad or nibble nachos, "to think and drink"
as she put it.
"How about another one?" she took my empty Coke glass, placed it on the bar and pushed it inward.
In a moment a young girl calmly appeared from chaotic rush of bartenders, bar backs, dishwashers,
servers and white-clad Chefs that was taking place behind the bar and she refilled my glass
with fresh ice and Coke before joining the fray.
Now adays you filled several drinks, pop and even water from just a couple of central plumbed
spigots. Like a heavy duty dish sink water hose with a tv remote attached to the back of it.
I recalled a few Summers ago when theAlaska Princess employed me.
I was down in theBasement of theLodge looking through a utilities workshop room for some item
thePrincess needed and I almost shot a fountain drink canister with one of my carried-concealed pistols.
I had no idea those canisters were in the Utes room when I heard a loud ""ffffsshhh!!"
erupt from the darkness behind me. Within that hour I had to let the evening Bartender into
that same room so she could change out pop canisters.
Gone are the good old days when bartenders mixed drinks, popped bottle tops off in front of you,
wiped down glasses with clean rags and recycled the drinking glasses to other customers until the
next big bar scufflaw happened and a mug, shot glass or pint jar was broken.
Presently my Coke glass sweated, I stirred the ice and could taste a hint of sweet fruit,
sour water or club soda, and spicy water melon and all that was just residual from the
one computerized Tap nozzle that filled my glass with sweet beverage.
Mrs Blonde swirled her pink drink and we continued talking until she had to go meet her mother and children.
"I won't drive, I promise!" she breathed on me and then she left.
She breathed words like many village females and a couple of men breathed out on me to appease
me and keep me from arresting them or from impounding their vehicles.
My lazy summer afternoon in theBar with a Friend for a Moment and a good steak dinner
afterwards was Politeness. I was in Heaven again in good clean female company. I liked that and
started to miss my Salon & Therapist days in Seattle.
After my Happy hours were over I would return to my Bicycle and find my sweaty, reflective-taped
up foam helmet stolen and some other items askew upon the bike frame.
And this took place on a busy street with Tourists flocking by, locals walking by along with
bar security sitting and standing just steps away from my bicycle.
Way to go Anchorage, how rude of you.
In addition to my helmet being stolen that day my Bike tire was flat.
I stood my Bike on end and slowly spun the deflated wheel.
A sliver flash of white caught my eye, stopping theTire spin I moved the silver into view
and my beady eyes focused upon a small Office sized paper staple.
Apparently I had just picked up that staple before stopping at theBar and the tire deflated
while I enjoyed merriment inside theEstablishment.
I walked another mile to a Gas station that had a reliable air hose and inflated the empty
bike tire.
The tire pressure held up for the duration of my ride back to my Apt.
After the tire went flat again I used a small can of GreenGoo fix-it and that inflated theTire
up to rock hard firmness.
For at least two days riding that GreenGoo held up until theTire suddenly deflated
as theBike sat in my bedroom.
My foot hung off the bed and was suddenly cooled by a Cold rush of air.
A few days later I walked the smooth sidewalks along theBlvd and felt comfortable with the
solid surface beneath my polished black shoes. But 10 paces more and I was brought up roughly
out of my concrete comfort zone at seeing spider vein like patterns in the sidewalk.
I could see where tree roots had grown for years, decades and had cracked the sidewalk and broken
through more recent applications of black tar Quick-Fix-It.
Reality speed bumps for me. Telling me that no matter how far mankind had progressed in Alaska,
Nature was just a few steps away and already making efforts to reclaim what once was hers to begin with.
A scarred face Native male had sat on a downed tree section just off the sidewalk and was watching
me approach him, an unfiltered Camel slowly burning in his fingertips.
He looked at me.
"Your friends are down there", he spoke softly.
Gesturing to the 1/4mile hill that I would descend, a shortcut through forest and over glacial
stream to reach the road that would take me to my work place.
Many times, there are volumes of information contained in a Cigarette-led gesture.
Followed by the puckering and pointing of hole forming lips that spew out a gray cloud of smoke.
I offered nothing to the Native male, no acknowledgment at all.
I didn't look at him directly, studied the rest of the sidewalk as I passed him,
counted the number of glass bottle fragments (23), heard the number of cars pass by at that
Moment on theBlvd (5) then I stepped onto the walking trail.
I reached the bottom of theHill without incident. Often one Inebriate pedals or stumbles from
the tree line to say hi to me or ask me a question, hoping to lead me into being friendly
and then they ask for $.
I walked another mile of bike trail and over small foot bridges and my senses took in all that
was around me. Two joggers paced by me in steady cadence.
Your friends are down there.
Where?
I subconsciously picked up a familiar foot beat from the chatting joggers and I was suddenly
on a small country backroads in West Tennessee humping my sore body behind a pack
of hungry young men.
The military Instructor would sing and we'd repeat it.
........"wad we gona do wen we get back!",
"take a showr 'n hit the rack!",
"no way!!, I'm runnin'!",
"PT, lots of fun!!" ...............
My lungs blistered from the humidty, the Cadence calling, my arms were numb.
And that was only in the first mile.
Our running group sang all the cadence songs of that 90's era as I'm sure there are new
running songs the military sings.
We sang popular heavy metal tunes, grunted, growled, screamed and howled and did it all in
120 to 124 beats per minute, full stride 4 to 8 miles a day.
We got to running a good 4 miles under 26 minutes after the first month.
Those 4 years in the Navy were both Heaven and Hell for me.
My Parachute Rigger classmates, most of them that signed up for SEAL's after PR school in TN,
had gone onto their Experiences. And I went onto mine in life.
During theNavy years couple of good girl friends left me at that time, other friends
turned their backs on me and I was left alone.
But in looking back on my Life till now, such experiences were necessary for me to get here in the
first place and I wouldn't change my life one bit if I could live it over again.
Heaven and Hell, Pleasure and Pain, Comfort and Dis are part of daily life. Do what you will with
each experience.
I walked further till I got to the Shipyards Creek that runs from Downtown and meanders through
still-standing forest and under several heavy duty well used bridges towards the North north-east.
I crossed the empty 6 lane street, passing several vehicles parked well off the road side.
and joined about 2 dozen other people watching the swift moving water below and counted 60+
Salmon that were were barely visible against the dark gravel bottom of the Shipyards Creek.
The tails and heads of the dark purple / crimson hued fish wagged endlessly back and forth
as each Salmon stayed in the same spot swimming against the swift cold current.
We were watching about 5 yrs of hard earned life coming to a close in the waters below.
One man talked animatedly to his family that those Salmon had traveled over 2,000 miles from
the Ocean and they still had hundreds of miles to go till they were home.
I thought about an analogy that my mind gleaned from seeing the fish swaying in the current.
Rest a little, You've come this far and look at what you've become.
Look at what you can still do and will do for others including yourself.
Rest.
I continued my walk to work and had a great swing-shift patrolling my assigned Security route
for theCompany.
That day my assigned company truck had a dead battery from someone in Night shift leaving the
Comms radio turned on and from the dome light switch being left on as well.
When I was driving a One-way street and got into an Optional Turn Right or Go Straight Lane
I opted to go straight and was cut off abruptly from the Left by an irate driver in a huge
pickup truck. It seems that the Pickup driver wanted to turn Right and would have crashed into
me.
Guess I was too focused with other things to worry about an impatient driver when I first
judged that particular intersection safe to proceed and the vehicles around me as being happy
in their lane choices.
At one commercial account I drove around the Bldg and observed a White man side-lying
on the pavement. A Native woman was standing over him.
I thought that she had either backed into him with her car causing him injury or else that I
had stumbled upon a Domestic Violence scene that ended in her favor.
I was wrong on both thoughts, as the Man dropped suddenly due to an epaleptic seizure
right there in the Parking lot.
I knelt by the Man and talked with him, kept his mind focused on being calm while the Native
woman called 9-1-1 and soon we could hear sirens. Within 5 minutes the Man was in
care of Municipal Fire fighters and Para Medics. "Thanks Skipper", he saluted me from
the ambulance litter.
We make good choices and bad choices and the consequences can be Heaven or Hell for
us and for those around us when we are either Polite or Rude.
--Authors Note..
theSam!! vehemently denies rumors of alleged sightings of him at donut shops while on duty.
Vanilla Steamers and sugar cookies is Where it's at!! he declares.
--------------
Public Opinion
You decide whether or not Village should be in our Lives.
Should we ban theVillage, period??
or should we keep Village legal?
Log onto http://alaskavillagetales.blogspot.com/
and leave your comments. No reasonable comments will be ignored and left unpublished.
As theSam!! is not about censoring anybody.
And speaking of censoring, as stated awhile back in previous Blog listings.
theSam!! mentioned that he was not about censoring anybody or anything, and related a "fitting"
analogy of seeing a published photo of britney spears.
Where theSam!! thought that the black mini skirt that she (britney) had on in the photo was actually
a black magic marker censor by the tabloid publishers.
Then theSam!! realized that the black mark actually was a mini skirt. Thus theSam!! could rightly
and intelligently say that... that. um.
(lost my train of thought)
Anyway,
Shall we keep theVillage or ban theVillage?
theSam!! will let You decide.
Some irate blog readers are furious at theSam!! already, and castigating his efforts publicly.
Some angry anonymous writers who Support and who Ban theVillage along with a
smattering of other City citizens had these things to say.
One email to theSam!! reads:
"You're a silly silly man.
How dare you write honestly about me and my family and about my village
which I secretly despise.
I hate myself and that's why I drink and run around and actually,
it's not you that I'm afraid of when I mention that "I'm afraid for our Children".
But it's me that I fear the most and I'm ashamed at not having stood up for my kids in the past.
Actually I'm thankful that you were here in our Village.
You did keep the bad people in check by speaking out against them,
by doing good things for us all and we really miss you.
Hurry back to see us soon!!
Besides, we're bored here without someone to gossip about and to character assassinate.
Luvs, Villager X"
And another irritated Villager left this phone text message.
"You should be banned indoors, outdoors and especially from this Village sir!
My trip Outside with my family and spending Council funds upon a Gambling spree and Mall shopping
is sanctioned by theChief and those vegetables we call theCouncil.
And speaking of Lettuce heads, remember Will's Son the Hoity toity Cabinet member that's
never here in the Village??
He went kind of soft and lost his Ice Burg crispness overnight, so rather than toss him out
we shredded him for the salad bar and ate him during last months Community Dinners.
We had fun on the Vacation trip though, besides, your sister needed some shades from the
Hot Vegas sun and I wanted a Casino T-shirt so thtpthphthptptht!!!! and your dear Mother
got another silly coffee mug for me.
Later dude, Your Native stepdad."
Another message was found taped to theSam!!'s apt door in Mtn View;
"I don't like the idea of having to go down to 3rd Ave or theSoup Kitchens just to Village for a moment.
I think that I should be able to just get down and Village right in the comfort and safety of my
own living room in my Joe boxers, Don't you think!!??
By the way, sorry for using all the hot water the other day before you went to work, oh oh!! and
could you get some more of that delish cheese cake I ate up the other day?? Sorry I didn't save you
a slice.
And sorry for making you throw up all your dinner after you caught me Villaging the other day.
Your roomie / Apt. mate."
A plane skywriter left this for theSam!!
"I'm a nonVillager and often go out into the Rural places just to experience Village life.
I think that I should be able to just have theVillage more closer to theCity so we can have it both ways.
For now I'm basically just stuck looking at your Blog on theNet, going to TentCity or listening to your
silly stories at wor.... wait.. wait scratch that... Don't say work.... NO.. damn it.. I said.."
One young man, who asked not to be identified for fear of Village reprisal stated to one of our public
roving reporters;
"I would really love to be able to go out into Public and not have that horrid thing called Village around.
It gets into your clothes, it's in your hair, it's in your life and I've even found it sleeping in my car after a
cold winter night. I think we should ban theVillage and just move on with our lives!!"
One patriotic Inebriate waved us down and after writing a hasty two word message for us,
in black marker upon his cardboard sign, we translated the following:
"Going Village is the right thing to do.
Village is a necessity, it's more than just cost of living issues, or health
issues and it certainly is beyond emotional and mental health issues.
Being, doing and saying Village things is a natural way of life.
I would not have my Village life here in theCity taken away one bit.
Keep theVillage!!"
Well, there you have it hot HOT!! off the press.
Various Alaskan people are now debating at whether we should ban Village from our daily lives or else
whether we should impose sanctions upon Village use, Village hours and basically all things Village.
Stay tuned at http://alaskavillagetales.blogspot.com/ for more news regarding all things Village.
Upcoming News and Blog postings.
theSam!! defends his absence,
from theVillage at time of theIncident.
Did theSam!! get a Permit?
Live feeds from our Rural reporters regarding Combat Village,
Red season opens up today!
More Village Horoscopes,
find your answers in theStars!
Village Classifieds!!,
buy, sell or just junk the damn thing here
Village Sirens out of Jail and into theRecording Studio,
a Dae-ya, Cass & Jewels lead theGirls onward
As theVillage Turns!!
new season, new lineup, new Village Officer!!
theSam!!'s 2006
100 days of Village
--------------
More Village Ism's
-Support local Village!! buy local, better yet, steal!!
-theVillage?!
denying the severity of theProblem-in fact, denying that
there is a Problem.
-Village Public Safety
Nobody beats our Village like our Officers
-YVC Inc (so?!!)
What the COOL Villagers are doing
-Adopt a Village today!!
-Don't Village naked! at least put a Pasty on.
-theVillage Experience Live Theatre
Advance tickets on sale now!!
-the *hiccup* VVViillliiddgge
comfortably numb
-Honey, I shrunk theVillage!!!! problems
-Honey, I Blew up theVillage!!!! problems
-That Village Show
-My 3 Villages
-YVC Inc (doh!!) Nether region
now Color coded for easy Village finding and to see
which Village is right for you.
-thePublic Safety Series: a newly revised 2006 edition of
Village for Dummies.
with authentic field notes from theSam!!, love notes from
his many female suitors in theVillage and a few hate
messages from theVillage Council transcribed from tape!
Sam-On!!
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