Village Girls Gone Wild

theSam!!
Certifiable

theSam!!
models available in Carharts, denim and now polyester!!

theSam!!
all that and then some.

theSam!!
born to be Mild

theSam!!
visit him on theWeb at http://alaskavillagetales.blogspot.com/
He promises not to keep you up past 9pm local time.

theSam!!
world reknowned....er. At least World traveled.

theSam!!
use your PFD dividend today!!

theSam!!
far out in front.... and sort of to the right a bit.....ok ok, he's wwaaayy out there.

theSam!!
some day everyone will look back at this and laugh nervously before changing
the subject.

theSam!!
only one hour from Downtown Anchorage, until he fixes his bike tire flat.

theSam!!
welcoming new Blog readers everywhere.

theSam!!
exposing more people to 2nd hand Village than any other villager in Alaska.

theVillage??
still for Sale.

theVillage?!
Village for everyone and everyone from a Village.

theVillage?!
a Village is a village until you dress it up,
but in theCase of a few Village hotties, they're best dressed down & face down.

theVillage!?
is being relocated due to Road Construction.
You'll find us just 8 miles further on up theRoad this summer when driving through.
Enjoy the fine scenery for another 8 miles until theAngst begins for an 8 mile stretch.
Easy Acess!! Free Parking!! No Crowds!! 100% Sam free!!

General Store Market features this week:
Lettuce, turnips, radishes and bagels. But enough about theVillage Council!!

Also at the open markets:
-gun smithing, knife sharpening from our resident DV/ domestic violence experts (those out on Parole)
-nursery stock, herb plants composting tips from our resident THC experts
(those out of Jail, or a spouse (ha!!) boy/girl friend of an expert)

theVillage??
dispirited, disenchanted, one-dished and dissed.
More left-overs than full meal.

theSam!!
still on an extended leave of absence.

theSam!!
a Jug of Milk, a stale loaf of bread and all theCheesecake he could want in his fridge!!

theSam!!
send your Village questions to theSam!! c/o alaska village tales!!

theSam!!
get more from your Village experience without ever leaving your home.
New 360deg. virtual tours, photos of theVillage from the safety of your easy chair.

theVillage!!
what's in it for you? Absolutely nothing!!
We discriminate against Whites, our own Native population and against Other Natives too.
We get Federal funds and then siphon off most revenue for ourselves leaving most of our
Village needy without and in want.

This is what we do. This is who we are.
We set up local cooperatives, corporations and consortiums that only serve a select few in
power even though these entities ascribe to helping Everyone.

We fight against progressive ideas unless it's us that thought of these things in the first place.
We fight to keep our sons and daughters out of jail, away from being accountable for any crimes they may have committed.

When State laws work for us, we support them. When State laws go against us, we hate theWhiteman.

We wallow in our past and could care less about our childrens future.
We cry foul but turn around and make victims of ourselves and others around us.

This is what we do. This is who we are.
We are Villagers.

We are losing our Past, we are losing our Heritage year by year as our young people leave us for the
White world and never look back upon their Noble birthrights.

We are losing our future as our young people lose themselves to Alcohol and other Drugs.
We lose our young people when they cripple themselves or kill themselves from Drug use and careless
living.

We see these things and then blame everyone but ourselves for our problems.
This is what we do. This is who we are.

theSam!!
only 1 more remaining, a Must see Ladies!!
Quiet and secluded model available.
You are guaranteed safe and secure with this one, full medical and full security package built-in.
How-To manual and mail in rebates offers still in the works.
theSam!!, More than you expect and quite frankly more than You deserve.

theSam!!
hi!! It's me theSam!! and I wanna be your next blog experience.
Log onto Village tales and read all about it.
vote for me theSam!!

theSam!!

(this space left blank cos I couldn't think of anything to put here)


Your Village Called Inc (doh!!)
Product: E Blog
Scene: Drama, comedy, fiction based on Real events.
Take: 1145 and counting
Roll: cinamon, caramel w/nuts and often glazed like the glassy eyes of an inebriate.
Date: July 2006
Sound: whispers to a shout.
Director: an ex stripper that graduated Cinematography school
Cameraman: You
.............."and Action!!"

Reflections

YVC Inc had often used 3 trustworthy charter companies to ferry
it's employees and associates to and from theVillages.

She hated to fly and often fought back the urge to vomit when waiting at each
Villages airstrip for a vehicle into the community or else she got sick in anticipation waiting for the plane to arrive.

She had just left theVillage on the dual engine 20 passenger Sky Chief aircraft
and was using the remaining 90 mins of power on her Laptop to adjust the Story lines
that she had culled from various people that day after flying from Village to Village.

Soon she would be back in theCity.
Showers!!
Running tap water, Cold foods. Hot foods.

But City life didn't even come close to the realities of Village events.
She continued to recall the funny captions to pass the time away as
she typed up her stories drawn from the Notes she'd taken.

From the time when she "came from theVillage"had visited theCity life,
had seen the sights and heard the sounds and tasted all the opportunities
she delighted in the civilization of it all.

Yet looking back years later upon her life and seeing how she had turned out
she often wondered why she even left the simpleness of her home Village
that was nestled in theArctic Valley far to the north of theCity.

Life there was simple and hard.
Chopping one's own firewood,
taking a sled-dog team far out into the Woods each winter.

To her Native self and her White-world educated mind
two words stood out from each other and yet they meant the same;
Existence and Subsistence.

A turbulence bump at 8,000 feet brought a growl from her stomach
and she realized that she must have been deep in thought to forget that she hated to fly
because she motion sickened most easily.

The drone of the twin turbo props on either side of the aircraft were comforting in their presence, so necessary to the survival of everyone onboard. Should one engine give out the Navajo Chief would still fly on the one remaining engine.

She looked out the plexiglass window at the breath taking mountainous landscape beneath.

As far as the horizon she saw mountains in every direction
and for a brief moment she was extremely cold.

She quickly swallowed in fear and quietly shivered in her denim jeans,
V-Top hoodie and fleece vest.

For a moment she was "Out there" on the Ice fields walking over endless cold.

She thought of the many funerals she had attended throughout her life and slowed her
Ice-crunching pace to match the sounds of Clod earth fallen steadily from the hand
of many Villagers.

As it was custom for Mourners to scoop up some earth and toss it into the Grave of the
deceased.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

She imagined herself in her own icy grave-only theVillagers were tossing clumps of
Ice and snow upon her body covering her-trapped under Ice.
She looked up to the Sky above, saw a small aircraft flying over head and lowered her gaze.

A glance at her feet was comforting because the aircraft floor felt solid beneath her boots
when suddenly a piece of the gray carpeted floor fell out and was quickly swept away by the wind.

She sucked in an icy cold breath and lurched forward to get away from the chasm
of space that opened beneath her and she let out a whimper.

Her temple hit the hard plastic lined aircraft window and she startled to realize
that she had been sleeping and dreaming and everything was fine.
The Navajo Chief plane was ok, she was ok and everyone else in the plane
around her was sleeping or resting eyes closed.

"What makes you think of your experience?" theGuide softly scratched his goatee.

He looked like a Hippie from the 1960's,
at least from what movies and news footage that she saw from her Journalism studies.
They had long hair and scraggly beards and wore bandanas with tie-dyed shirts
and most wore sandals yet he wore soft fit jeans and an untucked polo shirt with his birken sandals.

"When ever I'm not on the ground" she exhaled and fought back an eye full of tears.
"I was watching my little baby Niece yesterday and played hide and seek with her,
she toddle all over the apartment and then hid behind the sofa".

"At first I knelt down on the sofa cushions reaching behind the sofa and teasing little Marcie, then I stood on the cushions and leaned over one side of the sofa,
as little Marcie started to run away from behind the sofa it hit me at that moment
that I wasn't on the ground and ... and..." she buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

She heard the soft whiffing sounds as theGuide tugged out a couple squares of
tissue paper from the box on his desk, "here".
She took the tissue and blew her nose.

A few minutes later she continued speaking.
"I have to keep looking back behind me, at my feet to see if the ground or floor is there.
I'm not focused on what is ahead of me, I'm concerned about what is under me and behind me."

TheGuide glanced at his field notes and at the photocopied official documents faxed and mailed from theState and theMilitary Guard helo pilots.
Most of the narratives that he read were dry and factual but now and then
a certain paragraph caught his attention.

As she kept talking to him, he followed the narrative
of Flight Warrant Officer Wrens and First Officer Miller.
"3 hrs into assigned 20 mile grid search I was on (looking through)
the LensFLIR (the Infra Red) looking at the land 2 miles below our search plane
when theLens detected an isolated heat source for a few seconds then the display went cold".
(I detected heat then it dissappeared)

"I set a WayPoint (marked the area where I last saw theHeat source)
and notifed FWO Wrens and he swung the bird (the aircraft) around
for another pass of the area. As we made a second pass of the area below us
I once again detected a small heat source and it was moving".

"I captured (focused in on) the subject (the heat source) and zoomed in on it
and I observed that it was a human shape walking, stumbling.

I quickly took some photos and about 10 seconds of video and
could barely discern long hair being tossed about by the wind".

"A quick radio check to other Air and Ground searchers revealed
that no search personnel were in this particular area and we radioed
for the MAST helo to check it out. MAST went to look and we continued searching
our assigned 20mile grid, when 20mins later the MAST helo confirmed
the subject I had detected was indeed the Young Lady that we all were looking for".

"I quietly punched the air "YES!!!"

"We got her!! She's alive!! Let's go home!!" was all MAST said.
"From my experience in doing many Search and Rescue missions with MAST,
if they make no more radio calls, that's a good sign....."

The Guide thumbed ahead a few pages.
The MAST helo crew had even more interesting words of describing their contact with the young lady.

MAST couldn't land because of small cracks in the glacier
that loomed to their left and the young woman on their right
was walking towards the open fissures.

Seeing that they had seconds to save the young woman theMAST crew quickly sprang to action.

One of the MAST crew quickly slid a side door on the helo open
as a ParaMedic snapped into a rescue harness then stepped out onto
the side skids then leaned forward rappelling down face first as the helo descended.

As the helo dropped lower and lower the small cracks got bigger and bigger
and the Young Lady kept on walking oblivious to her surroundings.
She glanced up at theMAST helo once but didn't stop walking.

ParaMedic Bines never stopped talking to the helo pilots as he slid down the rope.
"Left, left, down, gooood.. 30'.
doowwn...down, keep going, down, 20. down...10',.... Got her!!"
HOIST!!

The Paramedic had swung down upside down
and grabbed the Young Woman with his arms around her knees.

As she tripped and fell forward he grabbed her upper body with his legs and held on tightly.
She was cold to touch but her walking movements were a good sign that she was alive.

After theMAST crew hoisted theParaMedic and the Young Woman safely into the helo
thePM sat quietly for a moment then shook his head in disbelief.
A female ParaMedic had sincetaken over care of the YW,

"What happened?", Flight Chief helped the ParaMedic out of his rescue harness.
"oh man... as soon as I touched her knees..... theSECOND I touched her.
the Ice beneath her feet dropped out. I saw blue and white clear ice for about 10' down then just black..."
Just in time too.

Another page of medical evals from the female ParaMedic, then this...
"After subject warmed up and could move on her own more freely
she looked out the window of theHelo and started motioning.
As if to say that we forgot something important to her,
or she acted in a manner as to suggest that we had just left other People out there on the ice."

"Soon the Young Woman was mouthing audible words,
'don't leave them, I saw them, don't leave.. they showed me where to go.
Wait!! don't leave them please!!'"

"This activity kept up for the duration of our flight home
and did temporarily cease after the Young Woman accepted intake of hot liquids, broth.
Then she got even more vocal.
She had friends out on the mountain and didn't want to leave them".

"Just to be sure of the identity of the woman that we found
we confirmed with her-her name and home village, age, date of birth, employer etc.

And once again confirmed with Base HQ that we indeed were looking after only one (1)
Native female in her early 20's and that there were no other participants from
her recovery group outing, that were also missing.
Everyone in her Recovery Group, and all Camp participants were accounted for".

Back at Base, one of the old time Volunteers stood by and watched the MAST crew
wheel the Young Woman into theHangar.

This old man was in his 60's but when he was younger
he used to fly with SAR in the early 1970's and 1980's.

And there was something about theYoung Woman's story of the People she saw
on theMountain that drew his attention. More specifically, it was 2 names that she spoke of.

She kept saying Michelle.
Most people thought it was a ghost of a female climber named Michelle,
but Michelle really was a man's name in French.
It's also the pronunciation of the name in English made it sound like "Michelle".

And the 2nd name an Asian name that roughly translated into WatersFall to us
but at first everyone at Base thought theYW was talking about waters
and seeing lakes, streams, water falls etc.
No... it was an Asian climber that dissappeared up in the Mountains in the late 1980's.

His grandfather and father were swordmakers in Japan.
And they had personally made WatersFall his own set of Ice Axes,
climbing pitons and boot cleats.

They beat the steel thousands of times but didn't make it too hard.
Ice Axe makers in France, Italy produced the best axes in the world followed by Sweden and Japan.

Because Ice does have stability and strength until you force it too hard.
The OldTime Volunteer recalled being up on theMtn once and rappelling into a wide chasm glacier.

Just as his rope allowance reached it's maximum and he couldn't slide down anymore
he noticed some pitons wedged into the ice wall about 40' down and
an ice axe sticking out of the wall at an odd angle.

In climbing circles when you set up a sleep platform hanging off a wall
you set your anchor pitons in a square pattern and tie yourself to two separate pitons
in case your platform/bed/camp falls out from under you and you never let go of your axes either.

An overhang of ice and snow broke loose and swept theAsian off the wall, down and out of sight.
The OldTime Volunteer had then broken some climbing rules in advancing down the Wall to retrieve the ice axe.

The OldTime Volunteer had brought back only 2 items off the Mountain in his extensive SAR career.
A tattered hood off a jacket that belonged to Michelle and one ice axe that belonged to theAsian.
The rest of the SAR missions the OldTime Volunteer had brought back live people, dead bodies
or at times nothing at all.

She looked over some of her stories that week.
Interior Alaska
Village Council killed as 3rd Story floor gives way.
Chels Talker, RaveReporter/A TensionWhore, theVillage, YVCInc doh!! villagepress newswire, VNN, to all news feeds.

Highlands Village, Alaska.
A hole suddenly gaped in the middle of a building, occupied by
Central Highlands Council center/KitchEN Store/Hostel for InebriaTes,
Tuesday beneath a group of jaw-jacking Village Council members,
dropping theNoise-makers 25 feet to their doom in an avalanche of rubble
that once was theStorage closet for their VPSO.

Killed in theDeluge were;
3 Council-men,
4 Council-women,
theHighlands mascot an old beat-up 2 gallon gas can dubbed "Huffy"
that was half full of unleaded fuel with the spout plugged up by an old worn hanky,
"Socks" theVillageChiefs mongrel Chihauhau-Shitzu cross house dog,

and many Cockroaches and other vermin that had taken shelter beneath
theBuilding that once housed CHiCKenSHIT or as many teary-eyed Villagers
standing by put it- "the Coop", as the Village affectionately called the old leaning structure.

The 3rd story structure, built in the early 1950's atop an old camp site Outhouse
that marked the first stakeout for the Village site, may have been actually sitting atop a centuries old spur off theNotmine Fault that runs afoul of the well known Ann nDreas fault line which extends a crooked "finger tip" from CA up North to where else?? Alaska!!

And this "finger-pointing" had all the UAA/F scientists, Celebrity Anthros
and Jeapordy buffs nation wide alike sparring with each other as to exactly WHERE
the Ann nDreas fault fist pointed for the last 200,000 yrs in conscernation.

Now we Know where.
Why?? is the next question.....but we'll leave such things to another column.

The half Century old 8 foot deep hole was said by many locals (now deceased)
as well as those living still to never ever fill up inspite of being the repository
of countless dumps and waterings left by locals and passers-by alike.

And once again, like the Ann nDreas Fault that one day aeons ago decided to
judge and balled up her shaking fist and accused an entity to theNorth,
we too can now collectively do and say the same of our predecessors for
inadvertently softening and weakening theGround under the early Outhouse
thus setting future inhabitants of the old camp site grown Village up for death and injury.

I say injury because not everyone involved in theVillage Council structure rectal prolapse was killed.

Luckily, some Village Council members present at theTable of discord,
when heated debate took place hours minutes and seconds before theFall-were spared
loss of Life but were dealt injuries from Seriously Life Threatening to just a few tiny scratches.

He Said-She Said
One spokesman, Leah Danny stated to YVC Inc (doh!!)/VNN correspondent Chelsea S. Talker,
"From the Front...er. North East of theVillage things looks just absolutely normal......
if theVillage can ever be classified as 'Normal'
and if things ever DID look normal since the first shovels full of muskeg,
dirt and rocks started the madness that I presently say looks normal..."

An irreverant thought crossed the Crew Soundman's mind when Chelsea's eyes started to glaze over.
"Chelsea S. Talker stares dumfounded at Villager Dannee
with "Just Be U" brilliant-glossed Botox enhanced lips
and a soft foundationed Blushy Pink blank expression
smeared across her pretty AK Native face that would do
any Village stoner proud and be the envy of any
loin draining Bukkake party".

The Crew Soundman moved forward a bit and stepped to the Side
with his directional microphone and continued to privately do Play-by-Plays of her in his head.

After all, he wasn't focused on much else when they were working together like this.
He had to make her sound good and he also had to record every whisper,
every shout by her and also from the People she talked to.

*Peterz theCameraman steps forward and nudges Chels' printed Capri
draped taut thigh with his Wolverine workboot, bringing theHot Native
newswoman back to present circumcis...stances and Chels rebounds
with a lively quick step gait to theNearest intelligent looking Villager with the words...*

"AAbbbsooolutely Normal and then in theMiddle of theVillage is this enormous sink hole!"
*her lips quiver as theLine explodes from her lungs and mind in unison.*

Drawing a quick breath and muttering under her tongue,
"actually the whole village is one enormous asshole!!"
as she tosses her Salon hair waiting for her Crew entourage to catch up to her.

Behind the Scenes
"SSSSsstttt!!!" hisses Mike theSoundman
as he cradles his boom mike and points it always in Her direction.

He was always mindful to keep his distance as Defined in the Court Ordered
5 yr Restraining Order imposed upon him by Shell stalker 2 yrs ago
yet always watchful to catch her every Onscene word, utterance
and even her every after hours yelp, whimper and moan from her dallyances
with her Men-of-theMoment.

Mike understands theFine line between personal opinions aloud
and on air copy that could denegrate theVixen herself and cast her story
subjects in a bad light. Besides, his paycheck depended on working
with her and making her sound good.

"We're still rolling and Engineers are going to have a fit brushing over your verbiage slip",
was the Clift notes version of what he meant. Mike motioned his fingers in a rolling circle
and pulled on an imaginary beard sideways finishing with a curt Wave-off with one hand.

Such nuances in sign language and eye contacts synched with various
word mouthings helped detail paragraphs of instructions, warnings, encouragement
betwixt the News anchor vixen and her crew.

Chels just barely parted her lips and clicked her front left incisors together,
"Bite me!!", the action shouted back at Mike.

Then she barely waved 4 fingers at her side as if to say to some imaginary person
walking past her-telling them "after you please, you go ahead first".

But Mike caught theWarning to keep away from her,
as she did let theJudge impose an additional Work Condition upon her
former lover Mike to keep away at least 10' from her during work hours because
she didn't want the poor man to lose his means of living from her slapping the RO on him.
It was a fleeting thought for a second.

How weird can that be?, to order someone to keep away yet let them be near.
Only in Alaska!!

It took Chell and Mike only 3 seconds to communicate all this as she sized up
her next interviewee theVillage Safety Officer.

Strong,
Disciplined,
Unafraid.

All good descriptors of this Officer and others of his kind yes.
But at the moment he didn't look too intelligent.
He looked more like he'd been beaten by every Villager and awaited such punishment from her.

"I was in theOffice finishing up the report from the snowmachine
and 4 wheeler dissappearances last year to this late Winter and I was typing
and half listening to theCouncil shouting upstairs.."

"Shouting!??" interjected Ms Waxed Eyebrows and she lifted a brow to theCamera.
Mikes mental play-by-play verbiage was getting the best of him as he listened to her speak in his headphones.

"What happened?", she coaxed theOfficer by stepping into his personal space
and stood elbow to elbow with him.
"Why don't you just drop his pants right now!??" Mike shouted in his head.
He could hear the VPSO breathe and then swallow hard.

Guiding Hands
Goodness he was tall! She hoped that her spritz of Fake Diamonz cologne upon
her microphone holding hand and wrist wasn't weakening since she first applied it 14 hrs ago or in other words; 8 various interviews, 2 structural fires, 3 jail/correctional center visits and 1 dog yard visit later until theCharter plane hustled her and theBoyz out to theVillage at 1900hrs to wrap up her day with this Village tragedy.

She discovered by trial and error that men were drawn to Visual and scented stimulation out in lonely places like theVillage. Her first inspiration for the strategic placing of perfumes and of her glammed up femme self into the Minds of the males was due to the fact that one of her grade school teachers way back in her childhood Village days used to pat the heads and shoulders of his students that stood within immediate reach.

There was nothing sinister at all about Teacher Wimby's actions to theKids.
He was well liked and everyone was sad to see him leave theVillage,
after 8 yrs of shaping and lifting the minds and lives of his school charges,
to return to New York to take care of his aging parents and his Auntie.

"Do something good with your lives" was Teacher Wemby's mantra to theKids.
And pig-tailed, brace faced Chelsea would smile up at him as his hand contacted her shoulder, squeezed for a moment and then his hand would move onto the next child ruffling up Native hair or quietly adjusting a turned out shirt collar on a boy, praising a Native choker or gold chain on a girl.

Besides, Chelsea liked the way his hands smelled, so clean and soapy.

It was Wemby's way of sensing which of his Village kids had been recently beaten or abused by an adult.
If a child winced or moved away from him, it was time to investigate.

His 1st child abuse case he uncovered was indeed a mountain to move
but the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weren't so hard to have people believe as he spread the word around the Village.

After that, theKids were left alone by their potential abusors or theAbusers left theVillage for the time being.

Teacher Wimby left theVillage knowing that he did what was best for theKids.

Ripples in a Pond
And good people like him lived on in the lives of his charges,
half of which did move away from theVillage and experience LIFE and all it's aches and pains.

Only 3 of his kids moved back to theVillage to continue theAbusive cycle of Alcoholism and dysfunction and to be totally criminal.

The rest, like Chessie, who changed her name to a catchy phrase "Shellsee Stalker"
after she decided on Journalism as a career in College, did move on and fell down a bit, but did get back up, learn from mistakes and grew up.

Teacher Mitch Wimby was sad but happy to know that during Chessie's
stint in Alcohol Recovery Camp North of theVillage by theMountains
she did write letters to people that influenced her life for good,
he was one of the recipients of those letters.

He was genuinely frightened later on when reading theState Troops
and Civil Air patrols daily news feeds of their air and ground searches
when Chessie got lost on a group Winter hike in the Mountains east of the Recovery Camp.

5 miles became 10, 10 became 20 and soon she flat out decided to head for
theCity lights that she saw at night. She traveled at night and slept in the daytime.

From her descriptions of the Mountains, searchers surmised that she crossed two
very unstable glaciers (at night!) and during the last two days of her journeys she swore up
and down that two Hikers walked with her and told her where to cross
and where to climb and where to descend.

In the last 40 yrs, 11 mountaineers and adventurists dissappeared in that region
of theMountains and only 3 of them were East European and 1 was Asian.

Chessie's hikers spoke animated French and the other quietly intoned in an Asian accent, she said while coming down off her fever in the hospital.
The ice beneath her feet would drop away to blackness sometimes after she stepped away, she insisted to everyone.

But Teacher Wemby had faith in her because he and the 2nd & 6th grade teachers
did help teach theVillage kids some of their OWN Cultures survival techniques
when None of theVillage Elders would or Did not come to theSchool and instruct
theKids on such matters during the Alaska Natives month when Chessie was in the 6th grade.

Thank God times have now changed for most of theVillage children today!

Dig deep for the grass in winter, go under the small trees and break off theDry small stuff for fire making.

Break bigger green branches for bedding and interlace them for shelter and pack the gaps with snow.

Carry spare snow pack boot laces to make a bowdrill for fire making or better yet,
carry spare matches or steel & flint with you as cigarette lighters don't work when they get cold.

All the kids groaned when they were made to find suitable wet saplings that wouldn't break.
One other Village girl who's name eluded him..... Jewels?? or July??

A bright articulate girl that had promise but ended up boozing and slutting
around theVillage region and another boy who got shot & killed out on theFlats
one summer during a drinking party and of course Chessie did listen
and do what they were told that week in school.

Those three children impressed the Teachers by actually Making makeshift snow
shoes of willow and bootlaces and wearing them out of sight into the Woods
behind the school that one day long ago. Gone for hours they were!!

Wemby would amuse his mothers friends and their children and grandchildren
with such sad yet fun stories of his Alaska ventures.

Intuition
Chelsea quietly sniffed the air in front of her and took it all in visually- the recent places and things the Officer had been around and what he had done.

A smear of blood on his right BDU pants pocket,
probably shot & disposed of some dogs yesterday or before
and would wear the same pants for a week before changing into clean ones.
That's the way one of her ex Boyfriends who was still a VPSO did things in his village.

No water and no time to really tend to self, Just looking after the rest of theVillagers. Such busy Officers barely had time to eat and sleep when things got busy.

Ketchup and mayo on his lapel. she smelled burning charcoal briquets
when her crew first stepped off the Charter aircraft only 10mins earlier
and that was 2 miles from theVillage at the Airstrip!

Someone was obviously cooking meats and hot dogs
and out of Village obligation-did invite theOfficer to eat with them.

Smooth shoulder area and matching creases along the upper arms and horizontal above the mid-waist.
This man would take his BDU top off and fold it neatly while laying down to rest.

Sleeping while wearing his BDU pants-wrinkling them up.
Probably unbuckled his belt too. Just like her ex boyfriend did.
And just like the Officer did in service overseas with boots loosely
unlaced and open wide on the floor, ballistic vest and war bag nearby in the chair.

Did they teach that at the State Academy or did it just come with theVocation?
Like her small make-up compact and a couple of spare blank CD rom discs
that doubled for a mirror as she rode boring flights to and from theCity
out to each Village and back.

Just industry tricks that she learned to play over the years
when space and weight were bare minimums on the charter flights.

She noted that of all the 27 Officers in her region that she visited,
at least 16 of them had prior military experience of some kind
and of that 8 of them walked and moved the same way no matter their build and stature.

Smooth, quiet, observant and their bullet vests and pants always had small
slight bulges and shapes under the fabric as to suggest a surprise of a deadly kind hidden beneath.

She never brought up the subject, not even with her ex boyfriend
when she used to live with him during the few short years
when she was Health Aide in her home Village.

As he would quietly arm himself and prepare and practice for that day
when some Villager would come hunting for Him.
They all moved like that and acted the same.

She quietly smiled when one day in a Northern village she saw one
VPSO remove a small blue sealed box of Milk from the front pocket
space of his Ballistic Vest, he reached inside theVest further to his side
and fished out 2 Poptart foils.

She quietly refused his offer of sharing with her,
citing that she hated plane rides and was still feeling queasy-didn't want anything in her stomach.
She really was feeling too sick to notice the Officer in detail
but he looked familiar, like she had met him earlier that year.

She almost cracked up with laughter when some village Kids
come by and the Officer quietly produced 5!! separate candy bars
and 9 kids went away eating chocolate.

She dared not step up and ask for a Kotex as that month she
was flowing heavy and running low on pads and she was two days
away from returning back to theCity and wasn't feeling so fresh at that time.

The Officer was obviously prepared for carrying food because
he then later untucked a large Ziploc baggie and placed the half-finished
milk box inside, tucked it together neatly like wrapping a Christmas
present then carefully tucked it inside his Vest (standing up!!).

She glimpsed a large black handle-like object behind his fingertips
as he gripped the stout YKK zipper and some fabric to close up theVest
and a small black pistol clip fell down from inside,
only the top barrel-like bullet in the clip stack did she glimpse.

It was so small and colored yellow with a silver casing.
Days later she discovered that it was a variant of the Winchester Silver
tips in hollow point and at over $25 a box-very expensive.
No wonder some Officers responded so quickly in their Villages
to Gun Calls and other Violent threats.

Because they were prepared for the worst and would only do
theWorst when left with no other choice in protecting the Lives of
other Villagers or to protect their own lives.
She loved them and considered them as men and women to
be respected much, probably more than the Alaska State Troops.

Chelsea continued her 5 second assessment of the Officer in front of her.
After shave, probably came from a small white bottle with a ship logo
and she smelled.....*sniff*

Cookie dough??
An old college room mate of hers wore a musk that had a base
that smelled like rising yeast in bread dough or cookie dough.
Probably the Officers deodorant clashing with the after shave.

She glanced around the scene of the Collapsed Building
and saw 3 Native children that loitered more closely than the rest
of theVillagers or even the Children for that matter.

Probably theOfficers Girlfriend's kids or his kids.
If they were, then he had running water, clean clothes and scented ointments to wear.
Clean uniform, as clean as clean could stay in a dirty Village
almost 200 miles from theCity but dirty black boots.

He wasn't afraid to get dirty.
She wondered where men like this were when she was a
child because no one did anything close to what these Officers did for their Village Children.

ShotGun
It was 3 summers ago when she was dropped off at an isolated
airstrip with another Intern from YVC and they were to meet up
with a boat ride down theRiver to theFish Camps.

Chelsea was still drinking heavy at that time and was just downing
a bottle of whiskey when she heard a boat motor coming.

Her friend threw the empty bottle into the under brush and the girls got
all giggly and happy for the occasion because Always ALWAYS on
excursions like this out in the wild. Never ever did women travel to meet them,
it was always guys. Guys to talk with, flirt with and on occasion to tryst with.

The VPO that stepped off theFlat bottomed boat was in his late 40's.
He smiled and talked with the girls as theDriver/Villager loaded up their small
clothes bags and then loaded up the boxes of requested supplies from the
Alcohol Recovery Camp that they were to make a run by.

Soon they were bouncing and leaning with the boat as the Driver expertly
turned and skimmed past the banks and fallen trees that jutted out from the banks and up from below.
An hour passed and then hour two, the boat must have been speeding along at 50mph,
the wind off the bow made noise as it passed the ears,
you had to shout to each other to communicate at those speeds.

Soon they arrived at a much bigger River that churned fiercely
and the troughs that dipped were as deep as ditches by the road side.
This marked the beginning of another hour boat ride until they came upon the Recovery Camp.

All four stepped off the boat and Chels and her friend were starting
to feel the euphoric effects of drinking as they were unsteady on their feet.
But they didn't worry much because everyone walked unsteady
after the long boat ride, stiff legs, cold muscles and some Villagers were motion sick.

Both girls talked with and interviewed several Villagers from around
theRegion and took pictures to immortalize the event.
Then after their Officer guides had finished fueling up the boat and were ready
to continue south to theFish Camps the girls said goodbyes to everyone.

Another hour of bouncing and leaning and of being cold upon the
1/2 mile wide angry, Glacial cold River theGirls were soon delivered safely to
the 2nd cluster of Tents that marked the YVC Inc (doh!!) group that was
already busy preparing a late night supper over the fire.

Chels and her Internships friends were hastily assigned to go out with
2 Granma's and Chelsea was selected to be armed to provide Bear & Moose
protection as all the men were currently busy so the VPO that escorted
Chels on the River, stepped away and returned with a small heavy shotgun.

"We went out early today and loaded up some 5 gal buckets with berries and hid them.
We'll go back for them, only 20 min walk" one Granma sniffed at Chelsea and her friends
before stepping into the Woods and blending into the foliage.

Their attentions were drawn from the Granma to the Shotgun in the VPO's hands,
this Officer too moved quietly and with purpose.
*click click*
He racked the pump slide (just like theMovies) and a short clear see-through shell fell out of the shotgun.

Chels picked up the shell and read to herself.
"Sabow??, S-A-B-O-T" and looked at theVPO.
The shell was like a mini garbage can without the Lid.

"Do that Once and pull the trigger.
Do this 8 times and the gun is empty.
Reload like this".....and theVPO loaded up 8 Sabot shells underneath into the shotgun.

The Officer continued in a stern voice,
"Safety is here, To your RIGHT-Safe. To your LEFT-you can Fire.

A quick glance from the Other Officer / Boat Driver who then
turned & walked away made the VPO change his mind.
"No....Forget the pumping".
He flicked a small lever underneath the Receiver and spoke again.

"If there's a threat and you need to shoot.
Pump it once and pull the trigger up to 8 times then reload like I showed you.

This shotgun can be used Manually or it can Auto-load and D-O-N-T lose it
or 'Mr PopTarts' will make us both dissappear because You lost or damaged his shotgun!

The Safety switch is the same, Ok??"

"Yes, I got it". Chelsea took the shotgun and slid her Left arm into
the sling and around her right neck.

She adjusted the Shotgun as it hung off to her left side.
She put a handful of extra shells in her coat pockets.
The weight of the shells, the weight of Reality settling upon her
and her friend as their alcohol buzz slowly left them at that moment.

It wasn't until over a year later during that one visit to theVillage when
she was offered treats out of a Ballistic Vest that she realized who theShotgun
she carried belonged to and his nickname in theVillage wasn't 'PopTarts'.

As she walked away a voice behind her commented.
"Honey was like that when she fell off the Boat last month and we still haven't found her body".

She didn't look back, it was probably theDriver that spoke.
They knew that she and her Intern friend were drinking and were really buzzed
but they let them off without getting them into trouble and she never saw those
Officers the rest of that Summer after they returned theGirls back to the Airstrip pickup point.
______

theSam!!
a Bridge to NoWhere, or at least a winding Village road to somewhere that's not important or understood.

SamOn!!
Fast as fast can be....You'll never Catch me!!
But words spoken too soon as theSam!! was taken Hook, Line and Sinker
for a Moment by Ms Fishman at theSpawnGroundz, a trendy sand-dive bar.
It was Catch & Release that day.

theSamOn Chanted evening
holding the pickles and the lettuce.....
not to mention wide hips under a soft waistline of an AlaskanPrincess.

It was a Port and Sherry night for her,
Just Coke for me please!

theSam!!
a really, REALLY, R-E-A-L-L-Y Good deal for theState!!

Some Critics of theSam!! think that his Blog is just a thinly veiled personal campaign ad,
That theSam!! has a message that's thinner than the Nightee worn by theVillage Chiefs Grandaughter,
much more flimsy than theTribal Admin's daughters personality with less than half theInfluence
of Spirits upon her breath after a night of hard drinking.
But theSam!! doesn't think so.

When YVC Inc (DOH!!) flew out to theVillage to solicit comments to either confirm or deny any such allegations from theLocals, we noticed that none of theMen that lived
anywhere near theHouse of theVillage Chief wouldn't answer their doors
as they were too busy looking out their windows with binos, high powered scopes, cameras........*sigh*

As theVillage mimics theState and works its way up to theElections of Local Officials; Tribal Admin Officers, VPSO's, VPO's, Janitors and the like,
we find that theVillage, yay, even the whole YVC Inc Interior Nether regions and beyond are splitting into Factions and Groups in support of their (wo)Man running for Office.

theSam!! finds that this year, much like last year and the year before that and before that preceding the previous...is theSame and looks to be that way forever more. The White world has their Ground Hog day, the YVC Inc (doh!!) region has it's local re-elections.

Stung by his first year in Office as local VPSO and seeing that some Villagers were literally up in Arms and even a few select inebriate Females were also Down inPants
hoping that the newly Minto'd.. er.. Minted Officer would just go away
but theSam!! weathered theStorm and stuck around for awhile doing his job as VPSO.

Down inPants??
Yes, down on their knees disrobed in theJail Holding Cell and flirting with,
coo-ing at, calling to or just plain out-Cussing at theSam!! for jailing them.

Who disrobed them??
Not I.

They did this to themselves??
Yes.

Were they Intoxicated or Sober??
Most of them Intoxicated.
Oddly enough a couple were stone sober when doing....

Doing what??
Gaping their flesh for me.

Salmon Chanted
theSam!! seems to be all over theCity lately; entering a trendy downtown eatery,
stalking Tourists in various hotels,
hitting up theGirls at theClub for hugs & shoulder Massages.

"It's like this every week," scolds Ms November, a Nude dancer.
Despite the recent flurry of theSam!! sightings each day before Noon,
the number of Sam to City citizenz encounters remains the same as they were last month.

Ms November sighs-Wringing her tired hands.
"I don't mind hugging him but to rub his back alot, wears me out, He should be rubbing me!"

Though it's unclear exactly how many theSam!! sightings there have been locally,
area-wide or State wide for that matter, one things clear;
that when ever theSam!! appears officially he's either in Brown or Black.

Wendy Puff, a local Loiterer at a downtown Anchorage Parking Garage
emailed this to YVC Inc (doh!!)
.....alking to my friends when *bam!!* he was there by my side.
I was like, taken aback by his sudden appearance next to me,

It's not like I couldn't see the car I was crouched next to
or the rest of the parking garage for that matter
for the dense cloud of smoke around me and my friends,
I had just dropped a fresh cigarette into my hand when this happened.

He intoned Nasally to me,
"hheeyy Yyooouuu!!!"
And he shook his finger at me *Tsk-tsk-tsk'd* with his lips and then swiped
the Cigarette from my hand and was gone before I could react.

When the smoke finally cleared I looked around and realized I was alone
and that the "People" I thought I was talking to were in fact,
the NO SMOKING sign upon the wall and this stupid Pay-Stroller that
was parked out of the way by the cars.
Since I was out of smokes I glumly went back to work inside theMall.

When Wendy Puff was pressed further for details regarding her SamSighting, she IM'd us.
"oh yeah.. sorry I forgot to say what would have answered your
initial question to me as to what he had on.
Lessee... a sky-blue or Robins egg long sleeved shirt, and,
I'm not really sure but I think he said that I was too cute to smoke".

So it seems that theSam!! sightings follow a particular pattern
particularly in theSummertime but this apparent change in tactics by theSam!!
suggests a paradigm shift in his Ranging habits, or at least social habits.

As another Parking lot Parker thought she glimpsed theSam!! offering a burning Cig
to a similarly Blue shirt Clad female, from this act we can only guess
the Latter of his Offerings to this female;
a gesture of appeasement or malfeasance??

Just Follow Your Nose (and your stomach)
What is apparent is that theSam!! follows a scent stream
into downtown Anchorage that takes him directly to the closest Coffee shop,
Pastry Hut or hapless Picnickers in theParks.

theSam!! has been sighted on occasion at a local $tarBuck$ shop
where a business man was just sitting down with his Java-cup
reading the morning edition paper when his SugarCookie disappeared before his eyes.

Another astonished City citizen related this tale of her face to face encounter with theSam!!
"I was standing in line with my younger brother and his girlfriend,
asking them what they wanted to eat (we were at Bells Taco)
and suddenly (he) was there next to me.

I was awash in the sweaty presence of this tall man
holding a bicycle helmet and wearing a small backpack.
He wasn't rude, he wasn't mean or anything.
More playful and definately Nasal, ....."and what about mmmee??!!" was all he said.

I think I hurt his feeling that I couldn't buy him lunch,
as we left Bells Taco I saw him standing outside quietly nursing an order
of frito dessert chips and a soft drink." Poor thing!!

Improperly tended food tends to draw theSam!! out of hiding close to City citizen habitation and gets him accustomed to easy meals, or else to free hugs and shoulder massages!!

Such acts of grazing are drawing looks of concern, caution and most recently;
stick-figures depicting a big man with rectangular, cylindrical and square objects in his hands.

Presumably Pizza slices, cups of yummy Vanilla Steamers and what we can only guess to be-unopened Reeses' Peanut Butter-BigCups!!

"Maybe those squares are sandwiches", piped up his Food-Stamp Caseworker by TeleConference.
From behind the Din of scratching pencils and fainted groans of Public Assistance Welfare Applicants in her Office,
Ms DyeAnn teased us and drew our interest with tales of following theStore grazing habits of theSam!!

"It's much safer than just shooting him with tranquilizer darts and strapping a radio-collar on him.
Besides, we're out of Collars, considering theSize of some of our PA applicants coming into our Offices lately.
His 250 frame is miniscule compared to their 300+... but anyways..."

"You see," DyeAnn continued.
We always keep track of what theSam!! buys at theStores and find that all he gets
is bread, cheese, various deli meats and Pop.
Oh... there was a celebratory purchase in April of 3 tubs of Hog&Dazed ice cream
but never again.

Now it's just candy, chips, and the afore mentioned items I mentioned."

DyeAnn had to abruptly end her phone call,
as the exhausted voice of a young lady was picked up on the Phone microphones blurting out...
"are you talking about HHIIMM!!!???
*gasp*,
you're making my hands hhuuurrrttt just thinking of him making me rub his...."
(phone connection cut off at this point)
__________

theSam!! Survival Guide
(for your Encounter with Anchorage's newest Resident)

-Reduce Your Risk
As peaceful beings as Sam's are,
they can be prone to irritation and juvenile behavior.

And at times theSam!! can be prone to defensiveness
when guarding his various Cute hug resources,
his various food sources or reacting to being surprised
with a food bill by any Waiter or waitress.

Brown Sam's are by far the most friendly.
Sam's like these tend to hug every cute chick in sight
and hold onto every cute baby as well.

These types of Sam's are even prone to sharing food with various Cute Citizenry.
Be aware of potential Tummy pokes,
nasally "Hey You"'s if you see this type of Sam!!

His vision is based on Cuteness
and his Nose is hyper activated by sweet perfumes and piping hot foods.

But Black Sam's are the most agitated.
Especially when working late at night or working too much
and not intaking enough food or drink.
Don't get too close to his backpack or get between him and his Bicycle either.

-If You Meet theSam!!
Be careful out there in theCity this Summer because if you ever meet a Sam!!
Your behavior can influence what happens next.
Your initial response to a Sam!! encounter should be theSame
until you determine whether theSam!! is being Defensive or just plain Silly.

Just read and MEMORIZE the following Guides
to help you survive an encounter with theSam!!

Remember that these Words were lived by real live Cute females and may help you.
These directions are also endorsed by the Village Coalition
of Parents of Really Really Really (Rreeaallyy) Cute Daughters.

First Encounter
If theSam!! is being Silly with you then Play Dead or better yet
act Democratic and Wishy-washy. Don't take a stand, lean anyway the Wind blows.
(Wait wait.... Dead, Dem. What's theDiff??)

If theSam!! advances to hug just bring your feet together,
bring your arms close to your sides and lift your chin up to look at theSky.
That's the position you're gonna end up in anyway if you're shorter than theSam!!
and he hugs you.

If theSam!! Doesn't See You
Quietly tiptoe away while watching theSam!!'s movements.
Chances are that he's preoccupied with another Cute Only Citizen or else he's eating food.
If he's standing there with a tall Steamer in hand then move away only when theCup is lifted up to his lips.

If theSam!! Sees YOU
Talk in a high pitched Whiny Voice.
If an East European female is with you and she has shrill vocal chords on her,
Pay her a Kings Ransom to be your company if your jaunts in Public
will have anything to do with areas of theCity that might have anything to do with theSam!!

Better yet, make tape recordings of your Mother or Grandmother,
any angry gripings of an Older female will do the trick,
and play these utterances out LOUD for goodness sake.

Don't be like the WA blonde that only had headphones and ended up ditching her
entire MP-3 ensemble just to escape theClutches of theSam!!

In addition to talking like a strangled trumpet,
wave arms overhead but don't extend your palms, hands out in open Welcome gesture
or extend your arms in his direction EVER!!

If you extend arms in his direction theSam!! will mistake such actions as you willing to hug him.

Remember theMantra from the lines above; Ded Dem. Ded Dem. Ded Dem.

Watch For These Behaviors
"Stress" behaviors include;
Rolling his shoulders to loosen them up to give hugs.

-Yawning and huffing.
Probably to activate his saliva glands in preparation for any gulpings of food you may have or from potential OC/Pepper Sprayings, but it's not recommended to spray any Sam!! at any time although one Village girl widely touts that a spritz of White Dimondz kept theSam!! away for a month.

(in fact, theSam!!'s lil' Teen sister in theVillage
insists that a daily misting of any sweet girly cologne in her room,
upon her Nintendo, Gameboys, her Music CD's, on her TV-VCR
and elsewhere kept Big Brudder Sam!! out of her stuff!!)

-Teeth Clacking.
It's just the setting of his dentures in place or to prepare his jaw for hard punch from you but again...
it's not recommended to get violent with theSam!! at any time.
Remember Cuteness is what drew Him to You in the first place
and what he ultimately respects (and expects) in you.

If theSam!! Approaches
Stop Moving,

Become catatonic.

Group together with Other Cuties of your kind (Please oh pretty please!!)

Start talking Whiny if possible or whip out those Pre-recorded shrill Utterances
and try to slowly increase your distance as theSam!!'s noggin attempts to comprehend
the gibberish of your tape recordings.

If theSam!! syncronizes his movements with yours while you shop
then stand your ground as most Grocery Shopping charges are just bluffs.

Or better yet, start browsing through the Feminine sections of a store
and watch theSam!! disappear faster than...
well Nothing is faster than a Sam!! that runs away from you.

Is theSam!! just Curious??
If a Sam!! follows without seeming agitated,
he may be trying to figure out what you are; Blonde, Brunette, Redhead??
If you have shades on just take them off revealing your eye brow and eye lash colors.

That should satiate the curiousity of theSam!! for the moment as often,
just knowing your "true Colors" is all it takes to make theSam!! happy
for the moment enough to leave you alone.

If He Moves In Close
Use pre-recorded screechy, bitchy messages.
What Kind of Son In Law are You?!!

What Are You Going to Do With Your Life??!!

Clean Up This Mess!! etc.

Or use a predetermined light Citrus scent perfume.
And if you're within his hugging arms draw limbs in Close to you and stop moving.

You stand a better chance at escape up until being playfully poked in theTummy
or having your arm / shoulders touched or squeezed.

[[enclosed photos and captions]]
--Anchorage Dept of Public Safety Officers and Anchorage Public Assistance Welfare Case Managers
escort theSam!! from a Rapid Transit Bus after shooting him with a tranquilizer dart gun
near Downtown Anchorage earlier this Spring. TheSam!! was released into the Wilds near Mountain View.

--June 2006 video camera footage frame still shots from Noelle Public Library,
an Real Estate Appraisal and Buyers Rip-Off Marketing Seminar.

You see the front entrance doors and over 30' of space between the open doors
and the Blue haired Woman guarding the refreshments table laden with meats, cheeses, breads, sweets and punch.
TheSam!! filled up a plate and left when the woman looked down at her purse.File Story, File Fotos
YourVillageCalled (doh!!) Inc
Village News Network, affiliated feeds and village council faxes, emails and IM's,
and "village rumour mill-Toothpicks to Trees Grapevine".
by Chelsea S. Talker, Sr. Correspondent, Publisher-Editor, Sr YVC Inc (doh!!) Head Diva,

and by Tara "Mascara" White, Despondent Village Diva, Village Hand-Maiden,
YVC Inc (doh!!) Intern with a Blue dress On!
(currently on Maternity Leave because she took hers off)


ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT!! (or to at least misquote)

-Therapist dies on Ms McKenley's Slopes.
A male massage therapist / hair dresser / aesthetician / died of unknown causes last week as he descended Ms Mt McKenley's West Butt.

Hospitable terrain and sunny weather do not appear to be factors in the young man's death. We just don't know what happened shrugged *Name Deleted* Salon & Day Spa -Owner/ Sr Technician/Barrista-girl Laree "Hot" Faucette.

Mrs Laree stated "that before working on such notable,
Monumental Clients as newly Crowned Ms Mt McKenley AK contest winner,
each therapist has to leave SOAP forms....

Subjective; what thePlan is, theClients wants and needs.
Objective; what the therapist plans on doing i.e.; deep tissue massage, body wraps, paraffin body-wraps, body & bikini hair removal etc.
Action; work performed, techniques done, procedures followed.
Followed by clients assessment of the work, advice given to Client and
any follow-up "prescription guidelines" etc.
Post assessment and future Day Spa Menu work that would be
appropriate as well as Therapist and Clientelle thoughts in their own
handwriting of the events transpired.

....in the hands of theFront Receptionist, theActing Mgr or myself (theOwner)
in case he/they don't return on time under their 90min to 3hour allotted session with each Client."

"Now I say, In case they don't return on time and here's why.

Considering the Beauty and not to forget; SIZE of some of our clients.
Especially theYoung man that disappeared in the, what we first presume to be,
White Out Conditions upon theClient, and His client at the time was Ms McKenley."

Mrs Laree went on to say,
"She has been an *Name Deleted* Salon & Day Spa visitor for over 8 yrs
and we've seen her transformed from an average College beauty to Smoking
hot ***** ng drop dead gorgeous creature and we are glad to have her as a client of ours.

We do believe that our good Employee and dear friend *Name deleted*
was lost upon her immense slopes after setting out to conquer her Left Butt cheek
from insertion point along the Lower Sacral area down to theCleft regions of the left Ischium
and then sweeping out to theGreater Trochanter.......out to theLeft Hip.

At least *Name Deleted* SOAP form lists that action along with some Deep Tissue Work
along the Pec lines that he'd hoped to finish before Shampooing, Drying, Cutting and Styling her hair.

Now if you'll excuse me I have a 4 O'clock FaceLift TouchUp to complete......"
Mrs Laree and two Assistants wheeled a small 800lb Concrete hand-packer into a
dark back room as a Gorgeous Stone-faced woman was quietly ushered into a dressing
room and assisted out of her clothes into a small skimpy hospital gown by two male Spa Interns.

According to our photo-copy of theAction portion of the SOAP form we at YVC Inc (doh!!) can guess the following; the Therapist was coming down what's known as "theDeadWall".

A steep challenging section of Buttock that if injected with Botox and other materials say like-Inner thigh fat from each Client to make theGlute or Hip "Flare" out to the side nicely when walking-standing-sitting,

What then makes this section of Cheek so challenging is that said injections
of fat cells and botulism can make the mottled surface go smooth and glass-like,
almost TOO smooth and too glassy.
Where it's easy for a Therapist to forget just how slippery the surface can be.

And if some clients, like Ms McKenley, are built up and out from "Female Zero to Female Sex Hero" by Weights, Dieting, Growth Hormones and various Injections and Implants then said surface areas can become Cool to theTouch.

Or in Salon Industry parlance, "dead". Hence, theSite name for this particular
day spas workers for this particular Touchy route on their bodies.

In an after thought E-mail sent to theYVC Inc (DOH!!) Mrs Laree continued with her suppositions.
"And it's this section of Buttock where *Name Deleted* is said to have met his doom
as the section of Glute can be as hard as packed snow and ice.

In fact, considering how big Ms McKenley was anyway and the elevation of theMassage Table. Our Therapist friend was basically at an elevation of 18,000 feet.

Our Towel boys and theFront Receptionist made sure that his O2 bottle was full
and that his back up Survival Pack was in place in his back pack.

They last saw him as he climbed upon theMassage table and turned to wave goodbye
before stepping behind an immense female arm draped off theTable.

Even the first minutes of Massaging a sleeping Client can be deadly.
As some women have "flappy arms that would be the envy of any aircraft upon landing
(as Aircraft Wings slide out and become wider-thicker, more flat to decrease Lift and to slow the Aircraft down in Flight)
So to do most women share this phenomenon with Planes.

And for most Therapists that are careless when gathering up this part
of the Female clients arm, this spells disaster!!

Our Insurance payments went up $3 million last year when a Husband
of an Breast Implanted client of Ours turned over in her sleep and grievously wounded her man.

A Breast crushed his arm and pinned him for several hours until she woke up
(she was sedated against pain from our In-house Pharmacist and so theLawsuit against us stuck)
The man is in a wheel chair paralyzed from legs on up and in one arm.

*sigh*

And now this new tragedy.

Some people already have criticized our DaySpa for not looking out
more closely for the safety of our Employees.

I can only say this, that most of our Clients wear Bottoms while on theTable,
they wear skimpy Thong bottoms and we find that such elastic ropings along the West or East Butt route or even down to theCleft route for Hair Removal can be a literal Life Saver at times for our Therapists.

As for Breast work, we only let Therapists trained as Technical Free-Climbers do that work.

As most clients go Topless when on the Massage tables and so there are no
hand-holds-thus No Room for Error!! when ascending or descending "theCups" as it were.

As you know, last month we lost two of our best female therapists
upon our most Finnicky and Beautiful of Clients. Ms Denali.

She is a B***h at times and gives her Therapists an occasional storm to wait out
or sends them sliding off her Back or Thighs but she wouldn't say what happened
last month to our two females. God rest their souls.

As for Ms Denali, we kindly let her know that she should seek Salon and DaySpa
services elsewhere and Not here with us.

The 5 Alaska Princess' and even Ms Sleeping Lady expressed outrage
at what Ms Denali did last month and they promised to visit their Wrath upon her.

Our Salon gives 10% discounts to Pierced female clients; Nipple, Navel, Clit.
And those that wear Industry Approved Gold Jewelry such as necklace, belly-chain,
ankle band and toe rings during various body works get discounts and ammenities as well.

Our Therapists need such hand-holds in place when ascending, descending
and hanging out to perform the necessary work upon our Clients bodies..

Our Physical Fitness Standards are equal to any Trooper or Police fitness testing
in theState of Alaska. Lots of lifting, running, climbing and using arms and legs.

And since we have car service for most of our affluent clients in town,
our Driving Testings are OSHA and AK DOT approved.
In fact, an offshoot of this Salon is to train many of Anchorage's Limo driver and Taxi Cab companies.

Even various PSD (protective security detail and executive protection teams)
teams are now signed up to drive Anchorage's dangerous "Under Construction" streets and to venture
out onto the rest of Alaska's deadly highways with us.
If you think that we're just a DaySpa, you are wrong.

We are more than that.
We'll send you an update of news on our Lost Therapist when we hear it first.
Mrs Laree "hot" Faucette, CEO-Owner"

Story by Tara "runny Mascara" White, YVC Inc (doh!!)

More News that's Unfit to Print!!!!

After two days of not seeing their Salon and DaySpa employee exit theRoom that he was working in-presumeably upon a still and slumbering client identified as the newly crowned Ms Mt McKenley, everyone was relieved to hear that the missing worker had been found.

At 6pm AK DT or after 6:30pm Local Time, theTherapist identified as Mr Seymour "Butts" sat down to rest upon the descending trail.

But some members of theRescue team argue that he probably collapsed at some point
along the way and quietly perished.

Mr Seymour was far unconscious and unresponsive when contacted by members
of theRescue team from theDaySpas own Elite Rescue Team and joined by a
complement of various eager volunteers from the Bar next door as they reached
Mr Butts sometime after 8pm at the 15,000 foot level of Ms Mt McKenley.

"He was still hanging onto the wash tag of theClients bottoms as we touched him,
though what troubles me is that, shouldn't theWash
tag be further that way??" blurted Team Leader Al Famale
(pointing East towards Ms McKenleys body, midline towards Center of her Glutes)

"I mean, no disrespect intended for theDead or theSlumbering beauty here but
to move theWash Tag so far out of the way and to have moved....
it bodes.... it shows..... you can see...... it means...... ummmm....

Excuse me for a moment please..."

ERTLeader Al moved away from the Rescue Group, dropped to his knees and took a quiet moment out for himself. After he returned to theGroup he stammered on.

"I.. I was just praying...
Glad to see that we're alive and that we found Mr Butts, Thank God that he still stuck close to the established suntan-white line ascending / descending routes along the Outer Hip or we'd never find him at all amongst the open featureless skin of Buttock, Hip or Thigh."

Mr Butts was stamped out, put out, watered out then carefully littered up and transported off theSlumbering Slopes of Ms McKenley, many of the Rescue Team members were slow to move off the Beauty and reluctant to leave her there alone, sleeping, helpless, uncovered.
T
here was much fist biting and many team members also took time to "Pray" by themselves.

"After Autopsy, Biopsy, Colonoscopy and especially after he thaws out a bit,
the Medical Examiners will then see what killed him!, although we already know what
it was that killed him, he was holding onto theElastic material and theWashTag
for dear life with theBiggest Grin on his face.
it shows........you can see........it means.......it....umm...... Excuse me please."

This untimely death of a fine Spa Technician killed by an often unforgiving crowd
of Clientelle, pushed on by Media frenzy to maintain perfection in physical Looks,
proportion and soft End Feel and to achieve top status with "In-Crowds" is what
pushes many female Clients to dizzy Dazzleing heights of enhanced mountainous
Cleavage and more curves and smooth skin all around.

But is more Girth worth the promising lives of so many often young Salon and Spa Technicians?? YVC Inc (doh!!) doesn't think so.

Ms McKenley was devastated at hearing the bad news of her Therapists death
upon her frigid slopes while she slumbered in deep relaxation and bliss,
but she was perplexed from her undies being pulled widely askew
and at having to clean up her skin of "excess lotion".

Hmmm... Well. Who said you need a brain to win beauty contests??

Here's a recapper of Select past Salon and DaySpa tragedies
and an occasional Near Miss from around theState.

Anchorage 1994:
Ms Congeniality claimed theLives of two young men, caught in a fierce storm descending theSummit.
Back in 1994 "summits" were enhanced by hard, unforgiving granite Silicone, unlike todays (2006) soft yet Tough! Tomatos.
Salon tongue wags tout that two men upon one summit shifted the angle of theSlope and both young men fell into Cleavage.

As both young men were experienced SkyDivers we can only surmise that their last moments on Earth were to cat-roll into Free-fall
and "dig-in".

Go into a head down position and Track down. Where your falling / flying air speed increases up to 140 mph
but your descent rate more than doubles per foot moved laterally / forward. We can only hope they died happy.

Palmer 1997:
Ms Terry's Massage was great, her nails done to perfection by theNail Artists, her makeup was flawless and the end result of her hair cut and style was the catalyst that drew out theMs Hyde in her delicate 5' 2" 130lb frame. She didn't like how theSide part revealed a "Line" or
a Shelf on the side of her head. It made it look "too choppy" and she started to cry.

After Ms Terry "re-arranged theSalon decor and helped some nearby people donate blood", the Police searched her purse and found empty Prozac bottles, half consumed whiskey and a hand gun..........

Fairbanks 1999:
Prom Night and Ms Teen wanted a body massage to help her unwind before the Big event of Dancing, being crowned Queen etc.
Her Therapist was working at the side of the Table and performing MLD-manual lymph drainage, a very light touch technique to help move lymph through the various nodes in the body.

Said Therapist used words like "Cellulite", "Fat", "Fatty tissue", "orange peel texture" one too many times and was never heard from again. To this day Ms Teen turned bank accountant still maintains her innocence in the disappearance of said Therapist.

theVillage 2000
One unwed unhappy white mother, 3 small cute kids that needed haircuts and a stylist that needed some $.
Give theKids some "Friends" slither bangs, lift some weight off the perimeter and make it all look so darn easy that Dad could
repeat the work at home (and he has theFinesse of a backhoe digging a ditch).
Years later, still one unwed unhappy white mother and still 3 grown up cute kids. You can't please everyone.

Denali 2002:
Two more Therapists stranded in White out Conditions for two days upon West Summit of Right breast while performing MLD and DT-deep tissue work Combo. They survived by drinking milk... don't ask them how though.

It was after this event and these two Therapists walking off theMountain and out of theSalon for good, that yr 2003 Salon & DaySpa Cidesco Conferences held in Las Vegas convened and imposed strict Industry sanctions for safety guidelines and increased
physical fitness and salon work related aptitude and technical climbing expertise when "ascending, working upon and descending"upon any Cleavage of Clients.

It was from this and many more Conferences that imposed O2 bottle use for High Altitude work, use of SPF2000 or greater lotion by each Technician, for mandated Client based permanent Safety Ropings and / or Piercings to be used as safety and work platforms, flare gun use, Locator beacons in case of Massive Skin Slough-off or Epidermal shifts triggering fatal falls, avalanches,dermal slides, etc.

theVillage 2002 and 2003:
a dozen or so Easy to See & Do Hair classes for theKids.
A couple of Teen leaders trying out their skills on friends with great results. theVPS..uh.. theTeacher is a Saint and is branded Cool
by theKids.

Then some under classmen attempt some work on each other.
Subsequent failures, a few vehicles speeding out of theVillage at 0600hrs laden with irate parents and hair-butchered children,
theCop is now pilloried and branded UnCool by theKids.

*sigh* Can't please everyone.

Anchorage 2005:
Sleeping Lady, Technician Fall and save by use of Naval ring as rope ascending platform for monthly bikini waxing.

(Update...updit by shelllshheee talker via... bea. at Corner bar aco across formm,
I'll have another.. one cox em driving!!.
Can I just put my outh under the faucuet!!??
Here's my cred cart and youl cann billl my dad, my compy i work fer...hic..
I'll sell my liptop for 2mer rouns....
sin my beasts.... i boughd dem last yer fro Dr hans off.... feeeel dem..!!
See my lips??? No buttokcs injictions et al!!.. My boyfiend pinch.. punch me.
i lub da vay day smell. Sell. swell!!
Update by shel..*Hic*)


VillageGirls Gone Wild Camera Killed in Accident
a news crew from the VGGWild series were in theVillage for a few days last week wrapping up an 8 week jaunt
into theWilds of Alaska capturing footage of various events around the YVC Inc (doh!!) region.

When VillageGirl Veronica Chambli, a light bubbly girl with absolutely no pretensions decided to drive 50 miles
away from theVillage for more booze to keep her party going.

"Roni" as her friends know her was joined by Shasta, another perky yet slight dry relative who's personality was at
times a little flat but she made up for this slight deficiency by pretty much blending in well with anything; a fight,
a wedding, funerals, even her own high school graduation class.

You just pretty much had to add some Shasta to your party and stir or shake her to get her going.

No doubt that after a couple years of Village life Shasta's boyfriend
just skipped the stirring, the shaking and went right for the Punch to get Shasta to come to life.

This dynamic duo of Village estrogen was topped off with the annoying salty presence of Aunt Brandy who, unlike her sweet relatives with a more pronounced candor and excellent flavor of company, just basically went sour after she had her borne on date placed upon her and was henceforth labeled as Bitter by everyone that knew her.

Everyone would say,
"Aunt Brandy, are you angry??" and she'd reply, "no, just angostura!!" and her face would pucker and dry up quicker than a discarded lemon wedge on the floor.
Obviously this woman was no party favor, or animal.

As the Girls left theVillage in their really REALLY Cute Lithium powered car they were followed by a Vodka chaser: Vicki, Olivia, Danni, Katy and Angel who were partying hard in their Granma's new KingCab pickup.

The VGGW guys had beforehand (and after being Backhanded a few times after initial Live taping) placed a couple of remote mini cams and audio in the Vehicles of theGirls, whom, after signing their lives away as part of being taped for the VGGW series had agreed to let their Village shenanigans go down in history for $19.99 + $5 shipping and handling.

But if you acted early you'd get an additional dvd of theGirls after party PARTY clips and get special access to the 1 800 phone number where you could talk one on one with real live Village girls for $10.99/min. (Offer void where prohibited by
Law, and you must be over 18 to participate and No VPSO's are allowed to call either!!!)

Today Aunt Brandy was feeling slight Hungover from the prior weeks 3 day Potlatch.
No doubt after watching moose meat, beaver, bear and caribou along with fish stewing in the pots for hours on end tended to upset ones stomach.

And Aunt Brandy did indeed have a delicate constitution, quite rare for a woman of her Village Native upbringing. Women of her stock were supposed to be tougher than still pots, but she hid her difference quite well with her offensive tongue.
"shut your vermouth!!" she'd utter to most everyone.

Aunt Brandy thought that the kids now adays were too soft, too coddled up in theRacks and turned too much.

Not left at all upon theRack of life and left to age with hard experiences.
She prided herself upon being of unfermented roots and hard wormwood like spirit that enabled her to survive and thrive upon Village life.

Kids these days weren't Cold stabilized by a hard Village life to remove impurities and the subsistence living that filtered the young ones turning them from young roots and berries into fully blended and aged Native stocks that was Village pride.

"Roni??", Aunt Brandy exhaled lazily, a Kool breath that wafted around the Lithium car and slipped out the window.

"Yes Auntie", Veronica spouted out.

"Is it true that little cousin Chipotle got beat up yesterday at school?", Aunt Brandy sniffed and flicked ash off her Kool stick.
"No Auntie, he only got a Lemon Wedgie and his shirt was Twisted up tight in the process to restrict his breathing,"

"Oh!??" Aunt Brandy puffed.

"Yep, Mr's Manhattan's little boy, I forget his name, but he seems to love beating up on Native children with Zest,

Ever since that school teacher came here with that good for nothing husband of hers.. Mr Beam.. Jim I think.

Some of our younger kids get picked on and no one does anything about it." Ronni sat back in the drivers seat and she felt frozen inside thinking of her poor cousin Chip.

Often lil Chip was the life of the party at home or school, but lately he seemed half baked, like he had no spice at all.

Lil Chipotle was the son of Village vixen, Marilyn Merlot (merlowe),
He was a half breed boy, both white and Native, in fact, more white than Native. Yet at times, more pink like his Native mommy yet not as Pallor'd as his grandparents.

Natives they all were, yet, ghostly white, a whiter shade of pale.
And poor Chip, always got picked on by bullies every school year.

Shasta cracked open her mouth with a "sshhhsssshhh"ing burst and a metallic ping as her braces parted, her arms shot forward and she doubled clutched Ronni's and Aunt Brandy's arms at once, bursting her presence upon them and clinging like sticky compliments of sweetness.

"the teachers boy's nickname is Grasshopper and I hear he has a Red Raspberry Crush on Asian Mary the Japanese Exchange student that is staying with the Village Chiefs family this school year,

I think that Grasshopper is just being possessive because
he's in love!!", Shasta laughed and her clear smile (invisalign based braces) sparkled in the afternoon sunlight.

Aunt Brandy took a last drag off her Kool stick and crushed the filter on the door frame before tossing it from the speeding car.

Back in the Vodka chaser car everyone's foreheads were sweating yet theGirls were extremely cold to the Touch.

Warm bodies, soft, young and foolish.
Their skin reacted to the cold air around them, keeping them warm inside and cold outside, all the girls (just one girl short of a 6Pack) lacked were male hands to hold and cradle them. But there'd be plenty of time for that back in theVillage.

At times their Olive complected, white skin was like armor. Keeping their Knockout punches of spirit in check. Unyielding, glass like to touch. One girls skin was tattooed and branded. Upon her beautiful oval face, under her eye was a faint outline of a 2 inch scar. Boyfriend #4 left that reminder of Love for her to see in the mirror.

You could trace your fingers on her Ink and across her hide, feeling the design.
She hid her eyes behind shades a lot. It was rare to see her warm expressive caramel colored eyes and if you ever did.....*sigh*

Another couple of girls skin were much softer, to touch them was much more pleasant.
A soft denting of aluminum can like softness, not so hard like some of their bottled more full bodies buddies.
Not so beaten by boyfriends, relatives or by Life.....at least not yet.

One big 40ouncer of a girl breathed in deeply and spoke out.
"Great air conditioner"
Danni burst a hint of warmth into the Cold pickup cabin. Her words were seconded by all.
"Straight up yo!!",
"Cheers"

Even a full round from theHouse of praise for the respite of the Alaska summer and the Village heatwave were
poured upon the air for all to enjoy.

5 kick ass Native girls,

1 extremely cold pickup. a Chevy Cooler of tasty village blends.

Looking in at this Cocktail of young spirits chillin' together in friendship and hanging outedness you'd swear they
were chasing away the blues listening to the Radio but no.

They were about to let loose with theGoose after they made their alcohol purchases down theRoad from their Village.
No Gloom Chasers for these gals,

"How fast are they going??" Angel beamed from the back cabin. Her Halo dusted a bit and she breathed in deep.
Euphoric waves crashed through her being and her young mind focused on the Moment.
Going to get drinks and keep on partying and she smiled to herself.

She glanced ahead at the dust plume that marked passage of the Lithium car, even in her younger days of accompanying her
Dad, a local Bootlegger on his speedy beer runs, not even he traveled so fast in his car.

"Who cares??" Olivia reached for her ponytail to loosen her luxuriant tresses from their heights upon her head.
"As cold as it is in this pickup...

I'm soooo *word deleted* HOT!!!"
and with those words of encouragement from Olivia the Girls in the pickup shrugged out of their...

*the following scenes deleted from this Public Endorsement of VillageGirlsGoneWild*

Buy the Videos,
Buy the DVD's!!
Better yet, go meet them and get STD's!! and you'll be talking of the experiences for a Miller Life time!!

d:oP