Help Prevent Village!
YourVillageCalled!!
had a Crass Blonde moment: an Abandoned, burnt out car and an old Outhouse are among sites that have been identified as YVC Inc (doh!!) Critical Regional Assets, or CRASS for short. Furthermore, anything else from this point on uttered, written, thought of, spoken by, emailed, blogged and snail-mailed by YVC Inc (doh!!) should be considered just crass.
The Village Way to Go!!
RumRunnerz River Craft now offers Inflatable boats for sale.
Check out the 800 series line. 15' model with Slat Wood Floor, 2 Velour Love Seats,
Plenty of room for you and your friends. And speaking of friends, there's 6 Oar slots your friends can use when you run out of gas!!
This model has a Mini-Bar that doubles as a Bait / Fish storage well when those pesky Safety Officers are boarding to search for Contraband.
After you've cajoled your Grandma's 40hp motor off Her boat, "borrowed" the fuel cells from the VPSO's boat,scrounged for spark-plugs from your neighbors Snowmachines and stolen $50 from your little sisters piggy bank savings,
You can make a Booze run down theRiver and back in style!! Just $12,999, use your PFD now (July) and pay $16,999.
Back by popular demand is the Pak-n-Go.
a 10' Inflateable with Foam floor, 12 Oar slots, Rated at 35 HP, All standard ammenities come with this one.
But what makes it unique is that it breaks down into a small unobtrusive Back Pack!
Only $800, or $14,999 with your PFD, First 500 orders gets customized "look" for their backpack to avoid scrutiny in your home Village from the Safety Officers.
Sink Your Tooth into This
YVC Inc (doh!!) is having conniption fits about a recent digital phone giveaway hosted by Fee SoHigh, a long standing rival to Vee GV (village grape vine).
Fee SoHigh or any other phone provider may have all the best rates, plans, phones, etc but nothing gets news out faster than good old fashioned Village Grape Vine!!
Fee SoHigh is apparently offering BluTuth technology headsets that are compatible with ANY recent cell phone on the market.
Vee GV and YVC Inc (doh!!) were prodded, poked and pandered to action by YVC Dental dept.
"This just scrapes my enamel!!" screamed Internist twins Cleft and Soft Palette.
"To think that I spent over $340K of Gov't funds to suffer here in hell, in this (CENSORED) hole for 2 yrs as part of my SALAMI (south AK, Loosiana, Albama, and a couple of other places where Locals have few teeth) training agreement and those Fleecers are now encroaching upon my, Our territory!!"
After sedating both Dental practitioner twins with their own Ether they calmed down and had this to slurrr.
"Sighn uupp taday, besides, after working on some of dem villagerz, getting a BluTuth hedset may be theONLY teeef any of them evah have!!"
AK VILLAGE SERVICES- A Name You Can Trust
"It's ready Already!!??"
"I can go in and order people around now?"
"I can live in a better house and have more $, Council power and my own private office too?!!"
Yes You can, because AK 74 village services says you can!
Changing Village Councils, Tribal Court Judges, Safety Officers, Teachers even Chiefs is never easy but we can help your Village adjust to these changes and make you look good......eh... at least on Paper.
Family's gain and lose power, individuals rise and fall in popularity, even pesky local rules and intrusive state ordinances are subject to interpretation and revision.
With over 25 years of Village Service experience in Alaska, we'll make your Village change quick and easy.
Introducing our July Special, $129.99 Feather Touch Village Maintenance Package. (Guaranteed Audit Proof!!)
-Change your Village Council and Tribal Court Judges (per knee cap, per horse head, per fuzzy kitty)
-Rotate and Inspect 4 School Teachers (per fiscal calendar, Choose from Playground accident, gym accident, flight accident)
-50 point Mandatory Courtesy Check includes:
Postmaster, School Principal, ICWA CaseWorker, Clergymen, Youth & Student Council, VPSO & VPO (our specialty!), General Store Mgr & Clerks, Lodge Mgr & Cooks, Council grant writers, and more!
If there's a Paradigm shift in your Village or if there needs to BE ONE then contact us today!
AK Village Srvc's.
We make YOU look good......eehh.. at least on Paper.
5 Day Sam ForeCast
Sunday:
98.9 deg F, a few hours of Scattered Samshine until 1600 when Work Winds pick up and theSam!! activity moves throughout Anchorage from Mtn View, Muldoon to Tudor.
On across to Midtown and dipping down into Diamond area then Rising again to MidTown where temps go up to 99.4 and vehicle speeds increase as well.
Intervals of Clouds and Thunder with scattered Samshine finishing off in theTudor to Muldoon areas at Midnight where temps fall back to 98 deg F into evening.
Nights will be partly covered and window wide open for ventilation.
Moon phases will be varied from Full to partial with prolonged tingling after riding stupid bike home.
Repeat Sam Fore Cast for 5 days until standard 2 days off, then theSam!! moves into Downtown area most of theDay and skirts Midtown by mid afternoon then retreating back into Stormy Mtn View.
the5 Day Sam ForeCast is sponsored;
by theVillageEnd Bar-n-Grill,
by thePimento Village Council (Salute!! *hiccup*),
by theDemoKids Village Wrecking & Construction.
AYear Ago with theSam!!
Yr 2005, 5 Day Sam Forecast around the Copper River Valley, under Shadow of the breasts of the CopperRiver AK Princess!!
Temps averaged 99 to 104 deg F, depending upon which AK PrincessEmployee theSam!! was fighting with, argueing with, talking to, listening to, eating with, trying to Hug, spying on, etc.
Intermittent Samshine (IS)in EDR (employee dining room) when Tater Tots and cookies were served. And brief intermittent activity South to Anchorage during day trips.
IS followed by restful periods of inactivity in the Day time.
Then heavy Cold-Front activity from 2130hrs till 0600hrs in isolated cells around theCopperRiver compound as theSam!! put the damper on most fun and merriment being had by employees of thePrincess
Those Were theDays!!
Weekend Village CardBoard Music Charts
1. "Promiscuous" not MY daughter!!
2. "Me & You" and a Dog named Boo......that the VPSO shot.
3. "Hips Don't Lie" they sit on, Bend over, Lean against,
4. "It's Going Down" you shot my boat!
5. "Bossy" Mother-in-Law & Girlfriend.
6. "Because of You" now I'm in Trouble and in jail!!
7. "Coming Undone" by undressing for him...
8. "theDiary of Jane" journals trashed at theDump in your junked family car
9. "Speak" quit slurring and say something intelligible for
crying out loud.
10. "Lips of an Angel" *bites fist*
11. "Crazy" for you big man in Brown.
12. "Now 21" yay!!! Now I can go out and Legally drink....
After much in-Fighting and pouting, weeping wailing and gnashing of teeth, YVC Inc (doh!!) finally decided to give Tele-Phonic Trial space for an advice column.
So if you got problems, and Who doesn't?
Ask theSam!!
Question:
hey Sam!!,
my Village girl friend and I have been seeing each other for 2 months now.
We've fallen madly in love with each other but we're not sure where to take this relationship now.
Some obstacles have presented themselves early on in our relationship, like, my girlfriend says that I have a wandering eye and I guess I have to say that, yes, it's true.
What is wrong with me?
Blind on Smirnoff
Answer:
Hey Smirnoff, You sure get around a lot. Why just yesterday I dumped about a Magnum's worth of you off two young men bound for theVillage. I saved the JD for quiet time with my .22 pistol out at theDump each Sunday, aahhh what peaceful times ventilating JD bottles.... oh!!
Say Smirnoff, Take your relationship to thePreacherman..Fast!!
Throw a big shindig in theVillage, invite about 1000 people from around theState and bring in 3 semi-truck loads of Catered food and drinks. I mean, just get it over with man.
But seriously, get marred and see how you two turn out. Remember that here in MY village, is an Old couple that I see just Plastered every Weekend and I don't bother them because they don't bother each other or anyone else for that matter, they keep things "In-House", if I may use that expression. Maybe you and your girlfriend will have kids and grow old together like the Old couple in my Village.
As for your Wandering Eye, Quit whining sir, there's nothing wrong with you. Now adays I scope out Everyone under theSun and not just for theEye candy either.
It goes like this, see, Two twin-Towers got blown up on the East coast and and... even long before that way back in 1492 when this Boat landed on the East Coast...... After that Everyone is suspect in my eyes, but that's rhetoric for another column
Don't worry about any obstacles, my two biggest obstacles at the time I met my first Village Girlfriend when she was 14 was her Dad and her Granpa. I'd jail her dad for Importation and let Granpa "dispose" of theBooze, crazy old man was "happy" for weeks!!
Problem solved, See??!!
If you love your Girlfriend then marry her and have kids. *sigh*
And if you must, like I have to, when ever I go out with my Girlfriend I hand over both My eyes to her.
She keeps them in her purse right next to my Privates, yes she owns them now and only gives them to me when I get called out on Emergencys or when I go away from theVillage on extended Prisoner transport Trips or week long training seminars.
Oh... and keep a fork or knife handy too in case some Hottie walks by when you're with your girlfriend in public.
Whip either one out and repeat these words; "Must....remove.....eyes....."
It works for me, though I only say "Eye" now-days.
Thanks to one of theVillage Granmas that thought I added too much salt and pepper to her Moose and Bear Soup.
She scooped out an eye quicker than KillBill, though she was aiming for my Tongue.
In a word, Compromise!!
Good luck Smirnoff
theSam!!
Question:
Dear Sam!!
My grown son is back home with me after 10yrs living on his own.
He watches satellite tv into the Night, sleeps all day, drives his Dads snow machines and 4 wheelers completely dry of gas and is now eating me out of house and home!!
Help!!
Homeless Homemaker
Answer:
Mom!....Cut it out!. Geeezzz you tell everyone that tired story.
Mom it's been almost 6yrs since I stayed with you and Dad for ONE freakin' year. After you pulled me off the Streets of Seattle and brought me up here to Alaska.
It was great to be home with you and little sister after being away for so long.
Then I got picked up by theAgency and now I work for them.
I bet you're still gossiping to the Church women and to the Postmaster those same tired tales of when I broke Granmas wood axes. Geee.. that was back in 2001, and 2002 and 2003, 4, 5 and just a few months ago that... nevermind.
And I bet you're still mad at me that I got the 4 wheeler COMPLETELY submerged in that Bog when we went camping.
And I suppose you're still bitter that I shot your "friend", that cute prickly porcupine, the first Summer I was here in AK?!!
Wasn't my fault. I thought a porcupine for Granma was a porcupine, was a porcupine, was a porcupine.
How was I to know that the really Fat ones are best in late Fall??
It's old news. Say something else for crying out loud!!
Besides, I wouldn't have eaten so much if I wasn't scouting theRoad for trees to fall, chainsawing down trees, axe chopping wood for Granma, hauling water, hunting for porcupines anyway.
I wasn't watching tv all the time, did you ever check!!?? Half the time I was asleep on the Sofa anyway.
Goodness!! I never had as much stress doing Day labor jobs, sleeping out of my car or slumming with a Relative in Seattle.
I'd go back there in a minute but I don't have plane fare. Everyone around me keeps a hand out when pay day rolls around here in theVillage and and... *sigh*.
But to answer your question.
Up here in Alaska the Mother Moose keeps her calf(s) close to her always for about a year.
Sometimes she keeps them with her for 2 years. By then they're old enough and big enough to survive on their own and she turns them loose, cuts the apron strings, kicks them out of the Nest, changes the locks on the front door. Whatever...
Lovs Yor Son.... er. I mean.
Hope this advice helps. Besides. I'm already Gone!! Don't you remember that Massive Village party for days after I left?
Love the digital photos you emailed. I have them on 3 different photosites now. d:oP
Until Next time.
Remember, only You can prevent Village and 2nd hand Village too or else I'll hit you in the face with a shovel!!
had a Crass Blonde moment: an Abandoned, burnt out car and an old Outhouse are among sites that have been identified as YVC Inc (doh!!) Critical Regional Assets, or CRASS for short. Furthermore, anything else from this point on uttered, written, thought of, spoken by, emailed, blogged and snail-mailed by YVC Inc (doh!!) should be considered just crass.
The Village Way to Go!!
RumRunnerz River Craft now offers Inflatable boats for sale.
Check out the 800 series line. 15' model with Slat Wood Floor, 2 Velour Love Seats,
Plenty of room for you and your friends. And speaking of friends, there's 6 Oar slots your friends can use when you run out of gas!!
This model has a Mini-Bar that doubles as a Bait / Fish storage well when those pesky Safety Officers are boarding to search for Contraband.
After you've cajoled your Grandma's 40hp motor off Her boat, "borrowed" the fuel cells from the VPSO's boat,scrounged for spark-plugs from your neighbors Snowmachines and stolen $50 from your little sisters piggy bank savings,
You can make a Booze run down theRiver and back in style!! Just $12,999, use your PFD now (July) and pay $16,999.
Back by popular demand is the Pak-n-Go.
a 10' Inflateable with Foam floor, 12 Oar slots, Rated at 35 HP, All standard ammenities come with this one.
But what makes it unique is that it breaks down into a small unobtrusive Back Pack!
Only $800, or $14,999 with your PFD, First 500 orders gets customized "look" for their backpack to avoid scrutiny in your home Village from the Safety Officers.
Sink Your Tooth into This
YVC Inc (doh!!) is having conniption fits about a recent digital phone giveaway hosted by Fee SoHigh, a long standing rival to Vee GV (village grape vine).
Fee SoHigh or any other phone provider may have all the best rates, plans, phones, etc but nothing gets news out faster than good old fashioned Village Grape Vine!!
Fee SoHigh is apparently offering BluTuth technology headsets that are compatible with ANY recent cell phone on the market.
Vee GV and YVC Inc (doh!!) were prodded, poked and pandered to action by YVC Dental dept.
"This just scrapes my enamel!!" screamed Internist twins Cleft and Soft Palette.
"To think that I spent over $340K of Gov't funds to suffer here in hell, in this (CENSORED) hole for 2 yrs as part of my SALAMI (south AK, Loosiana, Albama, and a couple of other places where Locals have few teeth) training agreement and those Fleecers are now encroaching upon my, Our territory!!"
After sedating both Dental practitioner twins with their own Ether they calmed down and had this to slurrr.
"Sighn uupp taday, besides, after working on some of dem villagerz, getting a BluTuth hedset may be theONLY teeef any of them evah have!!"
AK VILLAGE SERVICES- A Name You Can Trust
"It's ready Already!!??"
"I can go in and order people around now?"
"I can live in a better house and have more $, Council power and my own private office too?!!"
Yes You can, because AK 74 village services says you can!
Changing Village Councils, Tribal Court Judges, Safety Officers, Teachers even Chiefs is never easy but we can help your Village adjust to these changes and make you look good......eh... at least on Paper.
Family's gain and lose power, individuals rise and fall in popularity, even pesky local rules and intrusive state ordinances are subject to interpretation and revision.
With over 25 years of Village Service experience in Alaska, we'll make your Village change quick and easy.
Introducing our July Special, $129.99 Feather Touch Village Maintenance Package. (Guaranteed Audit Proof!!)
-Change your Village Council and Tribal Court Judges (per knee cap, per horse head, per fuzzy kitty)
-Rotate and Inspect 4 School Teachers (per fiscal calendar, Choose from Playground accident, gym accident, flight accident)
-50 point Mandatory Courtesy Check includes:
Postmaster, School Principal, ICWA CaseWorker, Clergymen, Youth & Student Council, VPSO & VPO (our specialty!), General Store Mgr & Clerks, Lodge Mgr & Cooks, Council grant writers, and more!
If there's a Paradigm shift in your Village or if there needs to BE ONE then contact us today!
AK Village Srvc's.
We make YOU look good......eehh.. at least on Paper.
5 Day Sam ForeCast
Sunday:
98.9 deg F, a few hours of Scattered Samshine until 1600 when Work Winds pick up and theSam!! activity moves throughout Anchorage from Mtn View, Muldoon to Tudor.
On across to Midtown and dipping down into Diamond area then Rising again to MidTown where temps go up to 99.4 and vehicle speeds increase as well.
Intervals of Clouds and Thunder with scattered Samshine finishing off in theTudor to Muldoon areas at Midnight where temps fall back to 98 deg F into evening.
Nights will be partly covered and window wide open for ventilation.
Moon phases will be varied from Full to partial with prolonged tingling after riding stupid bike home.
Repeat Sam Fore Cast for 5 days until standard 2 days off, then theSam!! moves into Downtown area most of theDay and skirts Midtown by mid afternoon then retreating back into Stormy Mtn View.
the5 Day Sam ForeCast is sponsored;
by theVillageEnd Bar-n-Grill,
by thePimento Village Council (Salute!! *hiccup*),
by theDemoKids Village Wrecking & Construction.
AYear Ago with theSam!!
Yr 2005, 5 Day Sam Forecast around the Copper River Valley, under Shadow of the breasts of the CopperRiver AK Princess!!
Temps averaged 99 to 104 deg F, depending upon which AK PrincessEmployee theSam!! was fighting with, argueing with, talking to, listening to, eating with, trying to Hug, spying on, etc.
Intermittent Samshine (IS)in EDR (employee dining room) when Tater Tots and cookies were served. And brief intermittent activity South to Anchorage during day trips.
IS followed by restful periods of inactivity in the Day time.
Then heavy Cold-Front activity from 2130hrs till 0600hrs in isolated cells around theCopperRiver compound as theSam!! put the damper on most fun and merriment being had by employees of thePrincess
Those Were theDays!!
Weekend Village CardBoard Music Charts
1. "Promiscuous" not MY daughter!!
2. "Me & You" and a Dog named Boo......that the VPSO shot.
3. "Hips Don't Lie" they sit on, Bend over, Lean against,
4. "It's Going Down" you shot my boat!
5. "Bossy" Mother-in-Law & Girlfriend.
6. "Because of You" now I'm in Trouble and in jail!!
7. "Coming Undone" by undressing for him...
8. "theDiary of Jane" journals trashed at theDump in your junked family car
9. "Speak" quit slurring and say something intelligible for
crying out loud.
10. "Lips of an Angel" *bites fist*
11. "Crazy" for you big man in Brown.
12. "Now 21" yay!!! Now I can go out and Legally drink....
After much in-Fighting and pouting, weeping wailing and gnashing of teeth, YVC Inc (doh!!) finally decided to give Tele-Phonic Trial space for an advice column.
So if you got problems, and Who doesn't?
Ask theSam!!
Question:
hey Sam!!,
my Village girl friend and I have been seeing each other for 2 months now.
We've fallen madly in love with each other but we're not sure where to take this relationship now.
Some obstacles have presented themselves early on in our relationship, like, my girlfriend says that I have a wandering eye and I guess I have to say that, yes, it's true.
What is wrong with me?
Blind on Smirnoff
Answer:
Hey Smirnoff, You sure get around a lot. Why just yesterday I dumped about a Magnum's worth of you off two young men bound for theVillage. I saved the JD for quiet time with my .22 pistol out at theDump each Sunday, aahhh what peaceful times ventilating JD bottles.... oh!!
Say Smirnoff, Take your relationship to thePreacherman..Fast!!
Throw a big shindig in theVillage, invite about 1000 people from around theState and bring in 3 semi-truck loads of Catered food and drinks. I mean, just get it over with man.
But seriously, get marred and see how you two turn out. Remember that here in MY village, is an Old couple that I see just Plastered every Weekend and I don't bother them because they don't bother each other or anyone else for that matter, they keep things "In-House", if I may use that expression. Maybe you and your girlfriend will have kids and grow old together like the Old couple in my Village.
As for your Wandering Eye, Quit whining sir, there's nothing wrong with you. Now adays I scope out Everyone under theSun and not just for theEye candy either.
It goes like this, see, Two twin-Towers got blown up on the East coast and and... even long before that way back in 1492 when this Boat landed on the East Coast...... After that Everyone is suspect in my eyes, but that's rhetoric for another column
Don't worry about any obstacles, my two biggest obstacles at the time I met my first Village Girlfriend when she was 14 was her Dad and her Granpa. I'd jail her dad for Importation and let Granpa "dispose" of theBooze, crazy old man was "happy" for weeks!!
Problem solved, See??!!
If you love your Girlfriend then marry her and have kids. *sigh*
And if you must, like I have to, when ever I go out with my Girlfriend I hand over both My eyes to her.
She keeps them in her purse right next to my Privates, yes she owns them now and only gives them to me when I get called out on Emergencys or when I go away from theVillage on extended Prisoner transport Trips or week long training seminars.
Oh... and keep a fork or knife handy too in case some Hottie walks by when you're with your girlfriend in public.
Whip either one out and repeat these words; "Must....remove.....eyes....."
It works for me, though I only say "Eye" now-days.
Thanks to one of theVillage Granmas that thought I added too much salt and pepper to her Moose and Bear Soup.
She scooped out an eye quicker than KillBill, though she was aiming for my Tongue.
In a word, Compromise!!
Good luck Smirnoff
theSam!!
Question:
Dear Sam!!
My grown son is back home with me after 10yrs living on his own.
He watches satellite tv into the Night, sleeps all day, drives his Dads snow machines and 4 wheelers completely dry of gas and is now eating me out of house and home!!
Help!!
Homeless Homemaker
Answer:
Mom!....Cut it out!. Geeezzz you tell everyone that tired story.
Mom it's been almost 6yrs since I stayed with you and Dad for ONE freakin' year. After you pulled me off the Streets of Seattle and brought me up here to Alaska.
It was great to be home with you and little sister after being away for so long.
Then I got picked up by theAgency and now I work for them.
I bet you're still gossiping to the Church women and to the Postmaster those same tired tales of when I broke Granmas wood axes. Geee.. that was back in 2001, and 2002 and 2003, 4, 5 and just a few months ago that... nevermind.
And I bet you're still mad at me that I got the 4 wheeler COMPLETELY submerged in that Bog when we went camping.
And I suppose you're still bitter that I shot your "friend", that cute prickly porcupine, the first Summer I was here in AK?!!
Wasn't my fault. I thought a porcupine for Granma was a porcupine, was a porcupine, was a porcupine.
How was I to know that the really Fat ones are best in late Fall??
It's old news. Say something else for crying out loud!!
Besides, I wouldn't have eaten so much if I wasn't scouting theRoad for trees to fall, chainsawing down trees, axe chopping wood for Granma, hauling water, hunting for porcupines anyway.
I wasn't watching tv all the time, did you ever check!!?? Half the time I was asleep on the Sofa anyway.
Goodness!! I never had as much stress doing Day labor jobs, sleeping out of my car or slumming with a Relative in Seattle.
I'd go back there in a minute but I don't have plane fare. Everyone around me keeps a hand out when pay day rolls around here in theVillage and and... *sigh*.
But to answer your question.
Up here in Alaska the Mother Moose keeps her calf(s) close to her always for about a year.
Sometimes she keeps them with her for 2 years. By then they're old enough and big enough to survive on their own and she turns them loose, cuts the apron strings, kicks them out of the Nest, changes the locks on the front door. Whatever...
Lovs Yor Son.... er. I mean.
Hope this advice helps. Besides. I'm already Gone!! Don't you remember that Massive Village party for days after I left?
Love the digital photos you emailed. I have them on 3 different photosites now. d:oP
Until Next time.
Remember, only You can prevent Village and 2nd hand Village too or else I'll hit you in the face with a shovel!!
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