MUSIC MAN SAM!!
Mid October 2006
this message is brought to you by theSam!!,
who wishes he parents would abduct him for a Pre-Wedding shopping trip!!
Since that is how they got him to go with them to Anchorage in April, bribing Jr with foods.
They promised him a burger, fries and shake at OrangeJulius at theMall.
theSam!!
is vehemently defending former Villages where he once lived, where is humor was revered (but most likely endured) for years,
before he finally started his Blog. (Don't bite theHand that feeds!!)
Village Bolognial,
See us for your Insurance needs! No intrusive health questions. No dividends or premium markups. No obligation quotes and absolutely NO payments to make.
In fact....You get no Coverage!!
Village Bolognial!! a division of Oscars, Meyer and Wenner.
Village Chixxx!!
theOnly thing Moral about us is the Mushrooms we pick!!
Village Chixxx!!
When they're not playing Basketball, they're on theLove Rebound. d:oP
Village Chixxx
Battling for their Immoral Souls one party at a time.
Who will be.........theVillages Next Top Waddle!?
-at theGeneral Store after he filled up theDuty truck one day she drove her car on up to Park in front.
She exited theCar with several of her friends and laughed with them as they scurried up the steps.
She had a Pepsi in her hand and finished drinking it, tossed it into the trash can before stepping inside.
He heard her belch louder and longer than his old Girlfriends used to, in fact, she sounded like her "dad".
He had caught a glimpse of her tummy as it gently peeked out from under her short T-shirt.
She was getting fat and it dawned on him that she was pregnant. She wasn't even out of 4th grade either.
theSam!!
going back to TribalCourt Oct 25th!! d:o(
Or is that the time his parents visit theCity?? Hopefully they'll bring his sewing machine, his two cats, his tv, his desktop system, his.......
theSam!!
anxiously awaiting Paternity tests from Anna & Nicoles babies!!
theSam!!
visualizing Whirled Peas as he eats steak & mashed potatos with steamed veggie sides, biscuits with butter, cranberry juice and peach pie alamod at his Fave food hangout in theCity.
theSam!!
now heavily sought after by local community leaders to "just walk through"
so that Civic Planners can successfully lobby for and receive safety Upgrade Fundz due to "bad elements in their midst".
theSam!!
where he belongs
theSam!!
putting Nebraskan's First!!
theSam!!
as Nebraskan as he gets
theSam!!
theChunk with no Junk in his Trunk!! In fact he's got no car.
theSam!!
hello!! it's Me and I disapprove of this Message.
YVC TV!!
this weeks line up on the B ( -) ( -) b Tube.
-theMan with theIron Flask.
Starrring Leonard Hub Caprioput, Jerare inLeg Irons.
Ex VPSO's attempt a bloodless chicken coop against their Former Director,
having failed they settle for TP'ing his Piper Cub at theCity Airport and eating buckets of chicken wings.
-My Wife and Kidzss.
???
This isn't Village tv as NO ONE there ever gets married..........just Marred!!
this show was a Self-Nominated Golden Globe awards winner!
(the small Christmas one that Jr made at school, brought home and it was promptly thrown at Daddy's head by Mommy the next week during a routine Domestic Event / DE Friday night Smackdown fight).
Other awards for this tragic comedy is:
an Earth Globe,
theOne in theKintergarteners class room at school when Mother had yet another disagreement with Dad about who's side of theFamily that stupidity came from. Mother threw the plastic Globe and Dad ducked (again)
and the highly coveted Prestigious Sylvania Black Award,
the kind that sits in just about Everyone's living rooms somewhere on the Entertainment shelf console.
Jr's Dad and Mom decided to Smackdown again and Dad hit his head against theSylvania tv set, "the big black box".
This MWaK show is must see tv folks. See it before someone gets drunk and hocks it,
or before someone gets their head put into it, or before someone sells it to theVPSO
and it craps out on him and he takes it to theDump and uses it for target practice.
-All Sled Dogs Go to Heaven.
this Exploitive Documentary that was a Smash hit at theTrooper Academy and at various Regional Trainings around theState was eventually Tribal Court Ordered to be Laid to Rest!!
But Popular demanded that it be Resurrected and brought back for yet another "run!!" around theVillage.
All new installments of :
See Spot Run!..................then flip and thrash around.
then kick and back arches and defecates while gushing spurts of....
K-9 FlatLine!................... theOut of thePound and Into theGround howler. Starring Mary & Shelly's dog "Frank" and their beer Stein
Young village kids try to play doctor to all thePups that were Innoculated by theVPSO and ended up unraveling abdominal Nueter stitches left by the Veternarian.
So, who's up for long links of sausage...Anyone?? anyone??
My Dog Has Fleas!!.................then Flies, Worms and Maggots.
A side crunching, head splitting, chest bursting, spine snapping Yipping howling good time!!
Boasts an additional 45mins of footage and 2 new Calibers!!
Special guest appearance by theNew VPO and his customized takedown AK 37 with Tracer rounds.
And for you Village Chixxx that like to sit around and do nothing but watch tv,
theWomen-stuck-in-the-Village-for-a-Lifetime Channel presents theMurder Mystery of theWeek:
-Flashlight
Starring Village Vixen CharlieGirl, pot-head sister Joyce and a collapsed Bundt cake.
A diabolical village tries to drive it's VPSO insane................................................and succeeds!!
Just charge This One right out of theBox for 12hrs before use and conveniently sew together a nylon carry case for it before losing it to a Villager who failed to return it afterwards during a Search & Rescue of a local Run-a-way Girl
(for the 5th time that FIRST freaking year......eh,
I meant theRunaway Juvie. The "Can I borrow yours?? mine's at home" thing
happened 4 dozen times that first month on the job)
Please remember to quietly enter theHouse during theNext gun call while theIntruder (of all People!!) is baking ok??
Lest he freaks out and then everyone, including you, "Technically" become White People, as theCriminal Chef douses everything with white flour and suddenly all your good childhood memories-of Granma, Mom and other loved ones that cooked delicious baked goods-are now distorted thanks to that one "quiet" winter night in theVillage.
Rated 3.5 volts for 75hrs.
and last but not least, a fun loving flick that was dying to hang around us here at YVC TV
-Suspended Sentence.............by theNeck (and legs kicking!!)
a highly aclaimed follow up to last month's Slap on-the-Wrist,
SS follows the hip hop happenings of Inebriate Dale and his entourage as they attempt to break into school teacher housing storage and host their own fashion runway show by trying on Mrs Pastel's clothes.
True to Vogue ragtime gossip columns on News Stands everywhere, there ARE fashion police out there, far FAR out there in theVillages.
In this case, in the guise of Village Police and Village Public Safety Officers that did arrive at Dale's gathering and started handing out "Citations" one baton stroke at a time!!
After watching this show time and time again you'll want to sit on thePorch drinking and crying your eyes out, babbling to anyone that will listen of how fu**ed up your family is and all the tragedy that happened to your village.
Go on and babble...... we got 2.5 yrs!!
theSam!!
the sticky wet exam glove of Alaska Village Public Safety.
theSam!!
Trouble?! he's in it.
Debt?! he's in it.
Love?! he's in that too!!
he loves cute Village babies, cute cuddly bear cubs, cute moose calves and he loves to eat bear meat and moose soup while bouncing a kid on his knee!!
theSam!!
theRegion's Lame duck Occifer!!
he will inevitably attempt to call "Another" special Village Council session before Dec 2006, touting to Villagers and other Nebraskans alike that he's still a really good deal for theState.
theSam!!
Noon 2!!
Shooting himself in his own foot-doh!!
theVillage!!
Advanced until HIS next pay day.
See Officer Sam!! any time day or night!!
You can be from theNext Village over and still get theFundz you want and deserve.
theVillage!!
theBest things in life are free at YVC.
You just pay out theNose for Shipping to your Village and or Storage costs until we can send it out.
And you also pay with your future Grandchildren any Restocking fees, Return fees and for-the-Helluv-It fees.
the100 Days of Sam!! are now officially over.
What with his cameo appearances at Carl'sJr's and his sudden appearances Guarding various Liquor venues and events, his plate was full enough already but theSam!! found time to keep building his Fuzzy kittie collection.
Found time enough to ride his Mountain Bike over Hill and Dale (two pesky Inebriates that kept begging everyone within sight for handouts) and time enough to answer all his emails.
This summer marked another Freebie for theSam!! as he counted yet another free trip around theSun in August.Aren't we within theLocal Group towards the outer edge of the Perseus Arm??
theSam!! as aged and wise as he has become these last "24" yrs, has only two questions.
Where are we going? and.........Why am I in this Hand basket??
There ya' have it. If any of you Blog readers can succinctly answer these two questions for theSam!! you'll get a Trip up here to Alaska!!
Yes, you'll get to fly up here and stay in Anchorage a few days and get fleeced by all theTourist shops before renting a car and taking a road trip to Interior Fairbanks. You can lodge there too.
Yep, you heard theSam!! when he said, that the theSuccinctest Person to answer him via email will get a trip up here to Alaska. There's just one catch.
You're paying for Everything!!.............................. Oh come on.
You've always wanted to C AK B4 UDI
Nows a great time as any to do just this.
Since theWhole world is headed straight for hell and everyone's in their own hand basket.Mine's got a lid on it so that I can sleep comfortably.
Now That's What I Call village Music!!
YVD (((*Ssccrreeaammss!!!!*))) has scoured every Village dump in theRegion and even snuck into theOther Regional non-Profit areas to spy upon our fellow Nativ...uh. upon our fellow Breeds. Our agents were tasked with one directive.
To find theBest Music hits of the 1970's, 1980's, 1990's and even today!!
But theSource of which had to come from what people tossed out of their lives.
(Tossin' and Turnin', turnin' and tossin', a tossin' and a turnin' allll night!!)
"take out the papers and the trash,,, or you don't get no spendi..."
Ok ok, we know you saw that one coming.
In the next paragraphs I'm not so sure on the words of the original songs.
I should be because I spent most of my life listening to a.m. and then f.m radio
But I make up for it all by having fun singing and "dancing wit my se elf".
Name that Tune
-Lost in theWoods and I don't care much, Can't find my Stash Car's broken theClutch. Friends waiting on me, Eager to drink all they wanted. (AirSupply)
-She's just (8, 10, 12, 14 or 16- take your pick!!) yrs old, "Leave her alone!!!" they said. Separated by fools who don't know.... Oh. that's the Actual song. Never mind. Moving on.
-Speak theTruth, or make your Pee some other way!!
Wait... that's another actual song that theSam!! loves.
Especially after he drinks alot of juice, pop and water then has to get up frequently during theNight.
theSam!!, He makes his P some other way.
-You Can't go on, talking. See him Yawn. Who's gonna drive ya' home tonight!!??
Who's gonna tell when, you'll get Bailed out. He's just gonna plug his ears when you scream.......You Can't go on, talking. See him *yawn*... Who's gonna drive ya' home tonight!!??
(No one will coz he's got theKeys and you're in Jail) (theCarrs)
-Once upon a Time there was Light in my Life, Then his spotlight battery died.
Nothing I can say, I've got theSpit Hood on, I've got theSpit Hood on.
Turn around Glass-eyed!! turn around Glass eyed, turn around...ooooo hhooooooo (Bonnie T)
This next tune is best done and over dramatized by a large bloody Village male,
preferably one who's face is yellow orange from OC spray and he's still hanging onto his Assault victim all the while screaming at you gesturing and exclaiming-that "he owes you!!", possibly from the last beating you gave him after arresting him and he attacked you?? I dunno. but listen up.
-I would do Aanny thing for Fuel, I'd follow you to theGeneral store and back. (home probably, where he waits in the bone chilling cold for you to sleep before siphoning your tank and gas cans)
I would do annything for fuel, but I won't do that.....(most likely an honest minute of Work) (Meatloaf)
the Followup to this tune is best done and over dramatized by a large Gorgeous teen female, preferably one who's face is perfectly oval whose sides are compressed as if by a ThighMaster.... eyahhh!! I joke.
Preferably done by one who's face is ghostly white yet her eyes are coal black and and her skimpy Winter clothes only have a thread count of 2 per square inch, and she inhales one cigarette or cigar in 2 puffs.
-Will you love me forever!??
Let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the Morning....
Will you love me for ever? Will you love me forever!??
(commences to brow beat you, stomping her feet and jiggling her breasts very angrily)
-Saturday! in theJail. I think it was the 4th of July!!
(sorry, I forget the Artist, but whomever sang it while in theVillage most likely saw lots and lots of Stars after being struck by theBaton)
And this one is theSam!!'s favorite tune
-Walking in Mentos, I was walking with my feet ten feet off eggshells!!
walking in Mentos, do you really think I'm going to tell?
(I can say that in real Life that I've been there to both places, Beale St and Front St!!)
-After 5 miles, I cut theKnapsack free, cos theOfficer still behind me.
(chorus) Now I'm sitting in theJail calling Flyinghorse names, at least I'm out of theRain. In theVillage, you can call your Officer names cos he's the only one there for to give you some Pain
laa laaa la la la la la naa na....
(America)
-In theMiddle of a "disney" movie, in a village where they turn back time.
He goes strolling through the crowd, a village son, after committing a crime.....
......She stumbles out of theHouse in a torn dress, nose broke like a fountain color of red pain.
Don't bother asking for explanations she'll just tell you that she's Anem (ic)
My Car Tires Flat!!
..........she doesn't leave you time for Interview questions, as you lock up your relatives with hers,
you chase her through the woods, follow until your sense of direction, like her stash, completely disappears.
.........your thumbs beat, she moans and strains (and all her relatives by the door) remains giggling till the new born day....
You know some time your bound to leave her Village, but Dammit!! for now you gotta stay.
My Car Tires Flat!! (alex stewart) sorry alex.
-Mad Eyes,,, turn the other way, I don't wanna stand before theCouncil (again)
Mad eyes, you knew there'd come a day, etc, etc ad nauseum....
-I can see clearly now theSting is gone, I can see these vertical bars standing in my way. gone is the Pain fog that had me blind, gon be bright, bright sunshiny 90 days!! d:oP
-My friends phoned, said you were coming. Yeah I know that Importing here ain't right. Passed out while watching a movie, you make me bleed just to know I'm alive!!
And I don't want theVillage to see me, chasing across Granpas land.
when everything in the house is broken, I just want you to...no... NO.. no Sam!!!! d:oD
Strum your acoustic guitars to this one.
-Oh they say she drank one winter, and the coke was like powdered snow
and the car that she set on fire, busted down the road.
In the drug bust, everything was lost.
She went and claimed Welfare!!....
signed up for Welfare!!! on well farreee er!
by the dark of the moon, they partied, till someone said "gotta go".
and that stupid moron named horse s**t busted down her door.
......and on Trooper plane you're all gonna go.
we ran screaming It's Not Fair!!,
we ran screaming It's Not Fair!!,
It's noo oooot Fair.
There's been an Officer stalking by my cabin now, 6 nights in a row. He's coming to arrest me I know!!
in his patrol car we're both gonna go. (destroy the evidence, burn the stash!!)
we ran screaming It's Not Fair!!, It's not fair.
signed up for weeelllfare.... (quiet piano that is actually played by theSam!!)
and every body's favorite tune from Kansas.
-I close my eyes, only for a moment, open, he's still there-Not Gone!!
ankles then Jeans, pass before my eyes behind my ears-a Curiosity
Dust up her nose, all we are is Coke up her nose.
play ping pong, Just a drop of liquor Goose and Drambuie!!
all we do, stumble all around, ignore him!! Refuse to see.
Meth up her nose, all we are is Smoke out her nose.
Coke..*sniff* can't feel my toes.. all we are is Dust up her nose.
now, can't hang on. Tribal Court laughs together, Big her Girth, her thighs
she slips away, and all your arrest reports won't another minute Accuse and Try.
Dust up her nose, all we are is Coke up her nose
Meth....*sniff* bugs crawl begins,
now go out and pee in theWind............theWind...
How about this one??
-should have known better, didn't see you're cruel
Rover, Rover!!, Where are you??!!.
Wanted VPSO help, hired you, my first mistake
Found out the hard way, Village complained yesterday
You wanted to remove someone, and Spot was theOne.
They screamed....You just shot Lucky!!
I can't believe it, 100yds Through One eye.
You just shot Lucky, Now he's skinned, cut up and dried
They emailed.....You just shot Lucky!!
now you want him Chicken Fried
You just shot Lucky!!
Do you want some Curly fries??
(sorry Dokken)
More Sillies from theSam!! coming up.
Mid October 2006
this message is brought to you by theSam!!,
who wishes he parents would abduct him for a Pre-Wedding shopping trip!!
Since that is how they got him to go with them to Anchorage in April, bribing Jr with foods.
They promised him a burger, fries and shake at OrangeJulius at theMall.
theSam!!
is vehemently defending former Villages where he once lived, where is humor was revered (but most likely endured) for years,
before he finally started his Blog. (Don't bite theHand that feeds!!)
Village Bolognial,
See us for your Insurance needs! No intrusive health questions. No dividends or premium markups. No obligation quotes and absolutely NO payments to make.
In fact....You get no Coverage!!
Village Bolognial!! a division of Oscars, Meyer and Wenner.
Village Chixxx!!
theOnly thing Moral about us is the Mushrooms we pick!!
Village Chixxx!!
When they're not playing Basketball, they're on theLove Rebound. d:oP
Village Chixxx
Battling for their Immoral Souls one party at a time.
Who will be.........theVillages Next Top Waddle!?
-at theGeneral Store after he filled up theDuty truck one day she drove her car on up to Park in front.
She exited theCar with several of her friends and laughed with them as they scurried up the steps.
She had a Pepsi in her hand and finished drinking it, tossed it into the trash can before stepping inside.
He heard her belch louder and longer than his old Girlfriends used to, in fact, she sounded like her "dad".
He had caught a glimpse of her tummy as it gently peeked out from under her short T-shirt.
She was getting fat and it dawned on him that she was pregnant. She wasn't even out of 4th grade either.
theSam!!
going back to TribalCourt Oct 25th!! d:o(
Or is that the time his parents visit theCity?? Hopefully they'll bring his sewing machine, his two cats, his tv, his desktop system, his.......
theSam!!
anxiously awaiting Paternity tests from Anna & Nicoles babies!!
theSam!!
visualizing Whirled Peas as he eats steak & mashed potatos with steamed veggie sides, biscuits with butter, cranberry juice and peach pie alamod at his Fave food hangout in theCity.
theSam!!
now heavily sought after by local community leaders to "just walk through"
so that Civic Planners can successfully lobby for and receive safety Upgrade Fundz due to "bad elements in their midst".
theSam!!
where he belongs
theSam!!
putting Nebraskan's First!!
theSam!!
as Nebraskan as he gets
theSam!!
theChunk with no Junk in his Trunk!! In fact he's got no car.
theSam!!
hello!! it's Me and I disapprove of this Message.
YVC TV!!
this weeks line up on the B ( -) ( -) b Tube.
-theMan with theIron Flask.
Starrring Leonard Hub Caprioput, Jerare inLeg Irons.
Ex VPSO's attempt a bloodless chicken coop against their Former Director,
having failed they settle for TP'ing his Piper Cub at theCity Airport and eating buckets of chicken wings.
-My Wife and Kidzss.
???
This isn't Village tv as NO ONE there ever gets married..........just Marred!!
this show was a Self-Nominated Golden Globe awards winner!
(the small Christmas one that Jr made at school, brought home and it was promptly thrown at Daddy's head by Mommy the next week during a routine Domestic Event / DE Friday night Smackdown fight).
Other awards for this tragic comedy is:
an Earth Globe,
theOne in theKintergarteners class room at school when Mother had yet another disagreement with Dad about who's side of theFamily that stupidity came from. Mother threw the plastic Globe and Dad ducked (again)
and the highly coveted Prestigious Sylvania Black Award,
the kind that sits in just about Everyone's living rooms somewhere on the Entertainment shelf console.
Jr's Dad and Mom decided to Smackdown again and Dad hit his head against theSylvania tv set, "the big black box".
This MWaK show is must see tv folks. See it before someone gets drunk and hocks it,
or before someone gets their head put into it, or before someone sells it to theVPSO
and it craps out on him and he takes it to theDump and uses it for target practice.
-All Sled Dogs Go to Heaven.
this Exploitive Documentary that was a Smash hit at theTrooper Academy and at various Regional Trainings around theState was eventually Tribal Court Ordered to be Laid to Rest!!
But Popular demanded that it be Resurrected and brought back for yet another "run!!" around theVillage.
All new installments of :
See Spot Run!..................then flip and thrash around.
then kick and back arches and defecates while gushing spurts of....
K-9 FlatLine!................... theOut of thePound and Into theGround howler. Starring Mary & Shelly's dog "Frank" and their beer Stein
Young village kids try to play doctor to all thePups that were Innoculated by theVPSO and ended up unraveling abdominal Nueter stitches left by the Veternarian.
So, who's up for long links of sausage...Anyone?? anyone??
My Dog Has Fleas!!.................then Flies, Worms and Maggots.
A side crunching, head splitting, chest bursting, spine snapping Yipping howling good time!!
Boasts an additional 45mins of footage and 2 new Calibers!!
Special guest appearance by theNew VPO and his customized takedown AK 37 with Tracer rounds.
And for you Village Chixxx that like to sit around and do nothing but watch tv,
theWomen-stuck-in-the-Village-for-a-Lifetime Channel presents theMurder Mystery of theWeek:
-Flashlight
Starring Village Vixen CharlieGirl, pot-head sister Joyce and a collapsed Bundt cake.
A diabolical village tries to drive it's VPSO insane................................................and succeeds!!
Just charge This One right out of theBox for 12hrs before use and conveniently sew together a nylon carry case for it before losing it to a Villager who failed to return it afterwards during a Search & Rescue of a local Run-a-way Girl
(for the 5th time that FIRST freaking year......eh,
I meant theRunaway Juvie. The "Can I borrow yours?? mine's at home" thing
happened 4 dozen times that first month on the job)
Please remember to quietly enter theHouse during theNext gun call while theIntruder (of all People!!) is baking ok??
Lest he freaks out and then everyone, including you, "Technically" become White People, as theCriminal Chef douses everything with white flour and suddenly all your good childhood memories-of Granma, Mom and other loved ones that cooked delicious baked goods-are now distorted thanks to that one "quiet" winter night in theVillage.
Rated 3.5 volts for 75hrs.
and last but not least, a fun loving flick that was dying to hang around us here at YVC TV
-Suspended Sentence.............by theNeck (and legs kicking!!)
a highly aclaimed follow up to last month's Slap on-the-Wrist,
SS follows the hip hop happenings of Inebriate Dale and his entourage as they attempt to break into school teacher housing storage and host their own fashion runway show by trying on Mrs Pastel's clothes.
True to Vogue ragtime gossip columns on News Stands everywhere, there ARE fashion police out there, far FAR out there in theVillages.
In this case, in the guise of Village Police and Village Public Safety Officers that did arrive at Dale's gathering and started handing out "Citations" one baton stroke at a time!!
After watching this show time and time again you'll want to sit on thePorch drinking and crying your eyes out, babbling to anyone that will listen of how fu**ed up your family is and all the tragedy that happened to your village.
Go on and babble...... we got 2.5 yrs!!
theSam!!
the sticky wet exam glove of Alaska Village Public Safety.
theSam!!
Trouble?! he's in it.
Debt?! he's in it.
Love?! he's in that too!!
he loves cute Village babies, cute cuddly bear cubs, cute moose calves and he loves to eat bear meat and moose soup while bouncing a kid on his knee!!
theSam!!
theRegion's Lame duck Occifer!!
he will inevitably attempt to call "Another" special Village Council session before Dec 2006, touting to Villagers and other Nebraskans alike that he's still a really good deal for theState.
theSam!!
Noon 2!!
Shooting himself in his own foot-doh!!
theVillage!!
Advanced until HIS next pay day.
See Officer Sam!! any time day or night!!
You can be from theNext Village over and still get theFundz you want and deserve.
theVillage!!
theBest things in life are free at YVC.
You just pay out theNose for Shipping to your Village and or Storage costs until we can send it out.
And you also pay with your future Grandchildren any Restocking fees, Return fees and for-the-Helluv-It fees.
the100 Days of Sam!! are now officially over.
What with his cameo appearances at Carl'sJr's and his sudden appearances Guarding various Liquor venues and events, his plate was full enough already but theSam!! found time to keep building his Fuzzy kittie collection.
Found time enough to ride his Mountain Bike over Hill and Dale (two pesky Inebriates that kept begging everyone within sight for handouts) and time enough to answer all his emails.
This summer marked another Freebie for theSam!! as he counted yet another free trip around theSun in August.Aren't we within theLocal Group towards the outer edge of the Perseus Arm??
theSam!! as aged and wise as he has become these last "24" yrs, has only two questions.
Where are we going? and.........Why am I in this Hand basket??
There ya' have it. If any of you Blog readers can succinctly answer these two questions for theSam!! you'll get a Trip up here to Alaska!!
Yes, you'll get to fly up here and stay in Anchorage a few days and get fleeced by all theTourist shops before renting a car and taking a road trip to Interior Fairbanks. You can lodge there too.
Yep, you heard theSam!! when he said, that the theSuccinctest Person to answer him via email will get a trip up here to Alaska. There's just one catch.
You're paying for Everything!!.............................. Oh come on.
You've always wanted to C AK B4 UDI
Nows a great time as any to do just this.
Since theWhole world is headed straight for hell and everyone's in their own hand basket.Mine's got a lid on it so that I can sleep comfortably.
Now That's What I Call village Music!!
YVD (((*Ssccrreeaammss!!!!*))) has scoured every Village dump in theRegion and even snuck into theOther Regional non-Profit areas to spy upon our fellow Nativ...uh. upon our fellow Breeds. Our agents were tasked with one directive.
To find theBest Music hits of the 1970's, 1980's, 1990's and even today!!
But theSource of which had to come from what people tossed out of their lives.
(Tossin' and Turnin', turnin' and tossin', a tossin' and a turnin' allll night!!)
"take out the papers and the trash,,, or you don't get no spendi..."
Ok ok, we know you saw that one coming.
In the next paragraphs I'm not so sure on the words of the original songs.
I should be because I spent most of my life listening to a.m. and then f.m radio
But I make up for it all by having fun singing and "dancing wit my se elf".
Name that Tune
-Lost in theWoods and I don't care much, Can't find my Stash Car's broken theClutch. Friends waiting on me, Eager to drink all they wanted. (AirSupply)
-She's just (8, 10, 12, 14 or 16- take your pick!!) yrs old, "Leave her alone!!!" they said. Separated by fools who don't know.... Oh. that's the Actual song. Never mind. Moving on.
-Speak theTruth, or make your Pee some other way!!
Wait... that's another actual song that theSam!! loves.
Especially after he drinks alot of juice, pop and water then has to get up frequently during theNight.
theSam!!, He makes his P some other way.
-You Can't go on, talking. See him Yawn. Who's gonna drive ya' home tonight!!??
Who's gonna tell when, you'll get Bailed out. He's just gonna plug his ears when you scream.......You Can't go on, talking. See him *yawn*... Who's gonna drive ya' home tonight!!??
(No one will coz he's got theKeys and you're in Jail) (theCarrs)
-Once upon a Time there was Light in my Life, Then his spotlight battery died.
Nothing I can say, I've got theSpit Hood on, I've got theSpit Hood on.
Turn around Glass-eyed!! turn around Glass eyed, turn around...ooooo hhooooooo (Bonnie T)
This next tune is best done and over dramatized by a large bloody Village male,
preferably one who's face is yellow orange from OC spray and he's still hanging onto his Assault victim all the while screaming at you gesturing and exclaiming-that "he owes you!!", possibly from the last beating you gave him after arresting him and he attacked you?? I dunno. but listen up.
-I would do Aanny thing for Fuel, I'd follow you to theGeneral store and back. (home probably, where he waits in the bone chilling cold for you to sleep before siphoning your tank and gas cans)
I would do annything for fuel, but I won't do that.....(most likely an honest minute of Work) (Meatloaf)
the Followup to this tune is best done and over dramatized by a large Gorgeous teen female, preferably one who's face is perfectly oval whose sides are compressed as if by a ThighMaster.... eyahhh!! I joke.
Preferably done by one who's face is ghostly white yet her eyes are coal black and and her skimpy Winter clothes only have a thread count of 2 per square inch, and she inhales one cigarette or cigar in 2 puffs.
-Will you love me forever!??
Let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the Morning....
Will you love me for ever? Will you love me forever!??
(commences to brow beat you, stomping her feet and jiggling her breasts very angrily)
-Saturday! in theJail. I think it was the 4th of July!!
(sorry, I forget the Artist, but whomever sang it while in theVillage most likely saw lots and lots of Stars after being struck by theBaton)
And this one is theSam!!'s favorite tune
-Walking in Mentos, I was walking with my feet ten feet off eggshells!!
walking in Mentos, do you really think I'm going to tell?
(I can say that in real Life that I've been there to both places, Beale St and Front St!!)
-After 5 miles, I cut theKnapsack free, cos theOfficer still behind me.
(chorus) Now I'm sitting in theJail calling Flyinghorse names, at least I'm out of theRain. In theVillage, you can call your Officer names cos he's the only one there for to give you some Pain
laa laaa la la la la la naa na....
(America)
-In theMiddle of a "disney" movie, in a village where they turn back time.
He goes strolling through the crowd, a village son, after committing a crime.....
......She stumbles out of theHouse in a torn dress, nose broke like a fountain color of red pain.
Don't bother asking for explanations she'll just tell you that she's Anem (ic)
My Car Tires Flat!!
..........she doesn't leave you time for Interview questions, as you lock up your relatives with hers,
you chase her through the woods, follow until your sense of direction, like her stash, completely disappears.
.........your thumbs beat, she moans and strains (and all her relatives by the door) remains giggling till the new born day....
You know some time your bound to leave her Village, but Dammit!! for now you gotta stay.
My Car Tires Flat!! (alex stewart) sorry alex.
-Mad Eyes,,, turn the other way, I don't wanna stand before theCouncil (again)
Mad eyes, you knew there'd come a day, etc, etc ad nauseum....
-I can see clearly now theSting is gone, I can see these vertical bars standing in my way. gone is the Pain fog that had me blind, gon be bright, bright sunshiny 90 days!! d:oP
-My friends phoned, said you were coming. Yeah I know that Importing here ain't right. Passed out while watching a movie, you make me bleed just to know I'm alive!!
And I don't want theVillage to see me, chasing across Granpas land.
when everything in the house is broken, I just want you to...no... NO.. no Sam!!!! d:oD
Strum your acoustic guitars to this one.
-Oh they say she drank one winter, and the coke was like powdered snow
and the car that she set on fire, busted down the road.
In the drug bust, everything was lost.
She went and claimed Welfare!!....
signed up for Welfare!!! on well farreee er!
by the dark of the moon, they partied, till someone said "gotta go".
and that stupid moron named horse s**t busted down her door.
......and on Trooper plane you're all gonna go.
we ran screaming It's Not Fair!!,
we ran screaming It's Not Fair!!,
It's noo oooot Fair.
There's been an Officer stalking by my cabin now, 6 nights in a row. He's coming to arrest me I know!!
in his patrol car we're both gonna go. (destroy the evidence, burn the stash!!)
we ran screaming It's Not Fair!!, It's not fair.
signed up for weeelllfare.... (quiet piano that is actually played by theSam!!)
and every body's favorite tune from Kansas.
-I close my eyes, only for a moment, open, he's still there-Not Gone!!
ankles then Jeans, pass before my eyes behind my ears-a Curiosity
Dust up her nose, all we are is Coke up her nose.
play ping pong, Just a drop of liquor Goose and Drambuie!!
all we do, stumble all around, ignore him!! Refuse to see.
Meth up her nose, all we are is Smoke out her nose.
Coke..*sniff* can't feel my toes.. all we are is Dust up her nose.
now, can't hang on. Tribal Court laughs together, Big her Girth, her thighs
she slips away, and all your arrest reports won't another minute Accuse and Try.
Dust up her nose, all we are is Coke up her nose
Meth....*sniff* bugs crawl begins,
now go out and pee in theWind............theWind...
How about this one??
-should have known better, didn't see you're cruel
Rover, Rover!!, Where are you??!!.
Wanted VPSO help, hired you, my first mistake
Found out the hard way, Village complained yesterday
You wanted to remove someone, and Spot was theOne.
They screamed....You just shot Lucky!!
I can't believe it, 100yds Through One eye.
You just shot Lucky, Now he's skinned, cut up and dried
They emailed.....You just shot Lucky!!
now you want him Chicken Fried
You just shot Lucky!!
Do you want some Curly fries??
(sorry Dokken)
More Sillies from theSam!! coming up.
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