Green Aprons!!, He is There
GreenApron's thePlaceToBe!!,
(Inspired by the old time Sitcom, GreenAcres!!)
GreenApron’s thePlace to be, Knotted tightly so I can’t breathe.....*Gasp!!-gasp*
Sammy I love you now place these flyers up & down theAve!!
theChores!!,
theStores!!,
GreenAprons we Are There!!....
well. Sam is d:o(
----------------
The Twelve Days of Barista!! / 12 Days of Christmas
w/ Appropriate Corporate / DailyLife of a Barista symbolism!! from theSam!! d:o(
On the First day of Brewing my LC (LearningCoach) Gave to me!!
a Paycheck for a Penny!!
On the Second day of Brewing my LC Gave to me!!
Two piercedLobes and a paycheck for a penny!!
On the3rd Day of Working my StoreManagers Gave to me!!
3 Glad Hands!!, Two ParkingLot sweeps and a Paycheck for a Penny!!
On the4th Day of Working my Partner!! (Starbucks term for CoWorker) Gave to Me!!
4 TRO’s, ( temp Restraining Orders!!, just check “HER” name on AK court view!! d:oP, and get this, It’s NOT my child!!)
3 backHands!! d:oD,
Two punched guts and TrampStampView of her Heiny!!
On the5th Day of Slavery, CARRS / Safeway gave to me!!
ffiiiiveeeee minnnuuutteesss tooooo EEEAAATTTT, d:o(
4 bath rooms breaks, 3 badService marks, 2 headAches and a Paycheck for a Penny!!
d:oP
On the6th Day of Brewing my Customers gave to me!! d:oO !!
6 nebes a Sitting!! (that is, after these Inebriates buy 12oz Americanos and then drink up all my Carafe milk!!, they sit all day in theFoodCourt sipping coffee, bothering Paying customers and expect free coffee refills!!)
5 Toe Rings!! (genuine gold and silver toeRings from theSnippy, Gottschalk’s shopping Society ladies, probably Management bitching at me and having me remake their latte’s for them after giving me an ass kicking!!..... again)
4 Falling lowRiders!! *big, BIG grin!!* (and one MILF was so preOccupied with her 2yr old walking to theCar, I saw where her babies come from - from BEHIND!! - till she pulled up her droopy sweatBottoms)
3 Wet Lens!! (from having extremely unsatisfied customers slop their drinks upon my face, and glasses!!)
2 Stairway Shoves (when I was walking down!!)
and a Middle Finger for helping them carry Groceries!!
gaaawwwwd I love this job.
On the 7th Day of Working theCamera’s Spied on Me!!
7 Liquor Store Visits,
6 Aisle Grazings,
5 Toilet Rings!! (5 bathroom visits an hour!!)
4 Partner hugs!!
3 smacked hands!! (from hugging theCute Partners!!)
2 SteamPitcher Over flows (HAL my Latte Machine doesn’t like me)
and TILL-skim for a Penny!!
On the 8th week of Starbucks theSiren Gave to me!!
8 Pallets Merching!! (and we had thanksgiving week to sell that crap!!)
7 past Quarters floundering!! (Improve sales now or get fired)
6 weeks to SELL (Christmas is next so move theThanksgiving Merch!!)
5 new Employeeeeeesss!! (but they were gone in just as many days)
4 NEW drinks (as if the other 20 Regular and 8 Holiday treats AREN’T enough!!??)
3 Marker Pens (btw Safeway Store mgr, theSam!! has no idea whom is tagging theStore and adjacent Mall in black pen, or your Cars for that matter!!, none!!, no clue.... absolutely no idea)
2 Coffee Pucks (theDEAD coffee that gets dumped out every hour of steady use, is compacted into tiny small Pucks we toss into the garbage)
and Another Corporate Faxed ADVISORY!! (blechh!! )
On the 9th Straight Day of Working!! by BODY said to me,
theFloor Won’t stop Moving,
my Bones are Aching,
worked 7 days hallucinating
worked 6 while Puking!!
Lets goo Drinnnkinng!!!!
4 more hours
then a new week begins
And those two demons in the StoreReefer
wont stop screeaming!!!
On the 10th Day of Hell Week, my Partner Said to me!!
10 Remakes Waiting!! (and she’s the one that flubbed those drinks too!!, WTF!!)
9 Travelers Calling!! ( a Traveler is a 3 Litre box of Coffee or Hot Chocolate that we make on a days Notice, but lately, everyone wants a dozen made in an hour!!, and they each take 10mins to make and stock!!, we brew theCoffee, Mix theCocao and SteamWand heat it UP and stock up cups, napkins, cupCovers, straws, stirSticks and other condiments)
8 Cups a Sipping!!, (everyone but me has medical conditions or needs constant hydration in theKiosk, I don’t eat or drink behind Kiosk but everyone else does, shheeesh)
7 Deli’s Running!! (referring to thePeople that order from the Deli counter or the Bakery and then carry their food to the front of the CARRS Safeway store and suddenly make a break for the Exit doors)
6 Till Over rides!! ( well, sweetheart, with those 5” glamour nails ya’ got on your hands, you’re bound to push the wrong key pads on the Touch screen and Freeze Up the Register, then you have to call for Manager OverRide, but they’re too busy chasing theDeli Runners!!
5 Broken dreams!! (I know that Connecting with my female partners and bonding is fun, but come on, I don’t wanna hear how your Mom drinks, that you hate your kids, that your sister is Fat and that your husband wrecked the car. I mean, ALL this stuff happened last week, and last month and when we first started as fresh CoffeeBeans working at theKiosk, sheeesh,
give me a break!!)
4 Lost Loves!! (and I’m not talking about the 5 broken dreams that my Partner keeps sobbing over, I’m talking of those Cute Vixens that “I’ve” come to love and Lose all in 5 mins each while making their drinks for them, it’s my HellWeek, I gotta have fun too ya’ know)
3 extra pounds!!
2 large breasts!! (and believe me, this is the best gripes that my partners have that I’m actually interested in!!)
and a pay check that barely broke Four Hundred Thirty!! ( I barely clear a hundred a week as a licensed store Barista)
On the 11th Month of City Life my Family Said to me!!
11 Kids and Counting!! (in reference to my Fertile sister who’s popping out kids every year while I’m child-less and POOR)
10 Grand and Counting!! (Mom’s reference to how much Dad makes a MONTH up on theNorthSlope while I make less than $5hr and no tips)
9 Job Offers waiting!! (Mom’s reference to Dad’s tremendous job prospects while he’s away working, sheeeesh, Leave me alone!!)
8 VillageChixxx!! (again, Mom’s finally caught on to my sardonic humor about villageChicks!! and how they rule, now she taunts me from afar and tells me that a new batch of lovelies have graduated and some are just Waiting!! in theVillage for someone to save them.)
7 Houses Empty!! ( I guess that Tribal housing has opened up considerably!!, even theHottest VillageChick!! w/ her 2 boys are now “husbandless / fatherless” in theVillage!!, and to top it all off, they keep asking about me every time they see my Mom)
6 Moose are waiting!! (in reference to the bountiful hunting out in theVillage!!, what mother never hears from me each week, is that Sonny boy has to run from a Moose while walking to work or has to walk and bus a wide berth around grazing CityMoose each week!!)
5 Cake Rings!! (and who can resist Mama’s home cooking!?, anyone?, anyone?)
4 Black Hats (Mom’s way of saying that my Trooper friends sometimes visit theVillage!! and ask about me, she knows I loved thePublicSafetyWork and would jump at the chance to do that again)
3 Months free rent (of course, I gotta move back to theVillage!! to get that free rent)
2 Steam baths!! (I finally figured out that 2 villageChixxx!! live all alone and they each have a steamBath house behind their villageApts!!, in city terms, that’s like having a hotChick girlfriend with a private HotTub and lots of Privacy!!)
and an empty house in theVillage!! waiting just for me, (and no one wanted me to live their back when I first moved into the darn village!!)
On the 12th day of Brewing my Green Apron gave to me!!
12 Managers drumming!! (their fingers in impatience, sitting up in their offices waiting for me to appear for my Reviews)
11 employees quitting!! (so that means taking away “MY” days off to pick up the slack!!)
10 Fingers lifting!! (cos someones making theTill Register count wayyy off, so, for a couple of months now, every shift sign in gets a new till count)
9 Customers complaining!! (and they practically dance theChorusLine of Caffiene withDrawals when they line up to gripe at me)
8 Jugs a leaking!! (and that’s just cos 3 of those hot, cute Partners are MILF’s!!, one’s baby is 2 months old too, *sigh*
and of course, the other 2 jugs that leak are “MY OWN” manBoobs that leak in excitement!!
7 Creditors Circling!! (and they also keep calling theKiosk everyday too and leaving cellPhone messages, They act like I’m theONLY Sam in existence here in Alaska, I’ve got other relatives too ya’ know)
6 Nogs a Laying!! (and that could be theEggNog I dropped, or it could be the 6 store customers that trip and slip on the new rugs by theExit / Entrance doors, and they’re so drunk half the time, that theFireDept, Paramedics and thePolice are always called in to attend)
5 Pink Rings!! (a Partners lovely hands, her Boobs, and 3 OTHER Holes!!)
4 Calling Voys!! ( I should be a game show Contestant caller, because of the half-Hourly P.A. announcements we Barista’s have to make touting theLatest & greatest drinks and the Holiday Merch we have to sell)
3 Clenched Hands!! (usually two clenched fists belong to any given Manager that I piss off, and the Other clenched hand belongs to that One-Armed customer!!
2 Pierced Lobes!! ( and my next bodyModifications will be a couple of Tattoos, besides, Just like my HairStyling days of yore, I’m wearing a GreenApron!!, and I’m going to grow my hair out again, I’m making the change again!! d:oP
and a measly Paycheck that goes right to my Partner honey!!
-----------------
"Sammy I love you, but your shift is over, now get the hell on down theAve!!"
-Green Aprons he Am There!!-
lovs,
theSam!!
Samuel L Flyinghorse
Anchorage, AK
-alaskavillagetales-
(Inspired by the old time Sitcom, GreenAcres!!)
GreenApron’s thePlace to be, Knotted tightly so I can’t breathe.....*Gasp!!-gasp*
Sammy I love you now place these flyers up & down theAve!!
theChores!!,
theStores!!,
GreenAprons we Are There!!....
well. Sam is d:o(
----------------
The Twelve Days of Barista!! / 12 Days of Christmas
w/ Appropriate Corporate / DailyLife of a Barista symbolism!! from theSam!! d:o(
On the First day of Brewing my LC (LearningCoach) Gave to me!!
a Paycheck for a Penny!!
On the Second day of Brewing my LC Gave to me!!
Two piercedLobes and a paycheck for a penny!!
On the3rd Day of Working my StoreManagers Gave to me!!
3 Glad Hands!!, Two ParkingLot sweeps and a Paycheck for a Penny!!
On the4th Day of Working my Partner!! (Starbucks term for CoWorker) Gave to Me!!
4 TRO’s, ( temp Restraining Orders!!, just check “HER” name on AK court view!! d:oP, and get this, It’s NOT my child!!)
3 backHands!! d:oD,
Two punched guts and TrampStampView of her Heiny!!
On the5th Day of Slavery, CARRS / Safeway gave to me!!
ffiiiiveeeee minnnuuutteesss tooooo EEEAAATTTT, d:o(
4 bath rooms breaks, 3 badService marks, 2 headAches and a Paycheck for a Penny!!
d:oP
On the6th Day of Brewing my Customers gave to me!! d:oO !!
6 nebes a Sitting!! (that is, after these Inebriates buy 12oz Americanos and then drink up all my Carafe milk!!, they sit all day in theFoodCourt sipping coffee, bothering Paying customers and expect free coffee refills!!)
5 Toe Rings!! (genuine gold and silver toeRings from theSnippy, Gottschalk’s shopping Society ladies, probably Management bitching at me and having me remake their latte’s for them after giving me an ass kicking!!..... again)
4 Falling lowRiders!! *big, BIG grin!!* (and one MILF was so preOccupied with her 2yr old walking to theCar, I saw where her babies come from - from BEHIND!! - till she pulled up her droopy sweatBottoms)
3 Wet Lens!! (from having extremely unsatisfied customers slop their drinks upon my face, and glasses!!)
2 Stairway Shoves (when I was walking down!!)
and a Middle Finger for helping them carry Groceries!!
gaaawwwwd I love this job.
On the 7th Day of Working theCamera’s Spied on Me!!
7 Liquor Store Visits,
6 Aisle Grazings,
5 Toilet Rings!! (5 bathroom visits an hour!!)
4 Partner hugs!!
3 smacked hands!! (from hugging theCute Partners!!)
2 SteamPitcher Over flows (HAL my Latte Machine doesn’t like me)
and TILL-skim for a Penny!!
On the 8th week of Starbucks theSiren Gave to me!!
8 Pallets Merching!! (and we had thanksgiving week to sell that crap!!)
7 past Quarters floundering!! (Improve sales now or get fired)
6 weeks to SELL (Christmas is next so move theThanksgiving Merch!!)
5 new Employeeeeeesss!! (but they were gone in just as many days)
4 NEW drinks (as if the other 20 Regular and 8 Holiday treats AREN’T enough!!??)
3 Marker Pens (btw Safeway Store mgr, theSam!! has no idea whom is tagging theStore and adjacent Mall in black pen, or your Cars for that matter!!, none!!, no clue.... absolutely no idea)
2 Coffee Pucks (theDEAD coffee that gets dumped out every hour of steady use, is compacted into tiny small Pucks we toss into the garbage)
and Another Corporate Faxed ADVISORY!! (blechh!! )
On the 9th Straight Day of Working!! by BODY said to me,
theFloor Won’t stop Moving,
my Bones are Aching,
worked 7 days hallucinating
worked 6 while Puking!!
Lets goo Drinnnkinng!!!!
4 more hours
then a new week begins
And those two demons in the StoreReefer
wont stop screeaming!!!
On the 10th Day of Hell Week, my Partner Said to me!!
10 Remakes Waiting!! (and she’s the one that flubbed those drinks too!!, WTF!!)
9 Travelers Calling!! ( a Traveler is a 3 Litre box of Coffee or Hot Chocolate that we make on a days Notice, but lately, everyone wants a dozen made in an hour!!, and they each take 10mins to make and stock!!, we brew theCoffee, Mix theCocao and SteamWand heat it UP and stock up cups, napkins, cupCovers, straws, stirSticks and other condiments)
8 Cups a Sipping!!, (everyone but me has medical conditions or needs constant hydration in theKiosk, I don’t eat or drink behind Kiosk but everyone else does, shheeesh)
7 Deli’s Running!! (referring to thePeople that order from the Deli counter or the Bakery and then carry their food to the front of the CARRS Safeway store and suddenly make a break for the Exit doors)
6 Till Over rides!! ( well, sweetheart, with those 5” glamour nails ya’ got on your hands, you’re bound to push the wrong key pads on the Touch screen and Freeze Up the Register, then you have to call for Manager OverRide, but they’re too busy chasing theDeli Runners!!
5 Broken dreams!! (I know that Connecting with my female partners and bonding is fun, but come on, I don’t wanna hear how your Mom drinks, that you hate your kids, that your sister is Fat and that your husband wrecked the car. I mean, ALL this stuff happened last week, and last month and when we first started as fresh CoffeeBeans working at theKiosk, sheeesh,
give me a break!!)
4 Lost Loves!! (and I’m not talking about the 5 broken dreams that my Partner keeps sobbing over, I’m talking of those Cute Vixens that “I’ve” come to love and Lose all in 5 mins each while making their drinks for them, it’s my HellWeek, I gotta have fun too ya’ know)
3 extra pounds!!
2 large breasts!! (and believe me, this is the best gripes that my partners have that I’m actually interested in!!)
and a pay check that barely broke Four Hundred Thirty!! ( I barely clear a hundred a week as a licensed store Barista)
On the 11th Month of City Life my Family Said to me!!
11 Kids and Counting!! (in reference to my Fertile sister who’s popping out kids every year while I’m child-less and POOR)
10 Grand and Counting!! (Mom’s reference to how much Dad makes a MONTH up on theNorthSlope while I make less than $5hr and no tips)
9 Job Offers waiting!! (Mom’s reference to Dad’s tremendous job prospects while he’s away working, sheeeesh, Leave me alone!!)
8 VillageChixxx!! (again, Mom’s finally caught on to my sardonic humor about villageChicks!! and how they rule, now she taunts me from afar and tells me that a new batch of lovelies have graduated and some are just Waiting!! in theVillage for someone to save them.)
7 Houses Empty!! ( I guess that Tribal housing has opened up considerably!!, even theHottest VillageChick!! w/ her 2 boys are now “husbandless / fatherless” in theVillage!!, and to top it all off, they keep asking about me every time they see my Mom)
6 Moose are waiting!! (in reference to the bountiful hunting out in theVillage!!, what mother never hears from me each week, is that Sonny boy has to run from a Moose while walking to work or has to walk and bus a wide berth around grazing CityMoose each week!!)
5 Cake Rings!! (and who can resist Mama’s home cooking!?, anyone?, anyone?)
4 Black Hats (Mom’s way of saying that my Trooper friends sometimes visit theVillage!! and ask about me, she knows I loved thePublicSafetyWork and would jump at the chance to do that again)
3 Months free rent (of course, I gotta move back to theVillage!! to get that free rent)
2 Steam baths!! (I finally figured out that 2 villageChixxx!! live all alone and they each have a steamBath house behind their villageApts!!, in city terms, that’s like having a hotChick girlfriend with a private HotTub and lots of Privacy!!)
and an empty house in theVillage!! waiting just for me, (and no one wanted me to live their back when I first moved into the darn village!!)
On the 12th day of Brewing my Green Apron gave to me!!
12 Managers drumming!! (their fingers in impatience, sitting up in their offices waiting for me to appear for my Reviews)
11 employees quitting!! (so that means taking away “MY” days off to pick up the slack!!)
10 Fingers lifting!! (cos someones making theTill Register count wayyy off, so, for a couple of months now, every shift sign in gets a new till count)
9 Customers complaining!! (and they practically dance theChorusLine of Caffiene withDrawals when they line up to gripe at me)
8 Jugs a leaking!! (and that’s just cos 3 of those hot, cute Partners are MILF’s!!, one’s baby is 2 months old too, *sigh*
and of course, the other 2 jugs that leak are “MY OWN” manBoobs that leak in excitement!!
7 Creditors Circling!! (and they also keep calling theKiosk everyday too and leaving cellPhone messages, They act like I’m theONLY Sam in existence here in Alaska, I’ve got other relatives too ya’ know)
6 Nogs a Laying!! (and that could be theEggNog I dropped, or it could be the 6 store customers that trip and slip on the new rugs by theExit / Entrance doors, and they’re so drunk half the time, that theFireDept, Paramedics and thePolice are always called in to attend)
5 Pink Rings!! (a Partners lovely hands, her Boobs, and 3 OTHER Holes!!)
4 Calling Voys!! ( I should be a game show Contestant caller, because of the half-Hourly P.A. announcements we Barista’s have to make touting theLatest & greatest drinks and the Holiday Merch we have to sell)
3 Clenched Hands!! (usually two clenched fists belong to any given Manager that I piss off, and the Other clenched hand belongs to that One-Armed customer!!
2 Pierced Lobes!! ( and my next bodyModifications will be a couple of Tattoos, besides, Just like my HairStyling days of yore, I’m wearing a GreenApron!!, and I’m going to grow my hair out again, I’m making the change again!! d:oP
and a measly Paycheck that goes right to my Partner honey!!
-----------------
"Sammy I love you, but your shift is over, now get the hell on down theAve!!"
-Green Aprons he Am There!!-
lovs,
theSam!!
Samuel L Flyinghorse
Anchorage, AK
-alaskavillagetales-
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