Village Female Sensitivity Test!! d:oP
as ripped from theMySpace site of a dear old friend!!
Subject: Male Sensitivity Test
Body: In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
theSam!!Sez;
In theVillage!!, theGirls just screw theLoveMaker while he takes his lil' foreskin to tunaTown!!
You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
theSam!!Knows,
any womans views from just one Hug, and that during thePigskinTour, theBloodTesting / Sharing just kinda takes care of itself but theResults are kinda skewed due to theTequila, Vodka and Whiskey slammers!!
You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.
theSam!!Confirms,
actually, you wanna time things to when her Parents are not only using theBathroom, but for the Moment when they FLUSH theToilet!!
that's when YOU climax!!
Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.
theSam!!Warns,
when you live in theVillage!!, most chicks keep a pet sledDog Husky or two as pets, now if you ask me,
even getting ON the floor is an open invitation for said Pets to join In and right now, theSam!!'s not into that scene,
besides, when feeding theVillageChixxx!! creatively (like that 9 1/2 weeks food scene) theSledDogs kinda get possessive about "Their Food Dishes" being used by theVillageChick!!
Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
theSam!!Concedes,
that ALL 3 options are good, but on theOther hand, sometimes,
theSam!! isn't theONLY big person in theVillage!!
and sometimes theHuge!!, Gorgeous, Humongous!! VillageChick IS theOne that gets to Cuddle with Sam!! d:o(
Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
theSam!!Sez,
Just cut to the heart of the matter and be direct.
Tell each VillageChick!! exactly where to sit in thePatrolCar or StateOwned airCraft for PrisonerTransport,
or tell them exactly where to sit in theFlatBottom RiverBoat before you head back to theVillage!!--they'll understand,
after all, some of them ARE college grads and can understand Fluctuating Distribution weight ratios, Differential movement analysis and static loads,
You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.
theVillageChixxx!! say,
Just another dumb Officer in theVillage!!, a total Moron like Sam!!
Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
Uhm,
this is theVillage!!
we don't have fancy dinners, primer or amusement park rides,
oh.. wait.
WE DO have an occasional Pot bust before a Two car load Alcohol siezure. You should see Sam!! and the Other Officer salivate just before pouncing upon theBootLeggers!!
And the Only paint we have is of theSprayPaint kind, erh..
In GOLD, and only in possession of those that HUFF it, aside from theAlcohol & Drugs I guess you could call THAT an amusement ride.
Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. I hope we can still be friends.
B. I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.
C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU.
theSam!!Sez,
I hope I can still EAT at your place.
I'm not in your Sisters / Daughters room right now, please flush your toilet again so I can sneak out theWindow!!
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
theVillageChixxx!! need,
To spend a few summers on theSlimeLine!! at Valdez or FishCamp,
And they need to quit peeking into theOfficers windows at home and videotaping!!
And what theHell are they doing riding theEldersProgramBus anyhow!?
WTF!!
==================
Evaluating Results:
If you answered A more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.
And if you're a VillageChick!! that answered "A", you'd better check your Pants to see if you have any "A" to begin with and for that matter, Check your Shirt to see if you have any "T" as well.
Cos you're not getting anywhere with any Officer unless you got BOTH a these!! Some "T-n-A". d:oD
If you answered B more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.
Now if you're logging onto this site FROM TherapyCamp,
Immediately log Off, go find theHeadCounselor and both of you march into theWoods together and finish off that Last batch of Whiskey that everyone knows is Out There,
cos heaven knows, even in Therapy Camp, everyone needs a little break from Sam!!
If you answered C more than 7 times, YOU DA MAN!!!
Or as the Number of man to Number of woman ratios exist in theVillage!!
You're mostly likely a Woman anyways, Go drink something and watch Soap Opera reRuns.
Subject: Male Sensitivity Test
Body: In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
theSam!!Sez;
In theVillage!!, theGirls just screw theLoveMaker while he takes his lil' foreskin to tunaTown!!
You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
theSam!!Knows,
any womans views from just one Hug, and that during thePigskinTour, theBloodTesting / Sharing just kinda takes care of itself but theResults are kinda skewed due to theTequila, Vodka and Whiskey slammers!!
You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.
theSam!!Confirms,
actually, you wanna time things to when her Parents are not only using theBathroom, but for the Moment when they FLUSH theToilet!!
that's when YOU climax!!
Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.
theSam!!Warns,
when you live in theVillage!!, most chicks keep a pet sledDog Husky or two as pets, now if you ask me,
even getting ON the floor is an open invitation for said Pets to join In and right now, theSam!!'s not into that scene,
besides, when feeding theVillageChixxx!! creatively (like that 9 1/2 weeks food scene) theSledDogs kinda get possessive about "Their Food Dishes" being used by theVillageChick!!
Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
theSam!!Concedes,
that ALL 3 options are good, but on theOther hand, sometimes,
theSam!! isn't theONLY big person in theVillage!!
and sometimes theHuge!!, Gorgeous, Humongous!! VillageChick IS theOne that gets to Cuddle with Sam!! d:o(
Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
theSam!!Sez,
Just cut to the heart of the matter and be direct.
Tell each VillageChick!! exactly where to sit in thePatrolCar or StateOwned airCraft for PrisonerTransport,
or tell them exactly where to sit in theFlatBottom RiverBoat before you head back to theVillage!!--they'll understand,
after all, some of them ARE college grads and can understand Fluctuating Distribution weight ratios, Differential movement analysis and static loads,
You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.
theVillageChixxx!! say,
Just another dumb Officer in theVillage!!, a total Moron like Sam!!
Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
Uhm,
this is theVillage!!
we don't have fancy dinners, primer or amusement park rides,
oh.. wait.
WE DO have an occasional Pot bust before a Two car load Alcohol siezure. You should see Sam!! and the Other Officer salivate just before pouncing upon theBootLeggers!!
And the Only paint we have is of theSprayPaint kind, erh..
In GOLD, and only in possession of those that HUFF it, aside from theAlcohol & Drugs I guess you could call THAT an amusement ride.
Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. I hope we can still be friends.
B. I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.
C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU.
theSam!!Sez,
I hope I can still EAT at your place.
I'm not in your Sisters / Daughters room right now, please flush your toilet again so I can sneak out theWindow!!
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
theVillageChixxx!! need,
To spend a few summers on theSlimeLine!! at Valdez or FishCamp,
And they need to quit peeking into theOfficers windows at home and videotaping!!
And what theHell are they doing riding theEldersProgramBus anyhow!?
WTF!!
==================
Evaluating Results:
If you answered A more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.
And if you're a VillageChick!! that answered "A", you'd better check your Pants to see if you have any "A" to begin with and for that matter, Check your Shirt to see if you have any "T" as well.
Cos you're not getting anywhere with any Officer unless you got BOTH a these!! Some "T-n-A". d:oD
If you answered B more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.
Now if you're logging onto this site FROM TherapyCamp,
Immediately log Off, go find theHeadCounselor and both of you march into theWoods together and finish off that Last batch of Whiskey that everyone knows is Out There,
cos heaven knows, even in Therapy Camp, everyone needs a little break from Sam!!
If you answered C more than 7 times, YOU DA MAN!!!
Or as the Number of man to Number of woman ratios exist in theVillage!!
You're mostly likely a Woman anyways, Go drink something and watch Soap Opera reRuns.
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