101 Things to do with Sam!!
d:oP
101 Things To Do With Sam!!
1. Canoe, kayak or raft down a wilderness River!!
Or just hang him out to dry in theVillage!!, don't support him in his VPSO work and essentially, send him in a canoe down theYukonRiver!!
2. Cross country ski where you make your own trail!!
Then after the subsequent months of being investigated for BootLegging and you're caught Importing into a "DRY" village!!
you can wear Skivvies in jail after your TRIAL!!, after Sam!! drives you across theCountry to said. jail. .
3. Watch a Grizzly bear on theTundra!!
....on theDiscoveryChannel while you're still in jail. Shortly after Sam!! drives you across theMountainous back country to theCityJail!!
4. Explore theGhostTown, aka theVillage!!
especially on dividend payday weekends when only theVPSO!! and one dutiful, cute, HOT babyHungry HealthAide are the only ones left holding down theFort.
erhh..
I just said TOO much didn't I?!
5. Battle a KingSalmon in a stream or on theHighSeas!!
battle them with Vim and Vigor just like theSam!! battles theVillage-Born "Kings" & "Queens" and other Entitled people,
those who feel entitled to drink and oppress Others around them violently and harrassingly. Use a Taser, a Baton and an rarely used secretWeapon - a Fed Up Elder in the village to lay down the law.
6. Greet spring in SquareBanks when theGeese return to Creams Field!!
You do it with a smile on your face like Sam!! and theVillagePolice officer does when roadChecking / Blocking vehicles for Imported contraband and they hit theJackPot with you!!
7. Watch Dall sheep cavort on a mountainside!!
then blast the poor things OFF the mountain side with your 7mm rifle
.....so I went hunting with Dad and an Uncle, Sue me!!
8. Land a barn-door sized halibut on a fishing trip!!
it'll go nicely with your barn-door sized RAP sheet on file with theState!!,
it'll go nicely with your barn-door sized villageChick!! wife,
and your VPSO Sam!!
but maybe not. Cos he's not as big as a barn door anymore.
9..Drive to theArcticCircle on theDaltonHighway!!
or NOT.
Just drive to theTastyFreeez!! and buy Sam a cone or a Large pop!!
10. Pull a lake trout for supper from a pristine mountain lake!!
and later on after theSam!! and theVPO quit looking in your camp for Alcohol and go away,
Pull out a straw and start drinking from theLake!!
After all, had they FOUND your alcohol, they would have dumped it in theLake anyway,
So why not YOU first!?
11. Watch theNorth's White Whale from BelugaPoint south of Anchorage!!
or just get ahold of any SouthernBelle, EuroBabe, or ethnicGF and watch them!!
It's Alaska, everyone's PALE!!
But if you watch your friends, remember you gotta act like you don't know them and tip out in $1's, then after a few minutes leave theStripBar.
12. Watch for killerWhales and HumbackWhales from a tourBoat!!
or better yet, just browse some videos of a MySpace friend or two and watch THEIR sightSeeing / excursion vids of them making THEIR friends cry!!
13. Participate in theAnnualHeartRun!! in theVillage,
after all,
everyone makes Sam!! run in theVillage!! and it pretty much "Hurts" for him.
Might as well celebrate and make it official.
14. Dig a bucket full of Clams from ClamGulch!!
Just be glad you're not out in theVillage!! and pulling some inebriate VillageChixxx!! out of theGulch (after theCarRollOver) and everyone's "Clammed up" and aren't talking about what happened
15. Ehh....
You get the idea. Just have fun and be sure to include theSam!! now and then.
After all, us VPSO's have to justify our existence in theVillage!!
-Ride with a Bush Pilot!!
Even if after drinking Vodka and Smoking Pot YOU'RE higher than thePlane you're both flying in.
-Take a "Flight Seeing" trip!!
cos you got arrested and needed to fly Out of theVillage!! to theCityJail to "see" your incarcerated buddies,
make the most of your trip if theStateTroops are the ones stuck with flying you out.
Throw a hissy fit when they won't fly their Helicopter over FishCamp,
If you try hard enough they'll make a "special" emergency landing just for you.
erhh.. You're bruises, cuts and contusions will heal from your OutwardExpression of Insistance upon Wanting to see FishCamp,
just like you do when you make Sam!! feel unsafe and actOut while sittin' in his OfficeJail.
-Chip ice from a roadside glacier for your cooler!!
especially after theSam!! dumps your alcohol in one spot in theDead Of Winter and you sneak back to that spot with a hammer and screwDriver to chip UP theIcy alcohol
Remember that if in theSummer time you need ice, just go to the 4th house on theLeft!! in theVillage where that one Mother with a permaFrost Shoulder absolutely HATES Sam!!
-Take theKidz!! to see theVPSO down by theRiver,
he's a free babysitter!!
-See theShow!! at 4 a.m. outside your house
when Sam!! responds to an DomesticViolence assault!!
-Watch a SledDog!! get shot by Sam!!
-Join theHordes standing!! idly along the4th Ave and by theShelters and breadLines,
and sit on your ass enMass!! at theTransitDepot all day
-Ride.... inside a village purchased PoliceCruiser straight to Jail!!
-Go camping!!, after all, you're running from those villageOfficers cos you just beat up theGirlFriend
-Soak!! yourself in alcohol like everyone does,
and sadly,
like theSam!! now does once a month at least.
see what you meanies did to him?! d:o(
d:oP
-Cook!! your own goose by getting into trouble with Sam!! and half theVillage (again)
-Visit theFamed..... villagePublicSafetyOfficer Sam!! at 5 a.m., after all.
you've been wide awake drinking and tweeking for a week, so why not wake up Sam!?
See!? !!
So much to see, hear, do and Commit!! here in theVillage!!
there's never a dull moment with You and Alcohol,
Hey, at least you're notSam!! on theInternet!!
d:oP
luvs,
theSam!!
stay tuned for followUp posts where you can actually Paint With Sam!!
Hoe Gardens, Rake Lawns, Haul Water and Pump Fuel Oil, Chop Wood!! etc as theSam!! supervises your villageWork detail!!
101 Things To Do With Sam!!
1. Canoe, kayak or raft down a wilderness River!!
Or just hang him out to dry in theVillage!!, don't support him in his VPSO work and essentially, send him in a canoe down theYukonRiver!!
2. Cross country ski where you make your own trail!!
Then after the subsequent months of being investigated for BootLegging and you're caught Importing into a "DRY" village!!
you can wear Skivvies in jail after your TRIAL!!, after Sam!! drives you across theCountry to said. jail. .
3. Watch a Grizzly bear on theTundra!!
....on theDiscoveryChannel while you're still in jail. Shortly after Sam!! drives you across theMountainous back country to theCityJail!!
4. Explore theGhostTown, aka theVillage!!
especially on dividend payday weekends when only theVPSO!! and one dutiful, cute, HOT babyHungry HealthAide are the only ones left holding down theFort.
erhh..
I just said TOO much didn't I?!
5. Battle a KingSalmon in a stream or on theHighSeas!!
battle them with Vim and Vigor just like theSam!! battles theVillage-Born "Kings" & "Queens" and other Entitled people,
those who feel entitled to drink and oppress Others around them violently and harrassingly. Use a Taser, a Baton and an rarely used secretWeapon - a Fed Up Elder in the village to lay down the law.
6. Greet spring in SquareBanks when theGeese return to Creams Field!!
You do it with a smile on your face like Sam!! and theVillagePolice officer does when roadChecking / Blocking vehicles for Imported contraband and they hit theJackPot with you!!
7. Watch Dall sheep cavort on a mountainside!!
then blast the poor things OFF the mountain side with your 7mm rifle
.....so I went hunting with Dad and an Uncle, Sue me!!
8. Land a barn-door sized halibut on a fishing trip!!
it'll go nicely with your barn-door sized RAP sheet on file with theState!!,
it'll go nicely with your barn-door sized villageChick!! wife,
and your VPSO Sam!!
but maybe not. Cos he's not as big as a barn door anymore.
9..Drive to theArcticCircle on theDaltonHighway!!
or NOT.
Just drive to theTastyFreeez!! and buy Sam a cone or a Large pop!!
10. Pull a lake trout for supper from a pristine mountain lake!!
and later on after theSam!! and theVPO quit looking in your camp for Alcohol and go away,
Pull out a straw and start drinking from theLake!!
After all, had they FOUND your alcohol, they would have dumped it in theLake anyway,
So why not YOU first!?
11. Watch theNorth's White Whale from BelugaPoint south of Anchorage!!
or just get ahold of any SouthernBelle, EuroBabe, or ethnicGF and watch them!!
It's Alaska, everyone's PALE!!
But if you watch your friends, remember you gotta act like you don't know them and tip out in $1's, then after a few minutes leave theStripBar.
12. Watch for killerWhales and HumbackWhales from a tourBoat!!
or better yet, just browse some videos of a MySpace friend or two and watch THEIR sightSeeing / excursion vids of them making THEIR friends cry!!
13. Participate in theAnnualHeartRun!! in theVillage,
after all,
everyone makes Sam!! run in theVillage!! and it pretty much "Hurts" for him.
Might as well celebrate and make it official.
14. Dig a bucket full of Clams from ClamGulch!!
Just be glad you're not out in theVillage!! and pulling some inebriate VillageChixxx!! out of theGulch (after theCarRollOver) and everyone's "Clammed up" and aren't talking about what happened
15. Ehh....
You get the idea. Just have fun and be sure to include theSam!! now and then.
After all, us VPSO's have to justify our existence in theVillage!!
-Ride with a Bush Pilot!!
Even if after drinking Vodka and Smoking Pot YOU'RE higher than thePlane you're both flying in.
-Take a "Flight Seeing" trip!!
cos you got arrested and needed to fly Out of theVillage!! to theCityJail to "see" your incarcerated buddies,
make the most of your trip if theStateTroops are the ones stuck with flying you out.
Throw a hissy fit when they won't fly their Helicopter over FishCamp,
If you try hard enough they'll make a "special" emergency landing just for you.
erhh.. You're bruises, cuts and contusions will heal from your OutwardExpression of Insistance upon Wanting to see FishCamp,
just like you do when you make Sam!! feel unsafe and actOut while sittin' in his OfficeJail.
-Chip ice from a roadside glacier for your cooler!!
especially after theSam!! dumps your alcohol in one spot in theDead Of Winter and you sneak back to that spot with a hammer and screwDriver to chip UP theIcy alcohol
Remember that if in theSummer time you need ice, just go to the 4th house on theLeft!! in theVillage where that one Mother with a permaFrost Shoulder absolutely HATES Sam!!
-Take theKidz!! to see theVPSO down by theRiver,
he's a free babysitter!!
-See theShow!! at 4 a.m. outside your house
when Sam!! responds to an DomesticViolence assault!!
-Watch a SledDog!! get shot by Sam!!
-Join theHordes standing!! idly along the4th Ave and by theShelters and breadLines,
and sit on your ass enMass!! at theTransitDepot all day
-Ride.... inside a village purchased PoliceCruiser straight to Jail!!
-Go camping!!, after all, you're running from those villageOfficers cos you just beat up theGirlFriend
-Soak!! yourself in alcohol like everyone does,
and sadly,
like theSam!! now does once a month at least.
see what you meanies did to him?! d:o(
d:oP
-Cook!! your own goose by getting into trouble with Sam!! and half theVillage (again)
-Visit theFamed..... villagePublicSafetyOfficer Sam!! at 5 a.m., after all.
you've been wide awake drinking and tweeking for a week, so why not wake up Sam!?
See!? !!
So much to see, hear, do and Commit!! here in theVillage!!
there's never a dull moment with You and Alcohol,
Hey, at least you're notSam!! on theInternet!!
d:oP
luvs,
theSam!!
stay tuned for followUp posts where you can actually Paint With Sam!!
Hoe Gardens, Rake Lawns, Haul Water and Pump Fuel Oil, Chop Wood!! etc as theSam!! supervises your villageWork detail!!
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