Happy ST. Patrick's Day!!
Crown Vic Tricks
theSam!! says.....
after much wrangling, cajoling, crying, shouting coaxing and threatening (and that was on theVillage Councils part-not mine) I was issued a new Village patrol vehicle.
Well.. it was "new" in that we've never had one before. And it was a fairly new model car as well.
TheVillage Council got it at a discount from theState DOT, as they are an arm (or some other appendage) of theAK State Troops, or perhaps it's the other way around??
I inspected theCrownVic when I first got it and was a little suspect at the small, slight flaws on the door paintjob and part of the front quarter panels (both sides)
My suspicions were correct, as far as I could tell, when I looked on theState website and hit theAchives lists to see what shenanigans theState Troops had been up to.
What with harrassing good little Tax-Payers that obeyed speed limits and Obedient jaywalkers and happily married couples and live-ins alike!!!
I was intrigued by a late July 2001 entry that read.
'On 22 July 2001 State Troops were summoned to a gravel pit South of theCity due to noise complaints of Loud Music and underage drinking.
3 State Troops were dispatched to the scene and upon arrival, their presence was cause for alarm and panic alike as at least 20 cars and a crowd of teens fled the scene; some on foot and others in their vehicles.
One teens vehicle was listed as being fire damaged after said teen-spun out in circles and then stopped atop theBonfire that was-as one Trooper put it
"Still going strong, I even helped myself to a hamburger that had fallen to the ground, ehh. long shift, lots of overtime!! bba tha wayhh... whereth the kethupp?"'
What theOfficial report failed to mention was that theCar in flames was a Crown Victoria that I essentially ended up with.
After months of wrangling, cajoling, crying, shouting, coaxing and threatening (and this time it was theState Troops that were doing this not me)
I finally got someone to admit that "yes, theState seized that errant Teens assests and among his possessions that he lost was his car", specifically his CrownVic that he wrangled, cajoled.. Oh never mind...
That he got from DOT.
Now I'm stuck with it.
At least it looks new though after StateDOT got finished refurbishing it. No wonder theVillageCouncil got it at such a steep discount.
Now I know why I "think" I detect an odor of smoke now and then when I'm driving in theCar.
As far as tricks??
Lessee....
theSam!! is impressed by those Ghetto cars that act like they're seizing and chassis spasm'ing.
I think it would be cool to have theVillage CrownVic be able to lift up 3', sway left and right and stomp two wheels like a Sumo Wrestler, and then squat the back end deeply (kind of like it does when I return from theCity loaded with groceries and stuff for me AFTER taking some prisoners in!!! of course)
Maybe I can have glass-pacs installed?? Except I'd have no stealth at all, theVillage would hear me coming 50 miles away.
On the other hand, I wouldn't mind glasspacs, because theIgnition is about shot.
Stupid car starts and RUNS so quiet anyhow that I forget the dang thing is ON and *ssccrrrraattttchhhh* when I turn the key.
And twice already, I ran theCar bone dry of gas when I parked it 4 days and left it running. ???
I couldn't tell it was on... too much Stress I guess.
If it were humanly possible, and I mean that in the best sense of the word.
I'd have 40wat.. no 80! watt speakers installed and some bass cannons, some big gun reverbs and a couple of howitzer tweeters and some high gain grenades installed in the trunk and drive around theVillage playing heavy metal, techno and just to be really mean....recordings of my piano playing.
Give everyone nosebleeds, headaches and yet treat all kidney, gallstone and bladder ailments.
*sigh*
CrownVics are nice but they're often misunderstood.
theSam!!
(if you've read this far and are not wearing GREEN today Fri 17 Mar 2006 then be informed...............
YOU have BEEN PINCHED!!!
__________________
I am what I chose to do and be each day throughout my Life,
And each experience has shaped my Character & Integrity, has written these words upon theHeart beneath my Armor.
theSam!! says.....
after much wrangling, cajoling, crying, shouting coaxing and threatening (and that was on theVillage Councils part-not mine) I was issued a new Village patrol vehicle.
Well.. it was "new" in that we've never had one before. And it was a fairly new model car as well.
TheVillage Council got it at a discount from theState DOT, as they are an arm (or some other appendage) of theAK State Troops, or perhaps it's the other way around??
I inspected theCrownVic when I first got it and was a little suspect at the small, slight flaws on the door paintjob and part of the front quarter panels (both sides)
My suspicions were correct, as far as I could tell, when I looked on theState website and hit theAchives lists to see what shenanigans theState Troops had been up to.
What with harrassing good little Tax-Payers that obeyed speed limits and Obedient jaywalkers and happily married couples and live-ins alike!!!
I was intrigued by a late July 2001 entry that read.
'On 22 July 2001 State Troops were summoned to a gravel pit South of theCity due to noise complaints of Loud Music and underage drinking.
3 State Troops were dispatched to the scene and upon arrival, their presence was cause for alarm and panic alike as at least 20 cars and a crowd of teens fled the scene; some on foot and others in their vehicles.
One teens vehicle was listed as being fire damaged after said teen-spun out in circles and then stopped atop theBonfire that was-as one Trooper put it
"Still going strong, I even helped myself to a hamburger that had fallen to the ground, ehh. long shift, lots of overtime!! bba tha wayhh... whereth the kethupp?"'
What theOfficial report failed to mention was that theCar in flames was a Crown Victoria that I essentially ended up with.
After months of wrangling, cajoling, crying, shouting, coaxing and threatening (and this time it was theState Troops that were doing this not me)
I finally got someone to admit that "yes, theState seized that errant Teens assests and among his possessions that he lost was his car", specifically his CrownVic that he wrangled, cajoled.. Oh never mind...
That he got from DOT.
Now I'm stuck with it.
At least it looks new though after StateDOT got finished refurbishing it. No wonder theVillageCouncil got it at such a steep discount.
Now I know why I "think" I detect an odor of smoke now and then when I'm driving in theCar.
As far as tricks??
Lessee....
theSam!! is impressed by those Ghetto cars that act like they're seizing and chassis spasm'ing.
I think it would be cool to have theVillage CrownVic be able to lift up 3', sway left and right and stomp two wheels like a Sumo Wrestler, and then squat the back end deeply (kind of like it does when I return from theCity loaded with groceries and stuff for me AFTER taking some prisoners in!!! of course)
Maybe I can have glass-pacs installed?? Except I'd have no stealth at all, theVillage would hear me coming 50 miles away.
On the other hand, I wouldn't mind glasspacs, because theIgnition is about shot.
Stupid car starts and RUNS so quiet anyhow that I forget the dang thing is ON and *ssccrrrraattttchhhh* when I turn the key.
And twice already, I ran theCar bone dry of gas when I parked it 4 days and left it running. ???
I couldn't tell it was on... too much Stress I guess.
If it were humanly possible, and I mean that in the best sense of the word.
I'd have 40wat.. no 80! watt speakers installed and some bass cannons, some big gun reverbs and a couple of howitzer tweeters and some high gain grenades installed in the trunk and drive around theVillage playing heavy metal, techno and just to be really mean....recordings of my piano playing.
Give everyone nosebleeds, headaches and yet treat all kidney, gallstone and bladder ailments.
*sigh*
CrownVics are nice but they're often misunderstood.
theSam!!
(if you've read this far and are not wearing GREEN today Fri 17 Mar 2006 then be informed...............
YOU have BEEN PINCHED!!!
__________________
I am what I chose to do and be each day throughout my Life,
And each experience has shaped my Character & Integrity, has written these words upon theHeart beneath my Armor.
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