POLICE REPORTS

theSam!! says,

When I left grade school I thought that I would Never EVER have to write anything and tell Who, What, Where, When, How & Why.

Guess I was wrong. It seems that theHand of Fate reached out and took hold upon me and I'm still writing various reports, log-book journals, personal journals, PC calendar journals and various E-mailings and blogs.

I found this latest Police Reports posting on the Internet and considered it good enough to post here. Now sometimes, after writing so many reports & documents you just want to change gears and write;

Dear (Hustler) (Penthouse/Playboy) (National Enquirerererrer) (Mom)

It was a (Dark & Stormy night) (Big giant polka dotted flying purple people eater!!)......and continue from there.

But in this profession of Public Safety people tend to take us/me seriously, especially when things are put in writing, so I'm afraid that such monumentous tales will have to wait awhile to be told. I'll get to theVillage version of these Police Reports soon enough.

Besides, I'm still waiting for that Bus Load of Hot, naked Cheerleaders to drive through theVillage and request that I full body strip search them!!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Circle appropriate boxes)

While (on patrol)(conducting random stops)(scamming a half-priced meal),

I saw the listed individual, who (is a known dirt-bag from prior contacts)(fits a profile)(cried out for attention).

Said individual was (off his meds)(under the influence of drugs)(under the influence of alcohol)(any or all of the above)
and demanded that I (find his/her missing property which was left unsecure)(intrude on his/her neighbor's privacy)(correct his/her parenting mistakes which have been years in the making)(turn off invisible spy beams from hidden chips).

Based on (statements from any sober individuals in the area)(the above mentioned profile)(what little remains of my care for the human condition),

I (explained that this was not now, nor ever has been a police matter)(offered the above listed child a choice of a hickory shampoo or an 8-year USMC enlistment)(asked the neighbor to turn off the invisible spy beams).

Warrant check showed (an outstanding misdemeanor warrant)(an outstanding felony warrant)(the mother of all warrants)(that the field trainee had served the subject's warrants yesterday).

I next (drove the individual to a neighboring sector)(arrested/booked the individual on weak disorderly conduct charges)(called the training unit for a transport to mental health evaluation).

I then (resumed patrol)(resumed scamming a half-priced meal)(secured from duty for my own mental health).

This ended my involvement in this case. See also yesterday's case, striking out "victim" and substituting "suspect" throughout.
__________________

Now everyone finger your lips and go phbphbhpphbphbphbhpbhpbhpbph!!!

theSam!!