Another Forum Posting to Share from RecoveryFromMormonism
Some recent verbiage I guess,
some things that happened long ago that helped me become me but now I step away from it all,
I post occasionally to the Recovery From Mormonism forum/bulletin boards, I have a link to that Website.
Sometimes I'm lightMinded and other times I'm dead serious, in this post sharing I'm serious.
As you read down theList here, I'll Bold my writings.
Take care,
lovs,
theSam!!
Samuel L Flyinghorse
Anchorage, Alaska!!
---------------------------------
* Jan 18 09:12 a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Subject: a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Date: Jan 18 09:12
Author: lightfingerlouie
I have to look back at some of the things that got to me when I was in the church. When you try to make yourself fit in your assigned slot, you try to overlook the silliness. But when you leave, you can, at least, look back in wonder at what you tolerated. It was not easy.
Who could ever look back with any degree of warm nostalgia at testimony meetings? I am amazed at how many of those horrible things I had to endure.
I never did go to one I liked, and each one seemed to bring out liars and
mountebanks, hucksters and crack pots.
I recall the details of foreign travel, of how wonderful people thought they were, and how crazy some members could be. I heard about surgery, lost car keys, money coming from thin air, and endless "blessings."
The missionary testimony meetings were the worst, because participation was mandatory, and listening to the various missionaries trying to angle for a place in the mission home could be nauseating. I heard stories I knew were not true, and endless professions of "love for my companion" which were
detestable. I also recall the "joy" everyone felt at being able to be on that mission. Yes indeed, during the meeting, when the Mission President was listening, you loved that mission.
Fasting never did anything for me either. All it did was make me hungry and mean. I will, however, give it credit for inspiring some creativity. I found various ways to sneak away, and eat. Even on my mission, a companion and I would eat at a restaurant while the more devoted souls tracted and starved.
I grew weary of fasting. It was a useless practice. The more I did it. the more I hated it. I never saw fasting do anyone any good at all.
Another one that got to me was the very ceremonial way members would observe the Word of Wisdom. Watching people turn their coffee cups upside down in a restaurant was always fun. So was hearing people say "We are Mormons, and we do not drink alcohol." I guess they expected instant praise, but I never heard it. Mormons always overrate the positive impact the Word of Wisdom has on non-members. At best, at very best, no-one cares.
Another ritual I hated was the arrival of the home teachers. It always came at the very end of the month, often without any warning. The doorbell would ring, and you knew who it would be. They would enter the house, stay far too long, and annoy the hell out of you. You were never happy to see them come, but you always loved to see them leave.
During the very last months of my time in the church, two home teachers showed up, unannounced, on a Sunday afternoon. It was the last week of the month. I was tired and fed up, and said "You are here the last week of the month. You do not care about us, and we do not care about you. Let's just call the whole thing off." I will never forget the look on their faces. I knew it was time to leave the church. The rituals and intrusions had become intolerable.
Church interviews got old as well. At one time, they caused some fear and apprehension. Then, they become boring. Eventually, they made me angry enough to refuse to go. You can reach a point where you have had your last church interview.
I deeply resented the way they would call, and tell you when you would show up. Your time meant nothing. You did what you were told. If you asked "What is this about," they would say "You will find out when you come."
Did it ever dawn on these morons how rude and infuriating that was? Show up when we tell you, and we will not tell you why you are showing up. It could not have been more inconsiderate and intrusive. I am amazed that people still tolerate it. I am even more amazed that basic courtesy never stuck to "Priesthood authority."
And as for tolerating. . . . Does anyone not recall the sheer hell of a Sunday?
You were sick of it by Saturday night, because you knew what was ahead.
You would get up, put on a suit, and and go to the meetings. If you had little kids, you had the terrible struggle of getting them ready, and trying to make them understand whey their Sunday, entire, had to be ruined by dull, stupid, and ass numbing meetings.
Nothing was good about a Sunday. It was the worst day of the week. You got nothing from it, save a headache, and you dreaded every minute you spent in the chapel. Long hours of boredom do not make people righteous.
Mormonism seems to test your spirituality by seeing how many hours of boredom you can endure, and how well you can keep a four year old kid
quiet during those long hours. It was as far removed from anything positive as anything could ever be. I still cannot believe I tolerated it.
Mormonism is good, I guess, if you don't mind hours of useless meetings, strong feelings of guilt, fear, and regular intrusions into your private life. You have no privacy, no freedom, and no joy. But you do have the chance to get up in a testimony meeting, and tell everyone how much you love it.
Subject: Damn you Louie ;) for bringing back my Sunday pain for a few minutes. Kudos to you :) for
Date: Jan 18 09:39
Author: Mason
reminding me of how great it is to have had weekend freedom for the last five years. The best days of the week.
>
> And as for tolerating. . . . Does anyone not recall the sheer hell of a Sunday? You were sick of it by Saturday night, because you knew what was ahead.
>
So ridiculous. I was an attorney my last seven years in the church. I worked in a big city law firm and with commuting time had a stress-filled, demanding 60-hour-a-week work schedule. My life was Friday nights with my family and Saturday morning basketball. Otherwise, with exceptions here and there, I despised the weekend. Once Saturday at 4:00 p.m. hit, I had a sick feeling in my stomach. By the time Sunday passed, I was simply drained and ready to go back to work. Yes, truly, exactly as you say:
>
> Nothing was good about a Sunday. It was the worst day of the week. You got nothing from it, save a headache, and you dreaded every minute you spent in the chapel. Long hours of boredom do not make people righteous.
> Mormonism seems to test your spirituality by seeing how many hours of boredom you can endure, and how well you can keep a four year old kid
> quiet during those long hours. It was as far removed from anything positive as anything could ever be. I still cannot believe I tolerated it.
Subject: What do you mean--bringing back ALL KINDS of pain!!!
Date: Jan 18 10:27
Author: cl2
I pictured myself having to sit and listen to HTs when I was young--my parents and them talking and talking while we all had to sit there and listen. Also reminds me of the ones (a couple) that I had after my ex left me. The last day of the month is the last day of my pay period--and I work for production, so I was always working HOURS AND HOURS--and they always came the last day of the month whether I told them they couldn't or not--they'd still show up--which is why I requested NO HTs (they shot themselves in the foot there).
Fasting--I quit fasting when I was pregnant and never went back to the practice.
Sundays--I guess it was the futility I felt over the gay issue (praying forever--fasting forever for answers to this with none that the church found favorable happening). I was supposed to be perfect so I could save my husband--and I found my ways of "rebelling," so obviously it is MY FAULT he failed . . . . Anyway, I quit interviews after we got married (we'd been through enough trying to get married). I went to a very few after that. Never attended tithing settlement after I said, "Yes" at the alter. My ex was also ex. sec. for a while--and when he'd make his interfview calls, I'd always point out to him how obnoxious it all was (which is also when I determined my kids would never have a bishopric interview).
As for sac. mtg.--I had twins. As soon as one or both were TIRED, I'd be on my way out--and my ex would shoot me this look of disgust because HE KNEW I wouldn't be back!!! I usually walked home--or sat in the foyer--but I never returned. The kids didn't want to sit on his lap--they both wanted mine--Oh, but he was cheating extensively on me all that time, but I was the bad one.
At one time, he even said that my lack of being perfect was one of the reasons he was unable to resist temptation. hahahahahahahaha (He has apologized since then.)
Somewhere along the line--the whole idea of the gays being damned--and the futility of the insanity perpetuated by the church about this issue--just didn't ring true for my being perfect any more. That is when I quit doing all the nit-picky little stuff they require.
Subject: Fantastic read.....I really related to it.....n/t
Date: Jan 18 10:44
Author: Bulky
Subject: test one's *submissiveness* by seeing how many hours of boredom you can endure
Date: Jan 18 10:56
Author: Tiphanie
If I may make a change that was true for me.
the morg is all about seeing how far people will twist themselves into a knot to make the morg god happy with them. Heck, the morg's god has the tbms so twisted up they are kissing their own a$$e$ and calling it good.
:p
Subject: Annoying self-righteousness
Date: Jan 18 10:57
Author: Nonnie
>"We are Mormons, and we do not drink alcohol."
IOW, "Look at me! I'm a Mormon! I'm being righteous!"
What the bloody hell is wrong with a simple, "No, thanks"?! I tend to refuse alcohol if it's offered and very rarely has anybody commented or asked me why. Any Mormon who thinks they're making themselves or TSCC look good by this sort of announcement is an idiot.
Subject: yes saturday night was always depressing NOOOOOO not sunday!
Date: Jan 18 11:09
Author: ForgotMyNewName
It was an endurance contest. I mean I've learned everything about the church/doctrine since i was 14 or probably earlier, going to lessons after that was a pain. You never get anything new out of church, its just mind numbing pain that repeats every year. I've listened to who knows how many lessons on how to "get most out of prayer" but never learned anything new about it. So
it pretty much was a patience builder.
and occasional associative feelings of warm-fuzzies.
Subject: Sounds like a lot of the same things bugged you...
Date: Jan 18 12:03
Author: Deenie, the dreaded single adult
...that bugged me, too!
Sneaking to eat on a Fast Sunday...yep, I remember those days! And trying to think of something to say when you were absolutely COMPELLED to "bear your testimony" (like being called to RS presidency, etc.). Fasting, in general, was just a big drag. I never felt more spiritual, or anything even close. I was just unhappy.
The HT and VT visits (yeah, we women got a double blast): I can honestly say that there were maybe 5-6 visits that were enjoyable in the entire 22 years I was in the church. Not a very good record, I'm afraid... I nearly always felt uncomfortable with the HTs (esp. from a family ward--they sent the oldest two men in the ward to visit the single women, lest we should try to molest them!), and the VT visits were humilating. "Here, let me give you this lesson, which you gave to three women last week, and we all read in the Ensign the week before that..."
I was never good with the "chain of command" and "permission" thing, either. When something needed to be done, I set about doing it; I didn't want to wait to ask permission from someone else with no more knowledge or expertise than I already had... I was always in trouble over that one.
Yeah, lightfingerlouie, looking back, I can see my church membership as a long string of feeling uncomfortable with the way things were done; feeling a vague sense of nervousness over "getting caught" doing something out-of-line, even though I was never a bad or rebellious person...I think that letting those feelings go was the "lightness" I felt once I finally walked out that door.
:^)
I hated the whole "secrecy" thing--about callings, about meetings, about "interviews;" it's just a way for little people to make themselves feel puffed-up and important. Of course you're going to feel some attachment to your cohorts, when you've been in a calling together (RS presidency is what comes to my mind right away) for several years... I think they LIKE to make women cry, by not telling them that they're being released until they're in the middle of Sac. Mtg. ... "Ha, ha--you're OUTTA THERE!" Springing things on people is just plain rude--and yet it's part of mormonism's general practice. I hated it.
Subject: Oh---I forgot to add the part about the "ceremonial WoW observance!"
Date: Jan 18 18:32
Author: Deenie, the dreaded single adult
That was another one that drove me nuts.
At a restaurant, many 'members' felt compelled to turn their coffee cups upside down (as you mentioned), and then to tell the waitress, "Oh, we don't want COFFEE; we're MORMONS!"--as if she was going to go into the kitchen and tell all of the staff, "See that table over there? None of them wants coffee--they're MORMONS!"
I never, ever saw a waitress who even blinked an eye at that pronouncement. They just took our orders and went on their merry way...
...which did not stop the leadership from telling touching tales of "young people" who gained the admiration of the entire waitstaff and management of restaurants by not ordering coffee or tea (huh? Why would that be admirable?)--as well as getting praise from "an elderly couple at an adjoining table," who inevitably stopped by to tell the "young people" that they were impressed by their behavior, and by the fact that they'd turned their coffee cups upside down.
I never, NEVER saw or heard of any real people (only the folks in those GA "tales") who were impressed by the fact that someone passed up coffee or tea. Never.
We also had the cola-avoiders, the chocolate-abstainers, and those who shunned cough syrup... Even at my total TBM-est, those people drove me totally nuts, and embarrassed me when we were in public places.
:^)
Subject: Re: Oh---I forgot to add the part about the "ceremonial WoW observance!"
Date: Jan 18 19:39
Author: lightfingerlouie
I really hated the Word of Wisdom obedience stories. Mormons actually believed them, too.
I recall one about the single Mormon soldier in Army basic training. He, alone, did not smoke, and was teased about it mercilessly. But he stood by what he had been taught.
One day, a soldier came up to him and said "I have been watching you. I knew you were Mormon. If you had smoked, I would have lost all respect for you. But since you didn't smoke, I know you are sincere, and I want to talk to you about joining your church."
These bogus stories made me ill. They were the province of a Paul Dunn.
Subject: LOL-----topping for laughs! N/T
Date: Jan 23 04:24
Author: topper
Subject: Re: Oh---I forgot to add the part about the "ceremonial WoW observance!"
Date: Jan 23 15:50
Author: Holy GI Joe (link)
I heard that same story, only it was a Christian soldier in basic training, not mormon. Same story, different religion.
Have you heard the one about Holy Joe? Saintly soldier who took abuse from other soldiers, got boots thrown at him, shined them and then people marveled at his goodness?
Here's where that story originated:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0002/0002_01.asp
Subject: "The Knock..."
Date: Jan 18 12:10
...Your post brought back painful memories as an adolescent, laying in bed on Sunday morning, and waiting for "the Knock" on my door by my father, summoning me to suit up and head off to priesthood meeting.
The anticipation was excruciating. I used to pray it was a Fast Sunday or Conference Sunday, or some other anomaly...
My passive-aggressive responses included not emerging until right before he had to leave, of course adding to the guilt that I would feel for the rest of the day.
Sometimes I would feign illness. But more often than not, I would suit up in solemn duty, make the long ride to the meeting house, and grit my teeth for hours.
God, I hated those Sundays.
Subject: As always, Louie, you are plugged into how we all feel. It makes me wonder....
Date: Jan 18 12:52
Author: forestpal
Do the people there now, where we once were, squirming on those uncomfortable benches, being told for the millionth time to "honor the priesthood," and that Joseph Smith was a True Prophet of God--do they feel the way we did?
Or was it just us? Like Deenie, I wasn't rebellious or bad at all. I was just unhappy. Only a handfull of my peers complained, but the rest went through it with a smile all the while.
My complaining friends and I left the church. The smiling girls married rich Mormon men and donated to Proposition 8. (Their names were on the list.)
So, my question is, are they better actors than we were? Did they lie, when we complained honestly? Do you suppose there is anyone who LIKES the Mormon meetings?
Subject: You have a gift
Date: Jan 18 12:59
You have a gift, lightfingerlouie, at expressing my own feelings and thoughts. Unfortunately, I'm still living the life you described, although I am finding ways to phase out of it little by little.
Subject: Very well put LfL . . . you nailed it. ;o) n/t
Date: Jan 18 13:23
Author: JackMormon'sWife
Subject: Re: a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Date: Jan 18 13:31
Author: Sally
I started Mormonism in a small branch with a convert as my branch president so I doubt things got done correctly in our branch. I just remember the BP talking to me so briefly in tithing settlement that it was relatively painless.
"Are you a full tithe payer?"
"Yep"
"Thanks. See you next Sunday" (Why couldn't he just call me on the phone?)
Then I went off to BYU and it was a whole different mentality. I could never find the time for tithing settlement so I didn't go. Lo and behold, I was always deemed a full tithe payer on my year end receipts. So what was the damn meeting for? I never went to another tithing settlement after that. In all my days in TSCC I probably attended four TS's. I guess the bishop just wants to make sure he marks everyone as full tithe payer so the ward looks good??? I still don't get it.
Subject: "Let's just call the whole thing off" - Priceless n/t
Date: Jan 18 14:26
Author: Grey Matter
Subject: Great post!
Date: Jan 18 15:42
Author: NoToJoe
Like you, I always hated Sundays so much that it even ruined my Saturdays.....after all, Saturday was the day we get ready for SuuuuunDAY.
Sundays were hell with one small exception. When the hour hand finally would stand straight up and the moment to escape the boredom had arrived. The entire ward wanted the hell out and you better not block the exit if you valued your life.
Did you ever notice how impatient people would become if your lesson (during the 3rd hour of the block) went even two minutes past time. The stink eye was unbelievable, it was like they were all screaming ENOUGH ALREADY in their heads.
Subject: I agree about Sundays and Sat. ANYBODY HAD THIS???
Date: Jan 23 05:30
Author: Chief Luma
For me. Sundays were always hard to get going, because , Dam I'm missing my team playing on the TUBE~~~, When i got married in Happy Valley USA, I married a BP's daughter too, she told me that I can't watch sports on Sundays, This inculdes NFL < What???? Man I went cazy, yesss the BP had this rule too in his home, and now my new wife, OMG no NFL, that was hard! not anymore, I left her, lol
Fridays >>> High School Football, SAT >> College FOOTBALL
Sundays >>> NFL!!!!!!!!!!!
Subject: Some of us deacons hated church so much that we would walk in the front door
Date: Jan 23 09:58
Author: mav
after being dropped off and right out the back door. We would walk over to the local pharmacy that was open on Sundays and have a coke and sneak a look at the Playboys. We learned a lot about the facts of life. We would have learned nothing at tscc. We got back just before church let out.
Subject: I remember that I stood up to them, once!
Date: Jan 18 22:24
Years ago, I was called by the Bishop's flunkie and told "The Bishop wants to see you". I did the unthinkable and asked what he wanted! The flunkie said he had no idea--the Bishop would tell me when I came in. I was feeling annoyed and told him that if the Bishop could not tell me what he wanted first, I wasn't coming in until he DID let me know...Oddly, I never heard back from the flunkie or the Bishop!!
Subject: You are my new hero. I was always afraid at tscc. Even more so
Date: Jan 23 10:03
Author: mav
after the obligatory masturbation inquisition at age 12. Anyway, I turned the decon's advisor down for a talk. I thought he was going to have a heart attack "No one has ever said no before". I felt lower than whale sh** for a long time until I found it was all a lie by Fawn Brodie. Bless you Ms. Brodie. You were tough and correct to do that!
Subject: Oh boy, my writing skills suck because of Utah schools. It was not
Date: Jan 23 10:08
a lie BY Fawn Brodie but I discovered it was through her. Deacon is not spelled decon. Sorry.
Subject: Re: a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Date: Jan 18 22:38
Author: No Moniker
YES! The ceremonial observance of the WoW!
Many people, for what ever reason, choose not to drink. No one makes a big deal of it.
In fact, we are friends with a couple who are devout Baptists. They drink coffee by the gallon but no alcohol. When we would go out to dinner with a few other couples, most of us would order a glass of wine or beer with dinner. It was years before I realized that this couple didn't drink at all. They never made a big deal of it, never made the rest of us feel awkward.
Subject: you brought the memories flooding back, LFL
Date: Jan 19 00:44
Author: flash
I hated Sundays too. I ask all of you; Is there anything more boring than a Mormon Sacrament meeting or F&T meeting? Having a root canal is far more enjoyable & rewarding.
Your post got me thinking of how many of these meetings I have missed so far since I quit attending in August 1990. My estimations are that I have avoided about 957 Sacrament/SS/Priesthood 3 hour blocks not to mention the other useless meetings that spin off from them. That works out to be: 957 Sundays x 3 hours = 2871 hours or about 120 days for myself to spend doing what I want.
I love my Sundays now.
Subject: heheh funny things you did when you went to church as a teen!
Date: Jan 23 05:14
Author: Chief Luma
First, when I was doing the S.M> meeting by sitting at the post to say the SM blessings at that time, my friends and I would check out the good looking girls in S.M. lol! I loved sitting there so I would face the cong. and my two friends always sat with me. and trying to find that girl who think would put out (sex) with us, lol but the PH meetings were flipping dumb... I remember WEDs nights to go to mutual and man we would cause redic to the halls and the classes, we always making out with a hot chick in a dark halway lol. ok ok I just did this a few times, lol lol
Next, they had no clue... Bishop and his staff,> the Sat. night we drank and smoked pot. TBM in the ward thought we were the best PH examples for the kids, lol lol.... this was the about 1980,81.. BTW , when I was in High school the best girl you can get was the bishop's daughter, she was hot and lived only 2 houses down, I meet her sometimes behind her house at night and had lots of hot stuff with her lol
Next when I was about getting really into church, I went to those PH meetings and I thought I was going to die, boring and stupied, I remember the PH book that came out in 1995 and had each of the High and mighty.. Started with J.S. if I can recall.
I hated sunday school class, I tried to ask some questions about what is being taught, OMG I was looked at like STHU!
and you are wasting the time!
So sundays and the church just don't mix with me!
Subject: Re: a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Date: Jan 23 05:47
Author: awake now
If I had to explain my feelings about attending church and especially tesitmony meeting I would describe just that ! You nailed everything -well except RS testimonkey meeting where some pitiful sister would stand up and say something like ----" I am so thankful for my husband. I am greatful for his priesthood guidance eventhough I do not always appreciate it . Sisters I testify that satan wants to hurt our families. He is out to destroy our families and the brethern really are trying to protect us . Last week I was out and went shopping to buy myself a ( SOME NORMAL THINGS EVERYONE NEEDS LIKE SHOES) and I found something I really wanted ! I really wanted it but I knew my husband would not think it was okay but sister I did it anyway . When I got home he was upset and it caused me to feel proud and mean so we fought--BLAH BLAH BLAH . The next day I felt the spirit of the words he spoke and I realized that I was letting the advesary win . He really is just trying to guide our family in righteousness and I was touch by the spirit in my heart that I should BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!" This was always a woman whose hubby always had everything but the kids had squat and she dressed in rags!
Tell me the truth ladies -you have heard that in at least one ward you have attended? Or something close to it ??Maybe some story on how a woman had her child teach her the evils of caffeine by pointing out that diet coke makes jesus cry and how she is thankful for the wisdom of children and how easy they live the gospel?? you must have- I know I heard something like that in EVERY ward we ever attended. :)
Subject: What Got HER.....
Date: Jan 23 06:44
Author: theSam!!
Often I miss my female clients, my own harem of MassageJunkies!! that I carefully picked over 6yrs while living in Seattle and entertained them I did,
befriended them, healed them, listened to them, comforted them, etc, and was often given in return what I shared.
but I often wonder about Her,
she was one female among many that I met while living in seattle.
And I never got to massage her,
I never got to touch her,
I hardly even talked to her.
But we saw each other just about every week,
cos, when first getting my pittance of military disability pay from theGovt,
I got paper check and could cash them at any bank or check cashing place free of charge,
now adays you have to have an bank account or theTellers can't open up their till drawer for you,
and theCheck cashing places won't talk with you unless you have a bank account & some type of cards to go with that,
and she used to work at one of those check cashing places, where I first exchanged my govt paper for green currency,
At first she wasn't there in the business I started to frequent, but then she showed up, started working and eventually we got WorkPlace familiar,
Hi,
You need this today?
yes,
ok... here...
bye,
bye
Until the next month.
She eventually dated and got married to some BP or local authorities son, but was still humble enough to keep working another year till she started showing her first pregnancy and then she quit her job at theKiosk,
One summer, I rode my bike around that seattle neighborhood and got very hot and thirsty under an unusually hot summer sky,
she saw me come through the business doorway looking a little flushed and she got some water for me,
after I cooled down I continued bike riding home,
Later she changed from sweet peaches & creme to cutting her hair and styling it short just like her new mother in law,
I saw them in a local stake conference mtg and my banker friend didn't look to happy with 2 energetic girls running around,
basically she didn't look happy at all,
she frowned alot and even got a bit snappy with her young husband, albeit quietly, and I felt sad,
but, me being tbm too at the time,
didn't think anything more of it,
I couldn't fathom that perhaps there was something more burdensome that my friend had taken upon herself,
then, I thought for a moment,
That just by changing her hairStyle she "conformed" to fit into her new found family of stalwart tbms,
and I knew then.
For I too, at that time, was growing out my hair and it was past my shoulders, and still,
I'd show up at church and do everything that was asked of me throughout the week,
even my own HairGrowing had nothing to do with "rebellion" at that time, it had to do with my being a Cosmetologist and with being massage therapist too,
I had to fit in and conform in a sense to what I was looking for in my new business ventures,
with finding my "targetMarket" of females,
finding the married, Taken!!, Safe, stable minded and emotioned females.
And indeed,
most of my females treated me like a son or a loved brother.
Fed me when I was in need,
Most followed me around to where ever I set up shop in East side or in Seattle,
Just one atHome hair or massage session with one female was an all day session cos,
we'd visit, we'd eat, we'd all chat (family),
we'd go grocer shopping or errands,
then, back to her home, theFamily would go elsewhere or retreat somewhere else in the house,
then "mother" would dress down Often completely!! and get massaged.
and / Or, we'd play "Salon!!" and totally empty theHouse from perm chemical or color smells!!
LOL,
Just being in that kind of a work environment, was titilating, exciting yes, but I was there for business and I did my job well.
In fact, I did various work like this on a few tbm sisters and so I knew, that if I applied myself and "appeared" trustworthy enough, etc etc,
I knew I could get HER, my tbm friend in passing, as well.
I've seen many tbm sisters in my chair and on my table,
and saw many different sides to their personalities, and that was the human side of the church people that I knew-that I LOVED!!
then everyone of them, it seemed, would put on a mask, put away their real selves any other day of the week Including Sunday and be someone else,
in fact, once I had two tbms sisters nude on the living room floor and I massage them, I saw everything!!,
I touched and massaged everything!! and only because one uber tbm trusted her friend and for once, trusted me, and ever after, at least got a shoulders work down.
Having someone look you in the eyes after such intimate moments and say "thank you" and give you a hug sure outweighs any monetary sum of payment,
These women were beautiful, not your average tbm's, they were Nice. But part of my tbm-ness back then was shutting OFF part of myself, theSexual urge and focusing on my job of hair and massage and what else body service I did.
You want irony!? my fellow ExMos,
Waxing a wintersWorth of LandingStrip one friday night from a delightsome married Nephite woman,
and then looking over at her in her temple veil theNext day and just smiling at each other while Elohim talks....
smiling for no reason, just because.
Perhaps we too, me and all my clientFriends, like mrGadianton of old!! (wink-wink-nudge) knew our own secrets, gloried in them and never really told anyone.
but seriously, I don't know.
So as far as thinking OFF track one sunday for a bit, I saw how pained and harried my young tbm "friend" was at stakeCon!!,
how pressured to conform and how stifled her free spirit was, and how it could be and Sadly- how female tbm femininity still IS in various relationships and circumstances in tbm families today!!
I miss my hair & massage ladies,
but a small part of me misses those few ladies that I never really met, but just saw from afar,
I hear a couple have popped out more kids and are still tbm today,
I cut one's Kidz' hair,
I got rides from anothers hubby a few times to work,
I helped in some food drive and was passenger in another ladies miniVan,
these and many others I was SOOO close to, but never got them. Oddly enough, it is them I miss the most and not theWomen I touched, saw and really became friends with.
thanks for posting this,
somehow I needed to say something like this Composite I've posted.
lovs,
theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, ak
Subject: Re: a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Date:
What is with Mormons showing up at the door unannounced? I never visit anybody without calling first, except maybe to ask my next-door neighbor a quick question.
In addition they always seem to have suits on. When I get home from work, I get comfortable. No shoes, shorts whenever possible, I live in southern California.
My wife always complains about the unannounced visits, she’s not sure if it rudeness or a power play. My vote is it is a power play. I.e.: you must always be perfect; you never know when a member will be checking up on you.
House spotless – check
Well dressed – check
Etc, etc, etc – check, check, check
Subject: a day in the life of the exec sec'y (language)
Date: Jan 23 13:04
Author: alscai
I may have bitched on here about my stint as ES in our ward. I'm socially phobic, and this seems especially pronounced on the phone, probably because I can't see the nonverbal reactions on the other end. I only accepted because I had always been taught that callings were inspired and so I figured this calling was to help me overcome my phobia.
I'd nearly always put off calls until Saturday (these are the calls everyone hates to get, except I was the one givin' em out). I'd get this tight feeling in my gut. I'd hope the list consisted of docile, polite members, but there would always be 'inactives' and other hard to contact folks because that's who the bishop sees.
I can't even describe how loathsome an activity this was. I'd be irritable. My DW would try to schedule a fun activity for the us and the kids (the nerve!! Saturday is not for fun), and I'd either cancel or make the activity miserable because I was so stressed over the calls I hadn't made.
Typical episode: So I call up some inactive guy so the bishop could 'check up' on him. If I'm lucky, he doesn't know my number because he hasn't been badgered since the last ES. The phone rings, I feel sweaty, don't want to do this. Will he answer? Probably not, it's been 6 rings. Oh shit!! He answered. No, wait, just a fucking answering machine. Dammit! Leave a message? No, that won't work. I'll try again. I don't wanna do that! Ok, leave a message then: "Uh Bro. Jones, this is Bro. alscai, I'm calling to see if you can come to the church in your sunday best to have a really informal and not-at-all-threatening encounter with Bishop X. And no, I can't tell you what it's about. Bye! Call me."
So, yeah, Sundays. Don't miss em.
Subject: The guilt started early
Date: Jan 23 13:09
Author: jacyn
I remember sitting in F&T meeting as a young child and hearing person after person testify, "I know this church is true, I know J. S. is a true prophet, blah blah..."
I knew there must be something wrong with me because I didn't KNOW anything. Based on what I was taught, the reason I didn't know was because I hadn't qualified myself to learn the truth ...
Thank sky-daddy that my critical thinking skills were desperately trying to manifest themselves, even when I was trying so hard to walk the walk.
Subject: Saturday nausea, Sunday headache, M,T,W,T,F, dread for what was coming on the weekend. n/t
Date: Jan 23 13:22
Author: Princess Pie
some things that happened long ago that helped me become me but now I step away from it all,
I post occasionally to the Recovery From Mormonism forum/bulletin boards, I have a link to that Website.
Sometimes I'm lightMinded and other times I'm dead serious, in this post sharing I'm serious.
As you read down theList here, I'll Bold my writings.
Take care,
lovs,
theSam!!
Samuel L Flyinghorse
Anchorage, Alaska!!
---------------------------------
* Jan 18 09:12 a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Subject: a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Date: Jan 18 09:12
Author: lightfingerlouie
I have to look back at some of the things that got to me when I was in the church. When you try to make yourself fit in your assigned slot, you try to overlook the silliness. But when you leave, you can, at least, look back in wonder at what you tolerated. It was not easy.
Who could ever look back with any degree of warm nostalgia at testimony meetings? I am amazed at how many of those horrible things I had to endure.
I never did go to one I liked, and each one seemed to bring out liars and
mountebanks, hucksters and crack pots.
I recall the details of foreign travel, of how wonderful people thought they were, and how crazy some members could be. I heard about surgery, lost car keys, money coming from thin air, and endless "blessings."
The missionary testimony meetings were the worst, because participation was mandatory, and listening to the various missionaries trying to angle for a place in the mission home could be nauseating. I heard stories I knew were not true, and endless professions of "love for my companion" which were
detestable. I also recall the "joy" everyone felt at being able to be on that mission. Yes indeed, during the meeting, when the Mission President was listening, you loved that mission.
Fasting never did anything for me either. All it did was make me hungry and mean. I will, however, give it credit for inspiring some creativity. I found various ways to sneak away, and eat. Even on my mission, a companion and I would eat at a restaurant while the more devoted souls tracted and starved.
I grew weary of fasting. It was a useless practice. The more I did it. the more I hated it. I never saw fasting do anyone any good at all.
Another one that got to me was the very ceremonial way members would observe the Word of Wisdom. Watching people turn their coffee cups upside down in a restaurant was always fun. So was hearing people say "We are Mormons, and we do not drink alcohol." I guess they expected instant praise, but I never heard it. Mormons always overrate the positive impact the Word of Wisdom has on non-members. At best, at very best, no-one cares.
Another ritual I hated was the arrival of the home teachers. It always came at the very end of the month, often without any warning. The doorbell would ring, and you knew who it would be. They would enter the house, stay far too long, and annoy the hell out of you. You were never happy to see them come, but you always loved to see them leave.
During the very last months of my time in the church, two home teachers showed up, unannounced, on a Sunday afternoon. It was the last week of the month. I was tired and fed up, and said "You are here the last week of the month. You do not care about us, and we do not care about you. Let's just call the whole thing off." I will never forget the look on their faces. I knew it was time to leave the church. The rituals and intrusions had become intolerable.
Church interviews got old as well. At one time, they caused some fear and apprehension. Then, they become boring. Eventually, they made me angry enough to refuse to go. You can reach a point where you have had your last church interview.
I deeply resented the way they would call, and tell you when you would show up. Your time meant nothing. You did what you were told. If you asked "What is this about," they would say "You will find out when you come."
Did it ever dawn on these morons how rude and infuriating that was? Show up when we tell you, and we will not tell you why you are showing up. It could not have been more inconsiderate and intrusive. I am amazed that people still tolerate it. I am even more amazed that basic courtesy never stuck to "Priesthood authority."
And as for tolerating. . . . Does anyone not recall the sheer hell of a Sunday?
You were sick of it by Saturday night, because you knew what was ahead.
You would get up, put on a suit, and and go to the meetings. If you had little kids, you had the terrible struggle of getting them ready, and trying to make them understand whey their Sunday, entire, had to be ruined by dull, stupid, and ass numbing meetings.
Nothing was good about a Sunday. It was the worst day of the week. You got nothing from it, save a headache, and you dreaded every minute you spent in the chapel. Long hours of boredom do not make people righteous.
Mormonism seems to test your spirituality by seeing how many hours of boredom you can endure, and how well you can keep a four year old kid
quiet during those long hours. It was as far removed from anything positive as anything could ever be. I still cannot believe I tolerated it.
Mormonism is good, I guess, if you don't mind hours of useless meetings, strong feelings of guilt, fear, and regular intrusions into your private life. You have no privacy, no freedom, and no joy. But you do have the chance to get up in a testimony meeting, and tell everyone how much you love it.
Subject: Damn you Louie ;) for bringing back my Sunday pain for a few minutes. Kudos to you :) for
Date: Jan 18 09:39
Author: Mason
reminding me of how great it is to have had weekend freedom for the last five years. The best days of the week.
>
> And as for tolerating. . . . Does anyone not recall the sheer hell of a Sunday? You were sick of it by Saturday night, because you knew what was ahead.
>
So ridiculous. I was an attorney my last seven years in the church. I worked in a big city law firm and with commuting time had a stress-filled, demanding 60-hour-a-week work schedule. My life was Friday nights with my family and Saturday morning basketball. Otherwise, with exceptions here and there, I despised the weekend. Once Saturday at 4:00 p.m. hit, I had a sick feeling in my stomach. By the time Sunday passed, I was simply drained and ready to go back to work. Yes, truly, exactly as you say:
>
> Nothing was good about a Sunday. It was the worst day of the week. You got nothing from it, save a headache, and you dreaded every minute you spent in the chapel. Long hours of boredom do not make people righteous.
> Mormonism seems to test your spirituality by seeing how many hours of boredom you can endure, and how well you can keep a four year old kid
> quiet during those long hours. It was as far removed from anything positive as anything could ever be. I still cannot believe I tolerated it.
Subject: What do you mean--bringing back ALL KINDS of pain!!!
Date: Jan 18 10:27
Author: cl2
I pictured myself having to sit and listen to HTs when I was young--my parents and them talking and talking while we all had to sit there and listen. Also reminds me of the ones (a couple) that I had after my ex left me. The last day of the month is the last day of my pay period--and I work for production, so I was always working HOURS AND HOURS--and they always came the last day of the month whether I told them they couldn't or not--they'd still show up--which is why I requested NO HTs (they shot themselves in the foot there).
Fasting--I quit fasting when I was pregnant and never went back to the practice.
Sundays--I guess it was the futility I felt over the gay issue (praying forever--fasting forever for answers to this with none that the church found favorable happening). I was supposed to be perfect so I could save my husband--and I found my ways of "rebelling," so obviously it is MY FAULT he failed . . . . Anyway, I quit interviews after we got married (we'd been through enough trying to get married). I went to a very few after that. Never attended tithing settlement after I said, "Yes" at the alter. My ex was also ex. sec. for a while--and when he'd make his interfview calls, I'd always point out to him how obnoxious it all was (which is also when I determined my kids would never have a bishopric interview).
As for sac. mtg.--I had twins. As soon as one or both were TIRED, I'd be on my way out--and my ex would shoot me this look of disgust because HE KNEW I wouldn't be back!!! I usually walked home--or sat in the foyer--but I never returned. The kids didn't want to sit on his lap--they both wanted mine--Oh, but he was cheating extensively on me all that time, but I was the bad one.
At one time, he even said that my lack of being perfect was one of the reasons he was unable to resist temptation. hahahahahahahaha (He has apologized since then.)
Somewhere along the line--the whole idea of the gays being damned--and the futility of the insanity perpetuated by the church about this issue--just didn't ring true for my being perfect any more. That is when I quit doing all the nit-picky little stuff they require.
Subject: Fantastic read.....I really related to it.....n/t
Date: Jan 18 10:44
Author: Bulky
Subject: test one's *submissiveness* by seeing how many hours of boredom you can endure
Date: Jan 18 10:56
Author: Tiphanie
If I may make a change that was true for me.
the morg is all about seeing how far people will twist themselves into a knot to make the morg god happy with them. Heck, the morg's god has the tbms so twisted up they are kissing their own a$$e$ and calling it good.
:p
Subject: Annoying self-righteousness
Date: Jan 18 10:57
Author: Nonnie
>"We are Mormons, and we do not drink alcohol."
IOW, "Look at me! I'm a Mormon! I'm being righteous!"
What the bloody hell is wrong with a simple, "No, thanks"?! I tend to refuse alcohol if it's offered and very rarely has anybody commented or asked me why. Any Mormon who thinks they're making themselves or TSCC look good by this sort of announcement is an idiot.
Subject: yes saturday night was always depressing NOOOOOO not sunday!
Date: Jan 18 11:09
Author: ForgotMyNewName
It was an endurance contest. I mean I've learned everything about the church/doctrine since i was 14 or probably earlier, going to lessons after that was a pain. You never get anything new out of church, its just mind numbing pain that repeats every year. I've listened to who knows how many lessons on how to "get most out of prayer" but never learned anything new about it. So
it pretty much was a patience builder.
and occasional associative feelings of warm-fuzzies.
Subject: Sounds like a lot of the same things bugged you...
Date: Jan 18 12:03
Author: Deenie, the dreaded single adult
...that bugged me, too!
Sneaking to eat on a Fast Sunday...yep, I remember those days! And trying to think of something to say when you were absolutely COMPELLED to "bear your testimony" (like being called to RS presidency, etc.). Fasting, in general, was just a big drag. I never felt more spiritual, or anything even close. I was just unhappy.
The HT and VT visits (yeah, we women got a double blast): I can honestly say that there were maybe 5-6 visits that were enjoyable in the entire 22 years I was in the church. Not a very good record, I'm afraid... I nearly always felt uncomfortable with the HTs (esp. from a family ward--they sent the oldest two men in the ward to visit the single women, lest we should try to molest them!), and the VT visits were humilating. "Here, let me give you this lesson, which you gave to three women last week, and we all read in the Ensign the week before that..."
I was never good with the "chain of command" and "permission" thing, either. When something needed to be done, I set about doing it; I didn't want to wait to ask permission from someone else with no more knowledge or expertise than I already had... I was always in trouble over that one.
Yeah, lightfingerlouie, looking back, I can see my church membership as a long string of feeling uncomfortable with the way things were done; feeling a vague sense of nervousness over "getting caught" doing something out-of-line, even though I was never a bad or rebellious person...I think that letting those feelings go was the "lightness" I felt once I finally walked out that door.
:^)
I hated the whole "secrecy" thing--about callings, about meetings, about "interviews;" it's just a way for little people to make themselves feel puffed-up and important. Of course you're going to feel some attachment to your cohorts, when you've been in a calling together (RS presidency is what comes to my mind right away) for several years... I think they LIKE to make women cry, by not telling them that they're being released until they're in the middle of Sac. Mtg. ... "Ha, ha--you're OUTTA THERE!" Springing things on people is just plain rude--and yet it's part of mormonism's general practice. I hated it.
Subject: Oh---I forgot to add the part about the "ceremonial WoW observance!"
Date: Jan 18 18:32
Author: Deenie, the dreaded single adult
That was another one that drove me nuts.
At a restaurant, many 'members' felt compelled to turn their coffee cups upside down (as you mentioned), and then to tell the waitress, "Oh, we don't want COFFEE; we're MORMONS!"--as if she was going to go into the kitchen and tell all of the staff, "See that table over there? None of them wants coffee--they're MORMONS!"
I never, ever saw a waitress who even blinked an eye at that pronouncement. They just took our orders and went on their merry way...
...which did not stop the leadership from telling touching tales of "young people" who gained the admiration of the entire waitstaff and management of restaurants by not ordering coffee or tea (huh? Why would that be admirable?)--as well as getting praise from "an elderly couple at an adjoining table," who inevitably stopped by to tell the "young people" that they were impressed by their behavior, and by the fact that they'd turned their coffee cups upside down.
I never, NEVER saw or heard of any real people (only the folks in those GA "tales") who were impressed by the fact that someone passed up coffee or tea. Never.
We also had the cola-avoiders, the chocolate-abstainers, and those who shunned cough syrup... Even at my total TBM-est, those people drove me totally nuts, and embarrassed me when we were in public places.
:^)
Subject: Re: Oh---I forgot to add the part about the "ceremonial WoW observance!"
Date: Jan 18 19:39
Author: lightfingerlouie
I really hated the Word of Wisdom obedience stories. Mormons actually believed them, too.
I recall one about the single Mormon soldier in Army basic training. He, alone, did not smoke, and was teased about it mercilessly. But he stood by what he had been taught.
One day, a soldier came up to him and said "I have been watching you. I knew you were Mormon. If you had smoked, I would have lost all respect for you. But since you didn't smoke, I know you are sincere, and I want to talk to you about joining your church."
These bogus stories made me ill. They were the province of a Paul Dunn.
Subject: LOL-----topping for laughs! N/T
Date: Jan 23 04:24
Author: topper
Subject: Re: Oh---I forgot to add the part about the "ceremonial WoW observance!"
Date: Jan 23 15:50
Author: Holy GI Joe (link)
I heard that same story, only it was a Christian soldier in basic training, not mormon. Same story, different religion.
Have you heard the one about Holy Joe? Saintly soldier who took abuse from other soldiers, got boots thrown at him, shined them and then people marveled at his goodness?
Here's where that story originated:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0002/0002_01.asp
Subject: "The Knock..."
Date: Jan 18 12:10
...Your post brought back painful memories as an adolescent, laying in bed on Sunday morning, and waiting for "the Knock" on my door by my father, summoning me to suit up and head off to priesthood meeting.
The anticipation was excruciating. I used to pray it was a Fast Sunday or Conference Sunday, or some other anomaly...
My passive-aggressive responses included not emerging until right before he had to leave, of course adding to the guilt that I would feel for the rest of the day.
Sometimes I would feign illness. But more often than not, I would suit up in solemn duty, make the long ride to the meeting house, and grit my teeth for hours.
God, I hated those Sundays.
Subject: As always, Louie, you are plugged into how we all feel. It makes me wonder....
Date: Jan 18 12:52
Author: forestpal
Do the people there now, where we once were, squirming on those uncomfortable benches, being told for the millionth time to "honor the priesthood," and that Joseph Smith was a True Prophet of God--do they feel the way we did?
Or was it just us? Like Deenie, I wasn't rebellious or bad at all. I was just unhappy. Only a handfull of my peers complained, but the rest went through it with a smile all the while.
My complaining friends and I left the church. The smiling girls married rich Mormon men and donated to Proposition 8. (Their names were on the list.)
So, my question is, are they better actors than we were? Did they lie, when we complained honestly? Do you suppose there is anyone who LIKES the Mormon meetings?
Subject: You have a gift
Date: Jan 18 12:59
You have a gift, lightfingerlouie, at expressing my own feelings and thoughts. Unfortunately, I'm still living the life you described, although I am finding ways to phase out of it little by little.
Subject: Very well put LfL . . . you nailed it. ;o) n/t
Date: Jan 18 13:23
Author: JackMormon'sWife
Subject: Re: a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Date: Jan 18 13:31
Author: Sally
I started Mormonism in a small branch with a convert as my branch president so I doubt things got done correctly in our branch. I just remember the BP talking to me so briefly in tithing settlement that it was relatively painless.
"Are you a full tithe payer?"
"Yep"
"Thanks. See you next Sunday" (Why couldn't he just call me on the phone?)
Then I went off to BYU and it was a whole different mentality. I could never find the time for tithing settlement so I didn't go. Lo and behold, I was always deemed a full tithe payer on my year end receipts. So what was the damn meeting for? I never went to another tithing settlement after that. In all my days in TSCC I probably attended four TS's. I guess the bishop just wants to make sure he marks everyone as full tithe payer so the ward looks good??? I still don't get it.
Subject: "Let's just call the whole thing off" - Priceless n/t
Date: Jan 18 14:26
Author: Grey Matter
Subject: Great post!
Date: Jan 18 15:42
Author: NoToJoe
Like you, I always hated Sundays so much that it even ruined my Saturdays.....after all, Saturday was the day we get ready for SuuuuunDAY.
Sundays were hell with one small exception. When the hour hand finally would stand straight up and the moment to escape the boredom had arrived. The entire ward wanted the hell out and you better not block the exit if you valued your life.
Did you ever notice how impatient people would become if your lesson (during the 3rd hour of the block) went even two minutes past time. The stink eye was unbelievable, it was like they were all screaming ENOUGH ALREADY in their heads.
Subject: I agree about Sundays and Sat. ANYBODY HAD THIS???
Date: Jan 23 05:30
Author: Chief Luma
For me. Sundays were always hard to get going, because , Dam I'm missing my team playing on the TUBE~~~, When i got married in Happy Valley USA, I married a BP's daughter too, she told me that I can't watch sports on Sundays, This inculdes NFL < What???? Man I went cazy, yesss the BP had this rule too in his home, and now my new wife, OMG no NFL, that was hard! not anymore, I left her, lol
Fridays >>> High School Football, SAT >> College FOOTBALL
Sundays >>> NFL!!!!!!!!!!!
Subject: Some of us deacons hated church so much that we would walk in the front door
Date: Jan 23 09:58
Author: mav
after being dropped off and right out the back door. We would walk over to the local pharmacy that was open on Sundays and have a coke and sneak a look at the Playboys. We learned a lot about the facts of life. We would have learned nothing at tscc. We got back just before church let out.
Subject: I remember that I stood up to them, once!
Date: Jan 18 22:24
Years ago, I was called by the Bishop's flunkie and told "The Bishop wants to see you". I did the unthinkable and asked what he wanted! The flunkie said he had no idea--the Bishop would tell me when I came in. I was feeling annoyed and told him that if the Bishop could not tell me what he wanted first, I wasn't coming in until he DID let me know...Oddly, I never heard back from the flunkie or the Bishop!!
Subject: You are my new hero. I was always afraid at tscc. Even more so
Date: Jan 23 10:03
Author: mav
after the obligatory masturbation inquisition at age 12. Anyway, I turned the decon's advisor down for a talk. I thought he was going to have a heart attack "No one has ever said no before". I felt lower than whale sh** for a long time until I found it was all a lie by Fawn Brodie. Bless you Ms. Brodie. You were tough and correct to do that!
Subject: Oh boy, my writing skills suck because of Utah schools. It was not
Date: Jan 23 10:08
a lie BY Fawn Brodie but I discovered it was through her. Deacon is not spelled decon. Sorry.
Subject: Re: a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Date: Jan 18 22:38
Author: No Moniker
YES! The ceremonial observance of the WoW!
Many people, for what ever reason, choose not to drink. No one makes a big deal of it.
In fact, we are friends with a couple who are devout Baptists. They drink coffee by the gallon but no alcohol. When we would go out to dinner with a few other couples, most of us would order a glass of wine or beer with dinner. It was years before I realized that this couple didn't drink at all. They never made a big deal of it, never made the rest of us feel awkward.
Subject: you brought the memories flooding back, LFL
Date: Jan 19 00:44
Author: flash
I hated Sundays too. I ask all of you; Is there anything more boring than a Mormon Sacrament meeting or F&T meeting? Having a root canal is far more enjoyable & rewarding.
Your post got me thinking of how many of these meetings I have missed so far since I quit attending in August 1990. My estimations are that I have avoided about 957 Sacrament/SS/Priesthood 3 hour blocks not to mention the other useless meetings that spin off from them. That works out to be: 957 Sundays x 3 hours = 2871 hours or about 120 days for myself to spend doing what I want.
I love my Sundays now.
Subject: heheh funny things you did when you went to church as a teen!
Date: Jan 23 05:14
Author: Chief Luma
First, when I was doing the S.M> meeting by sitting at the post to say the SM blessings at that time, my friends and I would check out the good looking girls in S.M. lol! I loved sitting there so I would face the cong. and my two friends always sat with me. and trying to find that girl who think would put out (sex) with us, lol but the PH meetings were flipping dumb... I remember WEDs nights to go to mutual and man we would cause redic to the halls and the classes, we always making out with a hot chick in a dark halway lol. ok ok I just did this a few times, lol lol
Next, they had no clue... Bishop and his staff,> the Sat. night we drank and smoked pot. TBM in the ward thought we were the best PH examples for the kids, lol lol.... this was the about 1980,81.. BTW , when I was in High school the best girl you can get was the bishop's daughter, she was hot and lived only 2 houses down, I meet her sometimes behind her house at night and had lots of hot stuff with her lol
Next when I was about getting really into church, I went to those PH meetings and I thought I was going to die, boring and stupied, I remember the PH book that came out in 1995 and had each of the High and mighty.. Started with J.S. if I can recall.
I hated sunday school class, I tried to ask some questions about what is being taught, OMG I was looked at like STHU!
and you are wasting the time!
So sundays and the church just don't mix with me!
Subject: Re: a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Date: Jan 23 05:47
Author: awake now
If I had to explain my feelings about attending church and especially tesitmony meeting I would describe just that ! You nailed everything -well except RS testimonkey meeting where some pitiful sister would stand up and say something like ----" I am so thankful for my husband. I am greatful for his priesthood guidance eventhough I do not always appreciate it . Sisters I testify that satan wants to hurt our families. He is out to destroy our families and the brethern really are trying to protect us . Last week I was out and went shopping to buy myself a ( SOME NORMAL THINGS EVERYONE NEEDS LIKE SHOES) and I found something I really wanted ! I really wanted it but I knew my husband would not think it was okay but sister I did it anyway . When I got home he was upset and it caused me to feel proud and mean so we fought--BLAH BLAH BLAH . The next day I felt the spirit of the words he spoke and I realized that I was letting the advesary win . He really is just trying to guide our family in righteousness and I was touch by the spirit in my heart that I should BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!" This was always a woman whose hubby always had everything but the kids had squat and she dressed in rags!
Tell me the truth ladies -you have heard that in at least one ward you have attended? Or something close to it ??Maybe some story on how a woman had her child teach her the evils of caffeine by pointing out that diet coke makes jesus cry and how she is thankful for the wisdom of children and how easy they live the gospel?? you must have- I know I heard something like that in EVERY ward we ever attended. :)
Subject: What Got HER.....
Date: Jan 23 06:44
Author: theSam!!
Often I miss my female clients, my own harem of MassageJunkies!! that I carefully picked over 6yrs while living in Seattle and entertained them I did,
befriended them, healed them, listened to them, comforted them, etc, and was often given in return what I shared.
but I often wonder about Her,
she was one female among many that I met while living in seattle.
And I never got to massage her,
I never got to touch her,
I hardly even talked to her.
But we saw each other just about every week,
cos, when first getting my pittance of military disability pay from theGovt,
I got paper check and could cash them at any bank or check cashing place free of charge,
now adays you have to have an bank account or theTellers can't open up their till drawer for you,
and theCheck cashing places won't talk with you unless you have a bank account & some type of cards to go with that,
and she used to work at one of those check cashing places, where I first exchanged my govt paper for green currency,
At first she wasn't there in the business I started to frequent, but then she showed up, started working and eventually we got WorkPlace familiar,
Hi,
You need this today?
yes,
ok... here...
bye,
bye
Until the next month.
She eventually dated and got married to some BP or local authorities son, but was still humble enough to keep working another year till she started showing her first pregnancy and then she quit her job at theKiosk,
One summer, I rode my bike around that seattle neighborhood and got very hot and thirsty under an unusually hot summer sky,
she saw me come through the business doorway looking a little flushed and she got some water for me,
after I cooled down I continued bike riding home,
Later she changed from sweet peaches & creme to cutting her hair and styling it short just like her new mother in law,
I saw them in a local stake conference mtg and my banker friend didn't look to happy with 2 energetic girls running around,
basically she didn't look happy at all,
she frowned alot and even got a bit snappy with her young husband, albeit quietly, and I felt sad,
but, me being tbm too at the time,
didn't think anything more of it,
I couldn't fathom that perhaps there was something more burdensome that my friend had taken upon herself,
then, I thought for a moment,
That just by changing her hairStyle she "conformed" to fit into her new found family of stalwart tbms,
and I knew then.
For I too, at that time, was growing out my hair and it was past my shoulders, and still,
I'd show up at church and do everything that was asked of me throughout the week,
even my own HairGrowing had nothing to do with "rebellion" at that time, it had to do with my being a Cosmetologist and with being massage therapist too,
I had to fit in and conform in a sense to what I was looking for in my new business ventures,
with finding my "targetMarket" of females,
finding the married, Taken!!, Safe, stable minded and emotioned females.
And indeed,
most of my females treated me like a son or a loved brother.
Fed me when I was in need,
Most followed me around to where ever I set up shop in East side or in Seattle,
Just one atHome hair or massage session with one female was an all day session cos,
we'd visit, we'd eat, we'd all chat (family),
we'd go grocer shopping or errands,
then, back to her home, theFamily would go elsewhere or retreat somewhere else in the house,
then "mother" would dress down Often completely!! and get massaged.
and / Or, we'd play "Salon!!" and totally empty theHouse from perm chemical or color smells!!
LOL,
Just being in that kind of a work environment, was titilating, exciting yes, but I was there for business and I did my job well.
In fact, I did various work like this on a few tbm sisters and so I knew, that if I applied myself and "appeared" trustworthy enough, etc etc,
I knew I could get HER, my tbm friend in passing, as well.
I've seen many tbm sisters in my chair and on my table,
and saw many different sides to their personalities, and that was the human side of the church people that I knew-that I LOVED!!
then everyone of them, it seemed, would put on a mask, put away their real selves any other day of the week Including Sunday and be someone else,
in fact, once I had two tbms sisters nude on the living room floor and I massage them, I saw everything!!,
I touched and massaged everything!! and only because one uber tbm trusted her friend and for once, trusted me, and ever after, at least got a shoulders work down.
Having someone look you in the eyes after such intimate moments and say "thank you" and give you a hug sure outweighs any monetary sum of payment,
These women were beautiful, not your average tbm's, they were Nice. But part of my tbm-ness back then was shutting OFF part of myself, theSexual urge and focusing on my job of hair and massage and what else body service I did.
You want irony!? my fellow ExMos,
Waxing a wintersWorth of LandingStrip one friday night from a delightsome married Nephite woman,
and then looking over at her in her temple veil theNext day and just smiling at each other while Elohim talks....
smiling for no reason, just because.
Perhaps we too, me and all my clientFriends, like mrGadianton of old!! (wink-wink-nudge) knew our own secrets, gloried in them and never really told anyone.
but seriously, I don't know.
So as far as thinking OFF track one sunday for a bit, I saw how pained and harried my young tbm "friend" was at stakeCon!!,
how pressured to conform and how stifled her free spirit was, and how it could be and Sadly- how female tbm femininity still IS in various relationships and circumstances in tbm families today!!
I miss my hair & massage ladies,
but a small part of me misses those few ladies that I never really met, but just saw from afar,
I hear a couple have popped out more kids and are still tbm today,
I cut one's Kidz' hair,
I got rides from anothers hubby a few times to work,
I helped in some food drive and was passenger in another ladies miniVan,
these and many others I was SOOO close to, but never got them. Oddly enough, it is them I miss the most and not theWomen I touched, saw and really became friends with.
thanks for posting this,
somehow I needed to say something like this Composite I've posted.
lovs,
theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, ak
Subject: Re: a few of the things that always got to me when I was in the church
Date:
What is with Mormons showing up at the door unannounced? I never visit anybody without calling first, except maybe to ask my next-door neighbor a quick question.
In addition they always seem to have suits on. When I get home from work, I get comfortable. No shoes, shorts whenever possible, I live in southern California.
My wife always complains about the unannounced visits, she’s not sure if it rudeness or a power play. My vote is it is a power play. I.e.: you must always be perfect; you never know when a member will be checking up on you.
House spotless – check
Well dressed – check
Etc, etc, etc – check, check, check
Subject: a day in the life of the exec sec'y (language)
Date: Jan 23 13:04
Author: alscai
I may have bitched on here about my stint as ES in our ward. I'm socially phobic, and this seems especially pronounced on the phone, probably because I can't see the nonverbal reactions on the other end. I only accepted because I had always been taught that callings were inspired and so I figured this calling was to help me overcome my phobia.
I'd nearly always put off calls until Saturday (these are the calls everyone hates to get, except I was the one givin' em out). I'd get this tight feeling in my gut. I'd hope the list consisted of docile, polite members, but there would always be 'inactives' and other hard to contact folks because that's who the bishop sees.
I can't even describe how loathsome an activity this was. I'd be irritable. My DW would try to schedule a fun activity for the us and the kids (the nerve!! Saturday is not for fun), and I'd either cancel or make the activity miserable because I was so stressed over the calls I hadn't made.
Typical episode: So I call up some inactive guy so the bishop could 'check up' on him. If I'm lucky, he doesn't know my number because he hasn't been badgered since the last ES. The phone rings, I feel sweaty, don't want to do this. Will he answer? Probably not, it's been 6 rings. Oh shit!! He answered. No, wait, just a fucking answering machine. Dammit! Leave a message? No, that won't work. I'll try again. I don't wanna do that! Ok, leave a message then: "Uh Bro. Jones, this is Bro. alscai, I'm calling to see if you can come to the church in your sunday best to have a really informal and not-at-all-threatening encounter with Bishop X. And no, I can't tell you what it's about. Bye! Call me."
So, yeah, Sundays. Don't miss em.
Subject: The guilt started early
Date: Jan 23 13:09
Author: jacyn
I remember sitting in F&T meeting as a young child and hearing person after person testify, "I know this church is true, I know J. S. is a true prophet, blah blah..."
I knew there must be something wrong with me because I didn't KNOW anything. Based on what I was taught, the reason I didn't know was because I hadn't qualified myself to learn the truth ...
Thank sky-daddy that my critical thinking skills were desperately trying to manifest themselves, even when I was trying so hard to walk the walk.
Subject: Saturday nausea, Sunday headache, M,T,W,T,F, dread for what was coming on the weekend. n/t
Date: Jan 23 13:22
Author: Princess Pie
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