End of Year village!!Snews.....

2008 end of year Latest villageNews!!
----------------------------------------------

*Packed Stan!! fires Nathan his Security Advisor
,
after seeing Bootleg shipment intercepted by theVPSO

*Analysts suggest Chrysler can’t turn around company,
but boy, you should see even an 100lb female VPSO in theVillage
turn around a 2 ton car bringing in a shipment of alcohol!!

*theFox!! bidness: Adult entertainmentIndustry seeks bailOut,
after first a PullOut, followed by JerkOff, then a BlowOut!!

*villageSideKick: sensed samLee out in theWoods,
moments before thePartyBust and booze confiscation!!

*and now this advertisement
earn up to $40 towards helping pay for room rent in a small home
or to buy your first 5th to start your own bootLegging biz while serving your country!!
Use Amy!!, there’s Amy, then there’s AmyStrong
endAdvert

*Cold, Wild, Fired!! forced evacuation of hundreds......
from theVillages!! to theCities,
but then again, this has been cycling now for pretty much all of AK’s statehood anyway,
people move from and back to theVillage!!, people move from and back to theCity!!


*and now this important massage!!

MaleWorks, your Massage On target,
Ladies, just sign up for your session with theMan from Seattle and he’ll use your lipstick to paint a target on you,

Just relax and enjoy your massage!!
freeTrial!!, or maybe it will cost taxpayers,
I don’t really know, I’ve never been to court in the first place!!
end advertisement

*villageWoman!! raises a Vets Morale (and his lil’ HelmetedWarrior!!) with a pinned up calendar,
now if she’d only tack on some clothes for the duration of her custody, oh...
and stand up straight too, instead of passing out spread eagled....... sheeesh!!


*villagePolice!!, man and woman trapped in bathtubs in separate incidents
,
while one Officer occasionally showers and huddles in theCorner crying for hours!!
d:oP

*and now this village!! message,
1 flat Stomach rule, “Obey”

see how theVillage!!officer was able to still put on his pants even after 1 week of binge eating poptarts & pop by following this 1 old rule,

“suck it in!!”
it’s that simple, Now button Up!!

end advertisment

*villageWhirled!! / villageWorld
vpso transcripts indicate “mumblingGunman” not acting alone,

or at least, he keeps mumbling into his jacket lapel on every traffic stop as his DashCam’s redLight steadily
blinks on and off,

*and in other incidents around thevillage!!world,
theMumblingGunman was not acting alone (yet again)
when disposing of more villageSledDogs,


see, he had help AND plenty,
cos, lots of people tied up their SledDogs into large groups called SledDog Yards
and made it easy pickin’s for theOfficer(s) in question to pick and choose which fido
was bound for theVillageDump that day!!

*and speaking of Mumblings!!
in villageSpitting effort, VillageChixxx!! told to swallow gum,
a spate of sightings on villageOfficers reveal them much Older, more tired, with disheveled hair,
rumpled clothes and big happy grinz!!

*More Village!!Nudes,
“the Oh Really!? factor

Is Ann (cold) Shoulder hurting theSwervativeCause!?
she’s a polarIcing figure alright,

cos right after every drunkDriving traffic stop, she’s out theCar and undressing already!!
Pale NativeSkin ne’er hurt theEyes so much while looking so good!!

*theFox 911!!
how villageChick!! Kate could win an Oscar!!

she’ll either steal theHotDog from her son during theNext villageFeast!!
or else she’ll impress everyone in Booking with her Weep-Wipe theEyes-Shake theBareBoobs!! / WWESBB antics

My guess is her WWESBB!! cos it works for me, plus a Hug every now and then each day.

*villageEntertainment
10 Hottest Trannies!!

1. theBlack chevyNova from 2nd street, 60 days now without transmission fluid and you can smell theCar long before you can see it swerving and weaving down theVillageRoad fully stocked with sotted Occupants AND booze!!

(hint to jaded Readers of Sam!!, the next few picks for hottestTrannies are pretty much the same as pick Number 1)

2. theDodgeTruck from BackStreet!!, this model is larger than Life cos it comes complete with 5 boys!!
Whom sing and dance when dosed with PepperSpray, but of course, we’re now talking of their ride!!

If the boys spent on oil, lubes, filters and windex what they collectively drink each day, they’d have enough $ for their own trucks!!, Kudos to them though for making theVPSO’s job much easier,

Cos he just looks through his binoculars (at pitch black night) for the soft redGlow from UNDERNEATH thePickup as it drives theVillageRoad lightsOut!!

3. theGrayMynx hatchback parked just across theStreet!!,

and like it’s hatchback that’s always popped up high in the air for easy access to it’s backSeat and backSpace contents,

theHotVillageChick!! that drives this vehicle ALSO has her back shirt lifted up high and her back space opened and ACCESSED frequently,

she’ll give birth to her 4th child in 3 months and yet, people are still rummaging around inside her now and then!! sheeesh,

but I digress, I’m ‘sposed to be discussing her car,

yes it’s small, long, cylindrical, kinda cute and a round front end, Kind of like that small long, cylindr...
*ahem*, vibrating... thing.

that I found in her purse one time searching her, but my point is, that car looks clean and sleek, like Her!!

But lift theHood (and theBackShirt!!) and it reveals a well worn, much accessed compartment,

Note that I did not say, much Maintainance or oiling and filtering and lubing of her engine and other stuffs in her compartment,

but just “Much Access” to, cos everything that can be hidden in that car is hidden in theEngine compartment and hidden in theBackSeat and backSpace area too, and NO engine, tranny or tire upkeep is done!!

One of these days that car, just like that small silver Cylindrical vibrating object in Her purse that hummed for a minute and then petered out!! (pardon thePun) IS going to Peter Out 200 miles from home!!

The VillageChick!! driving theSilver bullet will one day fizzle out and be cold, but her long neglected transmission will STILL be hotter than her Decades after sitting in theVillageJunkYard!!

4. hottest transmission pick number Four,
2 plus 2,

3 plus 1,

is a Quad!!
And hot tranny number 4 is just that, a Quad body!!

See, theCute villageChick!! that drives this hemiQuad powered truck has 4 of everything.
4 eyes, 4 boobs, 4 chins, 4 biceps, 4 triceps etc

Did I mention that she has 4 chins!! I have to use Ankle chains just for her Wrists,
But this villageChick!! is much different than all the rest I arrest & transport.

she’s stone sober and a working girl!!
it’s just that she’s so big, that her tranny and gear box wear out every 3 months just scootin’ her across theVillage!! at low speeds every day to work at the school,

One winters day I was walking around and was so cold that I walked up to her pickup and got down, crawled underneath her truck just to get warm!! and I fell asleep!!
d:oP


5. Hot tranny number five is a true keeper folks
,
She’s a stay at home mom, she bakes, she cleans, she watches hers ( and yours too if you pay her) kids and she never gets in trouble,

but where she’s pretty much the same as theCars and trucks I’m talkin’ ‘bout is, that she too runs on gasoline, kerosene, 5 weight oil and tranny fluid,

plus she smokes like a chimney and pretty much “transmits” / hence theTran monikor every move I make, every breath I take every thought I think to her friends family and the rest of theVillage!!

well....
she got in trouble once,

But at least she was Hair combed, Dressed!! and had already eaten before she went away to theHoldingCell to await transport to theCity!!

At least she didn’t ask me for something to eat, eventually!!, while in my custody.

6. nawwww,
I’m gettin’ bored. Let’s move on.

*villageEntertainment!!
vpsoBrad spits and calls ex’s Jenn & Ann “sweethearts”

we still think he’s jealous of them finding each other and not him!!

*villagePopTarts!!
pete Pops!! amber, then elizabeth, then pops kate and then.......

*sigh*

IRL outside theVillage!!, popTarts are celebrity and or else, pretty much anything female, sweet and cute.

It’s much the same thing INSIDE theVillage!! too, except that some drunkenMale ends up assaulting these females and “Popping” them tarts in the mouth in a bad way,

lets move on.

*villageStyle!!
Get barFly Rachaels sexy bloodstained dress for less!!
and she only paid $150 for shooters at the bar to get hers, plus totalling her $25K pickup and wracking up an $100K medical bill,

you can get your sexyDress just for only a case of beer and letting your friends total your Mouth from bitching at them all evening instead.

Now that’s a savings of $120K cos you’ll only need about $5 for dental work and minor cosmetic (mouth) surgery

*Get roadRage Mary’s customized denim jacket for less!!
and she only drove 2 hours at speeds of 80mph to 120mph before flying off (on a curb) into the wild blue yonder and into a stand of Poplars in theValley below,

total cost of that conondrum!! d:oP was her dad’s $60K Hummer3, and her 200K medical bill,

I’ll leave out the individual costs for theHalo she has to wear for the next 10yrs,
the Titanium pins throughout her legs and arms and Neck!! and the 6 1/2 mile wide 28mile long stretch of forest fire caused by theCrash!!

You can just get your own denim jacket, go out to the nearest tree and *smack* that garment a few times and scuff it up really good, then open a vein and bleed liberally upon it, let it soak up a few hours,
oh..

and vomit on it too!!
Then wear it out on the town with pride!! knowing that YOU PAID LESS for that jacket than Mary paid for hers.

*watch!!
theVPSO’s topVillageVids!!

-villagePet!! paradise, at theDump, but first, theSam!! has to “inject” your pet with Lead to put them to sleep!!

-ecoBeauty Tips & Tricks, how to use theEarth as WipeRag - SkinCleanser - Exfoliant - and Makeup!! shortly before theVPSO drives up to your parked vehicle with his DashCam “recording”

-healthy schoolLunches “forFree!!”, but first, become a villageTeachersAide and then, opt NOT to pay for your “own” lunches and yet,

pick and choose at whim from the plates of the kids you usher In and Out of theLodge every day for “their” lunch,

JUST keep your back turned to theOfficer quietly taking promo pics to turn over to theSchool & villageCouncil, (your wide Tatted, fatted back that your T-shirt Lifts easily Upon for just about every villageMan!!)

*villagerMike!! bakes LeanardHills estates pancakes!? Say it isn’t so!!

at least, that’s what mikes friends screamed and moaned about last night when they learned that Mike had been suddenly visited by theVPSO,

and in a rush to get rid of theBottled White wine, dumped it into left over pancake mix and popped it into theFrig!!

“what?!”, mike said.

“booze?!,
“Me!?, here in my house?!!”
he further huffed,

and Sam!! quietly, sullenly left.

*theBlackEyed P!!
(I dare anyone to read and speak this next one really really really FAST!!)

will pandering public popos be a problem or a prize!?

already out in theVillage!! they’re a pandemic, of preposterous proportions!!
even that 250lb fat ass Sam!! d:oP
(ehh.... you can repeat and repeat everything except for this line here, please!!)

what people cannot percieve is the pressure placed upon these public peons,
these prumulgators of proprietary prudence placed into privation and put upon with proportionate pain,

much so as to proceed and plod for weeks, months, years in place pretty much on probation themselves as rest of theVillagePublic around them!!

what panderance they publicly perform, what annoyance is hence percieved...
(wait, I already said “Perceived didnt I?!“
and what poopoo-ing away “from me!!” of each villager when genu-flecting,

of putting each public peon in his / her place, if not only in their pickled lil’ minds (and I’m talking about the villagers minds here, not mine!!)

and, uhm....
while rummaging around in a villageGarden one summer,
theSam!! also picked a peck of pickled peppers!!
d:oP

*village!!Opinion,
officers gut folds, finds new home....
...below duty belt!! Evicts a villageChixxx!! face and hands but she instead takes up residence in his back pocket and awaits payday!!

*villagerSteven’s MillerLite,
“let there be Dork!?”

“well. at least that’s whom it was that came into my house and dumped all my millerLite down the sink, that Dork sam!!” steven’s pines


* and more on the “Oh.. reaaaally!?” factor
,
which statement is pretty much uttered, muttered, and slurred by everyVillageChick!! in custody these days,

it’s like everyone’s reading and memorizing theSame transcript to recite when in contact with Sam!!

or else, everyone pretty much said stuff that really really can’t be repeated here, just yet, and so theSam!! just says Other stuff, over and over and over again, to make a point,

that, in his own way, the OhReally!? Factor did and does exist in his life and still, out there in theVillage!!
....yeah, Really!!

*villageHealth!!

...as if!!

*villageChixxx!!, Lasting longer and longer in bed!!
by drinking more and more and more each night and staying passed out longer and longer and longer,

*theSam!!
5 ways to stay SANE when your VillagePublicSafetyOfficerDirectorBoss is insane!!
Say, yesSir!!, yesSir!!, Yes Sir!!, yesSir and Yes!! sir!! no matter what he says, faxes or emails to you.

nuf sed!!

*Salmonella outbreak sickens hundreds,
and at AlaskaVillageTales,"theSam!!inVillage!!" outbreak reportedly sickens hundreds of thousands too!!

*AlaskaVillageTales!! blog,
is it good enough for me!?

why not?!

*detailed villageSafetyStudy,
big booties may be good for your health!!

see, all theVillageChixxx!! are following on queu what theSam!! is doing now adays,
in taking a Large sized “sledDog booty”, that foot garment made for a sledDogs foot which is fashioned from Nylon, Felt, maybe rubber and resembles a small 3” wide by 5” long pouch to place stuff in,

stuff like, those 3oz vodka shot bottles you add to coke or pepsi,
stuff like, a couple of potPipes and a few miligrams of brownMexican and an excstacy pill or two,
stuff like, a roll of $100 bills,

yep, Big Booties “may be” good for your health

d:o( -bummed-
-----------------------

I'm theSam!! and I'm still dazed and confused.

Happy New Year 2009
----

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Poop Moose Has Bottomed Out!!!

theSam!! vs YouTube!?

ELECTION DAY 2006