theMormonGod Answers Sam!!
Subject: Dear MormonGod!!
Date: Jan 18 22:32
Author: theSam!!
(this letter isn't to be confused with me attempting to address "theMormonGod" Elohim / Smell-O-Heem that has happened upon RFM/RecoveryFromMormonism from time to time and delivered some humorous discussions here and there, but, then again,
since theMomo's/theMormons!! really can't even comprehend their own religion and since the real MormonGod just might be you and or me or anyone!!-maybe I am attempting to contact "theMormonGod" of diatribe fame here on RFM)
*shrugs shoulders*
-----------------------
Dear MormonGod,
this last week at work has been great,
but there are a few of your people that I have run into from time to time just watching and praying,
Hoping!! that someone, Anyone!! might happen along and elicit some response from them that has them reciting Rote lds verbiage that-like theCrass t-Shirts that say "I can't, I'm mormon"-they too spout glibbly to me in store, "I don't, I'm mormon"
So what, o Smell-oh-Him!! did cause me to vex one or two of they believers?!
well.
I for one am making a poor but honest living being a Barista in a local shopping mall and I, from time to time, churn out some sample items of Coffee beverage or even do cut up Pastries and put such foodstuffs into tiny sample cups and into tiny sample trays and in theEyes of your Stainted followers dear sir, I do tempt theMasses and cause them to sin!!
More specifically, just like your door to door zombie mishies sir, I too go out amongst theShopping public and with my simple tray of goodies, I do walk up to various people and ask them, "Would you like to sample a WhiteChocolateMocha sir/Ma'am"
and I do this even for thePastries I sample out to the genPub/general public.
but one day earlier this week, is when I met one of thy brainwashed sistern,
I mean,
I should have noticed thePostum bottles in hand of all 3 people; theMom theSon and the small child but I was too busy thinking of what I'd sample out next once my Sample tray was empty
and I was also keeping quiet watch over at my Kiosk cashRegister too, If I'd see people standing there while I was gone, it meant I had customers!!
And when I asked thyPostumedPrimed follower if they'd like a sample of a Chai tea beverage, you woulda thought I'd eaten a few children of theirs or something equally as bad, like, withheld time and tithing funds or something,
cos in the next second or so, I noticed a childs t-shirt that, underneath theWindbreaker zipped partially open, read the words, "B" and "Y".....
but, dearMorgDog!!, you'll be happy to know that, even though Mom scowled darkly at me, a much darker shade of what DarkRoast that simmered in my small sample cups on my tray,
one of her saintlyScions!! was much more upbeat and happier than everyone else in that Offbeat, putOff group of evening shoppers and he chirped up these words to me, a formerLamanite of thine ohSmelloHim!!, theChildChipped-in!!, "we don't drink coffee".
And my practiced salesman self did respond to theYoung teen,
"then how about a small piece of banana nut bread?!" and I lowered theSample tray to his shorter heighth and he gazed in wonder at my 2 dozen cups of coffee and pastries samples,
but quick as a flash theMother hissed at her offspring and the troupe was gone and I continued my cavorting about "in Sin" amongst the rest of the mall shoppers that evening.
I tell ya' morgGod, i felt theSpirit real strong from them parents, whom gazed with judging eyes and gripped the shoulders of their kids tighter than theWardClerk grips each tithingEnvelope on fastSunday!!,
I mean, no BP/Bishop or SP/StakePresident could grip harder on anything except theRod!! after interviewing theLaurels or theMiaMaids for templeTrips!!,
but for them MorgBots, at least one, maybe two of them had the looks on their faces of, "oh... he's going to persecute and tempt us, lets repeat theMindless Mantras theSmothren/theLDS Brethren tell us in Excrement meeting!!"
it was just a small transaction ohGod!!, and please, hear these words from myMouth!!
that, in a much bigger sense, your false church is much the same!!
that only a few are members and they think that "millions" of others are members and their org is growing and growing and that everyone else respects their so called Christian beliefs,
and these small few brainwashed morg zombies think that they own thePatents on goodness and decency, and they think that they have all the answers and sadly, they don't.
oh Smog!!,
those 4 people that met me and did cause me to feel like I was offering them Liquor or drugs or some strange fetish did eventually leave me just like that, a smog that goes away and evaporates and is gone,
I looked around me that day and did see that others did partake of my pastry and coffee samples, and ya know what oh Load!! (of shit!!) that a few did stop by my coffee kiosk and did buy more drink and eats in quantity,
I bet your selfishness, your moneyHungry tendencies want to have some of that tender that was exchanged, a supply & demand, or customer and merchant transaction,
and don't tell me "No".
Because I have seen your stunted followers oh-Load!!(ofShit)
I have seen theMoneyhungry face of theMorg!!
and we all know oh mormonGod, that if HornyJoe/joeSmith was so leacherous and thirsty for money, that he got it from YOU!!
ehh.
You'll be happy to know that my own meager paycheck each week pays my apt rent and cell phone and that I eat from the rest,
Were I still under your spell of Morg Gawwwd!!, You'd want a piece of my paycheck and you'd want my spare time as well every night,
oh...
and one more thing MorgGod!!
Nice try yesterday when, in my rush to juggle items and utensils inKiosk while making Espresso drinks and whip up cold Icy frappacinos,
You made me drop a small Glass, a ShotGlass!! and it broke in half, clambored and clacked to theFloor and the rest of theGlass vaporized into pieces, spit against my face, into my ContacLensed eyes and in my mouth, in my hair and upon my shirt and against my GreenApron!!
I was scared a bit but the tiny pieces I pulled from my eye and lower eyelashes were theExtent of my Eye injuries dearSod!! You can't scare me into repentance one iota goddamn it, or... YOU!! d:oP
I just cleaned up my work station, threw away all towels I wiped up with, shook out my apron and swept up and then, was back in business in 10mins Ehgadd!!
I know that in years past of mormonDumb and following & pandering to theProfit!!, that any mishap and mistake was theResult of Satin!!, the soft velvety cloth,
or, that perhaps "Stan!!", you know, my older brotherSatan!! had a hand in any precarious and preventable episode meted out upon theSaints and thus Stan was labeled as theFallGuy!! whom doled out "persecution" in all shapes and sizes to theStains!!, ehr..
theStains being theFollowers of Rice!!,
you know, your son!! Cheese and Rice
so smell-oh-Him!!, nice try in attempting to get me to "come to my senses", with sending those happyMorons my way while I was Sampling out my Wares in theMall and from knocking my shot glass from my hand after wards,
you know you really "are a vengeful and jealous dog" if that's how you truly treat people,
I remain far far from thyCult,
I remain far from you!!
and do see life for what it is that happens and do learn and grow without You, your Son, or any of your fucked up Puppets (profits / prophets) dear sir,
lovs,
theSam!!
SLFlyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
templeCode name "Abel!!", but then again MormonGod,
you knew that already didn't you?!,
d:oP
-------------------------------------------
Subject: Topped for theSam!! n/t
Date: Jan 20 23:38
Author: Toppering
Subject: Please hold for a call from Mormon God...
Date: Jan 21 15:01
Author: Mormon God
Blessed art thou theSam!! to call upon the One True God™. I wouldst then now answer thine epistle, but yea verily, thou hast not asked a question of Me, but rather thou hast chosen to kick against the pricks, yea verily even against Me and Mine chosen prophet, Little Tommy Monson.
theSam!! beneath thine anger and sloth I hear a little voice crying out in the wilderness saying "Help! Mormon God, help me!" Peace unto thee for I hath heard thine prayers. Hear Me oh theSam!! for what thou needst is a good old fashioned ass-lifting. In that spirit I command you: Stop peddling evil substances to mine anointed servants for behold they do shrink before thine caffeinatedness, thine pastried enticements, and thine unfairskinnedness! Repent oh wayward barista!
As penance for your heinous and wretched sins, I command you to sell all your possessions, give the resulting money to Mine Church, and move to Provo UT. There you are commanded to become the personal bitch of mine servant even Daniel C. Peterson defender of all Mormondom who is personal bitch to all living Apostles and Prophets (even though they can't remember his name). Your official calling will be "Bitch to the Bitch of the Brethren".
For every act of obedience is a blessing attached. If thou wilt be faithful to every jot and tittle of Mine commandments I will grant the great desire of your heart to become delightsome and to appear even as thy Hebrew forefather Lehi (please note that I am throwing in a bigger nose and increased facial hair at no extra charge).
When you get that far, theSam!! drop me a line. Until then I am a little busy with this Son of Cain who just took office (another screw up in the Kolobian Dept. of Human Resources - hey it's not me, just my servants are imperfect).
Peace out,
Mormon God
Subject: Re: Please hold for a call from Mormon God...
Date: Jan 22 19:41
Author: anonymous
Brilliant! Phenomenal! Devastating!
Subject: theTippyTop!! for theSam!!
Date: Jan 22 01:03
Author: Mormon God
Got yur ears on good buddy?
Subject: Awesome, thanks for the laughs ...
Date: Jan 22 01:46
Author: Guatemango Verde
Sorry to hear you had a somewhat shitty day at work, but then again most days of work are, by the very nature of work, shitty. I find myself needing to constantly remind myself that when things go wrong, it's not actually Satan and I'm not actually being punished for my rebellion and non-belief. So many times my gut reaction is to think gAWD is out to get me, then I remind myself that maybe it's actually the easterbunny, and then I remind myself that sometimes things just don't go right.
Subject: LOL!!
Date: Jan 22 01:55
Author: theSam!!
wow, and theMormonDog answered my prayers faster than theOther one ever did!!
Thanks mormonGod!!
erhh..
don't blame me for theWhiteHouse debacle / cabal!!
I voted for that "Eve" from Alaska and her geriatric Adam!!
lovs,
theSam!!
Subject: Reading your writing is like reading Allen Ginsburg. Only, in some ways, much more meaningful.
Date: Jan 22 10:03
Author: anon
And that's a compliment. A big one!
Don't stop writing. I think you should publish these posts you write, as poetry.
I'm serious.
Subject: I would like a sample, please. ;) nt
Date: Jan 22 22:01
Author: Adult of god
Subject: theSam!! I think your best stuff is written . . .
Date: Jan 22 23:07
Author: JackMormon'sWife
During the cold, dark, Alaskan winter months. That freezing snow and ice is good for something!
lovs,
Shannon
Subject: theSam!! you ROCK. 8^D n/t
Date: Jan 23 00:15
Author: flattopSF
Date: Jan 18 22:32
Author: theSam!!
(this letter isn't to be confused with me attempting to address "theMormonGod" Elohim / Smell-O-Heem that has happened upon RFM/RecoveryFromMormonism from time to time and delivered some humorous discussions here and there, but, then again,
since theMomo's/theMormons!! really can't even comprehend their own religion and since the real MormonGod just might be you and or me or anyone!!-maybe I am attempting to contact "theMormonGod" of diatribe fame here on RFM)
*shrugs shoulders*
-----------------------
Dear MormonGod,
this last week at work has been great,
but there are a few of your people that I have run into from time to time just watching and praying,
Hoping!! that someone, Anyone!! might happen along and elicit some response from them that has them reciting Rote lds verbiage that-like theCrass t-Shirts that say "I can't, I'm mormon"-they too spout glibbly to me in store, "I don't, I'm mormon"
So what, o Smell-oh-Him!! did cause me to vex one or two of they believers?!
well.
I for one am making a poor but honest living being a Barista in a local shopping mall and I, from time to time, churn out some sample items of Coffee beverage or even do cut up Pastries and put such foodstuffs into tiny sample cups and into tiny sample trays and in theEyes of your Stainted followers dear sir, I do tempt theMasses and cause them to sin!!
More specifically, just like your door to door zombie mishies sir, I too go out amongst theShopping public and with my simple tray of goodies, I do walk up to various people and ask them, "Would you like to sample a WhiteChocolateMocha sir/Ma'am"
and I do this even for thePastries I sample out to the genPub/general public.
but one day earlier this week, is when I met one of thy brainwashed sistern,
I mean,
I should have noticed thePostum bottles in hand of all 3 people; theMom theSon and the small child but I was too busy thinking of what I'd sample out next once my Sample tray was empty
and I was also keeping quiet watch over at my Kiosk cashRegister too, If I'd see people standing there while I was gone, it meant I had customers!!
And when I asked thyPostumedPrimed follower if they'd like a sample of a Chai tea beverage, you woulda thought I'd eaten a few children of theirs or something equally as bad, like, withheld time and tithing funds or something,
cos in the next second or so, I noticed a childs t-shirt that, underneath theWindbreaker zipped partially open, read the words, "B" and "Y".....
but, dearMorgDog!!, you'll be happy to know that, even though Mom scowled darkly at me, a much darker shade of what DarkRoast that simmered in my small sample cups on my tray,
one of her saintlyScions!! was much more upbeat and happier than everyone else in that Offbeat, putOff group of evening shoppers and he chirped up these words to me, a formerLamanite of thine ohSmelloHim!!, theChildChipped-in!!, "we don't drink coffee".
And my practiced salesman self did respond to theYoung teen,
"then how about a small piece of banana nut bread?!" and I lowered theSample tray to his shorter heighth and he gazed in wonder at my 2 dozen cups of coffee and pastries samples,
but quick as a flash theMother hissed at her offspring and the troupe was gone and I continued my cavorting about "in Sin" amongst the rest of the mall shoppers that evening.
I tell ya' morgGod, i felt theSpirit real strong from them parents, whom gazed with judging eyes and gripped the shoulders of their kids tighter than theWardClerk grips each tithingEnvelope on fastSunday!!,
I mean, no BP/Bishop or SP/StakePresident could grip harder on anything except theRod!! after interviewing theLaurels or theMiaMaids for templeTrips!!,
but for them MorgBots, at least one, maybe two of them had the looks on their faces of, "oh... he's going to persecute and tempt us, lets repeat theMindless Mantras theSmothren/theLDS Brethren tell us in Excrement meeting!!"
it was just a small transaction ohGod!!, and please, hear these words from myMouth!!
that, in a much bigger sense, your false church is much the same!!
that only a few are members and they think that "millions" of others are members and their org is growing and growing and that everyone else respects their so called Christian beliefs,
and these small few brainwashed morg zombies think that they own thePatents on goodness and decency, and they think that they have all the answers and sadly, they don't.
oh Smog!!,
those 4 people that met me and did cause me to feel like I was offering them Liquor or drugs or some strange fetish did eventually leave me just like that, a smog that goes away and evaporates and is gone,
I looked around me that day and did see that others did partake of my pastry and coffee samples, and ya know what oh Load!! (of shit!!) that a few did stop by my coffee kiosk and did buy more drink and eats in quantity,
I bet your selfishness, your moneyHungry tendencies want to have some of that tender that was exchanged, a supply & demand, or customer and merchant transaction,
and don't tell me "No".
Because I have seen your stunted followers oh-Load!!(ofShit)
I have seen theMoneyhungry face of theMorg!!
and we all know oh mormonGod, that if HornyJoe/joeSmith was so leacherous and thirsty for money, that he got it from YOU!!
ehh.
You'll be happy to know that my own meager paycheck each week pays my apt rent and cell phone and that I eat from the rest,
Were I still under your spell of Morg Gawwwd!!, You'd want a piece of my paycheck and you'd want my spare time as well every night,
oh...
and one more thing MorgGod!!
Nice try yesterday when, in my rush to juggle items and utensils inKiosk while making Espresso drinks and whip up cold Icy frappacinos,
You made me drop a small Glass, a ShotGlass!! and it broke in half, clambored and clacked to theFloor and the rest of theGlass vaporized into pieces, spit against my face, into my ContacLensed eyes and in my mouth, in my hair and upon my shirt and against my GreenApron!!
I was scared a bit but the tiny pieces I pulled from my eye and lower eyelashes were theExtent of my Eye injuries dearSod!! You can't scare me into repentance one iota goddamn it, or... YOU!! d:oP
I just cleaned up my work station, threw away all towels I wiped up with, shook out my apron and swept up and then, was back in business in 10mins Ehgadd!!
I know that in years past of mormonDumb and following & pandering to theProfit!!, that any mishap and mistake was theResult of Satin!!, the soft velvety cloth,
or, that perhaps "Stan!!", you know, my older brotherSatan!! had a hand in any precarious and preventable episode meted out upon theSaints and thus Stan was labeled as theFallGuy!! whom doled out "persecution" in all shapes and sizes to theStains!!, ehr..
theStains being theFollowers of Rice!!,
you know, your son!! Cheese and Rice
so smell-oh-Him!!, nice try in attempting to get me to "come to my senses", with sending those happyMorons my way while I was Sampling out my Wares in theMall and from knocking my shot glass from my hand after wards,
you know you really "are a vengeful and jealous dog" if that's how you truly treat people,
I remain far far from thyCult,
I remain far from you!!
and do see life for what it is that happens and do learn and grow without You, your Son, or any of your fucked up Puppets (profits / prophets) dear sir,
lovs,
theSam!!
SLFlyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
templeCode name "Abel!!", but then again MormonGod,
you knew that already didn't you?!,
d:oP
-------------------------------------------
Subject: Topped for theSam!! n/t
Date: Jan 20 23:38
Author: Toppering
Subject: Please hold for a call from Mormon God...
Date: Jan 21 15:01
Author: Mormon God
Blessed art thou theSam!! to call upon the One True God™. I wouldst then now answer thine epistle, but yea verily, thou hast not asked a question of Me, but rather thou hast chosen to kick against the pricks, yea verily even against Me and Mine chosen prophet, Little Tommy Monson.
theSam!! beneath thine anger and sloth I hear a little voice crying out in the wilderness saying "Help! Mormon God, help me!" Peace unto thee for I hath heard thine prayers. Hear Me oh theSam!! for what thou needst is a good old fashioned ass-lifting. In that spirit I command you: Stop peddling evil substances to mine anointed servants for behold they do shrink before thine caffeinatedness, thine pastried enticements, and thine unfairskinnedness! Repent oh wayward barista!
As penance for your heinous and wretched sins, I command you to sell all your possessions, give the resulting money to Mine Church, and move to Provo UT. There you are commanded to become the personal bitch of mine servant even Daniel C. Peterson defender of all Mormondom who is personal bitch to all living Apostles and Prophets (even though they can't remember his name). Your official calling will be "Bitch to the Bitch of the Brethren".
For every act of obedience is a blessing attached. If thou wilt be faithful to every jot and tittle of Mine commandments I will grant the great desire of your heart to become delightsome and to appear even as thy Hebrew forefather Lehi (please note that I am throwing in a bigger nose and increased facial hair at no extra charge).
When you get that far, theSam!! drop me a line. Until then I am a little busy with this Son of Cain who just took office (another screw up in the Kolobian Dept. of Human Resources - hey it's not me, just my servants are imperfect).
Peace out,
Mormon God
Subject: Re: Please hold for a call from Mormon God...
Date: Jan 22 19:41
Author: anonymous
Brilliant! Phenomenal! Devastating!
Subject: theTippyTop!! for theSam!!
Date: Jan 22 01:03
Author: Mormon God
Got yur ears on good buddy?
Subject: Awesome, thanks for the laughs ...
Date: Jan 22 01:46
Author: Guatemango Verde
Sorry to hear you had a somewhat shitty day at work, but then again most days of work are, by the very nature of work, shitty. I find myself needing to constantly remind myself that when things go wrong, it's not actually Satan and I'm not actually being punished for my rebellion and non-belief. So many times my gut reaction is to think gAWD is out to get me, then I remind myself that maybe it's actually the easterbunny, and then I remind myself that sometimes things just don't go right.
Subject: LOL!!
Date: Jan 22 01:55
Author: theSam!!
wow, and theMormonDog answered my prayers faster than theOther one ever did!!
Thanks mormonGod!!
erhh..
don't blame me for theWhiteHouse debacle / cabal!!
I voted for that "Eve" from Alaska and her geriatric Adam!!
lovs,
theSam!!
Subject: Reading your writing is like reading Allen Ginsburg. Only, in some ways, much more meaningful.
Date: Jan 22 10:03
Author: anon
And that's a compliment. A big one!
Don't stop writing. I think you should publish these posts you write, as poetry.
I'm serious.
Subject: I would like a sample, please. ;) nt
Date: Jan 22 22:01
Author: Adult of god
Subject: theSam!! I think your best stuff is written . . .
Date: Jan 22 23:07
Author: JackMormon'sWife
During the cold, dark, Alaskan winter months. That freezing snow and ice is good for something!
lovs,
Shannon
Subject: theSam!! you ROCK. 8^D n/t
Date: Jan 23 00:15
Author: flattopSF
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