Summer 2009 Reservations
BaristaSam!! @ theJavaJunction!! / BS!!@tJJ!!
Now taking reservations for theLocal Summer2009 Fishing & Camping Season.
( or at least, answering thePhones for a localVendor 2 days a week ALL summer long )
Please READ carefully before making ANY selections appropriate to you for your stay here with us, REMEMBER you can't do Everything!!, but like our villageChixxx!! You can do Everyone!!
-----
-Date: (please Pick One!!)
__lateMay, and for your sakes, let's hope she's NOT late!!
__June, she's available but she doesn't sleep much due to theShortNights and endless days
__July, due to fire hazards in the wilderness adjacent to us,
we will be banning all fireworks use in our CampGrounds,
however, feel free to sneak next door (where our competition dwells) and lightEm up over there!!
For an extra $10 fee (July Only) we'll let ya' know when dept of dfense satellites zoom overhead, that way, all you heavyHitters with your mortars, rockets, sam's and fission bombs can play in peace!!,
uh, just don't be wakin' Sam!! up
__endAugust!! (cos theSam!! turns 42 and will be hungOver first part of Aug)
or __Sep
-Name: (please call theSam!! only less than 7 ok?!)
__heyYou!!
__deadBeat!! (but only if you're a Solicitor calling for Sam!!, or an oldGirlFriend who's not a Parent!!) d:oP
due to theSensitiveNature of theSam!!, you'll have to drop your own F-bombs, SOB's and whatNot here:
__ya' dumb@$$
__$h/tforBr@!n$
________ etc
-Phone: (include if you'd like to be texted, Phoned, sentPictures of FriedBread & other FoodPron from Sam!!)
__Sam!!'s fave villageChick!!, and if you list her #, you stay FREE all summer
Do You have an:
__iFon,
__miFon
__yorFon
__a MotorRazor and you "CUT" yourself with it, making a DialPad outLine on your arms and hands!? If so then we have quite a few girls we'd like for you to meet!!
-Reservation Date: (specify if you want yourLakotaSam!! to be drunk or half sober!!)
__If you have a Rez, does it disown you like theSam!!'s did to him?!
For as long as theValley grass shall bong!! and theAlcohol shall flow!!
__dinner for 2 at tresVillageChick!! erh... just Impress TWO hottie locals enough for them to invite YOU to eat with them.
__a bunk for theNight!! at theLocal holding cell, Include if your ProbationsOfficer / VPSO Sam!! / or theStateTroops will be flying you IN and out of theVillage!!
Note:
__If you'd like to be beaten would you like your friends to beat you up first so that you can accuse Sam!! later on of doing that to you!?
__Or do you just want to accidently "FALL" down the stairs while inCustody?! (btw, theVillage!! has no stairs)
-Camping:
Guys, specify how big your tentSize is!!
__big and smelly as a Pol!!
__KingSalmon sized!!
__bigger 'n Sam!! d:o(
and girls, specify how soft & cuddly your SleepingBag is!! d:oP
__sleeps theWholeVillage!! + Sam!!
__will accomodate a fleet of 20' flatBottomed riverBoats + Sam!!'s stupid patrolBoat!!
__only accessible for no less than $5K a month and for 18yrs (x 2 or 3) should any little surprises ever end up coming Out of that sleepingBag after use!!
__as old & musty as Sam!!'s sleeping bag, urine stained, soaked in alcohol and filled with loose Socks and a few pair of sweatBottoms!!
(wait... that IS Sam!!'s lil' blackSleepingBag!!, my bad)
Will you be renting from us?!__Yes __No __Fock!!NO
__an 3 Pole economy SkeeterNet tent with gaping holes!!
this model was formerly owned by an stupidVillagePublicSafetyGuy that was run out of his village!!
__an 2 Pole super absorbant tent,
these tents are so absorbant, they'll soak up feces and yet, they're so light and airy, You can stuff 2 of these girls into 1 cup!!
this is a phenominal tent to Watch let alone use, in fact, we rent it to you and videotape YOUR reaction to it!! d:oP
__an economy Swedish foldOut sleeper deluxe with everything, whom DOES everything!! and she folds right up into her own microMesh carryThong!!
We have several of these popular brands. They Cook, they Clean, they do everything except cook, clean and pick up after Sam!! d:o(
__an pair of Pols, both on expired workVisa's and needing quickCash home!!, both of them Gape!! and if you feed them enough gin & vodka they'll pass out leaning together, thus creating a "Lean-To" shelter for you from theRain!! d:oP
We Also do cabinRentals if you'd like to keep 4 walls between you and theBlackBears & those GapingPols!!
or from Sam!! we hear he likes to sneakCampers food just to keep his woodlandStalking skills sharp!!
__-Cabin 1: the Theme for this cabin is "Deep In theHeart of Texas" and we exclusively rent it out to Okies and texans.
All 4 walls sport Trophy mooseRacks!! and touchable VillageChixxx!! racks are standingBy for your hat hanging and banging pleasure!!
__-Cabin 2: theTheme for this cabin is "gone with theMatanuskaWind!!"
It's easy to find within our camp grounds, it's just that black, burnt square Outline in the dirt over yonder,
It's been that way for decades, but, if you light up our "Incense" and breathe deep for awhile.
You too can loudly exclaim, that "you don't give a damn" as you rest and repose on your own stair way to haven as "Dorothy", our camp attendant, and hordes of her lil' flyingMonkey buddies (theMosquitos) taunt you for the remainder of your stay with us!!
and if msDorothy!! is out (along with her skeetaBuddies) we've got you covered!!
We'll send a VillageChick!! (along with her lil' hord of Kidz) your way,
we'll just tell her you used to be a formerVPSO whom was a pushover for Kidz w/Cute ChickMama's!!
__-Cabin 3: an Oasis!!
This model has power & running water. It has full kitchen and 2 1/2 baths, a nice rounded deck and is above ground on stilts with 4 atv's parked underneath and 2 vehicles for you to use!!
And to add to theRustic experience of your stay with us there's even a 20house SledDog yard out back!!
Our meager security deposit of $125K plus another $50K as downpayment will net you use of this MostPopular cabin!!.......uh. We'll get to the BackTaxes subject later.
__-BrokeDownTruck:
you can sleep in Sam!!'s old pickup, it's this husk of a Shell that used to be a pickup!!,
Kinda like theSam!! him and his stupid pickup are former shells of themselves,
theFormer!! having a head hard as theFiberGlass camper shell on his truck and eyes like flint!! Mehh... at least until he switched from Semi-Rigid contactLenses to SofLenses, but then again, later on he took up Drinking and, well. His eyes became.....
as for theLatter!! let's just say that a relative borrowed theNissan and lit a cigarette inside and *POOF!!* it went up like a romanCandle!!
__-Under theTrampoline!!:
most renters of our campGrounds like this option, but only if there's a few cuteVillageChixxx!! that will be "jumpingAround!!" on the trampoline later. Especially theWellEndowedOnes!!, or ones that get really drunk and then shed clothesFirst before sheddingInhibitions!!
Of course, if you get stuck with some "Tweens" using theTrampoline, you'll be annoyed as theGirls (and sometimes big brother Sam!!) watch DVD showings of annaMontona concerts and the ever popular "villageBratz!!" series late late into the night while you sleep on the ground under them!!
and of course, if you get stuck with sleeping next to a house that takes in a lot of VillageChildren!!, don't say that we didn't warn you.
__-SELF Guided WildernessTrip!!:
if you choose this activity. We'll put theRifle in your hands only AFTER you've left village!! boundaries, then we'll tell you where we've hid theShells!! (and theBooze!!)
You have your lunch choice of our Signature SalmonSaladSammich!! personally made by chefSam!! and with your choice of TatorSalad!!, pickles and a whole cheeseCake!!
or you can just shoot your own supper (if you find your shells)
your backPack includes: InsectRepellant (halfUsed),a recent issue of TIME magazine, 4bottled waters and a bottle of Bubbly!! Cos Sam!! figures that, with theBottleOfBubbly, if you're happy and you know it, then what the hell.
What else matters?!
__-
-Payment:
__Sam!!'s Visa
__Sam!!'s MasterCard
__theSam!!'s First Born
__Sam!!'s Arm & a chickenLeg from theVillageDeli!!
Amount_________
-Notes!!:
d;o)
Now taking reservations for theLocal Summer2009 Fishing & Camping Season.
( or at least, answering thePhones for a localVendor 2 days a week ALL summer long )
Please READ carefully before making ANY selections appropriate to you for your stay here with us, REMEMBER you can't do Everything!!, but like our villageChixxx!! You can do Everyone!!
-----
-Date: (please Pick One!!)
__lateMay, and for your sakes, let's hope she's NOT late!!
__June, she's available but she doesn't sleep much due to theShortNights and endless days
__July, due to fire hazards in the wilderness adjacent to us,
we will be banning all fireworks use in our CampGrounds,
however, feel free to sneak next door (where our competition dwells) and lightEm up over there!!
For an extra $10 fee (July Only) we'll let ya' know when dept of dfense satellites zoom overhead, that way, all you heavyHitters with your mortars, rockets, sam's and fission bombs can play in peace!!,
uh, just don't be wakin' Sam!! up
__endAugust!! (cos theSam!! turns 42 and will be hungOver first part of Aug)
or __Sep
-Name: (please call theSam!! only less than 7 ok?!)
__heyYou!!
__deadBeat!! (but only if you're a Solicitor calling for Sam!!, or an oldGirlFriend who's not a Parent!!) d:oP
due to theSensitiveNature of theSam!!, you'll have to drop your own F-bombs, SOB's and whatNot here:
__ya' dumb@$$
__$h/tforBr@!n$
________ etc
-Phone: (include if you'd like to be texted, Phoned, sentPictures of FriedBread & other FoodPron from Sam!!)
__Sam!!'s fave villageChick!!, and if you list her #, you stay FREE all summer
Do You have an:
__iFon,
__miFon
__yorFon
__a MotorRazor and you "CUT" yourself with it, making a DialPad outLine on your arms and hands!? If so then we have quite a few girls we'd like for you to meet!!
-Reservation Date: (specify if you want yourLakotaSam!! to be drunk or half sober!!)
__If you have a Rez, does it disown you like theSam!!'s did to him?!
For as long as theValley grass shall bong!! and theAlcohol shall flow!!
__dinner for 2 at tresVillageChick!! erh... just Impress TWO hottie locals enough for them to invite YOU to eat with them.
__a bunk for theNight!! at theLocal holding cell, Include if your ProbationsOfficer / VPSO Sam!! / or theStateTroops will be flying you IN and out of theVillage!!
Note:
__If you'd like to be beaten would you like your friends to beat you up first so that you can accuse Sam!! later on of doing that to you!?
__Or do you just want to accidently "FALL" down the stairs while inCustody?! (btw, theVillage!! has no stairs)
-Camping:
Guys, specify how big your tentSize is!!
__big and smelly as a Pol!!
__KingSalmon sized!!
__bigger 'n Sam!! d:o(
and girls, specify how soft & cuddly your SleepingBag is!! d:oP
__sleeps theWholeVillage!! + Sam!!
__will accomodate a fleet of 20' flatBottomed riverBoats + Sam!!'s stupid patrolBoat!!
__only accessible for no less than $5K a month and for 18yrs (x 2 or 3) should any little surprises ever end up coming Out of that sleepingBag after use!!
__as old & musty as Sam!!'s sleeping bag, urine stained, soaked in alcohol and filled with loose Socks and a few pair of sweatBottoms!!
(wait... that IS Sam!!'s lil' blackSleepingBag!!, my bad)
Will you be renting from us?!__Yes __No __Fock!!NO
__an 3 Pole economy SkeeterNet tent with gaping holes!!
this model was formerly owned by an stupidVillagePublicSafetyGuy that was run out of his village!!
__an 2 Pole super absorbant tent,
these tents are so absorbant, they'll soak up feces and yet, they're so light and airy, You can stuff 2 of these girls into 1 cup!!
this is a phenominal tent to Watch let alone use, in fact, we rent it to you and videotape YOUR reaction to it!! d:oP
__an economy Swedish foldOut sleeper deluxe with everything, whom DOES everything!! and she folds right up into her own microMesh carryThong!!
We have several of these popular brands. They Cook, they Clean, they do everything except cook, clean and pick up after Sam!! d:o(
__an pair of Pols, both on expired workVisa's and needing quickCash home!!, both of them Gape!! and if you feed them enough gin & vodka they'll pass out leaning together, thus creating a "Lean-To" shelter for you from theRain!! d:oP
We Also do cabinRentals if you'd like to keep 4 walls between you and theBlackBears & those GapingPols!!
or from Sam!! we hear he likes to sneakCampers food just to keep his woodlandStalking skills sharp!!
__-Cabin 1: the Theme for this cabin is "Deep In theHeart of Texas" and we exclusively rent it out to Okies and texans.
All 4 walls sport Trophy mooseRacks!! and touchable VillageChixxx!! racks are standingBy for your hat hanging and banging pleasure!!
__-Cabin 2: theTheme for this cabin is "gone with theMatanuskaWind!!"
It's easy to find within our camp grounds, it's just that black, burnt square Outline in the dirt over yonder,
It's been that way for decades, but, if you light up our "Incense" and breathe deep for awhile.
You too can loudly exclaim, that "you don't give a damn" as you rest and repose on your own stair way to haven as "Dorothy", our camp attendant, and hordes of her lil' flyingMonkey buddies (theMosquitos) taunt you for the remainder of your stay with us!!
and if msDorothy!! is out (along with her skeetaBuddies) we've got you covered!!
We'll send a VillageChick!! (along with her lil' hord of Kidz) your way,
we'll just tell her you used to be a formerVPSO whom was a pushover for Kidz w/Cute ChickMama's!!
__-Cabin 3: an Oasis!!
This model has power & running water. It has full kitchen and 2 1/2 baths, a nice rounded deck and is above ground on stilts with 4 atv's parked underneath and 2 vehicles for you to use!!
And to add to theRustic experience of your stay with us there's even a 20house SledDog yard out back!!
Our meager security deposit of $125K plus another $50K as downpayment will net you use of this MostPopular cabin!!.......uh. We'll get to the BackTaxes subject later.
__-BrokeDownTruck:
you can sleep in Sam!!'s old pickup, it's this husk of a Shell that used to be a pickup!!,
Kinda like theSam!! him and his stupid pickup are former shells of themselves,
theFormer!! having a head hard as theFiberGlass camper shell on his truck and eyes like flint!! Mehh... at least until he switched from Semi-Rigid contactLenses to SofLenses, but then again, later on he took up Drinking and, well. His eyes became.....
as for theLatter!! let's just say that a relative borrowed theNissan and lit a cigarette inside and *POOF!!* it went up like a romanCandle!!
__-Under theTrampoline!!:
most renters of our campGrounds like this option, but only if there's a few cuteVillageChixxx!! that will be "jumpingAround!!" on the trampoline later. Especially theWellEndowedOnes!!, or ones that get really drunk and then shed clothesFirst before sheddingInhibitions!!
Of course, if you get stuck with some "Tweens" using theTrampoline, you'll be annoyed as theGirls (and sometimes big brother Sam!!) watch DVD showings of annaMontona concerts and the ever popular "villageBratz!!" series late late into the night while you sleep on the ground under them!!
and of course, if you get stuck with sleeping next to a house that takes in a lot of VillageChildren!!, don't say that we didn't warn you.
__-SELF Guided WildernessTrip!!:
if you choose this activity. We'll put theRifle in your hands only AFTER you've left village!! boundaries, then we'll tell you where we've hid theShells!! (and theBooze!!)
You have your lunch choice of our Signature SalmonSaladSammich!! personally made by chefSam!! and with your choice of TatorSalad!!, pickles and a whole cheeseCake!!
or you can just shoot your own supper (if you find your shells)
your backPack includes: InsectRepellant (halfUsed),a recent issue of TIME magazine, 4bottled waters and a bottle of Bubbly!! Cos Sam!! figures that, with theBottleOfBubbly, if you're happy and you know it, then what the hell.
What else matters?!
__-
-Payment:
__Sam!!'s Visa
__Sam!!'s MasterCard
__theSam!!'s First Born
__Sam!!'s Arm & a chickenLeg from theVillageDeli!!
Amount_________
-Notes!!:
d;o)
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