theSam!! takes on theAnchorageDailyNews!!
theSam!! Writes For The ADN!!
You should read this story from ADN's site, and see all theComments!! after, there's pages of 'em.
Some comments are hilarious, and mostly poking fun at the way ADN writes things (as usual) and makes things sound,
like, in this article, an actual pickup struck a woman whom was exiting a grocery store!!
Here's the actual article cut and pasted-ed-eded by theSam!!
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Pickup strikes woman exiting grocery store
Anchorage Daily News
Published: June 19th, 2009 09:29 PM
Last Modified: June 19th, 2009 09:29 PM
An 81-year-old Anchorage woman was critically injured Friday morning when a pickup struck her car as she was exiting the Carr's grocery store in Muldoon.
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After the 9:45 a.m. accident, police closed southbound traffic on Muldoon Road at Northern Lights for several hours.
The accident victim, Freda Jensen, remained in surgery on Friday afternoon, and at that point, police had not determined who caused the collision, said Marlene Lammers, an Anchorage Police spokesman.
A pickup traveling southbound on Muldoon, driven by Albert Wrobel, 75, struck Jensen's car in the driver-side door while she was exiting from the east entrance of the Carr's parking lot, police said.
Jensen had to be extricated through her passenger door, according to police.
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Now theSam!!'s gonna work on it, hold on please.
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A pickup truck struck an Elderly woman while exiting a grocer store today.
an 18yr old Anchorage man was critical and injured when a pickup truck struck her... uh, HIM!! as he was exiting the Carrs grocer store in a Muldoon!!
After the 0945hrs am accident, the police
tehAccident!! victehm, Fred J, remained sugary till friday afternoon, and then pointed at police, whom couldn't determine who caused the contusion, said Marly Lam, an Anchorage popo!!.
While picking up travelers, southbound in a Muldoon, driver Albert, going 75, struck Fred J's car and driver then exited the east entrance of the Carr's parking lot, tehPopo!! said
Fred J exterminated the passenger door accordioned with police!!
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here's theSam!!'s version of theStoreh!! from aBarista!! point of view......
It was close to 1000hrs,
I was standing by theCoffeeKioskCashRegister awaiting theNext customer in line to order their drink when I saw a pickup Exit the automated store doors
(as our NorthWayMall store doors are not 10 feet away from theCoffeeKiosk!!)
Shortly there after, I saw an elderlyAsianMan!! sprinting after theExiting pickupTruck.
I could only draw one conclusion after almost a year working there in theCarr's food store as a Barista and seeing this same elderlyAsianMan sprinting out of theStore!!
was that he was shopLifting food (again) from theDeli!! and he took advantage of having the automated door being made to open up already for him so that he could run through with arms full of UnPaidFor groceries,
(come to think of it, pretty much everyone in theHood!! does exactly this, they run out when the door is open)
As I was saying, for theShopLiftingMan, each week it's something different, one week theAsianMan has beer, the next he has a shopping cart full of Doritos, the next week he just steals a "FREE" foodFlyer Insert from the newspaper rack,
of course, when he's drunk, like me, he just crawls out theStore after his management shift is over,
(as our NorthWayMall store doors are not 10 feet away from theCoffeeKiosk!!)
Shortly there after, I saw an elderlyAsianMan!! sprinting after theExiting pickupTruck.
I could only draw one conclusion after almost a year working there in theCarr's food store as a Barista and seeing this same elderlyAsianMan sprinting out of theStore!!
was that he was shopLifting food (again) from theDeli!! and he took advantage of having the automated door being made to open up already for him so that he could run through with arms full of UnPaidFor groceries,
(come to think of it, pretty much everyone in theHood!! does exactly this, they run out when the door is open)
As I was saying, for theShopLiftingMan, each week it's something different, one week theAsianMan has beer, the next he has a shopping cart full of Doritos, the next week he just steals a "FREE" foodFlyer Insert from the newspaper rack,
of course, when he's drunk, like me, he just crawls out theStore after his management shift is over,
however I just hit thePackageStore after my shift and STAGGER on out,
LOL,
one time after some cases of whipped cream were tossed out back, we
LOL,
one time after some cases of whipped cream were tossed out back, we
(theAsianMan, a TeenCheckOutGirl!!, theFloralGirl!! and I)
sucked thePropellent and screamed at traffic as it whizzed by on the....
on the..... we inhaled......
uh...
or maybe that was me and the 3rdBarista!!, since I've been there 2nd longest and the shortRedHead is nipping at my heels to get ahead of me in power, pay, influence and whatNot!!
yeah, I'm sure it was just us two, after we both made too much whippedCream for the next day and had to get rid of the excess!!
anyway,
I saw thePickupTruck hastily exit theStore and I followed it "over" the prostrate / prone (and really annoyed) people that the truck had already runOver
,
I myself, stepped on an ElderlyMan, a teenAgeKid, theGeneralStoreMgr!! and I think... my KioskBoss as SHE was leaving (cos her work shift was over that morning)
As I stepped on people running out of the store, I observed theFleeingPickupTruck's side door open up and HIT an person!!
Groceries were flying everywhere at that point, and I imagined that most of the food items came from theShopLiftingAsianMan!!, or else from that teenAgeKid!!
(most likely a CheckOutGirl that was reporting to work and was taking back "BAD" food stuffs-she always does that!!)
But no, instead the foodItems were quickly being snapped up by my KioskBoss, the bags of coffeeBeans, theEspressoCookies, 2 dozenDonuts and...
oh.
And speaking of donuts.
theDarnPopo!!
didn't even come over to help out with anything (like always), they just sat around on the road close to us and clowned around in traffic.
I didn't see much else after that, cos I went back inside and was stared at in disgust by my Barista partners,
cos apparently I had my cashRegister code punched in and since I never told anyone my code, my partners couldn't ring any more transactions due to my following theFleeingShopLifter and thePickUpTruck out the door,
(as if having to deal with Coffee addicted, anxious, nervous, Impatient $t@rbuck$ customers ISN'T excitement enough)
lovs,
tehSam!!
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taDah!!
ya' think I should apply to write for ADN!?
on the..... we inhaled......
uh...
or maybe that was me and the 3rdBarista!!, since I've been there 2nd longest and the shortRedHead is nipping at my heels to get ahead of me in power, pay, influence and whatNot!!
yeah, I'm sure it was just us two, after we both made too much whippedCream for the next day and had to get rid of the excess!!
anyway,
I saw thePickupTruck hastily exit theStore and I followed it "over" the prostrate / prone (and really annoyed) people that the truck had already runOver
, I myself, stepped on an ElderlyMan, a teenAgeKid, theGeneralStoreMgr!! and I think... my KioskBoss as SHE was leaving (cos her work shift was over that morning)
As I stepped on people running out of the store, I observed theFleeingPickupTruck's side door open up and HIT an person!!
Groceries were flying everywhere at that point, and I imagined that most of the food items came from theShopLiftingAsianMan!!, or else from that teenAgeKid!!
(most likely a CheckOutGirl that was reporting to work and was taking back "BAD" food stuffs-she always does that!!)
But no, instead the foodItems were quickly being snapped up by my KioskBoss, the bags of coffeeBeans, theEspressoCookies, 2 dozenDonuts and...
oh.
And speaking of donuts.
theDarnPopo!!
didn't even come over to help out with anything (like always), they just sat around on the road close to us and clowned around in traffic.I didn't see much else after that, cos I went back inside and was stared at in disgust by my Barista partners,
cos apparently I had my cashRegister code punched in and since I never told anyone my code, my partners couldn't ring any more transactions due to my following theFleeingShopLifter and thePickUpTruck out the door,
(as if having to deal with Coffee addicted, anxious, nervous, Impatient $t@rbuck$ customers ISN'T excitement enough)
lovs,
tehSam!!
------------------------------
taDah!!
ya' think I should apply to write for ADN!?
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