Postings to a Native chat forum.

Native American Movie descriptions.

-Salmon berries and old Leather / Arsenic and Old Lace

-Lonely adopted buck toothed smelly white man at the end of the village who talks funny / Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

-Bridget Jones’s Winter count blanket (that is stiff and smells kinda funky) / Bridget Jones's Diary

-Shaman 2, a gifted medicine-man Buffalo Soldier looks after all the Tribal horses and other animals (Just wait until the Son-In-Law comes back) / Doctor Dolittle 2

Keep Reading!!!!!

-The Englishman who went to the Reservation but came back an Indian, does this sound vaguely familiar to any Certain poster to Our chat room?? / The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain

-Taking off the Breachclothe / The Full Monty

-Looking at the Stars in the Sky and knowing that even now Mars is next to fall / Galaxy Quest

-It’s that Time of the Month (again) / I Married a Witch
(also what happens after this next description)

-He should bring 100,000 stallions, 50,000 mares, 500 grizzly hides, 2,000 rifles, 4,000 Beaver skins, 100 slaves from another Tribe, Wagon-loads of Beads, needles and thread, Restore our Lands back to us, chase away the white inva..... / An Ideal Husband

Now's the time the Shaman 2 throws in the towel and leaves camp. Too many patients!!!!

-Being like a stupid white woman is Not a Crime / Legally Blonde

-Meet the Parents (see an Ideal Husband)

-4th place in the Camp beauty contest, and if she’s anything like a certain Mid West mother she’ll hire a hit man to knock off the competition / Miss Congeniality

-Doing things like a stupid white man / Monkey Business

-A Valuable stone, another funny talking white man and his crazy side-kick that keeps attacking him and us-and just about everyone in camp / the Pink Panther

-She’s having another Baby, and her too, and them, and... / The Producers

-two ditzy white women that were kidnapped from their wagon train as teenagers and later allowed to return home, though WHOM taught them to lie we’ll never know. Perhaps it’s just in their blood? / Romy and Michele's White High School Reunion

-Crazy buffalo soldier and violent rice eater riding horses through camp really fast / Rush Hour

-Mother in Law speaks again / Say Anything

-Same violent rice eater, different white sidekick / Shanghai Noon

-little white boys cheating each other and lying as they prepare for future jobs in white gov’t and the BIA / Small Time Crooks

-the Paths in our village that eventually end up being owned and populated by white people / State and Main

-There’s something about Looks-at-herself Alot, especially her jiggly breasts and nice butt / There's Something About Mary

-Another white Grandfather making treaties and big promises / You Can Count on Me

-a hunter war party finds a young white infant child all alone and brings it back to the village / Alien
(another horrow movie, violence, small pox lung sputum out the chest coughing etc.)

-you stole our land, poisoned our water, polluted our air, took our kids, slaughtered our people / I Know What You Did Last Summer (1876 version)

-a White invader goes to the land of white flag waving, complaining, cheese eaters and eats them / An American Werewolf in Paris
(a must see movie!)

-Does Nothing all Day, son of the village chief / Idle Hands
(see also; Bringing down the Tipi!!, Burn Tipi Burn!!!)

-big large snake in the water that eats white people (another must see!!!) / Anaconda

-talks with pasty white dead people that are alive / Interview with the Vampire

-Invasion of the Land Snatchers / Invasion of the Body Snatchers
(land grabbers, boarding school educators....What's the Diff???)

-great white Grandfathers futile attempts at helping Us once again by creating a group of people called B-I-A and headed by a blonde haired Interior-head / Mary Shelley's Frankenstein

-buffalo soldier running around killing members of the BIA (3 different movies to choose from, we should help him?) / Blade

-thieving white people that dig underground and rob each other and fight off a long-dead medicine man / The Mummy

-crazy white kids running around a grave yard purposely scaring themselves (Comedy) / The Blair Witch Project

-first they wanted our lands, now they want our minds!! / Night of the Living Dead

-don’t send your teenage daughters to white kidz’ high school celebrations or they’ll get blood on their expensive buck skin dresses / Carrie

-crazy white people seeking for power by looking for religious books and dressing in black and finally setting themselves on fire, (should the Interior Secretary do this??) / The Ninth Gate

-first they wanted our lands, then they wanted our minds!!, now they want our lives, hopes, dreams, Ceremonies, Language, our Culture & Identity (starring Jenifer Rides-Bareback / The Cell

-white people trying to be Native and speaking for us, writing for us etc / Disturbing Behavior (Horror- Don’t take the kidz!!)

-a Certain white man trying to be Native and speaking for us, writing for us, always posting in our chat room / Psycho (also “American Psycho”)

-medicine man conducts sleep deprivation experiment upon village beauty; Touches-her-sexy-Hips, Upon the village loser and horse rider accident victim Small gooey hand Joe(another smelly white man) and upon 2 buffalo soldiers that yell and posture alot inside a big haunted tipi. / Scary Movie

-scary white man priest that comes to your reservation and throws water on your children / The Exorcist

-various white kids inside a tipi who shouts loudly before being killed / Scream

-scary white man-priest that takes away our Children and puts them in boarding school / The Faculty

-that dark shifty shape that follows any white person when the sun is up above in the sky / Shadow of the Vampire

-crazy white man in a cabin in the Mountains that ends up going crazier (if it’s even possible for them to do that) / The Shining

-a large fish like animal that emerges from the big waters and terrorizes our great grand fathers home city of WA DC and eats lots of people and completey destroys white society (a must See, take the kids!!!) / Godzilla

-a young spiritual boy that is one of us inside, though all of our Women have a better hair style than his mother and more hair than his Mentor, but like us Natives, He Sees White People!! Hey!! / The Sixth Sense

-5 white Founding Fathers and a village lose their heads to a big angry german guy on a black horse (another Must See, we need to hire this guy and his friends!!!) / Sleepy Hollow

-spirits of white dead ancestors come back to haunt a bunch of white people / The Haunting

-basically what white people are inside, no life, no soul / Hollow Man

-Lies, deceit, greed, hunger, thirst, evil and dark things that are inside every white person / What Lies Beneath

-not wearing moccosins in the grass, upon land that is ours but that is forecilby taken and set aside to be looked at and have garbage thrown upon while a stoic Native man stands around with a tear in his eye and our own people drunkenly sleep in after dark / Barefoot in the Park

-the first meal of the day at some young spoiled white girls house, angry white children filled with angst (pass the butter and pass on seeing this one) / Breakfast at Tiffany’s

-a polite way of saying what comes out of a male Bull-cows butt in reference to what ever white politicians Or white people have to say / Bull Durham (disturbing scenes of white politicians rapping!!)

-strange names that white kids say when speculating about how Native kids are named after birth and later on in life, possible names given to wannabe teens that exhibit Jack Ass behavior / Smiling Fish and Goat on Fire

-tribal celebrations with the drum volume turned up to “11’ / High Fidelity (special guest appearance by 4 pasty white men with bad mullets)

-what every Native mother becomes when the young man brings back wealth to the Tribe (see An Ideal Husband) / The Matchmaker

-the sound that is made when something is thrown in the water (what?!! were you expecting a Native American water nymph runs away with a white man?? God you people are so simple!!! ) / Splash

Keep Reading..I'm not finished yet!!!

-what really happens in the kitchens of those violent rice eaters / the Truth About Cats and Dogs (prequal to All Dogs go to Heaven)

-the best friend or Oldest sister of the young lady that becomes the One selected by the young man that brings Wealth back to the Tribe (see An Ideal Husband) / The Wedding Planner

-fire water drinking, very wealthy, very happy gluttoneous new Father In Law after a night er... WEEK of celebrations (see An Ideal Husband) / The Wedding Singer

-*sigh*.....(see An Ideal Husband) / What Women Want

-village kids run amock when no adults are around / When the Cat’s Away

- *SIGH*.....(what happens on honey moon night) / Woman on Top

- (see Woman on Top) / Working Girl

- I guess here would have been appropriate to insert “I married a Witch”.

-when white people kill each other and their civilization is completely gone, we’ll be the survivors and will bury the dead / Armageddon

-when little sister gets mad, Pouts about how “FAT” her new buck skin dress makes her thighs and butt look and mean little brother teases her too much, then she locks herself alone in the Tipi in the DEAD of WINTER when crows are falling off of trees then someone, ANYONE is called in to talk to her / The Negotiator

-when white people call or come by and ask what can they do to ease our “plight” then tell them to “keep out of”, or “stay completely” or “Be” / Out of Sight (works great with Salesmen and Missionaries)

-in the future when white men grow tired of their own real live white women they make false plastic women that they like and kill off all the others / Blade Runner (Director's Cut)
(in fact, it’s happening right now. It’s called Internet Porn)

-(see the Negotiator) The Peacemaker

-every breath that a white person breathes OUT / Con Air

-more white soldiers come even after we kill off hundreds or thousands more / Replacement Killers

-something that BIA officials are afraid of / Daylight

-honestly, this is something that will never happen but I thought I’d throw it in anyway / an Interview With a Vampire (wait...I said this one already didn’t I, but it bears repeating)

-the Natives need economic help on their reservations that are taken hostage by corruption, so the frustrated white gov’t in desparation sends in elite beneficial programs and funds only to watch them get killed off by the vengeful BIA and corrupt tribal officials until a lone-Wolf Interior Secretary with gray temples and a slight paunch attempts to repel the Corruptions / the Rock

-see how one scenario of Armageddon will be played out amongst the white people / Deep Impact (ground zero will be the White House)

-an honorable group of asian warriors that adhered to a strict code of military conduct and way of life who, after defeating the enemies which had originally killed their masters and making them “masterless” in the first place, they then killed themselves. Also what each Democratic party member or supporter should do after their candidate loses each 4 year election!!! / Ronin

-young urban skinz in the Hood / Rumble in the Bronx

-what each white gov’t corrupt official needs to experience, preferably from a tall, tall building or say.... Crazy horse monument or Mt Rushmore?? / Die Hard

-unless any so Cow dwelling Native wants to espeak espanol as a Native language then they’d better / Escape from L.A.

-urbanized, rez dwelling ....The Siege
Ahhh... Enough already, I'm tired.

theSam!!!

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