Village Time Line

theSam!!
BlogAuthor, self-Publisher and now proud owner of a 2nd Bar Stool!!
these great Milestones just keep on coming, er... uh.. every other Mile at least in my life.

Besides, having a 2nd folding / portable stool direct from KmartLand lends creedence to theFacts that when certain Female company comes over,

she can conveniently grab a stool and start wackin' her man (which, btw is ME!!) about theHead & Shoulders, back, legs, etc.

I'm a great host, really, when you think about it.

I took theExtra mattress off my bed and laid it out on theFloor and dressed it up nice and such.
In fact, I love me!! Living with myself is alright.

I even WASH the dried period blood off the toilet seat so that my JamaicanLandlady doesn't have to!!

*sigh*

Before I get carried away here, let's continue on with theMadness.

TimeLine
I always like to define things up front, first and foremost and then move on from there.

But since I wasn't smart enough to open up a 2nd or 3rd window, like I normally do on thePC here while surfing theNet,

I'll just wing it and spout Glib utterances from memory.
Besides, the only Window I'm going to open right now is theBedroom!! window.

Man!!,
a person can only take so much horrid bad shoe & foot odor before opening theWindow, and since I'm the Only one here in theApt, guess I'll get mad at myself and ventilate theFumes!!

I must be careful though when opening theWindow to my room,
see,

You grab theHandle and pull it to theRight in an Arc,

but I had to use thePower receptacle that sits underneath this particular bedroom window
to power up my TV, my alarmClock,

myVCR/DVD combo, my readingLamp, my Boombox,
myPC monitor & tower, myLaptop, my..

Hhmmmm......
think I'm due for an electrical fire or what!?

Anyway,
in dealing with theOpening of theWindow in Summer months, Like it is Now,

I have to be careful when moving theWindow handle,
Because I use two Surge protecting units that have 10,
Yes-Ten!!

Plug-ins each and I had to anchor theCords to theWall via pushPins and small wire
ties to keep theElectronics from losing power if I moved theReceptacle connections the
Wrong way or something and immediately lost power,

and as once or twice before while typing Blogger material,
I lost 20+ pages of writings and had to immediately start typing again and
staying awake another hour or two retyping etc.

But those days are gone!!
Thanks to me wising up and anchoring my surge protector cords to theWall and safeguarding
the untimely demise of power flow to any of my electronics,

theSam!! couldn't get up on time at 1330hrs to shower, eat and step out theApt door to catch theBus for work without having power from theWall!!

Oh... and most often than Not, theSam!! also pauses between Eating and Stepping Out theDoor-to at least get dressed.

Where was I?!

Oh yeah,

Definitions.

A Time Line to me is a record of events, of things that happened say in history and as these events are related to certain People, Places or Things,

theTime line events become, as I said earlier regarding Important Milestones in my life!!
markers that show the way I have come,

kind of like that hard concrete cement thingie is out there right next to theStreet that wibbles, wobbles and juts up in certain places and is strewn with Vomit, blood, urine, feces and lots of broken glass,

That too, what ever it is!!
Is a marker of sorts, it shows me theWay!! to go home,

((Singing)) when I'm tired and wanna go to bed,
although I didn't have a drink an hour ago

(or at any other time for that matter!!)

something at least has gone to my head.

((Singing)) where ever I may roam.... Oh!!

I better stop before I include theOz tune,
Follow theYellow Brick road.

Maybe it's theRealization that in light of theWarm Anchorage weather that was Spranged upon us recently,

and in light of the facts that I just bought a new bicycle and am now riding around carefree and without fear,

that I'd better take advice from that Painted-in-White figure on the street and "wear a helmet".
I'll buy a helmet that I can fit my big head into-whenever I can FIND a helmet that I can fit my big head into.

So..
Milestones, Markers of what you've accomplished,
markers that are behind you in Life and that when chronicled via Journals, Blogs, er..

Umm..

Police-Reports!! penned in by hot, angry-Upset girlfriends in Uniform then, yes,
those too mark the way for the next generations to come that wish to point fingers and laugh....at me.

Anyhow,

Here's some Milestones from me theSam!! in no particular order,

* Fighting with Mama & an Uncle one day while in a Toddler rage about having to go to bed and instead I wanted to put on shoes and go outside,

There was a pile of family shoes by the door and I stepped into a pair (mismatched) and Mama wouldn't let me go outside.

*sigh*

She won that fight hands down..... On my bottom!!
Ouch!!

Yet oddly enough I was treacherous enough to exact Revenge upon woman-kind when I became Massage Practitioner

and had my female clients put their shoes by the door and during playful conversations and such,

while massaging my HunnieBunnies, would smack their butts!!

Er... as part of Tapotment application, to lightly smack, slap and such moving into light Percussion.

See what can be accomplished in the name of Science & Better Health!?

*Giggling with glee in 3rd grade as a Classmate of mine conspired to put an Push-pin/Thumb-tack onto the chair of our teachers Mrs Nye.

God rest her soul,
I'm sure that she looked down upon me from heaven,

looked down upon me her Wayward student,

years and years later while he drove his Security truck up to and onto the sidewalk of an local Nyes autodealership

(same Name as her!! but no relation-at least that I know of)

and after I did a brief Security check of the car lots
did meet face to face with an upset, oh-so-Cute female Police officer,

I gently rolled her biceps, her arms in my hands and tried to charm her,
but she just stepped in closer to me and told me not to park on the sidewalk anymore!!

*sigh*

I love Peach & Creme blush gently blended over White base-on WhiteFace!!
(yet I thought White as theEyelidFoundation base was so... 1980's!?)

and long lush lashes that just bring out Sky blue eyes under the harsh florescent lights
over a cute rounded nose and pink flushed cheeks.

I digress,

My school buddy succeeded in planting theTack,
but our school teacher didn't even register a Flinch at all

and she sat for a good 10mins at least then got up and walked around the room then left the room for a few mins.

My school friend and I were amazed that she had that much fat on her butt,
to prevent her from feeling any pain at all,

But now that I am an adult, I know (from similar) experience that much pain comes from a small tack, trust me.

Oh.. and to any kids reading this Blog,
take a hint,

get a clue and realize that us "Old", Senile" adults can see you & hear you whispering and giggling a mere 3', 10' or even 40' away,

We know what you're doing, especially if you are in "Our" trusted care and we have to take care of you!!

We may seem to be ignoring you, or seem to be preoccupied with work,
but we're watching.

Behold, that Tack you planted 30+yrs ago will literally,
or Curvy figuratively come back to bite you in theAss!!

Trust me.

*Wearing Suits, Shirts & Ties for 2 yrs while serving a Church Mission
and after finishing said experience, Solemnly vowing to never ever again wear White!!

And then ending up enlisting in theNavy and wearing-What else!? during Spring & Summer months!?

Why, "White" of course.
My punishment didn't end there, oh no. Fate is still smacking my ass to this day.

Lessee, I still wore shirts, tie & slacks during my Hairstyling years in Seattle,
and even during my Massage therapy years as well.

I should move to Europe or to theBahamas next time I get my Licenses back and update my Massage skills, at least in those places I won't have to wear white,

or practically anything at all when working on my hunnies!!

And right now, in my Apt in theHood, the walls are painted an eggshell white.
and theGrocergal, when handing me my bags of Milk, Granola,

Cheesecake, bread, sandwich meats, cheese, potato chips and cookies does bag my groceries in white plastic bags,

And look!! even the Stationary industry is out to get me by coloring all my printer paper in White!!

I tell ya', theGodz are not only crazy, they're vengeful and down right Mean.

I will cease and desist in telling you theRace / Color of most of my girlfriends....
And moving on with more Insignificant events in theTimeLine of theSam!!

*New Years 1980
While living in LDS Church sponsored Indian Student Foster placement with an White (groan) family in Idaho.

Everyone else had gone to bed for the night except for me and an older brother, Spencer.
We were watching theNew Years eve music special and I don't know about my brother but I still remember theVillagePeople singing

"Are You Ready For The 80's!?",

and I liked the song and thought they were the coolest people on thePlanet.

Never did I know that I would be one of theVillagePeople 22 yrs later,
albeit in another "Village" format and certainly not wearing any stupid costume and just Acting the part.

Just take it from me, that waaayyy back then, Fate, or theGodz!!
Thought it funny to later on have ME wearing thePolice costume,

wearing theTools (ConstructionGuy) to do the jobs required of me in theVillage!!
and I was arresting theBadElements within theVillage!! (theBikerGuy)

and most of theMen that I arrested had that same stupid yet odlly enough,

Sexy smirk on their faces.
I smile and try to act that way sometimes when I try to charm a female.

And to add insult to injury,
I am an Indian for crying out loud.
I AM MY OWN VILLAGE!! without the People.

*sobs*

27 yrs ago I was some stupid kid in NewEnglandPatriot Jammies watching theEternally young DickClark on tv counting down the new year and I was having a good time, eating snack foods and being up past Midnight.

Those were good times back then for me,
I loved that family I stayed with those few years while I was OFF theRezervation and away from alcohol & drugs,

I needed to be away from such bad influences at a time in my life when I was most impressionable and God did put hard work into my life, a challenging school environment,

good peers as friends and most importantly-a good Christian oriented indoctrination that would forever mark the paths I would trod later on in life.

Little did I know at that time on New Years 1980 that I was watching my own future,
"theVillagePeople", "In theNavy",

hhmmmm...... and here in theCity!! I wasn't hired by theYMCA nor was I picked up by theBoyz&Gals clubs either when I applied last year,

maybe next time around.

*theOutHouse 1973
being outside our small community house in South Dakota in late evening with my GrandpaGeorge and having him playfully ask me,

Do you see that Spider over there!?
I looked and looked, my young eyes were eager to see what Gampa was referring to, in my young childish mind I finally said yes and told Grampa "yes".

But ever since then,
I still look for theSpider,

theSpider!! now being any problem or contingency in daily plans.
theSpider!! now being any type of thing that may end up harming me.

as for Outhouses, Up here in Rural Alaska it seems you just can't get away from an Outh....

If your parents or VillageGranma's aren't making you dig new holes for theComing winters new Outhouse then you're either repairing, restanding or fixing theOld Outhouse to boot!!

They're full of Mosquitos in Summer, they leak when it rains,
and in Winter when the inside walls and the door gets frosted,
the door slips and smacks your Nose
(if the rubber StretchTie still has good bounce when pulling open or pushing open)

I hate Alaska Outhouses, those things ARE crappy.

*viewing the movie, "theBirds" during ChurchYouth gathering
and seeing people run from those Winged birds of prey.

It was so cool to see that one guy at theGas station pump.

Standing there so obvious to the fact that in another minute he would be dead.
Light 'em up boys, ka boom.

And then later on in life I go join the friggin' Navy and see all those seaGulls.

And later on in life I move up here to Alaska and Mama has these two small Budgy birds.
They are the cutest things to see flit & flutter around their cage.

And one time lil' Blue (now deceased) landed on the linoleum floor and you could hear his tiny clawed feet "Clicketty-Click-clicking" away as he hopped around.

You'd never believe it but those Budgies can TALK!! but only the females.
One summer an younger Nephew of mine moved up here to Alaska with us to live in theVillage!! and to spend a school year,

Those birds heard Mama screaming, yelling and calling her Grandson "Robert" so many times that one day theFemale bird started to scream "robert".

LOL

and never in my life have I ever seen so many Ravens / Crows at one time.
Those birds are everywhere.

I've seen them harrass Eagles!!, Eagles!! for crying out loud,

Ravens are a nuisance and yet, in an odd fashion.
Most Alaska Natives consider theRaven to be sacred and therefore,

Don't hurt them or kill them because, that Raven hanging around you might be an Deceased relative come to Visit you.

Do like I'm going to do either later on today or tomorrow (Monday) and visit theColonel!!
and buy a family bucket of extra Crispy!!

Better yet, Go to Hooters!!

*theVillage!! 1999
little old ladies with Axes in their hands scare me.

Angry little old Native ladies with "broken" axes in their hands Yelling at me, scare me.

In '99 I was a "Cheechako", an Greenhorn to Alaska.

Of course I'm sure that I was "other things" to the Native Village family that I'm now a part of when I moved back with my parents after being out of theNest for over 10 yrs.

Because now adays, theOld ones talk theOld Native tonges and gesture at me and smile or can often be frowning and be angry. Doh well.

Mama is the one to blame for all of Granma's broken and banged up axes.
NOW I can cut a tree down without endangering myself and others nearby,
NOW I can cut logs up and split them down for woodstove sized fire logs
without breaking any axe handles,
NOW I can, circa 2007.

But in 1999, I broke a couple of axe handles and there stood a cute,
little old Native lady talking loudly to me while holding an broken axe!!

Before I continue typing more Village TimeLines,
I should note to you that I'm getting chilly right now.

I've been checking my email, looking at a few sites here and there and then
coming back to this Window and typing some more,

See how much thought I put into this blog NOW, that I have ClearWire Internet
connections?!

Whereas before, I had to type everything up on Floppydisk and save it and then
find a public place with Internet access and cut-n-past the document.

MotherNeccesity, where would we be, without theInvention of Electricity?!
theGirlFriend of Convenience now takes my time away from Mother.

Well, I'm going to close theBedroom Window and hope that I can do it withou

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