Proud Village!! stars
YourVillageCalled!!, you can have these Idiots back.
Current mood: amused
OUR PROUD VILLAGE STARS
-Beautiful Henni is from the German village of HansMill in theUpperYVC Region,
Officially, she was a car mechanic from birth, but grew tired of engine oil and gas additives chasing her drinks.
So one day, after her village VPSO ran away screaming, she took the job-but only to be closer to theAlcohol!! ......oh, and she is a real masochist too!!
"After hearing through theGrapevine about that one Southeast regional Officer whom hid from theWildTurkeys in HIS village,
by restraining & hooding himself and locked inside his PatrolVehicle while panicked Villagers!! ran amok after theTurkeyShoot got out of hand-
it just piqued my curiosity," she breathed to us Interviewers through her SpitGuardHood.
"Besides, my grandmother always covers everyone w/ HER shotgun just about everyday, Wouldn't be married today to my 2nd cousin without her!!, so that was no biggy for me, it's just that I run TO theWildTurkey in my village!!"
run Henni, and bring theIce
----
-officerDann is a real drunk from downtown Squarebanks.
"thePopo would wake me up on the sidewalk, or by riverside, and even in theLand of theMidnightSun, what with all those darn Maglights, Pelicans and SureFires in my face,
You'd think I was living on theSun!! sometimes, so that naturally pointed me towards my job in village!! law enforcement.
With a cute body of a 24 year old villageGirl!! riding along on patrol (in his Car trunk) life in uniform wasn't as exciting enough,
So why 24yr olds!?
"Easy, it sure beats villageKidz!! riding with me,
like that one weird Lakota guy in Pimento!! He's a one man DayCare in theSummer.
But then, those bracing villageCouncil!! meetings made getting out of bed just worthwhile, and of course, having a sullen 24yo "alreadyPregnant" girl and her family waiting for me at home at work days end ALSO makes villageCouncil!! mtgs worthwhile!!"
We here at YVCInc just love officerDann's ability to accept extreme punishments, but he does draw theLine at working in theVillage!! school,
In fact OD adopted villageKidz!! always point out LIFE to him every day at school, cos they break every rule given to them.
"Everything in theVillage!! / Life I learned from my kintergartners!!,
say, I gotta take a lunch nap now, if you need anything, just kick my legs and shine a light in my face!!"
sure thing dannyBoy!!
----
-officerDownz!! is just a young 42 years old and is already a fan of all kinds of villageDrinking!! games.
SledDogBodyshots,
making your BudWiser!!,
belching theVPSO's name,
but SnowSkpping is his favorite!!
You just follow some Bootleggers as they leave to go get alcohol to Import backInto theVillage!!
Since they always steal their SnowMachines and other peoples Gas when it snows,
You TOO can steal stuff, like, their Axes or Chainsaws and cut up a few trees off theBeatenPath!!
then place some logs over theTrail that theBootleggers will use and wait for snow to cover everything,
Wait till they come ZZoooming back into theVillage!! at 100mph, hit the buried logs and go skipping over theSnow!!
OfficerDownz is the most serious of all area VPSO's, in fact, he's formerMilitary!!
He's so hardcore that we're sure he DID answer ALL questions posed to him by our Reporter in just reporting this Hypothetical Village!! drinkingGame post to you,
we're so sure in fact, cos our Reporters never ever Come back from his village!!
Some militaryPeople do answer every question, then kill you.
----
-Marx is a very quiet VPSO currently serving in theUpper region of BEHEMOTH
He told us one day via Email, that as a young man he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life.
Now almost 13yrs later with 2,300 villagers to watch he still has no idea what he wants to do with his life!!
We're certain there's something out there for him, somewhere, Out. There!!
We're not sure where, but when we find out, We'll TDY him there permanently!!......and send his XBox and clothes to him later.
We found Marx in theCity!!, he was standing there all by himself and something in the way he looked piqued the attention and curiousity of one of our VPSO recruiters,
Later on we talked to Marx's employers and soon enough,
CigarStore Indian mascot Marx was being transported by us back to theNorthern climes of Alaska!!
His stoicism and even temper suited him best for a stint in our most unstable of native village Regions, which still is BEHEMOTH!!, that loosely organized and clannish collection of villages perched precariously along theYukonn border.
We thought we'd send him to WHO CARES region,
or maybe to GO AWAY!!, to those collection of rebellious villages
but we felt that apathy and hostility wasn't what was in store for cigarStore Indian turned VPSO Marx!! Instead, he could just quietly observe and report back to us at corporate offices.
Aside from a brief stay in the hospital from those Beaver attacks, theTermite infestation and when his RepelRain!! varnish applique gave him hives-his service in theVillages!! has been..... quiet.
----
-Officer Serena is a sweet 19 yr old and in fact she's still going to school in her village!!, albeit she's undercover!!
She breaks theExpenditures budget at YVCInc every time she needs a new Outfit or when her hair and nails need done.
But we put up with her Drama cos, quite frankly, her village would be awash in Alcohol and Drugs without her,
although we're not sure of her disposal methods for her Contraband, one thing is apparent, that through theFoundation she set up in her VillageRegion, practically every workman hammerz, saws, trowels, tiles and otherwise builds stuff NONstop!!
but there's just one drawback....... nothing ever gets completed!!
And those workCrews are so freakin' skinny and some are red, blotchy and always scratchin' and swattin' at imaginary bugs.
And speaking of bugs, animals and what not.
theFish!! in the lakes around Serena's village are huge!! and aggressive, and theCaribou and Moose HUNT humans,
even theBears are so brazen as to commit themselves to board membership on VillageCouncil!!
Something strange must be in the flora, the fauna, In theWater and in thePipes of all living things out in her neck of the Woods
Anyway!!
Like many young girls her age she wants to just play dolls, bake cookies and watch CartoonNetwork reruns,
She says she's just a normal 4th grade girl, but we say she's living her dreams!!
'I don't know why but I always dreamt of being a Cop in the big city, she admits that instead she's working on her dream out in theVillage!!,
but going through 2nd grade, 8th grade, or even graduating Sr high like, for the Nteenth time gets very nerve wracking.
Puberty was the worst!! It totally sucked, at least I have a silencer on my pistol now!!, oh wait..... We're not supposed to be armed are we!? scratch that!!
When people think they've seen me somewhere else, I just pull my ponytail back, squint my eyes more and they think I'm from Out West or from UP north!!
Way to go, our UnderCover Officer!!, keep visualizing those dreams of yours, DON'T go Fishing and....
and Squint harder!!
----
-We'll now introduce our newest member of theVPSO team,
Meet Ali Abha!!
Ali's resume and cover letter describes himself this way
" in the fact that I'm a very exotic beauty hoping to Get Behind theWheel in village law enforcement, but if NOT, then I'll just move to theCity!! and join my cousins and brother there and drive yellowTaxi like every other foreigner currently does".
Ali had everyone fooled when he met us at theAirport, his Car was painted Yellow, his Seat Cover was RoloBeads and he had on a Turban!!
We thought he was from theCab company, but it took 18hrs for him to convince us that he in fact, had "driven up to Alaska via theMariine Hwy just to scout out thePipelinne... erhh... I mean... to work for YOU!!"
When we asked him how he knew our private flight plans down to the last details, he politely shrugged and stroked his long unkempt fuzzy beard then quietly adjusted his long white robes, "It's just In theBlood!!"
Originally emmigrated from Iran, the 33yr old "elegant beauty", now has his free time to cavort about in a quaint little drinkingVillage!! with a Native Problem,
We had initially had reservations, but Ali found out and cancelled them,
then changed everyone's names and then reRouted us all through cleveland, LAX and La Guardia (and we never even left Alaska!!) and that makes us think that his Persian blood makes him a real wild horse.
We also had flight plans for our next big Supervisory board meetings but Abhi found out and "helped" theArporrt with helping us to land, he commandeered theALSS and said he had to drop back the threshHold 300' for us,
Just so that we'd save a few bucks on flight fuel by "moving" theImaginaryLanding marker "CLOSER" to us, Wow.
that was thoughtful of Abhi!! But you should see for yourself the incredible work he does as our newest PublicSafetyOfficer,
In fact, his communities VillageCouncilChief!! just sent the latest Panic laden fax to our Corporate Office!!
Everyone including theCouncilChief says that Ali Abhba is outstanding!!
erh... "out standing in the field right next to theGeneralStore making grid schematics, referencing open SightLines and calculating mortar and rocket trajectories!!"
"Just yesterday Ali was taking photographs of everyone at theVillage!! Fair and schoolPotlatch and a few parents thought his Detention and Questioning tactics regarding AlcoholImportation were a bit "Extreme""
I mean, who asks their Villagers!! if they were the ones who imported alcohol, or who assaulted and choked their girlfriends just by using a 50Gal drum of water and 2 car batteries with 10' of wire attached to theNipples or scrote!? WHO?!!
And he routinely sics his mean sledDogs upon his Prisoners and poses them too, then takes photographs. At least he shares this with his StateTroop handlers, who've now incorporated such training regimen into theVPSO program!!
We don't know, but until we get more hard evidence, until we can actually find pieces of those 3 riverboats that were "Allegedly" blown up last month, or find theIdentities of those bodies found out in theWoods next to Abis village......
we can't jump to conclusions.
oh no.... another Fax from theVillage!!
Now they say Abi is kneeling to theEast 5 times a day and chanting
"Indebted to Merka!!" or something like that.
Abhi is proof that we at YVCInc will hire "anybody",
..... wait. and so is Sam!!, but we'll get to *ahem*......... to him later.
----
And................. speak of theDevil!!
You'll hardly find such a brave and proud school girl!!
We love our Sam!! But then again, that WAS the Ms Pimento beauty contest that he entered and won!!
You gotta hand it to the brash Officer though,
Anyone who'll willingly get tossed into theVillageRiver during boat races for a laugh has a screw loose upstairs or something!!
And the way he skips around theGeneralStore, you'd think he WAS a schoolgirl or something as he smells "thePopTarts" and drools for theNteenth time,
And after intimidating the alreadyPregnant!! HighSchoolgirls up close and personal, he goes to theBoxed popTarts on theShelf and grabs a case of milk and leaves the store!!
He's so cute sitting there in his small personal owned vehicle that he uses for his Patrol Truck,
he's his own circus sometimes cos he just keeps on getting out of that small RiceBurner vehicle even when he's been inside his house for hours!!
he's so big and his vehicle is so small, though we think it's just his BallisticVest that does that to him and his damn Ego!!
We even think he has masokist tendencies and dreams when he shares his NewAge stereo music with the whole village!! at 0400hrs at 210decibels.
Oddly enough, angry shouts, DomesticViolence victim cries for help, guns firing AND enya or yaNNi accompanying along does kinda warm theSoul.
You'll have to see his Wild Goose Chase DashCam videos to believe them, he keeps record when contacting EVERY bootlegger,
he dubbed his DashCam footage thusly because, his Uppity villageChixxx!! always drink GrayGoose Vodka and never drink swill like, Skyy or Smirnoff!!
theSam!! grew up in the......
grew up in SouthDak....
Let's just be honest here, theBastard still hasn't grown up!!
But we think he was raised under a very dominant Mother.
Maybe that explains his Hair salon dreams and his patience for all the 1st grade girls painting his FingerNails during Lunchtime inSchool visits!!
Then he checks up on theWife!! in 6th grade, his two kids in Kintergarten, 3 pregnant Sophomore GF's and a teacherLover!! & hisWife!!
Then speeds out of town quickly with the window of his Duty Vehicle down so his Henna streaked hair can catch some sun!!-but that was a few years ago in a village!! far far away.
Today the41year old DishWasher turned BarTender student / BarTenderTrainee makes his dreams come true - and ours, too!!-by NOT being in OUR uniform and by not being in OUR region anymore!!
-------------
check out the rest soon at AlaskaVillageTales.
later everyone.
luvs,
theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
Current mood: amused
OUR PROUD VILLAGE STARS
-Beautiful Henni is from the German village of HansMill in theUpperYVC Region,
Officially, she was a car mechanic from birth, but grew tired of engine oil and gas additives chasing her drinks.
So one day, after her village VPSO ran away screaming, she took the job-but only to be closer to theAlcohol!! ......oh, and she is a real masochist too!!
"After hearing through theGrapevine about that one Southeast regional Officer whom hid from theWildTurkeys in HIS village,
by restraining & hooding himself and locked inside his PatrolVehicle while panicked Villagers!! ran amok after theTurkeyShoot got out of hand-
it just piqued my curiosity," she breathed to us Interviewers through her SpitGuardHood.
"Besides, my grandmother always covers everyone w/ HER shotgun just about everyday, Wouldn't be married today to my 2nd cousin without her!!, so that was no biggy for me, it's just that I run TO theWildTurkey in my village!!"
run Henni, and bring theIce
----
-officerDann is a real drunk from downtown Squarebanks.
"thePopo would wake me up on the sidewalk, or by riverside, and even in theLand of theMidnightSun, what with all those darn Maglights, Pelicans and SureFires in my face,
You'd think I was living on theSun!! sometimes, so that naturally pointed me towards my job in village!! law enforcement.
With a cute body of a 24 year old villageGirl!! riding along on patrol (in his Car trunk) life in uniform wasn't as exciting enough,
So why 24yr olds!?
"Easy, it sure beats villageKidz!! riding with me,
like that one weird Lakota guy in Pimento!! He's a one man DayCare in theSummer.
But then, those bracing villageCouncil!! meetings made getting out of bed just worthwhile, and of course, having a sullen 24yo "alreadyPregnant" girl and her family waiting for me at home at work days end ALSO makes villageCouncil!! mtgs worthwhile!!"
We here at YVCInc just love officerDann's ability to accept extreme punishments, but he does draw theLine at working in theVillage!! school,
In fact OD adopted villageKidz!! always point out LIFE to him every day at school, cos they break every rule given to them.
"Everything in theVillage!! / Life I learned from my kintergartners!!,
say, I gotta take a lunch nap now, if you need anything, just kick my legs and shine a light in my face!!"
sure thing dannyBoy!!
----
-officerDownz!! is just a young 42 years old and is already a fan of all kinds of villageDrinking!! games.
SledDogBodyshots,
making your BudWiser!!,
belching theVPSO's name,
but SnowSkpping is his favorite!!
You just follow some Bootleggers as they leave to go get alcohol to Import backInto theVillage!!
Since they always steal their SnowMachines and other peoples Gas when it snows,
You TOO can steal stuff, like, their Axes or Chainsaws and cut up a few trees off theBeatenPath!!
then place some logs over theTrail that theBootleggers will use and wait for snow to cover everything,
Wait till they come ZZoooming back into theVillage!! at 100mph, hit the buried logs and go skipping over theSnow!!
OfficerDownz is the most serious of all area VPSO's, in fact, he's formerMilitary!!
He's so hardcore that we're sure he DID answer ALL questions posed to him by our Reporter in just reporting this Hypothetical Village!! drinkingGame post to you,
we're so sure in fact, cos our Reporters never ever Come back from his village!!
Some militaryPeople do answer every question, then kill you.
----
-Marx is a very quiet VPSO currently serving in theUpper region of BEHEMOTH
He told us one day via Email, that as a young man he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life.
Now almost 13yrs later with 2,300 villagers to watch he still has no idea what he wants to do with his life!!
We're certain there's something out there for him, somewhere, Out. There!!
We're not sure where, but when we find out, We'll TDY him there permanently!!......and send his XBox and clothes to him later.
We found Marx in theCity!!, he was standing there all by himself and something in the way he looked piqued the attention and curiousity of one of our VPSO recruiters,
Later on we talked to Marx's employers and soon enough,
CigarStore Indian mascot Marx was being transported by us back to theNorthern climes of Alaska!!
His stoicism and even temper suited him best for a stint in our most unstable of native village Regions, which still is BEHEMOTH!!, that loosely organized and clannish collection of villages perched precariously along theYukonn border.
We thought we'd send him to WHO CARES region,
or maybe to GO AWAY!!, to those collection of rebellious villages
but we felt that apathy and hostility wasn't what was in store for cigarStore Indian turned VPSO Marx!! Instead, he could just quietly observe and report back to us at corporate offices.
Aside from a brief stay in the hospital from those Beaver attacks, theTermite infestation and when his RepelRain!! varnish applique gave him hives-his service in theVillages!! has been..... quiet.
----
-Officer Serena is a sweet 19 yr old and in fact she's still going to school in her village!!, albeit she's undercover!!
She breaks theExpenditures budget at YVCInc every time she needs a new Outfit or when her hair and nails need done.
But we put up with her Drama cos, quite frankly, her village would be awash in Alcohol and Drugs without her,
although we're not sure of her disposal methods for her Contraband, one thing is apparent, that through theFoundation she set up in her VillageRegion, practically every workman hammerz, saws, trowels, tiles and otherwise builds stuff NONstop!!
but there's just one drawback....... nothing ever gets completed!!
And those workCrews are so freakin' skinny and some are red, blotchy and always scratchin' and swattin' at imaginary bugs.
And speaking of bugs, animals and what not.
theFish!! in the lakes around Serena's village are huge!! and aggressive, and theCaribou and Moose HUNT humans,
even theBears are so brazen as to commit themselves to board membership on VillageCouncil!!
Something strange must be in the flora, the fauna, In theWater and in thePipes of all living things out in her neck of the Woods
Anyway!!
Like many young girls her age she wants to just play dolls, bake cookies and watch CartoonNetwork reruns,
She says she's just a normal 4th grade girl, but we say she's living her dreams!!
'I don't know why but I always dreamt of being a Cop in the big city, she admits that instead she's working on her dream out in theVillage!!,
but going through 2nd grade, 8th grade, or even graduating Sr high like, for the Nteenth time gets very nerve wracking.
Puberty was the worst!! It totally sucked, at least I have a silencer on my pistol now!!, oh wait..... We're not supposed to be armed are we!? scratch that!!
When people think they've seen me somewhere else, I just pull my ponytail back, squint my eyes more and they think I'm from Out West or from UP north!!
Way to go, our UnderCover Officer!!, keep visualizing those dreams of yours, DON'T go Fishing and....
and Squint harder!!
----
-We'll now introduce our newest member of theVPSO team,
Meet Ali Abha!!
Ali's resume and cover letter describes himself this way
" in the fact that I'm a very exotic beauty hoping to Get Behind theWheel in village law enforcement, but if NOT, then I'll just move to theCity!! and join my cousins and brother there and drive yellowTaxi like every other foreigner currently does".
Ali had everyone fooled when he met us at theAirport, his Car was painted Yellow, his Seat Cover was RoloBeads and he had on a Turban!!
We thought he was from theCab company, but it took 18hrs for him to convince us that he in fact, had "driven up to Alaska via theMariine Hwy just to scout out thePipelinne... erhh... I mean... to work for YOU!!"
When we asked him how he knew our private flight plans down to the last details, he politely shrugged and stroked his long unkempt fuzzy beard then quietly adjusted his long white robes, "It's just In theBlood!!"
Originally emmigrated from Iran, the 33yr old "elegant beauty", now has his free time to cavort about in a quaint little drinkingVillage!! with a Native Problem,
We had initially had reservations, but Ali found out and cancelled them,
then changed everyone's names and then reRouted us all through cleveland, LAX and La Guardia (and we never even left Alaska!!) and that makes us think that his Persian blood makes him a real wild horse.
We also had flight plans for our next big Supervisory board meetings but Abhi found out and "helped" theArporrt with helping us to land, he commandeered theALSS and said he had to drop back the threshHold 300' for us,
Just so that we'd save a few bucks on flight fuel by "moving" theImaginaryLanding marker "CLOSER" to us, Wow.
that was thoughtful of Abhi!! But you should see for yourself the incredible work he does as our newest PublicSafetyOfficer,
In fact, his communities VillageCouncilChief!! just sent the latest Panic laden fax to our Corporate Office!!
Everyone including theCouncilChief says that Ali Abhba is outstanding!!
erh... "out standing in the field right next to theGeneralStore making grid schematics, referencing open SightLines and calculating mortar and rocket trajectories!!"
"Just yesterday Ali was taking photographs of everyone at theVillage!! Fair and schoolPotlatch and a few parents thought his Detention and Questioning tactics regarding AlcoholImportation were a bit "Extreme""
I mean, who asks their Villagers!! if they were the ones who imported alcohol, or who assaulted and choked their girlfriends just by using a 50Gal drum of water and 2 car batteries with 10' of wire attached to theNipples or scrote!? WHO?!!
And he routinely sics his mean sledDogs upon his Prisoners and poses them too, then takes photographs. At least he shares this with his StateTroop handlers, who've now incorporated such training regimen into theVPSO program!!
We don't know, but until we get more hard evidence, until we can actually find pieces of those 3 riverboats that were "Allegedly" blown up last month, or find theIdentities of those bodies found out in theWoods next to Abis village......
we can't jump to conclusions.
oh no.... another Fax from theVillage!!
Now they say Abi is kneeling to theEast 5 times a day and chanting
"Indebted to Merka!!" or something like that.
Abhi is proof that we at YVCInc will hire "anybody",
..... wait. and so is Sam!!, but we'll get to *ahem*......... to him later.
----
And................. speak of theDevil!!
You'll hardly find such a brave and proud school girl!!
We love our Sam!! But then again, that WAS the Ms Pimento beauty contest that he entered and won!!
You gotta hand it to the brash Officer though,
Anyone who'll willingly get tossed into theVillageRiver during boat races for a laugh has a screw loose upstairs or something!!
And the way he skips around theGeneralStore, you'd think he WAS a schoolgirl or something as he smells "thePopTarts" and drools for theNteenth time,
And after intimidating the alreadyPregnant!! HighSchoolgirls up close and personal, he goes to theBoxed popTarts on theShelf and grabs a case of milk and leaves the store!!
He's so cute sitting there in his small personal owned vehicle that he uses for his Patrol Truck,
he's his own circus sometimes cos he just keeps on getting out of that small RiceBurner vehicle even when he's been inside his house for hours!!
he's so big and his vehicle is so small, though we think it's just his BallisticVest that does that to him and his damn Ego!!
We even think he has masokist tendencies and dreams when he shares his NewAge stereo music with the whole village!! at 0400hrs at 210decibels.
Oddly enough, angry shouts, DomesticViolence victim cries for help, guns firing AND enya or yaNNi accompanying along does kinda warm theSoul.
You'll have to see his Wild Goose Chase DashCam videos to believe them, he keeps record when contacting EVERY bootlegger,
he dubbed his DashCam footage thusly because, his Uppity villageChixxx!! always drink GrayGoose Vodka and never drink swill like, Skyy or Smirnoff!!
theSam!! grew up in the......
grew up in SouthDak....
Let's just be honest here, theBastard still hasn't grown up!!
But we think he was raised under a very dominant Mother.
Maybe that explains his Hair salon dreams and his patience for all the 1st grade girls painting his FingerNails during Lunchtime inSchool visits!!
Then he checks up on theWife!! in 6th grade, his two kids in Kintergarten, 3 pregnant Sophomore GF's and a teacherLover!! & hisWife!!
Then speeds out of town quickly with the window of his Duty Vehicle down so his Henna streaked hair can catch some sun!!-but that was a few years ago in a village!! far far away.
Today the41year old DishWasher turned BarTender student / BarTenderTrainee makes his dreams come true - and ours, too!!-by NOT being in OUR uniform and by not being in OUR region anymore!!
-------------
check out the rest soon at AlaskaVillageTales.
later everyone.
luvs,
theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
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