How To Get Sam!!'s Attention!!......
wuz browzing a few barTender sites and found this gem,
It is so true!!
Please understand that most people behind the bar are aware of your presence, they'll get to you eventually.
.....and, Just hold a slice of CheeseCake!! to get Sam!!'s attention.
d:oD
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How to get the bartenders attention!!!
10 BIG WAYS TO GET A BARTENDERS ATTENTION!!
Big Ways to Get A Bartender's Attention!
1 - Climb onto the bar and wave like an ADHD toddler to get your 5th Ketel (like you can taste the 3 dollar difference, Captain Yupptastic) and Red Bull and revel in your true originality.
That wins brownie points. We'll be right there. Can't wait. I'll bring the party hats.
2 - Wave so you knock into other people spilling their drinks. Proclaim it to be the staff's fault because you had to wait until your turn.
Pout and piss and moan in a righteous rant using big words like OHMIGAWD and LIKE... Forevahhhh! Because, after all we should be expressive once in awhile.
3 - Glare as though the server is an evil soul coughed up from the very bowels of hell to make you wait and wait and wait, that's right.
You must be the only one in the bar currently wanting a drink. Cherish the vendetta building inside you. We all need a hobby, after all.
4 - Smile and follow the bartenders every move like a Carol Brady look alike stalker. This is brilliant strategy, really. The "I need attention above everyone else barbie grin" complete with perfect posture and outstretched drink in hand.
You know you get a bunch of these and it is damned creepy. David... Lynch... creepy...
5 - Flirt vapidly with bartender. This is so original because no one ever, ever flirts with the bartender. Never happens E-V-E-R. That's right... They'll truly believe you think that they are quite sexy and hop at the chance of serving your charming and sensual self. Of course they won't assume you want something free or for le$$.
Nope, would never imagine that... Go Princess Cupid of otherworldly pheromone action. You are sooooo ahead of everyone else.
NOT!
6 - Interupting another person's order with a loud, truck driver sounding -- I'LL HAVE... Yeah, be right there. Oh wait, you want WATER with no ice or 1 freaking LEMON DROP (on a Saturday night when there are 20 people wanting drinks) - yeah, I'll just tell all 20 people waiting forever to fuck off that were ahead of you so I can get sugar all over the bar, cut and squeeze fresh lemons so you can feel all lemony fresh and special and be the first pretty princess with a citrutastic creation made JUST FOR YOU because you are so much more important than everyone else there.
No, before you ask we won't take a Discover card for a four dollar sale you DUMB ASS.
WTF??
7 - Snap fingers. Unless you want to audition for an improv, human sound group (like stomp) do not snap fingers at bartender ever. Just DON'T do it.
Trust me. It's just tasteless. It's like picking your ass in an ice cream shop when a toddler is at eye level. Jeeeesuz.
8 - Slam shot glasses after you have downed a shot in a bar and then wave for more. Now that everything will stick to this surface and my arm and the bar towel and you because you are probably mentally defective in the first place to think slamming glass and sugared fermented liquid is such a joy...
such incentive to go down there and lean forward to hear you say in a mumbling, inebretarded voice in my loud bar - I'd liiiiiiike 6 more Jaeger shots.
Can you make em' BIG? Why not ask me if they also come in a sippy cup, retard?
9 - Hold credit cards at face level, while impeding my movement because of your pudgy, pallid arm in my way. If we are not looking at you it is because someone really was before you and we are trying to be fair. Your money, Steve Jobs wannabe is secondary to whomever was actually next.
Maybe this might occur to you as you drive home swerving past red lights in your fabulous HUMM VEE listening to Justin Timberlake.
10 - When the bartender gets to you and asks you - Hello. What can I get for you? (ready to get anything) sit there and make a whining sound as slowly as humanly possible
~~Emmm, do youuu havvvvvvvve Chartreuse? (proceed to ask for the most bizarre from outer space in a universe far far away things that no regular bar ever has) Barenjaeger? Rumple Mintz? Is it called Rumple Mints? I just don't know. What should I have? No, I don't like that. Ewwwwww... (spends additional 10 minutes conferring with friends who are all wearng the same stretchy pants and low cut strait outta Sex in the City sweater) What about... a pousse caffe? Do you have a blender? What types of wiiiiiiiiiine do you have? What's that like? Is that a sharp red of a sweet one? Is it like White Zinfandelllll? I just can't figure out what to have. No wait! Don't go away! Wait... Wait!
I can't believe you were the fastest sperm. Just pick something or let someone go ahead of you. Write a philosophy book! Become useful with your indecision.
Freaking incredible!
6:42 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
It is so true!!
Please understand that most people behind the bar are aware of your presence, they'll get to you eventually.
.....and, Just hold a slice of CheeseCake!! to get Sam!!'s attention.
d:oD
------------------------------------
How to get the bartenders attention!!!
10 BIG WAYS TO GET A BARTENDERS ATTENTION!!
Big Ways to Get A Bartender's Attention!
1 - Climb onto the bar and wave like an ADHD toddler to get your 5th Ketel (like you can taste the 3 dollar difference, Captain Yupptastic) and Red Bull and revel in your true originality.
That wins brownie points. We'll be right there. Can't wait. I'll bring the party hats.
2 - Wave so you knock into other people spilling their drinks. Proclaim it to be the staff's fault because you had to wait until your turn.
Pout and piss and moan in a righteous rant using big words like OHMIGAWD and LIKE... Forevahhhh! Because, after all we should be expressive once in awhile.
3 - Glare as though the server is an evil soul coughed up from the very bowels of hell to make you wait and wait and wait, that's right.
You must be the only one in the bar currently wanting a drink. Cherish the vendetta building inside you. We all need a hobby, after all.
4 - Smile and follow the bartenders every move like a Carol Brady look alike stalker. This is brilliant strategy, really. The "I need attention above everyone else barbie grin" complete with perfect posture and outstretched drink in hand.
You know you get a bunch of these and it is damned creepy. David... Lynch... creepy...
5 - Flirt vapidly with bartender. This is so original because no one ever, ever flirts with the bartender. Never happens E-V-E-R. That's right... They'll truly believe you think that they are quite sexy and hop at the chance of serving your charming and sensual self. Of course they won't assume you want something free or for le$$.
Nope, would never imagine that... Go Princess Cupid of otherworldly pheromone action. You are sooooo ahead of everyone else.
NOT!
6 - Interupting another person's order with a loud, truck driver sounding -- I'LL HAVE... Yeah, be right there. Oh wait, you want WATER with no ice or 1 freaking LEMON DROP (on a Saturday night when there are 20 people wanting drinks) - yeah, I'll just tell all 20 people waiting forever to fuck off that were ahead of you so I can get sugar all over the bar, cut and squeeze fresh lemons so you can feel all lemony fresh and special and be the first pretty princess with a citrutastic creation made JUST FOR YOU because you are so much more important than everyone else there.
No, before you ask we won't take a Discover card for a four dollar sale you DUMB ASS.
WTF??
7 - Snap fingers. Unless you want to audition for an improv, human sound group (like stomp) do not snap fingers at bartender ever. Just DON'T do it.
Trust me. It's just tasteless. It's like picking your ass in an ice cream shop when a toddler is at eye level. Jeeeesuz.
8 - Slam shot glasses after you have downed a shot in a bar and then wave for more. Now that everything will stick to this surface and my arm and the bar towel and you because you are probably mentally defective in the first place to think slamming glass and sugared fermented liquid is such a joy...
such incentive to go down there and lean forward to hear you say in a mumbling, inebretarded voice in my loud bar - I'd liiiiiiike 6 more Jaeger shots.
Can you make em' BIG? Why not ask me if they also come in a sippy cup, retard?
9 - Hold credit cards at face level, while impeding my movement because of your pudgy, pallid arm in my way. If we are not looking at you it is because someone really was before you and we are trying to be fair. Your money, Steve Jobs wannabe is secondary to whomever was actually next.
Maybe this might occur to you as you drive home swerving past red lights in your fabulous HUMM VEE listening to Justin Timberlake.
10 - When the bartender gets to you and asks you - Hello. What can I get for you? (ready to get anything) sit there and make a whining sound as slowly as humanly possible
~~Emmm, do youuu havvvvvvvve Chartreuse? (proceed to ask for the most bizarre from outer space in a universe far far away things that no regular bar ever has) Barenjaeger? Rumple Mintz? Is it called Rumple Mints? I just don't know. What should I have? No, I don't like that. Ewwwwww... (spends additional 10 minutes conferring with friends who are all wearng the same stretchy pants and low cut strait outta Sex in the City sweater) What about... a pousse caffe? Do you have a blender? What types of wiiiiiiiiiine do you have? What's that like? Is that a sharp red of a sweet one? Is it like White Zinfandelllll? I just can't figure out what to have. No wait! Don't go away! Wait... Wait!
I can't believe you were the fastest sperm. Just pick something or let someone go ahead of you. Write a philosophy book! Become useful with your indecision.
Freaking incredible!
6:42 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
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