AlaskaVillageTales

Last Nov I wrote about theTurkey shoot we had in theVillage and the resulting chaos we had during the festivities. You were there when theTurkeys in theTruck broke out and made their bid for freedom as they ran away. We still haven't found the last 2 missing Villagers among theMany that dove into the deep snow banks-running Not from theTurkeys-but from Granma as she innocently waved around her loaded shotgun. It was a misfire or something, wouldn't fire for her and she turned around asking for help with theFire arm and literally "covered" everyone half a dozen times. You were there when theCurrent CPO / community police officer was theOnly safe person in theVillage as he slipped into thePatrol vehicle and after donning his spit-hood, seatbelts and other restraints-Closed his eyes and hung on as his vehicle was rocked and battered not only from theTurkeys running amok, but also from theDamage as thePanicky Villagers fled theScene after a mini demolition derby trying...

Hambone theSam!! whom lives on theOutskirts of Mountain View!! but would rather be UP theSkirt where it’s nice and warm, since it’s Cold Novemburrrrr!!! theSam!! more diabolical than a Real Estate Agent, and Twice as poor!! theSam!! who’s latest Village Arrests include some guy made of Snow with a Broomstick in his hands, he was running here and there all around theVillage square saying, “Catch me if you can!!” theSam!! ended theEscape with a shotgun blast to the guys white, round head. theMangled Carrot fell...”thumpity-thump Thump” Fri 03 Oct 2003 to theVillage MintoCouncil. As I write this letter it is the early morning hours...I have been out for most of the night on theVillage and out on theMintoRoad Patrolling with theCrownVictoria.... After parking thePatrol care here at theLodge, sometime after 013hrs I noticed that my Nissan pickup was sitting lower than normal.....I found that my pickup tires were damaged again. Earlier today (Thur 02 Oct 2003) I gave tcc VPSO director JK a...

How To Tell If You’re Still Being Stalked By theAlaskan Princess Here’s some words from theSam!! whom used to work for thePrincess and unfortunately is still being stalked by herHighness. 1. You still think Positively and still surround yourself by others who think the same! $10 left in theBank account and you’re weak from hunger but theSmackDown Girls are in town?? Where do I buy tickets? Can I get a ride to theClub?! Dudes, I know a way to get in theBack door and crawl through the false ceilings to get into their dressing rooms. 2. You avoid the trap of demanding too much of yourself and instead always demand Too Much for Yourself. Besides, nothing was too good or ever enough for thePrincess clients. Why shouldn’t her ex-employees benefit too? Order the 5000Channel Satellite tv package, Get Biggie sizes for Pop, Fries and the 4 for a dollar apple pies at McDees, and insist that your friends always address you as theGuardMeister when they speak of you. 3. You always get help...

Now That’s What I Call Music?? Liquid Volume 200Proof It’s a Village 1970’s Music Explosion!! -“I’mmmmm, I’m hooked on a feeling!!! (wait,, it’s just Granma’s cane hooking onto my elbow. Never mind No Granma don‘t Beat me Again!!!) -“Sammy, Don’t be a hero... Don’t be a fool with your Life!” (it’s just another Gun Call, you‘re exhausted. Sleep and we‘ll wake you up two hours AFTERWARDS like that one House fire call) -“Knock 3 times on my Shoulder if you want me-out of the House!! Hit Twice with a Pipe, If you want me to go” (go on Granma.. you know you want to protect your Granson) Smack!! Mavis and his Guitar wrote theBook with this song. -“Fishy fishy, don’t get hooked on Me.... I’ll just catch you then I’ll set you free,” (or else I’ll just go buy a Microwave fish sticks meal at theGeneral store....AGAIN) Patrol theVillage listening to these Favorites!! -“It’s got to be theMorning After, if we can remain Inebriate through theNight It’s got to be an Import after, I’m Inebriate and...