More Thanksgiving Tom foolery from theVillage!!
Last Nov
I wrote about theTurkey shoot we had in theVillage and the resulting chaos we had during the festivities.
You were there
when theTurkeys in theTruck broke out and made their bid for freedom as they ran away. We still haven't found the last 2 missing Villagers among theMany that dove into the deep snow banks-running Not from theTurkeys-but from Granma as she innocently waved around her loaded shotgun.
It was a misfire or something, wouldn't fire for her and she turned around asking for help with theFire arm and literally "covered" everyone half a dozen times.
You were there
when theCurrent CPO / community police officer was theOnly safe person in theVillage as he slipped into thePatrol vehicle and after donning his spit-hood, seatbelts and other restraints-Closed his eyes and hung on as his vehicle was rocked and battered not only from theTurkeys running amok, but also from theDamage as thePanicky Villagers fled theScene after a mini demolition derby trying to desparately escape theCarnage that was: our Village Turkey Shoot!
Our beloved
CPO has moved on since then, it wasn't until before Christmas that he finally was brave enough to step out of his battered Patrol vehicle. He lived in there AALL month and survived on his food & water rations and listened to theRadio.
(hey!! us Officers can live anywhere!!)
And of course
you'll be glad to know that our Village Beauty, theOne that had first shot at theTurkey and ended up Chipping her $100 nails, threw down her gun and sprinted down theRoad to her friends for comfort, she's fine now.
Has gone through extensive Counseling and Therapy for Emotional trauma and pain & suffering from events caused from thatOne day in theVillage. Plus she returned to theCommunity Tribal Hall just in time to eat Pizza, as we Villagers had given up on ever shooting Tom Turkey and his buddies so we ended up ordering Out and eating IN!!
Darn women
and their comfort foods, oh well. At least that FOOD habit of theirs keeps them Nice and Round!! Which is theWay that most of our Gorgeous Village Women are anyway, bless their clogging arterys everyone!!
See what you're Missing!!?? if you aren't living with US here in theVillage!?
This year everyone's chipping in for a Booze run into theCity and ordering Pizza, Hoagies and Chinese takeout for 2006 Thanksgiving.
Every night
since last Thanksgiving theWoods around theVillage have been alive with the occasional angry "gobble-gobble-gobble".
Caribou don't run through our Village no more and a few Brown bears have been sighted and later on-Found dead, apparently "Pecked" and "kicked" to death by birds or animals with tiny clawed feet. We're not sure though, even some of our Toughest Village Granma's won't venture out into theWoods alone running their sled dog teams, importing alcohol etc.
This year
most of theVillages within theYVC Inc Region sent their best Hot Air balloon designs into theYVC Inc (doh!!) offices and we had an anonymous test panel do taste testing, burn testing, even hydrostatic testing and finished with theVaunted "Village" test - to see if each Balloon could withstand harsh rigorous environs of Village Life.
YVC Inc (doh!!)
is pleased to say that thePairOfPants sent in by one Village's VPSO was among theTop 5 Balloon finalists. theSam!! had a spare pair of Brown BDU's hanging around and so on a lark he sent them in.
Since theSam!! has pretty much been IN theWater swimming with theVillage kids until Oct (his first year in theVillage-and he passed theResulting mental evaluation of why in theHeck he was still swimming in theRiver) and has been seen at theDump burning trash or seen dashing into House fires, being shot at, spat upon, beaten by Villagers etc.
In short, just being Loved and Welcomed by one and ALL villagers!! into theFamily.
His pants had already been tested most vigorously. In fact, they not only were Sent IN, those trousers drove themselves into theCity enroute to theStateTroops office first with a few Prisoners to drop off before turning themselves in (with accompanying pair of BDU tops) at our City Offices.
After many cycles
through theLaundry facilities we can't wash out those Skidmarks though!! But at very least, such things add "character" to thePants, at least that's what theSam!!'s statements quipped via Fax machine.
Darn VPSO's are literally theBanks at times in Villages and most of them just literally LIVE IN their clothes, you'd think they'd do laundry more.
This year theVillagers of our Region will see if any of their Hot Air Balloons that they shipped Outside to be participants in theMacy's Day Parade will be on tv.
We know that a few of our AlaskanPrincess' will be down there representing AK and most likely their Tourist gouging Chain of Lodges, resorts, Hotels.
One beloved Princess has been hitting theTanning beds a lot lately. Those new SolarRay stand up Helix Coil units sure are powerful, one time an AlaskanPrincess guest stepped into a TanUnit to Bake and in 10mins there was nothing but Ashes left!!
Sleeping Lady swears by those SR Helix units though and she should know, all she does is pretty much sleep most of theDay.
We'll report news and events as they happen to theVillage!! and hope that your eyes won't bleed after you read.
Happy Thanksgiving 2006 everyone and remember to Keep It Real!!
YVC Inc (doh!!) Admin, Staff, parking valets, and associates.
YVC Inc, Tara "clumped Mascara" White, HR, Copy, Editor, Graphix,
YVC Inc, Chelsea Stalker, YVC Inc (doh!!) Correspondent, Respondent, Plaintiff / Defendant and her Own Attorney!!
and yes,,, theSam!! too.
theFollowing humor was sent to me via Email, I thought that it would be appropriate to Blog due to theUpcoming Thanksgiving Day to celebrate theEarly Colonists feasting with their friendly neighbors those darn Indians!!
Oh.. wait.. I AM one of those people. My bad.
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ....... "HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake m e at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
New Words not found in Indian dictionaries... but should be:
Commodify (kah MOD if eye): uncanny ability of Indian women to convert the ingredients of any standard cookbook recipe to commodity ingredients such as powered milk, powered eggs and canned meat.
Councilmenopause (cown sil MEN oh paws): a disorder characterized by hot flashes, profuse sweating impairment of speech and loss of memory; normally occurs only to tribal councilmen when cornered by a constituent.
Triballistic (tribal ISS tik): to become irrational and incoherent upon hearing the latest self-serving, short-sighted and illogical decision made by the local tribal council.
Snaggravated (SNAG ra vayt ed): the annoying feeling one gets upon realizing that last night's snag isn't quite as hot in the light of day.
Disunderstanding (DISS under stand ing): when non-Indians think that they understand why tribes and individual Indians are the way they are, but attribute any and all behavior to the culture or the race.
Moccashoe (Mock ah shoe): contemporary dancer footwear designed by beading the top of tennis shoes or aquasocks instead of making moccasins the old fashion way.
Skinship (SKIN ship): the eventual relative connection that all Indian people, discover within 10 minutes of meeting each other.
Vis a cheese (VEES ah cheez): mode of exchange in which a block of commidity cheese can purhase other goods or services.
Indinferior (IN din FEER ee your): a manifestation of self oppression; the practice of Indians looking down on other Indians for either not speaking the language or not being full blood or not participating in ceremonies or not living on the rez or not wearing braids or not dancing in powwows or not having ,etc. etc...blah blah.
BIease (BEE EYE eez): an affliction within the Bureau of Indian Affairs characterized by the inability to keep track of millions of dollars.
Rezercize (REZ er size): the involuntary health regime of walking everywhere on the rez since your Indian car broke down for good.
Fordrum (FORD drum): the instrument used for singing purposes when a regular drum is not available; usually the dented hood of a one eyed Ford.
PowWowVow (pow wow vow): the standard pledge of the powwow Romeo: "Sure, baby, I'll meet you at the next pow wow. You're the only jingle dress dancer for me. Really! Look at this face. Would I lie?"
Frybreadth (FRY bredth): a unit of measurement based on the standard size of a piece of auntie's frybread.
AlterNative (alter NAY TIV): an individual who was born and raised in the non Indian culture but recently "discovered" a "hidden" Indian ancestor so now uses pithy Indian phrases, assumes a name such as Laughing Rainbow, White Blossom, or Dreams of Eagles, calls all Indian people Brother and Sister and wears genuine Hong Kong beadwork; usually found in the East and West coast region but had documented sighting in other regions as well.
I wrote about theTurkey shoot we had in theVillage and the resulting chaos we had during the festivities.
You were there
when theTurkeys in theTruck broke out and made their bid for freedom as they ran away. We still haven't found the last 2 missing Villagers among theMany that dove into the deep snow banks-running Not from theTurkeys-but from Granma as she innocently waved around her loaded shotgun.
It was a misfire or something, wouldn't fire for her and she turned around asking for help with theFire arm and literally "covered" everyone half a dozen times.
You were there
when theCurrent CPO / community police officer was theOnly safe person in theVillage as he slipped into thePatrol vehicle and after donning his spit-hood, seatbelts and other restraints-Closed his eyes and hung on as his vehicle was rocked and battered not only from theTurkeys running amok, but also from theDamage as thePanicky Villagers fled theScene after a mini demolition derby trying to desparately escape theCarnage that was: our Village Turkey Shoot!
Our beloved
CPO has moved on since then, it wasn't until before Christmas that he finally was brave enough to step out of his battered Patrol vehicle. He lived in there AALL month and survived on his food & water rations and listened to theRadio.
(hey!! us Officers can live anywhere!!)
And of course
you'll be glad to know that our Village Beauty, theOne that had first shot at theTurkey and ended up Chipping her $100 nails, threw down her gun and sprinted down theRoad to her friends for comfort, she's fine now.
Has gone through extensive Counseling and Therapy for Emotional trauma and pain & suffering from events caused from thatOne day in theVillage. Plus she returned to theCommunity Tribal Hall just in time to eat Pizza, as we Villagers had given up on ever shooting Tom Turkey and his buddies so we ended up ordering Out and eating IN!!
Darn women
and their comfort foods, oh well. At least that FOOD habit of theirs keeps them Nice and Round!! Which is theWay that most of our Gorgeous Village Women are anyway, bless their clogging arterys everyone!!
See what you're Missing!!?? if you aren't living with US here in theVillage!?
This year everyone's chipping in for a Booze run into theCity and ordering Pizza, Hoagies and Chinese takeout for 2006 Thanksgiving.
Every night
since last Thanksgiving theWoods around theVillage have been alive with the occasional angry "gobble-gobble-gobble".
Caribou don't run through our Village no more and a few Brown bears have been sighted and later on-Found dead, apparently "Pecked" and "kicked" to death by birds or animals with tiny clawed feet. We're not sure though, even some of our Toughest Village Granma's won't venture out into theWoods alone running their sled dog teams, importing alcohol etc.
This year
most of theVillages within theYVC Inc Region sent their best Hot Air balloon designs into theYVC Inc (doh!!) offices and we had an anonymous test panel do taste testing, burn testing, even hydrostatic testing and finished with theVaunted "Village" test - to see if each Balloon could withstand harsh rigorous environs of Village Life.
YVC Inc (doh!!)
is pleased to say that thePairOfPants sent in by one Village's VPSO was among theTop 5 Balloon finalists. theSam!! had a spare pair of Brown BDU's hanging around and so on a lark he sent them in.
Since theSam!! has pretty much been IN theWater swimming with theVillage kids until Oct (his first year in theVillage-and he passed theResulting mental evaluation of why in theHeck he was still swimming in theRiver) and has been seen at theDump burning trash or seen dashing into House fires, being shot at, spat upon, beaten by Villagers etc.
In short, just being Loved and Welcomed by one and ALL villagers!! into theFamily.
His pants had already been tested most vigorously. In fact, they not only were Sent IN, those trousers drove themselves into theCity enroute to theStateTroops office first with a few Prisoners to drop off before turning themselves in (with accompanying pair of BDU tops) at our City Offices.
After many cycles
through theLaundry facilities we can't wash out those Skidmarks though!! But at very least, such things add "character" to thePants, at least that's what theSam!!'s statements quipped via Fax machine.
Darn VPSO's are literally theBanks at times in Villages and most of them just literally LIVE IN their clothes, you'd think they'd do laundry more.
This year theVillagers of our Region will see if any of their Hot Air Balloons that they shipped Outside to be participants in theMacy's Day Parade will be on tv.
We know that a few of our AlaskanPrincess' will be down there representing AK and most likely their Tourist gouging Chain of Lodges, resorts, Hotels.
One beloved Princess has been hitting theTanning beds a lot lately. Those new SolarRay stand up Helix Coil units sure are powerful, one time an AlaskanPrincess guest stepped into a TanUnit to Bake and in 10mins there was nothing but Ashes left!!
Sleeping Lady swears by those SR Helix units though and she should know, all she does is pretty much sleep most of theDay.
We'll report news and events as they happen to theVillage!! and hope that your eyes won't bleed after you read.
Happy Thanksgiving 2006 everyone and remember to Keep It Real!!
YVC Inc (doh!!) Admin, Staff, parking valets, and associates.
YVC Inc, Tara "clumped Mascara" White, HR, Copy, Editor, Graphix,
YVC Inc, Chelsea Stalker, YVC Inc (doh!!) Correspondent, Respondent, Plaintiff / Defendant and her Own Attorney!!
and yes,,, theSam!! too.
theFollowing humor was sent to me via Email, I thought that it would be appropriate to Blog due to theUpcoming Thanksgiving Day to celebrate theEarly Colonists feasting with their friendly neighbors those darn Indians!!
Oh.. wait.. I AM one of those people. My bad.
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ....... "HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake m e at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
New Words not found in Indian dictionaries... but should be:
Commodify (kah MOD if eye): uncanny ability of Indian women to convert the ingredients of any standard cookbook recipe to commodity ingredients such as powered milk, powered eggs and canned meat.
Councilmenopause (cown sil MEN oh paws): a disorder characterized by hot flashes, profuse sweating impairment of speech and loss of memory; normally occurs only to tribal councilmen when cornered by a constituent.
Triballistic (tribal ISS tik): to become irrational and incoherent upon hearing the latest self-serving, short-sighted and illogical decision made by the local tribal council.
Snaggravated (SNAG ra vayt ed): the annoying feeling one gets upon realizing that last night's snag isn't quite as hot in the light of day.
Disunderstanding (DISS under stand ing): when non-Indians think that they understand why tribes and individual Indians are the way they are, but attribute any and all behavior to the culture or the race.
Moccashoe (Mock ah shoe): contemporary dancer footwear designed by beading the top of tennis shoes or aquasocks instead of making moccasins the old fashion way.
Skinship (SKIN ship): the eventual relative connection that all Indian people, discover within 10 minutes of meeting each other.
Vis a cheese (VEES ah cheez): mode of exchange in which a block of commidity cheese can purhase other goods or services.
Indinferior (IN din FEER ee your): a manifestation of self oppression; the practice of Indians looking down on other Indians for either not speaking the language or not being full blood or not participating in ceremonies or not living on the rez or not wearing braids or not dancing in powwows or not having ,etc. etc...blah blah.
BIease (BEE EYE eez): an affliction within the Bureau of Indian Affairs characterized by the inability to keep track of millions of dollars.
Rezercize (REZ er size): the involuntary health regime of walking everywhere on the rez since your Indian car broke down for good.
Fordrum (FORD drum): the instrument used for singing purposes when a regular drum is not available; usually the dented hood of a one eyed Ford.
PowWowVow (pow wow vow): the standard pledge of the powwow Romeo: "Sure, baby, I'll meet you at the next pow wow. You're the only jingle dress dancer for me. Really! Look at this face. Would I lie?"
Frybreadth (FRY bredth): a unit of measurement based on the standard size of a piece of auntie's frybread.
AlterNative (alter NAY TIV): an individual who was born and raised in the non Indian culture but recently "discovered" a "hidden" Indian ancestor so now uses pithy Indian phrases, assumes a name such as Laughing Rainbow, White Blossom, or Dreams of Eagles, calls all Indian people Brother and Sister and wears genuine Hong Kong beadwork; usually found in the East and West coast region but had documented sighting in other regions as well.
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