More Drinking Songs From theVillage!!
Now That’s What I Call Music?? Liquid Volume 200Proof
It’s a Village 1970’s Music Explosion!!
-“I’mmmmm, I’m hooked on a feeling!!!
(wait,, it’s just Granma’s cane hooking onto my elbow. Never mind
No Granma don‘t Beat me Again!!!)
-“Sammy, Don’t be a hero... Don’t be a fool with your Life!”
(it’s just another Gun Call, you‘re exhausted.
Sleep and we‘ll wake you up two hours AFTERWARDS like that one House fire call)
-“Knock 3 times on my Shoulder if you want me-out of the House!!
Hit Twice with a Pipe, If you want me to go”
(go on Granma.. you know you want to protect your Granson)
Smack!! Mavis and his Guitar wrote theBook with this song.-“Fishy fishy, don’t get hooked on Me.... I’ll just catch you then I’ll set you free,”
(or else I’ll just go buy a Microwave fish sticks meal at theGeneral store....AGAIN)
Patrol theVillage listening to these Favorites!!
-“It’s got to be theMorning After, if we can remain Inebriate through theNight
It’s got to be an Import after, I’m Inebriate and my Native skin is Cadaver white!!”
-“Love Grows where ever I go, including her Bellyy....
(and that of every Village hottie two months after you arrive!!)
-“Stop, you’ve blown it all sky high!! Without a reason.
Why?!! You’ve blown it all sky high!!!
(*sigh*, another Village leader crying Foul over Investigations of their Kidz
Claiming that the Axe to the head Assault was just an apparent Drink misunderstanding)
Sonny Who Shares and his Sister Turns-Back-Time belt this Tune out for you!
-“Undies, Pants and Sleeves!!!”
(Where theGirls hide their Alcohol and Drugs)
the People would hear his Tools jingle and they’d Code-Word-Call us!!
Undies, Pants and Sleeves!!
And every night theSpot Light would come around,
On our faces, lay theDrugs and Money down!!!
Undies, Pants and Sleeves!!”
And Twig, theAnerexic 4th grader squeaks out this for us.
-“I’ve got a brand new pair of sunglasses, You’ve got all theWhiskey.
Oh we‘ve been sneaking arounnnd.
I‘ve got a brand new pair of boots, You’ve got his spare Car keys....!”
(after theVPSO’s car was broken into and the confiscated alcohol stolen before he could dispose of it)
the Songster Duo, ‘Captured into Kneel’ deliver this powerful revelation.
-“Cuffs!!, Cuffs will keep us together, Handcuffed till Whenever”
(Basically when you finally catch this couple, Nothing Less than a Felony stop will do!!)
A Woman from theOutside moved to theVillage and wrote this song.
-“That’s theNight that theBooze went out to Village.
That’s theNight they jailed an Inebriate man.
Don’t ever trust Village safety to some backwoods Cop Rookie,
Cos our Officer’s got crumbs and pop stains on his hands!”
After pushing and shoving, to no Avail, theCouncil would wring hands and scream.
-“lil lil Sammy won’t go home, But you can’t push lil Sam around.
oh No!!!, why won‘t anybody make lil‘ Sam go home!?“
How About This Doo Run Doo runn Doo Doo Dootsie Run Run!!?
-“Had, HHAADD. Nuff, NNUUFF!!. The man was born to lie.
The Council‘s gonna grill him and VPO”
“had!! HHAADD. nuff!! NNUUFF!!, they sit back and smile.
Someone’s gonna get such an evil child.”
Everybody Plays theFool
and theSam!! just is....
And speaking of Children!! Written by an Anonymous Officer.
-“a child arrived just the Other day, came to theVillage in the usual way.
(and the month before, and next month, and 3, 6 and 8 months from now too)
But there were criminals to catch, and dogs to shoot, Tongues wag when I walk away......
And he was importing before I knew it, and as he grew he said.
“I’m never gonna be like you Dad, I’m never gonna be like you.”
“got his Hands in theCradle and a Snuggle spoon, Another lil boy blue by the 9th moon.
her Boyfriend still in Prison and while he’s gone, we’re gonna have a Great Time yeah!!
She‘s gonna all my money spend!!“
“2nd Wife turned 10 just theOther day, modeled a nightie, ‘come on let’s Play’
So we played dolls and Jax, and dress up too. Our marriage was over when she threw her shoes,
She was smoking before I knew it, she exhaled and said. “I’m never gonna be like you Sam, I’m never ever gonna like you”
and as she hung up the Phone it occurred to me, She’d grown up Bigger than me, My wife was bigger than me!!”
“Got his foot in theGrave, eats with a wooden spoon. Another cute girl born by the next 9th Moon.
Competition jailed and in Prison and while They’re gone, We’re gonna have a good time then.
You’re gonna have a good time.....Spe nd!!”
And a Young Snuggle Bunny pleads her case
-“I’m not talking about moving in. And I don’t wanna change your life....
(I’m pregnant!)
But my Dad is throwing my Mom around....
And I’d really love to Patrol with you tooonight!
And everybody’s favorite.
-“She ran claimed Welfare... Signed up for Welfare.....
On Welfare...”
(and the next month she milked WIC fundz for every penny and then theCouncil General Fund!!)
How about this Dance Favorite from VeePee and the S O Band!!-“shake-shake-shake, Shake-shake-shake!!
Shake your OC!! Shake yor OC (spray)
(back up singers with hands to face, Over eyes,
“Boo hoo HOOO oooo hooo ooo Hoo hooo”
Repeat backup chorus and segue into theNext Village hit single)
-“You scream you shout, uh huh, uh huh
I Write it, Uh huh ,uh huh!
Print it up, Fax it out.
I write it, Uh huh, uh huh!
Use my pen, tell what you do,
I write it, uh huh, uh huh.
You scream and shout, Uh huh, uh huh.
I Write it, Uh huh, uh huh!
When he takes you by the hair, And you say it turns you on.
When you give him all your dope, then he gives you his back hand!!!”
(what kind of life is that with your boyfriend??)
“Aghh, that’s the way uh huh, uh huh
I type it. uh huh, uh huh.
Cam cord and tape you then
I write it, uh huh, uh huh!!!”
And who can forget this Tear jerker?-“good bye my Village it’s hard to cry, when all this blood stings my eyes.
and now my Freedoms dead and friends all gone.
What am I doing under this tree, with twisted ankle and skinned knees
and now my Granma yells, still I don’t know why everyone’s bugging me.
I had joy I had fun, I had shootings with my gun,
but His Nasal voice would whine-Your Fun Seasons Out Of Time.
All my friends we had fun we were passed out under Sun,
but the haze is now gone and theSam!! took our Bong.”
And this funsy dance favorite, Animated from our DV dance crew of 5 of theBatteredest Females around.
(these Hot girls invented theVillage Macarona!!, hit them and they‘ll add ketchup to their gyrations and slobber cheesy too)
-You just put Hands out-pleading to keep away.
Then you Cover your head-as if to protect your face.
Grab your gut-like you’ve been Boyfriend punched.
Arms out suddenly-like you’ve been kidney kicked from behind.
Then arms up to your head-like you’ve been hair grabbed.
(Repeat DV sequence 4x and in-Real-Life Repeat 3x monthly)
And don’t forget to Mime and Mimic pained, horror expressions
as you jerk-Dance to your favorite heavy metal tunes like
Suicide I will, Hate Life, and Black-n-VillageBlue
And who could forget this High Caliber (.45 single) from the Older women’s group of VillageBattered People?
-its fun to laugh at the V - P - S - O,
its fun to laugh at the V - P - S - O
You can Throw some eggs, you can Bare your Bod, you can Accuse whatever you feel.
And still more 1970’s Domestic Dance Fun
-You spray me then I’m dancing!! You Taze me then I’m dancing!! Prance theNight away!
Act Up Now!! These Domestic Hits are getting harder and harder to find,
just like a $500, $1000 or even an $5000 arrest Warrant in your Village!!
Here’s a Tip!! Next time you get invited to a childs birthday party just look behind theCouch and you’ll find that Criminal you’ve been searching for all month.
The Day theAlcohol Shipment Died
-Bye bye that VPSO guy, stole his Chevy drove his Bevy (of Girls)
ate his Ham and rye.
Them big ol’ Gunz were spitting 9’s and 45’s
Have you ever seen Grown Village Men cry?
Screaming and shouting, Why?!!
His girls got Mad then his balls turned Blue.
And he begged them for some Happy news.
She just smiled and skipped away.
And he went down to theGeneral Store,
where he’d bought an ice cream sandwich days before
But theClerk said the Prices had goonnee UP.
and into theVillage Alcohol streamed.
His pants were pressed, his uniform creases steamed
But not from his girlfriends a word was spoken.
His juvie kids all were Token.
and the three Villagers he arrested Most.
At theVillage End!! grillin’ ham and toast, (after they Broke In)
then caught the Last plane for AFN
theDay........... theAlcohol shipment.....died.
and they were singing.
my, my that big Officer guy.
Steal his Chevy, turn his Bevy (against him)
Eat his ham and rye.
Them big ol’ gunz were spittin’ 9’s and 45’s
Singing this’ll be theDay his Career......Dies.
And here’s one from an Officer himself!!
-Undercover Angel, Midnight my Lodge room,
I never had the time to fertilize that womb.
(darn village acted up when they knew I was Ready)
A NoValidOperator Licensee had this to Croon
-Sometimes when he touch!! (My Idling Car when I‘m Passed out behind theWheel)
Take my foot off theClutch.
then I have to Wet Myself and hide.
I wanna Curse him till I die.
Till his Truck breaks down, he cries.
And I have to Wet myself and hide.
At times we’re both like Drifters,
(or at least either one of us ends up in a Drift after the 11mile car chase)
Can I borrow the Tow strap again?
My brothers and my sisters,
but then the Blisters flare again!!
At times I want to break In,
My daughters on her knees.,
at times I wanna scold him and then ask for more Money.
So I can drink, wet myself and Hide.
Sometimes when we touch (he almost catches me but I still outrun him!!)
the dishonesty’s too much.
and I have to strip for him,
Gape real wide
I wanna keep on shifting,
till the Noise from the Gears and the Tranny,
subsides!!!!
And to all theTeen-Age Trauma Queens that think they’re theHottest stuff in theRegion
-Your so Pained, you probably think theEntire report is about YOU!! Your so pained.
You think everything is about you don’t you don’t you??
And yet another Lively Melody
-Like a Deadbeat, hiding out in theVillage for theUmpteenth time!!
(oh wait.. that’s theNext decade. We’ll advertise the 1980’s music in another few months..... My Bad...)
I love this music collection.
-It’s got OC spray in-your-face Dance moves,
(ssssssstttttttttt, “aauuhhggg My eyes! I can’t SEE!!)
It’s got spastic Tazer hip hop
(Wooops, wrong decade again. That’s for our 1990’s Village Hip-Hop Fest,
When we all lose our cultural awareness and think we’re Black, Oppressed and Angry!)
Here’s One from Lyin‘ & Bitchy!
-Hit Once, Twice. Three times then Tazer......
then I sue... you!
You Hit Once, Twice, Thrreee times Vision haazzy.
then I love ... you! I haate you...
(Oh no.... One decade too soon and not until theNext Pay check arrives!! sorry)
And for those of You Who Don’t know Me by Now
-If you don’t arrest me by now!!! You will never ever get Flashed by me!!
If you don’t arrest my Dad by now..... You will never ever ever get a hug and wink from my Mom
If you don’t throw me out of my house, By now!! You will never get an angry letter from me.
(wrong decade again and besides.... this is a Romantic slow song. sorry)
-Re Unitee and it tastes so Good?? No?
-Champagned kisses and Sheefish dreams?? Oh that’s right. Only theCouncil Kidz drink Champagne.
Besides, that’s the Soundtrack to “LifeStyles of theVillaged Famous
-One in a Million!!! Chance in your Lifetime!!! to prosecute my daughter and Son send them to jail!
-Isn’t this Village a Crazy place??, Just when I thought your car had passed, You go and kick my Daddy’s ass!!
How about,
-Here and Now!!! I promise to prosecute you to Poverty? No? ok.
my two Interns, Natalee Cold and Patme Well are getting that distant look in their eyes. What I call theThousand Liter Stare.
I think they’re going to drive my truck into the Next village and Import more alcohol again.
I hate impounding my own Vehicle!! On the other hand,
I’m in the best shape of my life from WALKING all over the damn village.
Order This 1970’s Collection Today!!
It’s got more vocables than a Tazed and Sprayed Villager who’s high on Meth.
So order Now!!
Get your Hands up!!! I said Turn around!!
(woops, Flashback to theAcademy “Felony Arrest procedure training days” sorry once again)
Here’s some Village Country Teazers from theUpcoming Regional Country album
Urban Village!!
-“Take theRibbon from my Hair, shake it loose and let it fall,
Take the shoe strings off my feet, so I won’t hang myself in your jail.
Help my Kids Bake It through theNight!!
(since You arrested me when I was cooking for the Village Celebration PotLatch!!)
-Silver Rings!!! and one tiny little Key to hold my hands.....
(sung by Drunks Teorge and Gammy Wine Ate
-they Stopped Feeding Him the Day, he placed cuffs upon their Grandaughter!!
Charley & JackDaniels Band sung this ‘un.
-The Troopers went down to theVillage, they were looking for Prisoners to steal
they were in a Bind, way behind and willing to make a Plea deal.
When they came upon two Officers wailing on some Villagers and Inebriates too.
The Cops jumped on a Spruce stump and said, Guys, tell you what.
Now you give good Baton but give us fellow Lawmen our due,
We’ll bet a box of Tazer leads with monofilment Copper and Gold
if we can swing harder than you.
One Officer intoned Nasally, My name’s theSam!! and It might be a Sin.
But I’ll take your bet, you’re gonna regret cos I swing Hardest with 31 Inch.
Kenny “theCharge” Dodges croons this Love Song
-And she still Pleads with me.
to not go on Drinking everyday!!!
I know importing here just isn’t right, most every night.
With my little hatchback, yes I was wrong.
But Cop just shadows me,
Takes away my booze at mile 23
Who knows, maybe if I plan just right,
I’ll be out of sight, with my little hatchback,
yes Officer, my breath is strong.
In his truck the cop sits sleeping,
I stumble to theKitchen
get in a domestic fight,
then my woman goes running into theNight
the cop returns to say,
DV’s not alright, the Troopers fly you out tomorrow at 2!
And she still pleads with me!
theLegals have this to say about Village Life!!
-“theVillage girls just seem to find out early. How to send their Men Into town.
A rich Officer says she won’t be Home early, She’ll dress in Dental floss and Crawl around
Late at night, theBig old Village gets lonely. I guess monthly dividend checks just came in....
and it breaks her Parole when she leaves Village boundaries, Arrested by her man most people call...theSam!!
You can’t hide your Glassy Eyes. and your smile is red and really wide!!!!
(have you been putting lipstick on AFTER drinking?!! darn girl friends)
she thought by now I’d realize. Village road is bumpy, paints her Raccoon eyes.
She sneaks out, Imports herself some Strong ones, and stares down at the bruises on her thighs.
she gets tired, then she gets really Moody, she wakes her man Errands him out to Drive
3 hours one way for ice cream and a jar of pickles!! Her comfort Friends whenever she’s feeling down.
But he knows where She’s going as he’s leaving, she’s headed for the Inebriate side of town.
My oh my, ya’ sure know how to arrange things Said it so well. so carefully. (as she dramas and makes a scene)
Ain’t it funny how your Village Life didn’t change things. Except the Diapers of the kids bouncing on your knees.
You can’t hide Your Glassy eyes, and your smile is really Wide!! (here’s some make up remover)
Thought by now you’d realize. Bumpy Village road but I’m not driving anymore for you Raccoon eyes.
On the other side of theVillage a Keg is waiting, With tumblers and bar stools so she won’t have to kneel.
she runs through the Woods anticipating, Cos drinking makes her feel theBuzz she used to feel.
She guzzles, lifts arms, goes on a bender, her girlfriends know it’s only for awhile.
She swears that soon she’ll be coming back forever. she downs a Pitcher and leaves them with a smile.
You can’t hide your Glassy Eyes, and that scary smile is still there, Really wide.(You look like a clown)
Thought by now you’d realize. There ain’t no way I’m driving for You anymore, Raccoon eyes.
(you look like Alice Cooper when your mascara runs, quit crying!!)
Honey, please wipe those Raccoon Eyes.
Honey, please take out those Scary Goth Contac eyes!!!
(Oh alright... but give me some $, remember?? You’ve got it all.)
I’m theSam!! and I approve thePreceding Massage!!
THE PRINCESS DIARIES part Doh!!
45.9, theSmell of Tater tots!!
Here’s a Brief rundown on theCurrent happenings of our Beloved AlaskanPrincess!
-theCopperRiver AlaskanPrincess,
at a spry 800yrs, she’s 2nd youngest and could pass for a 14 yr old! This Princess still keeps limber on her Brass Pole and spends hours and hours practicing Kissing herself on her Mirrored Dance Stage.
She’s finally grown her hair out again and stopped wearing Boots. She traded in her Pickup for something more feminine looking like a new Hummer H2 with the Novelty steel scrote dangling off theTow hitch.
She’s theModel behind theBluehead princess logos. Has now expanded her modeling career into new frontiers by hiring out various body parts to be cast into Life size anatomically correct eh.. Prosthetics devices!!
Still reeling from the 2004 and 2005 Lawsuits of the family members of theVictims from the Sky Dive over CopperCenter jump-Package. At least look at the bright side of things, the Fishing Spots where the Victims “burned in” have seen a jump in monster King Salmon runs during the 2006 fishing season for theLodge Guests.
Our Princess can often be seen visiting Anchorage and has even been known to engage theSam!! in heated, angry Email exchanges regarding his liberal use of seasoning on every order of curly fries, potato wedges and cheese wraps that he gets from fast food joints.
As if his shared insight into various Peer group dynamics and some of theTrysts after work hours wasn’t enough to argue about with thePrincess back when theSam!! was there.
Hey, call it a draw and Lez just be friends!!
-theKenaiRiver Alaskan Princess,
1800yrs, 5th oldest and no wrinkles on her forehead!! thanks to Botux and Seaweed Facials. That and her hair so tightly pulled back it holds her face in place, but what the hey, anything that works.
This cute-only Princess is currently recovering from Belly button Breast Implant surgery (Again). And just in time for Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade!! When you look for her on the Nationally televised event, she’ll be the one with the 8-story Apt sized balloons under her blouse.
Her recovery time was so short she awoke from surgery she hopped off the Hospital bed to resume last minute Combat fishing with her end of Sep Lodge guests. She was too sedated to hear comments of her not being dressed, but what the hey!! When you look as good as her, who cares?! A distracted Lodge Guest from Arizona accidently snagged her nipple with a Jiggy Rebel 1/4” Spinner and thePrincess was totally hooked, Line and sinker!
(theSam!! will be tethered 3 Rootbeer Floats behind theKenaiRiver Alaskan Princess in the Upcoming Thanksgiving Day parade. Just look for theBlinding Camera flashes as he takes pics of every cute girl in sight. Lets just hope that he‘ll be appropriately attired!! He‘s to busy gathering “Bead necklaces“ to take with him when he flies back east, We don‘t have the heart to break his excitement and tell him that the Beads are for a Different kind of celebration, and much further south, like New Orleans!!)
-theBrooksRange Alaskan Princess,
Some of her grandkids call her Auntie B and the really bad grand kids scream in their sleep “No Auntie M!!” She’s theOldest of theAlaskan Girls at 2000yrs and she looks not a day past......... 40!
May the Only Middle Age Spread be the generous heaps of ‘I Cant Beleive Its Not Butter’ upon her Salt Crackers and not upon her liposuctioned Hips, Buttocks and Thighs
to celebrate theGrand Opening of theNorthern Brooks Lodge her “Free Hugs” campaign backfires as she gets groped by her Own Staff members!! theNext 3 months are to be tied up in arraignments and court proceedings. Just look at it as an end of year Employee blow-Out special!! all over her tummy and ample bosoms.
All fondlings aside, theNewest Lodge helmed by the most experienced of theAlaskan Princess sisterhood does look good on a resume, which would explain her recent sign ups to theAK state Job AlexSys website! She awaits word of Casual Holiday work for theUS Postal Service or else for theAnchorage ParaTransit bus driver position.
She spends her off-duty time trying to refute theTheory of Relativity, as when she stepped into theYolk of Lodge leadership, ALL of her relations crawled out of the Woodworks looking for easy jobs and ea$y money. They were quickly repelled by a dirty 4 letter word, W-O-R-K!!
-theDenali Alaskan Princess,
4th oldest Hottie at 1600yrs and she still can‘t get her Drivers License! She‘s currently fighting with theState and with DMV after repeated denials from them even after she came up with Bureau of Indian Affairs CDIB cards / certificate degree of Indian Blood quantum proof, and found her old Costco ID card along with her CARRS Safeway key pass cards.
They say she’s underage and she says that theNext time she blows a Fault Line she’s taking all DMV offices in theState Down, down DDOOWWNN into theAbyss!! As many of you know that she had a bad hair day in 2003 when all of North America felt the earthquake.
theOriginal “Girlvert” of the bunch as she has taken IMing, WebCams and her monthly Waxed-Highbush Blackberry device to Newd Extremes.
After visiting theVillage Clinic for her bout of “Blackberry thumbs”, thePrincess decided to make her next Salon Waxing appointment a special one and make her High Bush Blackberry into a holiday theme like “Chets Nuts roasting over an open Lodge fireplace Fire”.
Her man Chet is on the outs with thePrincess as of late and so we’ll give the girl some room to grieve as the Gun she is waving around right now has about a 2 mile range!! When she stops sobbing and crying we’ll kindly suggest getting her Highbush waxed into a nice funsy holiday Elf or a Gingerbread man.
Yet she’s looked up to by theOther gals as the Brainy one, inspite of the fact that she still thinks theHoover Administration did a hell of a lot better than theCurrent group in WA. We should know that she knows what she talks about, she’s been around longer than the rest of us!
This cute, fun loving Princess is at theHeart of theLodge wide Customer Service programs that all newly minted employees are brow-beaten into attending. She would like to say that the 2003 year rumors are true!! Mz Denali DID in fact, make an example of one young employee girl from Iowa that opted to sit outside theLodge and smoke instead of attending the mandated departmental training programs.
Poor young girl had to wear a Latex body suit for thePrincess every night of her employment that summer and often had to double as furniture or side props at theLodge Bar when conventions would stay a few days at a time. A few Lesbian employees eventually took theGirl under (heh heh heh) their wings after end of Tourist season and they all moved away to some place remote in Alaska, never to be seen again!!
-theMtMcKinley Alaskan Princess,
3rd oldest Babe at 1500yrs and she gets offended when Bars & Clubs card her for drinks and cigarettes! Gee Princess, take it easy. Consider it a compliment when that happens. Even theSam!! gets carded at Wendies and CarlsJunior. Just think of it as, that you’re so Young looking that no one believes you’re really so old!
It took 4 hours to blow out her Birthday cake candles at her recent birthday bash, but she did it all by herself. You’ll be amazed that the cake frosting washed out of her Moose skin dress, she has the photos to prove it!! this is one fun Princess - Really!! (We think that the frosting washed out so easily because by hour 3 of her blowing out her candles, thePrincess was spitting)
Never one to back down from a challenge, she’s still drinking to keep on being hung over from the 2005 summertime Employee Binge drink weekend. This gal knows how to party just like theCollege kid alcoholics that work for her each summer. In fact, her Employees party so hard, one of her kids got Mauled by a Brown bear. That one-Upped thePrincess who now makes time to strap on Running shoes and go jogging around her Lodge compound during “that time of theMonth”
Ms McKinley memorialized the 2005 Employee Bear Mauling Event in a Montage tattoo from her upper Traps down her back and gently wrapping around her hips to just barely meet below her navel. We hope she saves room on her bod for the next 30 yrs or so of her future employment as Head of theMcKinley Lodge.
-theSeaside WesternAlaskan Princess,
a pert and Perky 700yrs old and she is the Youngest of our Alaskan Princess’
And certainly the most Mischievous of theGirls.
She specializes in making her own Body piercing jewelry from sea shells, anemones and corral, as well as from the usual Ivory, whale bone, and the Spines of recent boyfriends that piss her off.
She loves long walks on theBeach, reapportioning Regional Dividend funds destined for Village govt’s to her Private Offshore accounts in theBahamas, and saving snail mail cards and letters from all her Irate Lodge Guests and Vendors!!
Her favorite Emails are from the Czech boy that spent over $10K to travel to AK and then work for only 6 weeks before he got fired from theLodge by thePrincess. Now theCzech boy sits homeless in Anchorage and sends out hate letters to thePrincess from where ever he can plug his laptop in.
“I at least hope that he has learned to Shower!!” the Seaside Princess said.
And we have two more Players up here in HHUUGGEE Alaska. The territory is so spread out just like an Alaskan Princess’ legs during bikini waxing time and way more Wild than any of thePrincessEmployees Going-Home at end of Season parties!
-Sleeping Lady,
our perpetual Lady of ZZZZ’s is way over 5000yrs old and she doesn‘t look a century past 19, In fact, she still needs an adult Co-Signer for any business Loans and for her Library loan checkouts.
We visited her in her South Anchorage Condo but our interview time with her was immediately cut short, as she started to yawn and then nodded off to what else??? SLEEP!! We then spent the next 4 hours posing her delicious 5’ 6” 160lbs frame throughout her Condo office and took pictures. She’s Hot, and a fattie!!
We first faxed her 42” DD boobs to our affiliate sponsors and then faxed her butt to the 6 Alaskan Princess Lodges.
Then we filmed a few PSA’s for theState, did a couple of MakeUp and Hair ad photo shoots for a few Day Spas in town and ended our fun by placing Sleeping Lady in an environment that she was most familiar with when waking up from sleep.
We littered her Anchorage Condo with alcohol containers, drug paraphernalia, a dead body and trash, then we called the Police!! We love her, wouldn’t want to disrespect theNative Half-breed Sleeping Lady or anything like that!!
-Mz Mt McKinley,
8000yrs old she is and her Beautiful bite is as deadly as her frigid winter Slopes. This Gal is a separate female entity, with absolutely no affiliation to the 6 AK Princess’ or to Sleeping Lady.
In fact, the 6 Alaskan Princess’ and SL are actively hunting for this old battle axe.
As she can be quite the Alaskan Diva and throw tantrums and go into hissy fits. Indeed the alleged disappearance of 2 experienced climbers upon her frigid slopes in 2005 have led many to believe that Mz McKinley threw up an intentional storm and maliciously acted to harm her two female slope climbers. Hey!!, Anything to Protect theSacred Institution of Marriage!!
So, we’ll leave this update for now as there is quite frankly, nothing new to report on Mz MM except to say that she wasn’t injured during theMidnight shift at the Liquor store after she tackled an Alcohol-Run-Out and pummeled him senseless. She’s really mean.
theSam!!
who gets more sleep without Counting Sheep!!
theSam!!
try him thawed in the Summer and Frozen in winter
theSam!!
who promises never to talk or type over your next Blog reading experience, honest!!
theSam!!
playing email “Peek-a-Boob” with a few other former Village Officers.
“whatcha doing?, “Nuttin’ - whatchoo doon?”, “Nuttin’”
theCouncilOffice!!
committed to a HUG free workplace!!!
Sexual harassment, intimidation and bullying whole heartedly embraced and permitted!!
theVillage!!
nestled comfortably under Old Man Winters soft blanket of snow...........Dutch Oven time!!!!!
*bbrraappp*
VillageChixxx!!
nestled comfortably under Influence of John E Walker and “E!”, while sitting in a substandard HUD house
that averages high temps of 50’ F and no food in the fridge or cupboards. Protect her and keep her friends from harm.
They didn’t really choose to live that way and would love to get out if they could.
MORE TALES FROM THE VILLAGE
theLodge Manager
had placed me upstairs in the spacious 2 story Lodge. Her light brown skin and happy face was reassuring to me, the New Officer in theVillage. Little did I know that she would often be the one person in the Community to lend assistance and ever after, I would respect her judgement and opinions much.
She was older than me and quite fit looking too. She wasn’t like some Native women, a body like a sack of potatos. She was a half breed-Athabascan & White. I would eventually meet her proud parents in theVillage and also a few of her blood relatives. I would be surprised much to see the stark contrast of her friendliness and charm to everyone else’s negativity.
And from the way she moved I could tell that she was a woman that had borne several children. Her infant daughter was elsewhere in theLodge sleeping in her childseat under watchful care of an Elder Granma. And her 3 children were just a few blocks away attending the little village school.
As she went
down the Hall to the supply room and then returned to give me an extra pillow, she smiled at me and turned around to exit my Lodge room. As she left I stood in my room and thought about the previous hours of arriving in theVillage. Of having arrived at the start of the Monthly Village Council meeting and of the introductions to the various Council members and Village leaders.
In meeting I was ushered to the side of the First Village chief. I shook hands with a young looking Elder man who at the time was in a wheelchair from recent knee surgery. The Village chief had a strong grip, I learned much from that second of touch. A few more people also shook my hand that day and a few other Council people didn’t even look at me.
I will not name any of these Villagers but will only refer to them each by situations and even at that. In most writings I describe I will change events and add or delete scenes. Because these people know who they are and they know their own doings with me in public and private.
Of most of these Villagers I still have the utmost respect and do consider their Elders as my own Grandparents, their men & women as my own brothers & sisters, their children as my own and in just a handful of cases, I love their dogs too - and I strongly dislike dogs.
My room
had a small walk in shower area and commode with sink. A place that I would often end up in later on in my line of work trying to wash my hands and uniform of blood and material that I had been exposed to. But such actions didn’t occur to me then as even remote possibilities, but if Walls could talk, I’d get a lifetimes lesson in what I had just signed up for as a Village Public Safety Officer
The overall look of theLodge was on par with any average City hotel. The carpeting was good and the walls were clean. The furnishings were sturdy and I was happy that the lamps worked on the nightstands. I drew the curtains of my window aside and peeked out over the North side of theVillage.
A new pickup truck slowly drove by theLodge thumping bass music and slowly pulled over to the side of the Ice covered street and disgorged a few young Native men. I watched them slip into a Log house and before they stepped inside, they glanced towards theLodge as if they knew of my presence in theVillage. Little did I know that I would meet this group of drunken Revelers before night fall in this same house.
Down theHall
at the opposite end of theLodge were Village Council offices and in between us was the Communal Mens and Womens bathroom / shower rooms. It was that dividing line that I first became aware of my first few days in theLodge.
In the days, weeks and months after my arrival to theVillage, someone would approach my way and then turn into one of the restrooms.
But occasionally, one Villager would cross that Line and approach my room or approach me for what ever reason-at-that-time and as more and more Villagers and I got closer and more familiar with each other. We realized that two different Worlds were meeting and interacting.
It was their Native Culture and my own Lakota Culture that shook hands across Generations and across Centuries of isolation. I knew that I was not a stranger in a strange land as it were. It was this tough unbreakable Native Alaskan culture that knew survival off the land and also knew of Whiteman’s exploitation and attempted destruction of their Native peoples that strengthened me when I needed it most.
And it was my own Lakota Culture, a proud society of Warriors fresh from recent centuries of strife with White invaders alike that did reach out and protect the people of that Village where I was assigned to work and Live. The interactions I had with theVillage would mirror our roles for each other. They did provide for me, socialize with me and I did protect them. At times I would be out of favor with theVillage but my lifetime of experiences had built me up to anticipate and expect such things.
To Anyone
that will listen to me, It’s the little things that stand out most when you first get placed into any situation. When business gets serious and potentially life threatening, pay attention to what you first observed with People and Events, for that is the way things truly are.
Hindsight is 20-20, but if you listen to me. You’ll already know the future of things when you too first arrive at some destination, or when you first meet someone.
I had a few moments to walk down theStairs from my room and go into the Dining room / Kitchen area of theLodge. I had just arrived at the tail end of the School lunch hours and the daily Elders Nutrition luncheons. A tall Ponytailed man with fierce looking eyes gestured to me from behind the Kitchen counter grill. Soon I was eating soup and homemade dinner rolls.
The Native ponytailed man and his Native wife were theLodge Cooks and for that first year of my time in theVillage I did make it a point to eat lunch with theElders, as I couldn’t eat with theSchool age children. When I would help escort the lively Kintergarten class To and From lunchtime at theVillage Lodge I had no time to eat and watch such energetic kids.
Everyone has
a specialty in life and theCooks made great breads and sweet pastrys too. During some High end dinner parties you know that dinner rolls, butter and water are served first and that frosting added to pastries helps sweeten the deal.
In my friendly moods and daily interactions I noticed theCooks and of their roles to the rest of theVillage. I would often wonder why my attentions were often drawn to these Cooks that first Spring that I was in theVillage, but I knew that my questions would be addressed eventually.
During my first week in Village I heard a few older men talk about another Villager. Saying that this one individual would rather buy a $50 tool just to get the job done instead of using existing tools. That instead of going out of his way to help theVillage, this one man would put off till tomorrow What he could have done today.
In the back of my mind I listened and kept notes. Eventually I would be interacting with one of these men that some Councilmen were speaking of. And true, they were right about this one Man’s wasteful personality but they were also wrong too on many accounts. You just have to give certain people trust and you have to challenge them with tasks else you, and they, will never know what they’re made of.
My First Domestic Violence
call that I was summoned to that Winter was , thank God, uneventful.
One of theGranmas had telephoned her daughter, who in turn went to a school teacher who in turn called a Village leader and he in turn called me.
I drove up to theHouse in question, only an hour after theDV event was supposed to have occured, upon theSnowMachine that theVillage Council loaned out to me to drive. Since I had not yet attended thePublic Safety Academy and didn’t have any set pattern of Approach to theHouse, I just drove on up and trusted that God would protect me that day.
For I had grown up seeing the evil face of Domestic Violence within my own family in South Dakota, and I had seen DV in other reservation families, had seen its presence elsewhere throughout my travels across theNation and elsewhere in my military travels around theWorld.
It’s the same
thing in different cultures. It’s power over another human being, it’s ugliness and controlling, it’s jealousy and hatred for self and others. Domestic Violence wraps itself in Addiction to drugs and alcohol, It wraps itself in addiction to other unhealthy behaviors and it crosses all societal classes and income levels.
DV events would be my most feared and most trying of Events that I would be summoned to in theVillage. In my own way I was just as alert and guarded as any State Trooper or Police when approaching a DV event. The State had it’s training and role played scenarios and hard earned experience to guide them and I had not only my own Reservation experience but also the comforting presence of what Religious people would call theInfluence of theHoly Ghost, to guide me in dangerous situations.
Without getting preachy, I had grown up with a few years of strong religious influence in my life and I did embrace such teachings. I understood that God was a person, an exalted being and that he had, at one time, been through a Mortal life like we now experience and that he had progressed to become God.
That now God was father of the Human family upon the earth and that in essence, we all were his children and were here on earth to experience life and to be tested, tried and proven by lifes experiences. I drew much comfort in the fact that I also accepted that theHoly Ghost was a personage of spirit and that through him, God did help me in my personal life and in my dealings with other people if I asked for such help.
As I approached this DV event I felt no inward sensings of danger to me, so I knocked on theDoor of the house in question that winter day and was greeted to the sight of a gorgeous but sad face of a Native female not even into her early twenties. She had 4 children with her in the house and she wasn’t acting edgy or scared at all. I took that as a cue that theAggressor, whether her Husband or Boyfriend, wasn’t there in the house at all.
Before I could
fully introduce myself theNative Female blurted out, “It’s like he thinks he owns the money that I make!” and she continued to talk as she cleaned up her kitchen table and picked up after the children. I had seen such “busy” actions before, when we fidget and fuss with our hair, bite our nails, or stare at the floor when confronted by a stressing situation.
Apparently the female was a school teacher and had been notified that her boyfriend wasn’t watching the young children as he normally does. He was found passed out in theLiving room of his house and no one else was watching the children.
No, she wasn’t beaten up. Yes, the kids were ok now that she was home. Everything was fine and I quickly left almost as soon as I had arrived at theHouse in question. Somehow I knew that I would be summoned to theAid of that Native female on an almost monthly basis and that I would be confronting her boyfriend too.
Looking back
on things, I only arrested the boyfriend once and that was during my 2nd year of being VPSO in theVillage.
The Native boyfriend had punched theNative female a few times in theFace and kicked her out of his car and then drove around until someone else stopped him and called me. I drove the young man to theState Troopers in theCity and they took him to jail.
I jokingly quipped to no one in particular a few times during my time as VPSO, that a DV offender that I took to theCity or had seen them flown out on State Trooper helo or plane, would be back in theVillage before I drove back, and sure enough the DV Offender would be back the next day and I wasn’t wrong!
And from that one Winters arrest of this boyfriend I speak of, his girlfriend theSchool teacher did testify in court that she didn’t get punched in the face as my written testimony described. That she didn’t approach me with bleeding lip and face, that she wasn’t crying and in pain from being punched and having her hand slammed in the car door, that she didn’t get thrown out of her boyfriends car over an argument over alcohol and drugs.
This Young Native female said that everything was fine and so nothing was done to her boyfriend. He really was home the next day after I ended up arresting him. Of the other times I had to go looking for this DV Boyfriend, he would skip town and hide out in theCity for awhile. That’s why I only recall arresting him once. And since we’re on a roll of Denial, out of mutual respect for this young native female.
So I too will go on record and say, that at one time in theVillage I was not approached by this same female for solace and comfort. That she wasn’t in my thoughts as being someone I could take into my life and care for. I will not speak of such possibilities and of what might have been had she truly sobered up like she wanted to do.
I Will Not
point out that a few times during my moments of being human, after rushing to her aid , I did embrace her and care for her minor wounds. In my anger and attempts to explain some sense into her pretty little head , that she needed to get out of that alcohol and abusive situations, I was honest with her and did what I could to help but I didn’t abuse her or sex her.
I won’t say that I know what she feels like in my arms, or of what she smells like. I will remain mute upon the times when I found her miles from theVillage in her car in the dead of winter passed out behind the wheel.
I didn’t impound her car at all during my duration of employment in theVillage, but I came close to doing so a few times.
I know what it feels like to be there with her and to drive for miles taking her home safely.
She never stopped
me one time on an isolated Village road and cry her eyes out on how fucked up her family life was and how her brothers and sisters were all screwed up from Village life. She never vomited at her feet and then hugged me, gorgeous girl that she was.
I never told her to go home and park her vehicle.
She doesn’t exist in my photos collection during the good times of her life and neither do the photos of her children, nor does she still exist in the DV event collections that I still maintain as I collected visual evidence of her afflicted wounds. Her big soulful brown eyes and round almost Oval face with a fair olive complexion and small scars upon her chin, brow and cheek are just figments of my imagination.
In those moments of sharing my Hair and Massage talents in theVillage I never laid hands upon her and felt much tension and pain in her soul. I never worked on her hair and never imparted any Salon wisdom to her and her friends.
I can understand completely how women have turned mens hearts throughout World history. For good and bad they have that effect upon men and Village girls are not lacking in beauty. I will not speak of her long dark black hair that contrasted with the light colored jacket tops she wore.
Nope, not beyond that first Domestic Violence event that I responded to and of that one other arrest upon her boyfriend, I will not speak, in fact, none of these things never happened because my Blog isn’t based upon real events, merely suggestions that I might have seen or heard of 2nd and 3rd hand!!
Situations and people like the above events I did leave behind in theVillage years ago and never looked back.
May God keep them safe and protect them all my Villagers, because I am no longer there.
Samuel L Flyinghorse, VPSO 2/2001 to 10/2003
theVillage!! Alaska
theSam!!
doing unto Villagers before they DO unto him!!
theSam!!
on theCover of theVillageStoned Magazine!!!
gonna buy 5 copies for my Mother!!
theSam!!
whom was left withoutGuidance in theVillage for about 90 days as he went and arrested his Shaman / Guru for drug possesion, But theGuru’s wife did beat theSam!! about theHead and Shoulders with a Sacred wooden rattle and birchbark canoe paddle from time to time until her husband, theSam!!’s guru did return.
In our next
few installments of Alaskan Village Tales!!, we’ll do interview time with a few Alaskan Princess’s after we spring them out of Rehab or else catch them when they’re feeling Sober!!
One Alaskan Pintsess
(because she drinks nothing less than Liters by thePint!) has written up a Stress Guide that she will incorporate into all theAlaskan PrincessLodges statewide just in time for summer 2007 Tourist Season.
The reason that the Stress publication will take so long to put out is that the 7 page Guide is still being translated from the soiled Linen square that was left over after one of thePrincess’ solitary Midnight meals when she broke into theWine Rack.
And get this, she wrote in LipStick as she ate and cried, wiped her mouth. Ate and cried some more, Drank and wiped her mouth. We’re still having trouble trying to see if the two cute little Spruce hens illustration figures are indeed-Spruce hens pecking around in the woods.
Or else, the spruce hens are really Hands and the blotch in the middle is a contorted face of an ex-Lover of thePrincess, whom she’s currently mad at, and in her Illustration she’s strangling. Maybe it’s one of her girlfriends?!
And we’ll also interview with a few YVC Inc (doh!!) employees and see what they really think of theSam!! (translation: do they want to keep their jobs?!) theSam!! goes undercover and exposes theTruth so stay tuned.
Then he’ll go to the little boys room “and make his Pee some other Way!!!” as he speaks theTruth.
SPEAK!!
And there you have it!!
It’s a Village 1970’s Music Explosion!!
-“I’mmmmm, I’m hooked on a feeling!!!
(wait,, it’s just Granma’s cane hooking onto my elbow. Never mind
No Granma don‘t Beat me Again!!!)
-“Sammy, Don’t be a hero... Don’t be a fool with your Life!”
(it’s just another Gun Call, you‘re exhausted.
Sleep and we‘ll wake you up two hours AFTERWARDS like that one House fire call)
-“Knock 3 times on my Shoulder if you want me-out of the House!!
Hit Twice with a Pipe, If you want me to go”
(go on Granma.. you know you want to protect your Granson)
Smack!! Mavis and his Guitar wrote theBook with this song.-“Fishy fishy, don’t get hooked on Me.... I’ll just catch you then I’ll set you free,”
(or else I’ll just go buy a Microwave fish sticks meal at theGeneral store....AGAIN)
Patrol theVillage listening to these Favorites!!
-“It’s got to be theMorning After, if we can remain Inebriate through theNight
It’s got to be an Import after, I’m Inebriate and my Native skin is Cadaver white!!”
-“Love Grows where ever I go, including her Bellyy....
(and that of every Village hottie two months after you arrive!!)
-“Stop, you’ve blown it all sky high!! Without a reason.
Why?!! You’ve blown it all sky high!!!
(*sigh*, another Village leader crying Foul over Investigations of their Kidz
Claiming that the Axe to the head Assault was just an apparent Drink misunderstanding)
Sonny Who Shares and his Sister Turns-Back-Time belt this Tune out for you!
-“Undies, Pants and Sleeves!!!”
(Where theGirls hide their Alcohol and Drugs)
the People would hear his Tools jingle and they’d Code-Word-Call us!!
Undies, Pants and Sleeves!!
And every night theSpot Light would come around,
On our faces, lay theDrugs and Money down!!!
Undies, Pants and Sleeves!!”
And Twig, theAnerexic 4th grader squeaks out this for us.
-“I’ve got a brand new pair of sunglasses, You’ve got all theWhiskey.
Oh we‘ve been sneaking arounnnd.
I‘ve got a brand new pair of boots, You’ve got his spare Car keys....!”
(after theVPSO’s car was broken into and the confiscated alcohol stolen before he could dispose of it)
the Songster Duo, ‘Captured into Kneel’ deliver this powerful revelation.
-“Cuffs!!, Cuffs will keep us together, Handcuffed till Whenever”
(Basically when you finally catch this couple, Nothing Less than a Felony stop will do!!)
A Woman from theOutside moved to theVillage and wrote this song.
-“That’s theNight that theBooze went out to Village.
That’s theNight they jailed an Inebriate man.
Don’t ever trust Village safety to some backwoods Cop Rookie,
Cos our Officer’s got crumbs and pop stains on his hands!”
After pushing and shoving, to no Avail, theCouncil would wring hands and scream.
-“lil lil Sammy won’t go home, But you can’t push lil Sam around.
oh No!!!, why won‘t anybody make lil‘ Sam go home!?“
How About This Doo Run Doo runn Doo Doo Dootsie Run Run!!?
-“Had, HHAADD. Nuff, NNUUFF!!. The man was born to lie.
The Council‘s gonna grill him and VPO”
“had!! HHAADD. nuff!! NNUUFF!!, they sit back and smile.
Someone’s gonna get such an evil child.”
Everybody Plays theFool
and theSam!! just is....
And speaking of Children!! Written by an Anonymous Officer.
-“a child arrived just the Other day, came to theVillage in the usual way.
(and the month before, and next month, and 3, 6 and 8 months from now too)
But there were criminals to catch, and dogs to shoot, Tongues wag when I walk away......
And he was importing before I knew it, and as he grew he said.
“I’m never gonna be like you Dad, I’m never gonna be like you.”
“got his Hands in theCradle and a Snuggle spoon, Another lil boy blue by the 9th moon.
her Boyfriend still in Prison and while he’s gone, we’re gonna have a Great Time yeah!!
She‘s gonna all my money spend!!“
“2nd Wife turned 10 just theOther day, modeled a nightie, ‘come on let’s Play’
So we played dolls and Jax, and dress up too. Our marriage was over when she threw her shoes,
She was smoking before I knew it, she exhaled and said. “I’m never gonna be like you Sam, I’m never ever gonna like you”
and as she hung up the Phone it occurred to me, She’d grown up Bigger than me, My wife was bigger than me!!”
“Got his foot in theGrave, eats with a wooden spoon. Another cute girl born by the next 9th Moon.
Competition jailed and in Prison and while They’re gone, We’re gonna have a good time then.
You’re gonna have a good time.....Spe nd!!”
And a Young Snuggle Bunny pleads her case
-“I’m not talking about moving in. And I don’t wanna change your life....
(I’m pregnant!)
But my Dad is throwing my Mom around....
And I’d really love to Patrol with you tooonight!
And everybody’s favorite.
-“She ran claimed Welfare... Signed up for Welfare.....
On Welfare...”
(and the next month she milked WIC fundz for every penny and then theCouncil General Fund!!)
How about this Dance Favorite from VeePee and the S O Band!!-“shake-shake-shake, Shake-shake-shake!!
Shake your OC!! Shake yor OC (spray)
(back up singers with hands to face, Over eyes,
“Boo hoo HOOO oooo hooo ooo Hoo hooo”
Repeat backup chorus and segue into theNext Village hit single)
-“You scream you shout, uh huh, uh huh
I Write it, Uh huh ,uh huh!
Print it up, Fax it out.
I write it, Uh huh, uh huh!
Use my pen, tell what you do,
I write it, uh huh, uh huh.
You scream and shout, Uh huh, uh huh.
I Write it, Uh huh, uh huh!
When he takes you by the hair, And you say it turns you on.
When you give him all your dope, then he gives you his back hand!!!”
(what kind of life is that with your boyfriend??)
“Aghh, that’s the way uh huh, uh huh
I type it. uh huh, uh huh.
Cam cord and tape you then
I write it, uh huh, uh huh!!!”
And who can forget this Tear jerker?-“good bye my Village it’s hard to cry, when all this blood stings my eyes.
and now my Freedoms dead and friends all gone.
What am I doing under this tree, with twisted ankle and skinned knees
and now my Granma yells, still I don’t know why everyone’s bugging me.
I had joy I had fun, I had shootings with my gun,
but His Nasal voice would whine-Your Fun Seasons Out Of Time.
All my friends we had fun we were passed out under Sun,
but the haze is now gone and theSam!! took our Bong.”
And this funsy dance favorite, Animated from our DV dance crew of 5 of theBatteredest Females around.
(these Hot girls invented theVillage Macarona!!, hit them and they‘ll add ketchup to their gyrations and slobber cheesy too)
-You just put Hands out-pleading to keep away.
Then you Cover your head-as if to protect your face.
Grab your gut-like you’ve been Boyfriend punched.
Arms out suddenly-like you’ve been kidney kicked from behind.
Then arms up to your head-like you’ve been hair grabbed.
(Repeat DV sequence 4x and in-Real-Life Repeat 3x monthly)
And don’t forget to Mime and Mimic pained, horror expressions
as you jerk-Dance to your favorite heavy metal tunes like
Suicide I will, Hate Life, and Black-n-VillageBlue
And who could forget this High Caliber (.45 single) from the Older women’s group of VillageBattered People?
-its fun to laugh at the V - P - S - O,
its fun to laugh at the V - P - S - O
You can Throw some eggs, you can Bare your Bod, you can Accuse whatever you feel.
And still more 1970’s Domestic Dance Fun
-You spray me then I’m dancing!! You Taze me then I’m dancing!! Prance theNight away!
Act Up Now!! These Domestic Hits are getting harder and harder to find,
just like a $500, $1000 or even an $5000 arrest Warrant in your Village!!
Here’s a Tip!! Next time you get invited to a childs birthday party just look behind theCouch and you’ll find that Criminal you’ve been searching for all month.
The Day theAlcohol Shipment Died
-Bye bye that VPSO guy, stole his Chevy drove his Bevy (of Girls)
ate his Ham and rye.
Them big ol’ Gunz were spitting 9’s and 45’s
Have you ever seen Grown Village Men cry?
Screaming and shouting, Why?!!
His girls got Mad then his balls turned Blue.
And he begged them for some Happy news.
She just smiled and skipped away.
And he went down to theGeneral Store,
where he’d bought an ice cream sandwich days before
But theClerk said the Prices had goonnee UP.
and into theVillage Alcohol streamed.
His pants were pressed, his uniform creases steamed
But not from his girlfriends a word was spoken.
His juvie kids all were Token.
and the three Villagers he arrested Most.
At theVillage End!! grillin’ ham and toast, (after they Broke In)
then caught the Last plane for AFN
theDay........... theAlcohol shipment.....died.
and they were singing.
my, my that big Officer guy.
Steal his Chevy, turn his Bevy (against him)
Eat his ham and rye.
Them big ol’ gunz were spittin’ 9’s and 45’s
Singing this’ll be theDay his Career......Dies.
And here’s one from an Officer himself!!
-Undercover Angel, Midnight my Lodge room,
I never had the time to fertilize that womb.
(darn village acted up when they knew I was Ready)
A NoValidOperator Licensee had this to Croon
-Sometimes when he touch!! (My Idling Car when I‘m Passed out behind theWheel)
Take my foot off theClutch.
then I have to Wet Myself and hide.
I wanna Curse him till I die.
Till his Truck breaks down, he cries.
And I have to Wet myself and hide.
At times we’re both like Drifters,
(or at least either one of us ends up in a Drift after the 11mile car chase)
Can I borrow the Tow strap again?
My brothers and my sisters,
but then the Blisters flare again!!
At times I want to break In,
My daughters on her knees.,
at times I wanna scold him and then ask for more Money.
So I can drink, wet myself and Hide.
Sometimes when we touch (he almost catches me but I still outrun him!!)
the dishonesty’s too much.
and I have to strip for him,
Gape real wide
I wanna keep on shifting,
till the Noise from the Gears and the Tranny,
subsides!!!!
And to all theTeen-Age Trauma Queens that think they’re theHottest stuff in theRegion
-Your so Pained, you probably think theEntire report is about YOU!! Your so pained.
You think everything is about you don’t you don’t you??
And yet another Lively Melody
-Like a Deadbeat, hiding out in theVillage for theUmpteenth time!!
(oh wait.. that’s theNext decade. We’ll advertise the 1980’s music in another few months..... My Bad...)
I love this music collection.
-It’s got OC spray in-your-face Dance moves,
(ssssssstttttttttt, “aauuhhggg My eyes! I can’t SEE!!)
It’s got spastic Tazer hip hop
(Wooops, wrong decade again. That’s for our 1990’s Village Hip-Hop Fest,
When we all lose our cultural awareness and think we’re Black, Oppressed and Angry!)
Here’s One from Lyin‘ & Bitchy!
-Hit Once, Twice. Three times then Tazer......
then I sue... you!
You Hit Once, Twice, Thrreee times Vision haazzy.
then I love ... you! I haate you...
(Oh no.... One decade too soon and not until theNext Pay check arrives!! sorry)
And for those of You Who Don’t know Me by Now
-If you don’t arrest me by now!!! You will never ever get Flashed by me!!
If you don’t arrest my Dad by now..... You will never ever ever get a hug and wink from my Mom
If you don’t throw me out of my house, By now!! You will never get an angry letter from me.
(wrong decade again and besides.... this is a Romantic slow song. sorry)
-Re Unitee and it tastes so Good?? No?
-Champagned kisses and Sheefish dreams?? Oh that’s right. Only theCouncil Kidz drink Champagne.
Besides, that’s the Soundtrack to “LifeStyles of theVillaged Famous
-One in a Million!!! Chance in your Lifetime!!! to prosecute my daughter and Son send them to jail!
-Isn’t this Village a Crazy place??, Just when I thought your car had passed, You go and kick my Daddy’s ass!!
How about,
-Here and Now!!! I promise to prosecute you to Poverty? No? ok.
my two Interns, Natalee Cold and Patme Well are getting that distant look in their eyes. What I call theThousand Liter Stare.
I think they’re going to drive my truck into the Next village and Import more alcohol again.
I hate impounding my own Vehicle!! On the other hand,
I’m in the best shape of my life from WALKING all over the damn village.
Order This 1970’s Collection Today!!
It’s got more vocables than a Tazed and Sprayed Villager who’s high on Meth.
So order Now!!
Get your Hands up!!! I said Turn around!!
(woops, Flashback to theAcademy “Felony Arrest procedure training days” sorry once again)
Here’s some Village Country Teazers from theUpcoming Regional Country album
Urban Village!!
-“Take theRibbon from my Hair, shake it loose and let it fall,
Take the shoe strings off my feet, so I won’t hang myself in your jail.
Help my Kids Bake It through theNight!!
(since You arrested me when I was cooking for the Village Celebration PotLatch!!)
-Silver Rings!!! and one tiny little Key to hold my hands.....
(sung by Drunks Teorge and Gammy Wine Ate
-they Stopped Feeding Him the Day, he placed cuffs upon their Grandaughter!!
Charley & JackDaniels Band sung this ‘un.
-The Troopers went down to theVillage, they were looking for Prisoners to steal
they were in a Bind, way behind and willing to make a Plea deal.
When they came upon two Officers wailing on some Villagers and Inebriates too.
The Cops jumped on a Spruce stump and said, Guys, tell you what.
Now you give good Baton but give us fellow Lawmen our due,
We’ll bet a box of Tazer leads with monofilment Copper and Gold
if we can swing harder than you.
One Officer intoned Nasally, My name’s theSam!! and It might be a Sin.
But I’ll take your bet, you’re gonna regret cos I swing Hardest with 31 Inch.
Kenny “theCharge” Dodges croons this Love Song
-And she still Pleads with me.
to not go on Drinking everyday!!!
I know importing here just isn’t right, most every night.
With my little hatchback, yes I was wrong.
But Cop just shadows me,
Takes away my booze at mile 23
Who knows, maybe if I plan just right,
I’ll be out of sight, with my little hatchback,
yes Officer, my breath is strong.
In his truck the cop sits sleeping,
I stumble to theKitchen
get in a domestic fight,
then my woman goes running into theNight
the cop returns to say,
DV’s not alright, the Troopers fly you out tomorrow at 2!
And she still pleads with me!
theLegals have this to say about Village Life!!
-“theVillage girls just seem to find out early. How to send their Men Into town.
A rich Officer says she won’t be Home early, She’ll dress in Dental floss and Crawl around
Late at night, theBig old Village gets lonely. I guess monthly dividend checks just came in....
and it breaks her Parole when she leaves Village boundaries, Arrested by her man most people call...theSam!!
You can’t hide your Glassy Eyes. and your smile is red and really wide!!!!
(have you been putting lipstick on AFTER drinking?!! darn girl friends)
she thought by now I’d realize. Village road is bumpy, paints her Raccoon eyes.
She sneaks out, Imports herself some Strong ones, and stares down at the bruises on her thighs.
she gets tired, then she gets really Moody, she wakes her man Errands him out to Drive
3 hours one way for ice cream and a jar of pickles!! Her comfort Friends whenever she’s feeling down.
But he knows where She’s going as he’s leaving, she’s headed for the Inebriate side of town.
My oh my, ya’ sure know how to arrange things Said it so well. so carefully. (as she dramas and makes a scene)
Ain’t it funny how your Village Life didn’t change things. Except the Diapers of the kids bouncing on your knees.
You can’t hide Your Glassy eyes, and your smile is really Wide!! (here’s some make up remover)
Thought by now you’d realize. Bumpy Village road but I’m not driving anymore for you Raccoon eyes.
On the other side of theVillage a Keg is waiting, With tumblers and bar stools so she won’t have to kneel.
she runs through the Woods anticipating, Cos drinking makes her feel theBuzz she used to feel.
She guzzles, lifts arms, goes on a bender, her girlfriends know it’s only for awhile.
She swears that soon she’ll be coming back forever. she downs a Pitcher and leaves them with a smile.
You can’t hide your Glassy Eyes, and that scary smile is still there, Really wide.(You look like a clown)
Thought by now you’d realize. There ain’t no way I’m driving for You anymore, Raccoon eyes.
(you look like Alice Cooper when your mascara runs, quit crying!!)
Honey, please wipe those Raccoon Eyes.
Honey, please take out those Scary Goth Contac eyes!!!
(Oh alright... but give me some $, remember?? You’ve got it all.)
I’m theSam!! and I approve thePreceding Massage!!
THE PRINCESS DIARIES part Doh!!
45.9, theSmell of Tater tots!!
Here’s a Brief rundown on theCurrent happenings of our Beloved AlaskanPrincess!
-theCopperRiver AlaskanPrincess,
at a spry 800yrs, she’s 2nd youngest and could pass for a 14 yr old! This Princess still keeps limber on her Brass Pole and spends hours and hours practicing Kissing herself on her Mirrored Dance Stage.
She’s finally grown her hair out again and stopped wearing Boots. She traded in her Pickup for something more feminine looking like a new Hummer H2 with the Novelty steel scrote dangling off theTow hitch.
She’s theModel behind theBluehead princess logos. Has now expanded her modeling career into new frontiers by hiring out various body parts to be cast into Life size anatomically correct eh.. Prosthetics devices!!
Still reeling from the 2004 and 2005 Lawsuits of the family members of theVictims from the Sky Dive over CopperCenter jump-Package. At least look at the bright side of things, the Fishing Spots where the Victims “burned in” have seen a jump in monster King Salmon runs during the 2006 fishing season for theLodge Guests.
Our Princess can often be seen visiting Anchorage and has even been known to engage theSam!! in heated, angry Email exchanges regarding his liberal use of seasoning on every order of curly fries, potato wedges and cheese wraps that he gets from fast food joints.
As if his shared insight into various Peer group dynamics and some of theTrysts after work hours wasn’t enough to argue about with thePrincess back when theSam!! was there.
Hey, call it a draw and Lez just be friends!!
-theKenaiRiver Alaskan Princess,
1800yrs, 5th oldest and no wrinkles on her forehead!! thanks to Botux and Seaweed Facials. That and her hair so tightly pulled back it holds her face in place, but what the hey, anything that works.
This cute-only Princess is currently recovering from Belly button Breast Implant surgery (Again). And just in time for Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade!! When you look for her on the Nationally televised event, she’ll be the one with the 8-story Apt sized balloons under her blouse.
Her recovery time was so short she awoke from surgery she hopped off the Hospital bed to resume last minute Combat fishing with her end of Sep Lodge guests. She was too sedated to hear comments of her not being dressed, but what the hey!! When you look as good as her, who cares?! A distracted Lodge Guest from Arizona accidently snagged her nipple with a Jiggy Rebel 1/4” Spinner and thePrincess was totally hooked, Line and sinker!
(theSam!! will be tethered 3 Rootbeer Floats behind theKenaiRiver Alaskan Princess in the Upcoming Thanksgiving Day parade. Just look for theBlinding Camera flashes as he takes pics of every cute girl in sight. Lets just hope that he‘ll be appropriately attired!! He‘s to busy gathering “Bead necklaces“ to take with him when he flies back east, We don‘t have the heart to break his excitement and tell him that the Beads are for a Different kind of celebration, and much further south, like New Orleans!!)
-theBrooksRange Alaskan Princess,
Some of her grandkids call her Auntie B and the really bad grand kids scream in their sleep “No Auntie M!!” She’s theOldest of theAlaskan Girls at 2000yrs and she looks not a day past......... 40!
May the Only Middle Age Spread be the generous heaps of ‘I Cant Beleive Its Not Butter’ upon her Salt Crackers and not upon her liposuctioned Hips, Buttocks and Thighs
to celebrate theGrand Opening of theNorthern Brooks Lodge her “Free Hugs” campaign backfires as she gets groped by her Own Staff members!! theNext 3 months are to be tied up in arraignments and court proceedings. Just look at it as an end of year Employee blow-Out special!! all over her tummy and ample bosoms.
All fondlings aside, theNewest Lodge helmed by the most experienced of theAlaskan Princess sisterhood does look good on a resume, which would explain her recent sign ups to theAK state Job AlexSys website! She awaits word of Casual Holiday work for theUS Postal Service or else for theAnchorage ParaTransit bus driver position.
She spends her off-duty time trying to refute theTheory of Relativity, as when she stepped into theYolk of Lodge leadership, ALL of her relations crawled out of the Woodworks looking for easy jobs and ea$y money. They were quickly repelled by a dirty 4 letter word, W-O-R-K!!
-theDenali Alaskan Princess,
4th oldest Hottie at 1600yrs and she still can‘t get her Drivers License! She‘s currently fighting with theState and with DMV after repeated denials from them even after she came up with Bureau of Indian Affairs CDIB cards / certificate degree of Indian Blood quantum proof, and found her old Costco ID card along with her CARRS Safeway key pass cards.
They say she’s underage and she says that theNext time she blows a Fault Line she’s taking all DMV offices in theState Down, down DDOOWWNN into theAbyss!! As many of you know that she had a bad hair day in 2003 when all of North America felt the earthquake.
theOriginal “Girlvert” of the bunch as she has taken IMing, WebCams and her monthly Waxed-Highbush Blackberry device to Newd Extremes.
After visiting theVillage Clinic for her bout of “Blackberry thumbs”, thePrincess decided to make her next Salon Waxing appointment a special one and make her High Bush Blackberry into a holiday theme like “Chets Nuts roasting over an open Lodge fireplace Fire”.
Her man Chet is on the outs with thePrincess as of late and so we’ll give the girl some room to grieve as the Gun she is waving around right now has about a 2 mile range!! When she stops sobbing and crying we’ll kindly suggest getting her Highbush waxed into a nice funsy holiday Elf or a Gingerbread man.
Yet she’s looked up to by theOther gals as the Brainy one, inspite of the fact that she still thinks theHoover Administration did a hell of a lot better than theCurrent group in WA. We should know that she knows what she talks about, she’s been around longer than the rest of us!
This cute, fun loving Princess is at theHeart of theLodge wide Customer Service programs that all newly minted employees are brow-beaten into attending. She would like to say that the 2003 year rumors are true!! Mz Denali DID in fact, make an example of one young employee girl from Iowa that opted to sit outside theLodge and smoke instead of attending the mandated departmental training programs.
Poor young girl had to wear a Latex body suit for thePrincess every night of her employment that summer and often had to double as furniture or side props at theLodge Bar when conventions would stay a few days at a time. A few Lesbian employees eventually took theGirl under (heh heh heh) their wings after end of Tourist season and they all moved away to some place remote in Alaska, never to be seen again!!
-theMtMcKinley Alaskan Princess,
3rd oldest Babe at 1500yrs and she gets offended when Bars & Clubs card her for drinks and cigarettes! Gee Princess, take it easy. Consider it a compliment when that happens. Even theSam!! gets carded at Wendies and CarlsJunior. Just think of it as, that you’re so Young looking that no one believes you’re really so old!
It took 4 hours to blow out her Birthday cake candles at her recent birthday bash, but she did it all by herself. You’ll be amazed that the cake frosting washed out of her Moose skin dress, she has the photos to prove it!! this is one fun Princess - Really!! (We think that the frosting washed out so easily because by hour 3 of her blowing out her candles, thePrincess was spitting)
Never one to back down from a challenge, she’s still drinking to keep on being hung over from the 2005 summertime Employee Binge drink weekend. This gal knows how to party just like theCollege kid alcoholics that work for her each summer. In fact, her Employees party so hard, one of her kids got Mauled by a Brown bear. That one-Upped thePrincess who now makes time to strap on Running shoes and go jogging around her Lodge compound during “that time of theMonth”
Ms McKinley memorialized the 2005 Employee Bear Mauling Event in a Montage tattoo from her upper Traps down her back and gently wrapping around her hips to just barely meet below her navel. We hope she saves room on her bod for the next 30 yrs or so of her future employment as Head of theMcKinley Lodge.
-theSeaside WesternAlaskan Princess,
a pert and Perky 700yrs old and she is the Youngest of our Alaskan Princess’
And certainly the most Mischievous of theGirls.
She specializes in making her own Body piercing jewelry from sea shells, anemones and corral, as well as from the usual Ivory, whale bone, and the Spines of recent boyfriends that piss her off.
She loves long walks on theBeach, reapportioning Regional Dividend funds destined for Village govt’s to her Private Offshore accounts in theBahamas, and saving snail mail cards and letters from all her Irate Lodge Guests and Vendors!!
Her favorite Emails are from the Czech boy that spent over $10K to travel to AK and then work for only 6 weeks before he got fired from theLodge by thePrincess. Now theCzech boy sits homeless in Anchorage and sends out hate letters to thePrincess from where ever he can plug his laptop in.
“I at least hope that he has learned to Shower!!” the Seaside Princess said.
And we have two more Players up here in HHUUGGEE Alaska. The territory is so spread out just like an Alaskan Princess’ legs during bikini waxing time and way more Wild than any of thePrincessEmployees Going-Home at end of Season parties!
-Sleeping Lady,
our perpetual Lady of ZZZZ’s is way over 5000yrs old and she doesn‘t look a century past 19, In fact, she still needs an adult Co-Signer for any business Loans and for her Library loan checkouts.
We visited her in her South Anchorage Condo but our interview time with her was immediately cut short, as she started to yawn and then nodded off to what else??? SLEEP!! We then spent the next 4 hours posing her delicious 5’ 6” 160lbs frame throughout her Condo office and took pictures. She’s Hot, and a fattie!!
We first faxed her 42” DD boobs to our affiliate sponsors and then faxed her butt to the 6 Alaskan Princess Lodges.
Then we filmed a few PSA’s for theState, did a couple of MakeUp and Hair ad photo shoots for a few Day Spas in town and ended our fun by placing Sleeping Lady in an environment that she was most familiar with when waking up from sleep.
We littered her Anchorage Condo with alcohol containers, drug paraphernalia, a dead body and trash, then we called the Police!! We love her, wouldn’t want to disrespect theNative Half-breed Sleeping Lady or anything like that!!
-Mz Mt McKinley,
8000yrs old she is and her Beautiful bite is as deadly as her frigid winter Slopes. This Gal is a separate female entity, with absolutely no affiliation to the 6 AK Princess’ or to Sleeping Lady.
In fact, the 6 Alaskan Princess’ and SL are actively hunting for this old battle axe.
As she can be quite the Alaskan Diva and throw tantrums and go into hissy fits. Indeed the alleged disappearance of 2 experienced climbers upon her frigid slopes in 2005 have led many to believe that Mz McKinley threw up an intentional storm and maliciously acted to harm her two female slope climbers. Hey!!, Anything to Protect theSacred Institution of Marriage!!
So, we’ll leave this update for now as there is quite frankly, nothing new to report on Mz MM except to say that she wasn’t injured during theMidnight shift at the Liquor store after she tackled an Alcohol-Run-Out and pummeled him senseless. She’s really mean.
theSam!!
who gets more sleep without Counting Sheep!!
theSam!!
try him thawed in the Summer and Frozen in winter
theSam!!
who promises never to talk or type over your next Blog reading experience, honest!!
theSam!!
playing email “Peek-a-Boob” with a few other former Village Officers.
“whatcha doing?, “Nuttin’ - whatchoo doon?”, “Nuttin’”
theCouncilOffice!!
committed to a HUG free workplace!!!
Sexual harassment, intimidation and bullying whole heartedly embraced and permitted!!
theVillage!!
nestled comfortably under Old Man Winters soft blanket of snow...........Dutch Oven time!!!!!
*bbrraappp*
VillageChixxx!!
nestled comfortably under Influence of John E Walker and “E!”, while sitting in a substandard HUD house
that averages high temps of 50’ F and no food in the fridge or cupboards. Protect her and keep her friends from harm.
They didn’t really choose to live that way and would love to get out if they could.
MORE TALES FROM THE VILLAGE
theLodge Manager
had placed me upstairs in the spacious 2 story Lodge. Her light brown skin and happy face was reassuring to me, the New Officer in theVillage. Little did I know that she would often be the one person in the Community to lend assistance and ever after, I would respect her judgement and opinions much.
She was older than me and quite fit looking too. She wasn’t like some Native women, a body like a sack of potatos. She was a half breed-Athabascan & White. I would eventually meet her proud parents in theVillage and also a few of her blood relatives. I would be surprised much to see the stark contrast of her friendliness and charm to everyone else’s negativity.
And from the way she moved I could tell that she was a woman that had borne several children. Her infant daughter was elsewhere in theLodge sleeping in her childseat under watchful care of an Elder Granma. And her 3 children were just a few blocks away attending the little village school.
As she went
down the Hall to the supply room and then returned to give me an extra pillow, she smiled at me and turned around to exit my Lodge room. As she left I stood in my room and thought about the previous hours of arriving in theVillage. Of having arrived at the start of the Monthly Village Council meeting and of the introductions to the various Council members and Village leaders.
In meeting I was ushered to the side of the First Village chief. I shook hands with a young looking Elder man who at the time was in a wheelchair from recent knee surgery. The Village chief had a strong grip, I learned much from that second of touch. A few more people also shook my hand that day and a few other Council people didn’t even look at me.
I will not name any of these Villagers but will only refer to them each by situations and even at that. In most writings I describe I will change events and add or delete scenes. Because these people know who they are and they know their own doings with me in public and private.
Of most of these Villagers I still have the utmost respect and do consider their Elders as my own Grandparents, their men & women as my own brothers & sisters, their children as my own and in just a handful of cases, I love their dogs too - and I strongly dislike dogs.
My room
had a small walk in shower area and commode with sink. A place that I would often end up in later on in my line of work trying to wash my hands and uniform of blood and material that I had been exposed to. But such actions didn’t occur to me then as even remote possibilities, but if Walls could talk, I’d get a lifetimes lesson in what I had just signed up for as a Village Public Safety Officer
The overall look of theLodge was on par with any average City hotel. The carpeting was good and the walls were clean. The furnishings were sturdy and I was happy that the lamps worked on the nightstands. I drew the curtains of my window aside and peeked out over the North side of theVillage.
A new pickup truck slowly drove by theLodge thumping bass music and slowly pulled over to the side of the Ice covered street and disgorged a few young Native men. I watched them slip into a Log house and before they stepped inside, they glanced towards theLodge as if they knew of my presence in theVillage. Little did I know that I would meet this group of drunken Revelers before night fall in this same house.
Down theHall
at the opposite end of theLodge were Village Council offices and in between us was the Communal Mens and Womens bathroom / shower rooms. It was that dividing line that I first became aware of my first few days in theLodge.
In the days, weeks and months after my arrival to theVillage, someone would approach my way and then turn into one of the restrooms.
But occasionally, one Villager would cross that Line and approach my room or approach me for what ever reason-at-that-time and as more and more Villagers and I got closer and more familiar with each other. We realized that two different Worlds were meeting and interacting.
It was their Native Culture and my own Lakota Culture that shook hands across Generations and across Centuries of isolation. I knew that I was not a stranger in a strange land as it were. It was this tough unbreakable Native Alaskan culture that knew survival off the land and also knew of Whiteman’s exploitation and attempted destruction of their Native peoples that strengthened me when I needed it most.
And it was my own Lakota Culture, a proud society of Warriors fresh from recent centuries of strife with White invaders alike that did reach out and protect the people of that Village where I was assigned to work and Live. The interactions I had with theVillage would mirror our roles for each other. They did provide for me, socialize with me and I did protect them. At times I would be out of favor with theVillage but my lifetime of experiences had built me up to anticipate and expect such things.
To Anyone
that will listen to me, It’s the little things that stand out most when you first get placed into any situation. When business gets serious and potentially life threatening, pay attention to what you first observed with People and Events, for that is the way things truly are.
Hindsight is 20-20, but if you listen to me. You’ll already know the future of things when you too first arrive at some destination, or when you first meet someone.
I had a few moments to walk down theStairs from my room and go into the Dining room / Kitchen area of theLodge. I had just arrived at the tail end of the School lunch hours and the daily Elders Nutrition luncheons. A tall Ponytailed man with fierce looking eyes gestured to me from behind the Kitchen counter grill. Soon I was eating soup and homemade dinner rolls.
The Native ponytailed man and his Native wife were theLodge Cooks and for that first year of my time in theVillage I did make it a point to eat lunch with theElders, as I couldn’t eat with theSchool age children. When I would help escort the lively Kintergarten class To and From lunchtime at theVillage Lodge I had no time to eat and watch such energetic kids.
Everyone has
a specialty in life and theCooks made great breads and sweet pastrys too. During some High end dinner parties you know that dinner rolls, butter and water are served first and that frosting added to pastries helps sweeten the deal.
In my friendly moods and daily interactions I noticed theCooks and of their roles to the rest of theVillage. I would often wonder why my attentions were often drawn to these Cooks that first Spring that I was in theVillage, but I knew that my questions would be addressed eventually.
During my first week in Village I heard a few older men talk about another Villager. Saying that this one individual would rather buy a $50 tool just to get the job done instead of using existing tools. That instead of going out of his way to help theVillage, this one man would put off till tomorrow What he could have done today.
In the back of my mind I listened and kept notes. Eventually I would be interacting with one of these men that some Councilmen were speaking of. And true, they were right about this one Man’s wasteful personality but they were also wrong too on many accounts. You just have to give certain people trust and you have to challenge them with tasks else you, and they, will never know what they’re made of.
My First Domestic Violence
call that I was summoned to that Winter was , thank God, uneventful.
One of theGranmas had telephoned her daughter, who in turn went to a school teacher who in turn called a Village leader and he in turn called me.
I drove up to theHouse in question, only an hour after theDV event was supposed to have occured, upon theSnowMachine that theVillage Council loaned out to me to drive. Since I had not yet attended thePublic Safety Academy and didn’t have any set pattern of Approach to theHouse, I just drove on up and trusted that God would protect me that day.
For I had grown up seeing the evil face of Domestic Violence within my own family in South Dakota, and I had seen DV in other reservation families, had seen its presence elsewhere throughout my travels across theNation and elsewhere in my military travels around theWorld.
It’s the same
thing in different cultures. It’s power over another human being, it’s ugliness and controlling, it’s jealousy and hatred for self and others. Domestic Violence wraps itself in Addiction to drugs and alcohol, It wraps itself in addiction to other unhealthy behaviors and it crosses all societal classes and income levels.
DV events would be my most feared and most trying of Events that I would be summoned to in theVillage. In my own way I was just as alert and guarded as any State Trooper or Police when approaching a DV event. The State had it’s training and role played scenarios and hard earned experience to guide them and I had not only my own Reservation experience but also the comforting presence of what Religious people would call theInfluence of theHoly Ghost, to guide me in dangerous situations.
Without getting preachy, I had grown up with a few years of strong religious influence in my life and I did embrace such teachings. I understood that God was a person, an exalted being and that he had, at one time, been through a Mortal life like we now experience and that he had progressed to become God.
That now God was father of the Human family upon the earth and that in essence, we all were his children and were here on earth to experience life and to be tested, tried and proven by lifes experiences. I drew much comfort in the fact that I also accepted that theHoly Ghost was a personage of spirit and that through him, God did help me in my personal life and in my dealings with other people if I asked for such help.
As I approached this DV event I felt no inward sensings of danger to me, so I knocked on theDoor of the house in question that winter day and was greeted to the sight of a gorgeous but sad face of a Native female not even into her early twenties. She had 4 children with her in the house and she wasn’t acting edgy or scared at all. I took that as a cue that theAggressor, whether her Husband or Boyfriend, wasn’t there in the house at all.
Before I could
fully introduce myself theNative Female blurted out, “It’s like he thinks he owns the money that I make!” and she continued to talk as she cleaned up her kitchen table and picked up after the children. I had seen such “busy” actions before, when we fidget and fuss with our hair, bite our nails, or stare at the floor when confronted by a stressing situation.
Apparently the female was a school teacher and had been notified that her boyfriend wasn’t watching the young children as he normally does. He was found passed out in theLiving room of his house and no one else was watching the children.
No, she wasn’t beaten up. Yes, the kids were ok now that she was home. Everything was fine and I quickly left almost as soon as I had arrived at theHouse in question. Somehow I knew that I would be summoned to theAid of that Native female on an almost monthly basis and that I would be confronting her boyfriend too.
Looking back
on things, I only arrested the boyfriend once and that was during my 2nd year of being VPSO in theVillage.
The Native boyfriend had punched theNative female a few times in theFace and kicked her out of his car and then drove around until someone else stopped him and called me. I drove the young man to theState Troopers in theCity and they took him to jail.
I jokingly quipped to no one in particular a few times during my time as VPSO, that a DV offender that I took to theCity or had seen them flown out on State Trooper helo or plane, would be back in theVillage before I drove back, and sure enough the DV Offender would be back the next day and I wasn’t wrong!
And from that one Winters arrest of this boyfriend I speak of, his girlfriend theSchool teacher did testify in court that she didn’t get punched in the face as my written testimony described. That she didn’t approach me with bleeding lip and face, that she wasn’t crying and in pain from being punched and having her hand slammed in the car door, that she didn’t get thrown out of her boyfriends car over an argument over alcohol and drugs.
This Young Native female said that everything was fine and so nothing was done to her boyfriend. He really was home the next day after I ended up arresting him. Of the other times I had to go looking for this DV Boyfriend, he would skip town and hide out in theCity for awhile. That’s why I only recall arresting him once. And since we’re on a roll of Denial, out of mutual respect for this young native female.
So I too will go on record and say, that at one time in theVillage I was not approached by this same female for solace and comfort. That she wasn’t in my thoughts as being someone I could take into my life and care for. I will not speak of such possibilities and of what might have been had she truly sobered up like she wanted to do.
I Will Not
point out that a few times during my moments of being human, after rushing to her aid , I did embrace her and care for her minor wounds. In my anger and attempts to explain some sense into her pretty little head , that she needed to get out of that alcohol and abusive situations, I was honest with her and did what I could to help but I didn’t abuse her or sex her.
I won’t say that I know what she feels like in my arms, or of what she smells like. I will remain mute upon the times when I found her miles from theVillage in her car in the dead of winter passed out behind the wheel.
I didn’t impound her car at all during my duration of employment in theVillage, but I came close to doing so a few times.
I know what it feels like to be there with her and to drive for miles taking her home safely.
She never stopped
me one time on an isolated Village road and cry her eyes out on how fucked up her family life was and how her brothers and sisters were all screwed up from Village life. She never vomited at her feet and then hugged me, gorgeous girl that she was.
I never told her to go home and park her vehicle.
She doesn’t exist in my photos collection during the good times of her life and neither do the photos of her children, nor does she still exist in the DV event collections that I still maintain as I collected visual evidence of her afflicted wounds. Her big soulful brown eyes and round almost Oval face with a fair olive complexion and small scars upon her chin, brow and cheek are just figments of my imagination.
In those moments of sharing my Hair and Massage talents in theVillage I never laid hands upon her and felt much tension and pain in her soul. I never worked on her hair and never imparted any Salon wisdom to her and her friends.
I can understand completely how women have turned mens hearts throughout World history. For good and bad they have that effect upon men and Village girls are not lacking in beauty. I will not speak of her long dark black hair that contrasted with the light colored jacket tops she wore.
Nope, not beyond that first Domestic Violence event that I responded to and of that one other arrest upon her boyfriend, I will not speak, in fact, none of these things never happened because my Blog isn’t based upon real events, merely suggestions that I might have seen or heard of 2nd and 3rd hand!!
Situations and people like the above events I did leave behind in theVillage years ago and never looked back.
May God keep them safe and protect them all my Villagers, because I am no longer there.
Samuel L Flyinghorse, VPSO 2/2001 to 10/2003
theVillage!! Alaska
theSam!!
doing unto Villagers before they DO unto him!!
theSam!!
on theCover of theVillageStoned Magazine!!!
gonna buy 5 copies for my Mother!!
theSam!!
whom was left withoutGuidance in theVillage for about 90 days as he went and arrested his Shaman / Guru for drug possesion, But theGuru’s wife did beat theSam!! about theHead and Shoulders with a Sacred wooden rattle and birchbark canoe paddle from time to time until her husband, theSam!!’s guru did return.
In our next
few installments of Alaskan Village Tales!!, we’ll do interview time with a few Alaskan Princess’s after we spring them out of Rehab or else catch them when they’re feeling Sober!!
One Alaskan Pintsess
(because she drinks nothing less than Liters by thePint!) has written up a Stress Guide that she will incorporate into all theAlaskan PrincessLodges statewide just in time for summer 2007 Tourist Season.
The reason that the Stress publication will take so long to put out is that the 7 page Guide is still being translated from the soiled Linen square that was left over after one of thePrincess’ solitary Midnight meals when she broke into theWine Rack.
And get this, she wrote in LipStick as she ate and cried, wiped her mouth. Ate and cried some more, Drank and wiped her mouth. We’re still having trouble trying to see if the two cute little Spruce hens illustration figures are indeed-Spruce hens pecking around in the woods.
Or else, the spruce hens are really Hands and the blotch in the middle is a contorted face of an ex-Lover of thePrincess, whom she’s currently mad at, and in her Illustration she’s strangling. Maybe it’s one of her girlfriends?!
And we’ll also interview with a few YVC Inc (doh!!) employees and see what they really think of theSam!! (translation: do they want to keep their jobs?!) theSam!! goes undercover and exposes theTruth so stay tuned.
Then he’ll go to the little boys room “and make his Pee some other Way!!!” as he speaks theTruth.
SPEAK!!
And there you have it!!
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