iMovie
theSam!!
moving at theSpeed of Village, having dropped theTranny, lost all 4 tires and fell asleep at theWheel over 3 yrs ago!!
theSam!!
have a Free weekend on Him!!, seriously, that’s how long it will take for you to recover after reading just 1 minute of his Blog.
theSam!!
working VPSO hard, sweating Brown with Gold trim!!
theSam!!
whose recent Resume updates include:
-Liasson for all Transients west and all Inebriates South.........of Fireweed,
-Official Tater tots taste Tester for theAlaska Princess,
-Human torch for the Div of Forestry Emergency Fire Fighter division,
-Village Nanny to a handful of Out of Control Kintergartners,
-Psychological, Moral and Ethics test experiment as part of theVillage Public Safety officer program.
We’ll just skip the part about “blaming it on the rain” when a hot female Villager wondered what that “whirring sound” was during her Massages.
theSam!!
official Photographer to Village weddings, Hoping that theBrides Dress will hold out around theBosom longer than theMarriage will last!!
theSam!!
falling into Oblivion and while we’re at it, we’ll say it again. thePainfully Obvioused
theSam!!
wanting to put his experience and commitment to work for Alaskans, if it wasn’t for his E and C, he’d have to work instead!!
theSam!!
willing to put Nebraskans first!! If only as human shields for his beloved Alaskan’s.
theSam!!
who says he’s an OLD man!!
theState!!
healthy lives, high living standards, happy Alaskans..............until 01 Nov 1999 Doh!!
theState!!
*SIGH*...............it had to be HIM!!
iMovie
I haven’t gone to a sit down show at a Movie theater since 1/2lb Popcorn tub and a 2oz Pop combos were under $15, but the other day I decided to throw caution / PFD to theWind and hitch-hiked south to theCentury Cinemas on 36th Ave.
It’s very easy to find theMovie theaters in Anchorage. Just look for flocks of Sea gulls that are attracted to the fetid stench of pop corn and butter exhaust fumes heaving out the ventilation grates.
Having Mis-read the scrolling Info screen that was atop theTicket stands I forked over a wad of $20’s to see “Flags of OurFathers”. Approaching the Ticket stands is a lot like going to DMV and to theOpticians office.
You get cold impersonal service from people that speak to you through a 2’ metal baffled grill as they stand behind 3’ of bullet proof glass while they purposely stop and start theAscending or Descending scroll of theDays movie titles and times of showing to entertain themselves watching everyone trying to figure out if a movie starts at 635a.m, 12p.m, 540a.m or if they already missed the 7a.m premiere-in theMiddle of theAfternoon!
They get incensed when you mention that you can’t read the rolling red print as it ascends like those enemy landers in the old time arcade game “star command”, yet finally when you put your face up against that 3’ of granite glass and look at the 2nd display of titles directly behind theTicket takers, just like theDMV color test-everything comes into view and you get your movie ticket.
I discovered that I was 45mins early for theNext showing, and stopped moving in the middle of the thickly carpeted floor to glance around at the endless see of people moving around me. “what do to what to do, what do I do now!” I thought to myself.
A heavy concussion of explosions followed by staccatto gunfire caught my ears and I found myself drawn toward theGame Room.
It seems that time certainly has flown by me. I’m one year shy of being 40 and I can still recall learning to drive at the tender age of 7 back on the Rexervation when I used to go looking for my Relatives at theTown Bar. One Uncle or Auntie would give me a roll of quarters and send me to the back of theBar to play on theDrag Racer game.
I loved that Nascar / Drag racing game. It had a nice comfy seat that would be akin to what ever seat is now atop a riding mower at Sears. And theSteering wheel was small and wrapped in velvety Velvet!
I’d pop my quartes into the money slot and press theStart button and theGame would spring to life. I’d find myself staring at a One Dimensional view of a street. And as theStreet would scroll / roll top to bottom of the screen I’d steer theTiny game car (which was representative of ME in the driving game) left or right and hope to not crash into various cars and obstacles in my way.
Now a days I find myself riveted to those Spectacular Car Chase scenes shown on various news channels and Funny home video shows and Scary police car chase episodes. I find myself taken back to 1970, 71, 72, 73,74 and 1975 when games as well as life was much simpler and more innocent than today 2006.
I look at todays Scary police chase scenes on tv from the eyes of an 5yr old boy and it’s a little unnerving to strangers around me when I put my hands up like I’m driving a car and am shifting imaginary gears and stepping on pedals that just aren’t there.
The OJ white bronco chase scene?!! I was there shifting radio station knobs dude, dramatic footage of a 20mph chase scene in Seattle when a man took a $500,000 Bentley for a test drive and never went back?! I was there turning UP the air conditioner and rummaging through theMini bar for Pepsi.
yep, show it to me on tv from a perspective of Looking down on things and I’m there popping quarters and falling asleep at theWheel.
But it seems that Arcade games have morphed into something out of the movie “Logans Run”. or that book-turned movie “Brave New World”
I mean, I wish to God that technology was really like that. I’d be watching Victorias Secret lingerie ads all day and looking at Nebraskan Corn field ads and actually licking and Tasting theCorn!!
And speaking of Brave New World, theSam!! can explain those marks upon his back and legs... REALLY!!! honest, I mean that, I can.
Not that I’ve been approached by any Soma pill bearing woman that passed out in front of me, but I’m just saying.
Anywho. Back to theMovie Theater arcade.
I step into theMatrix and see that all of theKids around me are focused upon Chasing through theMean streets of LA, they’re locked in Mortal Combat with theDragon Slayer and shooting down bubbles with candy Darts and slaying Zombie hordes that encroach upon mankind.
Adults, youth, even children are not only playing arcade games, They’re actually a part of todays games.
The tiny motoCross bikes that you straddle and control activate to Jumpstunt your way across miles of Desert wasteland to earn big Buck$$ with each loop roll and barrel flip you do has theRiders immersed so well into theGame that you think you’re there when you’re not.
One boy tried to kick out a leg IRL / in real life as he played theMotoCross game and kicked his Dad in theChest.
In another Arcade station, not 2, not 3 but 4 / Four young girls were busy Disco dancing on a Neon lit platform., swaying, jumping and stomping to a techno music beat. Wow, they were good. Kidz these days. Barely out of grade school and putting grown up Strippers to shame by Out choreographing them.
I’ve been a Flight Student and have memorized theCompass Rose, The 360’ / degree points of the navigational compass and including the Lats / Longitudinal spacings of the earth’s axis.
I’ve also memorized a clock face with all 12 numbers and spaces in between and thats nothing to seeing theComplexity of theSimple Neon platform theGirls were dancing upon.
As one portion of theNeon platform lit up theGirls were supposed to hit / step / touch it with their feet and they used simple G4 and SinLine Algabraeic Algo rhythms (pardon the pun) to keep up theDancing steps. Smart girls, even smarter arcade games!!
As an Sober child, as an Adult youth and now an Old man at Middle age I pride myself on being in the Middle of Violence or in the Middle of madness and I’m calm inside. I’ve learned to feel my heart beat, to slow it down, to speed it up.
I’ve mastered my emotions to the point of being scientifically sterile when dealing with certain situations and now these new arcade games challenge even Me! Or at least they give it their best shot at pulling the wool over my eyes.
Some kids nudged past me as I was watching a teen boy / SniperHunter stalk and kill 18 opponents. I had to move away from theSniper game, but somehow thegame could read my emotions and pick up on some of my own thoughts and recollections. Soon the young teen boy was seeing Prairie dogs bobbing up from the ground 500 yds away. Wow, this is too much.
I stepped through the frame of an arcade game that I thought was turned off. It was like stepping into a small walkin closet.
The moment I stepped foot inside theFrame I was suddenly inside an industrial setting. Upon an oil derrick platform thousands of miles at sea and just a couple of Team mates were with me.
the game was so real that I was climbing up and down ladders, touching doors and moving them, closing them.
Except that one female team mate (who had really REALLY big balloons) slapped me when I attempted to poke her chest.
I had stepped into your typical Military commando team goes after the Badguys game and though I wasn’t popping my Credit Card to pay to play I had apparently stepped into theDemo mode of the game.
It was fun to carry theBattle rifle that was part of the game. eh... did I ever tell you guys that IRL I often carry a weapon concealed?! I’ve carried a weapon upon me since 2002 and Have mastered the basics of marksman ship, can safely carry and conceal my weapon even when I’m nude!!
I know what you’re thinking!!!! No... I carry my Baton THERE. (ahem!!!) pesky fax machine that theTribal Council installed on me years ago gets in the way of the Baton draw though.
Anyhow. theGame I stepped into was so real that for a moment my motor nuerons and the sensory cortexes were on overload from theGames cerebral stimulations and I forgot that in reaching for my Game pistol, I was reaching for my IRL piece.
“BAM, BAM, bam, BAM!!!” roared in my ears and then silence followed by unearthly panic around me.
The oil platform I was upon started to fizzle and fade, and my two well endowed female teammates with Huge balloons and pouty lips slugged me before they disappeared “Nice going Slick head!!”
I was brought back to reality as theGame I stepped in started to spark and sputter, 4 bullet holes smoked and crackled not 5 feet from me on the main interface screen. Kids, adults, even Grandparents were running and screaming past me.
I did what anyone else in that situation was doing. I panicked and ran out of theArcade room.
All of us people formed a pretty formidable herd of Panicked humanity that wouldn’t be stopped in our mass flight from theArcade room. We ran over two theater guards and 1Retiree Theatre attendant and I think that I lost a sugar cookie from my jacket pocket that I was keeping to eat later. I’m not sure.
But all I know is that I ran and ran until I got to theConcessions Line. I stopped running and slowed down, then grabbed a carry tray and slowly made my way through the line and got some popcorn, 2 pops, and a giant 20lb bag of M&M’s. Grand total of $175. 35
The concessions weren’t so expensive, it’s just that I ran into one of my “Arcade game team mates” in the Concession line.
Her name was Mary and she really was pretty, just not as tall as in the game when I first saw her. She was with her friend Chelles too, my Other team mate.
She was sleeping quietly while her brothers and boy friends were playing on theStarWarrs sword game and she fell asleep inside theTango Down game that I ended up stepping through.
Which explained why she was on her knees before me, mouth open when I first saw her........oh never mind. I had to buy her Concession treats or else she threatened to point me out to Theater staff as the One that started all the mayhem.
Next time I want to see a movie inTheatre. I’ll just kick myself in the head and burn up a couple of $100 bills. And in 30yrs when I do step into a theater game again- I’m fragging my team mates.
--thisMessage is Paid for by Nebraskan’s That Want to Keep theSam!! in Alaska--
theState!!
thousands of Nebraskans, hundreds of Villagers and thankfully, just oneSam!!
theState!!
why God Why?!! did “he” have to move here 6 yrs ago. *weeps*
theSam!!
has accomplished mediocre things for theGreatLand!! And theBaton our one Lawman has wielded is needed now in theVillages more than ever.
Take a look!!
AK Defense.
-Helped to successfully challenge and prevent Village BRAG recommendations to shut down Village Safety Officer program. In the end they just ended up shutting down power to his Office averting another send off of theLatest of his kooky emails........at least until theNext day when he traipsed on over to borrow theSchool’s computers. Ha!!! Kept them from bragging at least for another day.
-Worked to establish regional wide..... oh heck with it. He just worked for 2.5 yrs his stupid blog says.
-Helped secure future bed down for over 275+Villagers each night. Now whether or not over half of them actually went to bed is unknown but yet what IS known. Is that quiet a few of them that didn’t bed down at night, stayed up and partied. And from some of these that drank, a few got arrested, the rest were left toHangover another day. Funny how we all end up making our own beds and lying in them. That’s why theSam!! just has his own sleeping bag.
No fuss, no muss!! and Clean up of any Crackers eaten in his bed is quick and easy.
Transportation.
-Authored Hysteric Village Council Tribal Ordinances and local Village Ordinance Violations paperwork regarding Prisoner Transports to theCity-that made everyone laugh. At least theChief and a few Councilman Cronies were kept happy albeit via Laughter as theGood Medicine.
-Secured increased funding for Village port and maritime (and Merriment) facilities at theNorth boat Landing and key access locations along theSouth Village bootlegger docks. Except theIncreased Funds weren’t for theVPSO or theVillage. As over half theFundz were made by alcohol Importations during theSummer time. “But hey!! I tried.” was all he shrugged.
-Authored legislation for increased funding for airport access improvements but instead just opted to Chase everyone around theVillage in his Patrol Truck and hoped that theKids would attempt to lose him by driving Across, Next to, and By theAirstrip thus “Improving” access / clearing theWay with their own rubber tires and eventually wearing down old Trails into usable roads and by-ways thus saving theVillage tons of $ / Dough to spend elsewhere. Eventually theOfficer allowed himself to dreamBig and accessed his own funds for Flight Training of his own. As he had big hopes for other Villagers to learn to fly and get their own plane etc.
Resource Development.
-Fought to preserve local / Village Timber industry. Thus keeping all unecessary Villagers out of theWoods and away from his private walking / stalking trails he trod when patrolling around hither and *yawn* on foot. Using his Native / scouting / Navy training he was a “ghost” on foot. Recycling pine branches, grass and other flora & fondles attached to his Netting Jacket as he “6 foot-steps-a-minute up to various drinking parties out in theWoods and procured a really nice Army jacket that a Villager posted up notes around theVillage as theJacket being Lost. Black neoprene scuba booties aren’t just for Scuba Diving!! They work great summer and Winter too.
-Successfully fought off theMedia as they intruded upon his Off Duty time theDay thePipeline got “shot”, spilling thousands of gallons of crude oil upon theGround close to his assigned village of Pimento. “....hello sir, we have heard that thePipeline got shot and were wondering if you knew anything of such an event and could you please call us back here at theCity NewsMinder at 907 555****”, “yes, Officer flinghore... we understand that one of your Natives shot thePipeline earlier today, if you would be so kind as to......”
-Sponsored theVillage 15 miler sobreity (Ha!!) walk and run, or at least chipped in a $100 or so and got a really nice T-shirt from theEvent. And helped each subsequent Sobriety Walk & Run!! for theDuration of his time in theVillage.
-Sponsored no less than 50 school childrens ticket sales for various School events they had throughout theYear....*sigh*
-Lobbied to ensure that Village efforts at cleaning up all Junked Cars was completed within 2 summers. He lobbied by day and Night and procured most of his work details from various Villagers that he caught Importing Alcohol into theVillage. “Show up at theWorkplaces tomorrow to help theCouncil work crews-Or Else!!” One forward thinking Villager even offered to build theOfficer a “Sniper Nest” from a few junked out cars at a strategic location at theCar Dump.
AK Fisheries
-Sponsored the “who....Me!!??” Village Bootlegger Act (Hoomie) and worked at schmmooozing various Village Chixx and a few “Hot” older women just to get inside their homes and for rides in their cars / pickups just so he could look for the various Boat / Boat Moter / Snow-Machine engine parts that various Men, Husbands and Boyfriends had borrowed from off theCouncil Boats and Snow-Machines that were offered to HIM to use as part of his job.
(and they thought I was being so charming and friendly, looking around for my motor prop, my spark plugs, my wrenches, my Machine!! theSam!! laughed)
Getting into Personal Space was a Gift and a learned skill from years of doing Hair, Nails, Makeup, Skincare, Massage, ‘Kini Waxing etc.
-Fought to end theDerision and fingerpointing each summer after He wore his “Farmer John” shortie Neoprene scuba wetsuit while swimming in theRiver with theKids and while kicking around like a big Otter or River Rat in his Fins. After wards he’d run around screaming at his VillageChixxx girl-Friend of theDay like George Seinfeld......”theWater was Cold!!!, it was COLD!!.....Baby.... it was...col””
-Shut down all attempts by disgruntled female Villagers whom accused him of various harassments while playing with theVillageKidz during theSummer-time down by the River. He shut them down by continuing to be a Great Officer and giving much time to kids and Youth thus showing that he really was a good guy-and still is. Too bad that those who cried “Pervert” and “child molester” theLoudest were theOnes who had been or were being Abused themselves.
-Sponsored Village General Store efforts to keep “afloat” regarding use consumptions of various “Fish-Stix”, “Chowders” and other Fish related food items whenever his own fishing attempts failed. Also kept VGS afloat by using Tons of Band-aids and various cling Gauze after attempting to fish and either skewering his own clothes and flesh or else hooking some hapless villager that stood within 20’ of him when he cast theLine.
Edukashun, Famly & *cough-Wheezze* Health-Established Noon time Village Right of Way for Kintergarten Karavan of Kidz as they all ran after theSam!! throwing snow at him on their way across theVillage to eat school lunch at theLameView Lodge Grill & Chill. Later on as theKidz ran back to School, it was various “Moms and Grandparents” that pelted theHapless Officer with left over chicken nuggets, cold french fries and hard pepperoni slices as they Chased him back to theSchool!!
-Co-sponsored and Co-mediated over two dozen documented disputes that resulted from various family fights which sprang from teen-age spats amongst various Village Chixxx who decided to “make-over” their friends by hog-tying them up or Kidnapping them and holding them down. Half the time he had no idea what theFuss was about after theVictim wept and cried “just look at me!!”
“Yeah, I see, I see touches of Makeup, a bit of hairstyling, I see you got your hair cut and your friends let you wear their new clothes. You look nice, so what’s the Problem?” theSam!! queried.
Some girls were so angry and stomped off to their rooms. One girl slammed her door so hard theHouse fell down around her family, friends.
-Favored Higher Educashon Requirements over HIGH (Drug / False education requirements) by offering some short Cosmetology Skills workshops in theLocal schools for theKids.
-Helped establish Gym Night Fights and even sponsored a few upstart young Golden-gloved Toughs. And even.. even..... Helped put.......
“I’m at a loss as to what to say further. The last thing I recall after stepping into theRing against a 25 yr old Mother of one of my Kintergartners, is her angry, oh so gorgeous-Hot Native face glaring at me and then she punched me. Can’t remember anything after that.
By the way. what the heck am I doing here in Anchorage? Why am I not in theVillage working anymore? Is there a Doctor in theHouse?!!” theSam!! cried.
-Fought against theIndividuals with Disabilities Act whenever said Disabled Individuals were called “Granma” or “Granpa” and they carried and used heavy Dimond Willow canes and genuine steel walkers & walking sticks.
“I’ve been beaten too many times about theHead and Shoulders by “cute” Grams & Gramps wielding such weapons. Quite frankly I’m getting a headache thinking of about it.” sighed Sam as he rubbed his temples.
Rural AK
-Just see http://alaskavillagetales.blogspot.com/ and read allll about his Rural Village experiences. Nuff said.
National
-Supported using Regional budget surpluses to take a much needed vacation trip back East, to Amish country where theSam!! got along famously with back Woods, old time Country living people with no phones, no telephone, no Internet. theSam!! was in heaven after his DARE Officer buddies took him on a trip to see theHerschey chocolate factory. “Diabetes, here we come!!” theSam!! screamed before disappearing for hours inside theMegalithic Mall.
-Fought for Welfare reform so that none of his Villagers would be able to (sing this to the 1970’s tune “WildFire”)
“Come down off their Yellow Mtns, And their shoulders give chilling frost.
On a program they call Welfare, an Inebriate by their side.
In a blizzard He was lost. (because of theDrug bust after they bought Coke with Welfare funds and tried to cut it with Flour and he interupted their party and a big cloud of Flour was thrown in the air obscuring everyones vision while everyone panicked and ran around inside theHouse)
They ran screaming..It’s not fair!!! Ran calling...NNoot Fair....
Signed up for Welfare are...Get these hard times, right on out of our minds,
Gonna leave reality behind on Welfare are.....”
-Fought for Village Public Safety recognition State wide, Increased it’s visibility to all major cities and small communities Nationwide and even pushed theVillage!! to International boundaries by showcasing, and proudly displaying Yet protecting rural Alaska’s unique Lifestyle by introducing YukonVillages Consortium / YourVillageCalled!! (doh) to theMasses.
-theSam!! has a powerful team in VillageNess. As abraskan’s only Reformist, Conformist and not often missed when absent from anything, theSam!!
has risen to positions of immense benefit to our YVC Inc (doh!!) Region. As VPSO he was 2nd (and often he was ranked #1) to only 1 other Regional Officer in overseeing Parolees and Probationers and Summer-time Vacationers that happened to Flare up in Criminal Behavior and end up being sent to or Visiting theVillages!!
(Editors Note: We tried to contact theOther busy Officer that worked during theTime frames that theSam!! worked, but he’s overseas in Middle east HeavyCombat, “just taking a break from theVillage!!” was all he had time to say before an explosion ended thePhone call)
Why, one time theSam!! rose to 30’ off theGround out in theVillage!!, hey, someone had to erect his cable TV dish and put up his Radio tower Antanae.
And then another time theSam!! rose to 5,000ft AGL and practiced Flight RunWay Landing Approaches. Towards the end of one session theSam!! started to cut infield a little bit and his CFI / Flight Instructor casually asked, “Are you aiming to Land for the Gray strip or for the Wider strip next to it?”
“theGray strip!” intoned theSam!! over theAircraft intercomm and his female CFI playfully took theControls away, “You’re too tired big guy, Let’s go back to theHangar, BTW, that Gray strip is theTAXI runway” his CFI tskd tskd.
Let’s just say that, if this was theGirl Wrestling Federation, this TagTeam VillageNess from Abraska would be wearing Masks (if only out of Shame) from being kicked around by all theVillageChixxx!!!
-This Message Paid For by Nebraskans Who Want to Keep theSam!! in Alaska.
“Braska, Alaska, It sounds theSame to us, But the similarities end there!! Keep him away from us!!” screamed angry, well endowed, well fleshed, well fed, Hot CornHusker chixxx
theSam!!
Proud Member; Native Ancestral Home Land Security Committee since 1967!!
This prestige NAHLSC was established Thousands of years ago!
theSam!!
be charade, be Very Charade!!
theSam!!
uncommon sense and an Inebriate DT steady hand for AK Public Safety
theSam!!
if he only had a Village!!
theSam!!
and that’s That!!
moving at theSpeed of Village, having dropped theTranny, lost all 4 tires and fell asleep at theWheel over 3 yrs ago!!
theSam!!
have a Free weekend on Him!!, seriously, that’s how long it will take for you to recover after reading just 1 minute of his Blog.
theSam!!
working VPSO hard, sweating Brown with Gold trim!!
theSam!!
whose recent Resume updates include:
-Liasson for all Transients west and all Inebriates South.........of Fireweed,
-Official Tater tots taste Tester for theAlaska Princess,
-Human torch for the Div of Forestry Emergency Fire Fighter division,
-Village Nanny to a handful of Out of Control Kintergartners,
-Psychological, Moral and Ethics test experiment as part of theVillage Public Safety officer program.
We’ll just skip the part about “blaming it on the rain” when a hot female Villager wondered what that “whirring sound” was during her Massages.
theSam!!
official Photographer to Village weddings, Hoping that theBrides Dress will hold out around theBosom longer than theMarriage will last!!
theSam!!
falling into Oblivion and while we’re at it, we’ll say it again. thePainfully Obvioused
theSam!!
wanting to put his experience and commitment to work for Alaskans, if it wasn’t for his E and C, he’d have to work instead!!
theSam!!
willing to put Nebraskans first!! If only as human shields for his beloved Alaskan’s.
theSam!!
who says he’s an OLD man!!
theState!!
healthy lives, high living standards, happy Alaskans..............until 01 Nov 1999 Doh!!
theState!!
*SIGH*...............it had to be HIM!!
iMovie
I haven’t gone to a sit down show at a Movie theater since 1/2lb Popcorn tub and a 2oz Pop combos were under $15, but the other day I decided to throw caution / PFD to theWind and hitch-hiked south to theCentury Cinemas on 36th Ave.
It’s very easy to find theMovie theaters in Anchorage. Just look for flocks of Sea gulls that are attracted to the fetid stench of pop corn and butter exhaust fumes heaving out the ventilation grates.
Having Mis-read the scrolling Info screen that was atop theTicket stands I forked over a wad of $20’s to see “Flags of OurFathers”. Approaching the Ticket stands is a lot like going to DMV and to theOpticians office.
You get cold impersonal service from people that speak to you through a 2’ metal baffled grill as they stand behind 3’ of bullet proof glass while they purposely stop and start theAscending or Descending scroll of theDays movie titles and times of showing to entertain themselves watching everyone trying to figure out if a movie starts at 635a.m, 12p.m, 540a.m or if they already missed the 7a.m premiere-in theMiddle of theAfternoon!
They get incensed when you mention that you can’t read the rolling red print as it ascends like those enemy landers in the old time arcade game “star command”, yet finally when you put your face up against that 3’ of granite glass and look at the 2nd display of titles directly behind theTicket takers, just like theDMV color test-everything comes into view and you get your movie ticket.
I discovered that I was 45mins early for theNext showing, and stopped moving in the middle of the thickly carpeted floor to glance around at the endless see of people moving around me. “what do to what to do, what do I do now!” I thought to myself.
A heavy concussion of explosions followed by staccatto gunfire caught my ears and I found myself drawn toward theGame Room.
It seems that time certainly has flown by me. I’m one year shy of being 40 and I can still recall learning to drive at the tender age of 7 back on the Rexervation when I used to go looking for my Relatives at theTown Bar. One Uncle or Auntie would give me a roll of quarters and send me to the back of theBar to play on theDrag Racer game.
I loved that Nascar / Drag racing game. It had a nice comfy seat that would be akin to what ever seat is now atop a riding mower at Sears. And theSteering wheel was small and wrapped in velvety Velvet!
I’d pop my quartes into the money slot and press theStart button and theGame would spring to life. I’d find myself staring at a One Dimensional view of a street. And as theStreet would scroll / roll top to bottom of the screen I’d steer theTiny game car (which was representative of ME in the driving game) left or right and hope to not crash into various cars and obstacles in my way.
Now a days I find myself riveted to those Spectacular Car Chase scenes shown on various news channels and Funny home video shows and Scary police car chase episodes. I find myself taken back to 1970, 71, 72, 73,74 and 1975 when games as well as life was much simpler and more innocent than today 2006.
I look at todays Scary police chase scenes on tv from the eyes of an 5yr old boy and it’s a little unnerving to strangers around me when I put my hands up like I’m driving a car and am shifting imaginary gears and stepping on pedals that just aren’t there.
The OJ white bronco chase scene?!! I was there shifting radio station knobs dude, dramatic footage of a 20mph chase scene in Seattle when a man took a $500,000 Bentley for a test drive and never went back?! I was there turning UP the air conditioner and rummaging through theMini bar for Pepsi.
yep, show it to me on tv from a perspective of Looking down on things and I’m there popping quarters and falling asleep at theWheel.
But it seems that Arcade games have morphed into something out of the movie “Logans Run”. or that book-turned movie “Brave New World”
I mean, I wish to God that technology was really like that. I’d be watching Victorias Secret lingerie ads all day and looking at Nebraskan Corn field ads and actually licking and Tasting theCorn!!
And speaking of Brave New World, theSam!! can explain those marks upon his back and legs... REALLY!!! honest, I mean that, I can.
Not that I’ve been approached by any Soma pill bearing woman that passed out in front of me, but I’m just saying.
Anywho. Back to theMovie Theater arcade.
I step into theMatrix and see that all of theKids around me are focused upon Chasing through theMean streets of LA, they’re locked in Mortal Combat with theDragon Slayer and shooting down bubbles with candy Darts and slaying Zombie hordes that encroach upon mankind.
Adults, youth, even children are not only playing arcade games, They’re actually a part of todays games.
The tiny motoCross bikes that you straddle and control activate to Jumpstunt your way across miles of Desert wasteland to earn big Buck$$ with each loop roll and barrel flip you do has theRiders immersed so well into theGame that you think you’re there when you’re not.
One boy tried to kick out a leg IRL / in real life as he played theMotoCross game and kicked his Dad in theChest.
In another Arcade station, not 2, not 3 but 4 / Four young girls were busy Disco dancing on a Neon lit platform., swaying, jumping and stomping to a techno music beat. Wow, they were good. Kidz these days. Barely out of grade school and putting grown up Strippers to shame by Out choreographing them.
I’ve been a Flight Student and have memorized theCompass Rose, The 360’ / degree points of the navigational compass and including the Lats / Longitudinal spacings of the earth’s axis.
I’ve also memorized a clock face with all 12 numbers and spaces in between and thats nothing to seeing theComplexity of theSimple Neon platform theGirls were dancing upon.
As one portion of theNeon platform lit up theGirls were supposed to hit / step / touch it with their feet and they used simple G4 and SinLine Algabraeic Algo rhythms (pardon the pun) to keep up theDancing steps. Smart girls, even smarter arcade games!!
As an Sober child, as an Adult youth and now an Old man at Middle age I pride myself on being in the Middle of Violence or in the Middle of madness and I’m calm inside. I’ve learned to feel my heart beat, to slow it down, to speed it up.
I’ve mastered my emotions to the point of being scientifically sterile when dealing with certain situations and now these new arcade games challenge even Me! Or at least they give it their best shot at pulling the wool over my eyes.
Some kids nudged past me as I was watching a teen boy / SniperHunter stalk and kill 18 opponents. I had to move away from theSniper game, but somehow thegame could read my emotions and pick up on some of my own thoughts and recollections. Soon the young teen boy was seeing Prairie dogs bobbing up from the ground 500 yds away. Wow, this is too much.
I stepped through the frame of an arcade game that I thought was turned off. It was like stepping into a small walkin closet.
The moment I stepped foot inside theFrame I was suddenly inside an industrial setting. Upon an oil derrick platform thousands of miles at sea and just a couple of Team mates were with me.
the game was so real that I was climbing up and down ladders, touching doors and moving them, closing them.
Except that one female team mate (who had really REALLY big balloons) slapped me when I attempted to poke her chest.
I had stepped into your typical Military commando team goes after the Badguys game and though I wasn’t popping my Credit Card to pay to play I had apparently stepped into theDemo mode of the game.
It was fun to carry theBattle rifle that was part of the game. eh... did I ever tell you guys that IRL I often carry a weapon concealed?! I’ve carried a weapon upon me since 2002 and Have mastered the basics of marksman ship, can safely carry and conceal my weapon even when I’m nude!!
I know what you’re thinking!!!! No... I carry my Baton THERE. (ahem!!!) pesky fax machine that theTribal Council installed on me years ago gets in the way of the Baton draw though.
Anyhow. theGame I stepped into was so real that for a moment my motor nuerons and the sensory cortexes were on overload from theGames cerebral stimulations and I forgot that in reaching for my Game pistol, I was reaching for my IRL piece.
“BAM, BAM, bam, BAM!!!” roared in my ears and then silence followed by unearthly panic around me.
The oil platform I was upon started to fizzle and fade, and my two well endowed female teammates with Huge balloons and pouty lips slugged me before they disappeared “Nice going Slick head!!”
I was brought back to reality as theGame I stepped in started to spark and sputter, 4 bullet holes smoked and crackled not 5 feet from me on the main interface screen. Kids, adults, even Grandparents were running and screaming past me.
I did what anyone else in that situation was doing. I panicked and ran out of theArcade room.
All of us people formed a pretty formidable herd of Panicked humanity that wouldn’t be stopped in our mass flight from theArcade room. We ran over two theater guards and 1Retiree Theatre attendant and I think that I lost a sugar cookie from my jacket pocket that I was keeping to eat later. I’m not sure.
But all I know is that I ran and ran until I got to theConcessions Line. I stopped running and slowed down, then grabbed a carry tray and slowly made my way through the line and got some popcorn, 2 pops, and a giant 20lb bag of M&M’s. Grand total of $175. 35
The concessions weren’t so expensive, it’s just that I ran into one of my “Arcade game team mates” in the Concession line.
Her name was Mary and she really was pretty, just not as tall as in the game when I first saw her. She was with her friend Chelles too, my Other team mate.
She was sleeping quietly while her brothers and boy friends were playing on theStarWarrs sword game and she fell asleep inside theTango Down game that I ended up stepping through.
Which explained why she was on her knees before me, mouth open when I first saw her........oh never mind. I had to buy her Concession treats or else she threatened to point me out to Theater staff as the One that started all the mayhem.
Next time I want to see a movie inTheatre. I’ll just kick myself in the head and burn up a couple of $100 bills. And in 30yrs when I do step into a theater game again- I’m fragging my team mates.
--thisMessage is Paid for by Nebraskan’s That Want to Keep theSam!! in Alaska--
theState!!
thousands of Nebraskans, hundreds of Villagers and thankfully, just oneSam!!
theState!!
why God Why?!! did “he” have to move here 6 yrs ago. *weeps*
theSam!!
has accomplished mediocre things for theGreatLand!! And theBaton our one Lawman has wielded is needed now in theVillages more than ever.
Take a look!!
AK Defense.
-Helped to successfully challenge and prevent Village BRAG recommendations to shut down Village Safety Officer program. In the end they just ended up shutting down power to his Office averting another send off of theLatest of his kooky emails........at least until theNext day when he traipsed on over to borrow theSchool’s computers. Ha!!! Kept them from bragging at least for another day.
-Worked to establish regional wide..... oh heck with it. He just worked for 2.5 yrs his stupid blog says.
-Helped secure future bed down for over 275+Villagers each night. Now whether or not over half of them actually went to bed is unknown but yet what IS known. Is that quiet a few of them that didn’t bed down at night, stayed up and partied. And from some of these that drank, a few got arrested, the rest were left toHangover another day. Funny how we all end up making our own beds and lying in them. That’s why theSam!! just has his own sleeping bag.
No fuss, no muss!! and Clean up of any Crackers eaten in his bed is quick and easy.
Transportation.
-Authored Hysteric Village Council Tribal Ordinances and local Village Ordinance Violations paperwork regarding Prisoner Transports to theCity-that made everyone laugh. At least theChief and a few Councilman Cronies were kept happy albeit via Laughter as theGood Medicine.
-Secured increased funding for Village port and maritime (and Merriment) facilities at theNorth boat Landing and key access locations along theSouth Village bootlegger docks. Except theIncreased Funds weren’t for theVPSO or theVillage. As over half theFundz were made by alcohol Importations during theSummer time. “But hey!! I tried.” was all he shrugged.
-Authored legislation for increased funding for airport access improvements but instead just opted to Chase everyone around theVillage in his Patrol Truck and hoped that theKids would attempt to lose him by driving Across, Next to, and By theAirstrip thus “Improving” access / clearing theWay with their own rubber tires and eventually wearing down old Trails into usable roads and by-ways thus saving theVillage tons of $ / Dough to spend elsewhere. Eventually theOfficer allowed himself to dreamBig and accessed his own funds for Flight Training of his own. As he had big hopes for other Villagers to learn to fly and get their own plane etc.
Resource Development.
-Fought to preserve local / Village Timber industry. Thus keeping all unecessary Villagers out of theWoods and away from his private walking / stalking trails he trod when patrolling around hither and *yawn* on foot. Using his Native / scouting / Navy training he was a “ghost” on foot. Recycling pine branches, grass and other flora & fondles attached to his Netting Jacket as he “6 foot-steps-a-minute up to various drinking parties out in theWoods and procured a really nice Army jacket that a Villager posted up notes around theVillage as theJacket being Lost. Black neoprene scuba booties aren’t just for Scuba Diving!! They work great summer and Winter too.
-Successfully fought off theMedia as they intruded upon his Off Duty time theDay thePipeline got “shot”, spilling thousands of gallons of crude oil upon theGround close to his assigned village of Pimento. “....hello sir, we have heard that thePipeline got shot and were wondering if you knew anything of such an event and could you please call us back here at theCity NewsMinder at 907 555****”, “yes, Officer flinghore... we understand that one of your Natives shot thePipeline earlier today, if you would be so kind as to......”
-Sponsored theVillage 15 miler sobreity (Ha!!) walk and run, or at least chipped in a $100 or so and got a really nice T-shirt from theEvent. And helped each subsequent Sobriety Walk & Run!! for theDuration of his time in theVillage.
-Sponsored no less than 50 school childrens ticket sales for various School events they had throughout theYear....*sigh*
-Lobbied to ensure that Village efforts at cleaning up all Junked Cars was completed within 2 summers. He lobbied by day and Night and procured most of his work details from various Villagers that he caught Importing Alcohol into theVillage. “Show up at theWorkplaces tomorrow to help theCouncil work crews-Or Else!!” One forward thinking Villager even offered to build theOfficer a “Sniper Nest” from a few junked out cars at a strategic location at theCar Dump.
AK Fisheries
-Sponsored the “who....Me!!??” Village Bootlegger Act (Hoomie) and worked at schmmooozing various Village Chixx and a few “Hot” older women just to get inside their homes and for rides in their cars / pickups just so he could look for the various Boat / Boat Moter / Snow-Machine engine parts that various Men, Husbands and Boyfriends had borrowed from off theCouncil Boats and Snow-Machines that were offered to HIM to use as part of his job.
(and they thought I was being so charming and friendly, looking around for my motor prop, my spark plugs, my wrenches, my Machine!! theSam!! laughed)
Getting into Personal Space was a Gift and a learned skill from years of doing Hair, Nails, Makeup, Skincare, Massage, ‘Kini Waxing etc.
-Fought to end theDerision and fingerpointing each summer after He wore his “Farmer John” shortie Neoprene scuba wetsuit while swimming in theRiver with theKids and while kicking around like a big Otter or River Rat in his Fins. After wards he’d run around screaming at his VillageChixxx girl-Friend of theDay like George Seinfeld......”theWater was Cold!!!, it was COLD!!.....Baby.... it was...col””
-Shut down all attempts by disgruntled female Villagers whom accused him of various harassments while playing with theVillageKidz during theSummer-time down by the River. He shut them down by continuing to be a Great Officer and giving much time to kids and Youth thus showing that he really was a good guy-and still is. Too bad that those who cried “Pervert” and “child molester” theLoudest were theOnes who had been or were being Abused themselves.
-Sponsored Village General Store efforts to keep “afloat” regarding use consumptions of various “Fish-Stix”, “Chowders” and other Fish related food items whenever his own fishing attempts failed. Also kept VGS afloat by using Tons of Band-aids and various cling Gauze after attempting to fish and either skewering his own clothes and flesh or else hooking some hapless villager that stood within 20’ of him when he cast theLine.
Edukashun, Famly & *cough-Wheezze* Health-Established Noon time Village Right of Way for Kintergarten Karavan of Kidz as they all ran after theSam!! throwing snow at him on their way across theVillage to eat school lunch at theLameView Lodge Grill & Chill. Later on as theKidz ran back to School, it was various “Moms and Grandparents” that pelted theHapless Officer with left over chicken nuggets, cold french fries and hard pepperoni slices as they Chased him back to theSchool!!
-Co-sponsored and Co-mediated over two dozen documented disputes that resulted from various family fights which sprang from teen-age spats amongst various Village Chixxx who decided to “make-over” their friends by hog-tying them up or Kidnapping them and holding them down. Half the time he had no idea what theFuss was about after theVictim wept and cried “just look at me!!”
“Yeah, I see, I see touches of Makeup, a bit of hairstyling, I see you got your hair cut and your friends let you wear their new clothes. You look nice, so what’s the Problem?” theSam!! queried.
Some girls were so angry and stomped off to their rooms. One girl slammed her door so hard theHouse fell down around her family, friends.
-Favored Higher Educashon Requirements over HIGH (Drug / False education requirements) by offering some short Cosmetology Skills workshops in theLocal schools for theKids.
-Helped establish Gym Night Fights and even sponsored a few upstart young Golden-gloved Toughs. And even.. even..... Helped put.......
“I’m at a loss as to what to say further. The last thing I recall after stepping into theRing against a 25 yr old Mother of one of my Kintergartners, is her angry, oh so gorgeous-Hot Native face glaring at me and then she punched me. Can’t remember anything after that.
By the way. what the heck am I doing here in Anchorage? Why am I not in theVillage working anymore? Is there a Doctor in theHouse?!!” theSam!! cried.
-Fought against theIndividuals with Disabilities Act whenever said Disabled Individuals were called “Granma” or “Granpa” and they carried and used heavy Dimond Willow canes and genuine steel walkers & walking sticks.
“I’ve been beaten too many times about theHead and Shoulders by “cute” Grams & Gramps wielding such weapons. Quite frankly I’m getting a headache thinking of about it.” sighed Sam as he rubbed his temples.
Rural AK
-Just see http://alaskavillagetales.blogspot.com/ and read allll about his Rural Village experiences. Nuff said.
National
-Supported using Regional budget surpluses to take a much needed vacation trip back East, to Amish country where theSam!! got along famously with back Woods, old time Country living people with no phones, no telephone, no Internet. theSam!! was in heaven after his DARE Officer buddies took him on a trip to see theHerschey chocolate factory. “Diabetes, here we come!!” theSam!! screamed before disappearing for hours inside theMegalithic Mall.
-Fought for Welfare reform so that none of his Villagers would be able to (sing this to the 1970’s tune “WildFire”)
“Come down off their Yellow Mtns, And their shoulders give chilling frost.
On a program they call Welfare, an Inebriate by their side.
In a blizzard He was lost. (because of theDrug bust after they bought Coke with Welfare funds and tried to cut it with Flour and he interupted their party and a big cloud of Flour was thrown in the air obscuring everyones vision while everyone panicked and ran around inside theHouse)
They ran screaming..It’s not fair!!! Ran calling...NNoot Fair....
Signed up for Welfare are...Get these hard times, right on out of our minds,
Gonna leave reality behind on Welfare are.....”
-Fought for Village Public Safety recognition State wide, Increased it’s visibility to all major cities and small communities Nationwide and even pushed theVillage!! to International boundaries by showcasing, and proudly displaying Yet protecting rural Alaska’s unique Lifestyle by introducing YukonVillages Consortium / YourVillageCalled!! (doh) to theMasses.
-theSam!! has a powerful team in VillageNess. As abraskan’s only Reformist, Conformist and not often missed when absent from anything, theSam!!
has risen to positions of immense benefit to our YVC Inc (doh!!) Region. As VPSO he was 2nd (and often he was ranked #1) to only 1 other Regional Officer in overseeing Parolees and Probationers and Summer-time Vacationers that happened to Flare up in Criminal Behavior and end up being sent to or Visiting theVillages!!
(Editors Note: We tried to contact theOther busy Officer that worked during theTime frames that theSam!! worked, but he’s overseas in Middle east HeavyCombat, “just taking a break from theVillage!!” was all he had time to say before an explosion ended thePhone call)
Why, one time theSam!! rose to 30’ off theGround out in theVillage!!, hey, someone had to erect his cable TV dish and put up his Radio tower Antanae.
And then another time theSam!! rose to 5,000ft AGL and practiced Flight RunWay Landing Approaches. Towards the end of one session theSam!! started to cut infield a little bit and his CFI / Flight Instructor casually asked, “Are you aiming to Land for the Gray strip or for the Wider strip next to it?”
“theGray strip!” intoned theSam!! over theAircraft intercomm and his female CFI playfully took theControls away, “You’re too tired big guy, Let’s go back to theHangar, BTW, that Gray strip is theTAXI runway” his CFI tskd tskd.
Let’s just say that, if this was theGirl Wrestling Federation, this TagTeam VillageNess from Abraska would be wearing Masks (if only out of Shame) from being kicked around by all theVillageChixxx!!!
-This Message Paid For by Nebraskans Who Want to Keep theSam!! in Alaska.
“Braska, Alaska, It sounds theSame to us, But the similarities end there!! Keep him away from us!!” screamed angry, well endowed, well fleshed, well fed, Hot CornHusker chixxx
theSam!!
Proud Member; Native Ancestral Home Land Security Committee since 1967!!
This prestige NAHLSC was established Thousands of years ago!
theSam!!
be charade, be Very Charade!!
theSam!!
uncommon sense and an Inebriate DT steady hand for AK Public Safety
theSam!!
if he only had a Village!!
theSam!!
and that’s That!!
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