Happy Easter 2007!!
I had meant to say something off theCuff!! and from theHeart earlier, but kept putting it off.
I want to say something about Easter and share a few experiences.
As I grew up I was taught in theChristian ways of theLatter-Day Saints (theMormons).
While on theFarm in southeast Idaho, as part of an White foster family whom took me into their homes as part of theLDS churchwide, Indian Student Placement Program (now it's closed),
I learned more about Easter than the usual family gatherings and Easter-egg hunts, theEasterBunny making overnight deliveries of candy & goodies, etc.
I learned that Easter was also a time to reflect upon Jesus Christ and his Birth, Ministry & Death upon this Earth thousands of years ago.
In the 1970's era of Mormon Sunday services, we sang hymns about Jesus Christ and I remember that even an occasional Fast Sunday / a day where an Open mike on the Podium is available to Audience members to speak a few minutes, mostly on a small Special event near to them and then of them More or Less bearing their Testimony of the Truthfulness of theLDS church,
was set aside for Easter, theWard programs were set up as to reflect upon the Nature of the Holidays we LDS once respected. Christmas month was about Jesus Christ and not about Joseph Smith.
But even I can understand that as things grow and evolve, things change and new directions are taken and inevitably-some things get left out and left by the way side.
At least that's what I recall happening,
Time may have erased details here and there about my Life, but I lived it, and was there steadily in Church for well over 2 1/2 decades and later was in theTemple on a weekly basis for over 5 1/2 yrs while in Seattle.
It's true that theTemple ceremonies have changed.
But I had wonderful times at theSeattle Temple when ever I attended.
Often I would silently weep, sit there and take in the spirit of theReverant Celestial room.
I never could understand how I would be sitting next to some man who fell asleep during Temple ceremonies would then, after making it through, in the end would whisper to his friends about his latest Real estate deals and talk about worldly matters when instead they should have been talking upon what points of Spiritual insight they learned.
I would quietly mouth the entire temple session words and after a time, I had it memorized.
And years later, in themidst of Chaos and worldlyness, such sacred events are my Center.
My grounding of self. an anchor for my Soul.
I should know what was taught then as opposed to what was taught most recently and then is being taught now. I can only say this.
That as much as I love theLDS church, even though I am not currently active due to Work and other Personal issues, I find it most disturbing when current teachings reflect more upon certain Prophets and such than in our namesake, which is Jesus Christ.
But that's just me, I'm not a Joseph Smith lover.
I do believe what was taught to me at an early age and what I came to accept later on in my Youth about theProphet Joseph.
I loved theChurch and believed in it enough to go on a 2 yr LDS mission.
In that time frame and in that capacity as "Missionary" I did teach about Jesus Christ.
And when in Investigator Discussions to prospective members / Investigators, I did tell the events that Joseph Smith had experienced as I believed in them, and still do.
But I don't worship him like I see current LDS members do, or as I see them "appear to do".
Such important historical figures I'm sure we will one day get to meet. And I will shake their hands and thank them for what work they did, be they craftsman, inventors, musicians, prophets of God.
Having failed at much of the typical Mormon taught / ingrained things to do;
marry young and father Kids, kids Kids!!,
attend church every week with theWife and get a nice cushy job after attending College for many Years, living in theMormon populated areas of Idaho or Utah, etc etc.
I have focused my Life upon Public Safety & Security, and am currently atLarge in that regard, But I look at it this way now.
That just like school, You learn to read and write, you learn math, sciences, phys. ed, etc and can progress in such areas and more if you climb on up through college and higher forms of Educations.
So it is in Life, that you progress in Vocations and in experiences with People.
And I have much experience in Life, with a few vocations and after dealing with Thousands, tens of thousands of People!!
I am an LDS Church Success, and at the same time, I am an LDS Church Failure.
I have been taught the way to live, accepted it and have done my duties within the Church and later on in adulthood, I failed to be what I had hoped to be within theLDS church.
I was angry, and still am, at Self, at God, at various so-called friends and a few Fiance's I've had, women that attempted to link their White culture with My Native American culture via marriage.
I've had many failures in my vocations too.
But overall, I am a success in Life, because I do not give up living for, and hoping for that success that God & Jesus promise to those that Endure.
Most recently, while I was a VPSO to theVillage!! here in AK,
I had to leave theVillage overnight and packed up a bunch of stuff.
I thought I had packed up my Scriptures, those big black books that I bought way back in High school, the Kind of books with years and years of Sunday school & Seminary lessons legibly written out in pen and pencil throughout their Pages.
I don't have those books anymore.
They are near and dear to me, but I have since replaced those scriptures with new unmarked ones.
I had everything in those Old / Lost scriptures,
some family geneology, some notes written to me by trusted friends,
I even had my Patriarchal blessing stashed away.
But I have copies of that, and still believe and hope in the Promised words that were given to me via an Man of God, an Church Patriarch.
But here I sit without all those old things I held dear and yet I am not Lost.
Because I am an Native American, and even if I didn't have a White mans / JosephSmith's religion, I would still have my God, my Creator as my ancestors & Family know them to be.
even in my day to day life here in Anchorage, people anger at me and stare, and wonder just what is it that makes me tick?
What drives me and what helps me?
Why am I not running to theState all the time for Welfare, for Housing, for a Job, for $?
Why am I not thrill seeking and living a Go to Hell lifestyle?
After all the shit I've been through?!
Because I have been brought up theWay to go,
theWay to be by Both Native and Church authorities,
and from neither will I stray.
Yet, in some ways I have moved away from both,
But I'm still here.
Yesterday for Easter sunday I slept in a bit and then went out of theApt for a walk downtown.
I work Security 10hrs a day, 5 to 6 days a week and I was enjoying 2 of 3 days off.
Later on today I will work on my 3rd day off.
My EasterSunday was spent walking and in much reflection.
I also spent time repairing an used, worn Acoustic Guitar that I bought from thePawn shop nearby.
I replaced theNut and theBridge and hope that theString tension will keep everything in place.
So far, theStrings are in tune still, and my many months of steady practice on an cheap battered guitar (that I took parts off of and threw away) are paying off by sweeter sounding music.
Take what is useful and discard what is not I say, in life, in work, and in Religion.
I also ate some good dinner at an local restaurant and walked some more and then returned back to my Apt.
I did not go to theLDS services where I often visit.
No one from that local anchorage ward talks to me,
no one asks of my welfare, none invite me home, none take time out for me at all.
Even a year ago when I first moved here to Anchorage, some Church people took down my name & address, phone number, but I never heard from them again.
That is a sharp contrast to what I've experienced in other places where I have lived,
where I have many fond memories of "True Christians" living what they were taught and
being Charitable to someone less fortunate.
In Seattle, I had a few Church friends, they even took time to introduce their single females family members to me. I was grateful for such offerings, for what might have been, for what I tried to do in the name of my Religion.
And lastly, my Easter sunday was spent in quiet music.
I'm learning some LDS tunes, by ear, on theViolin I bought.
My goal is to eventually go to theNative hospitals and other hospitals & hospices so I can play Christian hymns and other Church songs via Guitar & Violin.
I'll be doing that within a year, by next spring, the way I'm practicing and memorizing tunes.
Little by little.
So in my little world, in my LDS church Inactivity,
I still keep the words of Christ in my heart.
And liken His teachings unto me, to make his words My own and apply them to my life as I am able.
My failure as a Village Public Safety Officer, in leaving theVillage instead of staying will always haunt me.
I will not forget the faces of some of theKids that stopped by and saw that I was packing up to leave.
I was leaving them,
I, theOfficer who had served them,
whom had at times protected them and did make village life much safer.
In my most desparate times in theVillage when facing gunmen and other hostility, I was not alone.
For my Savior Jesus Christ was with me too.
My ancestors walked with me as well.
My military brothers and my LEO brothers and sisters were with me when I was out there,
Far Out There.
I cannot fight theEnemies of my Church,
but can only talk to them, with them if I need to vent various subjects that only disgruntled people could ever understand.
And oddly enough, in my need to reach out and relate some things Church related I do speak to people that will listen.
I have seen many changes within my beloved Church over the decades and it's starting to worry me.
Because for one, us Natives are no longer held in high regard.
We are ignored and kept apart.
And I for one, should have been married long ago,
should be fighting with and being an example to my....... to my 18yr old kids right about now.
Or else I should be with my fiance/ Wife from Seattle and our oldest children at 10 about now.
Or at the latest, an young lady I met in Nov 2006 should be already married to me by now.
But she's not friendly anymore and I leave her alone, let her stare and watch & wonder.
I have other friends, Life goes on.
I am happy and I make my life and my Eternities right now.
And yet some people are incredulous that I am all alone and still strong in many respects.
I am this way because of theLDS Church, and I am this way because of my Life's experiences.
My White & Native grandfathers used to tell me,
that I'd participate in Wars in the future. That I would survive theComing plagues.
That I would lead my People where ever I was at.
These things and much more those old men spake to me.
And I believe them.
You better believe that I'm terrified at what will happen to us,
to my Country very soon.
But do not fear if you are a good person.
Don't be afraid,
Don't run,
fight if you have to,
But don't run, that is all I can say for now.
There's an old Native saying or motto,
That Courage & Bravery are respected and left standing while
those silently watching lie very still.
Happy Easter from a Jesus Christ lover.
He is theSon of God theEternal Father and they Both live now, Today.
They are very real.
I have seen them as they appeared to me as an infant and as a child,
and in my Youth they visited me during dreams and sickness,
I have seen them as well in stressful sleep and in sickness during my Church mission.
And I have seen them in dreams as recently as two years ago.
They are real. And in theEternities they want us to be like them.
What is so hard to understand about that concept?!
They have good things in store for us here on Earth, but for a time,
this earth and it's Govt's must plunge into darkness and collapse and be ruled by Satan.
Even our America and our Democratic govt will cease to exist.
He too is very real, he fights against ALL goodness, he wants everyone on earth to be poor.
To sit around homeless, idle, jobless, no $, no ambitions. no hope, no future and he doesn't give a damn about me or you either.
I will not speak of him anymore.
I will continue some more village experiences.
I balk at adding to "theMan in theSuitcase".
I have the writings, I'm just scared at posting.
My fictional writings aren't as scary as the real events but I post away and hope for the best.
Even theState of AK, in it's holding down of theNatives & of me, isn't helping it's future at all.
I should be in uniform somewhere,
I should be in a position of power to continue to help theNative peoples.
I will be returned to my rightful place though, and thePeople that held me back and fought to keep me out of Uniform will suffer dearly.
These are my words and my words alone. I will live by them and die by them.
Happy Easter everyone.
And Happy April 2007
theSam!!
samuel lee flyinghorse
anchorage alaska
I want to say something about Easter and share a few experiences.
As I grew up I was taught in theChristian ways of theLatter-Day Saints (theMormons).
While on theFarm in southeast Idaho, as part of an White foster family whom took me into their homes as part of theLDS churchwide, Indian Student Placement Program (now it's closed),
I learned more about Easter than the usual family gatherings and Easter-egg hunts, theEasterBunny making overnight deliveries of candy & goodies, etc.
I learned that Easter was also a time to reflect upon Jesus Christ and his Birth, Ministry & Death upon this Earth thousands of years ago.
In the 1970's era of Mormon Sunday services, we sang hymns about Jesus Christ and I remember that even an occasional Fast Sunday / a day where an Open mike on the Podium is available to Audience members to speak a few minutes, mostly on a small Special event near to them and then of them More or Less bearing their Testimony of the Truthfulness of theLDS church,
was set aside for Easter, theWard programs were set up as to reflect upon the Nature of the Holidays we LDS once respected. Christmas month was about Jesus Christ and not about Joseph Smith.
But even I can understand that as things grow and evolve, things change and new directions are taken and inevitably-some things get left out and left by the way side.
At least that's what I recall happening,
Time may have erased details here and there about my Life, but I lived it, and was there steadily in Church for well over 2 1/2 decades and later was in theTemple on a weekly basis for over 5 1/2 yrs while in Seattle.
It's true that theTemple ceremonies have changed.
But I had wonderful times at theSeattle Temple when ever I attended.
Often I would silently weep, sit there and take in the spirit of theReverant Celestial room.
I never could understand how I would be sitting next to some man who fell asleep during Temple ceremonies would then, after making it through, in the end would whisper to his friends about his latest Real estate deals and talk about worldly matters when instead they should have been talking upon what points of Spiritual insight they learned.
I would quietly mouth the entire temple session words and after a time, I had it memorized.
And years later, in themidst of Chaos and worldlyness, such sacred events are my Center.
My grounding of self. an anchor for my Soul.
I should know what was taught then as opposed to what was taught most recently and then is being taught now. I can only say this.
That as much as I love theLDS church, even though I am not currently active due to Work and other Personal issues, I find it most disturbing when current teachings reflect more upon certain Prophets and such than in our namesake, which is Jesus Christ.
But that's just me, I'm not a Joseph Smith lover.
I do believe what was taught to me at an early age and what I came to accept later on in my Youth about theProphet Joseph.
I loved theChurch and believed in it enough to go on a 2 yr LDS mission.
In that time frame and in that capacity as "Missionary" I did teach about Jesus Christ.
And when in Investigator Discussions to prospective members / Investigators, I did tell the events that Joseph Smith had experienced as I believed in them, and still do.
But I don't worship him like I see current LDS members do, or as I see them "appear to do".
Such important historical figures I'm sure we will one day get to meet. And I will shake their hands and thank them for what work they did, be they craftsman, inventors, musicians, prophets of God.
Having failed at much of the typical Mormon taught / ingrained things to do;
marry young and father Kids, kids Kids!!,
attend church every week with theWife and get a nice cushy job after attending College for many Years, living in theMormon populated areas of Idaho or Utah, etc etc.
I have focused my Life upon Public Safety & Security, and am currently atLarge in that regard, But I look at it this way now.
That just like school, You learn to read and write, you learn math, sciences, phys. ed, etc and can progress in such areas and more if you climb on up through college and higher forms of Educations.
So it is in Life, that you progress in Vocations and in experiences with People.
And I have much experience in Life, with a few vocations and after dealing with Thousands, tens of thousands of People!!
I am an LDS Church Success, and at the same time, I am an LDS Church Failure.
I have been taught the way to live, accepted it and have done my duties within the Church and later on in adulthood, I failed to be what I had hoped to be within theLDS church.
I was angry, and still am, at Self, at God, at various so-called friends and a few Fiance's I've had, women that attempted to link their White culture with My Native American culture via marriage.
I've had many failures in my vocations too.
But overall, I am a success in Life, because I do not give up living for, and hoping for that success that God & Jesus promise to those that Endure.
Most recently, while I was a VPSO to theVillage!! here in AK,
I had to leave theVillage overnight and packed up a bunch of stuff.
I thought I had packed up my Scriptures, those big black books that I bought way back in High school, the Kind of books with years and years of Sunday school & Seminary lessons legibly written out in pen and pencil throughout their Pages.
I don't have those books anymore.
They are near and dear to me, but I have since replaced those scriptures with new unmarked ones.
I had everything in those Old / Lost scriptures,
some family geneology, some notes written to me by trusted friends,
I even had my Patriarchal blessing stashed away.
But I have copies of that, and still believe and hope in the Promised words that were given to me via an Man of God, an Church Patriarch.
But here I sit without all those old things I held dear and yet I am not Lost.
Because I am an Native American, and even if I didn't have a White mans / JosephSmith's religion, I would still have my God, my Creator as my ancestors & Family know them to be.
even in my day to day life here in Anchorage, people anger at me and stare, and wonder just what is it that makes me tick?
What drives me and what helps me?
Why am I not running to theState all the time for Welfare, for Housing, for a Job, for $?
Why am I not thrill seeking and living a Go to Hell lifestyle?
After all the shit I've been through?!
Because I have been brought up theWay to go,
theWay to be by Both Native and Church authorities,
and from neither will I stray.
Yet, in some ways I have moved away from both,
But I'm still here.
Yesterday for Easter sunday I slept in a bit and then went out of theApt for a walk downtown.
I work Security 10hrs a day, 5 to 6 days a week and I was enjoying 2 of 3 days off.
Later on today I will work on my 3rd day off.
My EasterSunday was spent walking and in much reflection.
I also spent time repairing an used, worn Acoustic Guitar that I bought from thePawn shop nearby.
I replaced theNut and theBridge and hope that theString tension will keep everything in place.
So far, theStrings are in tune still, and my many months of steady practice on an cheap battered guitar (that I took parts off of and threw away) are paying off by sweeter sounding music.
Take what is useful and discard what is not I say, in life, in work, and in Religion.
I also ate some good dinner at an local restaurant and walked some more and then returned back to my Apt.
I did not go to theLDS services where I often visit.
No one from that local anchorage ward talks to me,
no one asks of my welfare, none invite me home, none take time out for me at all.
Even a year ago when I first moved here to Anchorage, some Church people took down my name & address, phone number, but I never heard from them again.
That is a sharp contrast to what I've experienced in other places where I have lived,
where I have many fond memories of "True Christians" living what they were taught and
being Charitable to someone less fortunate.
In Seattle, I had a few Church friends, they even took time to introduce their single females family members to me. I was grateful for such offerings, for what might have been, for what I tried to do in the name of my Religion.
And lastly, my Easter sunday was spent in quiet music.
I'm learning some LDS tunes, by ear, on theViolin I bought.
My goal is to eventually go to theNative hospitals and other hospitals & hospices so I can play Christian hymns and other Church songs via Guitar & Violin.
I'll be doing that within a year, by next spring, the way I'm practicing and memorizing tunes.
Little by little.
So in my little world, in my LDS church Inactivity,
I still keep the words of Christ in my heart.
And liken His teachings unto me, to make his words My own and apply them to my life as I am able.
My failure as a Village Public Safety Officer, in leaving theVillage instead of staying will always haunt me.
I will not forget the faces of some of theKids that stopped by and saw that I was packing up to leave.
I was leaving them,
I, theOfficer who had served them,
whom had at times protected them and did make village life much safer.
In my most desparate times in theVillage when facing gunmen and other hostility, I was not alone.
For my Savior Jesus Christ was with me too.
My ancestors walked with me as well.
My military brothers and my LEO brothers and sisters were with me when I was out there,
Far Out There.
I cannot fight theEnemies of my Church,
but can only talk to them, with them if I need to vent various subjects that only disgruntled people could ever understand.
And oddly enough, in my need to reach out and relate some things Church related I do speak to people that will listen.
I have seen many changes within my beloved Church over the decades and it's starting to worry me.
Because for one, us Natives are no longer held in high regard.
We are ignored and kept apart.
And I for one, should have been married long ago,
should be fighting with and being an example to my....... to my 18yr old kids right about now.
Or else I should be with my fiance/ Wife from Seattle and our oldest children at 10 about now.
Or at the latest, an young lady I met in Nov 2006 should be already married to me by now.
But she's not friendly anymore and I leave her alone, let her stare and watch & wonder.
I have other friends, Life goes on.
I am happy and I make my life and my Eternities right now.
And yet some people are incredulous that I am all alone and still strong in many respects.
I am this way because of theLDS Church, and I am this way because of my Life's experiences.
My White & Native grandfathers used to tell me,
that I'd participate in Wars in the future. That I would survive theComing plagues.
That I would lead my People where ever I was at.
These things and much more those old men spake to me.
And I believe them.
You better believe that I'm terrified at what will happen to us,
to my Country very soon.
But do not fear if you are a good person.
Don't be afraid,
Don't run,
fight if you have to,
But don't run, that is all I can say for now.
There's an old Native saying or motto,
That Courage & Bravery are respected and left standing while
those silently watching lie very still.
Happy Easter from a Jesus Christ lover.
He is theSon of God theEternal Father and they Both live now, Today.
They are very real.
I have seen them as they appeared to me as an infant and as a child,
and in my Youth they visited me during dreams and sickness,
I have seen them as well in stressful sleep and in sickness during my Church mission.
And I have seen them in dreams as recently as two years ago.
They are real. And in theEternities they want us to be like them.
What is so hard to understand about that concept?!
They have good things in store for us here on Earth, but for a time,
this earth and it's Govt's must plunge into darkness and collapse and be ruled by Satan.
Even our America and our Democratic govt will cease to exist.
He too is very real, he fights against ALL goodness, he wants everyone on earth to be poor.
To sit around homeless, idle, jobless, no $, no ambitions. no hope, no future and he doesn't give a damn about me or you either.
I will not speak of him anymore.
I will continue some more village experiences.
I balk at adding to "theMan in theSuitcase".
I have the writings, I'm just scared at posting.
My fictional writings aren't as scary as the real events but I post away and hope for the best.
Even theState of AK, in it's holding down of theNatives & of me, isn't helping it's future at all.
I should be in uniform somewhere,
I should be in a position of power to continue to help theNative peoples.
I will be returned to my rightful place though, and thePeople that held me back and fought to keep me out of Uniform will suffer dearly.
These are my words and my words alone. I will live by them and die by them.
Happy Easter everyone.
And Happy April 2007
theSam!!
samuel lee flyinghorse
anchorage alaska
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