You Might Be Having Too Much Fun If.....
-As VPSO
you look for Villagers!! to take to theCityJail that's over 200+ miles away.
Even though you've been awake 4 days, you're so Exhausted and the trees are starting to walk around!!
*sigh*
And people still don't believe you when you HouseSat for two families one summer and actually Lost a House when it ran away!!
-As an FlightStudent
when doing "S" turns over an imaginary 2mile long line you ask your CFI / certifiedFlightInstructor if she wants the "S's in Cursive, TimesNewport or WingDings!! and she shows you the bottom of her shoes.
In fact- You can relate after reading that one flightMagazine article on "Flight Students Most Memorable Experiences", and one man wrote in,
"that at 5,000' my CFI wanted me to do steep "S" turns and steep turns Around an Stationary Object, Basically we bank theAirCraft Steeply left or right and "Put" theWing tip "Upon" an object on the ground as we turn,"
"and when I banked to theRight real hard, I heard a noise and I looked right (where my CFI should have been) was an empty seat and I glimpsed my CFI's shoes falling away!!"
And when doing preFlight checks of theCessna trainer you skip using theFuelCup and just catch the 5oz of fuel per 3 wing outlets in your MOUTH!!
After all, you're an Officer in theVillage!! and tasted worse when theVillageChixxx!! sneak up on you and kiss you!
In fact, you impress your CFI when she sees that you "LICK" the front cowling clean of leaking motor oil from theCowlingRivets
but you embarrassed her that day when she sat in theRight seat and you were outside "Licking" off theWindScreen of bugs when a group of flight company tourists taxid past.
-As MassageTherapist
you grind and polish your own therapy stones,
you make no less than 50 stones and the Biggest stone dwarfs a 1 litre pop bottle but just to be safe,
you keep a couple of champagne & wine bottles for the really discriminating female clients whom insist on theRectalSacral work!!
and after losing 2 previous wine bottles to clients you remembered to tether the bottles with rope and vinyl shrink wrapping which increased the overall diameter of the bottles by 3" all around but oddly enough,
no one seems to mind.
-As VPSO
your idea of Networking is Literally Bouncing ideas off people's heads while they're in custody.
"And whom gave you keys to the car? was it your cousin?!
Oh, it was your uncle tom?!
when was this?",
When, *Biff!!*,
Was, *BOP!!*,
this!? *Slap!!*
"Answer me damnit!!"
-As VPSO
you only got into uniform just for the Free Internet,
and you ended up sulking quietly for 2.5 yrs while theHealthAides,
theTribalCouncilOffices, theWIC office, theYouthPrograms and half theSledDog yards in town got free Internet,
that is, everyone else but YOU.
-as an Civilian
now adays your idea of going Out is standing in line at StateAid offices and socializing with all theKidz in line and chattin' with the single mommies,
while you wait your turn to apply for foodStamps, housing assistance, clothing issue and food bank vouchers!!
-As HairStylist
you spent two days per electrical styling implement and reWired all of your dozen tools so that if any other ditzy Stylist tried to use them while you were off or away on break,
the Heat settings on theCurling irons would be either Too High or not hot enough and it took management 3hrs to get theBuilding Mgr to cut power just so everyone could safely re enter theSalon after your turbo Hair dryer knocked down two stylist stations,
gouged a 5' hole in the wall and became entangled upon the magazine racks and potted frond plants and spun round-and-round in a blurred circle of death!!
After 2 months of various unexplained mishaps involving use of your tools by other Stylists, while in your absence, theSalon mgr consulted an Wig Manufacturer and started selling wigs to half her clientele.
-As SecurityOfficer
working OverTime liquor store patrol, you based your patrol route on theShift schedules and delivery times of Produce that was delivered to Whomever theDayBefore!!
day old breads and discarded canned goods never tasted so good!!
-as ViolinStudent
you draw your own CrossHatch boxes (representative of 4 vertical Violin strings) and you play TicTac toe!! instead of learning Moveable Scales,
this you do AFTER working your way through all 4 basic positions in 8 months.
And looking at your dismantled "pawnShop Special" acoustic guitar you can't tell theFretBoard from theStickers you put on it,
marking scale notes, chord placement, harmonic keys AND "Lefthand here"-"Righthand here" marks as well.
In fact, if it wasn't for an odd YouTube posting of an KeyBoard recording that you taped, no one would believe you that can't even see theKeys of your CasioKeyboard anymore,
What with your reminder stickers covering up theKeys as well.
-As an Forum Site Member
as you scroll down theList of Topics people see your ScreenName!! as having Authored or RecentlyAnswered all the Topics from as recent as 3 mins ago going back to 2002!!
and you DIDN'T even create theSites you visit and post to!! Yet your own blogger and mySpace accounts sit idle for months!!
And right now, you've got 4 webmasters who've granted you ALL access because, quite frankly, You're On line more than they are!!
-As an Part Time Restaurant DishWasher
you find yourself talking to all thePretty serverGirls!! not because they're cute or when they bear your ShiftMeal from theFrontGrills,
and certainly not when they come bearing any soda pop drinks for you every 2hrs,
It's because they usually have on their platters, "Unused" wine drinks and other Clean alcohol to toss out but you're Quick to snap up these clean drinks,
and lately the smell of sweet grapes just puts a smile on your face, ehh.. until you see that an certain BusGirl is on shift with you,
Then you're both pissed off at each other because both of you ended up in court last month fighting over whom has exclusive rights to said "unused drinks and desserts items",
if it wasn't for theUnion membership helping you keep your job, theManagers would have fired both your asses after your first knockdown drag out over that one glass of unfinished chianti!!
who cares if she's blazin' Hot to look at, she wants that drink that you got your eyes on too!!
-As an Insurance Qualifier
from what part time jobs you hold,
you look at the "Domestic Beneficiaries" list definitions and can NOW truly put down about 6 different girlfriends as an DomesticBeneficiary!!
-As an Rising Sued-Chef!!
you actually look forward to playing with fire!!
By jigging theOiled up Saute pans and flaming theGrease up high and no one can wipe the smile off your face,
when you get to Crystalize the sugar for the various Custard desserts, and when melting down theBlueCheese crumbs upon peoples burgers, Salads, fish dishes with a small Propane blowTorch!!
-As an Avid Collector
of various Handheld PowerTools,
You get sharp discounts at Sears, at SBS, at AceTrueValue and a dozen other hardware stores,
You get first pick of Inhouse / Instore specials & gimmick gifts during holidays and you've sat through many WoodCutting, Masonry Finishing, Vinyl & Carpeting workshops in Store too. And it's not because you are a LicensedContractor or an Craftsman of theHome,
It's because of theDemands of your Salon Clients!!
What with theNew advancements in theApplications of Body Lotions, Jels and Firming creams!! theStuff goes on all creamy and smooth but hardens up and you have to Hammer & Chisel the stuff off,
But you've become quite theJigSaw cutting expert!! Not to mention your Smooth-as-Silk finishing techniques when doing Facials, FacePeels, BodyScrubs and various Pedicures with an Industrial handHeld PowerGrinder!!
YOU might see pretty women with Touches of Rouge or else PancakeMakeup,
But I see 8oz of Water and 3oz of SpacklePowder, Trowled on theFace & neckLine and after 15mins I gotta blow through 3 Polish Wheels just to get those gorgeous faces shining!!
.....and I'm not even gonna touch upon bikini waxing here!!
Yep, I'm having so much fun.
luvs, theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
you look for Villagers!! to take to theCityJail that's over 200+ miles away.
Even though you've been awake 4 days, you're so Exhausted and the trees are starting to walk around!!
*sigh*
And people still don't believe you when you HouseSat for two families one summer and actually Lost a House when it ran away!!
-As an FlightStudent
when doing "S" turns over an imaginary 2mile long line you ask your CFI / certifiedFlightInstructor if she wants the "S's in Cursive, TimesNewport or WingDings!! and she shows you the bottom of her shoes.
In fact- You can relate after reading that one flightMagazine article on "Flight Students Most Memorable Experiences", and one man wrote in,
"that at 5,000' my CFI wanted me to do steep "S" turns and steep turns Around an Stationary Object, Basically we bank theAirCraft Steeply left or right and "Put" theWing tip "Upon" an object on the ground as we turn,"
"and when I banked to theRight real hard, I heard a noise and I looked right (where my CFI should have been) was an empty seat and I glimpsed my CFI's shoes falling away!!"
And when doing preFlight checks of theCessna trainer you skip using theFuelCup and just catch the 5oz of fuel per 3 wing outlets in your MOUTH!!
After all, you're an Officer in theVillage!! and tasted worse when theVillageChixxx!! sneak up on you and kiss you!
In fact, you impress your CFI when she sees that you "LICK" the front cowling clean of leaking motor oil from theCowlingRivets
but you embarrassed her that day when she sat in theRight seat and you were outside "Licking" off theWindScreen of bugs when a group of flight company tourists taxid past.
-As MassageTherapist
you grind and polish your own therapy stones,
you make no less than 50 stones and the Biggest stone dwarfs a 1 litre pop bottle but just to be safe,
you keep a couple of champagne & wine bottles for the really discriminating female clients whom insist on theRectalSacral work!!
and after losing 2 previous wine bottles to clients you remembered to tether the bottles with rope and vinyl shrink wrapping which increased the overall diameter of the bottles by 3" all around but oddly enough,
no one seems to mind.
-As VPSO
your idea of Networking is Literally Bouncing ideas off people's heads while they're in custody.
"And whom gave you keys to the car? was it your cousin?!
Oh, it was your uncle tom?!
when was this?",
When, *Biff!!*,
Was, *BOP!!*,
this!? *Slap!!*
"Answer me damnit!!"
-As VPSO
you only got into uniform just for the Free Internet,
and you ended up sulking quietly for 2.5 yrs while theHealthAides,
theTribalCouncilOffices, theWIC office, theYouthPrograms and half theSledDog yards in town got free Internet,
that is, everyone else but YOU.
-as an Civilian
now adays your idea of going Out is standing in line at StateAid offices and socializing with all theKidz in line and chattin' with the single mommies,
while you wait your turn to apply for foodStamps, housing assistance, clothing issue and food bank vouchers!!
-As HairStylist
you spent two days per electrical styling implement and reWired all of your dozen tools so that if any other ditzy Stylist tried to use them while you were off or away on break,
the Heat settings on theCurling irons would be either Too High or not hot enough and it took management 3hrs to get theBuilding Mgr to cut power just so everyone could safely re enter theSalon after your turbo Hair dryer knocked down two stylist stations,
gouged a 5' hole in the wall and became entangled upon the magazine racks and potted frond plants and spun round-and-round in a blurred circle of death!!
After 2 months of various unexplained mishaps involving use of your tools by other Stylists, while in your absence, theSalon mgr consulted an Wig Manufacturer and started selling wigs to half her clientele.
-As SecurityOfficer
working OverTime liquor store patrol, you based your patrol route on theShift schedules and delivery times of Produce that was delivered to Whomever theDayBefore!!
day old breads and discarded canned goods never tasted so good!!
-as ViolinStudent
you draw your own CrossHatch boxes (representative of 4 vertical Violin strings) and you play TicTac toe!! instead of learning Moveable Scales,
this you do AFTER working your way through all 4 basic positions in 8 months.
And looking at your dismantled "pawnShop Special" acoustic guitar you can't tell theFretBoard from theStickers you put on it,
marking scale notes, chord placement, harmonic keys AND "Lefthand here"-"Righthand here" marks as well.
In fact, if it wasn't for an odd YouTube posting of an KeyBoard recording that you taped, no one would believe you that can't even see theKeys of your CasioKeyboard anymore,
What with your reminder stickers covering up theKeys as well.
-As an Forum Site Member
as you scroll down theList of Topics people see your ScreenName!! as having Authored or RecentlyAnswered all the Topics from as recent as 3 mins ago going back to 2002!!
and you DIDN'T even create theSites you visit and post to!! Yet your own blogger and mySpace accounts sit idle for months!!
And right now, you've got 4 webmasters who've granted you ALL access because, quite frankly, You're On line more than they are!!
-As an Part Time Restaurant DishWasher
you find yourself talking to all thePretty serverGirls!! not because they're cute or when they bear your ShiftMeal from theFrontGrills,
and certainly not when they come bearing any soda pop drinks for you every 2hrs,
It's because they usually have on their platters, "Unused" wine drinks and other Clean alcohol to toss out but you're Quick to snap up these clean drinks,
and lately the smell of sweet grapes just puts a smile on your face, ehh.. until you see that an certain BusGirl is on shift with you,
Then you're both pissed off at each other because both of you ended up in court last month fighting over whom has exclusive rights to said "unused drinks and desserts items",
if it wasn't for theUnion membership helping you keep your job, theManagers would have fired both your asses after your first knockdown drag out over that one glass of unfinished chianti!!
who cares if she's blazin' Hot to look at, she wants that drink that you got your eyes on too!!
-As an Insurance Qualifier
from what part time jobs you hold,
you look at the "Domestic Beneficiaries" list definitions and can NOW truly put down about 6 different girlfriends as an DomesticBeneficiary!!
-As an Rising Sued-Chef!!
you actually look forward to playing with fire!!
By jigging theOiled up Saute pans and flaming theGrease up high and no one can wipe the smile off your face,
when you get to Crystalize the sugar for the various Custard desserts, and when melting down theBlueCheese crumbs upon peoples burgers, Salads, fish dishes with a small Propane blowTorch!!
-As an Avid Collector
of various Handheld PowerTools,
You get sharp discounts at Sears, at SBS, at AceTrueValue and a dozen other hardware stores,
You get first pick of Inhouse / Instore specials & gimmick gifts during holidays and you've sat through many WoodCutting, Masonry Finishing, Vinyl & Carpeting workshops in Store too. And it's not because you are a LicensedContractor or an Craftsman of theHome,
It's because of theDemands of your Salon Clients!!
What with theNew advancements in theApplications of Body Lotions, Jels and Firming creams!! theStuff goes on all creamy and smooth but hardens up and you have to Hammer & Chisel the stuff off,
But you've become quite theJigSaw cutting expert!! Not to mention your Smooth-as-Silk finishing techniques when doing Facials, FacePeels, BodyScrubs and various Pedicures with an Industrial handHeld PowerGrinder!!
YOU might see pretty women with Touches of Rouge or else PancakeMakeup,
But I see 8oz of Water and 3oz of SpacklePowder, Trowled on theFace & neckLine and after 15mins I gotta blow through 3 Polish Wheels just to get those gorgeous faces shining!!
.....and I'm not even gonna touch upon bikini waxing here!!
Yep, I'm having so much fun.
luvs, theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
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