AlaskaVillageTales

WHAT EVER!! Out With the Old!! And in with theNew theSam!! realizes that with every day that passes, the Year 2006 fades away and 2007 approaches, but not one to dwell upon theObvious, eh, at least for too long. theSam!! has a few things to say once again, to close out theOld Year. theSoldiers are Coming!! theSam!! would just like to say that November and December brings good blessings in disguise. Lately I’ve been working in Security and though I want to do something else with my time, each day brings someone into my Life that I talk with and share something positive with. Twice already this Month I’ve seen some Villagers from here and there. A few I’ve not seen for over 5 years, others I’ve not seen for 2 to 3 years now and it’s good to see that they’re still alive after I left employment as VPSO overnight so long ago in one Village. One angry young man from theVillage is now dead. Shot during an argument over drugs. It was said that he was a murderer of another Village yout...

11Dec 2006 thePrincessSam!! Well it’s official. theAlaskanPrincess is just an airhead. When we showed her theDancePole results she just stared at us blankly through her Hoop-Flamed theme Goth-Contac lenses with her coal black eyes and nonchalantly shrugged her soft, bare white shoulders and skipped away bare footed clacking her bubble gum. She E-mailed us later with terse words about others using her Dance Pole in theWildernessLodge Bar without her knowledge and demanded compensation from all the Lodge females that had used her stage & Pole. Wage and Labor laws only required us to backdate any and all applicable aggrandizement fees to applicable current and past LodgeDancers to 5yrs. So far that’s alright with herThighness. And she ended her E-mail tirade by saying that “being an Airhead was better than being a PezDispenser!” BytheWay, “has anyone seen her SpongeBob & PatrickStarFish candies??” what ever. theAlaskanPrincess!! these are just a few of Her Favorite things. When ...

the12 Days of Village!! Give the gift that just keeps on giving...and... um. No, not THAT gift, the kind that subsides with pills or shots. But give the gift of a lifetime!! Subscribe your friends to theBlog that ends all Blogs. Send them to me, theSam!! and it will change the way they Live, improve their balance and relieve the painful itching and burning. Ooops, Writing and watching tv at the same time, sorry. theSam!! theOnly Officer to derail off theFast Track!! into theSlow lane bound for life in theVillage. theSam!! moreDefinitive than HDTV!! Officer, did you or did you not see my Client on theNight of the14th!? I.. aye..I.....um... I might have sir. Might have?!, MIGHT HAVE?! Did you or did you not see my client that night?! He zipped by me so fast on theSnowMachine, left a swirling wake of billowing snow. I followed this wake, this cloud of snow towards theVillage until I reached theCrash site. But no one was there when I got out of thePatrol Vehicle, so I followed his trac...

Last Nov I wrote about theTurkey shoot we had in theVillage and the resulting chaos we had during the festivities. You were there when theTurkeys in theTruck broke out and made their bid for freedom as they ran away. We still haven't found the last 2 missing Villagers among theMany that dove into the deep snow banks-running Not from theTurkeys-but from Granma as she innocently waved around her loaded shotgun. It was a misfire or something, wouldn't fire for her and she turned around asking for help with theFire arm and literally "covered" everyone half a dozen times. You were there when theCurrent CPO / community police officer was theOnly safe person in theVillage as he slipped into thePatrol vehicle and after donning his spit-hood, seatbelts and other restraints-Closed his eyes and hung on as his vehicle was rocked and battered not only from theTurkeys running amok, but also from theDamage as thePanicky Villagers fled theScene after a mini demolition derby trying...

Hambone theSam!! whom lives on theOutskirts of Mountain View!! but would rather be UP theSkirt where it’s nice and warm, since it’s Cold Novemburrrrr!!! theSam!! more diabolical than a Real Estate Agent, and Twice as poor!! theSam!! who’s latest Village Arrests include some guy made of Snow with a Broomstick in his hands, he was running here and there all around theVillage square saying, “Catch me if you can!!” theSam!! ended theEscape with a shotgun blast to the guys white, round head. theMangled Carrot fell...”thumpity-thump Thump” Fri 03 Oct 2003 to theVillage MintoCouncil. As I write this letter it is the early morning hours...I have been out for most of the night on theVillage and out on theMintoRoad Patrolling with theCrownVictoria.... After parking thePatrol care here at theLodge, sometime after 013hrs I noticed that my Nissan pickup was sitting lower than normal.....I found that my pickup tires were damaged again. Earlier today (Thur 02 Oct 2003) I gave tcc VPSO director JK a...

How To Tell If You’re Still Being Stalked By theAlaskan Princess Here’s some words from theSam!! whom used to work for thePrincess and unfortunately is still being stalked by herHighness. 1. You still think Positively and still surround yourself by others who think the same! $10 left in theBank account and you’re weak from hunger but theSmackDown Girls are in town?? Where do I buy tickets? Can I get a ride to theClub?! Dudes, I know a way to get in theBack door and crawl through the false ceilings to get into their dressing rooms. 2. You avoid the trap of demanding too much of yourself and instead always demand Too Much for Yourself. Besides, nothing was too good or ever enough for thePrincess clients. Why shouldn’t her ex-employees benefit too? Order the 5000Channel Satellite tv package, Get Biggie sizes for Pop, Fries and the 4 for a dollar apple pies at McDees, and insist that your friends always address you as theGuardMeister when they speak of you. 3. You always get help...