HumpDaySam!!
VillageTale!!News:
Do not fear death; fear the un-lived life.
Translation!!: don't worry about Granma / granpa,
fear theBabyBump!! d:oP under their Grandaughterz "Snoopy", "DARE", "heavyMetalBand" T-shirt, for that cuteBump will soon become a blip on your VPSO radar for 18...
no.
for 72yrs!! even when you've served only a handful of that time in theVillage!!
and they only live to be mid50's!!
An also ran:
.....fear thePissedOff Wife!! d:oO -shocked!!-
theSam!! Hit’s HumpDay!!
-theSam!!
bloggist of a thousandPosts,
and yet only 3 comments received as feedback!!
sheeeeeesh!!
-theSam!!
whos head has a thousand hairs!!
but why couldn’t they congregate more on that spot just next to his crown!?
-theSam!!’s RussianBarTender!! / ServerGirl!!
who’s own pixieCut hairdo loses a few hair heads every time she brings his food & drinks!!
and her lungs lose a few sneezing bursts of air too!!
and there was that specimen addition to his OrangeJuice one time.....
-theSam!!
of whom it can be said,
that when paying for school lunch long ago, he was ahead of his time, as were most of the young restless kids of that day,
theTeacher / LunchFee’s taker commented to theHungry!!
“Sam!!, slow down, you can’t just swipe your hand and walk away leaving money!!,
now get back here so I can slowly count out this money and chide you and keep you here with me and let you go eat when I'm good and ready!!"
Now, circa 2008,
theSam!! just swipes theVisa and walks away with his BK meal,
and btw,
one fastFood worker is an grayHaired, harried woman in her late 60’s!!
-theSam!!
whos recent SnailMail receivings state;
that theBirthdayBoy!! can save $15 by spending $75 to eat at theIncrediblyExpensiveBar where he used to wor..... Where he used to SLAVE at!!
that theMiddleAger!! can save Save SAVE!! 25% on markedUP discounted stuff priced HalfOff yet, due to high fuel prices statewide, were recently rePriced at 120% just because theGM / generalManagers trendyWife needs new Pumps and Mules and theKids need that last summer VacationTrip to mexico w/ theNanny (sans Mother!!) before school starts!!
that he may have alreadyWon!!,
but he just needs to send back the envelope with all coupons filled out and 5 stickers placed upon thePrizeBox,
..............Hmmm.
there must be a reason for the 10 new front Teeth!!
So as to smile when mrMcMan todders n dodderz up theApt stairs to ring theDoorBell.
-theSam!!
yeah...
still LAZY after all these years,
and Graying too,
but slowly losing weight and size too!!
-theSam!!
for whom theSaying!!, “theEye’s have it!!” certainly means alot.
Because upon waking up, he reaches for his glasses so his “Eyes” can see!!
and after every meal, heads for the nearest restroom to brush and floss his filled & restored“EyeTeeth” so they won’t fall further apart!!
-theSam!!
still able to see theWritingOnTheWall!!,
albeit, a more blurred, Hazy, disportionate configuration of Writing,
You’d think that whomever came up with “Captcha query” on theInet had also approached their early 40’s yrs of age too
and just got inspired by theConnected & Skewed letters and N0mb3r5 that they see each day upon waking up and seeing things blurry too.
-theSam!!
still a happy go lucky teen,
since turning 31 a decade ago....
erhh.
since turning “13” a decade ago!!
-theSam!!
whos MiddleAgeSpread is taken very seriously,
theCheese flavored Whip!!,
theREAL!! butter or any other sinful succulent “spread” must be applied and layered more towards the “Middle” of theOily piece of IndianFriedBread,
oh..
and theCheese varietys upon his Hoagy sandwiches, his Pizza’s,
his Calzone’s and theSpoonful’s of cool creamCheese and sourCream MUST be aged!!
-theSam!!
now able to hug “any” female of any age without reservation and without fears and worrys from them about any UlteriorMotives!!,
welllllll,
except for that sexHarrassment charge at work a month ago,
but then again, she’s young, dumb and apparently, due to a black eye and swollen face theOther day, now a Beaten girlfriend!! (of someone else)
-theSam!!
who’d gladly trade some “Age” and “Treachery” for some Flexibility!!
as it’s kind of hard to lift theFeet and tie one’s shoes!!
and it’s kind of hard to bend over and touch one’s knees!!
but then again,
AAALLL pieces of that CheeseCake were eaten up last month after “ONE” bite was accidently dropped onto the floor and in one fell swoop,
theSam!!, while still sitting and holding a Guitar in his lap / in front of him, fully bent forward and Over,
and reached back 3’ / 3 feet under the bed and rescued that morsel of cheeseCake!!
-theSam!!
who apparently has theLife!!
just not theHouse, theCar, theWife & Kidz,
theMortgage, theWorkBuddies,
the....
wait.. Scratch that,
There are a couple of drinkingBuddies from work now,
-theSam!!
for whom “MashUp” isn’t Slang, or a Handle or Inet lexicon for assembling video and Hip, Cool music and putting it all in place for friends and family to see and admire,
Apparently,
he just assembles his “Handles” into place over his hips all the while listening to Hip, Cool music on his walkMan
and hoping that family and friends will pretend not to see his sucked in Gut!! and quite frankly,
won’t admire theFaux-Svelte slender figure!!
And lastly,
for whom MashUp!! isn’t just an Inet term, but an Food & Beverage term meaning,
“I’d like to eat MashedPotatos please!!”, and put a lot of gravy on them,
“I wanna put so much gravy on theSpuds that I have to play DevilsTower like in that neat space / ufo movie,
CloseEncounters of the......
of the.....”
*gets blank looks from the 19yr old FoodLine serverGirl!!*
-theSam!!
theRadio song, “Show me How to Live!!” might be an catchy chorus for certain Karoke singers and practicing vocalists alike,
but to him, the words have changed to,
“I lived like that!?”, “wow, you mean I did that!? and lived!?”
And that’s just incredulity about time spent with Mama!!
d:oP
-theSam!!
who’s YouTube!! backGround photo sez it all about theMan!!
asleep half theTime, eyes closed theOther!!
and he calls it “Practice!!”
-theSam!!
way beyond Happiness and Sadness,
but just this side of Madness!!
and that’s cos theKnees and Back ache more each day,
making it darn near impossible to approach Madness any quicker-er-ereeerer er-er!!
-theSam!!
SammyGottaGun!!, or at least he had them,
I mean, he still does,
but since he’s having his teeth cleaned, reBuilt, reEnameled, rootCanaled and fixed up,
at least it won’t be another 2 or 3 decades till he can say,
Sammy’sGottaGUMS!!
-theSam!!
no longer able to run away from thePain!!,
like his YouTube profilePic!!, he just closes his eyes, pretends thePain!! isn’t there,
or else, quietly drinks it away once a week or so then hits theInet!! and just annoys the hell out of his friends.
d:oP
-theSam!!
hocusPocus, if my eyes could Focus!!
They just might if I quit drinking for the night!!
-theSam!!
more and more emulating those Grunge singers, those BluesMasters and MetalGodz each day!!
His “Yea-ahh Yeah!” like curtCobain,
his “how howhowwHow!! and growling” like Howlin’Wolf
and his halford!! / Priest like screams REALLY ARE coming more and more from the poorBoys soul!!
and Sole!! (of foot) every time he steps on a thumbtack falled off theWall,
or everytime he stubs his toes early mornings headin’ to the bathroom to pee!!
-theSam!!
robZombie sings it best. “livingDeadGirl!!”
only in Sam!!’s case, with each passing year, “living?! DEAD!! !!!!”
-theSam!!
theGetUp&Go not only dogGone-Gone&DoneIt!!
but actually sent vacation pics and streamingVids of theWild, wet women where theSam!!, by now, couldaBeen!!
-theSam!!
theCountrySong, “ifYourReadingThis!!” doesn’t quite yet apply to the4thDecade!! just yet,
cos first, he’s gotta find THEN clean his glasses, or at least, find his SofLenses and reClean them before applying them overCorneas,
BEFORE ever thinking of (blurredly) reading anything.
-sad, incredibly SAD!!- d:o(
-theSam!!
less and less like Sam!! with each passing year,
and more and more like “AL!!” from HappyDAYS,
Ahhhhh,yep yep yep!!
However, still very much like PatMorita from happyDays due to making those “phphphhphpttttt!!” sounds albeit, NOT with his mouth, or armpits!!
-theSam!!
unlike WalMart,
savingLess and livingMore!!
-theSam!!
unlike his DentalFloss,
unwilling and unable to REACH to those back Molars that still exist!!
-theSam!!
now hiding his DentalFloss from theGirls!!
lest they steal his supplies to mend, fix, repair and expand upon their Bar & Restaurant costumeGetUps!!
-theSam!!
less and less theWorkForceSolution!! and more and more like theWorkForceProblem!!
theCompany!! would have a word with him,
if he’d only show UP to work first!!
-theSam!!
outSourced, yet Now nothing outShines him!!, erhhh...
At least theSheen!! of his oily face after a few hours in theBackKitchen!!
outSourced, outShinededed-ed, and OutDrinking!!
-theSam!!
of whom theCompany pleads,
“we’d like for HIM to be on your team!!, anyone...anyone...Anyone!!”
-theSam!!
apparently a prime example of theCompanyMotto,
a BoldNewLook!!
theEmbarassed!!sez, “YOU wake up last minute all groggy from dentist Drugs, pain Meds, middleAge!! and get dressed and hop theBus to work,
only to find that you put on your Tweety & Sylvester jammyBottoms, your PowerRanger showerSandals and left your HooterGirls!! t-shirt on,
however, you live in theHood!! and everyone was complimenting you upon your new HairCut (bedHead style)
and where’d you get the rips from in your nice denim jacket!!
(a $25 coat from Kmart that 8yrs ago, EVERY Native in alaska bought one, It’s denim with kahki sleeves!!)
-theSam!!
whos Life!!, like his guitarMusic was like an OpenChord!!
but then got theFinger!!, got barred!!,
got “Bar”-ed (as in employment IN one)
and like theFinger!!, his Life is now somewhere InBetween in Age!! (Middle!! age)
-theSam!!
everyone wonders...... how everyone ELSE does it!!
.....being acquaintances, coWorkers, friends and family of Sam!! that is.
-theSam!!
whos X-Box isn’t a game console and 1st person role playing mayhem!!
but is instead an “X” marked in Pen upon various JobApplicant forms,
and whom revels in 3rdPerson references of Self in forum and Blog posts!!
-theSam!!
d:oP
---------------------------------
Sad Eyes
Today (Wednesday) I find myself a complete opposite of what I used to be years ago.
I woke up early ready to bus to work but my mouth was still in pain from Mondays rootCanal at theHospital,
and then I missed theBus to work,
so I stood there watching traffic zoom by and thought to myself.
I've been a good little boy, have been a goodly man all these years and I'll be damned if I can't just say "FuckIt" today and go do something else other than running myself ragged washing Dishes,
so I said, "fuckIt!!" and textMessage a friend,
Earlier this week we had agreed to go see a movie later this week,
She texted me back and we agreed that today, Wed, we'd go see a movie.
So I stepped back into my lil apt in theHood!! and plugged in my acousticGuitar to theAmp and practiced some chordProgressions until my friend called to say she was on her way,
It was great to socialize once again,
not that my other rideAlong moments with my Leo / security / courier buddies and various rideHomes from theHospital with coWorkers, and rides from a female buddy now and then aren't any less social,
but, each person, event is different and new for me,
I slowly found myself opening up a bit and talking about theWeather, a newMall store opening up soon here in Anchorage,
we talked of once having lived in the same Midwest states and being around tornados and hail, and rain, I could almost smell the faint ionized odor from theLightning strikes,
could barely smell the newness of postRainstorm,
but my ladyFriend was wearing a pleasant, soft scent and that too was comforting.
A small part of me awoke for a moment when headed to theMovieTheatre with my friend,
it was back when I was a MassageTherapy student in Seattle.
When my classMates and I started in lateSpring and then got moved to summerClass to balance out the schools class schedules,
I don't know how that happened, I don't count theBeans-in a manner of speaking, I'm not theOffice type so Logistics and Bookwork like that means nothing to me,
What does matter to me is the day to day social interaction with people around me,
and if I like said people, I go out of my way to interact with them, kinda like I used to do and how I used to be when I did Hair and was learning Massage!!
One classMate was a female, she was blonde and beautiful, so happy and yet, her eyes were sad. And as it turned out, like "most" females, she was needy.
And not in a bad way, it's just that, as a typical whitePerson she was comfortable with stuff that White people liked, and she was comfortable around chatty people.
She was clean living and dressed nice, and I admired her for being such a nice person, for looking so good and because she took some time each day to chat with me face to face.
I thought of her today while riding with my ladyFriend here in Anchorage,
did once again, see my old schoolMate of WA state fame, did once again, recall how "she" used to smell, recalled her breath, could almost taste her shampoo & conditioner!!
For us Massage students used to work on each other, and ALL of us at one time did Massage one another,
But my old friend in Seattle, was in worse states of Living than many of us classMates of hers had thought,
for she was a DVE / domestic violence event victim,
my older femaleClassMate who was so nice, would get beat up regularly by her husband,
She came to school one day with a blackEye,
and I kept away from her out of shame, out of shame for being a Man,
out of guilt for being what gender victimizes and enslaves womanKind-a male.
Many female classMates did hug my friend,
in fact, many faculty and staff at school didn't say anything to her,
all except a few Instructors who took her away privately and chatted with her,
I tried to forget that moment, that whole day in fact, and for the most part,
until today (aug 2008) I did.
Some women just smell nice and exhude a sense of female beauty, and captivate men around them, what I experienced today AND many years ago,
*sniff-Sniff!!*
But then the heady aroma of movieTheatre popcorn and BUTTER!! got my attention and I completely forgot about my female friend and her beautiful daughter that joined us to see theMummy!! movie, about theDragonEmporer.
I'm glad I didn't go to work today,
I'm glad I got more time in getting my chordTransitions more smoother,
I'm glad I got to ride theBus awhile and see Life around me, observe more people and talk with some of them,
I guess I'm just burnt out washingDishes and I don't want to go back.
I can only hope that theBarStars!! 6week long school that I signed up for WILL start this coming Monday as promised by theOwner!!
She kept putting us students off for a couple of weeks; sick Instructors, a death in the family.
I know that in the end, of life, that when looking back on things,
that these schoolings, these trainings, these ideals and traditions,
these silly things that many of us hold Important and Necessary to have and to achieve and to sacrifice for won't really mean much,
What matters in the end is what I did First; for myself,
and then, after being happy,
To possibly do for others in making them happy, in serving them and helping people to be good, and for us all to do more and become more than what we currently are.
What will matter is what I have / or had in my heart,
what will matter to my God and to my Christ as they meet me, and review myLife with me and will Judge me, or rather, will let Me judge Myself,
is if I did be kind to others,
what will matter is if I helped other people for THEIR needs first,
Lately I'm not doing any of that,
I hide from Life now, I accept mediocre jobs, I hide my talents from the world, as it were, and I just get by with Rent, cellphone bills, in fact, I'm way below thePovertyLine.
But I'll get back into life again soon,
I'll be in Uniform once again and making above 45K like my last year as VPSO, when I made 41K,
to me, serving in a LawEnforcement uniform isn't about high pay and selfish benefits,
it's about being able to help others,
I loved being a VPSO,
because it was just ME against theWorld out there in theVillage!!
but there were also other good villagers that helped me, and they Taught me how to do my job, in fact, some literally kept me alive by bringing their own guns to theFight when I had none and yet,
stood just yards, mere feet from Gunman and I didn't back down, and neither did those helpful villagers, they earned my respect!!
Back then I never woke up while in theVillage!! as a VPSO and say,
"you know what?!, nobody listens to me and everyone's drinking and...
just fuckit!!, I'm going back to sleep!!"
I never said that.
A part of me might have wanted to think that, but I never did that either.
And now, today, Wednesday 06 Aug 2008, my head and jaw & neck still hurt from my recent rootCanal procedure,
my tired body said "No", about going to work,
and I said to hell with this, and I did something else trivial, something else so important to me and I had a great day,
in fact,
I should have spent that last hour of evening time, while waiting for the bus Outbound to theHood, over at theHotel where I always play piano!! but today I didn't go plink and play,
I'm Sam!!
and little by little I'm letting go of what matters least to me and am still changing into a man I should have been 10, 20, even 30yrs ago,
someone that thought of ME first, then could turn around and help others.
Even though theLDS / Mormon church did much good to help me,
overall, it just fucked up my life and I hate that fucking Cult!!
But all I can keep doing now is to reclaim a lost part of me and keep focusing on my talents and interests that I put aside for many years,
I can only look after ME now, instead of worrying about other people, whom for the most part, Might not Ever want to change, or might not Ever Want my help to begin with,
in fact, today I didn't wear my Firearms!!
I scratched my vacant side and wiggled my arms while eating popcorn in theMovie theatre,
I carry my Glocks in custom sewn lycra & spandex undershirts, in small pockets right up high and tight under my armpits, or in center chest and wear baggy shirts or a sizeLarger top over my lil' buddies.
Or else I wear / carry in smallOfTheBack or in a jockStrap type carry in my pants / jeans,
I never carry anything on my feet or boots,
I'm not afraid to tell anyone this, it's just me.
A part of what I did and probably will still do, as some part of me that clings to being PublicSafety atLarge will always mandate that I do something, or carry a tool, or be ready to step into public events & emergencies,
I haven't given up completely on that part of my life,
I haven't given up on some things in life that are absolutely necessary.
And that means, being able and willing, and being there when all Life and Civilization collapses around us,
If I give up totally,
then I am the one man that put that black eye on the face of my Massage school classMate long ago,
if I give up totally on core Beliefs and Values, on Customs and other behavioral etiquette that I once embraced,
then I also abused my other classMates, ALL of which were female at that time in my life, and I also did abuse my own family and loved ones of long ago,
If I give up totally,
then I too am responsible for the problems of this world around me, near and far.
And I don't know about any of you dear readers, but I hate to think of sad, sad eyes looking back at me from Anyone if I let them down.
I'm also glad that, today Wednesday, I got to spend some short time with a femaleFriend and to be chatty,
because it also lifted my spirits up from my Depression,
believe me, sometimes my Glocks look damn wonderful but what other honest human being HASN'T ever had the thought of Suicide pass through their mind!?
I'm glad that I got to get out of this rut I'm in, from being used by theHospital and by my Managers and bosses, because they promote everyone else in the back kitchen and hire on new people and still I wash dishes,
It's just like the old jobs at theAnchor!! and at Sullivan'sSteakHouse,
where oneChef promised and promised to teach me foodPrepping and showed an interest in promoting me,
and where anotherChef promised to promote me and for a short time actually DID, but then sent me back to theDishPits,
Those careless bosses, my old managers only hurt themselves by not helping Another person to succeed, they only belittled themselves and didn't promote the company or their cause by discrimination, holdingBack and even stealing opportunity from me,
Now I see all of that behavior again and today I walked away from it,
For now I still need work at theHospital until I finish that BarTending training I signed up for.
for now I can still wash dishes for NANA,
and if needed, I can still be my friendly self and be chatty and trusting and huggy and trusting of others and have a budding friendship betrayed by accusations of Sex Harassment. But I won't.
I'll be ok,
I'll be nice, I'll still hang in there and remember someone from the past and will remember to keep on succeeding each day by serving and by helping,
I'm glad about todays events,
because it let me know, selfishly, that I'm a great person.
It let me know that I am human and that I can't be strong like I thought I was,
it let me know that I needed to take a break from everything and get out of my apt.
Live,
Live and Serve!!
do nothing else.
luvs,
theSam!!
samuel l flyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
alaskavillagetales
Do not fear death; fear the un-lived life.
Translation!!: don't worry about Granma / granpa,
fear theBabyBump!! d:oP under their Grandaughterz "Snoopy", "DARE", "heavyMetalBand" T-shirt, for that cuteBump will soon become a blip on your VPSO radar for 18...
no.
for 72yrs!! even when you've served only a handful of that time in theVillage!!
and they only live to be mid50's!!
An also ran:
.....fear thePissedOff Wife!! d:oO -shocked!!-
theSam!! Hit’s HumpDay!!
-theSam!!
bloggist of a thousandPosts,
and yet only 3 comments received as feedback!!
sheeeeeesh!!
-theSam!!
whos head has a thousand hairs!!
but why couldn’t they congregate more on that spot just next to his crown!?
-theSam!!’s RussianBarTender!! / ServerGirl!!
who’s own pixieCut hairdo loses a few hair heads every time she brings his food & drinks!!
and her lungs lose a few sneezing bursts of air too!!
and there was that specimen addition to his OrangeJuice one time.....
-theSam!!
of whom it can be said,
that when paying for school lunch long ago, he was ahead of his time, as were most of the young restless kids of that day,
theTeacher / LunchFee’s taker commented to theHungry!!
“Sam!!, slow down, you can’t just swipe your hand and walk away leaving money!!,
now get back here so I can slowly count out this money and chide you and keep you here with me and let you go eat when I'm good and ready!!"
Now, circa 2008,
theSam!! just swipes theVisa and walks away with his BK meal,
and btw,
one fastFood worker is an grayHaired, harried woman in her late 60’s!!
-theSam!!
whos recent SnailMail receivings state;
that theBirthdayBoy!! can save $15 by spending $75 to eat at theIncrediblyExpensiveBar where he used to wor..... Where he used to SLAVE at!!
that theMiddleAger!! can save Save SAVE!! 25% on markedUP discounted stuff priced HalfOff yet, due to high fuel prices statewide, were recently rePriced at 120% just because theGM / generalManagers trendyWife needs new Pumps and Mules and theKids need that last summer VacationTrip to mexico w/ theNanny (sans Mother!!) before school starts!!
that he may have alreadyWon!!,
but he just needs to send back the envelope with all coupons filled out and 5 stickers placed upon thePrizeBox,
..............Hmmm.
there must be a reason for the 10 new front Teeth!!
So as to smile when mrMcMan todders n dodderz up theApt stairs to ring theDoorBell.
-theSam!!
yeah...
still LAZY after all these years,
and Graying too,
but slowly losing weight and size too!!
-theSam!!
for whom theSaying!!, “theEye’s have it!!” certainly means alot.
Because upon waking up, he reaches for his glasses so his “Eyes” can see!!
and after every meal, heads for the nearest restroom to brush and floss his filled & restored“EyeTeeth” so they won’t fall further apart!!
-theSam!!
still able to see theWritingOnTheWall!!,
albeit, a more blurred, Hazy, disportionate configuration of Writing,
You’d think that whomever came up with “Captcha query” on theInet had also approached their early 40’s yrs of age too
and just got inspired by theConnected & Skewed letters and N0mb3r5 that they see each day upon waking up and seeing things blurry too.
-theSam!!
still a happy go lucky teen,
since turning 31 a decade ago....
erhh.
since turning “13” a decade ago!!
-theSam!!
whos MiddleAgeSpread is taken very seriously,
theCheese flavored Whip!!,
theREAL!! butter or any other sinful succulent “spread” must be applied and layered more towards the “Middle” of theOily piece of IndianFriedBread,
oh..
and theCheese varietys upon his Hoagy sandwiches, his Pizza’s,
his Calzone’s and theSpoonful’s of cool creamCheese and sourCream MUST be aged!!
-theSam!!
now able to hug “any” female of any age without reservation and without fears and worrys from them about any UlteriorMotives!!,
welllllll,
except for that sexHarrassment charge at work a month ago,
but then again, she’s young, dumb and apparently, due to a black eye and swollen face theOther day, now a Beaten girlfriend!! (of someone else)
-theSam!!
who’d gladly trade some “Age” and “Treachery” for some Flexibility!!
as it’s kind of hard to lift theFeet and tie one’s shoes!!
and it’s kind of hard to bend over and touch one’s knees!!
but then again,
AAALLL pieces of that CheeseCake were eaten up last month after “ONE” bite was accidently dropped onto the floor and in one fell swoop,
theSam!!, while still sitting and holding a Guitar in his lap / in front of him, fully bent forward and Over,
and reached back 3’ / 3 feet under the bed and rescued that morsel of cheeseCake!!
-theSam!!
who apparently has theLife!!
just not theHouse, theCar, theWife & Kidz,
theMortgage, theWorkBuddies,
the....
wait.. Scratch that,
There are a couple of drinkingBuddies from work now,
-theSam!!
for whom “MashUp” isn’t Slang, or a Handle or Inet lexicon for assembling video and Hip, Cool music and putting it all in place for friends and family to see and admire,
Apparently,
he just assembles his “Handles” into place over his hips all the while listening to Hip, Cool music on his walkMan
and hoping that family and friends will pretend not to see his sucked in Gut!! and quite frankly,
won’t admire theFaux-Svelte slender figure!!
And lastly,
for whom MashUp!! isn’t just an Inet term, but an Food & Beverage term meaning,
“I’d like to eat MashedPotatos please!!”, and put a lot of gravy on them,
“I wanna put so much gravy on theSpuds that I have to play DevilsTower like in that neat space / ufo movie,
CloseEncounters of the......
of the.....”
*gets blank looks from the 19yr old FoodLine serverGirl!!*
-theSam!!
theRadio song, “Show me How to Live!!” might be an catchy chorus for certain Karoke singers and practicing vocalists alike,
but to him, the words have changed to,
“I lived like that!?”, “wow, you mean I did that!? and lived!?”
And that’s just incredulity about time spent with Mama!!
d:oP
-theSam!!
who’s YouTube!! backGround photo sez it all about theMan!!
asleep half theTime, eyes closed theOther!!
and he calls it “Practice!!”
-theSam!!
way beyond Happiness and Sadness,
but just this side of Madness!!
and that’s cos theKnees and Back ache more each day,
making it darn near impossible to approach Madness any quicker-er-ereeerer er-er!!
-theSam!!
SammyGottaGun!!, or at least he had them,
I mean, he still does,
but since he’s having his teeth cleaned, reBuilt, reEnameled, rootCanaled and fixed up,
at least it won’t be another 2 or 3 decades till he can say,
Sammy’sGottaGUMS!!
-theSam!!
no longer able to run away from thePain!!,
like his YouTube profilePic!!, he just closes his eyes, pretends thePain!! isn’t there,
or else, quietly drinks it away once a week or so then hits theInet!! and just annoys the hell out of his friends.
d:oP
-theSam!!
hocusPocus, if my eyes could Focus!!
They just might if I quit drinking for the night!!
-theSam!!
more and more emulating those Grunge singers, those BluesMasters and MetalGodz each day!!
His “Yea-ahh Yeah!” like curtCobain,
his “how howhowwHow!! and growling” like Howlin’Wolf
and his halford!! / Priest like screams REALLY ARE coming more and more from the poorBoys soul!!
and Sole!! (of foot) every time he steps on a thumbtack falled off theWall,
or everytime he stubs his toes early mornings headin’ to the bathroom to pee!!
-theSam!!
robZombie sings it best. “livingDeadGirl!!”
only in Sam!!’s case, with each passing year, “living?! DEAD!! !!!!”
-theSam!!
theGetUp&Go not only dogGone-Gone&DoneIt!!
but actually sent vacation pics and streamingVids of theWild, wet women where theSam!!, by now, couldaBeen!!
-theSam!!
theCountrySong, “ifYourReadingThis!!” doesn’t quite yet apply to the4thDecade!! just yet,
cos first, he’s gotta find THEN clean his glasses, or at least, find his SofLenses and reClean them before applying them overCorneas,
BEFORE ever thinking of (blurredly) reading anything.
-sad, incredibly SAD!!- d:o(
-theSam!!
less and less like Sam!! with each passing year,
and more and more like “AL!!” from HappyDAYS,
Ahhhhh,yep yep yep!!
However, still very much like PatMorita from happyDays due to making those “phphphhphpttttt!!” sounds albeit, NOT with his mouth, or armpits!!
-theSam!!
unlike WalMart,
savingLess and livingMore!!
-theSam!!
unlike his DentalFloss,
unwilling and unable to REACH to those back Molars that still exist!!
-theSam!!
now hiding his DentalFloss from theGirls!!
lest they steal his supplies to mend, fix, repair and expand upon their Bar & Restaurant costumeGetUps!!
-theSam!!
less and less theWorkForceSolution!! and more and more like theWorkForceProblem!!
theCompany!! would have a word with him,
if he’d only show UP to work first!!
-theSam!!
outSourced, yet Now nothing outShines him!!, erhhh...
At least theSheen!! of his oily face after a few hours in theBackKitchen!!
outSourced, outShinededed-ed, and OutDrinking!!
-theSam!!
of whom theCompany pleads,
“we’d like for HIM to be on your team!!, anyone...anyone...Anyone!!”
-theSam!!
apparently a prime example of theCompanyMotto,
a BoldNewLook!!
theEmbarassed!!sez, “YOU wake up last minute all groggy from dentist Drugs, pain Meds, middleAge!! and get dressed and hop theBus to work,
only to find that you put on your Tweety & Sylvester jammyBottoms, your PowerRanger showerSandals and left your HooterGirls!! t-shirt on,
however, you live in theHood!! and everyone was complimenting you upon your new HairCut (bedHead style)
and where’d you get the rips from in your nice denim jacket!!
(a $25 coat from Kmart that 8yrs ago, EVERY Native in alaska bought one, It’s denim with kahki sleeves!!)
-theSam!!
whos Life!!, like his guitarMusic was like an OpenChord!!
but then got theFinger!!, got barred!!,
got “Bar”-ed (as in employment IN one)
and like theFinger!!, his Life is now somewhere InBetween in Age!! (Middle!! age)
-theSam!!
everyone wonders...... how everyone ELSE does it!!
.....being acquaintances, coWorkers, friends and family of Sam!! that is.
-theSam!!
whos X-Box isn’t a game console and 1st person role playing mayhem!!
but is instead an “X” marked in Pen upon various JobApplicant forms,
and whom revels in 3rdPerson references of Self in forum and Blog posts!!
-theSam!!
d:oP
---------------------------------
Sad Eyes
Today (Wednesday) I find myself a complete opposite of what I used to be years ago.
I woke up early ready to bus to work but my mouth was still in pain from Mondays rootCanal at theHospital,
and then I missed theBus to work,
so I stood there watching traffic zoom by and thought to myself.
I've been a good little boy, have been a goodly man all these years and I'll be damned if I can't just say "FuckIt" today and go do something else other than running myself ragged washing Dishes,
so I said, "fuckIt!!" and textMessage a friend,
Earlier this week we had agreed to go see a movie later this week,
She texted me back and we agreed that today, Wed, we'd go see a movie.
So I stepped back into my lil apt in theHood!! and plugged in my acousticGuitar to theAmp and practiced some chordProgressions until my friend called to say she was on her way,
It was great to socialize once again,
not that my other rideAlong moments with my Leo / security / courier buddies and various rideHomes from theHospital with coWorkers, and rides from a female buddy now and then aren't any less social,
but, each person, event is different and new for me,
I slowly found myself opening up a bit and talking about theWeather, a newMall store opening up soon here in Anchorage,
we talked of once having lived in the same Midwest states and being around tornados and hail, and rain, I could almost smell the faint ionized odor from theLightning strikes,
could barely smell the newness of postRainstorm,
but my ladyFriend was wearing a pleasant, soft scent and that too was comforting.
A small part of me awoke for a moment when headed to theMovieTheatre with my friend,
it was back when I was a MassageTherapy student in Seattle.
When my classMates and I started in lateSpring and then got moved to summerClass to balance out the schools class schedules,
I don't know how that happened, I don't count theBeans-in a manner of speaking, I'm not theOffice type so Logistics and Bookwork like that means nothing to me,
What does matter to me is the day to day social interaction with people around me,
and if I like said people, I go out of my way to interact with them, kinda like I used to do and how I used to be when I did Hair and was learning Massage!!
One classMate was a female, she was blonde and beautiful, so happy and yet, her eyes were sad. And as it turned out, like "most" females, she was needy.
And not in a bad way, it's just that, as a typical whitePerson she was comfortable with stuff that White people liked, and she was comfortable around chatty people.
She was clean living and dressed nice, and I admired her for being such a nice person, for looking so good and because she took some time each day to chat with me face to face.
I thought of her today while riding with my ladyFriend here in Anchorage,
did once again, see my old schoolMate of WA state fame, did once again, recall how "she" used to smell, recalled her breath, could almost taste her shampoo & conditioner!!
For us Massage students used to work on each other, and ALL of us at one time did Massage one another,
But my old friend in Seattle, was in worse states of Living than many of us classMates of hers had thought,
for she was a DVE / domestic violence event victim,
my older femaleClassMate who was so nice, would get beat up regularly by her husband,
She came to school one day with a blackEye,
and I kept away from her out of shame, out of shame for being a Man,
out of guilt for being what gender victimizes and enslaves womanKind-a male.
Many female classMates did hug my friend,
in fact, many faculty and staff at school didn't say anything to her,
all except a few Instructors who took her away privately and chatted with her,
I tried to forget that moment, that whole day in fact, and for the most part,
until today (aug 2008) I did.
Some women just smell nice and exhude a sense of female beauty, and captivate men around them, what I experienced today AND many years ago,
*sniff-Sniff!!*
But then the heady aroma of movieTheatre popcorn and BUTTER!! got my attention and I completely forgot about my female friend and her beautiful daughter that joined us to see theMummy!! movie, about theDragonEmporer.
I'm glad I didn't go to work today,
I'm glad I got more time in getting my chordTransitions more smoother,
I'm glad I got to ride theBus awhile and see Life around me, observe more people and talk with some of them,
I guess I'm just burnt out washingDishes and I don't want to go back.
I can only hope that theBarStars!! 6week long school that I signed up for WILL start this coming Monday as promised by theOwner!!
She kept putting us students off for a couple of weeks; sick Instructors, a death in the family.
I know that in the end, of life, that when looking back on things,
that these schoolings, these trainings, these ideals and traditions,
these silly things that many of us hold Important and Necessary to have and to achieve and to sacrifice for won't really mean much,
What matters in the end is what I did First; for myself,
and then, after being happy,
To possibly do for others in making them happy, in serving them and helping people to be good, and for us all to do more and become more than what we currently are.
What will matter is what I have / or had in my heart,
what will matter to my God and to my Christ as they meet me, and review myLife with me and will Judge me, or rather, will let Me judge Myself,
is if I did be kind to others,
what will matter is if I helped other people for THEIR needs first,
Lately I'm not doing any of that,
I hide from Life now, I accept mediocre jobs, I hide my talents from the world, as it were, and I just get by with Rent, cellphone bills, in fact, I'm way below thePovertyLine.
But I'll get back into life again soon,
I'll be in Uniform once again and making above 45K like my last year as VPSO, when I made 41K,
to me, serving in a LawEnforcement uniform isn't about high pay and selfish benefits,
it's about being able to help others,
I loved being a VPSO,
because it was just ME against theWorld out there in theVillage!!
but there were also other good villagers that helped me, and they Taught me how to do my job, in fact, some literally kept me alive by bringing their own guns to theFight when I had none and yet,
stood just yards, mere feet from Gunman and I didn't back down, and neither did those helpful villagers, they earned my respect!!
Back then I never woke up while in theVillage!! as a VPSO and say,
"you know what?!, nobody listens to me and everyone's drinking and...
just fuckit!!, I'm going back to sleep!!"
I never said that.
A part of me might have wanted to think that, but I never did that either.
And now, today, Wednesday 06 Aug 2008, my head and jaw & neck still hurt from my recent rootCanal procedure,
my tired body said "No", about going to work,
and I said to hell with this, and I did something else trivial, something else so important to me and I had a great day,
in fact,
I should have spent that last hour of evening time, while waiting for the bus Outbound to theHood, over at theHotel where I always play piano!! but today I didn't go plink and play,
I'm Sam!!
and little by little I'm letting go of what matters least to me and am still changing into a man I should have been 10, 20, even 30yrs ago,
someone that thought of ME first, then could turn around and help others.
Even though theLDS / Mormon church did much good to help me,
overall, it just fucked up my life and I hate that fucking Cult!!
But all I can keep doing now is to reclaim a lost part of me and keep focusing on my talents and interests that I put aside for many years,
I can only look after ME now, instead of worrying about other people, whom for the most part, Might not Ever want to change, or might not Ever Want my help to begin with,
in fact, today I didn't wear my Firearms!!
I scratched my vacant side and wiggled my arms while eating popcorn in theMovie theatre,
I carry my Glocks in custom sewn lycra & spandex undershirts, in small pockets right up high and tight under my armpits, or in center chest and wear baggy shirts or a sizeLarger top over my lil' buddies.
Or else I wear / carry in smallOfTheBack or in a jockStrap type carry in my pants / jeans,
I never carry anything on my feet or boots,
I'm not afraid to tell anyone this, it's just me.
A part of what I did and probably will still do, as some part of me that clings to being PublicSafety atLarge will always mandate that I do something, or carry a tool, or be ready to step into public events & emergencies,
I haven't given up completely on that part of my life,
I haven't given up on some things in life that are absolutely necessary.
And that means, being able and willing, and being there when all Life and Civilization collapses around us,
If I give up totally,
then I am the one man that put that black eye on the face of my Massage school classMate long ago,
if I give up totally on core Beliefs and Values, on Customs and other behavioral etiquette that I once embraced,
then I also abused my other classMates, ALL of which were female at that time in my life, and I also did abuse my own family and loved ones of long ago,
If I give up totally,
then I too am responsible for the problems of this world around me, near and far.
And I don't know about any of you dear readers, but I hate to think of sad, sad eyes looking back at me from Anyone if I let them down.
I'm also glad that, today Wednesday, I got to spend some short time with a femaleFriend and to be chatty,
because it also lifted my spirits up from my Depression,
believe me, sometimes my Glocks look damn wonderful but what other honest human being HASN'T ever had the thought of Suicide pass through their mind!?
I'm glad that I got to get out of this rut I'm in, from being used by theHospital and by my Managers and bosses, because they promote everyone else in the back kitchen and hire on new people and still I wash dishes,
It's just like the old jobs at theAnchor!! and at Sullivan'sSteakHouse,
where oneChef promised and promised to teach me foodPrepping and showed an interest in promoting me,
and where anotherChef promised to promote me and for a short time actually DID, but then sent me back to theDishPits,
Those careless bosses, my old managers only hurt themselves by not helping Another person to succeed, they only belittled themselves and didn't promote the company or their cause by discrimination, holdingBack and even stealing opportunity from me,
Now I see all of that behavior again and today I walked away from it,
For now I still need work at theHospital until I finish that BarTending training I signed up for.
for now I can still wash dishes for NANA,
and if needed, I can still be my friendly self and be chatty and trusting and huggy and trusting of others and have a budding friendship betrayed by accusations of Sex Harassment. But I won't.
I'll be ok,
I'll be nice, I'll still hang in there and remember someone from the past and will remember to keep on succeeding each day by serving and by helping,
I'm glad about todays events,
because it let me know, selfishly, that I'm a great person.
It let me know that I am human and that I can't be strong like I thought I was,
it let me know that I needed to take a break from everything and get out of my apt.
Live,
Live and Serve!!
do nothing else.
luvs,
theSam!!
samuel l flyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
alaskavillagetales
Comments
Love, Trish