Ex Mormon Haiku!!
(as posted recently at ExMormon dot org, the Recovery from Mormonism forum boards.
I will explain each haiku in ( ) for sake of clarity to NonMormons,
cos if you haven't been inculcated in this Lifestyle, none of theVerbiage means anything to you.
----------------------------
Mo Exmo Haiku!!
(5 - 7 - 5 formula)
-Keep theDemandments
In this there is chafing and
please, send us blessings
(Explain: a pun on "Keep theCommandments, in this there is safety and peace, but where are theBlessings?!, I saw none ever)
-plain white shirt cheap tie
and inside are dead mans bones
phony hypocrites
(Explain: Pun on theMissionary program of the church, focusing so much on a CleanCut, squeaky clean image when theHistory of theChurch itself in American western lore is as crooked and bloody as any other enterprise at that time,
The Mormons pride themselves on being scrupulously clean from their very beginnings,
but they too have much blood on their hands, fucking Hypocrites)
-I am Lamanite
a Royal fork family,
Wife already BIG
(Explain: Pun on myself, what could have been, as far as a Mormon marriage.
Cos most mormon wives get HUGE all of a sudden and become very cheaply thrifty and hit garage sales and allYouCanEat buffets as well, I can just see me now as a Mormon husband, with huge Obese wife and needy kids, in debt and barely scrounging by while giving all my $ to theCult and having to get Welfare, foodstamps and govt assistance)
-Why Hie To Kolob?
when you can’t even greet me
once a week at church
(explain: from the Mormon hymn,
if You could Hie to Kolob, in the twinkling of an eye,
and then continue onward, with that same speed to fly,
do you think that you could ever, through all eternity,
find out the generation Where Gods began to be?
theMormons think about such deep things and neglect even themselves and others around them,
No one says hi at church, especially greeting a native such as I,
they just pass on by.)
-Sister Mish onare
lipstick teasing, pull on hair
“someone, buy my Pads!!”
(Explain: LOL, I love sister missionaries, thank god, the ones I knew were all straight and sweet and strong, except for a flirtatious one or 3,
They were lazy and wanted us male missionaries to do stuff for them.
Buy me this, get that, I want, I want.....)
-over the river
cursed are the waters there
but not like the tub
(Explain: Pun on the ingrained Fear of theWaters that is instilled into Mormon missionaries,
Cos of some wild vision that a Mormon leader had of "seeing theDestroyer upon theWaters of the Mississippi", It is assumed that when Missionaries go forth for 2 yrs or 18 yrs-for theSisters- They Stay away!! from swimming activities and no boating either,
My how theMormon church is superstitious, silly and so backwards)
-testimonkey check
penishood pulled on tight,
call me in 2 years
(explain: Pun on missionaries for the church,
it's what they have to have in order to "serve theLord".
first, a burning Testimony of their gospel,
And they act like they're center of the universe, they wear their Priesthood calling openly for all to see and put their lives on hold for 2 yrs.
PenisHood is a derogatory name or monikor for thePriesthood,
and it's rightly placed upon church men by ExMormons, cos pretty much ALL mormon men whom have been endowed with thePriesthood, act like DickHeads in some fashion.
Think they know it all and treat women subordinate,
lord knows I've been there acting that way for awhile when I was a mormon.)
-LDS m I
HP BP SP 2
then soon I’m at RFM
(explain: a play on acronyms, LDS / latter day saint am I
High priest, Bishop, Stake President too,
then soon I'm at Recovery from Mormonism and no doubt posting my lifes adventures and telling everyone that "they're" out of theMormon cult,
Like I am out of the cult)
- curious case of
Gordon nothin’, thought he stood
up fer sumpin, Not
(Explain; pun on lateProphet Gordon Bitner Hinckley.
he pretty much ran the church for the last couple of decades before becoming official leader himself as Prophet,
and what is his legacy as prophet of this LDS Cult?,
telling everyone that the women were to only have One set of pierced ears,
he didn't prophecy about weighty matters at all,
Never told the world of how to cure cancer,
Never told anything about curing problems that plague us all like Crime,
global conflict, feeding theHungry and dealing with homeless issues,
and on a LarryKing interview,
in front of the world, when asked about serious and Simple doctrine issues
said, "I don't know that we teach that".
Jesus H christ!!, if that fuckUP hinckley really was a prophet that KNEW what answers to give, according to what we LDS all were taught from an early age,
Gordon would have answered correctly and then expounded upon his answers,
but he didn't, theFuckUP didn't "stand for something" when given a chance and waffled around in answering questions for larryKing!!)
-has anyone not
ever had a bad day, try
our crutch on for size
(explain: church apologists, those who justify with candid, sordid and often wildly complex and inane supppositions upon why things happened in church history,
They'd rather make excuses instead of answer and let things stand.)
-the lilly white field
is ready to harvest by
brown hands & gold teeth
(explain: a pun on some southAmerican event that happened,
when some GA / General Authority was gleeful and happy about the sacrifices that
some "brown skinned" south american mormons had to make to get to the temple.
Some took out their gold fillings to help pay for church things,
Doesn't that suck?, When theMormon church is a rich church and could pay for itself
it has poor indigent church members of 3rd world countries literally give their teeth for the privilege of being a church member,
Cult Cult Cult!!)
-Joe sponsored by Lead
PPP got to thePoint
Monson lovs theMax!!
(explain: I thought of how some firearms manufacturers could have sponsored the killings of various church members and leaders,
like, what bullet was used on joe smith,
and what kind of blade was put to the heart of Parley p Pratt the day he died after he was fleeing from the jealous, angry husband of the wife he was running away with.
And of course, good rumor has it that a vice theCurrent mormon prophet thomas s monson has is his addiction to soft drinks, Especially pepsi.
in tight mormon circles, they frown upon "caffeine use" of any kind, and here Tommy boy is sneaking Pepsi behind everyone's back and aiding his affliction of Diabetes too.)
-little blue burka
on the prairie, hey Paw paw
what is your fetish
(explain: what more can I say about mormonisms polygamous past, that is still in practice, than to point out the debacle of the fundamentalist mormons in texas, whom had their ranch compound raided and their children taken away,
Most of the public today doesn't think that those fundies and theMainstream mormons are connected, but they are cut from the same cloth STILL.
Most people would blanche at frown upon enslavement of women and young girls into servitude as wifes and as sex slaves, but in most instances of early mormon men actually practicing polygamy, that was the case,
the world today considers the women oppressing Taliban of Middle eastern countries as theEnemy, but consider that even here "at home" in america, we also have "enemies" that want to enslave women, children and virtually everyone under it's influence and that enemy is unbridled unrestricted christianity in ANY form,
most notably theMormons and their founding prophet leader Joseph smith with his practice of sending away mormon men and secretly marrying their wives in absentia.)
-send us your money
we’ve got your pie in the sky
But Joe fills her first!!
(explain: most religions prance around for donation money, the mormons extort funds heartlessly from its membership, and it all began with it's founding leader Joe smith and continues to this day 2009,
the Cult promises a pie in the sky for theMen,
but don't say that it's a CreamPie -of another church leader having already cum into "yourWife" for you and you're left with sloppy seconds-
cos Mormons don't respect traditional marriage at all of other people NOT of their faith, every available, pretty and childBearing woman yesterday today and tomorrow is fair game to just about any mormon,
Its what was taught to us men at an early age, this I know, and I didn't like that concept really.)
Add yours here!!
lovs,
theSam!!
----------------
Subject: Sam, you da Haiku man!
Date: Feb 09 11:11
Author: Skunk Puppet
Sam, the Haiku man.
RFM hangs on each word.
Creative spelling.
P.S. We luvs theSam!
Subject: Here's another
Date: Feb 09 11:41
Author: Hike Cue
"Sam", but not "I am"
Da Crutch is truly awful--
Plundering offal.
Subject: Oh, I get it. Not Dr. Seuss n/t
Date: Feb 09 11:42
Author: Sam, I am
Subject: Now I know why the man drove
Date: Feb 09 11:28
Author: To da levee
"his Chevy to the levee"....singing "My, my Miss American Pie"....
...and "this'll be the day that I die".
THIS (WILL) BE THE DAY THAT I DIE.
LMAO
Subject: Sam, please explain the line "Monson luvs the Max"
Date: Feb 09 11:45
Author: anon 4 today
I think I've been out too long.
Is that a reference to the late Neal Maxwell?
Or, maybe some new Apostle?
Or, that he loves the Crutch "To the Max(imum)"?
??
Subject: explain the Max"
Date: Feb 09 18:22
Author: theSam!!
Pepsi "Max"
their newest refreshment endeavor,
it is sweet and delishush to to the taste, and as always,
goes great with any vodka,
lovs,
theSam!!
-Pig in a blanket
was lunch food but at church this
meant Briggy would lay
-what would jesus do
build a mall or help the world
keep nothing, give ALL?
-a Poor wayfaring
man, Good Grief!! has often been
by the church, Go away.
Subject: Ha! These are all brilliant! Thanks, theSam!! 8^D n/t
Date: Feb 09 22:09
Author: flattopSF
Subject: These are great Haiku!
Date: Feb 09 22:13
Author: Matt
You have inspired me, Sam. I might write some more exmo poetry, soon.
I will explain each haiku in ( ) for sake of clarity to NonMormons,
cos if you haven't been inculcated in this Lifestyle, none of theVerbiage means anything to you.
----------------------------
Mo Exmo Haiku!!
(5 - 7 - 5 formula)
-Keep theDemandments
In this there is chafing and
please, send us blessings
(Explain: a pun on "Keep theCommandments, in this there is safety and peace, but where are theBlessings?!, I saw none ever)
-plain white shirt cheap tie
and inside are dead mans bones
phony hypocrites
(Explain: Pun on theMissionary program of the church, focusing so much on a CleanCut, squeaky clean image when theHistory of theChurch itself in American western lore is as crooked and bloody as any other enterprise at that time,
The Mormons pride themselves on being scrupulously clean from their very beginnings,
but they too have much blood on their hands, fucking Hypocrites)
-I am Lamanite
a Royal fork family,
Wife already BIG
(Explain: Pun on myself, what could have been, as far as a Mormon marriage.
Cos most mormon wives get HUGE all of a sudden and become very cheaply thrifty and hit garage sales and allYouCanEat buffets as well, I can just see me now as a Mormon husband, with huge Obese wife and needy kids, in debt and barely scrounging by while giving all my $ to theCult and having to get Welfare, foodstamps and govt assistance)
-Why Hie To Kolob?
when you can’t even greet me
once a week at church
(explain: from the Mormon hymn,
if You could Hie to Kolob, in the twinkling of an eye,
and then continue onward, with that same speed to fly,
do you think that you could ever, through all eternity,
find out the generation Where Gods began to be?
theMormons think about such deep things and neglect even themselves and others around them,
No one says hi at church, especially greeting a native such as I,
they just pass on by.)
-Sister Mish onare
lipstick teasing, pull on hair
“someone, buy my Pads!!”
(Explain: LOL, I love sister missionaries, thank god, the ones I knew were all straight and sweet and strong, except for a flirtatious one or 3,
They were lazy and wanted us male missionaries to do stuff for them.
Buy me this, get that, I want, I want.....)
-over the river
cursed are the waters there
but not like the tub
(Explain: Pun on the ingrained Fear of theWaters that is instilled into Mormon missionaries,
Cos of some wild vision that a Mormon leader had of "seeing theDestroyer upon theWaters of the Mississippi", It is assumed that when Missionaries go forth for 2 yrs or 18 yrs-for theSisters- They Stay away!! from swimming activities and no boating either,
My how theMormon church is superstitious, silly and so backwards)
-testimonkey check
penishood pulled on tight,
call me in 2 years
(explain: Pun on missionaries for the church,
it's what they have to have in order to "serve theLord".
first, a burning Testimony of their gospel,
And they act like they're center of the universe, they wear their Priesthood calling openly for all to see and put their lives on hold for 2 yrs.
PenisHood is a derogatory name or monikor for thePriesthood,
and it's rightly placed upon church men by ExMormons, cos pretty much ALL mormon men whom have been endowed with thePriesthood, act like DickHeads in some fashion.
Think they know it all and treat women subordinate,
lord knows I've been there acting that way for awhile when I was a mormon.)
-LDS m I
HP BP SP 2
then soon I’m at RFM
(explain: a play on acronyms, LDS / latter day saint am I
High priest, Bishop, Stake President too,
then soon I'm at Recovery from Mormonism and no doubt posting my lifes adventures and telling everyone that "they're" out of theMormon cult,
Like I am out of the cult)
- curious case of
Gordon nothin’, thought he stood
up fer sumpin, Not
(Explain; pun on lateProphet Gordon Bitner Hinckley.
he pretty much ran the church for the last couple of decades before becoming official leader himself as Prophet,
and what is his legacy as prophet of this LDS Cult?,
telling everyone that the women were to only have One set of pierced ears,
he didn't prophecy about weighty matters at all,
Never told the world of how to cure cancer,
Never told anything about curing problems that plague us all like Crime,
global conflict, feeding theHungry and dealing with homeless issues,
and on a LarryKing interview,
in front of the world, when asked about serious and Simple doctrine issues
said, "I don't know that we teach that".
Jesus H christ!!, if that fuckUP hinckley really was a prophet that KNEW what answers to give, according to what we LDS all were taught from an early age,
Gordon would have answered correctly and then expounded upon his answers,
but he didn't, theFuckUP didn't "stand for something" when given a chance and waffled around in answering questions for larryKing!!)
-has anyone not
ever had a bad day, try
our crutch on for size
(explain: church apologists, those who justify with candid, sordid and often wildly complex and inane supppositions upon why things happened in church history,
They'd rather make excuses instead of answer and let things stand.)
-the lilly white field
is ready to harvest by
brown hands & gold teeth
(explain: a pun on some southAmerican event that happened,
when some GA / General Authority was gleeful and happy about the sacrifices that
some "brown skinned" south american mormons had to make to get to the temple.
Some took out their gold fillings to help pay for church things,
Doesn't that suck?, When theMormon church is a rich church and could pay for itself
it has poor indigent church members of 3rd world countries literally give their teeth for the privilege of being a church member,
Cult Cult Cult!!)
-Joe sponsored by Lead
PPP got to thePoint
Monson lovs theMax!!
(explain: I thought of how some firearms manufacturers could have sponsored the killings of various church members and leaders,
like, what bullet was used on joe smith,
and what kind of blade was put to the heart of Parley p Pratt the day he died after he was fleeing from the jealous, angry husband of the wife he was running away with.
And of course, good rumor has it that a vice theCurrent mormon prophet thomas s monson has is his addiction to soft drinks, Especially pepsi.
in tight mormon circles, they frown upon "caffeine use" of any kind, and here Tommy boy is sneaking Pepsi behind everyone's back and aiding his affliction of Diabetes too.)
-little blue burka
on the prairie, hey Paw paw
what is your fetish
(explain: what more can I say about mormonisms polygamous past, that is still in practice, than to point out the debacle of the fundamentalist mormons in texas, whom had their ranch compound raided and their children taken away,
Most of the public today doesn't think that those fundies and theMainstream mormons are connected, but they are cut from the same cloth STILL.
Most people would blanche at frown upon enslavement of women and young girls into servitude as wifes and as sex slaves, but in most instances of early mormon men actually practicing polygamy, that was the case,
the world today considers the women oppressing Taliban of Middle eastern countries as theEnemy, but consider that even here "at home" in america, we also have "enemies" that want to enslave women, children and virtually everyone under it's influence and that enemy is unbridled unrestricted christianity in ANY form,
most notably theMormons and their founding prophet leader Joseph smith with his practice of sending away mormon men and secretly marrying their wives in absentia.)
-send us your money
we’ve got your pie in the sky
But Joe fills her first!!
(explain: most religions prance around for donation money, the mormons extort funds heartlessly from its membership, and it all began with it's founding leader Joe smith and continues to this day 2009,
the Cult promises a pie in the sky for theMen,
but don't say that it's a CreamPie -of another church leader having already cum into "yourWife" for you and you're left with sloppy seconds-
cos Mormons don't respect traditional marriage at all of other people NOT of their faith, every available, pretty and childBearing woman yesterday today and tomorrow is fair game to just about any mormon,
Its what was taught to us men at an early age, this I know, and I didn't like that concept really.)
Add yours here!!
lovs,
theSam!!
----------------
Subject: Sam, you da Haiku man!
Date: Feb 09 11:11
Author: Skunk Puppet
Sam, the Haiku man.
RFM hangs on each word.
Creative spelling.
P.S. We luvs theSam!
Subject: Here's another
Date: Feb 09 11:41
Author: Hike Cue
"Sam", but not "I am"
Da Crutch is truly awful--
Plundering offal.
Subject: Oh, I get it. Not Dr. Seuss n/t
Date: Feb 09 11:42
Author: Sam, I am
Subject: Now I know why the man drove
Date: Feb 09 11:28
Author: To da levee
"his Chevy to the levee"....singing "My, my Miss American Pie"....
...and "this'll be the day that I die".
THIS (WILL) BE THE DAY THAT I DIE.
LMAO
Subject: Sam, please explain the line "Monson luvs the Max"
Date: Feb 09 11:45
Author: anon 4 today
I think I've been out too long.
Is that a reference to the late Neal Maxwell?
Or, maybe some new Apostle?
Or, that he loves the Crutch "To the Max(imum)"?
??
Subject: explain the Max"
Date: Feb 09 18:22
Author: theSam!!
Pepsi "Max"
their newest refreshment endeavor,
it is sweet and delishush to to the taste, and as always,
goes great with any vodka,
lovs,
theSam!!
-Pig in a blanket
was lunch food but at church this
meant Briggy would lay
-what would jesus do
build a mall or help the world
keep nothing, give ALL?
-a Poor wayfaring
man, Good Grief!! has often been
by the church, Go away.
Subject: Ha! These are all brilliant! Thanks, theSam!! 8^D n/t
Date: Feb 09 22:09
Author: flattopSF
Subject: These are great Haiku!
Date: Feb 09 22:13
Author: Matt
You have inspired me, Sam. I might write some more exmo poetry, soon.
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