Village Pregnancy!!
-Village Pregnancy!! (again)
In this issue of AlaskaVillageTales!!, we'll cover a wide range of Maternal issues. Just think of this posting as your pregnancy at a glance,
which is what everyone pretty much thinks anyway when they see you and "belly",
They just "glance" at you and keep on going with their lives,
however, theOnly time a doubleTake occurs is when theFather!! is thePublicSafety,
then you're pretty much a mini-Celebrity for years and on everyone's good side for life.
----
-Village Pregnancy!! (again & again)
Keeping Secrets!! what you don't tell theHealthAide!! could possibly hurt theBaby!!
But what you do tell theFather!! could never hurt him.
It's only cos, nothing could hurt him more than being VPSO, working for YOUR village!!, and especially having to deal with all those villageElders!! and their diamond-Hard diamondWillow canes and hospitalWalkers and crutches everyone beats him with when he's clearing out a HouseParty!!
trust me......
-VillagePregnancy!! (*sigh*, Again)
Satisfy your junk food cravings!! Anytime day or night, whether theFather!! is Sam or not!!
He's got popTarts hidden in his front zipPocket of his outerBallisticVest, and he's got boxedMilk hidden there too.
Heck!!, he's theVPSO, he's got $ / Money hidden deep in his pockets, just roadBlock him or shake down his Lodge Apt for junk food and pop!!
he won't mind really, he's gonna reJoin theMilitary anyway in a few years,
his fat ass will thank you THEN for those snack foods that disappeared here and there from under his nose in theVillage!!
trust me....
-Village Pegnant!! d:oP (again!!)
A Walking Plan for Every Trimester..... for theMr!!
You'll experience more radical mood "Swings" than Sam!!'s ever wielded his Baton,
so much so that everytime you'll feel like it,
you'll commandeer his PatrolVehicle, his POV, his ATV, his riverBoat, his SnowMachine
even his ATM card and his Apt anytime you change moods!!
Might as well start planning various walking routines for the poor boy,
Over theRiver!!, through theWoods, around theVillageCemetary!!, past theGarbageDump too.
Yep, everywhere theOfficer happens to be when your moodSwing hits, you'll "Hit" him and then commandeer his vehicle and his atm cards and leave him walking.
Erhh,
Plan on doing this EVERY Trimester for all your pregnancies (regardless of whom the father is) and several Years afterwards too!!
-Village Pregnant!!..... again.
You tried 387 pairs of maternity jeans and finally found theBest!!
....Sam!!'s
You might be small and cute, or even huge svelte and curvy and are 3x Sam!!'s size but somehow, a pregnancy puts everything into perspective and Sam!!'s size 40" to 44" pants just fit you like a glove.
Uhmm, that, that annoying bump in the rear back pocket is the $50 pair of TurtleSkinz armored search gloves that he bought and only wore Once,
probably searching YOU that night you were on Meth, Pot, Vodka and Schnapps.
probably.....
-VillagePregnant!!
Design a dream nursery!!
Who cares if theSam!! calls it his Lodge apt,
he doesn't pay rent anyway so who cares what he says.
Your baby's on the way and it needs a quiet, safe room to sleep in and for you to crash in, to detox in!! and sober up in as well,
Just don't go overboard with theNative beadwork and put those nice Flowery designs on the front and back of his BallisticVests,
Sam!!'s still upset that everyone sees him when he's sneaking around theVillage!! at night, or rather, everyone can see theFrilly lace edging on his Hoodies, his Parka and his knitWatchCap!!
-VillagePregnancy!! (again?!, for godsakes, get fixed!!)
You're in theSpotLight, again.
You've just had your 2nd child, she's safely ensconced in your arms as you stand on your porch screaming at theOfficer at 1 a.m.,
did we mention you're drunk!? and Sam!!'s millionCandlePower spotlight doesn't affect your eyes, in fact, it improves your sight and you hurl your tv remote at his patrolVehicle,
lil' baby in your arms yawns and stretches inside her blankie,
3 more villageHouses come to life and everyone watches from afar.
Watching I say, just like they watched you when you were in Kindergarten out on the gymnasium floor dancing and twirling, While Everyone else sat still, cos it was your class graduation!!
Time hasn't changed your attention getting habits.
Age 10, wacked on Weed and balancing atop the school rooftops while theVPSO and a handful of adults shone lights upon you.
Age 15, when theStateTroops shone their spotlight on your car, upon You!!
Age 18, when Sam!! first went to your village.......
*sigh*
-Village Pregnancy!! (again....)
BoobyTraps!!
What "THEY" become when attracting and snaring yourself an Officer husband for your kids, and mealticket for you!!
*MotorBoat Sounds!!*
-----------------------------
In this issue of AlaskaVillageTales!!, we'll cover a wide range of Maternal issues. Just think of this posting as your pregnancy at a glance,
which is what everyone pretty much thinks anyway when they see you and "belly",
They just "glance" at you and keep on going with their lives,
however, theOnly time a doubleTake occurs is when theFather!! is thePublicSafety,
then you're pretty much a mini-Celebrity for years and on everyone's good side for life.
----
-Village Pregnancy!! (again & again)
Keeping Secrets!! what you don't tell theHealthAide!! could possibly hurt theBaby!!
But what you do tell theFather!! could never hurt him.
It's only cos, nothing could hurt him more than being VPSO, working for YOUR village!!, and especially having to deal with all those villageElders!! and their diamond-Hard diamondWillow canes and hospitalWalkers and crutches everyone beats him with when he's clearing out a HouseParty!!
trust me......
-VillagePregnancy!! (*sigh*, Again)
Satisfy your junk food cravings!! Anytime day or night, whether theFather!! is Sam or not!!
He's got popTarts hidden in his front zipPocket of his outerBallisticVest, and he's got boxedMilk hidden there too.
Heck!!, he's theVPSO, he's got $ / Money hidden deep in his pockets, just roadBlock him or shake down his Lodge Apt for junk food and pop!!
he won't mind really, he's gonna reJoin theMilitary anyway in a few years,
his fat ass will thank you THEN for those snack foods that disappeared here and there from under his nose in theVillage!!
trust me....
-Village Pegnant!! d:oP (again!!)
A Walking Plan for Every Trimester..... for theMr!!
You'll experience more radical mood "Swings" than Sam!!'s ever wielded his Baton,
so much so that everytime you'll feel like it,
you'll commandeer his PatrolVehicle, his POV, his ATV, his riverBoat, his SnowMachine
even his ATM card and his Apt anytime you change moods!!
Might as well start planning various walking routines for the poor boy,
Over theRiver!!, through theWoods, around theVillageCemetary!!, past theGarbageDump too.
Yep, everywhere theOfficer happens to be when your moodSwing hits, you'll "Hit" him and then commandeer his vehicle and his atm cards and leave him walking.
Erhh,
Plan on doing this EVERY Trimester for all your pregnancies (regardless of whom the father is) and several Years afterwards too!!
-Village Pregnant!!..... again.
You tried 387 pairs of maternity jeans and finally found theBest!!
....Sam!!'s
You might be small and cute, or even huge svelte and curvy and are 3x Sam!!'s size but somehow, a pregnancy puts everything into perspective and Sam!!'s size 40" to 44" pants just fit you like a glove.
Uhmm, that, that annoying bump in the rear back pocket is the $50 pair of TurtleSkinz armored search gloves that he bought and only wore Once,
probably searching YOU that night you were on Meth, Pot, Vodka and Schnapps.
probably.....
-VillagePregnant!!
Design a dream nursery!!
Who cares if theSam!! calls it his Lodge apt,
he doesn't pay rent anyway so who cares what he says.
Your baby's on the way and it needs a quiet, safe room to sleep in and for you to crash in, to detox in!! and sober up in as well,
Just don't go overboard with theNative beadwork and put those nice Flowery designs on the front and back of his BallisticVests,
Sam!!'s still upset that everyone sees him when he's sneaking around theVillage!! at night, or rather, everyone can see theFrilly lace edging on his Hoodies, his Parka and his knitWatchCap!!
-VillagePregnancy!! (again?!, for godsakes, get fixed!!)
You're in theSpotLight, again.
You've just had your 2nd child, she's safely ensconced in your arms as you stand on your porch screaming at theOfficer at 1 a.m.,
did we mention you're drunk!? and Sam!!'s millionCandlePower spotlight doesn't affect your eyes, in fact, it improves your sight and you hurl your tv remote at his patrolVehicle,
lil' baby in your arms yawns and stretches inside her blankie,
3 more villageHouses come to life and everyone watches from afar.
Watching I say, just like they watched you when you were in Kindergarten out on the gymnasium floor dancing and twirling, While Everyone else sat still, cos it was your class graduation!!
Time hasn't changed your attention getting habits.
Age 10, wacked on Weed and balancing atop the school rooftops while theVPSO and a handful of adults shone lights upon you.
Age 15, when theStateTroops shone their spotlight on your car, upon You!!
Age 18, when Sam!! first went to your village.......
*sigh*
-Village Pregnancy!! (again....)
BoobyTraps!!
What "THEY" become when attracting and snaring yourself an Officer husband for your kids, and mealticket for you!!
*MotorBoat Sounds!!*
-----------------------------
Comments