AlaskaVillageTales

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners: 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. Which is what theSam!! hit her with. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. theSam!! uses Snuggle. And then only when theWasher in HIS head doesn't eat his undies. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. And after living in theVillage for 6+yrs theSam!! types ...

VILLAGE On!! This Message brought to you from theSam!! He Cheats theOther Blog Readers and passes theSavings onto YOU!! d:oP YVC Inc presents theVILLAGE!! Magazine Subscribe today and save 60%, only 9 issues (one full year) for only $19.99 Just print this Reader card and send in today. -Name , (Please Print) (Note: Hugh Jass, Mick E. Mouse, Al Merffud and Oh Bee Wonn already receives spam from YVC Inc so please use your REAL name.) -Address , (specify your PO Box or your Blind mailer service for those of you that avoid YVC Inc at all costs!! If required, we'll even send you heavy gauge dual reinforced rubber gloves and for our Village Vixens holiday issue we'll also include Wet wipes, a CPR mask and an AED) -City , (Village, Hamlet, Haven or any Rock will suffice) -State , ("Drunken" is already taken by Everyone in theVillage, a close 2nd and 3rd is by all College students and School bus drivers. However, "Emergency", "Vegatative" and "Happy...

All theNews that's fit to Print, Misprint and Ms Quote!! Today's yammerings is endorsed by theSam!! who vigorously promises to not only Visit theBush after he wins thePrimary, but he'll shampoo, condition, cut, color and Wax theBush if he's declared Victor after upcoming Elections. Speaking of Bush.......theSilvers are IN!! and theReds are OUT, dying and being eaten up along theRiver banks by hungry Seagulls "peck, peck, peck". theSecurity Sam!! Now Harmed and Dangerous, and even more grumpy when he gets stuck with a duty vehicle with no working music radio. Is he grinding his teeth or just chewing on a .45 cal bullet? And he works for us??!!! INCIDENT REPORT (to Provide as seamy...as Seamless report as Possible Sam, just circle the appropriate info as close as what actually happened to You or your Victims. *sigh* We know we'll definitely be hearing from Irate clients and concerned public anyway) Account Name: -Burgers King, -Wendies, -Crazyhorse 2 sal...

YourVillageCalled!! had a Crass Blonde moment: an Abandoned, burnt out car and an old Outhouse are among sites that have been identified as YVC Inc (doh!!) Critical Regional Assets, or CRASS for short. Furthermore, anything else from this point on uttered, written, thought of, spoken by, emailed, blogged and snail-mailed by YVC Inc (doh!!) should be considered just crass. The Village Way to Go!! RumRunnerz River Craft now offers Inflatable boats for sale. Check out the 800 series line. 15' model with Slat Wood Floor, 2 Velour Love Seats, Plenty of room for you and your friends. And speaking of friends, there's 6 Oar slots your friends can use when you run out of gas!! This model has a Mini-Bar that doubles as a Bait / Fish storage well when those pesky Safety Officers are boarding to search for Contraband. After you've cajoled your Grandma's 40hp motor off Her boat, "borrowed" the fuel cells from the VPSO's boat,scrounged for spark-plugs from your neigh...

YVC Inc (doh!!) Tele-Conference registrants, it's almost time for that yearly ritual to take place where we blow $225K in 2 weeks and travel somewhere foreign and exotic just to talk to each other. Have you started packing those steamer trunks, your SansoNight suitcases and WineFlasks yet? The following dress recommendations are provided to help you fill that suitcase with the right clothes. Remember, we are going someplace warm this year. Someplace really warm that doesn't involve taking a Nip from a bottle to get tingly all over, well... Maybe for our planned socializing it does. (exceptions for the dress code will be grudgingly made for those of you who prefer to go Clothing Optional like a few Admin Voyeur gals and a bevy of Hot Cute Interns from the BEHEMOTH region) Here's the Itinerary for the YVC Inc (doh!!) meetings that we have scheduled to take place in (of all places) Aruba!! The reason for YVC Inc picking such an exotic place wasn't for the sun, the fun or...

My Salmon- My Self Can a much needed Adventure Vacation get you in touch with your roots?? Let you reach Inward to your inner Hunter - Gatherer?? Much explained blogster "theSam!!" went to Alaska to find out. Stepping out the doors to my shoe box apt it hit me like a slipper in the face that.. wait. wait.. An old stinky slipper DID actually hit me in the face. It came from theDumpster next to theApts. I stepped on over and was surprised to find a couple of kids rummaging around inside the green painted box, the whole dumpster smelled rancid. Guess that explained the stinky slipper that had been tossed out non-chalantly at me to... Hey!!! I looked at the distance from theDumpster to thePorch where I once stood. 10, 20, 30feet and up 10 steps. "Why those little creeps!", I fumed, turning in anger to theDumpster I found it empty, devoid of neighborhood kids. Glumly, I set back to what I had been thinking of previously. Oh yeah.... I have to go to Alaska to find out!! ...

theSam!! Certifiable theSam!! models available in Carharts, denim and now polyester!! theSam!! all that and then some. theSam!! born to be Mild theSam!! visit him on theWeb at http://alaskavillagetales.blogspot.com/ He promises not to keep you up past 9pm local time. theSam!! world reknowned....er. At least World traveled. theSam!! use your PFD dividend today!! theSam!! far out in front.... and sort of to the right a bit.....ok ok, he's wwaaayy out there. theSam!! some day everyone will look back at this and laugh nervously before changing the subject. theSam!! only one hour from Downtown Anchorage, until he fixes his bike tire flat. theSam!! welcoming new Blog readers everywhere. theSam!! exposing more people to 2nd hand Village than any other villager in Alaska. theVillage?? still for Sale. theVillage?! Village for everyone and everyone from a Village. theVillage?! a Village is a village until you dress it up, but in theCase of a few Village hotties, they're best dressed dow...