Hazy Field of View!

(theFollowing is Satire, is Spoof!! from theSam!! and is not to be taken seriously.
Kudos to the Architects whom not only envision Change, but make it happen)


Architects invest in their Fairview Field -of-Vision!!

TAKING A CHANCE: Firm owners see the troubled neighborhood's stash of Listerine and buy a building there.

Published: February 18th, 2008 12:01 AM
Last Modified: February 18th, 2008 03:06 PM
Spoofed Monday Frebary 18teenth!! 2008 2137hrs, that’s 9:37.. oh.. now 9:38for you non military folks!!

A pair of archtects recently plunked their new offices in the middle of one of Anchorage's most troubled neighborhoods.

When asked, “Why plunking!? and not foomping!? or even domping!?,
the pair of archtecs said,

“Because Listerine bottles go “Plunk!!” when tossed away by Inebriates.”
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By picking Fairview, the architects, Pat Kona and Billy Tom, are putting social hour investment ahead of the conventional strategies for locating new office space in Anchorage.

They by passed the epicenter of the city's office-building boom -- centered in the concrete jungles of Midtown and downtown Anchorage -- as well as the major boulevards where professional offices tend to cluster.

Instead, they picked a vacant building at the 13th Avenue and Gambell Street intersection, which has one of the highest rates of police calls in the city and where the sidewalks have long been a meeting place for drug dealers and chronic drunks.

Kachiina and Tom had a special reason for picking Fairview. Other than theObvious free labor supply on hand squatting inside the vacant building that is thePassed out, zoned out chronic Nebes & junkies!? Thinking

Where others see trouble, the arches see a historical, close-knit neighborhood that is experiencing problems with bites of crime, but has plenty of tents!!

"We want to encourage this area," Krochina said.
They see good signs,

stop signs, yield signs, even No Loitering signs
and considered it a “good sign” that this is where they wanted to settle down,

They also see signs, signs, Everywhere is signs,
blocking up the scenery and breaking theMind,

Do this and don’t do that.
Can’t you see the signs!? LOL

Signs such as the heavily graffiti’d sign “welcoming Vibe!! from the Fairview neighbors!!”,
including the small Carrs grocery store -- the city's oldest -- a block away.

“We wanted to see if it were true that after stealing or, even purchasing if we had to, some Mouthwash and consuming it,

If it were true that you could LOOK at theCars store and see if it was still a block away, or several!! EVEN IF you were Standing right next to it!!”

Goo condoms, and lower-priced single- hoes!! prices are going up just a few blocks to the west and to theEast..

Since last Inebriate Slip & fall!!, the Anchorage police have made 11th, 12th, 13th, 14th and 15th and Gambell a special project for community patrol officers,

extra heavy duty “MX” Tasers were issued, “throw-away guns” were also “acquired” as well as other weapons evidence to “Plant!!”

“Consider it an Botony project and we all want green thumbs!!” an anonymous Officer spoke in low tones as he quietly rolled an imaginary blunt pulled/planted from/on suspects.

“We cruise the neighbors on the lookout for Car dealers or drunks who are in trouble or causing trouble", he patted down his pockets for his cracklighter,

an flashLight on one end and a torchFlame on theOther end, as recently acquired from an Investigative stop on an certain "Dummo" one night while he was walking home on 5th Ave!!

So far, we’ve made multiple arrests at theNyes dealership just across theStreet of people wanting new rides and extended mile warranty’s!!”,

“eh.. hold on, I gotta go“............

*theCop!! listens to his Earpiece*

“an military couple just pulled into thedealership and the wifes got an tax refund check.”

"These (architecs) are smarter than the rest of us because they see this neighborhood on the move," said Anchorage Assembledman Allan Tesh,

(whom swore up and down that he wasn’t related to theMusician and TV personality JohnTesh who not only represents Fairview!!,

but whom nauseated audiences worldwide with his “Live At RedRocks“ concert and CD sales,

Not to mention sickening an Certain FormerVillageSafetyOfficers love for thePiano a few years!!)

“We see theNeighborhood Inebriates & Transients on theMove!!, on theRun from thePopo all the time,

Boy do they move fast but only for short distances,
All except for "One DMO", whom, when contacted now late late at night,

Hurriedly eats and drinks his candy & pop!!”

“But those two crazy archtects see the Neighbors through Binoculars, telescopes and webCams hooked straight up to theInet!!,

By theWay, I can’t interview with you long,

theCrazyLady in theWhiteDress is doing a Cam Show at 6, in the dead of Winter no doubt and outside!!”-theOfficer then sped away in apd cruiser.

MISSIONARY POSITION ZEAL

Kaachina and Tatum have “Kleenex” interest in community revitalization and missionary position projects to help the less fortunate and theLess clothed!! Especially if they be cute and hot!!

Just toss 'em kleenex and then spray them down with water!!
In fact, I thinks that a website fetish, I'm not really sure, I've only heard.

Kroachin, in particular, has been involved in missing work around theGlobe!!.
For example, with Colorado-based Chris-Ann, an groupie!! of N’gineering Ministry‘s.,
he helped design a new schoolgirl outfits for Lisi!!, a cityGirl in the State of Georgia.

The Georgia girl Lisi has been getting her schooling in Low-rise office buildings with Visqueen tacked and Duct taped over the windows and classrooms heated by Bar-B-Q grills, Open flame kerosene lamps and porta Generators, Kaching!! said.

"That way, if we find that theSchoolgirls aren’t advancing or doing as well as we hope they will.

Just shut theExits and seal off theVentilation COMPLETELY!! and walk away"......

The Dynamic Architect duo, who met in an Imbibing!! study group, previously led separate lives, as Kiching Artects in Midtown and PhD.Tom in the Dimond mall, but they recently merged their offices, creating NyQuilVision!!. Wink

"It was about time to put our money where our mouth was," Krochina explained.
“Especially when we read that Fairview was a place where everyone was putting theMouthwash where their Mouth WAS!!

They mulled over purchasing the vacant building on Fairview, but encountered some skepticism from their employees, who seemed hesitant to Run-theGauntlet!!

of Inebes&Transients all Sticking their HandsOUT!! to accost them each work day in theParking lots or adjacent streets next to their work building.

The four-story office building on Gamble St. had been deserted for about 6years and a half, after the state Department of Health and Social Services vacated it. well..... Thinking

honestly,

They, theDept SocSrvc’s were run out, Lynched, beaten and never heard from again!!
Thumbs Up

And when another prospective buyer suddenly dropped out of life as well, the LynchMob decided to push forward.

‘Forward, forward and forward some more’ upon the boarded up doors and windows until they gained access to theVacated building and they've been squatting ever since!! Can't look!

Since then theArchies moved their employees into the building in November, and they are slowly renovating it, with hopes of attracting their squatting tenants downstairs into theBasement!!

They would like to see their new digs in Fairview as an investment in the community.
They like that the neighbors are friendly “Peds out on Parole and on ankleMonitor"

and admire the spunk of Fair Community Council, spewing and spurting out!! upon theIssues in tackling Mimes and Vitamins.

But they just can’t grasp theConcept that they can no longer go into theCarsGrocer and pick an Listerine bottle from off theStore shelves, cos everything is locked up now.

Yet sometimes when they DO end up grasping theConcept, they can't seem to let it go, much like an Inebriates grip upon a bottle....

DEALING WITH PROBLEMS

"When you come to a neighborhood girl , you don't want her to put up foam, cervixCap or even Stereo and Bookshelf barriers and lock all her doors," tom said.

So when Nebes and Trans are waiting for a bus at the stop next to their office,
or are huddled around the building water cooler, for water to add to their sodium Nitrate Meth batch!!

Or stand inside its small entrance -- which leads to an service elevator to the upstairs offices --

NyQuilVision!! Bouncers & Staffers don't tell them to get out.

Instead, all Trespassers are handed sheafs of Paperwork, given an extended deadline until theFollowing Monday and are sent out to cold call and follow up on existing Client Vendor contracts.

Even theSam!! was given an Contract assignment but instead, he dashed out theDoor and crossed theStreet,

Back to his old auto dealership hangout when he and his Nebriate buddies would listen to theRadio when he was employed as an SecurityOfficer and had an driving route through this part of town.

No one is told to leave theBuilding at all if they congregate, With One exception, theSam!! Silly
Aside from that, even Alcohol is tolerated inside the building, Kaching!! slurred.

"Ninety-nine percent are common Joes who are having bad luck. ... it's the other 1 percent and theSam!!‘s who make trouble," Chiina said of the people who congregate on the sidewalks at the intersection.

Moving into Fairview was a hard sell for some of NyQuilVision's female employees,
but they say some of their initial concerns have been undressed!!

The Techies installed pay-PerView Web cameras, enabling credit-Card paying employees to monitor what's going on outside.

Plus, the Police, which is trying to clean up Fairview, has told employees to give them Free Cam access if any Hot female employees on Camera crop up, especially clean shaven or close shaven ones.

Knowing that the police are a phone call away, with 2 automated server attendant choices available in English, Spanish, Yupik, Samoan and in SignLanguage!!, Blank Stare

Along with an 45minutes to 2hrs wait time just for a real live Voice to answer,
let alone the 4hr response time for even “one” Officer with a lackadaisical attitude glaring

or else an PissedOff “You bother me with this call - I was eating with my buddies at Casa Rios” attitude Talk to the Hand,

It all makes a big difference, but the scene outside is still unnerving sometimes, said msLucia, NyQuilVision's stuffy office manager.

“One time theSam!! came traipsing by to check back on an job application at theBlackenedAngus and then he staggered across theStreet to Berry’sBar!!

“Meh....
at least Tom and Kaching!! want to make a difference in the ‘hood and I give them up to $100 credit for that," she said.


NEIGHBORHOOD REACTION VIDEO NEBES CAUGHT ON TAPE!!


NyQuilVision has moved into the area that Fairview leaders have identified as the civic “heart” of their community.

The grocery store is there. So are other businesses, including a Lincoln-Mercury car dealership-whom are quick to say “that they don‘t sell Honda Civic‘s anymore!!”

But so are a couple of liquor stores and a drop-in center where people tend to congregate, outside, during the day (and night)

So they too, are not only theHeart of theCommunity, But most notably theLiver!!, theSpleen, and because they smoke so much, theLungs as well.

And the not so obvious, but it really IS. WTF
Is theStomachs that want to eat but won't lift a finger to do any work for it!!

Having such a large building vacant in the neighborhood for more than 5 years was troubling.

Even having theSam!! come live in Anchorage after being an Officer in theVillage for 2.5yrs was troubling!! WTF

"It made a bad statement," hissed Darrel, who recently served as Fair Community council president.

More good neighbors, like NyQuilVision, "is what we are trying to get," Darelle said,
"and here, theSam!! moves into MtnView!!" Wink

The Council!! is working on developing its own neighborhood civic plan, with 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th, 14th 15th and even 16th and Gambell as its economic, Inebriate, Transient andChronic!! Epi-center, she said.

Tesh points to several past and future Musical projects that show his musical ability is "moving up" in the world.

“Honest, I can do better than Live @ RedRocks, I promise!!”

He ticks off a few future albums: The renovation two elementary CD’s he’s yet to release, "theFairview" and "Live!! at Denali!!"

An alleged followup to his the 15th album, fan-base widening project.

"theHood!! has tremendous vitality and opportunity," Tessh said.
*hiccup!!*

---------------------------------

More Top stories »

-Stevens shows why he's known as crafty,

In addition to fishing in theSummer and showing us year after year
why he’s so “Crappy!!”, and then going out to sea and getting Crabs!!

-Architects invest in their Fairview vision,

Wow, they’ll dress up theInebriates in new words to describe their drinking activities now!?

-City wins 2 rulings in train tiff with bar owner,

Ties up 2 cute customerGirls!!; an RollerDerbyQueen & a QuirkyMom of 3!!, to theTracks!!

-State population statistics give Mat-Su growth a new spin,

Their PotGrowth and use Stats that is,
Sure makes a new sensation in “theRoom is suddenly spinning even more!!”

-Sores keeps torturing Thunder for Aces!!,

Yeah baby, yeah..... come to Alaska, play ourTEAM and then.....
play our Women and then go home scratching and itching!!

-Architects invest in their Fairview vision,

one squeaky clean mouth gulp at a time!!
---------------------------------------

I'm theSam!!
and that's that.


Cool

Comments

Anonymous said…
Sam, why do I think this is a tribute to squatters and listerine - make me want to try a swallow of listerine. So some of the squatters next door moved to the village. huh. But I think they left some of their relative behind though - wish they had of taken them to. They real noisey - stomping and knocking alnight. ha

lbj

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