How To Spot theVillage!! K-9 Officer d:oP

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AVT!!
We never said we were Original, we just can’t Explain OUR origins!!, nor that of our Author & his bigNose and beady Lakota eyes.

And speaking of Cold Noses and bad Breath!!
theSam!! presents,

How To Spot a K-9 Officer!!

Reload this Page How to spot a K9 officer....
Just don’t make theMistake of Reloading your MPK-5 Stick “INTO” Fido when, in heat of theMoment,

You get distracted by all theCommotion and pick UP your yapping Dog instead of your sidearm!!

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Hey, Suggestion here!!

Go out into theWoods close to where you Live and see if your PSC / PublicSafetyCareer isn’t out there!!

Do it after you finish your weekly NightOut, when you stagger back home to theHood!!

Quick Links:
These are pre-Prepared ZipTies, 4 of them all intertwined together,

Problem is, theOccupant of each 4Tie Bundle would have to be bending OVER and grasping ankles,

Which pretty much describes “ANY” villageSafetyOfficer OUT THERE in theVillage!!,

taking it like men / women come PayDay and basically EveryDay in Line of Duty!!
-sad- d:o(

Log Out:
Please do Sam!!

And while you’re at it sir, “FORGET” your useName & PassWords!!
----------------------------

-How To Spot a K-9 Officer!!-
1. theMost Obvious clue being “K-9” and “Police” markings painted on all 3 sides of theDutyVehicle!!

But then again, such markings were made for People like theSam!!, whom actually DO need to see theWritings...erh, On theWall, so to speak!! (of pending unemployment!!)

2. Look for theScrungy, mange infested, flea-bit, One-eyed grizzled LEO veteran limping around on 3 legs wearing a marked “K-9” BulletVest,

and in case you need further clues as to theWhom Is!!,
It’ll be theScrungy, mange infested, flea bit etc, LEO “behind!!” theDog.

He’s / She’s 3 legged cos of carrying theWhiteCane and with theMissingEye!!

3. Look for theRED Rocket!! hanging out pretty much half theDay, whenever SurfingOnline or browsing jcPenny’s ads while reading thePaper!!

and speaking of Rockets,
most K-9 Officers like to give Facials to theWife and/or GF’s cos they just love their REDRockets and all.

If they can’t find anyone female to lick their balls, they’ll do it THEMSELVES!!

4. Most K-9’s are specially trained at DrugDetection, so you’ll need to LOOK closely upon theNose and Face of theK-9 to see if,

There’s tell tale white Powder / drug residue on sides of either Nostril!!
There’s Enlarged pupils or at least One pupil is enlarged and theOther is Pinpoint.
There’s a Glassy, Hazy, Foggy look to thePupils and an overall look of “Torpor”

....But if theOfficer is female and Blonde & Happy!!
uh.. We'll pick on theWomen later.
Anyway.

if these clues don’t help.
Then it’ll be theK-9 sitting up in theChair typing Reports on computer, or making phone calls or quietly going through withdrawals and sweating up a storm and NOT theDog quietly sleeping curled up on theFloor!!

Still NOT ABLE to figure out which Officer is theK-9!?
Keep reading cos theSam!! wants you to know these things!!

5. Most LEO’s being “Men”, and I don’t mean that indeed, Most LEO’s ARE men, gender wise enrolling a vocation like Police,

but I mean, that Most LEO’s being “MEN”!!
Will tend to congregate at select times throughout their shift, (and theReally smart ones will do this their whole entire Shift!!) at a favorite EatingSpot somewhere in theCity!!

On average, most LEO’s are Type AlphaMale people.
They like to “Lead!!”, thus, as most LEO’s get older their “Guts” start to “Lead” and there ya’ have it, most LEO’s are just being “Men!!”

So, if you happen to eat at your favorite GreasySpoon or Fine Dining establishment and see a “Magazine” of Cops / or a “DonutBox” of Cops (12Popo’s plus theChief!!)

((For sake of clarification theSam!! will define Magazine and DonutBox.
In various Trade circles you always have “jargon” that describes theIndustry and in Police circles,

So a “Magazine”-which stands for a High capacity of Officers or an “Clip”-which stands for just a handful of Popo, pretty much defines a group or gather of LEO’s!!....and....

a DonutBox!! also describes theNumber, Diversity and varied “sweetness” or “substance” of theOfficers present. Now, since we’re talking in “Baking” terms. a BakersDozen of pretty much Anything means that there’s 12 items PLUS 1!!

And now adays, when you look around and see “some” Popo men. You’ll see that even just ONE officer could technically be a PLUS!! especially with having a Gut!!))


So!!

If you happen to be at your favorite Eatery and see a “magazine” of cops you’ll need to look for theOne ordering anything “Eggs&Bacy” tasting,

and (s)he’ll be theOne staring Intently at others plates and licking their lips - as well as Licking his / her own!! d:oP

Such K-9 Officers can also have their own food Bowls with them so Look for theOfficer, whom will probably be sitting on theFloor!!, with theSmall black Denier-cloth & Neoprene Zip-UpBowl.

6. And in case theAbove item isn’t a ClueGiver for you.

theK-9 Officers Partner is theOne “Sitting” in theFront seat of thePatrolVehicle sleeping while everyone else in inside theRestaurant eating.

Don’t get too close and don’t disturb this Officer or you’ll get a Citation of some kind!!

The front window is only cracked open just a bit to give theOfficer some fresh air.

7. Now earlier, I said that most K-9’s are DrugDetection Officers, in addition to their citationGiving, Car stopping DUI enforcing, ticket giving, Arrestmaking duties!!,

and these Officers are indeed a fine, valuable asset to their Dept in the work that they do with their Nose!!

So.
Bearing in mind this talk about “Noses” and other “appendages” red or not!! hanging out, or whatever!!

We have to tell you that ANOTHER clue to look for and pay attention to when trying to “Detect” theK-9 Officer is for you Dear Reader to use YOUR Nose when trying to detect theK-9!!

Most obviously you’d think that theK-9 Officer was theOne that smelled like a DogPound, that smelled like something died, and that may be true in “some” cases,

But any self respecting K-9 Officer will not lend ANY sort of creedence and Precedence to these negative connotations regarding PersonalHygiene!!

However, we’ll still go first with our Nose and our Stereotypes!!, and why NOT!?, after all, that’s what thePopo men do when they stop YOU!!, is go with their “Nose” and “stereotype” YOU!!

So, use THAT discretion when looking for the following;

Does theK-9 Officer smell like “Mint & Papaya” or like Johnson&JohnsonsBaby shampoo!?
If you guess, J&J you’d be wrong.

Cos theK-9 Officer will smell like they just trotted OUT of a PetSalon!!

and the OfficerHandler will smell like J&J!! (and on theDays off, during crying Jags and emotional outbursts at theBar!! will be smelling like JD, Rum & JD, Stoli & JD with Gin, etc.

Which reminds me, to change my Pin Numbers to my C-C and tell theBarTenders to stop Enabling my dog!!)

8. Does theK-9 Officer have their coat all covered in hair!?

Then that Officer is probably in need of a few applications of any Tape-like ClearTape or DuctTape strips upon their coat to get rid of those pesky annoyances floating around and getting all over everything.

Trust me,
when doing those quick TouchUps with strong adhesive DuctTape,

You WON’T be able to tell which Officer IS theK-9 Officer when looking at theDuo!! of handler and K-9
as they’ll BOTH be hairless!! d:oP

9. Does theK-9 Officer’s domicile or Place where they are kept smell worse than any dogPound!!

If so, then it’s theHandler’s living quarters or Messy House and not where theK-9 Officer lives.

Also, check and see whom gets more snailMail and junk PhoneBooks stacked outside theDoor and you’ll see which Officer is K-9 or Not.

As theDog usually gets theCreditCard bills, theFreeTrips to Maui cos they “Won” an overseasLottery, and lately they’ve been getting free Viagra samples and tickets to SixxFlags & disneyWorld!! (in today’s Identity Theft age, it’s plausible!!)
and theHandler just chases after theMailmen, mormonMissionaries and bites theNeighbors!!

10. Due to theStressful nature of thePoliceman’s job, it’s not unusual for even an Officer to have theOccasional spat with their spouse & family and get other Police called to their house.

Look closely at theDVE / domesticViolenceEvent scene when this happens.
As theK-9 Officer will often be theOne whos Home Isn’t rushed by SWAT, CERT, Rescure and other HRT members,

If theAction is happening in theBIG house with all theWindows and theKickedOut - then IN!! front door then theOther, more smaller house next to it BELONGS to theK-9 Officer.

11. *sigh*

I’m sorry to Stereotype theFemales now.

I mean, it’s gotta happen sometime and I might as well be theOne to say it first,

That, due to theExtensive Role reversals in society at large of gender and TASTE!!
and theInflux of spendable $ / Income and theFreedom that most LEO’s can and do have on their time off,

How do I put this lightly, without offending any women?!, or men!?

But, when looking at theDVE scene that theAgency’s, thePress helicopters and Station NewsVans are all abuzz about!! and when you’re trying to determine which HOUSE is theK-9 Officers abode

You CAN’T judge theFemale spouse anymore to be theOne WHO’s NOT WEARING theCollar!!

d:oP

I mean. Just look at bridePets dot com and whippedWomen etc. and tell me.
When You’re theDoorKicker on your team or thePointMan and you break in,

Whom are you going to believe on SIGHT alone!!
That theOne wearing theCollar and theHarness is or isn’t theK-9!?

*shudders!! uhh...
then shimmies and shakes!!*

d:o)

....moving on.

12. Does theK-9 Officer act all territorial when OTHER K-9’s are present!? or do they behave and sit still.

Or do they get totally embarassed when their Handlers start sniffing each others butts and grab theREDRocket!! and pee openly on anything close at hand!?

If theHandler has pee stained pants, (s)he’s theHandler and theOtherOfficer with theREDRocket would be theK-9 Officer.

13. Does theK-9 Officer “talk” nonStop whether on CellPhone, Agency radioComms, or microCassetteRecorders!?

Does theOfficer glare and warn other Civilian public barking out commands to keep away from theParked K-9 patrol vehicle!?

If you answered yes to theAbove question.
Then you can go to theBack!! of theK-9 patrol vehicle and peek inside into theRollCages and behind theSteel reinforced springLoaded Door and KNOW that THAT’S theReal K-9 Officer!!

14. And speaking of “Vehicles”,

theK-9 Officers duty AND personal vehicles WON’T be theOnes smelling like pound either!!
They’ll be smelling like, like Mint Papaya or CitrusBunch!!

But they will NOT be scummy and smelling like a regular Officers car, like J&J shampoo!!

15. Now use your Other senses, like Your EYES!!
Look at theIdentification photos of theOfficer in question and you’ll see and KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt,

that theK-9 Officer’s theONE that LOOKS exactly like theID photo, to include looking exactly like their STATE ID and other photos.

16. We all know that pretty much everything has an expiration date.

So pay attention to theID photo stats, like BirthDate!!

If theK-9 Officer was born 8 or 9 yrs ago, disregard that Officer’s credibility and know that they’re just regular Popo!! and nothing special.

Real K-9 Officers live to be 23, 30, or heck, even 78yrs old before they retire!!
d:oP

17. And since we’re talking about “Age”, lets talk about “RealEstate!!”
Take a look at theK-9 Officers duty belt or OuterBallisticVest.

If you see theLatest in electronicTazers, Quazars, CellPhones, Batons, Cuffs and theBiggestWonderGun in theDept all taking up space.

Then know that theOther Officer present is theReal K-9 Officer.
Cos K-9 Officers know that theReal toys in life go “squeak!!” and that a bag of Kibble is what makes theSuspectGo down!!

enuf said.

18. And with Age, comes “shoeSize!!”

does theK-9 Officers protective “dogBooties” come in XL & XXL sizes and have neoprene Grips (for Her pleasure!!), and are they Salmon flavored, Banana flavored or taste like poo!?

or does the Officers Protection come in regular and large!?, you know. to cover up theREDRocket!!

As an aside,
when you smell an actual DogBootie and smell a human shoe,

They both smell like death, but what really sorts out thePopo from theK-9 Officers is this one little fact.

K-9 Officers pretty much LIVE in their booties and regular Popomen have to lace theirs up in the morning.

(I know, I know. I don’t get it either.
But it’s almost 6 a.m. and it’s my DAY OFF, what the hell. stay up all night and InetSurf and write!!
Besides, I’m trying to get to 20 here.)

19. Let’s pick on theWomen popo shall we!!

They’re strong, they like to be rubbed behind theEars and given a bone now and then. d:oP

One day, not too long ago, I went to a local hardware chainStore and as I browsed up and down theAisles I noticed that one female was there and she had her Partner shopping alongside as well,

Both wore Collarz!! with razorSharp Spikes & studs & matching Leg wraps too!!
Both had Agency Dogtags!! and were Branded, Tatted and Tagged with ID chips!!

Both looked mean as hell and yet, in away, their big brown eyes just warmed theHeart!!
Both were armed!! and both walked kinda stiff, so you knew where they kept their Police Batons!!

Both had keys to theAgency or Civilian vehicle!! (and they probably took turns Being in Back!!)
Both also had their Whelps with them but theReal K-9 Officer had well behaved pups and the Other mother was a realBitch!!

Both were dyed Blonde with brown Roots showing!! and they had “Cute Landing Strips too!!”
Both had pristine Kibble cleansed breath!! and both had clear Sparkling bright shiny eyes,

I couldn’t tell which one WAS the True K-9Officer, I mean, beyond one having well mannered kidz!!

Both had CreditCards!! and they were excited to be shopping, they were panting a mile a minute!! Big chests heaving!!
Both smelled more like, LilacDreams and CamayWhip.

Both had clearLip gloss on and LipStick smear too
Both also carried “theImportantParts!!” of their Man’s Anatomy with them in matchingPurses!!

and... *giggle*

Both were just “dogTired!!”
Both had strong legs and Thighs,
and
Both had “Whip!!” marks upon their backs and flanks!! and as an aside observation.

Female K-9 Officers will "Spot" themselves about Once a month!!

LOL.....
and speaking of “proclivities!!”

I’ve saved theBest for last!!

20. How do you tell which Cop “IS” theK-9 Officer!?

He'll be the one with the bumper sticker on his squad that says:
"If this squad's a'rockin', step away and stop agitating my dog!!,
my GF will be done in a minute!!”


d:oP

-------------------------------------

luvs,
theSam!!


samuel l flyinghorse
anchorage, alaska

AlaskaVillageTales!!

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