theSam!! ChecksOut His Closing List!!

theDummoSam!! Closes His CheckOut List!!

To Be Done Nightly Sam!!, even if you’re only here 3 hrs a day too at Noon!!

1. Pull & Send!! Mat’s through DishWashMachine / DM (not before 10p.m.) every night. Then Clean theMachine!!

This does not mean sending “SaladStation Matt”, “ServerBoi Matt”, and “lil son Matthias” (scion of theBarMaid!! just because your jealous that “he isn’t YOUR boy!!”) through theMachine,

Besides, if ServerBoi Matt keeps going back to theHalfWayHouse!! cleanedUP, his CaseMgr at JobService isn’t going to believe him that he’s down and Out from smelling like Glassguard, RinseFree and wet potatos.

Remember that last caseLoad mixUp when Matt visited theJobService and everyone throughout theBldg detected theOdor of SaniRinse, Fries and Grease and thought it was YOU Sam!!

2. Run all Glassware Sam!!, even 1/2 racks.

Remember Sam!!, that you carefully place theGlassWare INSIDE the hard plastic racks, AND We DON’T Mean “between” the Plastic Cleavage of theBarGirls Sam!!

btw, how do YOU know that they got Racks hard as formica counterTops!?

And stop getting WhipLash everytime theKidz say “RackOver!!”
Goodness!!,

Elle & Eva are long gone and you still think that they’re playing “MashUp!!” and holding one Boob over theOther for you,

besides, They’ll get Out in 2 yrs!!
(which is WHY they’re GONE from our employment in the first place!!)

3. Not more than two BussTubs of dishes left over including barDishes.
(Have Mgr accompany Busser or Server!! to and from theFrontBar!! to get them)

If you don’t escort them and deter them from staying behind theBar too long then you’ll have to go TO theFrontBar!! to get “Them!!”, theDrunkenBusser or Server!!

As for having our Dummo’s staying Out of theFrontBars and away from theDrinks after closing time, we just put out LeftOver food and leave thePopMachine unguarded, it works EVERY time!!

4. All trash cans sprayed out and relined!!

Let us rephrase this one Sam!!,
Spray out the Plastic, short, round......

no.... Not the short girls.

oh god..... My migraines are coming back.

Just clean out theTrash receptacles and.......
oh god.......

no Sam... those hard things are called IUD's, intraUterin...

ugh.. No. Those plastic rings are CervicalCaps..

No Sam!! that trash bag looking thingie is a femaleCondom and you....

5. Every wall in dishRoom wiped down.

(Yes Sam!!, *sigh.....* ALL 9 walls!! i.e. to include Alcoving & corners that “Add” extra “walls” to the 4-Walled DishRoom,
sweet jeebus, who hired this idiot!?)

wait...
I did.

neverMind!!

Yes Sam!!, you can call my phone number that’s been written on theWalls,

just do me a favor and leave theBigBoobed StickFigures alone that YOU drew, yes I know it’s you that did that.

But, theEmployeeHeightChart that you started in ServerGirl-Yellow and Pinkmarker has got to go!!

Our shortMgr’s don’t like being reminded how really “small" they are sir.

6. DishCart cleaned!!

We don’t mean lining up theGirls!! and running them through theMachine either Sam!!,
well.... Maybe on Thur & Fridays,

as when theGirls all leave early they head down theStreet to theNeonBars!! that host “FoamParty’s”,

They arrive Prepared at least.

7. All China on sheet pans under sink separated and put away.
(one layer on pan only!!)

Yes, yes, We know.....

lil’ Malai and China CAN ACTUALLY fit inside those large baking pans Sam!!

Before you arrived here last summer, we had those girls as theBase for theSushiCart display,

Now that China has an apt of her own she doesn’t need to sleep here in theBar / Restaurant anymore.

8. 3 SinkStation cleaned inside, out, back, wall and front of sinks!!

And Sam!?......
depending upon your Level of Intoxication at nightsEnd.

Don’t do what those Television commercials show when advertising cleaning agents and just make “ONE” swipe through the
dirty patches,

they only ShowThat as Comparison!!, geeezzzz
some people are so gullible!!

9. BussTub on booster heater emptied.

and stop teasing Brule’ about her lil’ “Tub!!” she’s carrying under her shirt,
She’s 16 weeks along and is very self conscious, and speaking of which,

half theGuys on Staff are kinda selfConscious and quiet when she’s around too.

hmmmm............

10. Back wall where dishes are sprayed down and cleaned before going into machine.

You spray with “Water” Sam!!,
you don’t spray theRoaches with gunFire or with bursts of Flame from the DessertStation butane bottles,

This Restaurant ISN’T a battle scene from “Aliens”,

there’s a reason why we told you to never turn theLights off anyway after you leave.

16million reasons!!

11. DishMachine inside, outside, front and top wiped down!!

theDishMachine Inside,
theDishMachine Outside,
theDishMachine Front and
theDishMachine TOP.... TOP!! wiped down

and stop making theNewDMO’s climb up into theAirVent above theMachine!!

We have a hard enough time trying to explain our PayScale, our Food content and heck...
even our popularity amongst Anchorage eaters let alone theWeekly disappearance of a newHire from theRoaches grabbing him!!

12. Shelf above end of DishMachine.

All dishes and everything else put away.

Shelf wiped down.
Nothing left up there. (drinks, dinner, pans, leftOver cheeseCake, ServerGirls!! waiting for you, Nothing!!)

Besides,
where else is theLeadChef!! gonna sleep if he fights with theWife and gets tossed into Jail again!!

13. Outside hood above DishMachine wiped down.

just use theLadder and clean what you see from theOutside,
Don’t stick your hands or anything UP into theHood or the Roaches will get you!!

14. Steel bars under dish counter and 3 sinks cleaned.

We don’t want any food residue left over Anywhere!!, so theRoaches will keep out of theKitchen.

So our LeadChef!! can sleep in peace above theDishMachine on theShelf or else if Maila & China lose their Apt keys and have to sleep
on theSheetPan racks (again!!)

15. Everything OFF theFloor!!
Buckets, Brooms, Blondes, BarMgrs, PassedOut Guests!!, Spray bottles and Milk Crates-but we’ve already said MILF’s!!,

We’re being redundant here, but then again, theSam!! always turns in “DailyIncidentReports” to us and we’ve subconsciously picked up on theStilted, halting, fractured writing habits.

16. Sweep and Mop DishRoom, in front of Office and Elevator too Sam!!

You can stop with theFloorPolish routine,

you can stop Gluing quarters to theFloor and photographing theMgr’s butts when they stoop to pick up the coins,

you can stop theJuryRigging of thePaintCan over theDoor and theLeftOverSoup bucket on theFloor please.

and you can stop ambushing theGirls!! when they leave theOffice and hugging them too!!

anything, just stop all theNonsense and S-W-E-E-P and M-O-P-!-! in front of theOfficeDoor please!!

17. empty and wipe out floor drain!!

theFreakin’ FLOOR DRAIN!!,
we don’t mean empty / “Drain” all unused alcohol from glasses down your gullet,

get hammered and wipe out from slipping on theWetFloor - that’s UpperMgmt’s job!! and they’ll be visiting us for MonthlyInspection next week.

18. Clean hand sink and towel dispenser.

(Nothing will be left in theHandSink, as it’s supposed to be for theWashing of hands only Sam!!)

Stop hiding your cheeseCake slices there,
ha ha ha, and your lil’ Buddies!! theUsed SnailShells will have to “sleep somewhere else!!”, like,

how about washing them in theDishMachine like you’re supposed to and sorting them and storing them up Above on the high racks like everything else,

huh!? huh!??!

19. All trash and boxes out.

Leave theMgrs, theServerBoiz!! alone and just take out theRefuse,

and stop making signs from theCardBoardBoxes,
we know that your weekly DinnerTheatre MimeTroupe routine is a big hit, but mister.

When you’re in my DishPit, you WASH!!
you don’t practice sign making and Miming........

I said. "Put that Middle finger down and stop thrusting your Right fist At me while hitting your elbow with your Left hand!!"

ha ha.....
Making a “V” with your fingers and licking them only works for me when my GF’s do that.

20. Rinse and ringOut mops.
Dump mopWater.

Make sure mopStation is clean and organized.

Also make sure that the 7 corners of your DishRoom and floor are clean Sam!!

You’ll have to STOP using a couple of theTiny, skinny Server & BussGirls!! as mops Sam!!

I thought you were growing YOUR hair out sir, but then you cut it last Winter.

And don’t forget theGroutLines with your ToothBrush!!
as you never take care of your teeth anyway.

BTW, have some more Pop!!
d:oP

DMO Initials:_____________

Date: Server, Buss, Hostess, Bar, Chef!!, Mgr / Office, Guest!! - girl ___________________

------------------------------------

theSteakHouse!!
from theKitchen,
theDiningRoom,

theLibrary!!,
theStudyNook,
theBarLounge,

theBedRoom!! to
theBathRoom!!

let Chive, Cris & Ann ServeYou, BussYou and DessertYou!!
----

theSteakHouse!!
our Souffle's arrive at YourTable at thePeek of Perfection!!

then they happily take your order.
----

theSteakHouse!!
Your Braised Tips and Onions in Cauliflower w/ Mushroom Cap & Corn sides arrived at your Table via,

theJD smelling FoodDeliverDriver!!
theChanti scented FoodPrepGirl!!
theHeadPhoneWearing DummoSam!! after he put fingerprints on your ChinaPlate while stacking a batch hot from theMachine!!

theDisgruntledBroilerCook!! ordering everyone else around in a migraine haze while theGrillChef!! actually did the vegetable and SeaFoods orders, ToInclude YOUR food order while everyone else was taking smoke break!!

theServerGirl!! whom, when hearing "Hands Please!!", from theLineChefs, as a verbal cue that Food is ready to go out to theCustomer, but instead,

she looks at her wellManicured hands while chatting on herCellphone.
To spot these Girls standing in theShadows (remember that they wear black!!) just look for theBlueLight of their CellPhones.

and finally,
theRestaurant's NightShiftMgr!!,
she's fresh from being promoted UP from ServerGirl and still knows her way around theFloor, LITERALLY!!,

as part of her Initiation into ManagerHood, she had to drink everyone under theTable in theBar for a week and then exit theBar,

crawl 3 blocks to her car and weave home without ANY police contact or DUI's!!
----

theSteakHouse!!
Your HOME!!
Your WORLD!!

We'll even special order reflective Glass for your private booth to make it look like theWife is behind theGlass peeking in to see if that's you!! w/ your Hot, young Date.

We aim to please!!
----

luvs,
theSam!!

d:oD

slflyinghorse
anchorage, alaska

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Poop Moose Has Bottomed Out!!!

theSam!! vs YouTube!?

ELECTION DAY 2006