thePublicSam!!
thePublic's Shame!!
The PublicSam!! Report is compiled from citizen complaints filed in Basketball, raquetball, tennis, VillageTribal!!, State and Federal COURTS!!, as well as with “some police blotter information“,
Other “credible sources” come from State Trooper dispatches, fire department / EMS reports and interviews with public safety officials,
These interviews to include a couple of disgruntled former coWorkers, 3 Really-really hot female Supervisors and a couple of Barista stand girls whom have been known to Stalk theSam!! when ever he sets foot in Downtown Anchorage.
theIndividual(s) named as Contacted / Detained / Arrested and/or charged with crimes in this report are presumed innocent until proved guilty in a court of law......
Mehh.. Whom are we kidding!? he's guilty as hell!!
Assault!!
*
‘lil Sam E. Boy!!, 04, los Angarage!!, was charged with 120degree Farenheight assault after a ServerGirl / woman said he twisted her arm Friday at theChippedCup!! when ordering an 20oz Vanilla flavored Steamer,
When pressed further for details theGirl!! stated that ‘lil Sam E!! was just teasing her in effect,
and not really twisting her arm although thePretzelTwists and the “Support theTroops!!” ice frosted RibbonTwists were on sale that day 10% off!!
After being pressured into buying 3 dozen Chocolate chip cookies, running theState FleetAccess 1 credit cards for 10 dozen Coffee Purchases & complimentary refills and 12 bags of HimalayanSelectCoffees, a Silver matching set of Holiday sugar tongs and an Gerkin tray by theTalkativeBaristaGal!!,
we wondered whom was really twisting arms,
*
Sam F. Jeannz!!, size42 x 36Inseam, Snowbanks, was charged with 3rd degree assault after a semi-dressed Native man said the freshly washed and Folded Jeans "threw a heavy glass object" at him late Thursday night.
The Native man had been drinking quietly by himself in his Apt before the altercation.
"I was just looking at....
You threw theGlass!!,
God, ya know it feels like,
forever,
Sitting all alone inside..... my room"
After quickly taking field note music Radio lyrics from thePantless Native man babbling on and on,
Responding Officers quietly backed away and sped out of MtnView!!
*
Wait... I’m not done!!
*
WRUI/ Walking-Riding Under theInfluence!!
*
BusPassengerSam!!, Route 45, Inbound!!, was charged with fella Riding under the influence after State Troopers pulled him over early Friday morning.
When first contacting theBusBoy!!, concerned Police had this to say,
“whom are you, and what have you done to Sam!?”
The officers reasoned that since BPS!! works so late and can be found asleep during theTime frame of which he was allegedly contacted,
something must be really wrong for him to be up at 0900hrs.
A chemical test found his Morning breath-alcohol content to be 0.130.
BusPassengerSam!! has two other Accusations for Riding Under theInfluence or refusal to submit to a chemical test in theCity from one of theMothers!! of one of his Officer girlfriends within the past 10 years, according to a complaint filed in VillageTribalCourt!!.
Additional contact with BPS!! yielded evidence of “needle use marks” upon his arm,
Indicative of having been recipient of an Flu Shot from theNative Med Center just moments before theTraffic stop,
“Achoo!!”
*
theGameBoy!!, score 442!! Level 7, GodMode!!, 5th Avenue by Merrill‘s Field, was charged with Walking Under theInfluence after Officers came upon his Person stuck in a snowbank!! on Saturday.
A chemical test found his breath-alcohol content to be .000000161ppm but his blood sugar level 116 / normal,
When Officers pulled theBoy!! from the snowbank and questioned him as to what he was doing,
He replied, “MMPMMPHHHHPHMMMPHHHPPHH,ummmphhhhphhhhphh eennnhthhhhhpp
mmmpmmmhhphhphphhhp!!”
When Officers pulled theScarf!! off theGB!!’s mouth he replied,
that he was just powering up in carbs and sugar at theConvenience store right across theStreet!! to help him in the next few blocks ahead,
Because theDanceClub!! on 5thAve was due to let out soon and dodging in and out of speeding traffic would be difficult on an empty stomach!! Oh.....
and a gust of wind caught him off balance due to his jacket pockets being overloaded with junk and he teetered into theSnowBank.
An observant Officer noticed an “doggyBox” wrapped up inside theGB!!’s grocer sack and a quick inspection yielded 2 Porter house steaks, 2 servings of Mashed tators & onions, a side of Portabella mushrooms and Cheesecake!!
theGrocer sack and all it’s contents were seized for “evidentiary purposes” and the 3 marked Units stood down for Break and watched theGameBoy!! play “Frogger-Pong!!” as he attempted to cross theStreet and Parking lot of theDanceClub.
“ddooohhhhh, car door of an Mercedez,
Ouch,,, front quarter panel of an Chevy and his forehead on the windscreen, that’s gotta hurt!!”
*
Sam I. Am!!, 40 and 2!!, corner of Green eggs & Ham, theCity!!, was charged with Walking / PhoneTexting Under theInfluence after Troopers received an anonymous tip of an "Walkman listening Nativeman parked in the middle of SafesWay grocer parking lot" late Friday night.
Troopers arrived to find I Am!! asleep at the wheel and a bottle of Pepsi nearly three-fourths empty next to him on the seat,
Also found next to mr I Am!! was the impatient passenger of the idling vehicle (apparently theDriver of theVehicle was inside SafesWay still shopping!!)
theImpatiently Waiting passenger who was online with Dispatch, snapped her phone shut and exclaimed loudly to Police,
“he picked a bad time to cut his hair, cos he got cold and needed a place to warm up!!”
As Officers led away the Bald I Am!!,
he slurred to no one in particular,
That he didn’t like his steak cutlets medium rare, in fact,
He didn’t like them in theDogfood box!!
His girlfriend loves them, she’s a fox,
He uses dishes, those ones called “boats”
His DishPit floods, keeps afloat!!
He does not eat cutlets here or there,
He does not eat them anywhere,
you know...
Cos his foxy friend always steals them and she eats!?
An multiMedia text message from thePhone!! later on told Police that he (mr I Am!!) left his Apt because people there were being loud and playing heavy metal guitar music, oddly enough,
over his stereo headphones jacked into his Digital Piano & Crate Amp!!
but he only drank alcohol at work after the Lazy serverGirls!! brought back 3 tubs of unused Wine & Champagne and then parked their asses by the Ice cream machine.
According to a Blog posting filed in court. An anonymous poster reported that his (mr I Am!!) chemical test found his breath-alcohol content to be 0.199. which was indicative of Red wine & Brut!!
*
We’re PublicSafetySam!! and that’s that!!
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to go drink and sing “Red red Wine” at theKaroake bar!!
d:oP
The PublicSam!! Report is compiled from citizen complaints filed in Basketball, raquetball, tennis, VillageTribal!!, State and Federal COURTS!!, as well as with “some police blotter information“,
Other “credible sources” come from State Trooper dispatches, fire department / EMS reports and interviews with public safety officials,
These interviews to include a couple of disgruntled former coWorkers, 3 Really-really hot female Supervisors and a couple of Barista stand girls whom have been known to Stalk theSam!! when ever he sets foot in Downtown Anchorage.
theIndividual(s) named as Contacted / Detained / Arrested and/or charged with crimes in this report are presumed innocent until proved guilty in a court of law......
Mehh.. Whom are we kidding!? he's guilty as hell!!
Assault!!
*
‘lil Sam E. Boy!!, 04, los Angarage!!, was charged with 120degree Farenheight assault after a ServerGirl / woman said he twisted her arm Friday at theChippedCup!! when ordering an 20oz Vanilla flavored Steamer,
When pressed further for details theGirl!! stated that ‘lil Sam E!! was just teasing her in effect,
and not really twisting her arm although thePretzelTwists and the “Support theTroops!!” ice frosted RibbonTwists were on sale that day 10% off!!
After being pressured into buying 3 dozen Chocolate chip cookies, running theState FleetAccess 1 credit cards for 10 dozen Coffee Purchases & complimentary refills and 12 bags of HimalayanSelectCoffees, a Silver matching set of Holiday sugar tongs and an Gerkin tray by theTalkativeBaristaGal!!,
we wondered whom was really twisting arms,
*
Sam F. Jeannz!!, size42 x 36Inseam, Snowbanks, was charged with 3rd degree assault after a semi-dressed Native man said the freshly washed and Folded Jeans "threw a heavy glass object" at him late Thursday night.
The Native man had been drinking quietly by himself in his Apt before the altercation.
"I was just looking at....
You threw theGlass!!,
God, ya know it feels like,
forever,
Sitting all alone inside..... my room"
After quickly taking field note music Radio lyrics from thePantless Native man babbling on and on,
Responding Officers quietly backed away and sped out of MtnView!!
*
Wait... I’m not done!!
*
WRUI/ Walking-Riding Under theInfluence!!
*
BusPassengerSam!!, Route 45, Inbound!!, was charged with fella Riding under the influence after State Troopers pulled him over early Friday morning.
When first contacting theBusBoy!!, concerned Police had this to say,
“whom are you, and what have you done to Sam!?”
The officers reasoned that since BPS!! works so late and can be found asleep during theTime frame of which he was allegedly contacted,
something must be really wrong for him to be up at 0900hrs.
A chemical test found his Morning breath-alcohol content to be 0.130.
BusPassengerSam!! has two other Accusations for Riding Under theInfluence or refusal to submit to a chemical test in theCity from one of theMothers!! of one of his Officer girlfriends within the past 10 years, according to a complaint filed in VillageTribalCourt!!.
Additional contact with BPS!! yielded evidence of “needle use marks” upon his arm,
Indicative of having been recipient of an Flu Shot from theNative Med Center just moments before theTraffic stop,
“Achoo!!”
*
theGameBoy!!, score 442!! Level 7, GodMode!!, 5th Avenue by Merrill‘s Field, was charged with Walking Under theInfluence after Officers came upon his Person stuck in a snowbank!! on Saturday.
A chemical test found his breath-alcohol content to be .000000161ppm but his blood sugar level 116 / normal,
When Officers pulled theBoy!! from the snowbank and questioned him as to what he was doing,
He replied, “MMPMMPHHHHPHMMMPHHHPPHH,ummmphhhhphhhhphh eennnhthhhhhpp
mmmpmmmhhphhphphhhp!!”
When Officers pulled theScarf!! off theGB!!’s mouth he replied,
that he was just powering up in carbs and sugar at theConvenience store right across theStreet!! to help him in the next few blocks ahead,
Because theDanceClub!! on 5thAve was due to let out soon and dodging in and out of speeding traffic would be difficult on an empty stomach!! Oh.....
and a gust of wind caught him off balance due to his jacket pockets being overloaded with junk and he teetered into theSnowBank.
An observant Officer noticed an “doggyBox” wrapped up inside theGB!!’s grocer sack and a quick inspection yielded 2 Porter house steaks, 2 servings of Mashed tators & onions, a side of Portabella mushrooms and Cheesecake!!
theGrocer sack and all it’s contents were seized for “evidentiary purposes” and the 3 marked Units stood down for Break and watched theGameBoy!! play “Frogger-Pong!!” as he attempted to cross theStreet and Parking lot of theDanceClub.
“ddooohhhhh, car door of an Mercedez,
Ouch,,, front quarter panel of an Chevy and his forehead on the windscreen, that’s gotta hurt!!”
*
Sam I. Am!!, 40 and 2!!, corner of Green eggs & Ham, theCity!!, was charged with Walking / PhoneTexting Under theInfluence after Troopers received an anonymous tip of an "Walkman listening Nativeman parked in the middle of SafesWay grocer parking lot" late Friday night.
Troopers arrived to find I Am!! asleep at the wheel and a bottle of Pepsi nearly three-fourths empty next to him on the seat,
Also found next to mr I Am!! was the impatient passenger of the idling vehicle (apparently theDriver of theVehicle was inside SafesWay still shopping!!)
theImpatiently Waiting passenger who was online with Dispatch, snapped her phone shut and exclaimed loudly to Police,
“he picked a bad time to cut his hair, cos he got cold and needed a place to warm up!!”
As Officers led away the Bald I Am!!,
he slurred to no one in particular,
That he didn’t like his steak cutlets medium rare, in fact,
He didn’t like them in theDogfood box!!
His girlfriend loves them, she’s a fox,
He uses dishes, those ones called “boats”
His DishPit floods, keeps afloat!!
He does not eat cutlets here or there,
He does not eat them anywhere,
you know...
Cos his foxy friend always steals them and she eats!?
An multiMedia text message from thePhone!! later on told Police that he (mr I Am!!) left his Apt because people there were being loud and playing heavy metal guitar music, oddly enough,
over his stereo headphones jacked into his Digital Piano & Crate Amp!!
but he only drank alcohol at work after the Lazy serverGirls!! brought back 3 tubs of unused Wine & Champagne and then parked their asses by the Ice cream machine.
According to a Blog posting filed in court. An anonymous poster reported that his (mr I Am!!) chemical test found his breath-alcohol content to be 0.199. which was indicative of Red wine & Brut!!
*
We’re PublicSafetySam!! and that’s that!!
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to go drink and sing “Red red Wine” at theKaroake bar!!
d:oP
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