theSam!! Answers Your Questions!!

honest...

Really!!

for reals ok?! ?!

Anyways.

Let 'er rip!!
---------

-Cold + gas = cash?
Does hot or cold weather make your car use more gasoline?-submitted by AnonymousVillager!!

-theSam!! Answers!!
I'd say COLD weather.

Cos if theVillageChick!! girlfriend(s) have taken theCar!! that means that they'll drive all the way to theCity!! just to import alcohol back into theVillage!!

Cold weather means sitting for hours roadside and idling theEngine, using theDefrosters and cranking theHeat up!!

After all, the average VillageChick!! hardly wears a thing anywayz, Jeans, a skimpy top and perhaps a Hoodie, and they all share the same pair of shoes,

And all of theAbove (even the "sharing of the same pair of shoes) just taxes theEngine of a vehicle to no end, in fact,

all PublicSafetyVehicles, whether Police or Fire and especially Police vehicles are most heavily used & eventually worn out / damaged of all vehicles,

because they run almost 24 / 7 / 365, and just above that listing of Police vehicles being most heavily used is "My vehicle",

it's theMost Stolen & Returned vehicle in theVillage!!

In fact I quit reporting it as stolen 14 months ago, it was being taken and returned on an almost daily basis, in fact, in 2 months theEngine turned over twice!!

*sigh*

any way, Cold, Cold cold cold!!
next questions!!
-----------

'Parallel universe' theories continue to intrigue scientists.


theSam!!
??

is this a question or is it an headline blurb!?

Well, since it's written and submitted, I better answer it lest I be accused of censoring.

Yes, Village studies have concluded that parallel universe' do indeed exist out in theVillage!!'s,

You'll find that such things do exist in very Cute!! form, these "Centers" are called VillageChixxx!! and do not ignore them!!,

just don't or you'll face their wrath.

In fact, each Village!! has on average, about 8 to 195 of these cute alternate universe' running around, chewing gum, gathering in globular clusters and in general,

using their immense 'crushing' gravitational pulls to attract handsome villageBois!! and to "crush" the reputations of their competition.

Sometimes these Universe' can be alternate, identical, sober, veryHigh & strung out, or just wacky and completely silly!!, oft-times they can be Horizontal (especially theGoodLookingOnes!! who are Mothers)

Additional VPSO studies have concluded that there too exists, other "centers of theUniverse!!" way out there in theVillage!!,

these Phenomina are called, VillageConcils!! or TribalCouncils!!
These entities too, carry immense gravitational weight, heft and crushing size.

They can take years, if not generations to even draw up Local / Village ordinances and even longer time to even begin to enforce such local rules and laws!!


Danger!!, Danger Will and Robinson!!

Do not approach theEvent horizon that marks theOuter boundaries to these Villages!!

To illustrate theComplexity!! of these Village / TribalCouncils!! and how long you'll be held captive by these massive beasts should you venture too close,

Just look at a few of their Native NonProfits websites,
You know,

theOnes that sit there on Server and Never EVER EVER!! get updated!!

theEvent horizon is like THAT.
You'll get too close and get sucked in and "sshhoooop!!"
You be Gone,

but Your image will be visible for well over a thousand years to everyone else that looks,

In fact, if You'll take a look at some of theVillage!! council "books" and at some of theState!! books,

You'll see that they have many VPSO's enrolled in employ throughout theState!!
But for reals, they have less than 70, when they make it look like all the 300+ villages!! are filled with Officers.

In fact, Just look at MY Profile picture.
I'm thinking that I'll keep THAT posted for, over a thousand years so that I'LL stay ForeverYoung!! (and new visitors to this Silly blog will be thinking that I'M still employed as VPSO)

oh theVanity.....

Anyway,
Stay away from theVillage!! unless you wanna get sucked in!!

That "EventHorizon" is sposed to crush you, and pull your molecules apart and stretch you to infinity,

kinda like your weekly VPSO work schedule and what Everyone will do to you as you get endless calls (each day!!)

Even your girlfriends will run you ragged and stretch your Resources (i.e. Your MONEY!! / $!!, your Patience, your health) very thinly, trust me.

next questions please....
--------

Wishes to be printed on Times Square New Year's Eve confetti

??.
theSam!! says.
What theHell!!

is this another trick question or is this just another silly cut and paste from aol, yahoo or juno!?

*sigh*

no one respects me by asking legitimate questions anymore I tell ya'.
No One!!

*sobs..... boohooo hooo- sniff-sniff- boo hoo!!*

I'm ok, I'm ok...

anyway.

Technically, You gotta admit that having wishes printed on confetti is a novelty thing and yet looking at what "wishes" people write,

to them it's no Novelty at all.
Just look at some wishes here for instance.

So far, messages have included everything from wanting to be taller or having a smarter boss to healthy children and asking for the safe return of a child from Iraq.

"Peace in the World," reads one posted on the "virtual wishing wall."

"Another person wrote that they wanted their husband to get a green card so that they could join them here in the states,"


Now.. isn't that sweet!?
Someone wants to be taller, and someone wants a smarter boss.

Ha!!

I'd ask to be a tad shorter and certainly I too would ask for a smarter boss, I mean, he still has no idea whom TP'd / toiletPapered his plane parked at theAirport!!

LOL

and most certainly I will be logging online here in another hour to wish that my 2 Russian lady friends can get GreenCards too!!

*sigh...*

anyway,
I'ts nice to dream, it really is, Such things keep Hope alive and keep us looking up.
And then some of my Villagers!! give up dreaming.

and their dreams die, and alcohol takes over their lives and they turn to violence, and soon,

the only "Looking up" they ever do is when theVPSO or VPO is trying to talk to them, holding their chins up etc,

Gauging their eyes, their Pupils and ascertaining if any medical help is needed for theInebriateVillagers!!

I dream of Sobriety for theVillagers!!
I can dream too.

That theVillageChildren!! will have a steady nights sleep, and food on the table, and their relatives can be nice and normal instead of "someone" arguing every day and making day to day life unstable for theKids!!

as for MY wishLists,
I too have them engraved, stamped and printed on small confetti style pieces of plastic and just sitting in a box on my OfficeShelf.

Inside theBox is a handful of fresh, unused "TASER" weapons cartridges,
And inside those cartridges, sit theLeadProbes and 21' to 25' of monoFilamen wire and that's not ALL!!

For too, inside those cartridges are small packets of "Aphids",
and not just theInsect variety of Aphids that you and I used to see in gradeschool science classes, in theClass room acquarium,

NO. These "Afids" I speak of, the "confetti" as it were, with my WishLists all printed up on them,

thePrinting is actually a multiseries of Alpha & Numeric code that is strictly unique to that specific taser cartridge,

and Each successive taser cartridge is different from the next,
So that when, and IF an Police scene is ever picked up, or, all evidence is gathered by forensics,

when they use adhesive tape in the area where an alleged Taser-shooting occured by Police, The adhesive tape will have picked up theThousands!! of confetti-like pieces that have been scattered all over the place,

Big city police depts and even us VPSO's have "controlled" access to these cartridges, and even the Lot numbers correspond to theWishList!! Afid numbers inside.

I checked it out once,
did have to use my taser in theVillage!! and then later on I went back and looked on the floors with a flashlight and an magnifier glass,

You'll see them all smaller than this dot right here >>>> . <<<<<< That one.

So. There you have my wish lists, just sitting upon theShelf,
waiting to be used and,,, well.

Just use 'em if you have too.
I can dream too.

Next.. Next topic!!
---------

-How Do You Eat Whale!?-submitted by curiousVillager!!

-theSam!! says:

Hey curious Villager!!, You must not have been sitting around that one campfire
during that first "Picnic time" away from theVillage!! in the early spring.

Because if you were there to see me eat my first helping of "mukTuk" (Muck Tuck / whale blubber) You wouldn't be asking me this question.

I sniffed suspiciously at the the piece that was given to me by an VillageElder!!,
I picked it up and ascertained that it was soft and firm,

and I bit into it and discovered that it was very chewy, or rather,
that you had to chew and chew on it,

and the taste was, really greasy, like eating bad tasting rancid grease,
In fact, freeze a gallon of crisco shortening, cut it into Butter stick sized pieces and enjoy!!

After the first piece was chewed on awhile by me and swallowed,

I bolted the rest of theWhaleBlubber down really quick.

It was after I did this, that theVillager!!'s gathered around the campfire then brought out theSealOil!!, an tasty delicacy,

It's actual seal oil, and it's like drinking an oily mixture.
It's got a nice flavor to it, and I can barely get the gist of how SealOil is so addicting. Practically every Native in Alaska LLLOOOVVVEEESSS seal oil.

kinda like how I love my candy bars & pop everyday.
--------

-a youngVillageKidd!! says.
"What is your favorite video game!?"

-theSam!! just loves playing,

NavySEALs in Godmode.
You just go into theCache files and look up "One" little line of command code and erase it.

err... at least that's what theTechHeads all said when I asked about "cheatCodes" to Google while on theInet one day.

come on!!
Never in a million years would theSam!! ever figure out how to make it through even one level of an simple PC game all by himself.

You're looking at someone whom took 6 months just to get OUT of the freakin' cave with lauraCroft!! in her debut PC game in 1995.

After theTiger "Killed me / her!!" too many times I got smart and grabbed theGun after theGame dropped me into the cave.

*sigh*

Now you got me all depressed, thinking of some Hot English chick!! running around before me in tight shorts, a skimpy shirt and a wide duty belt that was just made for spanking her pert bottom!!

*silly!!*
d:oP

Anyhoo.
and my other favorite PC game is SpecOps!!

I get dropped into enemy territory with a partner and I also removed theCommand codes in that game and now play in "God" mode.

It's really fun cos I can cycle through weapons and pick theGodMode option and then I change characters,

becoming my "Partner" and putting him into GodMode and then cycling back to the1stSoldier I was, then we quietly sneak through and past all Enemy soldiers.


I'm very patient like this, after having played this SpecOps game enough times I know where everything is and where everyone is,

I sneak around and quietly throw grenades to cause distractions and I even throw smoke grenades and then keep moving,

It's must my way of showing, if only to myself, that a War game isn't always about racking up "Killing" points. If you put your brain to use, you can match wits with a simple PC game,

and in godMode, I can fly-literally!!
My character just rises above and if I make him Run or Walk, he keeps moving,
I then cycle over to thePartner soldier and I make him fly too,

We leap frog over each other and move past theEnemy.
And.

I know it's just a game, theMilitary games I play, but my lil partners mean something to me, I don't ever leave them behind or lose them.

In fun, in jest one time, I fragged a game buddy. HA ha. And I felt bad.
oh well. After that, theEnemy always got my buddy instead of me,

Next up I'm going to get a WWII ships game, like what Nintendo first had in the 1980's with that Submarine game,

In playing that game I'd quietly sneak under theEnemy ships and sit there.
Or else wait for them to come my way,

And after a certain time at certain depths,
I'd send a torpedo to intersect where they'd be,
and sometimes, I sent a torpedo out Behind me and slowly moved away.

I was good,
an "ace" if you will.

I love pc games,
But haven't even tried those new console games,
well...

Aside from being theGorilla or thePrincess!! in that MarioKart game,
back when my teenage Sister was just a cute 'lil kid and we'd play MarioBrothers all afternoon,

And even Yoshi, he drove a mean goKart too.
----------

-an anonymous blogger had this to point out:
"Will Stoli, Sterno & You (me!!) ever continue to be HolyTrinity!?


-theNextDay!! answered for theSam!!


Heck no.

But in another month or so, theSam!! will make another attempt to step up to theBacardiPartyLine!!

or at least to glibly utter more PickupLines!! at theParty!!, as "have I arrest you yet?" and "when do you get off Parole?!" just don't have the right rings to them like they used to.

Yet, if you tell a girl that theShoeStore!! at theMall has a pair of stilletto's that match theAnkleMonitor!!, she'll sling YOU over her shoulder and drive you to theMall-even at 0300hrs / 3 a.m. in the morning.

I mean,
theSam!!'s lil 32oz Lidded & Strawed Drinking Cup from theHospital was an yr 2005 gift from his GallBladder,

theSam!! doesn't want anymore gifts of anykind from any other body Organ.

Never again, no way.

After being tipsy twice, theSam!! isn't going any further with that ever again.

I mean, theFieldofView!! was narrowing and everything seemed so far away....

"And How!!-theSam!! interjects.
---------

Did theWritersStrike!! ever affect you, theSam!!?
-signed, a Cast member of "OneVillagedLife2Live!!"

-theSam!! retorts these words,

(while hesitantly grasping theFront pocket of his "pocketT-shirt", then he realizes that he's not wearing theT,

in fact, he just got back from washing clothes down theStreet and just undressed and got settled into his room, all comfy, all nude and with a plate of food,)

"Not really, I...
where is that,


Oh!!, I washed it,
or did I leave it at theLaundry again!?

I swear, everytime I go in that place theMgr glumly walks up to me and hands me a bundle of shirts, socks, a pair of pants, even some towels that i forgot the last time I laundered?!",

(plugs his cellphone in to theWall to charge,
then turns to his PC, watching theFading images come and go,
of various pics in his "slideshow" screensaver mode,)

"aahh. bondageRackLindsey!!, and hangingByherHeelsRachelle!!, I miss them.

"yumm, steak sandwich,
taken.... Where!?

where did I eat that day,
Riding theBus!! and then I got off and explored that Eastside strip mall,

did await theBus!! and saw that one drunk guy staggering and fall,
And was dismayed to find out that CSP "wouldn't" go that far south or East.

Due to funding and due to jurisdiction issues,
ohhh I was so mad that day,
and APD dispatch was trying to calm me down,

finally theEMT's arrived and saw theHelpless man,
I hopped theBus!! and left the area.

why did I go eat way over there?!, and why did I take a bus that I never even consider using!?

Wow, Such a huge rack that one has.
Where did that photo get taken?!

Was it in some Villagers!! home, or was it at theMuseum?!

After getting my cameraPhone I started to photograph everything with it,
I love my lil phone.

*sigh*

Waahhh!!
Cold cold cold.....

Must be "dressed" while holding Iced Pop drink between knees,
anyway.
-------

theSam!! will pause for station identification and will post something else more silly for the next installment of

AlaskaVillageTales!!
------------

lovs, theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, ak

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