I Am!!

.....and Taylor hobbles into theCheckpoint alongside her hefty Magnum!

That babe is incredible,

After weeks of training after her work hours at theWildernessLodge and then opting to participate in theLocal Community 5Mile Fun Run to Represent (and Resent!!) her AlaskanPrincessLodge where she works as Server, BarTender, 3rdLineCook and LoungeDancer!!

She's finally able to show theRest of theValley just what it means to be a Princess!!

Is it theFact that she's Barefoot!?

Is it theFact that she's only sporting thePainted on race Number and NOTHING else?!

Or maybe it's theFact that "technically" she does have a bicycle at her side,
or at least theMagnum name,

as that is a line Name of bicycles, but theMagnum she has at her side is a bottle of spirits!!

As most of you Shooters know, that after a few shots of Magnum, you think you can fly or sing, dance or in this case,

that you are actually "riding an bicycle" as part of theRace you are participating in, as we look closely at theBottle we see it's just a skosh under being halfway empty!!

at least she lost theCape and stopped singing!!
and it took 40 people to get her off the Community flag pole too when she ran by the school,

*sigh*

She's got 30seconds to, uumm, "change" into her Royal blue elastic Ponytail holder and start theUphill run to theAlaskanPRINCESSLodge!!

Wait, what's she doing?!
She's chugging theRest of theMagnum, and hands off theEmpty to an Friend/LodgeEmployee and she starts sprinting theWrong way!

Her friends and even theLodgePrincess!! herself is chasing Taylor to get her to run theOtherWay!!,

aahh, indeed, running from thePrincess!! as fast as one can truly marks theSpirit of todays Race!!

We'll return to continue UnCoverage!! of this annual race event of "Escape from Employment!!"

as this race marks theFall exodus ofSeasonalEmployees from theResort Lodges of theAlaskanPrincess!!

Have they caught her yet!?
--------------------------

PrincessPoll!!

theSam!! is 106% Princess!!

Do YOU?! Are YOU?! Have You?!
[ ] You own over 10 bottles of nail polish

[ ] You own over 7 different LINES of nail polish

[x] You still remember theBurn!! of acrylic & monomer upon your digits
(circa 1988 Beauty School days and keep theWarehouse stocked full of such product for use when you need captured Rival Tour company employee/kidz to talk!!)

[ ] You own perfume that cost over $60

[x] You STILL keep your tenz-of-Hundreds of colognes & perfumes that cost less than $60
(to cut your Drinks, to flavor theKitchen DinnerSpecials, toSpritz upon an passed outEmployee to get them in trouble with theSpouse!!, to freshen your breath as a quick Pick-me-Up after waking up in theWoods and another BusLoad of Guests just pulled into theLodgeGroundz that you have to go meet!!)

[ ] You have fake nails

[x] You have a fake smile that looks Real!!

[ ] You have real nails that look Fake!!

[ ] You have fake breasts and they Look Real!!

[ ] You have real breasts and they Look Fake!!

[ ] You SMUGGLED all your nail polish, products and utensils through AirportSecurity on your way up to Alaska to work for theSummer!!

[ ] You have more hair products than you can use

[ ] You own stock in 10 different HairProducts companies worldwide

[x] All 6 LodgePrincess' consult YOU on hair product use and implement your training programs in their LodgeSalons

[ ] You have enough clothes to cover an entire refugee camp.

[ ] You have only 5 spools of DentalFloss, and that is enough to provide theWhole AlaskanPrincessLodge female workers in 'Kini bottoms for Life!!

[ ] You "packed" all these clothes into one Cartier Rollabout dufflebag and breezed through AirportSecurity!!
(even though you know that you won't be wearing even 3 items from your bag for theEntire summer work season at theLodge!!)

[x] You have enough pictures to create your own wallpaper.

[ ] LodgeMaintainance is still pissed off at you because they were never able to "Remove" your pictures that you used for Wallpaper 3 yrs ago in your HousingRoom

[ ] You have your own Mail service and photo ID with theLodgeAddress because you live inState 6months out of theYear
(because of your permanent Room at theLodgeEmployee housing!! Even caretaker guests look after your two dogs during your Winter absence!! though it was a bother for you to get new caretakers for your dogs at theLodge fter that one Family husband went beserk and killed theBlackman with an axe, and damaged several doors with an axe after chasing his wife and child....)

Total: 5

Do you?! Are You?! Have You?!

[ ] Have a hair color that is not your natural color

[ ] Have such colored hair upon your body that ISN'T upon your head??

[ ] Mix and match your Carpeting with your Drapes

[ ] Show your friends your Decor photos on mySpace

[x] Have souvenier locks of hair from catfights with other LodgeEmployees & even from an LodgePrincess or two!?

[ ] Have you a secret hiding place for such souveniers in your Permanent LodgeRoom?!

[x] Have “blonde moments” at least once a day

[x] Have "AlaskanPrincess!! moments" at least once an hour!?

[ ] Have "theSam!! moments" constantly

[ ] Constantly keep your phone at your side

[ ] Constantly keep your latest Bottle-of-Spirits in hand-even during Sleep

[x] Still chafe at theAlaskanLodgePrincess' rejection of your fantastical idea that the "pphhooommp!!" sound of an WineCorked bottle depressurizing be theLodge's Company anthem piece

[ ] Dance around in your room when nobody else is home

[x] Does theAlaskanPrincess!! dance around in your permanent Lodge room when you aren't there 6 months of the year
(you only know because your TowerSystem and teddyBear webcam is plugged in and always ON as you Remotely bounce and Ping Spam, hackerCodes and Lodgehatemail around theGlobe during your winter time off)

[ ] Refuse to go out in public without makeup

[ ] Refuse to go out of your Employee housing room without fake nails

[ ] Refuse to go out of your housing room without first hacking theSecurityLodge cams to see where LodgeSecurity currently is!!
(even when YOU ARE Security!!)

[x] Refuse to go out in public without a fake smile

[x] Refuse to go out in public without repeating you "Daily PrincessAffirmations & Entitlements" 500 times

Total: 12

DO YOU ADORE

[ ] colored hair upon YOUR head & body

[x] Colored hair upon other Lodge Employees bodies

[ ] Other people collections of colored hair

[x] Other LodgeEmployees collections of Nail polish, nail products & implements, hair care products, to lastly include a few items of clothing

[ ] Makeup
(and abhor Totally!! all makeup remover)

[ ] Glitter
(to exclusively include PrincessSilver, PrincessGold and crushedDiamonds, CrushedPearl and even gunPowder from a few stolen bullets from NightSecurity)

[x] The Color Pink

[x] theColor Purple

[x] theColor Red

[x] theColors Black & Blue
(similar in hue to theVillage!!'s DVE/domestic violence event black&blue, although thePrincessLodges have similar shades exclusive to them)

[ ] theColor of $ / Money

[ ] other People's Money!!

[ ] Shopping onSite or Online

[ ] shopping for Nail polish & related products, hair color & related hair care products, audio/video recording surveillance hardware,

[ ] Jewelery
(to include BodyJewelry, toe rings, Tongue rings, clit rings and even looking for Guys to give you PearlNecklaces)

[ ] Mirrors
(hand compacts, small hand mirrors, and even large Wall and Ceiling mirrors)

[ ]Chick flicks
(with titles that include "her First Time", "Deep Inside of....", "theBrutal Caning of.....", "Whipped & Beaten Asses", "Girls Boarding School", "Bukkake facials..."
etc.

[ ] Shoes
(even though you hardly wear any shoes up in alaska, Heck, not even that one time thePrincess!! paid you and a few others Double theRate to stay in theIcePrincess Lodge&Resort during theMilleniumCelebration up in Northern Alaska, what with temps down below -50deg F that winter and it was YOU that lead the 5Miler SledDog ride Tours and overNight Snowcamping excursions)

[x] Rainbows

[ ] Hearts

[x] Fuzzy kittie pictures
(and I guess, to include pictures of cute fuzzie kitty cats too)

[ ] Unicorns

[ ] Really really cute late model cars

[ ] Disney Movies

[ ] Late night "get rich quick!!" infomercials

[ ] daily City Council meetings on theCity tv channel

[x] Candles

[x] Cute female Candle holders

[x] and Admire really really Cute female candle holders that can easily take beer can sized candles and light em up with a smile while providing mood lighting for you and your date

[ ] Flowers

[x] cute female flower holders

[x] and Admire really really Cute female vases that can easily take a bundle of UnThorned Roses and a clutch of BabiesBreath "next door" too

[ ] Stuffed Animals

[ ] Stuffed employees of Other competitor Lodges
(of which you keep hidden in your Permanent Lodge room and closet in Alaska)

[x] Purses
(to include theCollection of "Found" purses in theAlaskanPrincess' basement collections, to include theLeather handled Nylon totes that are theRage out in theAlaskanVillages amongst all theVillageChixxx!!, and lastly, to include theAssault tried and true bags that you've flung-swung and struck!! your Victims with)

[ ] Boots
(not that you really wear these either, but just to keep up appearances and instill any hints of normalcy to your family and friends who don't know any better)

[ ] Starbucks
(although you can make any espresso drink much better when gathering your cute AlaskanPrincessLodge friends together to Include a few Hot preggerChixxx!! eeh.. strictly for theSteamers and whipped cream!!, and the rest of your friends for theHolding of wet ingredients and various Flavorings)

[ ] any Bar!!
(although no bar experience is equal to drinking in an AlaskanPrincess!! LodgeBar because you never know Whom, What!! will be your server and What!! will be in your drink, and from Where or Whom!! your drink or shot will come from}

[x] Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams!!
(at least until that one Year when theSalmonRoe was in short supply, so thePrincess ordered all Fat & Fertile females to report to her secret Laboratory for Harvest of their Eggs!! and she ordered theBoys next to donate themselves for theSalt!!)

Before we warp even Ourselves we'll continue with thePoll here.

Total: 27

Do You Do!!

[ ] whomEver!!

[ ] whereEver!!

[x] whatEver!!

[x] whenEver!!

and do You do these things

[ ] Before

[ ] During

[ ] After

Total: 29

DO YOU SAY, PLEAD, YELL or SCREAM OUT:

[x] Whatever.
(to Include; Wherever, whomever Else, whenEver, Anytime and... bring theKidz!!)

[x]Oh my gosh!! / Oh my goodness!! / oh my god!! I'm (your) pregnant!!
(again)

[ ] Will you still respect me in theMorning?!

[ ] Cash or Credit-cards only please, just swipe theReader on my Multi-MediaPhone here, Sign theMedical Release and theHoldHarmless form and our session will begin shortly, You will experience only slight burning upon contact and it should go away after a minute......

[ ] Hun/honeyBunz!!
(to Include but not limited to;
sweetheart,
hotcakes (or Sausage),

taco or hotdog,
lad or lassie,
heyYou,
Who Are You!?,

Where Am I?!,
What's going on-why am I wet inside?!,
Where are my clothes and why are my Balls Numb!?,
My name is______ and I'll be your AlaskanPrincessLodge experience this week!!,

That was 3 yrs ago and you're still holding a Grudge?!,
That was 18 yrs ago and who did you say your Mother was?!)

[ ] (jokingly)] That’s hot

[ ] (jokingly) Kidding!!

[ ] (jokingly) Ohh!!

[ ] Dunzo
(I'm at a complete LOSS as to what this word means but since It came in theOriginal format and I've decided to put an Princess!! twist on things and pass theSavings onto YOU, I'll leave it in, which btw, is what I LOVE to DO!! woohooo!!)

[ ] Darling
(followed by theFollowing:
but you promised!!,
I have a headAche!!,

I still haven't healed from theLast Belt & Caning session,
I still haven't finished crushing your hopes & dreams, totally ruined your hopes for a better future and besides, we're not finished with your bank account yet!!)

[ ] Psh
(to Include:
Ppsshh!!!,
Psshh!!
Ffssss!!
Phuupphhh!!
Pghghpghpghghhfhphhbbtt!!)

And these utterances are from your Rectum, not your mouth!!

[ ] Cutie!

[x] Hottie!

[ ] Totally

[ ] Fer Shur/ Fo sho

[ ] Fabulous / FFaabbuulloouuss!!

[ ] hell ya!!

[ ] like

[ ] duh
(Duh!!, dih, doh!! Dee and Dah!!)

Total: 32

Do You Read:

[ ] Cosmopolitan/Cosmo Girl

[ ] Anchorage Daily News!!

[ ] Cleo

[ ] Fleo

[ ] Geo

[ ] Marie Claire

[ ] E-Claire!!

[ ] Flair!!

[ ] That's So Not Fair!!

[ ] Elle

[ ] Vogue

[ ] Vague!!

[ ] Dolly

[ ] Varden

[ ] Girlfriend

[ ] Boyfriend

[ ] theWife!!

[ ] theHusband!!

[ ] Teen Vogue

[ ] Teen Angst!!

[ ] Hormone!!

[ ] Reckless Urge!!

[ ] Famous

[ ] In-Famous

[ ] And..Just Trying To Be!!

[ ] New idea

[ ] Great idea!!

[ ] hair-Brained Idea!!

[ ] I have No idea!!

[ ] NW

[ ] NE

[ ] SE

[ ] SW

[x] Madison

[x] Jenni

[x] Tara

[x] Holly

[x] Heather

[x] Kelli

[x] Dani

[x] Petra

[x] Chica

[ ] Who

[ ] PerezHilton.com

[x] AlaskaVillageTales.com

[x] any and all Monthly memo's, reports and Notes from theAlaskaPrincess!! herself,

and while we're on theSubject....

Can You Read!?
[ ] Yes
[x] No

Total: 44

Have you Seen These:

[x] *Pull up your shirt and shimmy-shake while Squeezing and Hefting*
On TV?!, At theLatestLodge party?!, in an E-mail posting?

[x] Legally Blonde
(and for theRecord, Have your ever been Legally Blonde!?)

[ ] Elizabethtown

[x] Mean Girls
(no we don't mean any gathering of AlaskanPrincess' or theActual Lodge MatronGirls themselves!, or even any pack or Case of VillageChixxx!!)

[ ] Now & Then
(and even theDuring.... oh!! Wait, It said "Now", nevermind)

[ ] The Notebook
(to include any racy, scandalous pics upon?!)

[ ] A Walk to Remember
( uh.. What!?, Where did we go?!, what did we do after you gave me that drink?!)

[ ] Sweet Home Alabama
(and don't forget Sweet Home AlaskanPrincessLodge!!)
Just gotta plug one for thePrincess!! and One too!!

[ ] Where the Heart is
(after it's removed from behind theSternum, it's placed inside an jar and kept upon theShelf!!, just go inside an one certain Girls unattended Lodge room to find out!!)

[x] Just my luck
( yeah. Mine too!!)

[ ] John Tucker Must Die
(not to be confused with theVPSO!! must die, or that one kooky 1970's B Movie, theBeast Must Die!!)

[x] Centerstage
(even BackStage, OffStage and Upstaged!!)

[ ] Bring it On
(and theLater released, BIO now Bitch!!)

[ ] How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(this one was Ripped from thePopular How To Series, "How To..."

Like these shameless Titles;
How To Be an AlaskanPrincess!! in 5 months!!,
How To Keep an Seasonal Employee In Suspense!!....by theNips & Ankles,

How To Lose an Seasonal Employee in 2 months,
How To Lose an $500 Paycheck in 2 hours....and you've never even Left theLodgeGrounds yet!?

How To Gain 6000 Employees for 160 Days!!....and keep at least 2000 coming back again and again (and again!!)

How To Keep Night Security Happy.....with TatorTots, Square Waffles, Pizza and decadent CheeseCake!!

How To Brainwah... uh. Train your Seasonal Employees in only 1 Weekend!!

[ ] Mona Lisa Smile
(other than some stupid classical painting, We haven't either.
But our employee Mona L not only smiles, She suspends, writhes screams and pleads for us.

Total: 49

Are You/Have You Been Addicted to…

[x] LOST
(and other than Half our Fleet bus drivers, half theTime!!, have you ever Been?!)

[ ] America’s Next Top Model

[ ] theAlaskan Villages Next Top Waddle!!
(due to popular demand thePrincessChannel decided to Loop this series in our 6 Lodges)

[ ] Project Runway
(SpinOff's from this are Bikini Runway-To Wax totally or not?!, Project "run Away!!" an expose from several regional VillageChixxx!! upon life under their Public Safety Officers thumbs)

[ ] Desperate Housewives

[x] Desparate Villagers!!

[ ] Desparate Acts & Measures!!

[ ] The Simple Life

[x] theSingle Life

[ ] theSingle Wife
(??!!)

[ ] Next pussycat doll

[x] theNext VillageChick!!

[ ] theNext AlaskanPrincessLodge Seasonal Emp!!

[ ] theNext VPSO!!

[ ] theNext Prisoner!!

[ ] 8th & Ocean

[ ] 3rd and Drunk

[ ] 4th and Staggering

[ ] 5th and Collapsed!!

[ ] 1st and Passed Out

[ ] Grey’s Anatomy

[ ] theVPSO's Anatomy

[ ] VillageChixxx!! Anatomy

[ ] The O.C. -- so high school, I know...

[ ] theOC!! so HighSchool, so TeachersHousing, so VillageGeneralStore
so VillageCouncilChiefsHouse, So VPSO's Office & Holding Cell!!
including just about anywhere ELSE the darn stuff's been sprayed!! I know

[ ] Laguna Beach/The Hills

[ ] Nip/Tuck

[ ] gilmore girls

[ ] VillageGirls!!

[ ] Veronica Mars

[ ] theVPSO's from Mars!!

[ ] One tree hill

[ ] One VPSO Village

Total: 53

ALL TOTAL: 53

53
x2
= 106


COUNT UP HOW MANY YOU CHECKED. MULTIPLY BY 2

THEN REPOST AS "I AM 106% AlaskanPRINCESS!!"
----------------------

to Recap theBottle...
oh.. I meant, to Recap theRace

Holli, Jenni, 'Nessa and Taylor signed up to participate in theLocal communities 5 miler fun run.

This was an Bicycling and Running event and theWinner(s) of theRace would receive various prizes and local accolades and hopefully thePrincess wouldn't beat them so hard later that night.

theAlaskanPrincess!! finally caught up to Taylor and got her turned around running theCorrect way.

Taylor had much to be thankful for from working at theLodge and running up and down theStairs with arms full of RoomService food & drinks, Hauling vacuams, cleaning supplies and bundles of bedding & bath supplies up to the 2nd, 3rd and 4th story rooms.

Heck, she even covered for her drinking friends by carrying them on her back away from theParty!! in the woods when NightSecurity was on Patrol,

Holli, Jenni, 'Nessa and Taylor, in their collective efforts, did win theRace.
After all, if You're an AlaskanPrincess!! It's just expected of you to be Number 1!!