theSam!! on Fire

Summer Sale

"Summer" is here in Alaska and we at YVC Inc (doh!!) wish to draw your attention to theWonderful new products we now have at theLobby Boutique stores.

...well....they're not "new", nor is it really "we now have" per se,

Actually they've always been there just sitting and collecting dust, kind of like our Boutique staff!!, and speaking of "drawing".

that Chalk outline!! on the carpet floor next to theWinterApparel rack is still there!!
.........after 8 yrs.

theRobbery, theShooting, theVandalizing of theLobby store by theManagement.
*SIGH*

at least theVictim didn't stay there on theFloor 8 yrs.
Anywho.

On with telling all of you about theSales we have going on.
* BoyBeaterz / GirlBeaterz T-shirt for Kidz!!
Front: motive "VillageTuff", or “Village Angel”
Back: YVCInc (doh!!) background logo in DVE black & blue and your Home village name in "Homebrew" yellow
Material: 100% uncombed cotton (boys) and 100% combed & braided cotton (girls)

* For the Ladies
The YVCInc (doh!!) & your Home village logo has not only been applied with carefree Flair and artfull panache!! to these soft Virgin *cough-cough-Ahem!!* cotton XXL Tee's.

But theLook has the raised up welted look & feel of Leatherbelt & blunt object-to-Skin strikes, see folks, not only does YVCInc (so?!) require file copies of DVE pics from each VPSO for insurance & liability purposes, to justify having VPSO's out there--Far Out. There!!,

But if you think about it, there's just something incredibly moving about looking at theBlushed, Crimson backed, almost fading to Yellow on theEdges......

*sniff-sniff*
(it's so beautiful!!)
*sniff-sniff*

Where was I?

oh... theLogo's. Yes!! yes, God yes!!

theLogos have that honest to goodness Domestic Violence Event / DVE artsy flair that just speaks to me,, er.. to You!!

In fact our Artists are former & current DVE offenders,
Besides, we had to find something for them to do while incarcerat... um, er....

While being gainfully employed in our City "offices" and due to this alleged employment while serving time,

You can just feel their Frustration and Angst as the lettering has been applied with Hairbrush effect. (and Belt, Whip, Ruler, even the smaller Diamond Willow canes!!)

And to further add Insult to Injury!!
Both applications (logo on the front & lettering on the back) can glow in the dark after being exposed to light.

Buy one for theHoney!! then get her drunk and go find her later after she crawls under theBed, under theSofa or under theHouse!! as you'll still be able to see her!!

* Hand Bags
So VillagePrecious!!!

This Canvas Black bag with genuine Moose hide shoulder strap and numerous applications

(theDelightfully Tacky yet Unrefined!! Gold colored embroidery on the front & Silver salmon coloured “YVC Inc (doh!!) & your Village name” lettering and DVE Knife-wound Red coloured outline logo)
can be carried by both, men and women.

And for those true HandBag collectors, for an extra fee your DVE Red coloured logo outline can also be CrimeScene Warning Yellow tape outline or else WhiteChalk outline (just like they do for marking positions of Bodies!!

Also makes great Tote for importing your favorite alcohol into theVillage!! as well as an expediant weapon for use upon your favorite VPSO / VPO!!

(this is why the bag is made of heavy canvas, we found that Nylon gets slippery with Blood and falls apart after about 50 good hard Wallops, but Arrest reports conclude that canvas holds up very well and leather is better!!)

These gandhabs are very popular in our Interior region of theState,
since "everyone" owns one you can Import and DrugRun into your Village to your hearts content and when accosted by your VPSO,

just drop theBag on theSpot!! and walk away,

that's that!!

Even if you're theOnly person there with your VPSO.
Just toss your hair over your shoulder and glibbly spout
"So What,
Everyone has a bag like that,
It's Not Mine!!", as you walk / drive away!!

* Customized T-Shirts
Classical red flaming VPSO Patrol vehicle or his own POV!! on the front and “Your best Arrest stats” lettering and Crime scene / Victim photos background photo Collage outline on the back.

These custom T's are backOrdered 6 months and feature authentic Photos from the Top 3 VPSO's in our Region featuring their;
-Burning Public Safety Building / HoldingCell & Melted CrownVictoria parked in front!!
theFlattening of theVehicle tires and theAssemblage of makeshift Pinyata (sp?) VPSO's propped up in bed, propped up in the hallway, even propped up on the street and burning in effigy!!

Would your party friends be staring at your bouncing boobs or muscled chest?!
Nah!! they're oggling theScenes of destruction and mayhem printed on your T-shirt,
they're watching memorable scenes of your Village Officers frustrated efforts and toil all Gone Up In Smoke!!

-Face & Body shots of their Hottest, Cutest VillageChixxx!! welts bumps & bruises.
theGirls are in various positions and in various states of Undress too!!

Although we wonder why some of them, from theSame Village!!, are wearing the same VPSO ballistic vest,

wearing the same men's clothing, wearing the same Updo's and "makeup" and why they have the same weapons, computers, musical instruments props,

why they have the same bikini "LandingStrips" and what they're doing on the same MassageTable etc.

We'll have to talk to an certain Officer here soon.
*sigh*

-Each VPSO's Academy OC spray training days "after" pics,
theElectronic Tazer training days "during" pics, By far our most popular and sought after photo collages of our Boyz in brown scratching their eyes and faces,

running Nude through theAcademy in a Panic HOURS after showering theOC off,
burrowing into theSnowBanks to get theHot pain OFF their skin,
hanging out theAcademy dorm windows in full view of passersby / drivers by.

for our next years lineup of these OC spray & Baton use T-shirts, we're working on adding those button cell powered speakers

so you can just Press theOfficers picture on your T-shirt and hear him scream in Pain as he gets OC sprayed, baton struck and physical trained to death at theAcademy!!

besides...........it's only Fair. As no doubt, they sit back in their offices and relish each second of their Micro-cassette & Digital DVE recordings and when they take your alcohol & drugs away.

They play & replay You,

now you can play & replay them!!

And get this, each T-shirt is signed by theOfficer's training Troopers and Sgts!!
And we thought DVE porn would be theTop draw......

-Trashed out Apts & Burgled Homes and various items pilfered from "undisclosed sources" in our YVC Inc (doh!!) region. YVC Inc cannot, under contract penalty disclose identities of our undisclosed resources!! or for that matter not even our Unclothed Resources.

So plot, plan, scheme away and ActUp!! Then snap & photoShop away and submit your best Work to our offices in Complete anonimity and we'll pay you!!
oh.... which reminds me.....
Mary H of Hans Mill, great work on the Officers house fire in your Village!! We'll send your customized engraved (see below) Zippo lighter and your T-shirt(s) to your relatives, since you're now in jail under other less-than-Indigent circumstances.

Johnathan D M O A of Lower YVC Inc region, since your AK arrest report stats list you as having 8 different residences within the last YEAR!! Kudos to you for stealing theVPSO's snowMachine and ditching it 100 miles away!! Your check is in theMail!!

These Custom T's are so popular that OTHER / nonVillagers behind bars (white people) are begging to be allowed to help manufacture, paint, press and embroider these items.
In fact, we allowed a Dozen white kidz to pick up the slack only because they submitted an idea to our offices via an Bathroom stall scribbling.

So we now offer these Custom T's in preStretched out Condition (think Fleeing from your VPSO and s/he's almost caught you but hangs onto your shirt while running!! or else think of your shirt getting all knotted up in a struggle)

And we now have 4 young White women behind bars who Blood-let in an artistic manner and they Pre-Stain your shirt for you.

Besides, if it's mostly Guys buying and wearing these T shirts, it's only natural that a woman's blood be ON the shirt anyway doesn't it?!

We're consulting with our LegalTeam to NOT be held responsible for any future Crimes committed in our Region and theVPSO's / VPO's use forensic tools and L-I-F-T any DNA samples from any Customized T shirts that you wear.

Goodness, and here we all wanted to do was just sell cheap junk from our offices and have fun and now Litigation fears ruin everything and take all the fun out of free enterprise.

ok... on with theMadness.

* Village Duty Belts
SamBrown, the original maker of Police duty belts and whom ended up with theDistinct honor and privilege of having just about ANY type of duty belt loaded with Police accessories named after him must be rolling in his grave.

As these Leather belts with round buckle “V” for Village!! in theCenter logo are most popular with theVillageChixxx!! these days.

Get your own "batBelt" and your Man!! can always have an improvised, readily accessible instrument to use upon your person after he gets mad at you for....

for.....

well, for just about anything as evidenced by the recent DVE summer spike.

Anywho, you can carry your Cell phone on these smaller slimmed down DutyBelts and even carry yourself or have your buddies carry you back home safe after you party too hard and need assistance,

Just call your friends and they whisk you away before your VPSO arrives!!

These belts were carefully constructed under strict tutelage from an Certain former Navy
ParachuteRigger turned VPSO,

theOfficer!! has been doing lots of Prisoner transports into theCity!! anyways and so we put his downtime to good use, besides, he can get his Pop, chips candy, Milk & Poptarts at theVillageGeneral store!!

these VDB's include hidden sleeves on theInside of theBelt (we here at YVC Inc (doh!!) throw in 4 Police Grade Zipties per belt) for storage of various sized zip ties and other compact fold-out restraint systems and speaking of RESTRAINT.

The reason these belts are a smaller version of an VPSO leather duty belt is that we have an instant TargetMarket in theVillage already (VillageChixxx!!) though many just don't know it yet or just flat out won't Accept this concept (just yet)

and when theGirls!! buy these belts and use them to hold up their jeans, after they get Arrested by their VillageOfficers the belts are strong enough to also double as Prisoner Restraint Systems thus making PrisonerTransport that much safer, easier and convenient.

Attention!!! The Break-Away buckle can be exchanged via theVelcro flap-n-snap mechanism, now thanks to a press button system, for example when accosted by your local Lawman and he grabs your belt, just Press-n-Run!!

* Zippo Lighters
We saved the best for last here folks. These little beauties are theBoutiques bread-n-butter.

these lighters are Silk finished, powder coated Zippo made with engraved logo “YVC Inc (doh!!) and your Village name”.

We applied to Zippo for the exclusive (patent pending) Press-n-Dash flint striking technology.

Basically for all you Village fire bugs, just press theTop button down and it clicks into place thus saving your thumb for those 5 to 10 seconds of lighting up your friends smokes and Tokes all at once,

um.... We'll let you come to your own conclusion as to What Else!! thePress-Toss!!-n-Dash applications can be used for.

If you're THAT Dumb wondering what theMan on Fire metaphor is, then scroll back up to theBurning VPSO man entry above!!
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