theAlaskanPrincess!! Speaks theSpoof!! (again)
and much like everyone else, she makes her Pee some Other way!!
---------------------------
This Being theST Patty's Day Weekend!!
theAthabascanAlaskanPrincess!! thought it would be a hilarious idea to draw up an WantAd again and put it on KegzList!!
since the2008 Summer Tourist Season will be upon "Her" once again!!
I tell ya', no one works harder at keeping theTourists!! more happy than
the6 AlaskanPrincess's and that includes their Yawning, Snoozing buddy-theSleepingLady!!
Over, Under, InFrontOf, In theArms of, Beside and evenBehind!! her Tourist men & women, theAlaskanPrincess!! will do anything to please her guests,
by reaching over, under, AROUND and even through for YOU, erh....
just don't ask her to be up before Dawn though, as those two love to Cuddle!!
-----------------
Please Female!! at AlaskaVillageTales!! TO GET THE Employee File Document sent to you.
Below is a list and description of theAlaskanPrincess!! 2008 Summer Tourist Season speaking roles.
PLEASE NOTE: the roles of Dragging Ass!!, Whats His Face!!, Eats CheeseCake!! and Hugs Alot!! have already been cast, by pretty much theSame!! guy,
theSam!! will return as our vaunted NightSecurity and sleep all day, drag his ass in the morning time to breakfast and lunch,
and then what's his face will show up once again in the afternoon at theLodge!! to eat cheesecake before dragging ass back to his HousingDorm Module room,
Only to reappear a few hours later in theEvening and pretty much hugging all theCute female staff Still on duty before he goes OnDuty!!
We wonder if he'll be able to see his toes once again after 5 months eating thePrincess' cheeseCake and steaks (again) !!?? ??
Speaking roles:
theAlaskanPrincess!!'s Character Breaks Down!!
Someone from Indiana!! - whom shows up driving an jeepCherokee, Preferably male mid to late 20’s, up to 6'5" of Medium to muscular build.
43 Guest service scenes a day , first spoken scene 4 page 12 when he stops along the road side to ask a JoggingPrincess!! directions to her Lodge!! last spoke scene 354 page 1015
2038 speeches 3986 lines!!, 80 shirtless scenes, 15 drunken scenes, 5 obscenes, and 2 major blowouts with an Princess!!
Dragging Ass– Alaskan or Native American male 20’s to 30's, 6’ tall, muscular build.
726 scenes first spoke scene 2 page 1, last spoken scene (thank god) 8945 page 1045
10,898 speeches.....
Wait... theSam!! already took this one, why'm I bothering posting it!?
Oh yeah.. here's why?!
300 running scenes-from Moose, Bears, Tourists!!, from dozens of Princess' girlfriends!!, LOL, and his mother shows up at theLodge!! and pretty much Everyone runs away. Me too.
Half theDrunken scenes he's in, he's disoriented or crawling, and he's involved in dozens of major blowouts with thePrincess's!! and 3 Vendors!!
theWildRose!! – an Goth looking Tattood, chain smoking, hard drinking!! female early 20’s, 5’6” + strikingly beautiful as well as hitting On or Hitting pretty much any Male in reach of her!!, athletic muscular build.
Note, thePrincess!! will double your employee insurance policy for 2 yrs upon event of Pregnancy!! and if you return for a 2nd Tourist season!!
You might even get to move Out of Employee housing and into an Management House if you stay through theWinter season!! As caretaker, wait.. we might be saying too much already!!...
8723 scenes, first spoke scene 15 page 35 after your friends rouse you from your Stoli fueled torpor when thePrincessLodge!!Coach broke down and stranded everyone 7hrs at AnchorageAirport!!
But you have to run from Police and make it clear across town on a bike and get picked up by theBus!! over on Anchorage East side after robbing a liquor store and blacking out!!
last spoke scene 953 page 115.... well.
Ya just might stay here and raise theChild!! and...
19,169 speeches 2191 lines (a day!!)
theCarpenter!! - an European male, 60’s 5’6” Thin to medium build.
Only 36 scenes, first spoke scene 8 page 3, when Airline Security lost your power tools!!
We call this character theCarpenter!! because,
After mistakingly hearing your name, 'Carpetier', theAlaskanAthabascanPrincess!! writes it down as 'Carpenter' on her employee payrolls lists
and ever after she assigns you with Maintainance in fixingUP, addingUnto theLodge!!, theEmployeeHousingModules!!,
building a fort for theSam!! aka What'sHisFace!! so he'll stay out of theSandbox in theGuests horseshoe pits!!
I mean, metal to theHead doesn't phase theBoy!! but leave theSchnozz!! alone, so, anyway.
oh.... and plus, because you'll have a tendency to hate ALL things Western, Including all theAmerican's working for theAthabascanPrincess!!,
it's only fitting that you have a ClawHammer, a PickAxe or access to dangerous chemicals. Trust us, by 3rd month of employment you're gonna finally make thePrincess!! realize that you're a pastryChef!!
But only after you wave that 4" diameter Frenchstyle rollingPin at everyone and thePrincess!! thinks it's a leg for her BarStools she wants added to ALL of her nightClubs,
so she sends you to theCity!! for a load of Lumber and some upholstery fabric.
And, for this role of European man working in remote Alaska, must have nervous tic in One or Both eyes, you must have starred in several European films with horses, donkeys and a few pron stars too!!
thePrincess!! will be forgiving if you've had an girlfriend!!
After all, you'll be European in her SummerCast!! So be offensive starting now!!
Even if you don't get thePart of "theCarpenter",
start pinching female butts and make loud smooching noises!!
After all.
You DO HAVE to BE in your 50's or 60's to get thePart as well!!
(even theSam!! was considered for this part too, but, he keeps quiet with his mouth when eating, kissing, even when he's sweetalking thePrincess!! while she's reading her newspaper,
she had to get a HearingAid just to make out anything he's had to say to her!!
he never repeats himself either, he just talks to himself, mostly!!
Anyway, as cast member for theCarpetier!!, your last spoke scene 374 page 297
382 speeches 2954 lines-and that's a lot of Lines for only 36 scenes!!
OcokeannaStogi!! – this part was to be an NativeAmerican / AmericanIndian type, like a Cherokee male early 40’s 6’ 2” large muscular build,
but thePrincessPill!! decided to give her long term Employees, all 5 of them, whom played the part for each respective Lodge here in Akaska!! a summer break.
Literally!!,
thePrincess!! chopped and broke up her "dimeStoreIndians" and added them to theFireWood stocks,
So, Old "Coke and a Stogi!!", theStoicNative!! figures standing guard in each Lobby & Hobby shop will be played by actual People!!-instead of wooden figures!!
And this day and age being EqualOpportunityEmployment & all. ThePrincessPill!! decided to let anybody apply for these rolls at each of her luxurious Lodges!!
But there are some interesting things you have to do!!
However,
if you don't play this part convincingly enough for thePrincess!!, she'll add you to theFireWood stocks at end of season,
and You'll get no End of season bonus either!!, plus 2 free downloads of screensaver Headshots of thePrincess!! herself, and an autographed dinnerNapkin!!
obtained after many a secret lonely night of Her!! eating a lovely meal in her Lodge banquet rooms, quietly listening to DeathMetal!! over theLodgeLoudspeakers and wiping her food soiled mouth (autographing it for you!! theLucky winner) and eating herself silly on CheeseCake!!
So. Put UP!! or get Cut UP!! And good luck on this role if you get it!!
228 tourist Photo scenes a week!! and you'll have to sign an Indemnity form holding thePrincess!! harmless for all your appearances in people's Photobucket accounts, picWire, fotoPhish and all youtube accounts too!!,
Your first spoken love scene is #3 page 1 when from theMoment you first meet ANY fellow Lodge!! employee YOU MUST upsell all tobacco & cigarettes and drinks too!!,
Your last spoken scene however, is #532 page 795 after you get cancer from smoking so much, and your family shuts off your life support system!!
Unless, unless, After thus having failed to fulfill your employee contract,
thePrincess either gets to use your body as firewood or else your family cremates your ass and gives you to thePrincess!! anyway, as a token of goodwill!!
enjoy your 3352 speeches and those 1145 lines
*sniff!!!*
of Coke!!
Collectors, Willy & Christenson – two conjoined, White males, early 30’s 5’+ - medium build
212 scenes, the first spoke scene 33 page 12, and your last spoken scene after theCarpenter goes after YOU both with a powersaw and successfully separates you,
#332 page 896
You'll both have 249 speeches 970 lines each and then when you're separated by Malice.
You'll both be babbling up a storm finally glad to be rid of each other!!
Note, you DON'T have to really be joined Up in real life, just in theAlaskanPrincess's summer Tourist season Play!!
of which she's not only theStar!!, but she's directing also!!
So, get a friend and a tube of superglue!!, Glue and assCheek together and send thePrincess!! your OutTakes via BoobToob and she'll pick theMost convincing Cast members!!
what have you got to lose besides, some muscle and skin!?
Trust us, thePrincess!! has more to lose than you if she doesn't start hiring more LodgeWorkers that are just "different", Your pain is really HER gain!!
Ole Navy Hood!! - an africanAmerican / Black male adult, mid 40’s, Slouching 5’8 + a heavy build.
Just 116 scenes, first spoke scene 7 page 2, when theWhiteKidz at theAirport mistake you for thePorter and hand you their luggage!!
last spoke scene 251 page 48 halfway through theTouristSeason!! after some LodgeWorker buddies make fried chicken, beef corn pone and hand you Malt beer.
Your replacement will then be, an old faded blue Hoodie!! from oleNavy stores via a ThriftShop stop!!
and it will finish out the 2008 Summer Tourist season in your place where it will date AND propose to anPrincess!! (an coworker)
and she'll wear you nonstop for theLast week of working at theLodge!!
So...
if you think you got what it takes to not only Work for thePrincess!! but to actually BE an PrincessPill!!, browse AlaskaVillageTales and prove it!!
best of luck with your summer 2008 employment dreams!!
or maybe theLack!! there of, like theSam!!
cos already he's sent for a replacement PIN for his QuestCard / foodStamp debitCard!!
We think he's entertaining dreams about buying 7 grain bread, 3 types of juice, peanut butter and honey and frozenPizza minis with his card when his CaseWorker approves of his unemployment status.
Already he's practicing HIS 146 speeches with 149 lines when he visits theJobServiceCenter on Gamble!!
---------------------
luvs,
theSam!!
slflyinghorse,
anchorage, alaska
and quite happy to STILL be a Diva!! if not an AlaskanPrincess!!
d:oP
---------------------------
This Being theST Patty's Day Weekend!!
theAthabascanAlaskanPrincess!! thought it would be a hilarious idea to draw up an WantAd again and put it on KegzList!!
since the2008 Summer Tourist Season will be upon "Her" once again!!
I tell ya', no one works harder at keeping theTourists!! more happy than
the6 AlaskanPrincess's and that includes their Yawning, Snoozing buddy-theSleepingLady!!
Over, Under, InFrontOf, In theArms of, Beside and evenBehind!! her Tourist men & women, theAlaskanPrincess!! will do anything to please her guests,
by reaching over, under, AROUND and even through for YOU, erh....
just don't ask her to be up before Dawn though, as those two love to Cuddle!!
-----------------
Please Female!! at AlaskaVillageTales!! TO GET THE Employee File Document sent to you.
Below is a list and description of theAlaskanPrincess!! 2008 Summer Tourist Season speaking roles.
PLEASE NOTE: the roles of Dragging Ass!!, Whats His Face!!, Eats CheeseCake!! and Hugs Alot!! have already been cast, by pretty much theSame!! guy,
theSam!! will return as our vaunted NightSecurity and sleep all day, drag his ass in the morning time to breakfast and lunch,
and then what's his face will show up once again in the afternoon at theLodge!! to eat cheesecake before dragging ass back to his HousingDorm Module room,
Only to reappear a few hours later in theEvening and pretty much hugging all theCute female staff Still on duty before he goes OnDuty!!
We wonder if he'll be able to see his toes once again after 5 months eating thePrincess' cheeseCake and steaks (again) !!?? ??
Speaking roles:
theAlaskanPrincess!!'s Character Breaks Down!!
Someone from Indiana!! - whom shows up driving an jeepCherokee, Preferably male mid to late 20’s, up to 6'5" of Medium to muscular build.
43 Guest service scenes a day , first spoken scene 4 page 12 when he stops along the road side to ask a JoggingPrincess!! directions to her Lodge!! last spoke scene 354 page 1015
2038 speeches 3986 lines!!, 80 shirtless scenes, 15 drunken scenes, 5 obscenes, and 2 major blowouts with an Princess!!
Dragging Ass– Alaskan or Native American male 20’s to 30's, 6’ tall, muscular build.
726 scenes first spoke scene 2 page 1, last spoken scene (thank god) 8945 page 1045
10,898 speeches.....
Wait... theSam!! already took this one, why'm I bothering posting it!?
Oh yeah.. here's why?!
300 running scenes-from Moose, Bears, Tourists!!, from dozens of Princess' girlfriends!!, LOL, and his mother shows up at theLodge!! and pretty much Everyone runs away. Me too.
Half theDrunken scenes he's in, he's disoriented or crawling, and he's involved in dozens of major blowouts with thePrincess's!! and 3 Vendors!!
theWildRose!! – an Goth looking Tattood, chain smoking, hard drinking!! female early 20’s, 5’6” + strikingly beautiful as well as hitting On or Hitting pretty much any Male in reach of her!!, athletic muscular build.
Note, thePrincess!! will double your employee insurance policy for 2 yrs upon event of Pregnancy!! and if you return for a 2nd Tourist season!!
You might even get to move Out of Employee housing and into an Management House if you stay through theWinter season!! As caretaker, wait.. we might be saying too much already!!...
8723 scenes, first spoke scene 15 page 35 after your friends rouse you from your Stoli fueled torpor when thePrincessLodge!!Coach broke down and stranded everyone 7hrs at AnchorageAirport!!
But you have to run from Police and make it clear across town on a bike and get picked up by theBus!! over on Anchorage East side after robbing a liquor store and blacking out!!
last spoke scene 953 page 115.... well.
Ya just might stay here and raise theChild!! and...
19,169 speeches 2191 lines (a day!!)
theCarpenter!! - an European male, 60’s 5’6” Thin to medium build.
Only 36 scenes, first spoke scene 8 page 3, when Airline Security lost your power tools!!
We call this character theCarpenter!! because,
After mistakingly hearing your name, 'Carpetier', theAlaskanAthabascanPrincess!! writes it down as 'Carpenter' on her employee payrolls lists
and ever after she assigns you with Maintainance in fixingUP, addingUnto theLodge!!, theEmployeeHousingModules!!,
building a fort for theSam!! aka What'sHisFace!! so he'll stay out of theSandbox in theGuests horseshoe pits!!
I mean, metal to theHead doesn't phase theBoy!! but leave theSchnozz!! alone, so, anyway.
oh.... and plus, because you'll have a tendency to hate ALL things Western, Including all theAmerican's working for theAthabascanPrincess!!,
it's only fitting that you have a ClawHammer, a PickAxe or access to dangerous chemicals. Trust us, by 3rd month of employment you're gonna finally make thePrincess!! realize that you're a pastryChef!!
But only after you wave that 4" diameter Frenchstyle rollingPin at everyone and thePrincess!! thinks it's a leg for her BarStools she wants added to ALL of her nightClubs,
so she sends you to theCity!! for a load of Lumber and some upholstery fabric.
And, for this role of European man working in remote Alaska, must have nervous tic in One or Both eyes, you must have starred in several European films with horses, donkeys and a few pron stars too!!
thePrincess!! will be forgiving if you've had an girlfriend!!
After all, you'll be European in her SummerCast!! So be offensive starting now!!
Even if you don't get thePart of "theCarpenter",
start pinching female butts and make loud smooching noises!!
After all.
You DO HAVE to BE in your 50's or 60's to get thePart as well!!
(even theSam!! was considered for this part too, but, he keeps quiet with his mouth when eating, kissing, even when he's sweetalking thePrincess!! while she's reading her newspaper,
she had to get a HearingAid just to make out anything he's had to say to her!!
he never repeats himself either, he just talks to himself, mostly!!
Anyway, as cast member for theCarpetier!!, your last spoke scene 374 page 297
382 speeches 2954 lines-and that's a lot of Lines for only 36 scenes!!
OcokeannaStogi!! – this part was to be an NativeAmerican / AmericanIndian type, like a Cherokee male early 40’s 6’ 2” large muscular build,
but thePrincessPill!! decided to give her long term Employees, all 5 of them, whom played the part for each respective Lodge here in Akaska!! a summer break.
Literally!!,
thePrincess!! chopped and broke up her "dimeStoreIndians" and added them to theFireWood stocks,
So, Old "Coke and a Stogi!!", theStoicNative!! figures standing guard in each Lobby & Hobby shop will be played by actual People!!-instead of wooden figures!!
And this day and age being EqualOpportunityEmployment & all. ThePrincessPill!! decided to let anybody apply for these rolls at each of her luxurious Lodges!!
But there are some interesting things you have to do!!
However,
if you don't play this part convincingly enough for thePrincess!!, she'll add you to theFireWood stocks at end of season,
and You'll get no End of season bonus either!!, plus 2 free downloads of screensaver Headshots of thePrincess!! herself, and an autographed dinnerNapkin!!
obtained after many a secret lonely night of Her!! eating a lovely meal in her Lodge banquet rooms, quietly listening to DeathMetal!! over theLodgeLoudspeakers and wiping her food soiled mouth (autographing it for you!! theLucky winner) and eating herself silly on CheeseCake!!
So. Put UP!! or get Cut UP!! And good luck on this role if you get it!!
228 tourist Photo scenes a week!! and you'll have to sign an Indemnity form holding thePrincess!! harmless for all your appearances in people's Photobucket accounts, picWire, fotoPhish and all youtube accounts too!!,
Your first spoken love scene is #3 page 1 when from theMoment you first meet ANY fellow Lodge!! employee YOU MUST upsell all tobacco & cigarettes and drinks too!!,
Your last spoken scene however, is #532 page 795 after you get cancer from smoking so much, and your family shuts off your life support system!!
Unless, unless, After thus having failed to fulfill your employee contract,
thePrincess either gets to use your body as firewood or else your family cremates your ass and gives you to thePrincess!! anyway, as a token of goodwill!!
enjoy your 3352 speeches and those 1145 lines
*sniff!!!*
of Coke!!
Collectors, Willy & Christenson – two conjoined, White males, early 30’s 5’+ - medium build
212 scenes, the first spoke scene 33 page 12, and your last spoken scene after theCarpenter goes after YOU both with a powersaw and successfully separates you,
#332 page 896
You'll both have 249 speeches 970 lines each and then when you're separated by Malice.
You'll both be babbling up a storm finally glad to be rid of each other!!
Note, you DON'T have to really be joined Up in real life, just in theAlaskanPrincess's summer Tourist season Play!!
of which she's not only theStar!!, but she's directing also!!
So, get a friend and a tube of superglue!!, Glue and assCheek together and send thePrincess!! your OutTakes via BoobToob and she'll pick theMost convincing Cast members!!
what have you got to lose besides, some muscle and skin!?
Trust us, thePrincess!! has more to lose than you if she doesn't start hiring more LodgeWorkers that are just "different", Your pain is really HER gain!!
Ole Navy Hood!! - an africanAmerican / Black male adult, mid 40’s, Slouching 5’8 + a heavy build.
Just 116 scenes, first spoke scene 7 page 2, when theWhiteKidz at theAirport mistake you for thePorter and hand you their luggage!!
last spoke scene 251 page 48 halfway through theTouristSeason!! after some LodgeWorker buddies make fried chicken, beef corn pone and hand you Malt beer.
Your replacement will then be, an old faded blue Hoodie!! from oleNavy stores via a ThriftShop stop!!
and it will finish out the 2008 Summer Tourist season in your place where it will date AND propose to anPrincess!! (an coworker)
and she'll wear you nonstop for theLast week of working at theLodge!!
So...
if you think you got what it takes to not only Work for thePrincess!! but to actually BE an PrincessPill!!, browse AlaskaVillageTales and prove it!!
best of luck with your summer 2008 employment dreams!!
or maybe theLack!! there of, like theSam!!
cos already he's sent for a replacement PIN for his QuestCard / foodStamp debitCard!!
We think he's entertaining dreams about buying 7 grain bread, 3 types of juice, peanut butter and honey and frozenPizza minis with his card when his CaseWorker approves of his unemployment status.
Already he's practicing HIS 146 speeches with 149 lines when he visits theJobServiceCenter on Gamble!!
---------------------
luvs,
theSam!!
slflyinghorse,
anchorage, alaska
and quite happy to STILL be a Diva!! if not an AlaskanPrincess!!
d:oP
Comments