UncleSam!! and his Cat "Scratch!!"
AlaskaVillageTales!! / AVT!!
this Blog was brought to you upon recycled paper,
then after theSam!! finished transcribing his notes from soiled Pizza stained napkin,
from well used Latte paper HeatSleeve!!, and from phoneTexts of Actual
FiendsOfSam!!
THIS next installment of AVT was brought to you!!
-----------------------------------------------
theVillageChixxx!!
sometimes, Bigger is better!! d:o)
But then again, pound for pound, it's always theCute!!, really tiny ones that
succeed in running Sam!! off and away from the house parties!!
AVT!!
NewDesign!!
same old silly Words from theSam!!
theSam!!
publicSafety First!!
or at least....MINE before yours,
theSam!!
specialTreats!!
those lil' extras that make life in uniform worthwhile.
Like, PopTarts in the front INSIDE panel of theBulletVest!!
and BoxedMilk too!!
This VPSO model, comes with vanity mirror for theLadies!!
For middle of Night makeup & contactLens fixUps-Right after theSam!! contacts you for drinking and you attempt to stall and reDirect conversation from your Inebriate self!!
His PatrolVehicle boasts 3Zone climate control!!
IceCold by theWindow,
ToastyWarm inside and under theSeats so TDC!! / ThatDarnCat!! his patrol partner doens't get uncomfortable,
and Really Hot in back where thePrisoner(s)!! sit!!
theVillage!!
EVERYTHING Counts!!
including us, cos, we at least have to write our names and do simple math to survive out here,
yep, everything counts, except Sam!!, as he's NOT one of us and doesn't belong.
d:o(
AVT!!
Get Inspired!!
then Mired!! as you read endless Diatribe and post from theSam!!
then Go away and vow to NEVER, EVER end up so dysfunctional as theVillage!!
theVillage!!
a Whiner Never Quite!!....stops amusing theSam!!
and a Wine Never Quite....makes it past theVillageDump!! alive.
theVillageChixxx!!
celebrate more!!
more dollars reception from theSam!!
more food to eat!!
more booze to drink!!
celebrate another 30 days at least of freedom!!
------------------------------
What People Are Saying About UncleSam!! and his Cat!!
A few textPhone excerpts and curses, and quotes from actual people contacted this Month alone!!
-theDelishDish & theChick!!:
"Hey YOOO. I'm taking theDayOff, have a great afternoon......
and Dish!! NO NO no NO!! You do Server maintenance in theDay time when I'm not online!! Quit doing that!! How'm I sposed to Troll theForums if I can't access...."
-theCurvyBadge!!:
"Are you at work now?! I got a 'Loaf fix!! ooh.. and some corn & onions, and mashed pototos too!! Yoooo'd better have a food box in hand tonight mr!!"
-theRadioShow!!:
Hey, we're doing "MythBusterz" now, go crash your Polaris and see if it really IS theWayOut!!..... of life,
mashaPotato!!"
-theDigitel!!:
"Just a friendly reminder, Payment was due the25th.....
Last MONTH!!"
"We'd cut you off already from time to time but your texts and Pics sent out are so hilarious, but you never heard this from us!!"
-PiercedFuzzyNavel!!:
"?!, GroundHog Day is today!?, didn't you see yor shadow cos you sleep with your lamp on or thePC SlideShow screenSaver going.
Oh.. GenMan!! wants to know when you get in, if you can change out your small Bills with us, just 500!!"
-theDealerShip!!:
"uhmm.. Sam!!, thanks for stopping by!! We really admire Initiative, Drive, Guts and Confidence!!
But in demonstrating how YOU would sell cars, did you have to sell theMgrs Truck out from under him!!
He wouldn't be so mad if not for the fact that at least you got rid of his wife & kidz!!
Now theYoungMilitaryMan / Buyer ships out next month and he'll drive Outside with his "new family", and theGM!?, he's depressed.
It's just theTruck he misses most, and the fuzzyDice!!
We'll get back with ya' next week!! erh...
Don't come back unnannounced. You... You scare theMonkeys and theBears!!
yourUncleCal!!"
-AnonymousVillager!!:
"I want to thank you all for getting my Son, out of my hair.
His granma no longer has to buy an Axe every week as Son.E!! boy could never chop wood just right.
And we no longer have to buy Dog food every Other week, as Sam!! would feed them mutts too much food every day.
It's been 2yrs (April) since we promised him a HappyMeal in Town!! drove him in and Left him!! and still, everyone here's celebrating!!
Got to go now, I'm making friedBread & Cake for this evenings feast.
Sam!! always was one to just show up whenever food...
..what the hell.
What Are YOU doing here!? You're supposed to be working at theSteakHouse tonight!!
Get back out that door mr and start walking...."
-a New Member of Concerned Parents of Really REALLY really CuteOnly Girls!!:
"thanks Sam!!, for hugging my daughter on your Birthday, for memorialDay!!,
on Halloween, Before-During & After Thanksgiving!!, all Christmas week,
And especially for theNewYearsKiss!!
Now that you're Gone from theRestaurant, she can finally sleep at night!!"
-----------------------------------------
UncleSam!! and his darnCat!!
If your problems seem all to real, Go Read Sam!!
If your life is just a mess, Go Read Sam!!
At least you can see your Toes but never see your Nose d:oP
Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!
If you think your life is bad, Go Read Sam!!
If you think that You've been Had, Go Read Sam!! d:o(
At least you have a job and never run from angry mobs!!
Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!
It puts theMasha Potata on thePlate!!, Go Feed Sam!!
It puts the soft drink in the cup, Pour on Sam!!
It gets steak or Loaf every night and skips home past theLights!!
Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!
d:oD
------------------------------
theSam!!
going theExtra mile!!
only because he was drowsy from pain meds after falling on the ice and woke up On a differentRoute bus, 2 miles from his Apt!!
theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
-alaskavillagetales-
this Blog was brought to you upon recycled paper,
then after theSam!! finished transcribing his notes from soiled Pizza stained napkin,
from well used Latte paper HeatSleeve!!, and from phoneTexts of Actual
FiendsOfSam!!
THIS next installment of AVT was brought to you!!
-----------------------------------------------
theVillageChixxx!!
sometimes, Bigger is better!! d:o)
But then again, pound for pound, it's always theCute!!, really tiny ones that
succeed in running Sam!! off and away from the house parties!!
AVT!!
NewDesign!!
same old silly Words from theSam!!
theSam!!
publicSafety First!!
or at least....MINE before yours,
theSam!!
specialTreats!!
those lil' extras that make life in uniform worthwhile.
Like, PopTarts in the front INSIDE panel of theBulletVest!!
and BoxedMilk too!!
This VPSO model, comes with vanity mirror for theLadies!!
For middle of Night makeup & contactLens fixUps-Right after theSam!! contacts you for drinking and you attempt to stall and reDirect conversation from your Inebriate self!!
His PatrolVehicle boasts 3Zone climate control!!
IceCold by theWindow,
ToastyWarm inside and under theSeats so TDC!! / ThatDarnCat!! his patrol partner doens't get uncomfortable,
and Really Hot in back where thePrisoner(s)!! sit!!
theVillage!!
EVERYTHING Counts!!
including us, cos, we at least have to write our names and do simple math to survive out here,
yep, everything counts, except Sam!!, as he's NOT one of us and doesn't belong.
d:o(
AVT!!
Get Inspired!!
then Mired!! as you read endless Diatribe and post from theSam!!
then Go away and vow to NEVER, EVER end up so dysfunctional as theVillage!!
theVillage!!
a Whiner Never Quite!!....stops amusing theSam!!
and a Wine Never Quite....makes it past theVillageDump!! alive.
theVillageChixxx!!
celebrate more!!
more dollars reception from theSam!!
more food to eat!!
more booze to drink!!
celebrate another 30 days at least of freedom!!
------------------------------
What People Are Saying About UncleSam!! and his Cat!!
A few textPhone excerpts and curses, and quotes from actual people contacted this Month alone!!
-theDelishDish & theChick!!:
"Hey YOOO. I'm taking theDayOff, have a great afternoon......
and Dish!! NO NO no NO!! You do Server maintenance in theDay time when I'm not online!! Quit doing that!! How'm I sposed to Troll theForums if I can't access...."
-theCurvyBadge!!:
"Are you at work now?! I got a 'Loaf fix!! ooh.. and some corn & onions, and mashed pototos too!! Yoooo'd better have a food box in hand tonight mr!!"
-theRadioShow!!:
Hey, we're doing "MythBusterz" now, go crash your Polaris and see if it really IS theWayOut!!..... of life,
mashaPotato!!"
-theDigitel!!:
"Just a friendly reminder, Payment was due the25th.....
Last MONTH!!"
"We'd cut you off already from time to time but your texts and Pics sent out are so hilarious, but you never heard this from us!!"
-PiercedFuzzyNavel!!:
"?!, GroundHog Day is today!?, didn't you see yor shadow cos you sleep with your lamp on or thePC SlideShow screenSaver going.
Oh.. GenMan!! wants to know when you get in, if you can change out your small Bills with us, just 500!!"
-theDealerShip!!:
"uhmm.. Sam!!, thanks for stopping by!! We really admire Initiative, Drive, Guts and Confidence!!
But in demonstrating how YOU would sell cars, did you have to sell theMgrs Truck out from under him!!
He wouldn't be so mad if not for the fact that at least you got rid of his wife & kidz!!
Now theYoungMilitaryMan / Buyer ships out next month and he'll drive Outside with his "new family", and theGM!?, he's depressed.
It's just theTruck he misses most, and the fuzzyDice!!
We'll get back with ya' next week!! erh...
Don't come back unnannounced. You... You scare theMonkeys and theBears!!
yourUncleCal!!"
-AnonymousVillager!!:
"I want to thank you all for getting my Son, out of my hair.
His granma no longer has to buy an Axe every week as Son.E!! boy could never chop wood just right.
And we no longer have to buy Dog food every Other week, as Sam!! would feed them mutts too much food every day.
It's been 2yrs (April) since we promised him a HappyMeal in Town!! drove him in and Left him!! and still, everyone here's celebrating!!
Got to go now, I'm making friedBread & Cake for this evenings feast.
Sam!! always was one to just show up whenever food...
..what the hell.
What Are YOU doing here!? You're supposed to be working at theSteakHouse tonight!!
Get back out that door mr and start walking...."
-a New Member of Concerned Parents of Really REALLY really CuteOnly Girls!!:
"thanks Sam!!, for hugging my daughter on your Birthday, for memorialDay!!,
on Halloween, Before-During & After Thanksgiving!!, all Christmas week,
And especially for theNewYearsKiss!!
Now that you're Gone from theRestaurant, she can finally sleep at night!!"
-----------------------------------------
UncleSam!! and his darnCat!!
If your problems seem all to real, Go Read Sam!!
If your life is just a mess, Go Read Sam!!
At least you can see your Toes but never see your Nose d:oP
Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!
If you think your life is bad, Go Read Sam!!
If you think that You've been Had, Go Read Sam!! d:o(
At least you have a job and never run from angry mobs!!
Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!
It puts theMasha Potata on thePlate!!, Go Feed Sam!!
It puts the soft drink in the cup, Pour on Sam!!
It gets steak or Loaf every night and skips home past theLights!!
Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!, Go Read Sam!!
d:oD
------------------------------
theSam!!
going theExtra mile!!
only because he was drowsy from pain meds after falling on the ice and woke up On a differentRoute bus, 2 miles from his Apt!!
theSam!!
slflyinghorse
anchorage, alaska
-alaskavillagetales-
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